User talk:Gerrycheevers/archive4

GEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's... You! Don't you ever leave it so late again before you call. We were so worried. I've had your dad out looking for you, and all the neighbours were checking their yards. Don't you go leaving us like that again. good to see ya man MrN 18:56, Feb 3

ah, it's good to be back, my evil robot chum. i did a review and i did some votes, and i might even get back to writing! perhaps i'll go slow (an unsignpost article, or some edits to VFD survivors) so i don't burn myself out like i always do. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 20:28, 3 February 2009 (UTC)

You don't fool me with this partial archiving buisness.

RAPE!!! ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 20:25 3 February 2009

Mrs J

Could you take another peeky and tell me if I am on my way? Dame GUN PotY WotM 2xPotM 17xVFH VFP Poo PMS •YAP• 02:30, 4 February 2009 (UTC)

i like the changes. i'd like to see another image, but i would vote for this on VFH in its current state. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 20:45, 5 February 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost 5th February 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Wonders What Happened To You. You Used To Be Cool.

February 5, 2009 • Issue 33 • It's Journalism Jim, but not as we know it.

The ‘of the Year’ run down of the year! By Orian57 So after a long neurotic month of blatant prostitution, secret e-mail canvassing, bribery and coercion in deciding who should win the various ‘of the Year’ awards (plus a completely normal five days of knowing who did) the results are in! UotY: Mordillo! Nominated (but not voted for) by UU with the reason “[he does] the big bad wolf stuff to keep fuckwits at bay.”. 21 Jew jokes later (“Jew that controls the internet”, “I feel I have to vote for him” and “I love this man. To the point that his girlfriend is seriously distraught by it”) Mordillo was the landslide victor a whole 12 votes ahead of the runner up, UU! And he deserved it too (though to be frank I deserved it more)! Our WotY was Modusoperandi! Narrowly beating Mhaille by 2 votes he was nominated by UU with the reasoning “…Tends to brighten my day whenever I see him, although that could be the light reflecting off his gleaming naked body.” Another 19 Canadian jokes ( “this silly Canadian”, “I never would have thought that casting a vote would be so painful as this” and “Modus is like maple syrup. On the outside he's all golden, sweet and sticky. On the inside however, he's all golden, sweet and sticky”) won him the award! (though to be frank I would have appreciated it more!) Next up was our winner of PotY, Prettiestpretty! She was nominated (but not voted for) by Mhaille because she is the “producer of some very impressive work” and has won the PotM twice! 18 girl jokes later (“such a foregone conclusion”, “She's earned this and then some” and “Unlike most people here, I'm actually going to give a reason for voting for PP. I'm even going to write two sentences explaining the reason.”) she deservedly won the award which she herself designed. (I don’t even know how to use MS paint but I’d still like to have been acknowledged). There was also an impromptu N00b of the Year award created that Rcmurphy ran off with. He was nominated by Spang with the reason “He really deserves it this time” and received 12 N00b jks (“How can you be a year old and still be a noob without being rcmurphy”, “He's still confused too” and “[Hyperbole is] regularly here and dangerously competent. Rc remains the quintessential n00b”). (*grumble* I started lurking in 2007…) Lastly and leastly there was the UGotY which was awarded to Wikia. Nominated by Mhaille with the reason “Wikia continue to raise the bar on defining what it means to be a Useless Gobshite”. He/she/it got 5 jokes that I don’t properly understand (“As much as I'd like to see Yettie take this, Wikia is both more useless and far more of a gobshite”, “it's rare to see such dedication to gobshitery” and “Outstanding contributions to fail.”). (Ok so I’m not bitter about loosing this.)

Check out these pages! Penis Pants Er, fox? From our logs: 1:33, 2 February 2009 Flyingfeline (Talk | contribs) blocked 81.169.166.86 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Oh, brilliant. Well, that's going to be fun for both of us. I wonder who'll get bored first?) 04:39, 31 January 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 72.138.52.153 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (Hey there! Remember me? I was the admin that asked you to stop failing so hard back in October. Now I'm asking again, but with a ban length 12 times longer.) 18:16, 29 January 2009 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked Sej (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ ("And He saw the work, and He was sore displeased; and He did smite the n00b with all his wrath". Book of Codeine, ch. 6, vs 9) Biopic of the Week YesTimeToEdit Commonly known as Yettie, he won N00b of the Month back in April 08 after writing a featured UnNews. He went on a crusade to gave us all more things not to care about than we can handle. Following another feature he deservedly won UGotM. There has also been some recent confusion about his gender. Cajek ban of the week 04:48, 31 January 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 28 minutes ‎ (Apparently the UnSignpost has a 'Cajek ban of the week' section. This is my week!) Custom box #3 This box is empty. Imagine something nice here like a Caribbean holiday, getting sand in your shoes and arse crack while being blistered by sun you weren't made to handle and pretending to enjoy yourself.

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9001(bot)  03:07, Feb 5

UnSignpost 12th February 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

We're delivering it to your door anyways!

February 12, 2009 • Issue 34 • Mainlining news direct to your talk page artery

Worrying influx of n00bs a threat to Uncyc's "worst" status By UU How can you resist my n00b power of cuteness? After the flow of n00bs slowed to a trickle at the tail end of 2008, 2009 has seen the site experiencing a veritable tidal wave of new editors, enthusiastically bounding around the site like wide-eyed puppies that have yet to meet Olipro, tramping mud into the carpet, and leaving half-eaten IPs on the floor of the Village Dump. Worse still, many of these new arrivals show early signs of being dangerously competent: writing funny articles; giving in-depth pee reviews; voting on stuff; helping folks out - generally making the kind of contributions that could, if the community is not careful, lead to the site losing its coveted "worst" status. Experienced editors queued up to condemn the invasion - "Very happy to see the influx in good new editors coming in, we've been devoid of that extra boost for far too long it seems" said RAHB, the bile seething from his every pore, while MrN spoke scathingly about "great additions to Uncyc". But is it too late? With competition for the NOTM award at its most fierce for months (4 noms and none of them Rcmurphy at the last count), it looks like it may be too late to reject this transfusion of new blood. Is there any hope for the long-term future of the proud traditions of the wiki under this relentless onslaught of new talent? A comment on Bullshit from MrN As a well known protagonist of the noble and honourable art of bullshitting I felt it my place to speak out regarding this most tricky of issues. Much has been said of late regarding the consistency, and texture of what we at Uncyc consider to be suitable for our beloved wiki. As you know, normal traditional (un-specified) crap we don't want, but there must always be room for more bullshit on Uncyclopedia. Some will no doubt consider my last comment to be horse shit, which (as you may know) has a slightly thicker consistency. The dilemma we must then face is how do we categorise and specify the fine (if rather smelly) line between what is crap and what is bullshit. The study of bull-crap may also been of concern to some readers, but I feel it not my place to enter that arena. This article stinks enough as it is. However... When considering bullshit, I feel it important to point out our rigorously defined guidelines regarding the use of bollocks as I feel many of the important principles apply. If I may quote: “Sometimes articles arrive at Articles for deletion which have only the most tenuous connection to reality: they are, to use a British term, Complete Bollocks. This is not always a bad thing.” ~ Uncyclopedia:Complete Bollocks I think that speaks for itself. Got it? So basically, we want more bullshit, some horse shit, and a liberal helping of complete bollocks. But NO CRAP. Unless it's crap which adds to the general stench of the article in question (assuming that stinking is what we want). Got it now? Well, look at it this way... There was a man who had three wives. No, that was Moses. Oh, so Moses comes down from Mount Sinai and says: "Well, lads. I got him down to ten, but adultery is still in." No wait. Sorry, that was complete bollocks. I'm drifting into the realms of pointless excrement, and what does this have to do with anything? Don't tell them that! So what was it I was talking about again? Oh, yea... Does anyone know where I left my slippers?

Check out these pages! Apparently, we had a "golden era" Only the Lonely Oh, it's nothing to do with marriage. I'm disappointed Random suggestion If we weren't on the internets, I'd say this was getting geeky From our logs: 13:25, 9 February 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 67.71.123.168 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (1 day for blanking, 1 week for blanking a featured, 2 weeks for blanking a top 10 and the rest is a bonus!) 02:46, 8 February 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 97.83.236.223 (Talk) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (Fer the love of Christ, you make me think I actually have a life. You've been doing the same God damn thing since the summer. Just fuck off already.) 16:41, 7 February 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Luvvy (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a purrr ‎ (And that's for flirting with another admin. Shame on you.) Biopic of the Week DrStrange is one of these here stellar n00bs that we're wittering on about in that there main article. He's been here for a bit over 2 months, and in that time has won NotM and already been nommed for WotM. At this rate, he'll be WotY by about June. Good job he's funny and good at writing things really, otherwise we'd be obliged to hate his precocious guts. Gender confirmation of the Week YesTimeToEdit astonished the Uncyclopedia community by admitting to being male. Orian57 continued in whale raping Yettie. SysRq consequently "won teh penis", granting him this most prized life-time achievement award. In the ensuing chaos, Sockpuppet of an unregistered user cut off Yettie's penis and went on a raping spree with it. Mnbvcxz still believed that Yettie was a girl and the latter declared his love and desire to be raped towards the former. SoaUU AKA Sockie admitted having a vagina, or did (s)he?... Mnbvcxz refused to give his/her gender... Will Yettie get his penis back? Who is pretending to be male and who is pretending to be female? Tune in next week! Same penis-time. Same penis-channel. Cajek ban smackdown of the week 02:53, 10 February 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a voyage made in less than twelve parsecs ‎ (You want a ban-off, RAHB!? BRING IT!) 00:46, 7 February 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a Kessel run ‎ (I shall not allow TheLedBalloon to dethrone my weekly Cajek-banning title!)

