User:Cheddar Cheesia/Superbowl Mainpage

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Jerome Bettis has inspired us to work on 40,267 articles since opening in January 2005.


Mike Holmgren has posted his XL Superb Owl gameplan for both teams to read before the game.


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The Superb Owl XXXV.
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Today's featured article


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Jesus of Nazareth. Many of you know me and the deeds I did. I was born to a virgin, am the Son of God, died for your sins, and rose from the dead. Everyone knows my story, and who I am.

But do you really?

So much of my life has been just plain mistranslated, and gotten wrong. Raised Lazarus from the dead... Please! Why would I want zombie boy walking around when he didn't like me tapping his sister in the first place? In all honesty I was happy to see him gone. Or at least I would have been. It seems that Lazarus wasn't really dead in the first place. He had a peanut allergy and didn't know it. Ate one or two too many nuts one night, and went into anaphylactic shock, and then a coma. Trust me, I was just as surprised as anyone to see him up and walking around when I showed up. And I had to pretend I was HAPPY to see him too. Man, it isn't easy being me sometimes.

I know it has been a while since I was alive, but so many people have the wrong impression of how my life went, I have to set the record straight somehow. With this autobiography, I hope to tell everyone what, truly, is what. (Full article...)

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Selected anniversaries

July 3: International Hot Pocket Day

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  • 1775 – In the American Revolutionary War, George Washington goes to Cambridge, Massachusetts and takes command of the Continental Army, known for their delicious breakfasts.
  • 1776 – The Declaration of Independence is peer reviewed.
  • 1870Oscar Wilde graduates from Maudlin College, Oxford, with a double-first in Modern Classics and Flower Arranging.
  • 1885"He who hath smelt it, dealt it" ruling in federal court sets new legal precedent.
  • 1890 – The moderately severe United States Potato Shortage of the 1880s is resolved when Idaho is accepted as the 43rd U.S. state.
  • 1978Conceptual artist Humphrey Crawford exhibits his piece Oil, urine and diesel on canvas (pictured).
  • 1996Jeff Goldblum finally begins to figure out how to take down the aliens.
  • 1983 – After a wild night of passion between a Pop Tart and a mediocre plate of Italian food, the Hot Pocket is conceived.


Archived Anniversaries

Word of the day

procrastination
Try to use it in conversation.
Knowledge is power.

In the news


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The car has been in the works since February/

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Silksong, TAWOG, Stranger Things 5, and Spaceballs 2 • Russian InvasionGaza WarTrump and Elon's feud.. make up.. no one knows anymore • Animal-related live-action remakes kicking Snow White's ass • Jaws 50th anniversary • Colorado Rockies game replacing Jaws airing • Israel/Iran "peace talks" • Pittsburgh Steelers adding old players way past their prime

Recent deaths: Fear Street: Prom QueenJohn RedcornBrian Grazer's career and livelihood, and anyone's respect for himSly Stallone Stone Brian WilsonAriana Grande's NonnaCanadian team's bid to win the Stanley Cup, again • PF4Eva's headphone cable • Jimmy SwaggartDiddy's freedom for only 20 years

Upcoming deaths: DEITom Cruise's career of sprinting on-screenNew York Knicks' future success • Pittsburgh Steelers' locker room • Greta Thunberg? • R. Kelly • Iran's nuclear program • Oil prices • Dumbasses with fireworks in their backyards • Diddy's bank account after incoming lawsuits


More Current Events at UnNews News


Did you know...

  • ... that Bill Cowher isn't actually that fireman that saved you, ma'am?
  • ... that half of all American schoolchildren graduate in the bottom 50% of their class?

Do you care...


Read More

Quarterback of the Month and Waterboy of the Month

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David Gerard. What needs to be said about this extraordinary person? He lived life to the fullest. He scaled Everest and swam the Marianas. He piloted a kayak through the rivers of the Yukon with naught but a broken compass to guide him. Now he sits in a nursing home: Alzheimer's has rotted his brain to such an extent that he no longer recognizes himself as the WotM-winning author of Voice Chat, Fountainhead Earth and X Window System.


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If a picture is worth a thousand words, those on Noob of the Month MoneySign's image gallery are good for an average of at least 940 words apiece (he loses points because his Taste picture offends the Greeks). Classic Money highlights include Hazard Dogs and the tuberiffic logo for UnNews, which MS constructed entirely out of string, spittle and beer can tabs.


Congratulations to Rcmurphy, this year's Most Valuable Player!


Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Past Winners: 2005/2006

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