User:Zombiebaron/VanHalen

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Reformed Orthodox Rabbi William "Bill" Clinton (born August 19, 1946) is an American politician, former childcare worker, former amateur saxophonist, and swingin' bachelor. As the 42nd President of the United States, and the horniest man to hold that position since JFK, he led America through the economic golden age of the '90s. Clinton is famous for being the first president to institute the Opposite Presidential Term, in which everything he said during his second term is the exact opposite of what he said in his first term. In his first term, he was a Liberal, but in his second term, he was a Neocon; that was his way of bringing about change. Clinton's term in office was marred by economic and political reform. The most serious was some bitch named Hillary, who kept insisting she was his wife and had actually slept with him. This was widely ignored by everyone until it was revealed that Bill had been secretly cheating on the First Lady with Hillary, in a perverse affair that culminated in a media frenzy. (Full article...) Recently featured: Bill Clinton Buffalo Bills UnGames:Garlic bread Orchid Archive · Vote for featured articles · Featured today, a long long time ago Tenet (film), featured on 2 April 2025: Featured version Did you know... ... that the The Antipodean Gallery of Post-Modern Art will play host to some of Pau Pei's most groundbreaking works of concentric art? (Pictured) ... that you've just lost the game? ... that the moon is not made of cheese, but magnesium of milk powder, which explains why everyone that ever goes there feels sick when they come back? ... that many diseases can be prevented by washing your hands before eating, after eating, during eating, and another couple of times just in case? ... that sufficiently advanced magic is indistinguishable from science? ... that it is important to tune your Air Guitar constantly, as any dust particles that stick to the complicated arrangement of air will completely deform it? ... that the only way to survive a massive nuclear blast is to crouch underneath your desk? ... that Kitten Huffing is a popular, though controversial, alternative to street drugs such as skag and crank? ... that Elvis is NOT dead? (Pictured) ... that sovereign citizens have all the rights of U.S citizens, without having to follow any of the laws? ... that hitting your kids may be beneficial to their health, or at the very least amusing to you? ... that I just had sex, and hey do you got any napkins? ... that midget cockpunching terrorists are a threat to the US and her allies? ... You can do anything with creativity, determination, and the exploitation of the working class? ... that every time you fall asleep, you die? ... that no word in the English language rhymes with the word flucumber? ... that the The Antipodean Gallery of Post-Modern Art will play host to some of Pau Pei's most groundbreaking works of concentric art? (Pictured) ... that you've just lost the game? ... that the moon is not made of cheese, but magnesium of milk powder, which explains why everyone that ever goes there feels sick when they come back? ... that many diseases can be prevented by washing your hands before eating, after eating, during eating, and another couple of times just in case? ... that sufficiently advanced magic is indistinguishable from science? ... that it is important to tune your Air Guitar constantly, as any dust particles that stick to the complicated arrangement of air will completely deform it? ... that the only way to survive a massive nuclear blast is to crouch underneath your desk? ... that Kitten Huffing is a popular, though controversial, alternative to street drugs such as skag and crank? ... that Elvis is NOT dead? (Pictured) ... that sovereign citizens have all the rights of U.S citizens, without having to follow any of the laws? ... that hitting your kids may be beneficial to their health, or at the very least amusing to you? ... that I just had sex, and hey do you got any napkins? ... that midget cockpunching terrorists are a threat to the US and her allies? ... You can do anything with creativity, determination, and the exploitation of the working class? ... that every time you fall asleep, you die? ... that no word in the English language rhymes with the word flucumber? ... that the The Antipodean Gallery of Post-Modern Art will play host to some of Pau Pei's most groundbreaking works of concentric art? (Pictured) ... that you've just lost the game? ... that the moon is not made of cheese, but magnesium of milk powder, which explains why everyone that ever goes there feels sick when they come back? ... that many diseases can be prevented by washing your hands before eating, after eating, during eating, and another couple of times just in case? ... that sufficiently advanced magic is indistinguishable from science? ... that it is important to tune your Air Guitar constantly, as any dust particles that stick to the complicated arrangement of air will completely deform it? ... that the only way to survive a massive nuclear blast is to crouch underneath your desk? ... that Kitten Huffing is a popular, though controversial, alternative to street drugs such as skag and crank? ... that Elvis is NOT dead? (Pictured) ... that sovereign citizens have all the rights of U.S citizens, without having to follow any of the laws? ... that hitting your kids may be beneficial to their health, or at the very least amusing to you? ... that I just had sex, and hey do you got any napkins? ... that midget cockpunching terrorists are a threat to the US and her allies? ... You can do anything with creativity, determination, and the exploitation of the working class? ... that every time you fall asleep, you die? ... that no word in the English language rhymes with the word flucumber? ... that the The Antipodean Gallery of Post-Modern Art will play host to some of Pau Pei's most groundbreaking works of concentric art? (Pictured) ... that you've just lost the game? ... that the moon is not made of cheese, but magnesium of milk powder, which explains why everyone that ever goes there feels sick when they come back? ... that many diseases can be prevented by washing your hands before eating, after eating, during eating, and another couple of times just in case? ... that sufficiently advanced magic is indistinguishable from science? ... that it is important to tune your Air Guitar constantly, as any dust particles that stick to the complicated arrangement of air will completely deform it? ... that the only way to survive a massive nuclear blast is to crouch underneath your desk? ... that Kitten Huffing is a popular, though controversial, alternative to street drugs such as skag and crank?	In the news Chuck Norris didn't die, Death got Chuck Norris'd. Trump talks to America on Iran, Chuck Norris, the Moon, March Madness, and firing Pam Bondi World shocked as Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the bucket (Pictured) Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize Iran kept barely alive by Cardboard Ayatollah Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • War Special Combat Operation in Iran • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed • March Madness Final Four Recent deaths: Robert Mueller • Transgender self-identity in India • Mr. Strickland • C.B. Buckner's carreer as an MLB ump • Duke's basketball season • Jesus Upcoming deaths: Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons • Streetsigns with Cesar Chavez's name • Sora • Tiger Woods' driver's license and career.. fuck it, his life can go too • Holostars JP On this day... April 3: Vivaldi Appreciation Day 1220 - Rampaging crusaders drive a trebuchet through the walls of two towers in Ancient Syria. 1666 - Sir Marquis Baron Vivaldi walks to the crossroad and sells his soul to Satan 1888 - Vivaldi composes new record "A Change of Four Seasons", inspired by regressive metal band Dream Theater. 1945 - Scientists discover that if you play John Cage's 4'33" backward you'll hear someone cough, but backwards. 1974 - Tornadoes sweep the U.S.A, inspiring the invention of the tumble drier. 1986 - D.J. murder rate at all-time high, blamed on the provocative lyrics of The Smiths. 1996 - Ted Kaczynski, the Unabomber, is arrested for crimes against tasteful nomenclature, and killing like six people.
Featured picture The future of proctology isn't in your hands, your hands are in it. Image credit: Serge Billault View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images
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Writer and Noob of the Month Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome! So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore. Let us all clap for him because I said so. Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage! Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls. Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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