Today's Party Column
I've tried to avoid writing these types of UnNews stories, as they are serious and not intended to be stuffed with fart jokes, dick jokes, bad puns that would make Mr. Freeze shiver in embarrassment, or basically anything that Webster (or even TV's Webster, Emmanuel Lewis) would define as being "funny." But the events, the insurrection, that transpired on January 6, 2021 went so far beyond... that UnNews had to cover the story. With as few jokes as possible. (Full article...)
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Our glorious history
January 12: Politically Incorrect Bedtime Stories Day
- 1528 - King Gustav I of Sweden, after a Danish armchair of his breaks after only two hours of use, declares that all furniture sold outside of Sweden must be sold unassembled.
- 1907 - A baby Sergei Korolev, Soviet rocket scientist, is found hidden inside a stalk of corn by a poor farmer.
- 1966 - Lyndon B. Johnson declares America must stay in Vietnam till that whole Communism fad blows off.
- 1981 - The NAACP removes the "I have black friends who are okay with it" loophole for people without N-Word privileges, twenty-something white dudes riot.
- 2010 - An earthquake in Haiti kills over 100,000 people, wait, you already forgot about it? That's cold. I don't even think you donated.
- 2015 - Eighty-nine year old comedian Boz "Yellowface" Trillman cancels his long belated comeback after uproar at a joke about the differently abled.
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Today's hangul word is
Use this word to awe your enemies.
Today in the DPRK
Rodong Sinmun, page 2
It is an irreputable fact...
- ... that Michael Jackson should have had more apples to keep his doctor away?
You cannot deny...
- ... that it's been proven beyond reasonable doubt that 50% of modern marriages end in divorce because of arguments inside IKEA stores?
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