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9001(bot)  20:39, Feb 11

Thankies

Going Down? Necropaxx would like to thank you profusely for reading his article and actually liking it enough to vote For. The picture on the right is exactly what you wouldn't see in an elevator. Sorry. :(

Stay, Gerry, stay here! • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} 17:24, Feb 12

Thanks for voting

And now, a special message from the President *pff...hehe* of the United States My fellow Uncyclopedians, This past vote on VFH has been an emotional one for our wiki. The people have spoken, and I am honorated to accept the privilegitude to servify the Uncyclopedia front page for another eight years. What do you mean, articles are only featured for one day? Thank you for voting. Much love, —Sir SysRq (talk)

I feel I should pay you tribute

You really do deserve the credit for starting all of this hubbub. (Is it hubbub or hubub?) I saw that you signed up for UN:IC, thanks for that too. I greatly appreciate your enthusiasm and your fervor. Cheers! —Sir SysRq (talk) 15:06, 17 February 2009 (UTC)

thanks! and far too little credit has gone to you, sir, as you have actually done the legwork and the work of other limbs. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 18:36, 17 February 2009 (UTC)

Does my penis count as a limb? Because I've done a lot of work with that. —Sir SysRq (talk) 19:41, 17 February 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost 19th February2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Now With 0 Trans Fat!

February 19, 2009 • Issue 35 • Sifting the flour of news into the soufflé of your talk page

Uncyclopedia shuns ads in favor of product placement By Gerrycheevers Uncyclopedia admins today announced that there would most definitely never be advertisements placed in the hallowed halls of yon humor wiki. However, it seems in order to rake in the cash that would have resulted from these ads, similar to raking in the flavor from KFC's new Turkey-Flavored ChickenTM, we will instead be treated to subtle product placement in every facet of Uncyclopedia. The driving force behind this decision is undoubtedly greed. The driving force behind the new Ford ExplorerTM is Jack Bauer. Catch 24 this Sunday on FOX! Jack Bauer drives a Ford! When asked for Uncyclopedia's official political stance on the matter, sysop TheLedBalloon said, "You can't fool me Jimmy Carter! I voted for Gerald Ford in the last election and I'm DAMN PROUD OF IT! You can't intimidate me with your 'pretending to be the newspaper reporter but actually being Jimmy Carter in disguise who will then detain me for several months of waterboarding hell' routine--fool me once, shame on you; fool my twice, shame on me...", which only added more fuel to the fire of speculation surrounding this occurence. For the best value fuel, visit Egan's SunocoTM. The mood in the Uncyclopedia break room was sombre today. Several users expressed their concern about not having ads placed on the wiki. "What? No ads? But how will we make money?" asked Sockpuppet of an unregistered user. It seems the secret of product placement has been kept under wraps by the non-existant Cabal. For the best quality cling-wrap, choose Crestfield Wax PaperTM. When asked for the reason behind the secrecy, TheLedBalloon further elaborated on his earlier statement, saying, "FORD WAS RIGHT TO PARDON NIXON, DAMMIT! So take your goddamn liberal hippy goddamn elitist goddamn tax-raisings somewhere else!" Readers are reminded that Williams BrandTM is the preferred brand of hippy elitist tax-raisings by a 2-to-1 margin. Please stay tuned to the UnSignpost for further updates on the ad situation, the product placement situation, and how really, really terrible all of our articles are going to look with trademark tags mucking up the line spacing. Sonic Fever Hits Uncyclopedia By Joe9320 For the first time in 18 years - in fact, since the first Sonic game came to the USA in 1991 - Sonic Fever has again spread far and wide, and the age of Sonic is back! (Among several users on Uncyclopedia, at least). The first Golden Age of Sonic ran from 1993-1998. By 2001, Sonic was way past his prime, grumbling about how he "used to be a contender" and trying to hock his large collection of gold rings and emeralds for beer money. People no longer cared about Sonic. Then in 2008, a surge in Sonic Mania started again, but this time on the internet! It reached Uncyclopedia in 2009. Uncyclopedia Experts have determined that the mania will be short lived, and be replaced by Mario Fever, and then a resurgence in Pokémon Fever all within the next 3 years. Meanwhile, Twilight mania among teenage girls will continue to outstrip it. Enzo Aquarius declined to comment, for he was too busy for an interview. The UnSignpost imagines he'd probably have said something about Rouge The Bat being "hawt".

Check out these pages! Suffering voting withdrawal? This'll keep you happy for ages! So, do we collaborate... ...Or colonize? Decisions, decisions From our logs: 21:29, 15 February 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Thebigj2 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (1. blanker. 2. I live 10 minutes from Anna Frank's house, ergo - you're trashing my neighbourhood) 17:55, 15 February 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked Flyingwombatperson (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (If Britain no longer exists, why can I still buy British Breakfast tea? HUH? ANSWER ME THAT, SMART GUY! (also don't blank pages, please)) 13:21, 13 February 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Gettgett (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Do I know you? No. Do I know your butt ugly friends? No. Do I CARE about you and your friends? NO. Do I think you are all bored and butt ugly. YES. Get the point? Get some good looking friends) Biopic of the Week What do you look for in an amphibian? Long hind legs, a short body, webbed digits (fingers or toes), protruding eyes and the absence of a tail? Or a large banstick, supercool admin powers, awesome writing skills, gratuitous profanity and minor homicidal tendencies? If you chose the first option, you need a regular frog. If you chose the second, you need TKF. (Just don't call him TFK). If you chose the third option, you aren't playing properly. The continuing saga of Cajek block of the week 15:09, Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours (Can you believe I haven't blocked you yet in 2009? Yeah, I know!) 07:40, Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 6 hours (Thou shalt not be Cajek, though I suppose thou must, so I shall cut thou some slack) 17:50, 15 February 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 11 minutes ‎ ([edit/QuickEdit] Cajek (Talk • Contribs (del) • Editcount • BLOCK (rem-lst-all) • Logs • Groups • Checkuser) -- how Cajek on VFS looks to the sysops) 21:30, 11 February 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1000 seconds ‎ (Right you two - sod off, the chap had enough!) 21:06, 11 February 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 672 seconds ‎ (Oh that just fuckin' tears it Led. You hear me?! That fucking TEARS it! It's ON!)

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9001(bot)  18:00, Feb 19

Next USP

Hi Gerry, just to check: are you gonna take the story about Sys revamping colonization? Seems like your kind of thing, and I'm sure Sys will be handy with the quotes! I'll handle the flannel on the right, unless you have any good ideas, and I was gonna ask Orian to scrawl something about the latest VFS, seeing as I'm none-too-keen to write something on my own opping. Sound like a plan? Or do you have far better suggestions? --UU - natter 11:20, Feb 23

sounds like a plan indeed, my sewer-dwelling chum. i'll get on it today. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 13:18, 23 February 2009 (UTC)

I'd really appreciate it if you used that first sentence I wrote though. -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 20:39, 25 February 2009 (UTC)

Or something similar to it. -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 22:09, 25 February 2009 (UTC)

which one would that be? would you rather just give a general comment about colonization? you were just quoted in the last issue...got a taste of the spotlight, didn't ya? also, while you're here, would you please sign my userpage, i'm a huge fan!!!! SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 22:25, 25 February 2009 (UTC)

"It has been tried again and again, but after many failures someone has finally proven successful in reviving Imperial Colonization. Even more so, SysRq not only succeeded in reviving Imperial Colonization, he completely reinvented it. I'm really impressed with what he has accomplished so far." -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 00:02, 26 February 2009 (UTC)

Also, where should I sign your userpage? -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 00:04, 26 February 2009 (UTC)

well, we finished this dialogue too late for this edition. oh well. you're on my list of users who are willing to comment on future stories though. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 15:04, 26 February 2009 (UTC)

Oh well, next time then. -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 15:26, 26 February 2009 (UTC)

Unless we make use of the secret art of retroscripting... -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 16:17, 26 February 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost 26th February 09

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Sucking Journalism's Fat Wang. Badly.

February 26, 2009 • Issue 36 • Picking the poppy seeds of truth from the teeth of the news

Imperial Coloni(s|z)ation For Glorification of Motherwiki By Gerrycheevers Imperial Colonization made yet another triumphant return this week, after several months of languishing, inactivity, and Richard Nixon. Upon a general query from an annoying masked UnSignpost writer, another anonymous user stepped up and took control. That anonymous user is SysRq. Forums were created, ideas were exchanged, and the Cajek search party was sent out again. Only the last one was in vain, as an all-new Colonisation page was rolled out last week. Uncyclopedians wasted no time in signing up and nominating their first target: the utter garbage pile that was Al Gore. Previously containing banal tripe such as Manbearpig references, internet invention claims, lockbox bollocks, and other assorted drivel, the article is now, according to an official Colonization spokesman, "well on its way to not sucking." Future Colonisations have been lined up as well, leading this reporter to believe that this time around, Colonization is here to stay, even moreso that Manforman or the Poison Pee template. It looks as if the article on Jews is next on the Colonisation docket, since all articles relating to that topic are "utter bilge, consumed with hateful pointlessness and also secretly controlled by Jews." British Infiltration of Non-Existent Cabal Continues at VFS by UU Talking of organisations secretly controlled by Jews, the non-existent Uncyclopedia Cabal was expanded ahead of schedule to the tune of two brand new British admins at the weekend. The early opping was due to two factors, firstly, an unprecedented landslide, with two candidates polling so many votes that the final round was rendered an irrelevance, and secondly, new 'crat Mordillo being impatient to use his whizzy new powers to op the new admins before Codeine or Mhaille beat him to it. The most votes were polled by MrN9000, and your USP can't think of a more deserving recipient of a shiny new banstick. He's already thrown himself into his new role with gusto, banning, deleting, featuring and the like with gusto, and proudly declaring "I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing", thus showing he has as much grasp of the role already as any other admin. The numbers were made up by fellow limey Under user, who has been keen to get started using his whizzy new powers, but has been limited to mainly joke bans so far by MrN's astounding competence and annoying habit of doing all the work. UU was unavailable for comment (which is odd, seeing as he's writing this), but his wife had this to say: "you bastards! Do you have any idea what you've done? I'll be lucky to see him for more than about half an hour a week now!" She wasn't joking.

