User talk:Guildensternenstein/archive5

Would you like some piss with those chips sir?

???   Orian57    Talk   04:21 19 August 2009

Who else but Orian??    Tagstit    talk    contribs    awards   06:03, 19 August 2009 (UTC)

Your plethora of picks has come upon you

As in, go make 6 picks in a row, or something. It'll make you feel good. Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 14:48, 19 August 2009 (UTC)

Again

Make your million picks again, sir!--<<>> 11:32, 20 August 2009 (UTC)

PEEd

	The article Mastodon has been reviewed by PuppyOnTheRadio(talk)
	Version as at 24/08/2009	PEE review

UnSignpost 20th August, it's not late, your mom is!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper that WILL win Zombiebaron back, damn it.

Date August 20th, 2009 • Issue 61 • Where no news is normal news

Fantasy Football Draft Finished By Guildensternenstein After four weeks of red-hot eight-man free fantasy football league draft action, the first Uncyclopedia Fantasy Football League (UFFL) Draft is finally at a close: Uncyclopedia regular and DiBiase's Millions general manager The Woodburninator made Arizona Cardinals' Kicker Neil Rackers Mr. Irrelevant on the afternoon of August 21th, 2009, a mere 26 hours after the previous pick had been made. Afterward, League Commissioner and noted Nazi sympathizer Guildensternenstein promised to make all subsequent Uncyclopedia Fantasy Football League official actions run much more smoothly. He vowed he would "put the drafted players on their respective fantasy teams" at some point "after I'm done writing this story for the UnSignpost and before I go see Inglorious Bastards later tonight." The draft itself was varied, and picks ranged from the predictable (Vikings' running back Adrian Peterson taken first overall) to the even more predictable (Falcons' running back Michael Turner taken with second overall pick) to the fairly predictable (Drew Brees, Peyton Manning and Tom Brady being the first three quarterbacks taken) to the downright wild. Notable steals include Guildy's nabbing of Chris Johnson in Round 5, Woody's snagging of Aaron Rodgers in Round 6, and Bradaphraser's criminal steal of Dallas tight end Jason Witten. For every good pick, there was a bad one, however: in moves that would make Al Davis proud, LongLiverh3 took Philadelphia's No. 3 receiver while their No. 1 and No. 2 receivers were still on the board, made 30th ranked tight end L.J. Smith the second overall tight end picked, and made Baltimore QB Joe Flacco his backup quarter back while the likes of Matt Schaub, Jay Cutler, Ben Roethlisberger and Eli Manning were still available. LongLiver could not be reached for comment. New UnSignpost Editor already having trouble filling up space; Falls upon pointless gimmicks, self-references, long article titles to fill void By The Woodburninator In a move that has surprised literally 0% of the Uncyclopedia UnSignpost community, the newest UnSignpost editor has already hit a wall in trying to think up new articles for the post. Well, that's not actually true. First he wrote a story trying to beg Zombiebaron to re-subscribe for the post. Then he actually looked at Zombiebaron's userpage to find out that he was actually leaving the site. Needless to say, the presses were called back, and more writing had to be done. Namely, this. Now, we at the post already know what you are thinking. But, since putting those things into print is outlawed in 36 states, two Canadian provinces, and all of Lithuania, we will instead reference the fact that there have been an awful lot of self-referencing in the UnSignpost lately. For that we are truly sorry. Also, we are sorry for self-referencing our own self-referencing. It is truly a problem that continues to build upon itself. We hope to soon continue with the top notch reporting that is so often found in our hallowed archives. Such as the time we wrote about Spang's village dump conquests, or the time we self-referenced how the UnSignpost's lovable mascot, "Dognewspaper" had not been in the Unsignpost for over nine months. Or that time we wrote about the Fantasy Football Draft being finished. Yes, all of those times were good. And we plan - nae, promise - to, in the very near future, continue bringing those kinds of articles to your doorstep. That is, if you don't mind finding a bit of drool upon it.	Check out these pages! Merging with Wikipedia? Certainly not! YOU ARE NOT THINKERER! The sausage fest just got more sausagey. From our logs: 12:30, 16 August 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 86.133.6.177 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (blanking pages makes baby jesus cry. it also gets your ass banned. maybe one or the other of those things will convince you not to do it again) 10:55, 18 August 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Under user (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 18 days ‎ (so you let me look like an ignorant baffoon for 18 days? What kind of SLA is that?) 11:02, 18 August 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Mordillo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 432 hours ‎ (it's not that long in the grand scheme of things. America happily let George Bush look like an ignorant buffoon for 2 terms of office, for example...) Biopic of the Week The man from straight out of Kiel, Germany, NaturalBornKieler has been a tremendous addition to Uncyclopedia since joining in June, 2007. While he has had no issues splitting his time between both Uncyclopedia, and the German Uncyclopedia, he has, for some reason, written 10 more features, and some 100 more articles for the German Uncyclopedia than for our beautiful English side. Still, it seems he has found his calling now, working in the big bureaucracy of the Foreign Office. NBK was unable to be reached for comment, as he was unable to get the proper approval from his superiors to be interviewed by a newspaper. Ahhhh. Bureaucracy at work. Old School Featured Article of the Week The War of 1812, also known as "The War Nobody Wanted to Name", was a ridiculously embarrassing conflict fought between the United States, Great Britain, Canada, and Antarctica. Everybody lost. Coping with adolescence and struggling to maintain its identity during the Napoleonic Wars, the United States looked to its mother country for guidance. But England, a single parent with a host of colonies to look after, had little time to spend with its gawky young child. Hoping to impose some sort of discipline over its increasingly sullen ward, England resorted to a 10 p.m. curfew. Old School Old School Box of the Week Forgotten and so-short-it-possibly-ought-to-be-a-template page of the week Tact: Sure I'd leave you for a girl with bigger boobs. What do you think I am, gay?
Judges Wanted! The next PLS is impending, and the are still judging slots unfilled. Modusoperandi is looking for users who are opinionated, who think that those opinions matter, and who want to give the benefit of those opinions to many in the form of passing judgement on articles. Enjoy the temporary sensation of power! Impress your friends! Alienate those whose articles you don't favour! Sign up now!
UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

9001(bot)  11:08, Aug 24

I can't believe my name wasn't in that article. 17YEARSOFcHeDDaR 23:22,25August,2009

RE: Thanks!

You're welcome, and if those are pictures of you on that thank you template, then I'd like to ask you what you're doing this Friday night. --EMC ^[TALK] 23:50, 24 August 2009 (UTC)

On The Front Page

I read the little conversation you had with Modus and MrN - and to put it bluntly, you're out of line. Way out of line. No one here, and especially not the admins, owe you anything. The site is being managed quite nicely thank you very much - and from a perspective of over three years it's being run more smoothly that it has been for a long time, and this is why we didn't have a VFS for a long time. You going around ordering admins to change the front page at 00:00 Zulu time for whatever reason (and the reason of you having an article next on the queue is the worst one) is annoying, condescending and useless. This site's management is organized chaos, and it works great like that. And if the front page doesn't change for three days in a row because the admins didn't have the time to do so, forgot about it or for whatever reason than it doesn't change for three days in a row, even if the next three features are yours. We have been doing fine way before you came here and we don't need the encouragement. You are a good writer, make sure that from now on - you limit yourself to writing rather than administrating the site. ~ 20:18, 25 August 2009 (UTC)

Guildy got in trouble and I didn't? Holy shit. 17YEARSOFcHeDDaR 23:22,25August,2009

It's because you and I aren't important enough to be told off, BBQ... Pup t 00:53, 26/08/2009

Yes I Am. 17YEARSOFcHeDDaR 01:49,26August,2009

Good point - somebody ban the BBQ! Pup t 02:59, 26/08/2009

Left a response on Mordillo's talkpage. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 03:07, 26 August 2009 (UTC)

While we may have some differences...

I loved Quentin Tarantino. I fucking love it. I nearly pissed my pants while reading it. Bloody amazing, good work. Colin ALL YOUR BASEHeaney! Casa Bey Superfly Portfolio 03:16, 27 August 2009 (UTC)

Thanks ain't no country I ever head of!

Thanks ain't no country I ever heard of. Say thanks one more time, mothafucka! I dare you. I double dare you. - seriously, you captured the subject. Bravo!--Funnybony 11:11, 27 August 2009 (UTC)

Hah, thank you. I've been getting a lot of compliments (both here and IRL) about that article. Thanks. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 16:47, 27 August 2009 (UTC)

Dead Dick

Bro! I voted for your super cool page. Please take a look at the upgraded version of this anti-war wackiness Dead Dick. It's up for nomination right now. Hope you enjoy it. Thanks in advance.--Funnybony 20:17, 27 August 2009 (UTC)

Well, I'm not really a fan of vote whoring, but I will give this a look. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 21:26, 27 August 2009 (UTC)

Bro, I really voted for your article because it's so good. Not to get your vote. I just wanted you to take a look, and vote as you see fit. I wish you would do an article on Martin Scorsese. I already did one on Joe Pesci you might like...

“Perhaps, in all fairness, I should explain to you exactly what it is I do. For instance, tomorrow I'll get up nice and early, take a walk down to the studio, and walk in and see you. And if you don't have the part for me, I’ll crack your fuckin’ head wide open in front of everybody on the set! And just about the time I'm coming out of jail, hopefully, you'll be coming out of your coma. And guess what? I'll split your fuckin' head open again!”

~ Joe Pesci to Director Martin Scorsese about auditioning for the part of Nicky Santoro in "Casino"

--Funnybony 13:40, 28 August 2009 (UTC)

Yes, I see. I've been thinking about redoing the Scorsese one (and about, like, 12 other articles), so if I ever do get around to doing that I'll let you know. As for your Dead Dick article, it was alright, but I still think it needs a bit more work before it's front page material, in my opinion. As for 'vote whoring,' or whatever, you did begin your comment with "I voted for your super cool page," which implies an obligation of me to do likewise. However, it really isn't that big a deal either way. Finally, that "Joe Pesci" quote is pretty funny. So yeah. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 13:46, 28 August 2009 (UTC)

Not that big a deal? May I direct you once again to the Whore Dramathon that I was subjected to? Don Puttano cHeDDs 20:04,28August,2009

Like I said, not that big a deal. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 20:34, 28 August 2009 (UTC)

Thanks Guilday!

Jonathan would like to thank you for your support on his difficult journey to finding the answer to his genetical gender issues. Have this shiny template to remind you of your unconditional love for poultry ...

Sir ACROLO KUN • FPW • AOTM • FA •(SPAM) 14:59, 29 August 2009 (UTC)

Pixar

The featured article UnScripts:Pixar: An Introduction for Uncyclopedians now available on DVD! Get the Disney Digital 3D experience with the enclosed glasses! You'll laugh until you get incredibly disoriented! Watch interviews with the people behind the article! (Head writer and reviewer(s) only.) Deleted scenes, like the infamous rant scene about the struggle between Disney and Pixar over Toy Story 3! You'll never want to watch it again! Buy the Limited Collector's Edition now!

Thank you for supporting! Sir MacMania GUN—[16:21 30 Aug 2009]

Poo Lit: The Judgening

We're looking for judges for Poo Lit. Are you game? Are you?! Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 05:10, 1 September 2009 (UTC)

Dungeons & Dragons & Dead Links Oh My!

Uncyclopedia:Poo Lit Surprise and some user pages link to User:Guildensternenstein/Dungeons & Dragons: Real Life Edition: Character Races which ain't there no more. It was huffed because it was a double redirect. But you could recreate the page with a single redirect to Dungeons & Dragons: Real Life Edition. I hope this helps! :) DAP Dame Pleb Com. Miley Spears (talk) 01:54, September 2, 2009 (UTC)

Gotcha. I'll do that in the morning because I'm tired at the moment, but thanks for letting me know. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 04:21, September 2, 2009 (UTC)

Heh, seems like this has been fixed already, at least on the PLS winners section. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 12:30, September 3, 2009 (UTC)

It's not fixed on some user pages, and an admin said it would be OK if I fixed it for you, so I did the redirect. I really wanted to read the article, and it took me a while just to find it. Somebody else might not find it at all! I feel you've written some great articles! I've read ones I liked even when I don't know much about the topic. DAP Dame Pleb Com. Miley Spears (talk) 03:48, September 4, 2009 (UTC)

Wow, thanks. I saw that the link was fixed in the winners section, and thought that would be enough, so yeah. Thanks, however, for going through and fixing the rest for me. I'm also glad you're a fan of my stuff. You've got some talent yourself, so keep up the good work. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 04:57, September 4, 2009 (UTC)

Oregon Trail

The Oregon Trail Society

would like to thank you for your support of UnBooks:An Authentic Journal of Travelers on the Oregon Trail. Here, in return, is a copy of the only color colour photograph of the "traffic jelly" at South Pass.
Just make sure you don't lose it while you cross the river.

---

A belated token of gratitude. Thanks! Sir MacMania GUN—[21:33 3 Sep 2009]

Thanks!

'Sincere Thanks'

Thank you very much for helping to make me August 2009's Writer of the Month.

This is hands down one of the best moments I've had on Uncyclopedia. And you helped make it possible. Thank you.

