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Garlic bread adventure! You feel an emptiness inside you, a deep pit in your soul that nothing man-made can fill. How many years has it been since you felt her hair running through your fingers? None of that matters. The only thing that makes you happy now is garlic bread. You know it’s bad for your health, and you know it smells like the underpants of a sweaty Gondola rower, but you can’t help yourself. Play game? → Recently featured: HowTo:Rearrange the deckchairs on the Titanic Biffy Clyro Foreign accent syndrome CaseOh Archive · Vote for featured articles · Did you know... ... that this topless woman is clearly unhappy about her situation? (Pictured) ...Jacking off to more exotic fetishes doesn't make you special? ... that 69% percent of statistics contain sexual innuendo? ... God doesn't appreciate those who smoke? ... that Kitten Huffing is a popular, though controversial, alternative to street drugs such as skag and crank? ... that Martin Van Buren is a total dick and nobody likes him? ... that Stupendous Tropical Meningitis Vaccination A, the sister drug to Stupendous Tropical Meningitis Vaccination B, is very effective against Stupendous Tropical Meningitis? ... that Freddie Mercury was banned in some European countries due to his extremely radioactive last name? ... that Richard Nixon really just wanted a Magnavox Odyssey? ... that oxygen is a highly addictive drug, with 100% of all users becoming addicted with their first hit? ... that 69% percent of statistics contain sexual innuendo? ... that creating an account comes with a 50% higher chance of leaving of Uncycloland alive? ... that the oozy, off-colored mound of bloody what-ever-it-is stretching its way out of what used to be a tiny hole is a baby's head? ... that the amazing sensation of excruciatingly warm liquid on the genitals is just one of many reasons to pour boiling hot water down your trousers? ... that your boss is behind you watching you waste time? ... that every time you shoot yourself in the head, someone somewhere in the world dies? ... that this topless woman is clearly unhappy about her situation? (Pictured) ...Jacking off to more exotic fetishes doesn't make you special? ... that 69% percent of statistics contain sexual innuendo? ... God doesn't appreciate those who smoke? ... that Kitten Huffing is a popular, though controversial, alternative to street drugs such as skag and crank? ... that Martin Van Buren is a total dick and nobody likes him? ... that Stupendous Tropical Meningitis Vaccination A, the sister drug to Stupendous Tropical Meningitis Vaccination B, is very effective against Stupendous Tropical Meningitis? ... that Freddie Mercury was banned in some European countries due to his extremely radioactive last name? ... that Richard Nixon really just wanted a Magnavox Odyssey? ... that oxygen is a highly addictive drug, with 100% of all users becoming addicted with their first hit? ... that 69% percent of statistics contain sexual innuendo? ... that creating an account comes with a 50% higher chance of leaving of Uncycloland alive? ... that the oozy, off-colored mound of bloody what-ever-it-is stretching its way out of what used to be a tiny hole is a baby's head? ... that the amazing sensation of excruciatingly warm liquid on the genitals is just one of many reasons to pour boiling hot water down your trousers? ... that your boss is behind you watching you waste time? ... that every time you shoot yourself in the head, someone somewhere in the world dies? ... that this topless woman is clearly unhappy about her situation? (Pictured) ...Jacking off to more exotic fetishes doesn't make you special? ... that 69% percent of statistics contain sexual innuendo? ... God doesn't appreciate those who smoke? ... that Kitten Huffing is a popular, though controversial, alternative to street drugs such as skag and crank? ... that Martin Van Buren is a total dick and nobody likes him? ... that Stupendous Tropical Meningitis Vaccination A, the sister drug to Stupendous Tropical Meningitis Vaccination B, is very effective against Stupendous Tropical Meningitis? ... that Freddie Mercury was banned in some European countries due to his extremely radioactive last name?	In the news World shocked as Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the bucket (Pictured) Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • War Special Combat Operation in Iran • Winter Paralympics • Saturn Awards • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed Recent deaths: Team Italy sled hockey • Miami Dolphins, twice • That guy from Boston. The band, not the city. But isn't the band from the city? • Chuck Norris doesn't fuckin' die, the world died to him • Buffy • Xander Harris Upcoming deaths: Dancin' Maduro • Iran • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons • Streetsigns with Cesar Chavez's name On this day... March 22: World Water Day 1621 - The Pilgrims promise the Indians that they're just peaceful settlers here to eat corn and wear lily white breeches. 1874 - Slavery is abolished in Puerto Rico, replaced with mandatory sugarcane harvest fun time. 1945 - The Arab League are formed to guarantee peace in the region for the next several minutes. 1993 - The United Nations passes a resolution to conserve fresh water (Pictured), tells Americans to shit on the floor instead of on the toilet. 2013 - My Chemical Romance disbands, Gerard Way pursues solo career, apparently. 2016 - Carl's Jr. ordered by FCC to end "sexy" ad campaign because too many viewers just want to fuck the burger. 2018 - Water bottle companies start selling diluted drain cleaner as Alkaline Water.
Today's featured picture Mickeys - the drug of choice for today's trendy ravers. Image credit: Rcmurphy View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images
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Writer and Noob of the Month Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome! So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore. Let us all clap for him because I said so. Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage! Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls. Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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