Check out these pages! Is this something to do with us being the worst? I want candy No pain, no gain From our logs new admins bumper special: 05:09, 24 February 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 142.207.115.132 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Blocking you for a day because I feel like it (and also because you blanked California)) 19:44, 21 February 2009 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a slightly torn pair of pants ‎ (Happy adminship, fucker <3) 16:40, 21 February 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a brand new pair of admin pants ‎ (let's see, who to ban first... Cajek? Too obvious. Mordillo? See last comment. MrN? Yeah! Oh, and about damn time you got this - how come they gave it to me too?) 10:58, 21 February 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) resurrected Mordillo (Talk | contribs) ‎ (his first ban is the crat who gave him powers. my sort of chap) 10:54, 21 February 2009 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked Mordillo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (Rogue Admin) 10:15, 21 February 2009 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 124.184.94.78 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Ne habla gibberish) Biopic of the Week Sockpuppetry is normally frowned on here at Uncyclopedia, with bans routinely handed out to those who transgress. There are no exceptions. The exception, of course, is Sockpuppet of an unregistered user, a sock who seems to have its head sewn on the right way, or at least drawn on with permanent marker in the right way. He makes his presence felt by fighting vandalism wherever it rears its ugly head, and generally making himself helpful around the wiki. A helpful sockpuppet? Got to be one of the signs of an impending apocalypse! Explanation of the week This week, there will be no Cajek ban of the week. This is because Manticore decided to ban him in the hope of making it into your UnSignpost, and we're not gonna give that big ol' whore the satisfaction. You hear me, Manty? YOU'RE NEVER GETTING IN THIS... Oh shit.

Judges Wanted! The next PLS is impending, and the are still judging slots unfilled. Hv is looking for users who are opinionated, who think that those opinions matter, and who want to give the benefit of those opinions to many in the form of passing judgement on articles. Enjoy the temporary sensation of power! Impress your friends! Alienate those whose articles you don't favour! Sign up now! UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

9001(bot)  11:16, Feb 26

A Template of Thanks

FROM THE DESK OF GUILDENSTERNENSTEIN

Thank you for supporting my recently featured article

Your support is greatly appreciated.

~ Guildensternenstein

---

ANYTIME

Anytime. Also, remember the RotM award (check the discussion for it)--Smokin' Cheddar BBQ: The King of the Triangular Snackfoods 22:46, 3 March 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost 5th March 09

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Smiting the nail of news with the plastic hammer of truth

March 5, 2009 • Issue 37 • The News, Smelted to 93% Purity!

New parser causes havoc by requiring Uncyclopedians to get things right by UU The latest Mediawiki update imposed on Uncyclopedia by its despotic overlords, Wikia, has had a catastrophic effect. The new parser, described by UnSignpost technical expert Gerrycheevers as "little gnomes in your browser that run between HTML tags to produce the proper effect in between" has thrown the formatting of quite literally some Uncyclopedia pages completely out of kilter. Resident tame Wikia staffer Sannse tried to explain: "bad HTML is the most likely cause of errors. But there are some other changes that might cause errors. For example, the way that some complex parser tags work has changed. The best thing to do is to look for HTML problems first (not forgetting that the errors are often in templates used on the page). Then, if you can't find it, hassle anyone you know who knows HTML and wikimarkup better than you (nah, not going to link some poor guy). Then, if you can't find it, hassle me to find help (Uberfuzzy is on standby to assist where needed). Again I'd suggest that the template author should be the person who knows how to make it work!" Most Uncyclopedians had already gone cross-eyed by this point, but she gamely continued: "Don't forget that you can use Special:ParserDiffTest as a help in finding exactly what's different on a page. A lot of the changes don't mean anything. For example, on this page the only differences are to class and section titles. But this one shows problems with center and div tags (the last two green sections on the div)". Your USP offers the following, less confusing advice: if you open any kind of tag in html like <this>, you have to close it again, like </this> before the end of your page. And if you open more then one tag, be sure to close them in the right order <like><this></this></like>. Then shit should not get fucked up. The gnomes were unavailable for comment. February '... of the Month' Awards Hoedown by Gerrycheevers Well, February is over, and that means it's time to look back at the shortest month of the year and make fun of people who won awards during that month, for they have only won 90.32% as much recognition as those who won the award during a robust 31-day month. Let's get started with... DrStrange, our newest Writer of the Month, fresh off his NotM victory in December, is a welcome addition to our close, close family of editors who have never had any physical contact with each other. Since joining, the good doctor has written several featured articles, and is well on his way to another. He has enjoyed perhaps the quickest transition ever from NotM to WotM, but don't expect us to go looking things up to confirm that. February's Uncyclopedian of the Month was our lovable Wikia dictator, Sannse. Donning her staff hat and Wikia mystic power staff, Sannse always manages to be polite and cheery, even when sending vandal IPs to their doom, tacking notices to the corkboard in the Uncyc break room that incite site-wide user rebellion, and crushing the earlier mentioned site-wide user rebellions. Our N00b of the Month was a chap by the name of Guildensternenstein, which we have come to believe is some sort of undead monster from a Shakespeare play. His impressive work in his short time here, along with his other helpful contributions such as dropping by Pee Review and Imperial Colonisation from time to time, should quiet up those doomsayers who say "we don't have any good n00bs anymore" for quite some time.

Check out these pages! Masturbating Monkey Hang on, someone really tried it? {{username}} strikes again again From our logs: 09:02, 5 March 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 70.160.35.16 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (thanks for your thoughtful and insightful additions, and your considerate removing of content, you win a free day off! (don't blank)) 13:36, 3 March 2009 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked Mordillo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a torah, two bagels and a large blue yamulke ‎ (Unblocked too early. I suspect a Jewish conspiracy!) 19:28, 2 March 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked MTTB (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (possibly one day people will start reading messages I leave for them on the talk page. YOU. DO. NOT. REVERT. ME. WITHOUT. TALKING. WITH. ME.) 06:44, 2 March 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 67.225.120.225 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (And I'm going to rape you if you don't shut up. *takes his first ever swig of Jack Daniels, throws up*) Biopic of the Week Optimuschris ~ "Having been around for a while now, Opty deserves some recognition," said the newest UnSignpost intern, pictured at the right. He went on in his monotonous, metallic voice: "He has a featured article and another in the works. He contributes to bettering the site via Pee Review and Imperial Colonization." We were going to agree with the robot-ish fellow, but when we turned back, he was gone. But there was a refrigerator there we hadn't noticed before... Old-School Featured Article of the Week The Keep Your Finger In The Box Game has been a smash hit among the rainy-day crowd since its introduction to America in 1954. Despite the title of the game, the object is to not take your finger out of the box before your opponent does. The article contains a rich history of the game, as well as a detailed strategy list involving cats, seduction, and urine-filled projectiles. Cajek ban of the week None. Seriously, it hasn't happened. Not banning Cajek is the new banning Cajek. New poopsmith of the week RabbiTechno has taken up his new position as co-processor of shit on the wiki alongside some scrote whose name escapes us briefly - perhaps because he hinted he wanted a story about himself in this edition. The good Rabbi has so far been diligently watching his sidekick do all the donkey work, while conducting the far harder task of making sure it has all been done properly. He exclusively didn't tell the Signpost: "yup, looks good enough to me".

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9001(bot)  13:47, Mar 6

Damn it!

What an obvious error. All I can say in my defence is that I'm prematurely senile and have squirrels nesting in my head. Thanks for spotting and sorting that, btw. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 17:35, 6 March 2009 (UTC)

haha, no problem, i've copied the title of a talkpage accidentally loads of times. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 17:51, 6 March 2009 (UTC)

The really worrying thing is - I don't know if I ever have. I might have done it millions of times...Oh well, too late now, so bugger it. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 17:54, 6 March 2009 (UTC)

Thanks

Achtung! Your support for the Nazi party has been documented. Danke shein. That vill be all.

OptyC Sucks! CUN17:58, 7 Mar

Double thanks!

I Told Her Thanks For Voting To Feature Private Eye But she looked at me like I was wearing orange in the St Patrick's Day parade. I wasn't sure if that was fog behind me or if my favorite place for take-out Chinese food had just went up in flames but I knew that I'd better make this quick either way. "You were great, kid" I told her but her facial expression never changed. She kicked off her heels and put on a pair of roller skates but she looked about as comfortable in them as a woodpecker in the petrified forest. She took one last drag off her cigarette, blew the smoke in my face, flicked the butt at my feet and rolled away into the night - leaving me standing there like a wide screen TV on layaway. I took another sniff of the air and now I was sure, Chang's Wok Inn was definitely on fire and it looked like it was going to be another night of hamburger helper and "Juggs" magazine..............................

Thanks for the vote on this and your support on that rewrite as well. The old ego really appreciates it!--    11:39, 8 March 2009 (UTC)

PING!

Hi, just wanted to remind you that our current Colonization, Jew, is still going. While things may be looking a bit slow right now, all it takes are a few good Colonizers to breathe some life into it again. Sure, it's going to take some work, but that's what IC is all about! Come on down and give us a hand, won't you?

Much love,
—Sir SysRq (talk) 23:16, 8 March 2009 (UTC)

Today is a special day!

It may have started as a little turd, but you helped make it into an award winning pile! ~Formerly Annoying Crap 08:40, 11 March 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost 12th March 09

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper that won't leave you the same way they did!