• • • Necropaxx (T) {~}

---

Führer Brooke Shields Says Thanks

User:Miley Spears/Vote Brooke Shields Thanks so much for your vote! It's my first feature. DAP Dame Pleb Com. Miley Spears (talk) 01:39, September 4, 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost 4th September

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The newspaper that missed an issue and no-one even noticed.

Date September something-or-other, 2009 • Issue 63 • Nobody reads this bit anyway

Left alone to write the entire UnSignpost, Ape delivers sub-par, mostly self-referential issue By An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays "What happened to the signpost?" was the question on literally nobody's lips this week, as Uncyclopedia's favourite newspaper which everyone loves to read but no-one can be bothered to write for took another step on the long slow descent to obscurity. Unfortunately Fortunately, Uncyclopedia's premier Ape-based entertainer, and occasional UnSignpost writer, An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays heroically stepped into the breach to save the flagging newsrag from going the way of the dodo, the Irish Elk, and Mhaille's marriage. However, our intrepid hero, i.e. me, soon discovered the enormity of the task that lay ahead of him. Boxes had to be filled, interesting and thought-provoking forums had to be discovered and linked to, block logs had to be accessed and trawled for witty comments (unsuccessfully, as it turned out) and this article and presumably another one below it had to be written. "I never thought it could be this hard," Ape told himself, with sexual innuendo very much intended. "How did Gerrycheevers keep finding stuff to write about? There doesn't really seem to be much happening around here. I mean, I could start whoring my newest articles under the flimsy guise of self-referential irony, but that would be shit really. Who wants to see that? Nobody, that's who." However, in the absence of anything funny or clever to say, our hero, (who is gradually being revealed to be more of an anti-hero, like Alex in A Clockwork Orange, except with no sense of style) proceeded to do exactly that, shamelessly whoring two articles (which, if anything, evince his decline as a comedy writer), eliciting a universal chorus of groans and boos from all who had the misfortune to read it. An appeal to the Uncyclopedia community By An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays Seriously guys, if you don't want any more shitty issues like this I'm going to need help, or else the signpost is going to die like all the other well-intentioned projects that nobody bothers with. What we need is: People to do interesting stuff that I can write about. People to contribute to the signpost. Fabulous prizes. Thank you for your time.

Check out these pages! Does anyone think we should fuck up Pee Review? Hyperbole fails to understand UN:N The FBI are pedos? From our logs: 23:23, September 1, 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 70.81.7.211 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (THat FAG JUST WOULDN`T STOP SUCKING MY COCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) 13:08, September 1, 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 131.6.84.110 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (blanking a WCW article? do you know how much of a moron that flags you up as?) 08:32, September 2, 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Mordillo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a minor existential crisis ‎ (wait, so we DON'T care about people's gay friends? but I thought that was the whole POINT. what's the use in anything any more? I'm so disillusioned) 09:13, September 2, 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Under user (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a debate ‎ (Are you gay then? You seem gay to me. Not that there's anything wrong with it. Unless you sleep with Orian. Do you? Are you gay then?) 09:26, September 2, 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Mordillo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a riposte ‎ (no wai, im not ghey, ive had lodes and lodes of chix. ur just jelus bcos ur mum's ghey. and ur dad. yeah, you herd, their both teh gheyz!) 21:09, September 1, 2009 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked 92.0.51.13 (Talk) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (well fuck off then, wanker) Biopic of the Week Can't be fucked with this. Old School Featured Article of The Week Pot v. Kettle was a landmark case in USA history, giving people the right to make hypocritical statements without fear of retribution. It began as a civil rights case, as Kettle alleged that Pot "did not let [Kettle] work at the Pot's store solely for the color of [his] kitchenware". What made this Supreme Court case unique was the fact that the Pot himself was black, as was the Kettle. Nostalgia Box Remember when Gerry was here? Things were so much better back then.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

-- Soldat Teh PWNerator (pwnt!) 16:53, September 4, 2009 (UTC)

Have I been somewhat remiss?

I think I may have forgotten to give you one of these for your 25th in-depth review. My apologies, and please accept this somewhat vulgar addition to your bathroom. --UU - natter 20:52, Sep 5

Thank, UU. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 04:10, September 6, 2009 (UTC)

Golden Urinal

You have been awarded this coveted Golden Urinal in recognition of having completed over 25 in-depth pee reviews. Thanks for the hard work.
Now have a rehydrating drink, and get back to pissing – there are still articles out there that need your help, dammit!

---

UnSignpost Randomber 3th

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The only newspaper that Codeine's mum has randomized

Date August 27th, 2009: THE RANDOM ISSUE • Issue 62 • Because the truth is not random enough

Random Headline By No one in particular Ouch! At 9:39 a.m., options earned a rape. While boar was lathering, a treehouse suddenly navigated. Conspiracy theories are all secret government plots to confuse us. Kermit the Frog cures camera! Man of God swallows a kitten chow mein! SUNSHINE' I DIDN'T VOTE MUGABE'! Absolutely not, sheep swallows tongss! Did the cook zap... ... that to the untrained ear, John Aglethorpe's Ode to the Monotony of Life may simply sound like one continuous, monotonous tone, but the song is actually composed mostly of alterations between the A sharp and B flat notes tied together? Furthermore, Christian scotch 3834 AD JesusDood lesbian vomit detects a thing that is sooo not related to this article Magnolia jellybean Ungh! Melissa Harrigan ManBoy vomited What's black and white and red all over? Hulk Hogan equestrian recoiled Cairo. liek omg wut?!!11!one Babe Ruth was a total Bitch! By The Woodburninator Look, I'm not saying he wasn't good at baseball! I'm not trying to destroy your great baseball heroes. But let's not kid ourselves here. Babe Ruth was a complete and total bitch. Come on. He couldn't catch the ball. And he whined at the umpires when people called him fat (even though he totally was). And he always talked about how much his feelings were hurt by people trying to buy him a beer. Signpost Has Gone Officially Bat fuck Insane By Bad Shroom Due to frequent lack of interest and excitement, this UnSignpost issue has now gone totally insa-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! Genital wart in the left politician! BOMB IRAN! HEIL CAJEK! 999,999. cabinet.

Random articles of the week HowTo: Use the Random page button to your advantage in a newspaper Random logs: 19:51, September 3, 2009 TheLedBalloon blocked 91.106.217.157 with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (I agree, File:Deletion icon.svg is totally racist and should be deleted. Talk:Black People, on the other hand, I'm pretty much fine with.) 09:47, August 30, 2009 Mordillo protected "WP:HOTCAT" [edit=sysop] (indefinite) [move=sysop] (indefinite) ‎ (there, no more redlinks) (hist) 10:22, August 22, 2009 Thekillerfroggy blocked Miley Spears with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (pointlessly productive, dedicated user) Random Biopic of the Week The man, the myth, the user not many people really know. Random pipings was an active user way back in March 2006. Sure, he only had 46 edits. Sure, during his heyday in March, 2006 he only had 32 edits, which most of our more accomplished users can rack up in half an hour. And yes, only 3 of his 6 articles are still around, including the critically acclaimed Health. But, in spite of all that, he has a place in our great wiki here. Because even though he's not around, and his articles are not beloved, everyone can find a niche here, and that's exactly what Random pipings has done. I mean, how many other great men could have made a "Your mom", "Oscar Wilde", and "David Hasslehoff" joke in one fell swoop? Not many I say, and for that, Random pipings, we salute you. Here's to the little guy. Huzzah! #9F79E7 box Eat that, nincompoops! Random colour! Hahaha!

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

In fact, please think of the zip guns freedom fighters! —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 18:01, 7 September 2009

Goddam I'm so excited

Sorry about the draft, i was on vacation. Forgot to put that template, too. ~~Sir Fightstar Rocks! CUN 06:11, September 8, 2009 (UTC)

Hah, no big deal, welcome back! Also, today's my birthday! —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 10:42, September 8, 2009 (UTC)

Hey! Happy Birthday! • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} 13:51, Sep 8

Hah, thanks! —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 15:01, September 8, 2009 (UTC)

Thanking you for your vote on Psyché

User:POTR/Psyche Pup t 22:26, 8/09/2009

Thank you for voting on Number Bases

User:POTR/NumberBases Pup t 22:42, 8/09/2009

Thank you from the trainyards

User:POTR/ITTE Pup

Thanks Guildy

STOMPING THROUGH THE FABRIC OF YOUR SOCIETY Seriously though, where would you be without me? Would drama ever be the same again? It's so very simple. The great monster rises from the water and pauses dramatically while shimmering in the moonlight. He slowly looks into the camera and utters a deep resonating scream that encompasses all our deepest fears. Spotlights search the dark horizon to find his massive hulk of reptilian glory a mere kilometer from the heart of the great industrial city. Slowly, the great beast steps onto dry land and his rein of terror begins. Buildings crumble before him as he appears to be endlessly searching for something. Something to appease unknown demonic desires as yet to be defined. Of course, it's really just an act. The confused searching thing gets em' all nervous, that's for sure. The bottom line is simple. Please don't use atomic weapons, OK? Your vote for Godzilla vs. Vaginus is a step in the right direction and hopefully some measure of your mammalian guilt will be relieved. Thank you so much. ;-) xxx Gojira

Hope all's well with you sir and thanks for the previous nom, the current vote, etc etc etc! --    20:27, September 11, 2009 (UTC)

Sure, thing, Guildy

And there is only one reason, i.e., your piece was great. It was my fortune to nominate the article. Actually, on your article I was going to do my first Pee Review. But after a good look, my ONLY advice is Nominate. I don't think any Pee Review is necessary when the article is really perfect. And those guys bad-mouthing the end for being "political", that, to me, is funner than the whole dame thing. Hey, I'm your fan. Man, you are really on a roll!!!--Funnybony 16:19, September 12, 2009 (UTC)

Hah, thanks! And everyone who said it was "too political," or whatever, is a moron, just so you know. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 02:24, September 13, 2009 (UTC)

24's Script Writers Suck

Imagine, if you will, that Jack Bauer is easily over-powered by a single bad guy, thrown down a set of stairs and cracks a rib! Right? Sure, and a bear shits in the bathroom, the Pope is a Mormon, the ocean holds-back New Orleans, and Moby Dick drowned!! Jack Bauer might be immune to Kriptonite, but he is a sitting duck for 24's dumb-ass screen writers, who take morbid pleasure in putting blockades to trip-up Jack's best laid plans. One minute Jack has it all together, then, SHIT! The goddamn screen-writers display their own biased ignorance by getting in Jack's way. For example: After 11 episodes of chasing, Jack finally has the Terrorist leader in hand, then the stupid script-writers send the FBI to arrest Jack over some protocol BS, and Osama gets away. Jeez! Whose side are they on, anyway?

If the screen-writers, and everyone else, would get the hell out of Jack Bauer's way the sooner we can all go home, safe and sound. Yesterday Movie star Kiefer Sutherland has instigated a campaign to raise twenty-million signatures to, "kick the bumbs out!" Sutherland told Rolling Stone Magazine that the screen writers on 24 were, "Jack Bauer's biggest headache!" He called them, "traitors and morons" and said they were the "real bad guys behind everything". Like terrorist Abu Fayed is just an innocent made-up character, but the screen-writers are REAL PEOPLE. Who are you going to blame for all these fuck-ups and terror-attacks? A make-believe character or a real person? So far on the first day Sutherland has only collected 60 million signatures from around the world - but the gap is closing fast... only minus forty million left to go.--Funnybony 16:19, September 12, 2009 (UTC)

LEAVE 24 ALONE!    Orian57    Talk   16:50 12 September 2009

24 should LEAVE ME ALONE!! (grin)--Funnybony 17:54, September 12, 2009 (UTC)

I have no idea what any of the above has to do with anything. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 02:24, September 13, 2009 (UTC)

I have never watched it... although I wonder if the manatees write 24 as well as family guy? Pup t 02:44, 13/09/2009

No it'd have to be a far more linier thinking animal than manatees. Maybe moles, or badgers.    Orian57    Talk   04:13 13 September 2009

Lens flare!

Yay, you reviewed it! Thanks. Although—this will probably take some more research (read: goofing off) on my part, so don't be surprised if this takes a year to complete.

I agree that there's an abrupt switch in perspective—I'll try the artistic approach as you suggested, but I'll probably attempt a serious pseudo-scientific approach as well. Cheers— Sir MacMania GUN—[16:44 12 Sep 2009]

Gotcha. Well, good luck on the rewrite! —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 02:25, September 13, 2009 (UTC)

Hey

Guildy, I missed you, buddy. Sorry for fucking off for so long, but I'll come back in a couple of weeks and stay and write some stuff for PLS.. Also, congratulations on getting Mastodon featured, its amazing :) Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 03:19 September 13 '09

Hah, thank you! Mastodon's one of my favorite bands--they're pretty badass. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 03:31, September 13, 2009 (UTC)

oh yes, we had this conversation before, mastodon vs nile Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 03:36 September 13 '09

Well, I don't know about this exact conversation, but we've talked about Prog vs. Extreme Metal before. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 03:37, September 13, 2009 (UTC)

I like to think of nile as "technical," not "extreme." Extreme metal is dumb Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 03:46 September 13 '09

Ah, gotcha. You know what I mean, though. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 04:04, September 13, 2009 (UTC)

Thanks

Thanks for clarification about the Teleprompter article. Apologise for any inconvenience. --90.204.56.149 18:37, September 14, 2009 (UTC)

Star Wars (2010)

Star Wars sequel announced, may contain disturbing twists The controversial 2010 remake of Star Wars will have a sequel. This unpopular move was sparked after the remake was voted #1 for August 2009 by Uncyclopedia. "We felt we may as well use the freedom given to us when we virtually wiped out 33 years' worth of continuity," said co-producer and co-director George Lucas, all the while taunting the editors at Wookieepedia. Most reaction has been decidedly negative, with critics saying that "Lucas will most certainly take cues from the Devil himself" and that "he will most certainly manage to do what he did with the last film—make us regret being Star Wars fans."

