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Today's Party Column Reformed Orthodox Rabbi William "Bill" Clinton (born August 19, 1946) is an American politician, former childcare worker, former amateur saxophonist, and swingin' bachelor. As the 42nd President of the United States, and the horniest man to hold that position since JFK, he led America through the economic golden age of the '90s. Clinton is famous for being the first president to institute the Opposite Presidential Term, in which everything he said during his second term is the exact opposite of what he said in his first term. In his first term, he was a Liberal, but in his second term, he was a Neocon; that was his way of bringing about change. Clinton's term in office was marred by economic and political reform. The most serious was some bitch named Hillary, who kept insisting she was his wife and had actually slept with him. This was widely ignored by everyone until it was revealed that Bill had been secretly cheating on the First Lady with Hillary, in a perverse affair that culminated in a media frenzy. (Full article...) Recently featured: Bill Clinton Buffalo Bills UnGames:Garlic bread Orchid Archive · Vote for featured articles · You can beg our leader to feature your favorite columns. More of the best democratically-voted columns Download our military mind implant device edit Our glorious history April 1: April Fools' Day 1926 - April Emily Fools is born to Herb and Emma Fools in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. 1938 - At the age of twelve, Fools first shows an interest in baking when she helps her grandmother bake cookies. 1944 - Fools lands her first job, working at a tank tread manufacturing plant in downtown Milwaukee. 1949 - After a lengthy engagement, April marries Albert Cranston in Madison, Wisconsin. 1952 - Upon the suggestion of a friend, April begins a small baked goods business from her own kitchen. 1955 - April and Albert welcome their first child into the world: Richard Cranston, named after his paternal grandfather. 1957 - The Cranston family welcomes their second child, Judy. 1971 - April enjoys what she would later describe as "the rush of a lifetime" after appearing on a local television program instructing children how to bake brownies. 1978 - Albert and April become grandparents to Henry Cranston. 1994 - April Emily Fools-Cranston passes away in her hometown of Milwaukee, Wisconsin. The Milwaukee Herald declares her birthday a national holiday. 2022 - In honor of April, Morbius is released, raking in morbillions at the box office and boosting her family's trust to guarantee the continued support of the April Fools Baking Institute for years to come. Complete, fully accessible party archives	Today's hangul word is discordianism Use this word to awe your enemies.
	edit Today in the DPRK Chuck Norris didn't die, Death got Chuck Norris'd. World shocked as Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the bucket (Pictured) Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize Iran kept barely alive by Cardboard Ayatollah Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • War Special Combat Operation in Iran • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed • March Madness Elite Eight Recent deaths: Robert Mueller • Transgender self-identity in India • Mr. Strickland • C.B. Buckner's carreer as an MLB ump • Duke's basketball season Upcoming deaths: Iran • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons • Streetsigns with Cesar Chavez's name • Sora • Tiger Woods' driver's license and career.. fuck it, his life can go too Rodong Sinmun, page 2 edit It is an irreputable fact... ... that Richard Nixon really just wanted a Magnavox Odyssey? ... that we must nuke the whales, or the hippies will win? ... that less than 10% of the world's cactus population contains gold inside? ... that in Spanish, "¡Chinga tu madre, cabrón!" means "Have a nice day"? Tell your friends! ... that homeopathic solutions are an effective treatment for thirst? ... that Elon Musk plots to monetarily obtain Madagascar for the industrialization of Tesla manufacturing plants, alongside having it renamed "Mada-electric-car"? ... that in some parts of Europe, glory holes are preferred to bidets? ... that there is no other word for thesaurus? You cannot deny... ... cluck gawk cluck cluck cluck cluck bock bock cluck cluck B`gawk? (Pictured) ... that St. Peter's Basilica is a large reptilian creature with breath of fire and a gaze that can turn people into stone? ... that colorless green ideas sleep furiously? ... that nobody can describe what a simile is like? ... that if you fold your arms and try to touch your feet you look like a complete fucking fool? ... that on average, humans have less than 2 legs? ... that the entire world rightfully belongs to Albania? ... that if you were to stack up all the elephants on Earth, those elephants would die? More wisdom
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Party members of the month Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome! So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore. Let us all clap for him because I said so. Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage! Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls. Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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