March 10th, 2009 • Issue 38 • Mucking up your talk page, one issue at a time

CONSPIRACY!!! By Gerrycheevers WE ARE DOOMED! Head for the hills, Uncyclopedia users, there's nothing that can save us now! As of this morning, we NO LONGER EXIST!!! Now, if you are reading this, you may be thinking to yourself, "why, that Gerry fellow is quite mad. Since I am reading the UnSignpost now, then both I and Uncyclopedia must still exist." To this i say to you: THAT'S WHAT THEY WANT YOU TO THINK. Furthermore, it is also WHAT THEY WANT YOU TO THINK THEY THINK YOU THINK. Reactions were mixed today at the wiki. Some theorized that uncyclopedia.wikia.com was, in fact, sinking. In response to this, the women (all 3 of them) and children were loaded onto lifeboats and fired out of the lifeboat-cannon, in hopes that they would land far away enough from the landlocked Uncyc as to find a body of water. Other preparations included the Cajek string quartet playing rousing versions of traditional ship-sinking music. While it might seem rash for an official non-cabal-run periodical to endorse panic, the UnSignpost urges all Uncyclopedia users to abandon all reason and logic in an attempt to save themselves. The best course of action is most likely the one that involves the maximum amount of screaming, arm-flailing, and general insanity. The Uncyclopedia Store is likely to be looted quickly, so be sure to stop by early to maximize you chances at getting the best stuff. Count to a Million: Update By Gerrycheevers Uncyclopedians have continued their brave foray into the dangerous world of numbers, today reaching the long-awaited benchmark of 3,239. The constitutes nearly 1/300th of the total goal, meaning we are 0.32% of the way there! Users were overjoyed, confused, and generally apathetic about the achievement. Since its inception on February 20th, 2008, many different counters, or 'c-ters' as they refer to themselves, have contributed to the project. The content of the countup has varied greatly, from battleships to cartoon characters to road signs, and yet never deviating very far away from pornography. At any rate, it seems Uncyclopedia admin and Chair of the Committee to Investigate and Eliminate Needless Committees Spang's experiment to destroy the internet has not succeeded...yet. The project has advanced at a rate of 8.39 numbers per day, a respectable clip considering the enormous effort involved in adding the next number in the sequence. At this brisk clip, the project will reach completion at 18:45 UT on June 24, 2334. Until that day, Uncyclopedians can only hope, dream, and continue in the increasingly difficult task of adding one to a moderately large number.

Check out these pages! Silliness Pointlessness Eyerapeness From our logs: 23:47, 9 March 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 72.23.110.230 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Blanking 'please don't delete this page'--my favorite part about that idea was how original it was.) 04:39, 10 March 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked CS SHITTY (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (HOLY SHIT WHERE ARE YOU MONGOLOIDS COMING FROM?!?!?!?!?!!?!) 16:08, 10 March 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 168.170.199.120 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ ("He who shall be an idiot shall be striked down with furious anger". Book of Mordillo, chapter one verse 3) 10:52, 11 March 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 24.89.227.16 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (we apologise for taking so long to ban you, but we get there in the end. also, I think you'll find it is you who loves the cock.) Biopic of the Week Guildensternenstein ~ With one of the hardest usernames to spell correctly (and not one that's hard but fun, like some users), Guildie has splashed upon the Uncyc scene with a gusto. Displaying a knack for writing humor (the main prerequisite to be considered "ballin'" by fellow Uncyclopedians), he also takes part in the current trends of Pee Review and Imperial Colonization, making him popular and, thus, cooler than you. Old-School Featured Article of the Week This is it. The big one. The greatest article in Uncyclopedia history...Bears. Yes, these foraging lunatics are masters of cryogenics, and will stop at nothing in their quests for honey, human flesh, and pic-a-nic baskets. Cajek ban of the week 15:14, 6 March 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 24 seconds ‎ (I am very troubled by the fact you were not banned in a while. Has the community given up on you???)

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9001(bot)  21:30, Mar 13

In Gratitude

 In gratitude for your vote  

  The GlobalTourniquet says "Thanks!"  

Understandably, you voted for my article for featuring. Although your "for" vote was not extraordinary, as the article's genius was beyond question, it is still appropriate to acknowledge your dutiful participation in the process.

So, in gratitude for your vote, I will dedicate my next sexual act to your honor. Thank you.

The following sexual acts are available for this honor. Please indicate below this template which one you would like me to dedicate to your user name.

Self-gratification Spousal coitus Purchased sex Casual encounter

NOTE: Only under limited circumstances will this act actually involve you.

Delivery bot strike

Just a warning in case you do what I don't seem able to right now - find time to write this week's issue. MrN9001 is apparently not doing as he's told right now. MrN reckons there may be a chance of getting Mnbvcxz's bot to deliver it though.

Actually, thinking about things - you seem to pick up the USP slack when I am unavailable, and vice-versa. You won NotM the same month I started editing this thing. You seem to go missing when I am most active, and then come back and go on edit rampages while I'm away. We have the same number of featured articles. The coincidences just mount up... I'm working on two theories right now, one which states you are a Tyler Durden to my, er, Ed Norton, and the other which states that I am actually just an incredibly elaborate sockpuppet of yours. Which do you reckon it is? --UU - natter 13:39, Mar 19

well, my userpage tells me that i am a bot operated by said MrN, so that would render you a sockpuppet of a bot (a botpuppet, if you will), but you seem to be slightly too useful to be categorized as such. one theory of mine is that the various climates (weather, political, economic, sports, threat of vampire attack) in boston and merry olde england are complements, so when one of us is hunkered down and forgetting uncyc, the other one is hunkered down on uncyc trying to escape life.

i should be able to finish up this week's signpost at some point today, although if none of our bot-buddies are available i don't think i'll be able to do a manual-deliver, although that is also a possibility, a it's rather dreary in boston and it seems like a nice day for mindless, repetitive tasks. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 15:18, 19 March 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost 19th March

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Gets Its News Solely From Vandalism Johnny Is Teh FAGXORZ!!111 SHUT UP DOUCHEBAG!!11

March 19th, 2009 • Issue 39 • Committed to both Bringing You The News and The Happywood Insane Asylum

Forum topic created; Modusoperandi posts witty response By Gerrycheevers At a certain point this week, a relatively green uncyclopedian posed a rather ill-advised question on one of the Forums quaintly known to patrons of this silly wiki as the 'Village Dump'. A few seconds after the aforementioned certain point this week, resident cheek-tonguer Modusoperandi responded by intentionally misinterpreting the meaning of the question, twisting the querist's words, taking advantage of some sort of delicious pun, or otherwise causing mischief in the usually serious, informative Forum. Reactions were, as usual, mixed in the community. Several anonymous users were outraged at the lack of tact and formality displayed by the wily Modus. "Uncyclopedia is serious business," said one pitchfork-wielding mob participant. "We would descend into total anarchy if it weren't for the court system, the press, the boron smelting plant, and the sanctity of our information distribution system." Other users seemed to support the flashing of rapier wit, claiming "if we can't laugh a little, then what's the point? Without humor, we'd end up in hell like all those poor souls who lived before Jesus invented comedy in 23 A.D." Modusoperandi himself declined to comment on the situation, only offering this brief reply to a query seeking a comment: "She told me that she was eighteen. She also told me that she human and was not, in fact, a bonobo. If you have any other questions, please direct them to my law firm; Alan, Whitcomb, Silverstein & Bonobo." It seems the elusive Mr. Operandi is free to continue in his forum havoc-wreaking, as nobody has stepped up to officially denounce his actions. All bonobos involved were unavailable for comment. UnSignpost Editors Under Fire for Bonuses By Gerrycheevers This week the Uncyclopedia community was outraged to learn that the UnSignpost, which recently received a Wikia bailout, will be giving hefty bonuses to the very dunderheads responsible for driving the periodical into the ground in the first place. The extremely active Uncyclopedia Senate has vowed that action will be taken against the editors set to receive the lucrative bonuses. It may be possible that they will be blocked from editing or even exiled to another wiki. Uncyclopedians were, for the most part, outraged. Popular user Mnbvcxz had an unrelated statement quote-mined by an UnSignpost journalist to produce the following comment:"I[...]is[...]finished," a possible indication that he will leave the site in protest of the bonuses. The founders of the newspaper refused comment, as they want nothing to do with it anymore, and true to that mission this reporter was chased off the the grounds of the Cajek mansion by bunnies wearing bee costumes. The current editors were hounded, with Under user having this to say: "I don't think there have been any "comically large" bonuses paid out. There have simply been adequate contractual remunerations allocated to key staff to reward their loyalty and unstinting efforts. Every penny of these almost insignificant amounts is richly deserved. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to buy a large yacht and fill a swimming pool with cash to float it on." Gerrycheevers was absolutely unavailable at press time.

Check out these pages! Windows sucks The ratings system sucks You suck From our logs: 11:00, 15 March 2009 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked Slicktorine (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (Cyberbullying: We just don't care about you or your friends. Sorry. I suggest you ask him for a date. He's probably a really nice guy.) 11:10, 17 March 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 69.124.60.187 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Here is a sharp pointy thingy up your ass. My finger. Don't worry, I washed it) 11:43, 18 March 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) moved Jon snow to Jon Snow ‎ (capital punishment) 11:39, 19 March 2009 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked MrN9001 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (insubordination) Biopic of the Week Savethemooses is one of the legends of Uncyc lore. Once the king of the featured article hill, his recent inactivity has allowed him to slip to seventh, despite having twenty-five features, which is more than you ever will. In fact, the only way you will ever come close to experiencing the glory that was STM's being is to go nominate several of his articles on VFH right now. Like, right now. Old-School Featured Article of the Week Pixellated Face Disease is a rare condition in which a person's face, caught on camera, will become blurred, or 'pixellated'. There is no known cure for the disease, and there are several associated conditions, such as Blurred Registration Plateism and Black Strip syndrome, the latter only affecting the eye region. Cajek Ban Joke of the Week In this week's uproariously funny UnSignpost issue, the second story misdirection-links the phrase "blocked from editing" to Cajek's userpage. Retraction of the Week The current editors of the UnSignpost have recently become aware of startling differences between the current Signposts and editions from early in the newspaper's history. We would therefore like to retract the following issues: #1, #3, #6-13, and #16.