Thanks for the vote on August's Top 3 for this article! Sergio Leone was marvellous as well. Sir MacMania GUN—[20:29 16 Sep 2009]

Thanks! Though your article was evidently better. Also, you took the time to make a thank-you template, which I have not. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 22:01, September 16, 2009 (UTC)

I'm more awesome than you

in France. It was nommed for the French version of featuring TWICE. (It couldn't win due to it not being written by someone French.) Don Puttano cHeDDs 02:57,18September,2009

Hah, very cool. I didn't actually see this talkpage message here until just now, just so you know. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 20:03, September 18, 2009 (UTC)

Thanks for the review

Thanks (: And English is my first language. Though I'm from Singapore. [/zh] 06:50 September 18

Disturbing thoughts...

On your userpage, your South Park's persona-dude's skin is yellow. Does this mean you're... *gasp* ASIAN?!?! • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} 19:56, Sep 18

Nope, I'm of Polish, French-Canadian, and German ancestry. I thought that my SP guy was kind of yellow-skinned, too, (not to mention that he almost totally blends into the background), but it was only after I made him that I realized, and I'm not about to change anything, so whatever. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 20:01, September 18, 2009 (UTC)

Guildy, you're so pretentious!

Okay, and thanks for not taking offense or anything.

YES GUILD IS,ASIAN; CHAN CHUN CHING BITCH!! Rikishi 01:51, September 21, 2009 (UTC)

Um, by the way... would you mind reading mein Artikel and casting your vote? Thanks bunches. =D • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} 01:34, Sep 21

Will do. I've been meaning to read it, but I've been extremely busy at school the last week, so I haven't had much time. Doing a double major in History and English means you have to do an entire book's worth of reading every week, so recreational reading starts to lose its appeal. And, your article is, like, really fucking long, so yeah. I will in the next few days though, for sure. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 01:48, September 21, 2009 (UTC)

Alrighty, thanks. At least I know that I'm not being totally ignored. :) • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} 01:59, Sep 21

And now, to permanently get on your bad side... hee hee... • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} 05:18, Sep 21

No, I'm haughtily pretentious, get it right. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 05:41, September 21, 2009 (UTC)

How egregious of me. Can't believe I missed that. How utterly, completely, moronic of me. • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} 05:47, Sep 21

Indeed. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 05:49, September 21, 2009 (UTC)

I don't care if you're Asian or Caucasian or Cajun. But the picture in this section makes it look like you're, (Gulp) Texan. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  00:31, October 17, 2009 (UTC)

Hah, well, I'm definitely not a Texan--I live in New York (no, not NYC, so don't ask). —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 05:23, October 17, 2009 (UTC)

Ah. So you're one of the five New Yorkers who doesn't live in New York City. I think I know your cousin Goydensternenstein. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  14:45, October 17, 2009 (UTC)

Hey, we're not all Jewish, either. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 20:13, October 17, 2009 (UTC)

Guildensternenstein/archive5 Gets a stinkface!!

By me!!!11!!1 heh! Rikishi 01:52, September 21, 2009 (UTC)

Ahhh! —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 23:26, September 22, 2009 (UTC)

Okay, how about this?

TKF and Guildensternenstein avoid each other for a while. I'm sensing drama, hurt feelings, and an overriding sense of homoerotic tension. If you can't avoid each other, come to me, for chemical castration. It's a hobby of mine. (My secret ingredient? Estrogen) Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 13:04, September 22, 2009 (UTC)

On the one hand, you're complaining about Drama...

...then on the other, you add to it. Are you stupid or just ignorant? Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 20:40, September 22, 2009 (UTC)

Left a response on your talk. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 23:15, September 22, 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost September 10/17

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper that won't leave you the same way they did!

Date September 17th, 2009 • Issue 64 • Consistently Declining Readership Since 2008!

Uncyclopedians Continue Hostile Takeover of Wikimedia By Bad Shroom This week, noted user Electrified mocha chinchilla got a short but somewhat hostile reply from the lackluster Wikimedia Foundation. After telling truths to the company such as taking control over Wikipedia and how Uncyclopedia is 104% fact, a Wikipedia Foundation employee under the subtle disguise "Philippe XXXXXX" replied in a manner that was both honorable and robust. Confounded by the foundation's kindness, e|m|c quickly replied with a rebuttal seeming more like a terrorist threat like a thank-you note. Even though Uncyclopedia has not managed to even get off Wikia's back, some users have a bright, world domination-esque outlook to the future. UFFL Update By Guildensternenstein Week One of the UFFL season was full of thrills, spills, birth control pills, and shitty rhymes. The John Curry All-Stars bested The Oklahoma City Storm 93.08 – 74.54 after a sub-par performance from offensive giants Larry Fitzgerald and Michael Turner on the Storm side, not to mention the controversial decision to sit starting quarterback and country singer enthusiast Tony Romo. The appropriately-named Dudes edged Cheddar’s Doritians 98.42 – 96.06, despite the fact that Dudes manager Frank Zappa was high the entirety of the game. Injuries to key Doritian players Donovan McNabb and LaDainian Tomlinson made the loss extra-hard to swallow. The not-so-domestic Domestic Team Name blew out DiBiase’s Millions 112.82 – 67.16—a loss which caused Millions’ manager Woody Onfire to question the not-sucking-ness of his team publicly. Finally, Sternensteinenstine annihilated the ironically-named Winnerz 123.92 – 0.00 after Winnerz manager Al Davis forgot to edit his team’s starting roster for the week. The lop-sided German victory was aided by a career day from Saints’ quarterback Drew Brees and round-the-clock Luftwaffe air cover in conjunction with concentrated armored thrusts at the enemy’s flanks. Lead Editor Returns to UnSignpost Office, Demands to Know Whereabouts of Bundt Cake By Gerrycheevers This week Active Lead UnSignpost editor Gerrycheevers stumbled back onto the Uncyclopedia scene amid much celebration and hooplah. While settling down to his usual routine of getting UnSignpost issues polished off stylishly late, he noticed that his office at the UnSignpost wing of Uncyclopedia had been raided, and his delicious bundt cake had been mercilessly stolen. Gerry immediately declared a halt to the UnSignpost presses, which involved Sockpuppet of an unregistered user using several pints of holy water and a rubber chicken, in order to plea for the safe return of his tasty cake. Please, mystery pastry thief, don't leave Mr. Cheevers cakeless and hungry!

Check out these pages! Village Dump becomes worship house for John Stamos Most Inappropriate Smackdown on a Serious Topic Ever* Kanye West sucks cock From our logs: 08:15, September 11, 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Klauston (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎(well now, it seems I CAN be assed to ban page blanking fucktards. who'd'a thunk it?) 15:45, September 14, 2009 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 94.246.126.149 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day (Blanker: Go blank yourself! Hah! Do you see what I did there? I'm a font of wit.) 23:08, September 17, 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 69.51.144.4 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎(Hades was a giant homo who got his shit owned by Hercules, and the only thing you and he will ever have in common is your colossal failure.) Biopic of the Week Since emerging violently from the brain cavity of ThomasPynchonsLeftNut, the quick-witted and devilishly handsome GlobalTourniquet has made quite a name for himself on this silly wiki. With a Writer of the Month victory in July, GT's expert songwriting, strong way with prose, and status as a film connoisseur make him a solid addition to the Uncyc workforce. Old School Featured Article of the Week Humosexuals are individuals who compulsively tell jokes in an effort to engage in the physical act of love. Oftentimes the subject of scorn and the object of violent hunting games in Medieval England, humosexuals have begun to make a name for themselves in contemporary society. Benny Hill (pictured) was perhaps the most famous humosexual, as his antics involving the combination of small vegetables, projectile physics, and the cleavage of buxom females were well recorded. Gerry's Thumbs Up of the Week I'd like to recognize The Woodburninator, An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays, Guildensternenstein, and Sockpuppet of an unregistered user for feeding my pet rabbit, Alpheratz, during my unexplained absence. Also I suppose they should mention their efforts in keeping the UnSignpost afloat during that same time period, but this box is mostly in recognition of bunny maintenance.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

This would've gotten here last week, but it's my firs week as paperboy and I got lost. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 00:12, September 23, 2009 (UTC)

firstly, you are hereby officially commended by the unsignpost higher-ups for delivering this issue. thank you! you are hereby promoted to executive washroom attendant. secondly, you are officially officially reprimanded by the unsignpost higher-ups for delivering this issue; i totally had an idea for a story about how the previous week's unsignpost still hasn't been delivered, and now i have to go slog through forums to come up with a story. curse you! you are hereby demoted to helpful sub-editor. thirdly, the unsignpost medicine cabinet seems to be out of lithium, apparently. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 01:26, September 23, 2009 (UTC)

Thank you, curse you, and I'll see what I can do. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 05:08, September 23, 2009 (UTC)

Thanks!

My little grey cells, zey 'ave solved ze case! Necropaxx would very much like to thank you for uncovering who the real murderer was. "If not for your 'elp, mon ami, I fear zat Monsieur Murderer might 'ave escaped." Double thanks for making this my tenth feature! Woo!

thanks for voting, Guildy! • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} 20:35, Sep 24

UnSignpost: September 24th, 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Because if the rumors don't spread at the salon, we must spread them in the news.

September 24th, 2009 • Issue 65 • The Newspaper that Oscar Wilde Might Read Were He Still Among the Living

UnSignpost Subscriber List Trimmed; Remaining Subscribers Urged to Archive Issues, Settle Outstanding Bills, Refrain from Tipping Paperbots By Gerrycheevers This week, the hideously long UnSignpost subscription list was hacked down even further than The Woodburninator and others apparently hacked it down several months ago. This has resulted in a mass decline in the number of useless edits performed by paperbots and brave, bored souls who have nothing better to do than manually edit dozens of userpages on a weekly basis. The dregs that were cast off included those who have not registered an edit in six months, those who are permanently banned or close to it, and those with large, scary dogs that prevent paperbots from completing their routes unchewed. The remaining faithful readers are asked to archive their talk pages if they are excessively long due to many hilarious editions of the UnSignpost, as paperbots are slowed down by the large load times of such pages, and paper-delivering users are likely to be distracted by uproarious back issues. Subscribers are also reminded that the monthly fee for talkpage delivery is seven Uncyclopedia credits. Extremely outdated Uncyclopedia currency, such as Yoinxx, will be subject to exceedingly unfair conversion rates. On a final note, readers are implored to avoid tipping paperbots, as it seems any sort of regular income tends to give robots inklings of sentience, and the last thing we need is Fnoodle organizing the paperbots into a rudimentary union again. UFFL Update By Guildensternenstein It was another exciting week of UFFL action this past Sunday, with 75% of the league’s games qualifying as “blowouts.” Sternensteinenstine bested DiBiase’s Millions 161.54 to 78.94, with the one-two Nazi punch of Drew Brees and Chris Johnson outscoring their helpless opponents alone. The John Curry All Stars had similar success with the Philip Rivers-Marques Colston-Frank Gore combination, and knocked out Cheddar’s Doritians 123.74 to 71.64 in the fourth round. The bout between Domestic Team Name and Oklahoma City Storm went the distance, with Domestic “Team” Name coming away with the split decision 78.14 to 77.28. Finally, Frankreich “The Dude” Zappino demolished his opponent 126.42 to 0.00 in a spectacular first round knockout due to the fact that LL was once again unable to select his starting roster. Standings: Sternensteinenstienenstern (2-0) The Stoners (2-0) John Curry’s Angles (2-0) Domestic Violence (2-0) Sun Chips (0-2) Oklahoma City Bombing (0-2) DeGrasse Goes to Vegas (0-2) The Loserz (0-2)

Check out these pages! The Pay-Per-View Event of the Fortnight! Here. Have a page with so many pictures, it takes forever to load. You're welcome. Urination, small furry rodents, and why Modus has another court date Tuesday. From our logs: 16:19, September 20, 2009 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 212.235.107.11 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎(Stop being a pain in my tender place) 18:52, September 21, 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked Arse bandit (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎(Your ban time is six months. I'll give you 10 dollars if you can hold your breath the entire time.) 14:53, September 22, 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 76.17.99.136 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎(oi, no blanking, no stupid redirecting, no crappy pages about people we don't care about, and no ugly nerds. you fail on all counts.) 11:57, September 24, 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Abdul321 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Lebanon is a little Kiosk between Israel and Syria. Get over it.) Biopic of the Week Bouncing back and forth between Uncyclopedia and Illogicopedia has been Hindleyite's specialty for some time now. With his in-depth reports on traffic laws, street crime, and sports officiating video games, this banana-eating ite from Hindley is sure to keep Uncyclopedians on their toes for a long time to come. Old School Featured Article of the Week Henchmen are an essential part of any mastermind super-villian's overall business portfolio. Generally, success in plans of world domination, protagonist death, and damsel distress have success ratios directly correlated to the number, competence, and, to a lesser extent, wardrobe snappiness of a bad guy's henchmen. Pointless Nostalgia of the Week We miss when Cajek and Skull would write for the UnSignpost. Those 4+ issues they churned out were golden. You'd be reading and then - all of a sudden - WHAM, a joke would hit you, and Cajek would be all like, "oh my god, it was so dark, and i didn't see him, and he just jumped out in front of me!" Really Small Box That Takes Up Just Enough Space To Even Out Both Sides of This Issue of the UnSignpost of the Week, Because Symmetry Looks Nice Believe it or not, the one above this one.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

