Today's Party Column
Alternative medicine is a broad term describing those things which differ from actual medicine, which is hopelessly unhip and square. There are many fields of alternative medicine. None of them are quite as healthy as you putting the bong down and getting some fresh air and exercise, but what are the odds of that happening?
An offshoot of acupuncture, inacupuncture differs from its parent discipline in that acupuncturists believe in lines of invisible force called chi which flow throughout the body, whereas inacupuncturists believe in jabbing people with sharp objects. Many people swear by this technique, saying that after people have finished jabbing them, they begin to feel much better. In recent years, some inacupuncturists have experimented with long distance inacupuncture, using high powered needle guns with telescopic sights. The results have been described as "disappointing". (Full article...)
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USS Enterprise (NCC-1701) no bloody A, B, C, or D!
September 16: Talk Like Scotty From Star Trek Day
- 1903 - While investigating the breakdown of a prototype airplane engine, Orville Wright exclaims "Mah bairns! Mah poor bairns..."
- 1912 - When urged by Captain Edward Smith to increase engine power to aviod an iceberg, the head engineer of the RMS Titanic replies, "I've giv'n her all she's got captain, an' I cannah give her no more."
- 1962 - After John F. Kennedy says "I am a doughnut" in German instead of "I am a Berliner", the mayor of West Berlin whispers to him, "Laddy, don't you think you should be rephrasing that?"
- 1970 - While preparing for reentry after their journey back to Earth, Astronaut Jack Swigert informs mission pilot Jim Lovell "The energizer's bypassed like a Christmas tree, so don't give me too many bumps."
- 1972 - After hilltopping and getting into general mayhem in Hazzard county with the General Lee, Uncle Jesse warns the Puke boys that "She won't take much more of this."
- 1988 - Soviet Premier Mikhail Gorbachev defeats President Ronald Reagan in a game of Pac-Man. Tension brews between the two nations as a result.
- 1993 - During the O. J. Simpson trial, Judge Ito declares, "This jury-rigging won't last for long, Captain."
- 2000 - Osama bin Laden tells Saddam Hussein about his plan to hijack planes, to which Hussein responds, "Are ye daft lad?!"
- 2005 - When asked by the United States to return its diplomats to the Six Nation Talks, North Korea's Kim Jong-Il replies, "Diplomats! The best diplomat I know is a fully activated phaser bank."
- 1993 - Nick Jonas, the bane of teenage existence, is born.
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