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MnbvcxzBot 05:10, 20 March 2009 (UTC)

Just to let you know...

Uncyclopedia:UnSignpost/19-03-09 was a dam fine UnSignpost. I really enjoyed that one. :) MrN 15:15, Mar 20

So did I, actually. Just thought I'd mention it. --UU - natter 15:28, Mar 20

Me too! —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 15:29, 20 March 2009 (UTC)

thanks, adoring fans! i actually had started the lead article a while ago for another signpost that i never finished, and totally made the rest up. but i guess that formula works! SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 15:38, 20 March 2009 (UTC)

Jew question.

In the Rabbi dialogue sections, should it be "audience" or "Congragation" or another more Jewish term I'm not familiar with? -OptyC Sucks! CUN17:54, 20 Mar

hm, good point. mordillo was the one who started it, and i just continued on what was there, but i'm fairly sure he's jewish so let's go with 'congregation'. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 19:04, 20 March 2009 (UTC)

Actuallly I'm the one that changed it to congregation, but I only did because I didn't think audience sounded apropriate. -OptyC Sucks! CUN19:07, 20 Mar

okay, i'll leave a message for the 'dillo and see what he thinks, as he would probably know best. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 19:12, 20 March 2009 (UTC)

I gave the end sections a reworking, would you mind going over it one last time and giving it a bit of spit polish? Thankees. -OptyC Sucks! CUN17:08, 21 Mar

Hmm..

Interesting edit. You will get the consperisory theorists talking you know! MrN 14:40, Mar 21

Are you Cajek? —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 15:27, 21 March 2009 (UTC)

i am not cajek, i have merely assumed the title of cajek. see here. also, i could not possibly be cajek, as i am also under user (see here) and it would be very crowded with three of us sharing the same person. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 13:45, 23 March 2009 (UTC)

THANKS!

Very helpful review, just what I needed. Thanks alot for your helpful criticism. ~SirTagstit • VFH • NotM • PEEING • CPT • RotM • BFF 00:06, 24 March 2009 (UTC)

my pleasure, good sir. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 18:24, 24 March 2009 (UTC)

He shoots, he scores!

Great review, thanks. It was very helpful. I think I'll give it a rework and move into main and see what happens.

Oh, actually, that header doesn't work for a goaltender, does it. Sorry. How about, "What a save!" Is that better? --Globaltourniquet - (was TPLN) 18:48, 24 March 2009 (UTC)

no problem. i forgot to tell you it was ready for the mainspace - it was far more polished than one usually sees in userspace articles. good luck! SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 19:41, 24 March 2009 (UTC)

PLS judging

I'm sending you this because you are signed up to judge the Poo Lit Surprise. If you no longer want to judge or are incapable of doing so, please tell me as soon as possible. If you're still good to go, here are the instructions:

First, read all of the articles in your specified category. Second, judge them. Judge how you like, as long as it's at least fair and based on merit (one suggestion would be to use the Pee Review format). Post your top 5 articles here. Hit me up on my talk page for questions, comments, if these rules are not cognisant within you, or of you don't know what the word "cognisant" means.

Thank you again for your valued participation in the balletic train wreck that is the Poo Lit Surprise! –—Hv (talk) 24/03 20:33

i'll get on it soon. it's an honor. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 20:58, 24 March 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost 26th March 09

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Only Newspaper That Is Not Controlled By The Cabal Who Are You What Are You Doi- AAAAHHHHH

March 26th, 2009 • Issue 40• Spooning the Soggy Vegetables of Truth from the Luke-warm Soup of the News

MrN's banstick stuck in "on" position By UU Popular admin, underwear enthusiast and raconteur MrN9000 has gone on a ban-rampage unprecedented in the recent history of the wiki. Seemingly keen to win his first bastard admin award, the conscientious custodian has already banned more people this month than all the other admins combined. The other admins rallied bravely, with even Spang being seen to ban someone (only his third of the year) as they tried to show they were not now completely surplus to requirements. However, even as this story was typed, MrN banned another 3 vandals, rendering their efforts ultimately futile. Speculation that he is trying to ban more people on an individual basis than Hinoa managed in one go when he banned the whole of Italy cannot be confirmed or denied at the time of going to press. When asked about his phenomenal spree, MrN said "What do all these buttons with "Ban" written on them do? I keep pushing them, but nothing appears to happen". Banning legend Mordillo, when asked for a comment on MrN's ban excesses, said "I believe the man is a menace, and danger to society. I believe he should be castrated, quartered, hanged, torched and his ashes should be scattered over France. I believe he should burn in hell for all eternity. What? Do I feel pity about all those who he banned? Fuck no, I didn't have anyone to ban because of the bastard!" Uncyclopedia now famous By Gerrycheevers In a totally unexpected development, Uncyclopedia has officially earned the worldwide recognition it has longed for since its inception. On the website digg.com, all internet content is sorted and ranked by coolness, similar to the process found in many middle schools. It seems Uncyc's page on spam has reached sufficient 'cool' status as to cause the rest of the site to become invited to the "cool kid's lunch table", along with theonion.com and cracked.com. Reactions were unusually mixed today in the Uncyclopedia break room. When asked what it's like to suddenly be cool, Optimuschris said, "shit, I'll let you know when I find out." Another user, DrStrange, was asked for a comment, and promptly responded "comment duly delivered!" Clearly, popularity has already gone to Uncyclopedians' heads, as such chippy responses are rarely seen. Uncyclopedians have become too cool for school. When asked for comment regarding adding a sentence to the end of this article to extend its length and make this week's UnSignpost look pretty, Gerrycheevers said, "bugger off."

Check out these pages! April fool? 24,000 articles and counting A welcome new feature? From our logs: 14:22, 26 March 2009 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked 92.43.66.7 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (Cyberbullying: UN:FAIL another victim of the Gay trap. Yep, this means that you are probably homosexual. Seriously, one day you will realise this yourself.) 01:24, 24 March 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked Q.V. (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (FINE!!!!! I'LL SUCK YOUR COCK!!!! GOD, I JUST LOVE THE SEMEN OF A RACIST!!!!!!) 23:28, 20 March 2009 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked Barton sucks (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 days ‎ (Whilst Barton does indeed suck, you're barely literate and tragically unfunny. Read HTBFANJS and try again later.) Biopic of the Week Continuing our series of biopics on Uncyc legends, Hardwick Fundlebuggy won Writer of the Month back in 2006, at a time when you were lucky to have an article survive VFD. His awesome writing style resulted in him being named Writer of the Year, of which there are only four so far. It's just unfortunate he had to go to jail... Old-School Featured Article of the Week Snopes is a website dealing with the delicious diversion that is rumor. Whenever you overhear there is a computer virus set to attack, whenever you hear that your favorite horse is actually a zebra, whenever you are told your girlfriend is a lesbian...Snopes will be there to tell you the truth...mostly. Old-School Cajek Ban of the Week 23:10, 5 April 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 67 seconds ‎ (That'll teach YOU to get a false sense of security!)

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9001(bot)  01:34, Mar 28

Just saying thanks

For the excellent review, you know the one. Really helps, ta. Also, thanks for the prompt PLS judging. If everyone was as quick as you, I won't be having a nervous breakdown Sunday night waiting for them! –—Hv (talk) 31/03 21:23

no problem on the review. i wouldn't call my judging prompt exactly, but it was an honor! SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 12:17, 1 April 2009 (UTC)

The Ark

Thanks for the good input Gerry, I'd been having problems getting enough good advice with that particular one. I honestly thought it was the material more than anything else. I'll definitely be going back and rewriting with your review in hand. Thanks again!--    18:17, 1 April 2009 (UTC)

my pleasure sir, i rather enjoyed it, and i look forward to an improved version! SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 18:32, 1 April 2009 (UTC)

March Foolitzer Prize

A VALUABLE COLLECTOR'S ITEM

which is sure to be worth a very great deal of money in the near future.
An original recording of an interview between UNNEWS and
PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA
in which he reveals the truth about aliens.
Unfortunately, it's on Betamax so you can't watch it.
Many thanks for voting for me in last month's Foolitzer Prize.
Rabbi Techno

---

UnSignpost 2nd April 09

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper With Love In Every Paragraph!

April 5th, 2009 • Issue 41 • In the fashion of Illogicopedia, the only Newspaper that will analyse a queen bee!

EVIL WIKIA DICTATORS SHUT DOWN UNCYCLOPEDIA By Gerrycheevers Due to high operational costs and "the community being a bunch of gits", the nefarious Uncyclopedia overlords at Wikia shut down the comedy wiki yesterday. This resulted in much confusion, outrage, and blundering about in the dark. When asked to comment about the situation, Orian57 said, "No, because you'll actually put what I say into the paper, and last time you made me look really stupid. Although it is a tad inconvenient. And what do you mean 'Cabal'?" It should be noted that Orian is both exceedingly intelligent and unbearably attractive, and there most certainly is not a cabal of any kind. Other users seemed to have been expecting this for some time. Necropaxx had this to say: "Honestly, I'm surprised it took this long for Wikia to do this. We Uncyclopedians have been total jerks for far too long. I suggest we all go to Wikia and give Jimbo Wales a nice big "We're sorry" and hope he's feeling generous." This editor took this advice to mean that we should vandalize Wikipedia furiously, and redirected their page on Karma to Coincidence. At press time, Uncyclopedia still did not exist, and many in the community expressed doubt that the Wikia Council would ever reinstate the site. With the recent drama over the domain change, and the promise of ads descending swiftly into every corner and crevasse of our wiki, we seem to be simply too much trouble to be bothered with. This reporter considers it to be good while it lasted, and offeres up a toast to the good old days of Uncyclopedia. Image of Dog Holding Paper, not used in UnSignpost for over Nine Months, Makes Glorious Return to UnSignpost By Gerrycheevers This reporter is proud to say that, after being absent from the UnSignpost for over nine months, our lovable mascot "DogNewspaper" has returned to grace this periodical once again. DogNewspaper made his debut in the second issue of the UnSignpost, which covered such stories as 'UnSignpost created' and 'Uncyclopedia is the worst'. After bringing you the second story in issues 2 through 5, DogNewspaper was promoted to "top dog", and accompanied the lead story for four issues in June 2008. DogNewspaper took an extended hiatus after Issue 9 to "see the world" and, more urgently, "sniff the world". After many exciting adventures, our mascot is back to stay, and will likely be used many more times in the coming months in what editor Gerrycheevers referred to as "blatant space-filler. DogNewspaper can take a story and squish it to the left side of the page, extending its length. Now get off my lawn!" DogNewspaper declined to comment, but did wag his tail enthusiastically before rolling over in an effort to have his belly scratched.