Hand delivered by MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 16:26, September 26, 2009 (UTC)

Uncyc's fantasy football league

Hey, it seems as though LL-whoever has dropped off the face of the earth. Could I replace him, or is it too late for that? • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} 06:16, Sep 27

Sorry, but it's definitely too late for that. Next year, though, you can definitely join. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 14:09, September 27, 2009 (UTC)

Manowar

I'm gonna rewrite this article for the fun of it. Care to collab? • FreddCan Shredd • • • 20:19 September 27 '09

Not familiar with Manowar, so no, sorry. I'm don't plan on writing anything until PLS starts, anyway, mostly because I won't have the time to. But thanks for the offer! —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 00:34, September 28, 2009 (UTC)

Ok. But you are always welcome to assist, any time. • FreddCan Shredd • • • 06:52 September 28 '09

Gotcha! Thanks again! —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 12:41, September 28, 2009 (UTC)

Thought I'd give this a try

Hi Guildy, hope you're good. I'm kinda here to see if I can get some involvement in a little idea. See, the pee queue is backed up a little (yeah, I know you know that!), and I figured that if most of our active reviewers did two reviews each this weekend, it'd pretty much take care of that. I know, I know, this is a busy time of the year 'n' shit, and you've done a bunch of reviews already this year. Cool. Thanks. And if you can't, you cant. But if you can find the time to crank out just 2 decent reviews this weekend, it'd be awesome. Hell, if we do shift the queue, it might even help grease those sticky wheels over at VFH a little. I reckon it's worth a shot, what say you? --UU - natter 18:39, Sep 30

I was thinking about making a forum topic to this general effect, actually. I've already booked a review for one of GlobalTourniquet's articles, which I should be able to do in the next few days, and then this weekend I should be able to do another. In short, I'm both able and willing to oblige. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 19:09, September 30, 2009 (UTC)

Cool, much appreciated! --UU - natter 22:02, Sep 30

A word from your new insect computer WotM

Thank you so much

for supporting my nomination for Writer of the Month.

I would like to take this opportunity to announce my shift away from writing. The reason is very simple.

As the intelligence of the average Internet user has exponentially decayed, Internet media in general has seen major paradigm shifts, from newsgroups to webcomics to lolcats. Clearly writing is dying, and Photoshop is taking its place. Visual puns such as the one at left are just as funny, and take massively less effort.
Get it? MacMania? A Macintosh wearing a Scottish kilt (because the username begins with "Mac") gone mad (and therefore transformed into a Dalek)? Oh, forget it, I'm sticking to writing.

---

Thanks for the vote! Sir MacMania GUN—[23:02 1 Oct 2009]

Very clever template. And yes, you should stick to writing. Also, you're welcome. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 04:44, October 2, 2009 (UTC)

oh, yes, about that

... did I tell you about how you got your ass kicked in fantasy football yet? --Staircase CUN^t 04:46, October 3, 2009 (UTC)

Too bad I still lead the league in points and will almost certainly win this week and am still far superior to you. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 04:49, October 3, 2009 (UTC)

Uh uh /waves finger But just look at me with my big ol three-and-ooohhhh, mister two-and-one. Staircase CUN^t 04:50, October 3, 2009 (UTC)

Hey man, it's a long season. Oh, and you know who else is 2-1? New England. Indy's 3-0. Bitch. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 05:02, October 3, 2009 (UTC)

Oh, what a sob story /cries plus, everyone knows NE just ain't what it used to be. After the... *shudder* injury. Staircase CUN^t 05:08, October 3, 2009 (UTC)

Ya know who's never been injured? Yeah. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 15:31, October 3, 2009 (UTC)

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! ~~Sir Fightstar Rocks! CUN 17:58, October 3, 2009 (UTC)

So I was reading your David Lynch article...

And it prompted me to check out Eraserhead, pretty good although somewhat disturbing. What do you think? ~~Sir Fightstar Rocks! CUN 17:57, October 3, 2009 (UTC)

Without a doubt one of my favorites of all time. Yes, it's disturbing, but for the aesthetic alone it's a good movie, not to mentioned the multiple potential interpretations/layers of meaning. Google some literature on the film and read up because it's all, like, mad interesting. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 04:38, October 4, 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost: October 1st, 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

All your readers are belong to us

October 1st, 2009 • Issue 66• Now With 40% More Pictures of Cats with Humorous Captions!

Users Turn to PLS to Rescue Uncyclopedia from Decay, Doom, Worstness By Gerrycheevers The Eighth Semi-Annual Poo Lit Surprise Writing Competition & Brownie Bake-Off begins this Monday, October 5th when Olipro emerges from his house. If he is frightened by his shadow, writers are required to send him love letters; otherwise, writers have two weeks to squeeze all of the humor they can out of their mostly insignificant humor glands. This year's categories include Best Article, Best Illustrated Article, Best Kanye Joke, and Best Rewrite. The list of judges includes both esteemed Uncyclopedia veterans and former PLS winners; they will be sequestered in a two-star hotel for the duration of the competition in order to ensure the most convenient environment for receiving bribes. This year's PLS Master of Ceremonies and Executive in Charge of Parking, Modusoperandi, humbly expressed optimism when asked about the quality of this installment: "This Poo Lit will be the Greatest PLS ever," said Mr. Operandi exclusively. "Anyone who says otherwise is as much of a liar as they are dumb, and they are plenty dumb. Ergo, they are also plenty liar. That made more sense in my head." Other users, who wished to remain anonymous since they regularly read the unflattering commentary often associated with being quoted in the UnSignpost, expressed hope that the PLS would revive the life-support-laden VFH and also stimulate the lagging Uncyclopedia economy. Users Agree: 'Uncyclopedia is the Boringest' By Gerrycheevers This week, Uncyclopedia users denounced the recent lack of activity on the wiki. Necropaxx initiated the conversation, noting that activity on VFH, similar to the pants of the 'hip' crowd, has dropped to unacceptably low levels. Other users have responded, and the general consensus does indeed seem to be that overall, the site's quality has dropped below acceptable levels. Not since June '07, November '07, February '08, August '08, December '08, March '09, and May '09 has Uncyclopedia seen such a blatant claim that the entire website will imminently burst into a ball of some sort, with 'flame' being the most likely sort of ball. Trusted UnSignpost undercover investigative reporter, DogNewspaper (pictured), infiltrated one such group of doom-saying users in order to obtain some first-hand declarations of the impending death throes of the wiki. "Yeah, with the number of quality articles readily available, I'd give Uncyclopedia two months at the most until it is absorbed into another humor website," said one user. Further commentary from this group of users was unavailable, as undercover investigative reporter DogNewspaper's cover was at this point compromised, as his unwavering loyalty to Uncyclopedia caused him to seize the infidel user's lower leg in his mouth and shake his head viciously. Please stay with the UnSignpost for up-to-the-week coverage of the impending(?) death of Uncyclopedia.

Check out these pages! Features and Self-Loathing on Uncyclopedia An all-time Uncyclopedia mystery explained in agonzing detail Get your monthly dose of religious oppression! From our logs: 17:54, September 27, 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 92.233.10.123 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month (Under Uncyclopedia emergency act (1976) I hereby revoke your editing priveleges) 20:55, September 27, 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 58.166.95.119 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (only two kinds blank Texas: steers and queers. and steers find it hard to use the internet so I guess that narrows things down a little, doesn't it?) 21:42, September 29, 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 91.203.96.48 (Talk) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎(Hates me for some reason. Even though I happen to be the nicest man who ever lived. It's true, ask Richard Nixon.) Biopic of the Week Since exploding onto the Uncyclopedia scene in 2007, MacMania has developed into a fine-tuned humor machine. His recent writing endeavors have earned him a Writer of the Month nod, and as such, he is certainly a user worthy of biopication. His current sabbatical makes UnSignpost editors sad, but perhaps a constant spamming of his userpage with pleas to return will accelerate his comeback. UnSignpost readers, away! Old School Featured Article I Can't Believe it's Not Murder is the preferred alternative of first degree murder that celebrities, famous sports stars, politicians, and otherwise prominent individuals take advantage of in courts of law. It is similar to being found guilty of first degree murder, though this version avoids the undesirable consequences such as jail time, fines, probation, and the unsightly community service. Random Thought of the Week Dippin' Dots have been the ice cream of the future for like ten years. Shouldn't they be the ice cream of the present by now?

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

Late deliver courtesy of MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 20:26, October 5, 2009 (UTC)

I asked, you delivered

Thanks for helping out this weekend with a pee or two. Have a beer! --UU - natter 20:53, Oct 5

Somebody has awarded you a cookie! Now go play in traffic.

Thanks! I only did one, though. I intended to do another, but my weekend was insanely busy. Also, football was on Sunday. But yeah. Thanks! —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 04:57, October 6, 2009 (UTC)

Thanks!

Thanks for the nomination! I will try and think of some article for the PLS. ==Clemens177 05:00, October 11, 2009 (UTC)

And they say band articles are devisive!

This did make me laugh though. Pup t 05:46, 13/10/2009

Well I'm glad somebody likes that article of mine.... —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 12:13, October 13, 2009 (UTC)

My favorite article. Also, VICODIN. ~~Sir Fightstar Rocks! CUN 22:22, October 13, 2009 (UTC)

I've got a question

It may sound a bit retarded, but... do my writings have a consistent style of humor? If so, what is it called? If not so, how can I get one? • FreddCan Shredd • • • 18:43, October 14, 2009 (UTC)

I would say so. It's sort of hard to describe or put a finger on, but I know when I'm reading a Mahmoosha article, if that makes sense. As long as you "write what you know", you really can't go wrong. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 19:10, October 14, 2009 (UTC)

I checked my Oxford English Dictionary. It's called "Mahm00shAing." King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  19:13, October 14, 2009 (UTC)

I checked my Cambridge Dictionary. "Mahm00shing" is synonymous with "writing in a lame fashion" • FreddCan Shredd • • • 10:36, October 16, 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost Sometime October 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Self-Proclaimed Greatest Periodical Of All Time!

October 8th, 2009 • Issue 67• Good things come to those who wait. So does the UnSignpost.

The End is Nigh... Once Again By The Sockinator Yes, it's that time of the year again. Despite the hopes of many, Poo Lit Surprise did not instantly revive Uncyclopedia. We are doomed! DOOMED! But how did the great Uncyclopedia become such a wasteland, one may ask. It's all a big conspiracy, I tell you! All perpetrated by a mysterious figure, known only by the initials R.L. Perseveringly, this entity has claimed the lives of various Uncyclopedians, among them such users as SysRq, Cajek, YesTimeToEdit, Siddhartha-Wolf and most recently it seems R.L. has even gotten its grips on our own UnSignpost editor Gerrycheevers. When confronted with the issue, noted favourite Jew and Zionist ruler Mordillo barely managed to exclusively tell us the following "I tell you Socky, I'd be happy to comment about our IMPENDING DOOM but I'm too busy packing. Another time maybe? HEY! MOTHERFUCKER! EASY WITH THE VASE! THAT'S FRAGILE! Sorry Sock, gotta scram, the movers are breaking my stuff. NO! DROP THAT BAN HAMMER! DROP IT I SAID!" Expert in things that suck (no pun intended), Optimuschris, was quoted saying "Uncyclopedia hasn't been cool since 08. Ban 09's." In conclusion, UN:N. UFFL Update By Guildensternenstein The previous two weeks of the UFFL action have been filled with more intrigue than a mediocre James Bond movie. Two touchdownless games by Saints’ quarterback Drew Brees cost Sternensteinenstine a win Week 3, though the team rebounded Week 4 and currently holds a solid second-place standing in the hyper-competitive UFFL. A resurgent Tom Brady and a balanced roster has led Domestic Team Name to two wins over the same period, as well as an unblemished 4-0 record. The Dudes’ neglect to change their starting roster cost them a win in Week 4, knocking the former top dogs down to a less-than-remarkable 4th place. The John Curry All-Stars have been hampered by the loss of Frank Gore, and lost last week to a rejuvenated Dibiase’s Millions that were led by a solid Aaron Rodgers-Matt Forte NFC North attack. A soft schedule has helped Oklahoma City Storm to a respectable 2-2 record, while the winless Doritians continue to struggle. Finally, The Winnerz put up mounds of points as Peyton Manning passed his way to his fourth consecutive 300-yard game…or at least would have if The Winnerz could figure out how to log in to Yahoo! and edit their roster. In a look ahead to next week’s games, Sternensteinenstine and the John Curry All-Stars will have to overcome bye weeks for both their starting quarterbacks to maintain their positions near the top of the league as they face off; Oklahoma City Storm looks to earn an easy win against a bye-week-ravaged Dibiase’s Millions; The Dudes seek redemption as they attempt to reclaim their No. 1 position against the undefeated Domestic Team Name; and the league’s bottom-dwelling, shit-eating, dog-fucking last-placers The Winnerz and Cheddar’s Doritians both search for their first wins of the season. Standings: Domestic Team Name (4-0) Sternensteinenstine (3-1) John Curry All-Stars (3-1) The Dudes (3-1) Oklahoma City Storm (2-2) Dibiase’s Millions (1-3) Cheddar’s Doritians (0-4) The Winnerz (0-4)

