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Uncyclopedia is proud to present an exclusive, never before published column by Chuck Norris.
Recently a debate aired on ABC's Nightline pitting popular theists, Ray Comfort and Kirk Cameron, against two reviled atheists from the "Rational" Response Squad, which is also reviled. This testifies to the growing number (30 million people) of fools who profess there is no God. Add to that what I believe is possibly three times that number of functional atheists, those who believe in a God but don't show it (as True Christians® do, by voting Republican, wearing little American flag pins and putting Jesus fish on the tailgates of their pickup trucks), and patriotic Americans in America are facing a new religious horizon in which atheism is becoming a formidable foe.
Shockingly, although the majority of Americans continue to claim to be Christians, a Gallup poll discovered that forty-five percent of the population would support an atheist for President. Such a survey is a clear indication that the secularization of our Christian nation is alive and well. Secularization, if you are not aware, will signal the end of America as we know it. For example, soon the secular government, blinded by their lack of common Christian decency, will (as they did with public schools) banish the Bible from the White House, before banning it in church and eventually outlawing it in your very own home! Will real Americans continue to stand for this outrage? I pray to the Lord, no. (Full article...)
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Did you know...
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- ... that more people have been inside Paris Hilton, than in the Hilton in Paris?
- ... that if we lose cabin pressure, masks will drop from just above your head? I always get the Richard Nixon mask!
- ... that Liechtenstein is completely pointless?
- ... that a bomb shelter is the safest place to hide explosives?
- ... that if the earth were the size of an apple, we would fall off?
- ... that air is a fictional substance that was once believed to fill the space above the surface of the Earth? While this "air theory" was once used to explain various phenomena, air theory, at last refuted, has joined the gene, the atom, Antarctica, and the free lunch in a long list of scientific red herrings.
- ... that Big Pharma wants to get you high?
  - ... that more people have been inside Paris Hilton, than in the Hilton in Paris?
- ... that if we lose cabin pressure, masks will drop from just above your head? I always get the Richard Nixon mask!
- ... that Liechtenstein is completely pointless?
- ... that a bomb shelter is the safest place to hide explosives?
- ... that if the earth were the size of an apple, we would fall off?
- ... that air is a fictional substance that was once believed to fill the space above the surface of the Earth? While this "air theory" was once used to explain various phenomena, air theory, at last refuted, has joined the gene, the atom, Antarctica, and the free lunch in a long list of scientific red herrings.
- ... that Big Pharma wants to get you high?
- ... that more people have been inside Paris Hilton, than in the Hilton in Paris?
- ... that if we lose cabin pressure, masks will drop from just above your head? I always get the Richard Nixon mask!
- ... that Liechtenstein is completely pointless?
- ... that a bomb shelter is the safest place to hide explosives?
- ... that if the earth were the size of an apple, we would fall off?
- ... that air is a fictional substance that was once believed to fill the space above the surface of the Earth? While this "air theory" was once used to explain various phenomena, air theory, at last refuted, has joined the gene, the atom, Antarctica, and the free lunch in a long list of scientific red herrings.
- ... that Big Pharma wants to get you high?
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