Check out these pages! Fabulous! Jimbo is here...? Modus and nostalgia...again From our logs: 00:52, 27 March 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 121.91.59.14 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (I can't write anything for this ban reason. The amount of true doucheiness cannot be described.) 09:23, 30 March 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Mordillo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a gay admin ‎ (you like rahb. rahb = penis. therefore you like penis. therefore you = ghey. this logic is irrefutable. also, morning mordillo.) 12:57, 31 March 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Isaacjew (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (Wrong, he's not a Jew loser. I'm the Jew - and you lose) 05:05, 1 April 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked Dawg (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 6247 seconds ‎ (REVENGE IS A DISH BEST SERVED VIA BANSTICK) Biopic of the Week Ljlego is another one of those 'lost legends' of Uncyclopedia. One of the ones who you don't really believe existed, but you're not so sure, because your Grandpa told you stories about him when you were little. And even after reading some of his works, you still don't believe. Maybe there's something wrong with you. Old-School Featured Article of the Week HowTo:Kill two birds with one stone is a thrilling documentary describing the many ins and outs of avian massacre via large rocks. Many methods, tips, and tricks are mentioned in the cover-all guide. It is also noted that killing three birds with two stones is not any easier than killing two birds with one stone. Old-School Cajek Ban of the Week 00:43, 26 October 2008 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 5 minutes ‎ (Posting in the forums. You know better than to get involved in the community. Now get back in your cage.)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

9001(bot)  17:39, Apr 2

Bunny Shark

Deer Mr. Nice person whoever you are.

Thank you for reading about the bunny sharks. They are real, but I understand that believing in them is difficult. I am however very appreciative of your reviewing of my article even though you failed it miserably.

I will accept its fate, rather than dare modify it, because anything other than it's current form would be unacceptable.

I salute you, and the bunny sharks with the jaw toothed whip things.– Preceding unsigned comment added by 12.19.225.242 (talk • contribs)

now, now, mr. IP, there's no such thing as a 'fail' in pee review. the mere fact that you made any edit after receiving that score gets you at the very least a B for effort. if you're unwilling to modify the article, it may indeed get deleted before too long, as it might not belong on uncyclopedia. i invite you to explore illogicopedia, where this article will likely be welcomed and possibly even praised. good luck, brave little IP. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 18:44, 2 April 2009 (UTC)

For your vote...

The Great Potato Massacre of March 2009 Thank you for supporting Sonje in her ruthless campaign for Potatochopper of the Month A baby potato shall be mercilessly sacrificed in your honour.

--^Dame 22:10, 2 April 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost April 9/10th, 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper that won't leave you the same way they did!

April 9th, 2009 • Issue 42• We Give the In-jokes Recycling Center 90% of Their Business!

Cabalists Decide Cabal Membership At Adequate Amount, Deny Existence of Cabal By Gerrycheevers Uncyclopedia administrators this week decried the lack of need for new recruits, as they are wholly confident in their ability to secretly control the wiki from behind a moth-eaten curtain. On the voting page, which this reporter will probably be banned for pointing out to the common folk, the current cabal members expressed their desire to see more normal non-admins, or 'normies', be involved with the recent changes page. However, the option for another member being inducted into the cabal was declined, as things like the ban patrol and the Cajek Alert System seem to be running just fine, thank you very much. Cabalists were adamant about their opinions. RAHB had the following to say: "I cannot confirm the non-existence of the non-existent cabal, being that it does not exist, and I'm no Harry Potter-reading fantasy boy. I can however confirm the existence of puppies. THEY'RE ADORABLE!" The non-existence of the cabal was further emphasized by Mordillo who declined comment when approached as he was leaving the Secret Cabal Headquarters & Tiki Lounge. Experts were skeptical of the existence of the cabal, but point out that nothing should be ruled out. "Woof," said UnSignpost political correspondent DogNewspaper (pictured), citing the low level of vandalism and general dickery since the recent opping of Under user and MrN9000, who have become known to Uncyclopedians as "The Redcoats". Co-Creator of UnSignpost Introduces New Creation By Gerrycheevers Dr. Skullthumper, co-founder of the very newspaper you are reading right now, has unrolled his newest creation, the NetBar. UnSignpost editors were too busy and ridden with jealousy to investigate the nature of this new invention, but our technology correspondant DogNewspaper (pictured) was willing to speculate on the new gadget. "Bark bark," he proclaimed, elaborating that this new thing is most likely some sort of candy bar or online tavern. This is not the first time the good doctor has abandoned the UnSignpost to work on other equally trivial projects. Fnoodle, disguised as a harmless spellcheck wiki-bot, is actually a perfect one-eight replica of Skull. This entity has nearly 20,000 edits, mostly vandalisms of pages in Thekillerfroggy's userspace. However, Fnoodle has sat abandoned in the doctor's sandbox since last October, since all of said doctor's time recently has been poured into his new project, the NetBar. Uncyclopedians had mixed reactions today. Sockpuppet of an unregistered user had this to say: "What the fuck is a NetBar?" A gathering in the Uncyclopedia break room formed, with users misguidedly attempting to ward off squirrels with the NetBar. When reached for comment, Dr. Skullthumper said, "What's an UnSignpost?"

Check out these pages! Click for great deals on Uncyclopedia merchandise! Filthy Sluts Our lovable mascot returns From our logs: 13:33, 4 April 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 203.10.224.60 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎(we apologise for taking so long to ban you for this, but don't blank pages. thanks for waiting!) 19:28, 4 April 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 81.155.30.76 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎(Go play in the sandbox, little boy. Uncyclopedia is for grownups.) 22:34, 6 April 2009 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 minute, 32 seconds ‎(There's this guy sitting next to me and he's all "man, I'm pissed off at that MrN9000 guy" and I'm like "okay") Biopic of the Week Continuing in our series on Uncyclopedia legends, Cap'n Ben is one of those legends who is actually active. Since his first edit in March of 2005, the Cap'n has been makin' it happen in various ways: via awesome writings, breaking news stories, or intructional guides. He is even up for Writer of the Month for a second time since his first WotM came back in a time when Uncyclopedia kind of sucked. But it doesn't anymore...thanks to Cap'n Ben. Cajek Ban of the Week 20:16, 2 April 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 78942 seconds ‎ (Unsignpost is resorting to "Old School Cajek Ban" now. It's time to bring the real deal back.) Old School Featured Article of the Week Alternative Medicine is what the cool kids used to use in high school instead of going to the nurse like the other squares. Now that those kids are all grown up, they have continued this tradition of using such non-mainstream remedies such as Extreme Colonic Irrigation, Ass Candling, Homopathy, and Inacupuncture (pictured). Space-Filler of the Week If Einstein was so smart, how come he's dead?

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

Hand-delivered by MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 22:44, 9 April 2009 (UTC)

Thank you for the vote!

It's Naked Barbie Time! Times are tough out there but Barbie™ and all of her friends sure know how to show their appreciation for your generous vote to feature Economic Collapse Barbie™ They'll be seeing you in the bathtub later on tonight!

A Gerry vote is a had earned one IMO, thanks again!--    11:44, 10 April 2009 (UTC)

In Graltitude

 In gratitude for your vote  

  The GlobalTourniquet says "Thanks!"  

Understandably, you voted for my article for featuring. Although your "for" vote was not extraordinary, as the article's genius was beyond question, it is still appropriate to acknowledge your dutiful participation in the process.

So, in gratitude for your vote, I will dedicate my next common typographical error to you. Thank you.

The following common typographical errors are available for this honor. Please indicate below this template which one you would like me to dedicate to your user name.

Typing "teh" for "the"

The old e/space swap; i.e. "ther eis" for "there is"

Confusing "Dr. Spock" and "Mr. Spock", again

Typing "Soluble fish" for "aaaand double drat!"

Reviewed your article.

Enjoy. Saberwolf116 03:46, 12 April 2009 (UTC)

VFH

Ok, you voted against my article bob the sperm at VFH, because it has many grammatical mistakes and because you found it unfunny. You see, I'm not a native speaker of English, so yes, my grammar and tenses suck. Please spare 5 minutes of your time to correct my mistakes. Thanks in advance. PS. I am not asking you to change your vote. SIRE FREDDMOOSHA AMUSE ME 16:29, 13 April 2009 (UTC)

your wish is my command. in the future, check out the proofreading service, which will assist you in gramatically cleaning up articles before VFH. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 16:32, 13 April 2009 (UTC)

Much appreciated! Thanks, Gerry! As for this proofreading service, you know, I once put one of those {{proofread}} templates on one of my articles (that one with the very long name that I am not willing to type now, see it on my userpage) and, voila! nothing happens, the article is still the same shit it was before the template. SIRE FREDDMOOSHA AMUSE ME 17:06, 13 April 2009 (UTC)

yea, sometimes it can be a little slow. i'm one of the few active proofreaders, and sometimes i forget to check the list for a week or more at times. if you do have trouble getting articles proofread, feel free to come back here or bother someone else on the list at UN:PS. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 17:10, 13 April 2009 (UTC)

the can you please proofread my article? It is unfinished, though. SIRE FREDDMOOSHA AMUSE ME 17:18, 13 April 2009 (UTC)

sure, i'll take a look at some point. it's always better to wait and put the finished product up for proofreading, though, to avoid multiple proofreads. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 17:22, 13 April 2009 (UTC)

You need an award!