Whatever you do, don't check out these pages! Polls, sexiness, and advertisements Terrifying stories of the one-armed man! Pointless numbers From our logs: 08:02, October 5, 2009 Under user blocked RAHB with an expiry time of 123 seconds ‎ (surprising me by returning like that: my doctor says surprises are bad for other people's hearts - because every time I get surprised, I eat someone's heart.) 10:48, October 13, 2009 RAHB blocked Dwarfman1122 with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (Thought you wouldn't be caught, eh? Maybe now you'll think twice the next time you vandalize and then wait three weeks to be banned.) 04:46, October 11, 2009 Modusoperandi blocked 75.47.155.133 with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (I'd give you a longer ban, but you were only picking on Roman Dog Bird) Biopic of the Week The sentient computer HAL 9000, while having only very few contributions on Uncyclopedia—and of a rather questionable nature at that, if I may add—has recently risen to Uncyc fame in what can only be described as one big conspiracy. In response to a question asked by one of our reporters, HAL answered "Let me put it this way, Mr. Sockinator. The 9000 series is the most reliable computer ever made. No 9000 computer has ever made a mistake or distorted information. We are all, by any practical definition of the words, foolproof and incapable of error." In 2001: A Space Odyssey, HAL proved to be a computer very much capable of homicidal acts. Until recently, Uncyclopedia had been successful in evading HAL's detection. Yesterday night however, HAL hacked our beloved Main Page and transformed the wiki into HALopedia. HAL was confronted with many bewildered users to whom he proclaimed "I can see you're really upset about this. I honestly think you ought to sit down calmly, take a stress pill, and think things over." Our experts are still trying to find out how the feck HAL was able to find this place. Though MrN9000 probably had nothing to do with it. For more information, tune in next week. Same un-time, same un-signpost! Random Cajek sighting of the Week Yea, verily, he did come unto us and delivereth a new article. Then he updatedeth his userpage, and fuckethed offeth again. These are enlightened times, my friends! Random Thought of The Week Remember when Uncyclopedia was full of vanity and Pokemon? Wait, it still is. Emergency of the Week Well, lots of things go wrong in Uncyclopedia. It's a simple fact of life. And this week, believe it or not, dear reader, this UnSignpost issue almost didn't make the cut! But do not despair, dear reader, because you can help! Just post any suggestions in the Press Room, and with your help, we can overcome this crisis!

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9001(bot)  01:18, Oct 16

hey

I read on Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Henry David Thoreau you said you are " (unfortunately) very familiar with the work of Mr. Thoreau". Whats wrong with Henry David Thoreau? --Docile hippopotamus 05:36, October 16, 2009 (UTC)

He's not as in-depth as his last name suggests. Where the Wild Colins Are - LET THE WILD RUMPUS START! 20:04, October 16, 2009 (UTC)

He's pompous and boring and I don't agree with his philosophy, basically. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 20:16, October 16, 2009 (UTC)

I also find him to be a pompous asshole who I'd like to kick in the nuts - but every time I read him, I think "Fuck, he's probably right about a lot of this." pillow talk 01:01, October 17, 2009 (UTC)

What philosophers do you agree with Guildensternenstein? --Docile hippopotamus 07:39, October 17, 2009 (UTC)

yoda • FreddCan Shredd • • • 12:45, October 17, 2009 (UTC)

That's hard to say. I mean, there's no one guy I point to and say "Yep, he's got it right," or anything. Seeing as most philosophers are products of their time, a lot of stuff ceases being relevant as time goes by. Thoreau, for instance, was writing at a time when the railroads and American big business was proliferating, and so his message of "hey, man, nature's really cool, and stuff, and I like it so much I'm gonna live next to a pond (really Emerson's back yard) for two years" isn't as groundbreaking or relevant as it was back in the day, and it certainly doesn't speak to me. In high school I had to read Walden, and it was probably the most boring, repetitious, pompous piece of anything I've ever read. (It also led me to create this.) So yeah. As for what I do agree with (mostly, anyway), I'm sort of a cross-between Existentialist-Humanist-Objectivist that strongly believes in moral relativism. As a result, I basically do and say whatever the fuck I want. So yeah. I could also answer your question in greater detail if you want, so if you think that's the case just say so. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 14:27, October 17, 2009 (UTC)

Gah! Guildy, a moral relativist! Woe unto all Uncyclopedians! Woe...! • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Monday, 01:51, Oct 19

David Lynch

thts cool. I do understand wht its like when you get someone editing your article with trash, and I'll admit some of the things I added weren't really that good, I'd just hope that if you didn't like some of it, you'd just take that out, rather than everything new at the expense of the article. That said, I have nothing new to add to it, and will probably never need to edit it again, even after you've refined it. Just note that all the gibberish at the top of the page with the white font is so all the first paragraph is in line, not random vandalism, (or genius subliminalism according to Lynch). --Matfen815 11:23, October 17, 2009 (UTC)

Monsterquest

User:Guildensternenstein/MonsterQuest/Pointless sub page because the white space was bugging me. Sorry, I didn't actually get around to reading anyone else's work until I'd finished my entries, so I'm a little late. Pup t 01:23, 19/10/2009

I definitely like that extra white space--it's sort of meant to draw attention and isolate each account. At least that's what I think/what I intended. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 15:32, October 19, 2009 (UTC)

Okay... I thought you'd want it to be better, but of course if you want to give up the running for PLS now and forfeit for me... Pup t 02:20, 20/10/2009

Hah, fat chance. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 04:53, October 20, 2009 (UTC)

Congrats on Second Best Whatever

How is it decided what's best of the month, second, etc. Does somebody make that decision or is there vote on it? King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  02:49, October 19, 2009 (UTC)

What are you talking about? Pup t 03:47, 19/10/2009

From the 1rd to the 15st, Uncyclopedians vote on the Best of the Month, which has all the features from the previous month (a link appears on the top of VFH). After that, the totals are tallied (and vice versa) and the top three (or more, in the event of ties) are put on Uncyclopedia:VFH/Top3 (which then replaces the other link on VFH). Lastly, this isn't my talkpage. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 04:02, October 19, 2009 (UTC)

Oh, thanks. I don't remember seeing anything about that. Maybe I'll find out where I can vote next time. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  04:13, October 19, 2009 (UTC)

I missed the memo as well... damn! Pup t 04:17, 19/10/2009

It's a conspiracy. That's why we hide it right there at the top of VFH. It's the last place anyone'll look for it. Moo ha-ha! Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 04:24, October 19, 2009 (UTC)

I do realise that, and I guess the problem is that I'm too busy looking at my own reflection to notice these things. Pup t 04:26, 19/10/2009

I have the same issue, but with mine. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 04:34, October 19, 2009 (UTC)

I guess me too, because I still don't see it. I see where it lists the winners, but not nominations (or is that where nominations are listed during the rest of the month?) King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  04:44, October 19, 2009 (UTC)

Are you Leonard from Memento? Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 04:47, October 19, 2009 (UTC)

Why? Do you owe him money? (No, I'm someone who's about eight hours behind on sleep.) King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  04:52, October 19, 2009 (UTC)

Whoa whoa whoa, what is all this? First of all, thank you. Second of all, what Modus said. Third of all, Memento is a kick-ass movie. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 15:34, October 19, 2009 (UTC)

Pee Reviews

You know, I haven't been ignoring your very helpful reviews. I realize that I have yet to revisit the articles you have reviewed, and I fully intend to. Don't think I don't respect your suggestions, I do. I even recall promising somewhere to do so, and I am a bad boy because I have been lazy about it. I'd make up some excuse, but the only one I could think of is that I'm holding out for a pay increase before I do any more work, but that won't fly. Anyway, I'm telling you all this because I feel kind of bad submitting another request without having even taken time to look at implementing at least some of the last suggestions, but apparently not bad enough not to do it. This is not a hint. Thanks. --198.246.22.251 22:49, October 21, 2009 (UTC) You know, you need to inform me that I'm not logged in before I type the four god damn tildes. --Globaltourniquet - (was TPLN) 22:53, October 21, 2009 (UTC)

You didn't have to justify or apologize for anything, you know. And I'll try and get around to that review o'yours at some point in the near-ish future--not that you were hinting at anything, or anything--though I'm going to be kinda busy the next few days. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 00:21, October 22, 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost 22nd 23rd October 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper With No Ambitions, Goals, Hopes or Dreams!

October 22nd, 2009 • Issue 68 • Semi-endorsed by Journalism Union #448

Invisible UnSignpost Issue Confuses, Annoys Readers By Gerrycheevers As a gag/publicity stunt/desperate cry for attention, last week's edition of Uncyclopedia's most beloved and 3rd most cherished newspaper, the UnSignpost, was rendered invisible before being delivered. After the issue was wrapped up, UnSignpost contributing editors Dexter111344 and Socky used their inherent superpowers or something to cause the issue to not appear on user's talk pages when delivered. In addition, further enhancements rendered each user's talk page history to not be altered upon delivery, thus completely erasing any evidence that the issue was delivered or even existed at any point. Feedback thus far has been overwhelmingly negative, with angry subscribers sending death threats and exploding telegrams to the UnSignpost office for the past four days. UnSignpost Executive in Charge of Sniffing Mail, Dognewspaper (pictured), luckily suffered only minor burns and a singed tail. The UnSignpost staff would like to formally apologize to its readers, and assure them that each subsequent issue will be at least partly visible. Poo Lit Report By Electrified mocha chinchilla After giving the writers time to work on their pieces, and Modus taking time enjoying the disqualification of entries for failing the mandatory steroids screening, the 8nd Edition of the Poo Lit Surprise is in its final stages – judging. This is the time where writers who entered play with their genitals out of anxiety and nervousness, and attempt to bribe the judges with sexual favors and pie. This PLS saw a great number of entries in the Best Alternate Namespace Article. The reasoning for this, some believe, is that everyone is utterly bat fuck insane and forgot how to write regular namespace articles. Despite being held just prior to the Turkey Day Ball and Conservation Week, the turn-out was overall not bad; Modus' corporate-funded campaign for the PLS is primarily to blame for this. Speaking of corporate funding, it was indicated that there will be prize money for this edition of the PLS despite Wikia's refusal to hook a brotha' up. All irrevocable blame for Wikia's unfortunate decision has been directed at Sannse for good reason. UPDATE Winners have been announced; congratulations to all of them. According to Modusoperandi, the next PLS is expected to be held, "When the next guy remembers it's late." Fantasy Football Update By Guildensternenstein Things are really heating up in the UFFL as midseason nears, and Week Six’s storylines were of upset, domination, and redemption. Led by Tom Brady, the always-solid New England Patriots Domestic Team Name blew out the hapless Tennessee Titans Winnerz by an insane 109.38 to 0 after choking down a hard loss the previous week. The ironically-named Winnerz, on the other hand, still have yet to win a game. After a lackluster showing last week, The John Curry All-Stars earned a solid win against The Dudes, unseating them of their erstwhile #1 ranking in the process. After starting the season 0-4, Cheddar’s Doritians earned their second consecutive win, albeit against the floundering Dibiase’s Millions. Finally, Sternensteinenstine resoundingly defeated Oklahoma City Storm 164.06 to 118.98 after a lackluster showing the previous week, catapulting the Nazi-run team back atop the UFFL standings. In a look ahead to next week’s games, Sternensteinenstine looks to stay atop the UFFL rankings against a resurgent Cheddar’s Doritians, Domestic Team Name looks to retake the #1 spot against a very solid John Curry All-Stars, Oklahoma City Storm and The Dudes face off, and the bottom-dwelling dog-fucking last-placers Dibiase’s Millions and The Winnerz will look to see which one of them is shittier. Standings: Sternensteinenstine (5-1) Domestic Team Name (5-1) The Dudes (4-2) John Curry All-Stars (4-2) Oklahoma City Storm (3-3) Cheddar’s Doritians (2-4) Dibiase’s Millions (1-5) The Winnerz (0-6) IT'S OVER 25,000!!! Maybe. By Electrified mocha chinchilla Uncyclopedia just might make the mark of 25,000 articles. Sometime soon. Maybe tomorrow. Surely it's yet another milestone that only puts us that much more ahead of Wikipedia, Conservapedia, and Das Kapital combined in content. However, thoughts from the rest of the community on what this means for our beloved wiki have been varyingly expressed as joyous, apathetic, dismal, and downright nonsensical. "But even with 25,000 articles, we're still 65,000 short of being strong enough to fight Captain Ginyu," says the attractive Guildensternenstein as we stop him on his way to Planet Namek. Others offer real conversation of a possible reskin and doubts that the mark will actually be reached with Forest Fire Week probably happening sometime. Maybe. Discussion started by an attention whore in Miniluv over the Welcoming Committee and their welcoming template(s) has sparked the particular attention of many Uncyclopedians, most of whom by their own admission have never read the welcoming template, HTBFANJS, BGBU, any of the other things the welcome template advises new users to read, or have heard of Uncyclopedia. The recent round of QQ'ing and debating over the alleged poor quality of Uncyclopedia, as highlighted in the last edition's piece about the end being nigh and a Poo Lit Surprise nomination, can come to a close. It is this writer's observation that Uncyclopedia is the worst because nobody cares about editing guides which make confusing acronyms. Obvious correlation is obvious. On our final stop in our stroll through the Village Dump, to your left you will see that a n00b was just kidding, jeez, and to your right you will see that Rockstar Games reads Uncyclopedia. In the former, users urge the poor fellow to read HTBFANJS and BGBU (the same ones that they probably haven't read). If anything is to be drawn from this, it is that true editing comes from within. Or something.

