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The M822 Hand Grenade is an explosive device that resembles a hand. On activation, the device lunges towards the nearest throat or throat-like object and latches on tight with its five "fingers" exploding violently in a gruesome mess. Special care must be taken when activating the grenade. When activated, one should run behind the nearest wall or bush and squat down, so that the grenade cannot "see" you.
Photo credit: Mosquitopsu
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Today's featured article
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Aristocrats are a grouping of people who are thought to be the highest social class in a population. They are typically above the general populace but below the monarch, although generally speaking most aristocrats don't mind who they are on top of, or indeed beneath.
Throughout history, nobles have commanded tribute in the form of cash, labour, crop yield and other despicable acts of submission from commoners. In some countries, the local lord could impose restrictions on such a commoner's movements, religion or sexuality; a power he took advantage of without a second's thought. From the Middle Ages onwards, aristocrats have always had a need for hapless peasants desperate to earn a quick half-a-crown by taking part in the family's sadistic rituals. (Full article...)
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Did you know...
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*... that people residing or visiting Canada often ask themselves, "Why am I in Canada?"
- ... that Bruce Lee could juggle two balls with his penis?
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Word of the Day
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procrastination Try to use it in conversation. Knowledge is power.
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Recent News
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On this day...
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September 4: Unnecessary Surgery Day
- 30 - The Original Artists release album "20/20: The 20 Greatest hits from the 20's"
- 1427 - Katie Price formed by sending an electric current through plastic. Generally seen to be a lousy idea.
- 2003 - Al Gore has an aditional nose surgically attatched to his back, thus letting him smell his own farts.
- 1834 - Vlad Drakul cancels newspaper subscription.
- 1933 or 1934 - Eduard Khil was born. Let the trolling begin!
- 1952 - Colonel Potter tries to take out Lt. Radar O'Riley's appendix, only to discover after making an incision that it's already out.
- 1954 - In the only such instance in recorded history, your mom lost weight.
- 1971 - Elvis gets a paper cut.
- 1972 - Elvis gets a paper clip.
- 1975 - A distant relative of a famous musician accidentally stumbles in front of an oncoming taxi cab, but the car stops, and he survives.
- 1980 - John Denver hits the snooze button.
- 1983 - Michael Jackson nearly dies of food poisoning after eating 12-year-old nuts.
- 1984 - Pop star Prince has a second penis surgically attached. Millions think he's a gimp. Millions more just think it is so he can go and fuck himself. A recent internet video proves this.
- 1985 - Cary Grant finds his bedside table has a small crack on one of the legs.
- 1994 - An Ace Of Base song is released. The subsequent decontamination process takes 15 years to complete.
- 1996 - Pop star Prince (or whatever the fuck he's called now) has a third penis surgically attached.
- 1997 - Prince succesfully sues his surgeon for giving him the penis of an impotent man, claiming it has given his other two penises "performance anxiety". Nobody knows what the fuck he's talking about. Again.
- 2005 - Steve Irwin kills a stingray in a boating accident while 5 times over the drink drive limit.
- 2006 - Steve Irwin is murdered by a stingray. Police say it was an accident and the stingray isn't charged.
- 2050 - Australians finally stop referring to Steve Irwin as a great bloke/battler/fighter/true Aussie and generally agree he was a bit stupid.
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This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains 40,604 articles. Uncyclopedias are being written in many languages, including Isra1337/Main Page!:
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