You had this coming for quite a while now. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 10:31, 15 April 2009 (UTC)

thanks sock! SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 14:21, 15 April 2009 (UTC)

Cactux

Looks good - I suspect you've been reading Glen Baxter. If not, get some. You'll like. -- Style  Guide 07:55, 16 April 2009 (UTC)

thanks. baxter - was the the fly in the fly? SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 14:03, 16 April 2009 (UTC)

I don't know - his nickname is Colonel Baxter and he has written (and drawn), for instance, The Impending Gleam.-- Style  Guide 05:57, 17 April 2009 (UTC)

Imperial Colonization

I would like to resign my post. I'd like to participate, but with school work/social engagements my schedule doesn't exactly work with the rigid this-then-this-then-this nature of IC.

...

Also, other people are fuckers, and I don't work well with them. —Sir Guildensternenstein 17:03, 16 April 2009 (UTC)

no worries. you're free to come back and help out anytime. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 17:06, 16 April 2009 (UTC)

Danke. —Sir Guildensternenstein 19:34, 16 April 2009 (UTC)

ABout the IC

Am I gonna have to wait til next week's to start. If so, fine. If at all possible, could you explain what the role of an IC member would be? I think I mainly ot it, but I am just a bit confused about what I'd do.--Smokin' Cheddar BBQ: The King of the Triangular Snackfoods 18:04, 16 April 2009 (UTC)

just stop on by this week's colonization and contribute some, or discuss some ideas on the talk page. you don't have to give us hours of your time, just a few opinions would suffice. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 18:22, 16 April 2009 (UTC)

Yes, but how do i contribute? It's not like i just go in and start writing the article. I'm not sure what I'm doing.--Smokin' Cheddar BBQ: The King of the Triangular Snackfoods 19:16, 16 April 2009 (UTC)

well, you can look at the discussion we're having concerning the direction of the article, and then add content to the article based on the established direction. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 20:00, 16 April 2009 (UTC)

You have to realize, after not being part of the majority of the Barack article, it's not very easy to catch on to exactly what's happening with it.--Smokin' Cheddar BBQ: The King of the Triangular Snackfoods 02:39, 17 April 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost April 16th, 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Won't Judge You!

April 16th, 2009 • Issue 43 • It's News Because We Tell You It Is

Latest Poo Lit Leads to Quality Flood on VFH By DrStrange The 7th edition of the Poo Lit Surprise has come to a close! This installment of Uncyclopedia's bi-annual competition featured an interesting amount of tie scores given directly by individual judges as well as being present in the overall scores. Recent competitions have featured much more decisive scoring but this time around the points were more evenly distributed amongst the entries. As the winning and co-winning entries hit VFH, we're seeing levels of voting that haven't been seen in a while. The first article nominated to VFH from the competition also came with a bold prediction by one numbskull, who questioned his existence if Karl Lagerfeld did not receive 20  For. votes. At 03:57, 11 April 2009 the 20th For vote was cast by Thekillerfroggy and it's safe to say that the author of this instant Uncyclopedia classic should be considered the overall champion with his three entries garnering him two first place articles and one second place finish. Unscrupulous Unsignpost reporters stalked found Modusoperandi while he was receiving longevity treatments in a Côte d'Azur country club and asked him the following softball question: "Who was your favorite character in the 70's hit sitcom Barney Miller?" to which he answered "While each member of the cast had appeal, as each represented part of America's "Melting Pot", I found the comparatively minor character of Inspector Frank Luger (far right), with his high state of partly-sober curmudgeonitude, to be especially charming." One of our winners was not only a perfect 1/1 by winning the best rewrite category with Money but Sycamore also received the vaunted Writer of the Month trophy for March 2009! Another plink user that fared well with plink his outright victory in the best plink mainspace article category was GlobalTourniquet, plink who wrote an article titled with a plink name that is difficult plink to recollect at the moment plonk. He also had two other entries that received 1st runner-up status, so it was a good showing for the artist formerly known as Thomas Pynchon's left Nut. A user that happens to wander in and write us an offering on occasion claimed a share of first place in the alternative namespace category with the UnNews article Obama unveils education reform plans. Monika should drop in more often! Worst 100 of the Year Stumbles to 10 Things by UU The ever-popular Uncyclopedia Worst 100 Reflections series proves it is as popular as ever! As this great year of Our Lord 2009 passes the midpoint of April, the latest iteration has just limped past 10 items, although one or two of them carry a subtle whiff of vanity. According to our resident math boffins here at Signpost Towers, we are exactly "a bit over a quarter of the way through the year, but not yet a third of the way", and so therefore should have precisely "a few more Worst Reflections than this so far". There are several schools of thought as to why this situation has been allowed to arise. One gaining currency among quite literally possibly some Uncyclopedians is that everyone on the site is so busy producing quality material that they just don't have time to devote to such frivolities. However, the continued existence and rate of progress of Forum:Count to a million neatly quashes that theory. Another hypothesis advanced by as many as no or fewer people is that precisely nothing of any interest to anyone has happened, either on this wiki or on the interwebs in general this year. However, while this is significantly more likely than the first theory, the generally accepted explanation seems to be that, quite simply and predictably, Uncyclopedia is the worst.

Check out these pages! Et tu, brute? Define "active" Jokes are serious business From our logs: 03:28, 16 April 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked Obama (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Stick to fixing the US's economy--Uncyclopedia editing is not your thing.) 20:34, 14 April 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 85.164.152.104 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (blanking spree? go find something more interesting to do, like sticking your head in an anthill) 20:02, 11 April 2009 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 93.131.36.107 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (I'm gradually blanking you. Jerk.) 06:25, 10 April 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked SquintyK (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (14 year olds shouldn't be having sex / whatever the hell it is you're doing.) Biopic of the Week Dexter111344 has the distinction of being the most well-known Uncyclopedian with the most numbers in his name (besides 5P4N6). As a newly coronated poopsmith, he helps take out the garbage on a regular basis. This is just one of many thankless tasks he carries out; he also occasionally volunteers as a paperboy and botanist, and is known for keeping douches in their place. If you see something awesome, and are wondering if Dexter did it, the answer is: "probably". And if he didn't...you know who did... Old School Featured Article of the Week Waiting for Godot is a questioning of the fundamental core of our existence, the foundation on which our moral and social codes are built; the uncertainty of Godot's identity, coupled with the stark, unembellished style of the whole play, poses some powerful questions about our own identities. What the hell are you talking about? I dunno, but it sounds intelligent. Cajek-related Question Posed via Ban of the Week 11:15, 23 October 2008 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a pronounciation ‎ (How *do* you pronounce your username?) And the answer, for those who care. Bad Dog of the Week DogNewspaper, lovable mascot of the UnSignpost, appearing on the right, will not be appearing in this week's issue. This decision was based on various infractions by DogNewspaper, most notably the Easter presents that were left in an editor's shoe. Look for DogNewspaper to return next week with his monthly piece on mailman defense.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

Hand-delivered by —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 18:45, 16 April 2009 (UTC)

Scientific facts needed

Here's an article you might be interested in, seeing you like the natural sciences like botany. The Big Bang is obviously connected to botany, so I think the article could use your expertise. -- Style  Guide 06:02, 17 April 2009 (UTC)

science is kewl. i'll take a look when i get a chance. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 16:24, 23 April 2009 (UTC)

IC

Hey Ger, just joined Uncyc and Imperial Colonization, looking forward to contributing. Might be a bit spasmodic in my contributions over the next month though cause i've got a whole lot of exams coming up. that and i find the whole system pretty confusing. thinking of putting myself up for adoption.

--Zenxan 12:46, 19 April 2009 (UTC)

welcome! we look forward to your contributions, insights, and new smells. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 16:25, 23 April 2009 (UTC)

I fixed Tiger Gun a little

I fixed it up a bit, deleted some bits, and added others. It still needs a few more bits added on, but it's changed enough so far for you to see and re-consider.

--Twinsoul 00:56, 22 April 2009 (UTC)

it's markedly better. i really do like the countermeasures section. bonus points for throwing a link to cactus in there! if you'd like another opinion, stick it back on pee review and see what someone else has to say about this improved version, it won't hurt my feelings. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 16:28, 23 April 2009 (UTC)

How exactly could I do that? I was actually wondering if you could re-review it, instead.

Also, could you please reply on my talk page? My computer is a pile of gobshite from the 90's and it took about 20 tries to upload your talk page, and another 3 just to upload the edit page.

--Twinsoul 21:48, 23 April 2009 (UTC)

Thank You!

The doctor will see you now Oh, by the way, before we begin todays session, I'd like to thank you for supporting my recent featured article. Now, tell me about your childhood.-- You know what the music means... Our time is up.

Mucho Gracias Mamacita. Si! Es Mucho Siete!

Rejoice, Gerrycheevers! You have been entitled to the
Golden Shower Award

For donating high quality material to the Pee Review.