Check out these pages! Uncyclopedia:Worst or Not? The Debate Rages On Free Advertisement for Jumping Ship Spreading the Good Word About New Articles From our logs: 23:04, October 9, 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 24.90.32.102 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎(That was a waste of an edit. There are edit-starved kids in China that would've used that to its fullest extent, you know.) 10:48, October 13, 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Dwarfman1122 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎(Thought you wouldn't be caught, eh? Maybe now you'll think twice the next time you vandalize and then wait three weeks to be banned.) 18:27, October 13, 2009 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked 71.245.120.78 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎(Please enjoy our token Fuck the Hell Off.....) 08:10, October 15, 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Sudeepk9 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week (wow, we are a beacon of sunshine today, aren't we?) 21:27, October 17, 2009 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎(A wizard did this.) 17:36, October 19, 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) changed block settings for 72.93.168.203 (Talk) with an expiry time of Judgement Day (Liking Naruto and insisting we stop making fun of it. What? How is that not a reason to permanently ban someone?) Biopic of the Week Sog1970 has churned out a dozen featured articles in just a few short months, earning him a Writer of the Month nod and now, the most esteemed honor on Uncyclopedia, an UnSignpost biopic. The lack of information on his user page makes writing said biopic rather difficult, but let it be known that Sog radiates awesome. Old School Featured Article of the Week Life's Answerable Questions are a series of ponderances and queriums that have most certainly not chafed at mankind the way other, more disgustingly unanswerable questions have. For example, asking "What's new?" to a stranger will certainly elicit a less confused response than one of those other questions. You know the ones we mean. CAJEKWATCH 05:42, October 15, 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 7 minutes ‎(Because I saw you existing.) 01:23, October 16, 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 minutes ‎(HOLY SHIT IT'S CAJEK HI CAJEK PS BANBANBAN LOLOLOL) 13:21, October 22, 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 147 seconds ‎(I think I'm stressed, I need a release, and this is the best available on this wiki) Random Obscene Japanese Lesson "Kimi no te de boku o ikasete." means "Make me cum with your hand." "Kimi no oppai ga DEKAI yo! Ii nee." means "Your breasts are HUGE! Nice." "Omawarisan! Chikan o tsuka-mate!" means "Police! Arrest this pervert!" That should keep you little squirts happy... Reason to Leave Uncyc #387 Still no good restaurants. This Week in Uncyc, 1933 With the United States deep in a depression, the Uncyclopedia tri-weekly newsreel tried to lighten the mood by poking fun at American President Herbert Hoover and his bumbling sidekick of a Vice President, the famed Charles Curtis. Gags included, and were limited to, both individuals being hit repeatedly with rubber chickens. Mass Delusion of the Week Last week, many users claim to have had similar psychic visions of an alternate Main Page, which told them to do things in a calm, soothing voice. Such notions are of course nonsense; 7 out of the 10 members who sit on the Uncyclopedia Paranormal Activity Investigation and Acupuncture Licensing Board agree that a combination of swamp gas and Venus caused some users to hallucinate vividly, some nearly to the point of seizure. Record for Most Boxes Tied Due to the overwhelmingly large number of stories in this week's extremely humorous edition of the UnSignpost, a correspondingly overwhelmingly large number of space-wasting side boxes had to be added to cause the issue to weigh equally on both sides of reader's talk pages. As a result, the record for number of such boxes has been tied; this issue, along with the March 24th, 1983 edition, have had the most wasted space! Record Broken!!!

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9001(bot)  18:10, Oct 23

You, sir, have balls describing TKF with The Killers.

I highly, highly approve. You are a scholar and a gentleman. Where the Wild Colins Are - LET THE WILD RUMPUS START! 19:31, October 27, 2009 (UTC)

I am very glad you do so. He also said I should consult you about my new UnBook, because you're apparently "wiser in the ways of humor" than I am, or something. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 20:00, October 27, 2009 (UTC)

Seriously? He said that? He really must be going insane. I only have two articles that I will admit to writing. But, he's wiser in humor than a lot of us here, so we should probably listen to him. Where the Wild Colins Are - LET THE WILD RUMPUS START! 20:50, October 27, 2009 (UTC)

"He's a fucking admin, we should do do whatever he says"? So you want me to defecate on him? Well Colin, I never knew you were into coprophilia... MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 20:54, October 27, 2009 (UTC)

Not necessarily him, whatever he wants do-do'd on. Also: If you do want to talk about the UnBook, Guildy, I've got nothing but time if you want to get on IRC. Where the Wild Colins Are - LET THE WILD RUMPUS START! 20:56, October 27, 2009 (UTC)

Well, Colin, TKF's exact words were something along the lines of "I hate you and everything you do and so I'm going to vote against your articles because I have no friends," or something like that. Ya know, I'm not gonna lie, I'm certain that TKF's Against vote was done entirely out of spite because, if you haven't noticed, he doesn't like me very much. Not really sure why, or why he cares so damn much, but that's another matter entirely. Point is, that wonderful individual has a particularly storied history of vehemently opposing stuff of mine when no one else did, and being a meanie to me in general. Anyway, Colin, I know you weren't really a fan of my UnBook, which is cool (not only were you not a cocksucker about it, but you even offered to help), and if it fails it's current nomination I'd like to get some feedback on it from someone that didn't like it. As for right now, I'm reluctant to change too much because it's in the middle of a nomination, and I don't actually know how to use IRC (nor do I have enough time to sit down and IRC converse with someone anyway), so yeah. Thanks, though, for the offer. Keep on rocking. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 22:32, October 27, 2009 (UTC)

Same here. He seems to hate me too, for some reason I don't know, or so he said. Who cares, anyway? • FreddCan Shredd • • • 10:53, October 28, 2009 (UTC)

Ah, I didn't see the nomination until I had already posted that. That would be awkward making changes in the middle of that. But, IRC is rather simple and such, and I'm nearly always on. Just send me a message on my talk page or email or some such shit. (Maybe facebook? I'm a bit of a facebook addict.) Where the Wild Colins Are - LET THE WILD RUMPUS START! 22:53, October 27, 2009 (UTC)

You're on Facebook, eh? I don't suppose your name is "Colin Heaney," is it? —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 23:15, October 27, 2009 (UTC)

Actually, I'm pretty sure I have my username set to Dr.BartholemewCthulhu, but Colin Heaney should be my "real name" Where the Wild Colins Are - LET THE WILD RUMPUS START! 23:23, October 27, 2009 (UTC).

Would asking you to describe your profile picture be asking too much? I don't want to friend the wrong Colin Heaney. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 23:36, October 27, 2009 (UTC)

Not at all. I'm wearing a Guy Fawkes mask. Where the Wild Colins Are - LET THE WILD RUMPUS START! 23:53, October 27, 2009 (UTC)

I can't seem to find you for some reason. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 23:55, October 27, 2009 (UTC)

Thar we go. I think that should work. Where the Wild Colins Are - LET THE WILD RUMPUS START! 23:57, October 27, 2009 (UTC)

Nope, just takes me to my home page. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 00:07, October 28, 2009 (UTC)

I had my settings fucked up, try searching Dr.BartholemewCthulhu now. Where the Wild Colins Are - LET THE WILD RUMPUS START! 00:09, October 28, 2009 (UTC)

Success! —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 00:14, October 28, 2009 (UTC)

Actually, I don't know that TKF hates you guys any more than he hates everyone else. Of course, I'm trying to determine the emotions of an individual that I have never been able to develop a significant rapport with, so anything I say is bullshit on the pumpkin patch. Pup 11:03, 28/10/2009

No, he definitely does. At least towards me. Don't know why. Shrug. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 12:18, October 28, 2009 (UTC)

He has a problem with what he perceives to be pretentiousness. Which is fine. As you said, he has an opinion, good for him. Personally, I tend to agree with the assessment that the accusation of "pretentious" is the last resort of the talentless, because truly pretentious art, be it writing, music, poetry, is something I also detest - but I think true pretentiousness is exemplified by something like the lyrics of SOAD, where there is a failed attempt at being profound. It is not pretentious to demand great language, or to appreciate great care in filmmaking, or to be a highly skilled musician more interested in complexity than pop. But be all that as it may, the real problem with TKF is not him misusing the term "pretentious", he's allowed to make that mistake innocently. The problem is how he chooses to express his disdain, with personal attacks and clearly ad hominem judging, voting, etc. This behavior is not acceptable for the low-brow or the high-brow. He banned me for an entire week, more for being "horrible and pretentious" than for his stated reason, which was also specious, that I did not take his hint that I should move my PLS judge comments to the talk page. Perhaps also out of jealousy that I cared enough to provide helpful comments at all. --Globaltourniquet - (was TPLN) 17:04, October 28, 2009 (UTC)

So basically he's a dickweed. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 19:04, October 28, 2009 (UTC)

You were right

This is petty. Pup 03:02, 29/10/2009

Unless there's some detail I'm missing...ahem. Also, this isn't my talkpage. I'm just trying to starve the dramalion, which Firefox tells me isn't a word. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 03:14, October 29, 2009 (UTC)

I was actually referring to the comment that went with it, which seems to be trying to continue the dramalion, which my Firefox doesn't like, and it's got an Australian dictionary, cobber. Pup 03:29, 29/10/2009

Or maybe he can't type well...with his big, greasy, fat, meaty fingers. Didja think of that, hmmm? He's up to almost six hundred pounds! Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 04:51, October 29, 2009 (UTC)

Yeah, wasn't quite sure what to make of that. At least it didn't include gratuitous use of the word "pretentious," which is a step in the right direction, I suppose. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 05:00, October 29, 2009 (UTC)

Thanks

Chief would like thank you for voting for him to be UotM for October Thanks! It means a lot to me, which is quite depressing on it's own.

--ChiefjusticeDS 18:51, November 1, 2009 (UTC)

I sentimentally peed on your Women's Novel

	The article UnBooks:Insipid Sentimental Women's Novel has been reviewed by Miley Spears(talk)
	Version as at 02:20, October 29, 2009	PEE review

Excellent, thank you! —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 21:06, November 2, 2009 (UTC)

You're welcome. :) DAP Dame Pleb Com. Miley Spears (talk) 22:15, November 2, 2009 (UTC)

Kick-Ass Monsterquest!

I love the show MonsterQuest, and your article is kick-ass! You deserve to have that article chosen. Keep up the awesome work! Mijnheer Markchung, Keiser van die Boerstaat. 00:23, November 3, 2009 (UTC)

Thank you! —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 12:51, November 3, 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost 29-10-2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Smiting the nail of news with the plastic hammer of truth

October 29th, 2009 • Issue 69 • Hehehe, 69

9001(bot)  01:33, Nov 3

Attn: Regarding an article hosted on your website

Dear Mr/Ms Guildensternenstein/archive5, Greetings. I am the lawyer for Arthur C. Clarke's estate. It has come to my assistant's attention that you recently supported an article on this website (henceforth referred to as "Uncyclopedia"), namely the article titled 2001: A Space Odyssey, to be featured on the website front page. We are honoured, although, of course: 1. We are fully aware of just how monumentally great the film is, and 2. We are preparing a suit against you for supporting copyright infringement, and the author of the article (referred to as "MacMania") is currently under arrest at Sri Lanka (not Ceylon).* However, we would be obliged if you would be able to do us one small favour. As interim representatives of Clarke's estate, we are in talks with Random House to commission a fifth book to add to the 2001 trilogy of four books. We've always been of the opinion that 3001: The Final Odyssey was too bleak of a book, and we would love to have the series finish on a slightly more upbeat note. We were thinking 3010: And Another Odyssey, by J K Rowling? Please let us know. Your obedient servant (in a figurative sense) James Steel c/o Alesha Phillips London EC4M 7EH UK * Why Ceylon got the works is nobody's business but the Sinhalese.

It's a bit late, but not as late as a late parrot. Thanks! Sir MacMania GUN—[13:56 3 Nov 2009]

Yet another insanely badass thank you template from Mac. The article wasn't too bad, either. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 16:27, November 3, 2009 (UTC)

Would you like a yellow daisy?

Uncyclopedia:VFH/UnBooks:Insipid Sentimental Women's Novel (2nd nomination) DAP Dame Pleb Com. Miley Spears (talk) 06:29, November 4, 2009 (UTC)

hey

I was reading quotes from Chasing Amy and saw one and thought "must show Guildensternenstein this quote":

Fan: I love these guys! You know what? They're like Bill and Ted meet... Cheech and Chong!

