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로동신문에 오신 것을 환영합네다! the official party-controlled newspaper of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea.

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Today's Party Column


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Canadian baseball is a form of baseball played in Canada in which two teams of ten players take turns batting and fielding.

Canadian baseball is played on a large field, called a camp, which is usually comprised of grass and dirt.

The batsman (not a batter) stands on the faceoff spot. His objective is to get to a base (pronounced, as in French, bahz) and, if possible, go around all four bases which make up the iconic square (not a diamond).

Due to the layout of the camp, it is much easier to get to first base than it is to get to the other bases, which is curiously not the case with French-Canadian women.

The lancer (not the pitcher) is made to stand (not sit, unless the batsman does) behind the blue line in the centre (not center) of the camp. (Full article...)

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Our glorious history

Will Smith Day (USA).jpg

July 4: National Shoot Your Terrorist Neighbour Day in the United States

  • 993 – Saint Skeet Ulrich of Augsburg canonized. Unfortunately, they used too much powder and he overshot the catch net.
  • 1776King George III receives a letter from the colonies; throws it out thinking that it's yet another menu from a pizza restaurant.
  • 1862Abraham Lincoln proclaims an end to the American Civil War. He waits a moment, then yells "Psych!"
  • 1917American troops in Flanders attempt to recreate the famous Christmas Truce of 1914 by holding a 4th of July barbeque in No Man's Land. The results are predictable.
  • 1944American troops blow up Normandy, decreasing the size of France.
  • 1969 – Birth of Will Smith. The world rejoices. Warring forces in Vietnam, Czechoslovakia and Detroit lay down their arms, and join together in ushering in the new Golden Age of Mankind.
  • 1996Will Smith and Jeff Goldblum save the world by infecting the alien mothership with a computer virus, thus continuing the time-honored tradition of infections saving the world from aliens. Will Smith tries to take all the credit, but Jeff Goldblum threatens to sic his Jewish father on him.


Complete, fully accessible party archives

Today's hangul word is
procrastination
Use this word to awe your enemies.

Today in the DPRK


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The car has been in the works since February/

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Silksong, TAWOG, Stranger Things 5, and Spaceballs 2 • Russian InvasionGaza WarTrump and Elon's feud.. make up.. no one knows anymore • Animal-related live-action remakes kicking Snow White's ass • Jaws 50th anniversary • Colorado Rockies game replacing Jaws airing • Israel/Iran "peace talks" • Pittsburgh Steelers adding old players way past their prime

Recent deaths: Ariana Grande's NonnaCanadian team's bid to win the Stanley Cup, again • PF4Eva's headphone cable • Jimmy SwaggartDiddy's freedom for only 20 years • Michael MadsenDiogo Jota

Upcoming deaths: DEITom Cruise's career of sprinting on-screenNew York Knicks' future success • Pittsburgh Steelers' locker room • Greta Thunberg? • R. Kelly • Iran's nuclear program • Oil prices • Dumbasses with fireworks in their backyards • Diddy's bank account after incoming lawsuits


Rodong Sinmun, page 2


It is an irreputable fact...

  • ... that the entire world rightfully belongs to Albania?

You cannot deny...[edit source]

  • ... that if Abraham Lincoln was alive today, he would be clawing desperately at the lid of his coffin and screaming for help?


More wisdom

Party members of the month

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Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.


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Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!


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Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.


Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners


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