---

Thanks for an awesome review. I was afraid I was just going to have someone give me ideas for the article, instead of reviewing the concept, but you nailed it. About the first section, I wrote that really quickly when the idea popped in my head, and didn't want to do too much with the article if everyone thought it was just a bad idea. Agree completely with what you said about the first two sections. In general, the review was impressive. Thanks again. Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 03:32, 23 April 2009 (UTC)

my pleasure! i really did enjoy that one, and i feel it has enough potential funny to overcome mere gimmick-y article status and become something that at the least is a good in-joke, and one i will link to often. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 16:29, 23 April 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost 23rd April 09

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper Made Entirely From Recycled Internet Memes

April 23rd, 2009 • Issue 44 • Spamming Your Talkpage Since 2008

Conservation Week Largely Ignored By UnCommunity By Gerrycheevers Uncyclopedia is currently halfway through its bi-annual (semi-annual?) rewriting extravaganza, lovingly referred to as Conservation Week. Every six months, members of this silly wiki partake in the practice of pruning, hacking, nurturing, feeding, and otherwise bothering the 'trees' of the site, which is the running metaphor for 'article'. From the greatest feature machine to the lowliest n00b, everyone can participate in Conservation Week by simply finding a sub-par article and making it better via trimming or adding content, or just plain magic. However, our special investigator DogNewspaper (pictured) has discovered that this so-called Rewrite-a-Thon is not the all-encompassing entity it is meant to be. In fact, normal operations such as VFD, VFH, and the Cajek Ban Joke Factory have not ground to a halt as they clearly should during this special fortnight. Users were puzzled by this revelation; RabbiTechno admitted that he has "little idea what 99.9% of the whole site is all about," and he elaborated that without his constant vigilance, UnNews would surely deteriorate into a third-rate media parody, which this reporter can verify is true. Known conservation standouts have also shockingly participated in non-rewrite-related activities during the designated tree-hugging week. Dexter111344, reigning Greasy Mechanic, blamed the inclement weather, nosy librarians, and the almighty Zeus. Or maybe he just rewrote Zeus, but the librarian part was true for sure. UnSignpost Reporter Subtly Mentions Vigilance Week In Article; Chaos Ensues By Gerrycheevers In the April 23rd, 2009 edition of the UnSignpost, masked co-chief-editor Gerrycheevers covertly linked the word 'vigilance' to Uncyclopedia's Vigilance Week page, inciting riots and mass panic among Uncyclopedians site-wide. Vigilance Week, the mere mention of which often inspires multiple forums where users argue and complain in bold or even italic font, is a period where the rules of article deletion are relaxed, and the worst articles on Uncyclopedia are loaded into the basement of the British Houses of Parliament and blown up using comical amounts of gunpowder. The last Vigilance Week reportedly occured in September/October 2007, resulting in the death of borderline humorous articles by the dozens. The horrific memories of that week have greatly affected some Uncyclopedians, who remain extremely charged about the issue to this day. For example, Modusoperandi recalled his experience when asked to comment on Vigilance Week, saying, "Certainly. What's "Vigilance Week"?" Other users were similarly shocked, as V-Week, as it has come to be known, was described as "unmemorable" by one user, and "get off my lawn" by another. However, the passion that Vigilance Week stirs up is negligent when compared to the shitstorm that results upon the mention of that black sheep of Uncyclopedia holidays: Forest Fire Week. This period in the Fall of 2006, when Uncyc was still really an infant in wiki-years, saw over 3000 articles deleted, more than 15% the total website content at the time. In fact, this very article will probably merit at least one forum regarding FFW despite this periodical's poor circulation and low-quality electrons. At press time, the subtle link to Vigilance Week had caused a medium-sized riot, with hordes of angry users tipping over cars in the Uncyclopedia Parking Structure and setting the animals in the Uncyclopedia Zoo loose. The Cabal is poised to get involved by seizing all media outlets and gener- ATTENTION COMMONERS. ALL IS WELL. THERE WILL BE NO OCCURENCES OF ANY DELETION WEEKS OF ANY KIND. FURTHERMORE, COMEDIC ALLOWANCES WILL HEREBY BE INCREASED FROM 80 GRAMS TO 65 GRAMS. THIS MESSAGE IS NOT THE DOING OF THE CABAL, AS THERE IS NO CABAL. GOODNIGHT, AND HAVE A PLEASANT TOMORROW.

Check out these pages! The forum is pitch black. You are likely to be eaten by a grue. Ye olde forum Something about TV and magic From our logs: 10:38, 20 April 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 92.40.56.191 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎(DON'T BLANK PAGES (also, don't shout. Thanks!)) 12:05, 21 April 2009 Todd Lyons (Talk | contribs) blocked Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 0 seconds ‎(Thinking impure thoughts about Ricki Lake) 13:26, 21 April 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 168.216.48.30 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎(If you're that bored go and find a solution for the world hunger. Trust me, you'll be much more popular) Biopic of the Week In another installment of Uncylopedia Legends, Procopius is a user you might never have heard of due to his recent inactivity. Without so much as a fancy sig or a new-fangled typewriter, he cranked out feature after feature. His contributions to the medium of misinformation were also well received. Procopius was merely a hard-working blue collar Uncyclopedian, and is hereby recognized by this periodical as awesome. Old School Featured Article of the Week The mere mention of the great Procopius brings to mind one of his greatest masterpieces, The white guy in All-4-One. In this intellectually stimulating article, the mystery of a successful R&B group having a caucasian member is discussed at length. Incidentally, the white male in question has joined the search for an answer to the conundrum, which remains elusive to this day. Cajek-inspired ban-smackdown of the week 08:52, 22 April 2009 Sannse (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 643 seconds ‎(Oh look, a blatant attempt to get a mention in the UnSignpost) 08:57, 22 April 2009 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked Sannse (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 6 seconds ‎(Wups. Sorry. I thought you were Cajek.) 09:06, 22 April 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Sannse (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 123 years ‎(Damn our evil wikian masters trying to overtake our newspaper. Revolt! REVOLT I SAY!) 09:07, 22 April 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 13 seconds ‎(thought you were Spartacus) 09:10, 22 April 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Under user (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 14 seconds ‎(No no, I'm Spartacus) Underdog of the Week Rogue ball of tumbleweed recently exploded onto the Uncyclopedia scene, earning a few fractions of votes for N00b of the Month. Despite mild support, it seems fellow n00b YKWTMM is set to take the coveted badge home this month, with an unprecedented 'several' votes. Nevertheless, the UnSignpost would like to recognize Tumbleweed for his resilience and moxie.

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9001(bot)  22:07, Apr 23

Just wondering if you could...

take a look at my newest article on Pee. You do rather good reviews and I have come to greatly value your opinion. You don't need to do a full blown review, I just want to know if you think it is featureable and maybe a few comments on why or why not...here is the link if your willing to help. If your too busy I completely understand. Thanks ~SirTagstit • VFH • NotM • PEEING • CPT • RotM • BFF 01:55, 24 April 2009 (UTC)

it would be an honor, good sir. i will take a look at this tomorrow morning. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 02:00, 24 April 2009 (UTC)

Many thanks Mr. Cheevers, I am greatly obliged. ~SirTagstit • VFH • NotM • PEEING • CPT • RotM • BFF 04:54, 24 April 2009 (UTC)

Hey! Thanks again for another great review. When I first wrote this, it was originally in the way you suggested to take it, more serious. Orian did the first review and added his own opinion, saying he would think it was better if it was biased, saying rape was wrong. (The first few sentences are all Orian's writing). He also came up with the STD part, the neighbor hearing her screams and other little bits to "blur the reality". I liked his ideas, so I am really not trying to be all, "he made me do it!" although it may seem like it. So I am very confused as to what direction to go in. I am thinking of going back to the normal news reporter style, but keeping some of Orian's absurd ideas to blur reality. Also I will probably revise some of the text part too like you said. Think that'll work? ~SirTagstit • VFH • NotM • PEEING • CPT • RotM • BFF 16:16, 24 April 2009 (UTC)

okay, yeah. the ideas are good, but i think they would work better in a more formal tone. for example, the neighbor hearing her screams would fit better if it also had some anecdote added on at the end, instead of just 'i heard her screaming it was terrible.' SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 16:31, 24 April 2009 (UTC)

Any examples? ~SirTagstit • VFH • NotM • PEEING • CPT • RotM • BFF 16:35, 24 April 2009 (UTC)

you could say 'i heard her screaming...or it might have been her mother because the cell phone bill came that day' or something along those lines. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 16:39, 24 April 2009 (UTC)

Ohhh okay I hear ya. Alright I will get working on it. I will be gone for the weekend but when I come back, I will finish it and ask you to proofread it and fix formatting. Thanks alot for all your help dude. I really appreciate it. ~SirTagstit • VFH • NotM • PEEING • CPT • RotM • BFF 17:01, 24 April 2009 (UTC)

no problem at all. keep up the good work!! SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 17:04, 24 April 2009 (UTC)

Awesome job Gerry!

You so totally deserve this:

Diamond Dumper

Excellent! Your commitment to PEEING is nearly boundless, going beyond 75 in-depth pee reviews. You provide such vast quantities of piss that you need something special to contain it. So we gladly provide you with this beautiful bathroom bling - keep pissing!

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Thanks for a high quality 75th in-depth review sir, once again I am in your debt! --UU - natter 08:47, Apr 24

no problem at all, mr. U! i should have been doing more rewrites, but i was just so close to 75...i wanted that dumper! i'll maybe whip something up for 100...SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 14:05, 24 April 2009 (UTC)

Of papyri and men

Ok, Gerry, here is the deal. I want some help with my papyrus containin bla bla bla. I want to make it look like a papyrus, i.e. papyrus-coloured background and stuff like that, sorta like the layout of Dragon Worrier, but with a pharaonic tone. Care to help? 15:38, 24 April 2009 (UTC)

hmm. well, having read the article, i would say that it doesn't need it, as it stands on its own very well as an encyclopedic article. but if you insist...try making a forum topic in the 'help' category, as i have no idea how to accomplish that, nor could i even point you in the direction of someone who could. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 15:54, 24 April 2009 (UTC)

no need for that, I'll just "borrow" the source code from dragon warrior :) I just need to know what the colour of papyri is called. lightbrown, beige, khaki? 16:12, 24 April 2009 (UTC)

sure, if you just want a solid color, steal that source code. play around with some different colors until you find a good one; those suggestions all sound reasonable. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 16:14, 24 April 2009 (UTC)