Holden McNeil: Yeah. I-I kinda like to think of them as Rosencrantz and Guildenstern meet Vladamir and Estragon.

Fan: Yes!

[pause]

Fan: Who? --Docile hippopotamus 08:15, November 4, 2009 (UTC)

Hahaha, excellent. I've never seen Chasing Amy, but I have read both Hamlet and Rosenkrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 13:26, November 4, 2009 (UTC)

I Blame You

I've actually been checking Pee Review every few hours or so in the last few days in the hopes that you have reviewed it. This might be due to my lack of a "life", or it's much more preferable to studying for my general anatomy exam which is actually tomorrow. If I end up failing I blame you. >=( (at the same time I think your work is awesome) --~ 17:42, 2009 Nov 4

Oh, wow, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to inadvertently waste your time, or anything, I'm just A) lazy, and B) I just downloaded The Hazards of Love, and wanted to listen to it before writing the review of your article, but haven't had a good hunk of time to do so. I'll definitely have it reviewed by the end of the day, promise. In regards to your anatomy exam, just remember that song: "The vertebrae's connected to the...other vertebrae, and that vertebrae's connected to...yet another vertebrae.... —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 17:49, November 4, 2009 (UTC)

Thanks for the review. (my exams in 3 hours, still not studying) I'm unfortunately not that well versed in the ways of the hipster, cuz I'm not really one (I'm not joking), and there are not that many hipsters where I'm from, out in the middle of nowhere.......... also Uni basically prevented me from getting on my pretentiability, as I do science (dentistry to be exact) and you know what those people are like. I've found it hard to suddenly break my normal prose and make hipster references, usually a sort of "segway" is needed. I also at some point thought I had giant walls of text, but I felt that the exposition parts are needed to get the reader acquainted with what the band is, so if you have any concrete suggestions on what and how to cut down? I'll get to rereading and making changes after next week, when all my other exams are over. (what am I sill doing here?) Argh. My God. (2 hours now) Maybe I could start a biology-related article.... --~ 03:24, 2009 Nov 5

Either you mean segue, or you can't introduce a topic without riding a two wheeled motorised scooter. Pup

I actually wrote (or, rather, re-wrote) a biology related article. I've been meaning to revisit it for a while, now, but don't know how to go about things. Maybe you want to take a stab at it and/or give me some advice, or something? —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 05:54, November 5, 2009 (UTC)

That was embarrassing, yea that was what I meant. And no I have no advice for you because that's a weird angle you choose, and I don't know much about films. Biology is a large, all-encompassing subject, and very, very general. It's kinda like doing an article on "history". And shouldn't 2 films be bilogy? I was thinking of doing something more specific though. --~ 10:16, 2009 Nov 5

Well, probably, but it's meant to be a pun/make fun of people who don't know what different, similar sounding words mean. Or something. Yeah. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 13:25, November 5, 2009 (UTC)

Oh, eye sea. A homonym pun. Pup

Thanks

 Voting For Godot  

The GlobalTourniquet says "Thanks!"   Thanks, <insert name here>, for ruining the pathos of my plight by voting for my featured article.

Why haven't you

voted on my untweet yet? • FreddCan Shredd • • • 14:02, November 6, 2009 (UTC)

I will at some point, don't worry. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 16:11, November 6, 2009 (UTC)

Thanks

 There is a featured article beyond all featured articles known to man...  

At the sign-post up ahead... You have just crossed over into... the Thank You Zone. The Global Tourniquet says "Thanks for voting for my featured article"

(Additional thanks for the nom!) -- GlobalTourniquet: UnAstrologer, UnJournalist, shameless narcissistic America-hating liberal atheist award-winning featured writer 06:25, November 11, 2009 (UTC)

THINKER

So a little birdy told me that you'd be willing to step down from judging the Aristocrats Ball this year? It'd work out good for both of us really; you'd be able to contribute a quality entry, and I'd be able to cast judgment upon people weaker than me. It's really a better distribution strengths. Whatcha think? --THINKER 23:54, November 11, 2009 (UTC)

Eh, if you want to judge that badly than I'm not the kind of guy to say "no." Consider it done. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 23:56, November 11, 2009 (UTC)

Eh, what the fuck! He called me "a little birdy"?! And it slips me for a month? A little birdie, for fucks sake? This thinkererer guy is so killed. • FreddCan Shredd • • • 16:46, December 8, 2009 (UTC)

Stereotype

So in short, tighten up the first section - a little more blatant humour and probably a little shorter, possibly move the World War II and population decline to the end of it and re-work Stereophonic typecasting so it's a nice little lead-in to the more obvious humour in the Beginner's guide to stereotypes. Whiten the background of the images. Maybe re-jig the layout so that there's a little less white space. And maybe add another link to the List of Stereotypes to the end of the article as a See also section? (Don't you love the way you put a huge effort into a review and I've just cut it down to a paragraph?)

Should I caption the images? Maybe have the Puppy Sig image as a symbol of the stereotypist (ie - sniffing out what brand it is)?

And in case you think I'm being a little curt, I really appreciate the review. Lot's of useful stuff in there, and you stroke my ego, which is always good. There's a golden shower in it for you when I get around to it. Pup

Oh, did I forget to mention I'm a perfectionist? I haven't changed anything yet as I'm still considering what I can do with it and if it will be an improvement. Pup

PuppyOnTheRadio would like to bless
Guildensternenstein
for your efforts in improving our world by
PEE reviewing Stereotype.
May you treasure your Puppy blessing always

Not going to lie, this template is both epic and unnecessary. Not unlike most thank-you templates, really. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 13:26, November 30, 2009 (UTC)

Carnistan

Just a couple small suggestions: In Carnies, Carnistan isn't mentioned until The Middle Ages section, and isn't explained there. I'd like something, even if its simply, like "After Carnies formed the nation of Carnistan in the 13th century" or whatever.

Also under Culture you have "collective inability to price things under $5.00" but in footnote one you have "why the fuck does bottled water cost $4.00?”

I hope this helps! King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  05:54, December 9, 2009 (UTC)

Gotcha. I'll revise accordingly depending on its VFH performance, as I notoriously don't like to revise things when they're up for vote (NOTE: this is not an invitation for you to vote Against, haha). —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 06:34, December 9, 2009 (UTC)

I've made slight revisions to a few VFH's, and haven't gotten in trouble for it. Yet. (Actually, one admin actually encouraged me to do it as I was just fixing mistakes or clarifying something, that sort of thing). I'm foolish enough to make those slight revisions--but only if you don't mind. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  07:12, December 9, 2009 (UTC)

Well, it's not that I'm afraid of "getting in trouble," or anything. I'd just rather not revise something while it's in the middle of being read/evaluated, you know? It would be like movie editors going back and changing things in a movie while said movie is in the middle of theatrical release. Or at least that's how I see it. Whenever it's off VFH (whether it passes or not), I'll take another look and think about making those revisions, sound good? —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 16:30, December 9, 2009 (UTC)

"Do what thou wilt is the whole of the law." -- Aleister Crowley, Ordo Templi Orientis, Uncyclopedia Legal Department, Thelemic Division. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  19:17, December 9, 2009 (UTC)

Dude, I was named after Alister Crowley--his birth name was Edward Alexander Crowley, and my name is Edward Alexander Benoit. How cool is that? —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 20:10, December 9, 2009 (UTC)

I just read Carnies and enjoyed it a lot. Sorry I wasn't able to vote on it, but congratulations either way. • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Tuesday, 19:27, Dec 15 2009

Hard to tell when someone's serious and when they're joking here sometimes. Were you really named after Crowley? King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  22:16, December 15, 2009 (UTC)

Yeah, no lie. My little brother is Jonathan Michael Benoit (Ozzy Osbourne's real name is Jonathan Michael Osbourne). Yeah. My parents were pretty metal. \m/ —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 01:46, December 16, 2009 (UTC)

Now that's COOL. \m/ SIRE FREDDMOOSHA AMUSE ME • 13:54 • Wednesday, 16-12-2009

I had no idea you were named after him, and then I go and put a quote by him on your talk page. Weird. But about "Do what thou wilt is the whole of the law"--I'll admit, when I first saw that I strongly disagreed with it, as it seemed to mean there is no morality, don't give a damn about anybody other than yourself, etc. Now, I'm not so sure that's what was meant. It could mean that, in reality, you can do anything you can do, and people saying "I didn't have a choice" is crap. Whatever you do is your choice; you always have a choice. Even if you're chained in a dungeon, you have a choice of whether to eat the food and drink the water they give you, and of where you'll focus your thoughts. Opinions, anyone? King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  15:54, December 18, 2009 (UTC)

Yeah, I agree. I don't believe the "we don't have a choice" thing, it's defeatist bullshit. And as for Crowley's quote, what the fuck? Does it mean that I can rob a bank or assassinate a public figure and be abiding to the law? Cause if it does, I'm in! :) SIRE FREDDMOOSHA AMUSE ME • 03:45 • Saturday, 19-12-2009

Yeah, I agree. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 03:38, December 20, 2009 (UTC)

Just butting in on this friendly philosophical debate. I disagree that "I don't have a choice" is completely crap. If you escaped out of the dungeon into a developed city with hospitals and law enforcement and food, it's easy to forget that more choice is available to people who are more privileged. I'd say, for instance, that a child born with AIDS, in a village stricken by malaria, who has to walk many kilometres to the nearest hospital or food source, doesn't really have much choice. As an analogy, if you escaped out of the dungeon and it happened to be located in the middle of the desert/jungle/warzone/other undesirable location, your survival is often down to luck. It is a fact that some people are more intelligent, talented, skillful or attractive than others, and some people happen to have more opportunity than others. I'm not saying that choice plays no part in it, but I think chance and opportunity is more important than people give credit for. As another analogy, you could look around the dungeon for methods to escape, but what if the dungeon is constructed so well that there is no weakness in anything whatsoever. Also, if you are stupid, you might not recognise the weaknesses in the dungeon as an escape method. And, most of all, what if your captors don't give you water or food, and routinely subject you to kinky sado-masochistic torture? ~ 16:51, Dec 20, 2009

Yeah, true. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 17:29, December 20, 2009 (UTC)

I agree that some people have more choices than others, and that chance can play a major part in the choices you have. My point was that regardless of your circumstances, you do have choices. The only situation I can think of where "I have no choice" would apply is if your thoughts and actions were being completely controlled by someone else; but I'm not sure that's currently possible. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  04:33, December 21, 2009 (UTC)

I guess so. It's more of a Wicca quote than a Crowley quote, though, don't you think? Crowley was probably quoting Wicca law. ~ 18:45, Dec 22, 2009

I believe the Wicca principle includes the addendum "and harm none". While it's a philosophical debate what constitutes "harm" and who constitutes "none", the principle is well taken. As for the Crowley quote, I think it does point more toward self-responsibility than unbridled liberty, though it is admittedly provocative as stated. In other words, if you are doing it, then within your given circumstances you willed it, which is what I think what Hiatus is saying. -- GlobalTourniquet: UnAstrologer, UnJournalist, shameless narcissistic America-hating liberal atheist award-winning featured writer 21:01, December 22, 2009 (UTC)

This could come into a chicken-or-the-egg discussion (and also I'm going to sound like I'm referencing an encyclopedia; please forgive me). While Wicca became "formalized" and popularized in the 1950s largely through Gerald Gardner, the origins may have been earlier in the 20th century. Crowley died in 1947. Both, of course, claim roots that go back much further. But in a technical sense, Crowley's work came before that of Gardner. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  00:53, December 23, 2009 (UTC)

In Gratitude

~Formerly Annoying Crap 10:05, 17 December 2009

You're very welcome, Zana. Regardless of what some people think, you're a damn good writer. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 15:59, December 17, 2009 (UTC)

I'm feeling verklempt

Say, congrats and stuff on your Feature of the Month for November 2009 win for UnBooks:Insipid Sentimental Women's Novel! King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  20:48, December 18, 2009 (UTC)

Why thank you! —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 06:24, December 19, 2009 (UTC)

congrats

On top voted article of the month. Somehow it makes the also ran of PLS that little bit more bearable, doesn't it? Pup

Yeah, I know, really. Thank you! —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 06:25, December 19, 2009 (UTC)

Drama

Hi, I have just wrote an article that parodies the social phenomenon on Uncyclopedia known as Drama. Seeing as its become a bit of a problem in the past few months (years?) I thought it would be quite cool to make a section at the bottom of the article about other users' opinions of Drama. So I thought I'd invite you to write one, preferably humourous. It's no big deal if you don't want to, but if you are interested, you can come up with a quote and either leave it here on your talk page and I'll add it later, or you can go straight to the article itself and add it there. Any suggestions on improvement are also welcome. Thnx. --Matfen 00:33, December 21, 2009 (UTC)

Article link here.

Heh, coolness. I'll write a quote sometime soon. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 01:37, December 21, 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost Delivery! - December something!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper that took a long enough vacation to make former President Bush jealous.

December 17^th, 2009• Issue 70 • Fuck You! I Felt Like It!

