Black Knight

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The Black Knight Always Triumphs
people claiming otherwise will be shot

“It's just a flesh wound.”

~ Black knight on King Arthur's penis
I'm invincible!

Always clad in black, the Black Knight is a mysterious mercenary who's sole mission is defeating rising inflation, British cuisine and grues.

Early Life[edit | edit source]

Born in a stinking swamp in the middle of Sherwood Forest the Black Knight was the son of a poor lumberjack and a gay women (and by gay we mean a member of the opposing group of Robin Hood's Merry Men). The shacky shack which the Black Knight was raised in was extremely dark 24/7 except at 13:67 standard time. The reason for the constant darkness was that his miserable parents couldn't acquire the camel piss used by locals as candles during the dark black nights; and during the day time he was constantly playing stupid jedi force games that required him to stumble around wearing a black kilt as an eyefold.

Rise to power[edit | edit source]

Upon reaching adulthood (which is not easy when you wobble around wearing a bloody kilt on your face all day long), the Black Knight realized that the only thing that really caught his fancy (except for playing kitten huff) was fighting evil. And by evil we mean everyone who seems to cross his path. Soon enough the Black Knight proved himself as a worthy warrior, slaying everyone and everything in Sherwood, including Robin Hood, Merry Men, Gay Men, lesbians, kittens, hamsters and communists. He also cut down the tallest tree in the forest... with a herring.

The Black Knight is surely much better looking than The White Knight

Modus Operandi[edit | edit source]

Weapons of choice[edit | edit source]

The Black Knight will usually be using the following:

  • A Sword
  • An even bigger and sharper sword
  • Mineral water (with enhanced flavour)
  • The 5th Wall
  • Grue Foreskin
  • Lethal Hamsters
  • His own blood
  • L-shaped Jumping

How to get into a fight with the Black Knight[edit | edit source]

Quite simple - stand in his way or say that the White Knight is better looking.

Foes[edit | edit source]

Surprisingly the Black Knight's worst enemy is the White Knight (although he really isn't a match. He smells funny as well).

Outcome of battles[edit | edit source]




Late Life[edit | edit source]

Since the Black Knight always triumphs, he cannot possibly grow old.

Why black?[edit | edit source]

Many theories were written on the fact that the Black Knight always wears black (otherwise it would have been plain silly to call him the black knight n'est pas?). The truth is, in fact, quite simple: black makes the Black Knight look thinner.

Universal Paradox[edit | edit source]

Since the Black Knight always triumphs, and Chuck Norris cannot possibly lose, it is well advised that the rulers of this universe refrain from placing them in the same plane. It may well cause the universe to implode or incur the wrath of god.

Quotes[edit | edit source]

“You're a loony.”

~ King Arthur on the Black Knight

“The Black Knight is an idiot, his vocabulary doesn't consist of anything but "The Black Knight always triumphs!"”

~ The White Knight on The Black Knight

Further Reading[edit | edit source]