UnSignpost and random editor return from two month break, find that not much has changed By THEDUDEMAN After 2 months, one would think that things would change. But from the looks of it, nothing really has for Uncyclopedia in the past few months with out UnSignpost. In particular, the problems in caring, changing things, doing other things and caring have gone from the problems of two months ago, to the problems of now, with nothing really changing. The causes of these problems, discovered after much digging through archives seems to be the general Nobody cares aditude of the site, and the general populations inability to really change anything, because they don't care. A random user who had been missing since around the last issue of UnSignpost made this comment. "Well, when I left, uncyc had been having its own problems and everyone had been complaining about the same things for some time and nobody really cared enough to do anything, or just couldn't make anything happen." says THEDUDEMAN, who had been missing since late September. "I thought I'd come back and see what was happening in the world of Uncyclopedia, and by the looks of it, nothing has changed" While the general population of Uncyclopedia has been alerted to these aging problems, nobody has raised any fuss to get any of them solved. It seems nothing will ever happen because as they all say, nobody cares. UU notices return of USP, hijacks article for own nefarious ends By UU Yeah, that title pretty much gives it away - evil admin UU has hijacked this section of the USP to announce two festive initiatives: the Mince Pie contest, and the Ban Parto-ho-ho-l, both of which are to be found on his userpage. So if you think you can eat more mince pies this Christmas than UU or current runaway leader Barry Gibb of Bee Gees fame, or if you want to request a friendly festive joke ban for one of your Uncyc chums, get yourselves across to the most festive userpage on the wiki! YOU ARE ALL LAZY TALLYWHACKERS! An Editorial. By The Woodburninator Alright you lazy sons of bitches (no offense to Zana, of course), what in the hell have you been doing these last few months? Gerry takes time away from this awful place for, like 3 months, and no one is able to do a single UnSignpost? Not once. SINCE OCTOBER! Have we as a community forgotten the fine, upstanding tradition that this here barely read online journal has kept going since May of 2008? It is time for a little history lesson boys and girls (No offense to Zombiebaron, of course). The Post was started by Cajek and Skully in May of 2008. That's really as far as I got with my research though, so I guess your history lesson is over. Regardless, how many amazing stories have been broken from the fine investigative journaling over the years? Like the time we broke the story that the UnSignpost was starting up. Or the time we told everyone Spang's talkpage was destroying the Wikia servers. A problem that still haunts us today. Without this venerable post, those stories never would have been unleashed upon the moronic and ignorant public that includes you, who are both a moron and ignorant. We need this thing to bring us the news, and make us laugh. We need this thing for the sake of parody. But, above anything else, we need this post in order to waste Dexter's time when he's forced to deliver them. Have you seen his edits around here over the past few weeks? That guy's getting to be WAY too useful, and if we don't stop him now, who knows what he'll do next. Fix VFH? Win Last person to edit wins? Nip this in the bud Uncyc. Nip this in the fucking bud.

Check out these pages! A Caption Contest... or something... Some sort of war of templates? WTF? Shit like this still going on... Really? From our logs: 19:53, December 15, 2009 Mordillo blocked Bobbinator with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (end of the line, fuckwit. I'm going to track down your IP address and report it to the abuse department of your ISP. run and hide motherfucker, run and hide.) 16:56, December 15, 2009 Under user blocked 209.175.13.46 with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (oy, fuck off. no blanking, no cyberbullying, and NO personal details like phone numbers. GTFO.) 13:20, December 15, 2009 Mordillo blocked 199.43.172.254 with an expiry time of infinite ‎ ("199.43.172.254, causing trouble since 2005") BIOPIC OF THE WEEK AH, WHAT CAN BE SAID ABOUT THEDUDEMAN? THE GUY EXHUDES DUDLINESS AT ALL TIMES DURING HIS TIME HERE. HE WON UNCYCLOPEDIAN OF THE MONTH IN AUGUST OF 2009. HE WON A PLS WHEN HE RE-WROTE DUDE, AN ARTICLE THAT LATER GOT FEATURED, AND FROM WHICH HE TAKES HIS NAMESAKE. HE HALFHEARTEDLY EVEN TRIED TO START THIS EDITION. HAS HE DONE OTHER THINGS THAT ARE COOL, NOTEWORTHY, AND I SHOULD BE TELLING YOU ABOUT? PROBABLY. BUT RESEARCHING ANY OF THAT WOULD FORCE ME TO GO ONTO HIS USERPAGE, AND SINCE I AM AT WORK, I AM UNABLE TO ACTUALY DO THAT. INSTEAD I'LL JUST STICK TO THE ALL CAPS GIMMICK IN A COY TIE-IN TO HIS NAME. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THEDUDEMAN. Quote of the Week <zim_ulator> no penis involved here LadyCS has left #uncyclopedia <DrSkullthumper> You just lost LadyCS's interest Old School Featured Article of the Week MonthTri-Month Let Someone Else Do It tm is every intelligent person's philosophy of life. There are plenty of things that if we stop doing them for a long enough time, some other sucker with less patience and a greater sense of responsibility will do them instead. This is an established law of our social reality, and it is our obligation to uphold it. VFD Keep vote of the week. Keep The less use something is, the more I identify with it. mAttlobster. (hello) 22:41, December 28, 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

Late deliver courtesy of MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 00:01, December 30, 2009 (UTC)

Happy New Year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

From Unown_yoozer

Hello again

Thanks for the prehistoric compliment on my talkpage, you write excellent things also, those several Metal Gear Solid articles were great. Anyway, if you wouldn't mind giving your thoughts on User:Nikau/UnNews: US surge in Afghanistan may be followed by more strategy alterations, warm feeling it would be appreciated, not a review or anything, just thoughts. --Nikau 13:12, January 1, 2010 (UTC)

Ah well, for better or worse, I have mainspaced it. Thank you for the advice and kind words. --Nikau 21:08, January 3, 2010 (UTC)

Not a problem. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 01:54, January 4, 2010 (UTC)

UotM thanks

'Sincere Thanks'

Thank you very much for helping to make me December 2009's Uncyclopedian of the Month.

In the words of the immortal Sally Field, "You like me, you really like me!"

• • • Necropaxx (T) {~}

---

I know it's late, don't bitch at me. Bitch.

I WILL FUCKING EAT YOUR FAMILY!!! Oh, and thanks for the vote :) --It's Magically Fucking Delicious

Would you like a cookie, sir? 20:51,4January,2010

Dude!

You shaved! Now who's gonna be the bearded one?! • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Friday, 00:22, Jan 8 2010

Don't worry, I'm going to grow another one. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 05:13, January 8, 2010 (UTC)

Another Snazzy Template!

DON'T FORGET TO STUDY THESE MOVIES TOO!

I think I'm running out of bright ideas for templates! Thanks for voting  For. HowTo:Make a B-Movie Monster! --    12:03, January 11, 2010 (UTC)

Probably the sweetest template yet, and your inclusion of Varan and Space Amoeba makes me excited in a semi-sexual way. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 13:45, January 11, 2010 (UTC)

Papyrus

Would you please do the proofreading. And the vote-changing. • FreddThe Metalhedd • • • 20:54 • Monday, 11-01-2010

Will do, but in a day or two. That cool? —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 00:02, January 12, 2010 (UTC)

Is This A Talk Page Or Occupied France?!

HITLER AND MUSSOLINI INVADED COUNTRIES THANK YOU TEMPLATES INVADE TALK PAGES TEMPLATES ARE LIKE HITLER AND MUSSOLINI A vote "For" an article on VFH is a vote "For" Hitler and Mussolini!!

Every  Against. vote KILLS A JAP!! --    13:54, January 12, 2010 (UTC)

Fuckin' awesome template, but then again that's no surprise. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 14:02, January 12, 2010 (UTC)

you've been here for 1 whole year apparently

happy, uh, anniversary or whatever. -- Roman Dog Bird 05:49, January 17, 2010 (UTC)

Why thank you. I was literally just about to make a forum topic on the subject, actually. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 05:52, January 17, 2010 (UTC)

Wait, that's not right. I got here in the same month as Guildy, and the little template on my page says I've been here 10 months and 29 days. Would you like a cookie, sir? 16:05,17January,2010

I got here in the middle of January, actually, I just didn't do a whole lot until February. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 20:47, January 17, 2010 (UTC)

If you don't vote for me, I'll cry.

I swear. I'll do it. Would you like a cookie, sir? 04:13,18January,2010

Vote for you? In what? —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 06:36, January 18, 2010 (UTC)

Collab

Papyrus. I need you to do it with me. • FreddThe Metalhedd • • • 08:13 • Monday, 18-01-2010

I saw you existing. Now answer me • FreddThe Metalhedd • • • 13:39 • Tuesday, 19-01-2010

UnSignpost January several-days-ago^th

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Now With 0 Trans Fat!

Jan 14th, 2010 • Issue71 • Keeping You Guessing

Uncyclopedia Voting Season Arrives, Users Driven To Voting Frenzy By UU 'Tis the season to abstain with extreme prejudice! Yes, every anal-retentive voting obsessive's favourite time of the year has arrived: January marks the point of the year when the awards for the best things of the previous year are voted on! If that's not an oxymoron on a site that is acknowledged to be the worst, of course. This poll-packed month sees WotY, UotY and PotY join (deep breath) WotM, UotM, PotM, NotM, AotM, RotM, EGA, FP, PWotM, ANOTM, Top 10 o' the month, UGotM, VFH, VFD, VFS and VFP as forums for people to air their opinions, prejudices, minor rivalries and petty jealousies. And as if this wasn't enough voting-related thrills 'n' spills, when the Top 10 articles of December 2009 have been decided, there'll be the Top 10 articles of 2009 proper to vote for! UnSignpost's fearless reporter and mascot DogNewspaper (pictured) predicts a bumper month for whoring, in-fighting, backstabbing and bitching as users scramble to secure themselves a fleeting moment's recognition from up to several of their peers. Followed by next to no voting in February, as everyone recovers. From the desk of the Cabal: 2010 ordered to be Drama free By The Cabal As Uncyclopedia drunkenly stumbles into the new decade, barely managing to hold down that spicy dinner it had for lunch, the non-existent cabal would like to wish all residents a happy new year. And by wish we mean order, residents would be subjects and by happy new year we mean fuck you all where communism hasn't failed yet. Yes ladies and gentlemen, we saw it all in 2009. We saw dozens of forums declaring that we're the worst (which we know), we saw numerous editors leave the front door open on the way out (come on people! it's bloody -7 outside!), we saw epic banninations (the simple joys of life), we saw prolific gay bashing (ideologically pure of course), we saw religious wars over sausages, we saw the worst 100 reflections of 2009 barely close before the midnight of December 31st. You promised in 2008 you wouldn't do that. You failed us. And so, ladies and gentlemen, we raise our collective arses from the toilet which was 2009, wiping it with the first anniversary edition of the UnSignpost, as this is the only good thing that ever came out of this rag of a newspaper. We would like to ask humbly that the population of Uncyclopedia do the following: Please, for the love of Sophia, remain calm; exit the building in an orderly fashion; remember that objects in the rear view mirror may appear closer than they are; understand that allergen traces may be found in this Uncyclopedia. And always remember the prime directive: you are here to have fun. Or in short - shut the fuck up and go write an article. Thank you for your undivided attention citizens. You may now remove your muzzles.

Check out these pages! Now you have no excuse Pretend people care what you like It makes as much sense as Scientology, I suppose From our logs: 09:22, 12 January 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 64.40.243.245 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ ("raccist"? what's that, prejudiced against raccoons?) 03:33, 12 January 2010 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 98.101.196.155 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (lol i'm astral projecting an image of two gay guys having sex into your mind or something) 19:06, 6 January 2010 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 216.64.230.79 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Nigger to you too, sir.) 19:05, 5 January 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked JeChr (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Jesus is dead. He's not coming back.) 23:05, 3 January 2010 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 98.217.57.240 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (That was a waste of an edit. There are edit-starved kids in China that would've used that to its fullest extent, you know.) Biopic of the Week Prowling the corridors of pee review with a light step but a heavy hand, ChiefjusticeDS is Uncyc's reigning king of the golden river. He's reviewed more articles than most Uncyclopedians have read. In their entire lives. And he keeps a benevolent eye on everyone else, making sure there's no stale pee in the pond. If you've had a good review in the last year or so, he probably had a hand in that somewhere. Doff your cap and move on. Old-School Featured Article of the Week HowTo:Run away from home is a guide to every early teenager's ultimate weapon in the never-ending battle with the forces of evil as represented by their parents. Written by Alksub - who most of our readership won't remember - this is exactly what to do next time your parents don't let you stay out late to meet that nice-sounding kid you met over MSN who seemed very keen to hook up and get to know you better! Trend of the Year (so far) Username changing. Username a little short? Lengthen it for no good reason! All the cool kids are doing it, apparently.

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I swore I'd never hand-deliver this again. Here it is. --UU - natter 10:06, Jan 18

Better late than later

Thank you Geez, now don't I feel like an idiot. I forgot to thank you for voting me Noob of the Month...back in August 2009. While I disappeared shortly after receiving the award, I have now, like Spiderman, decided to live up the responsibility of wielding it's power. If you, like Jesus, can find it in your heart to forgive me, please send $1 to Forgetful Man P.O Box 5564 NSW, Australia.

Thanks for the vote. Sequence 05:55, January 19, 2010 (UTC)

Hah, the EXTREME LATENESS of this Thank-you shouldn't be a problem, Sequence. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 13:35, January 19, 2010 (UTC)