User:Zombiebaron/VanHalen

Welcome to Halenopedia, the Van Halen-obsessed encyclopedia that can Jump! 1984 articles about Panama

Van Halen Eddie Van Halen David Lee Roth

Sammy Hagar Hot for Teacher You Really Got Me

Dreams Jamie's Cryin' Eruption

The Autoconspiracy 2000 (more commonly known as the Conspiracy Theory Generator) is a top-secret computer program built by the world's most elite historians and computer scientists for the purpose of expanding historical knowledge beyond that which would normally not be achievable by humans. The goal of the program is to map out and eventually solve every historical uncertainty by "Exploring the Infinite Chronoscape" as the program's metadata puts it. Early versions of the Autoconspiracy can be traced back to prehistoric times, where archaeological records show evidence of some particularly clever cavemen who had studied the natural patterns of moss and of mud to explain the origins of organic material. More refined methods of discovering hidden truths came later, culminating with the final Autoconspiracy version, Autoconspiracy 2000 c. 2000. (Full article...) Recently featured: Conspiracy Theory Generator Why?:Is there a monkey in my fridge? John Marshall You Archive · Vote for featured articles · Did you know... ... that Sigmund Freud told me he slept with your mother last night? (Pictured) ... that when a grizzly bear becomes excited sexually it is known as a jizzly bear? ... that St. Peter's Basilica is a large reptilian creature with breath of fire and a gaze that can turn people into stone? ... that babies explode when you put them in the microwave? ... that I like cats, but could never eat a whole one? ... that creating an account comes with a 50% higher chance of leaving of Uncycloland alive? ... that you... you should have gone for my head? Oh Snap! ... that school is an asylum where they mentally and physically abuse you for seven cruel hours, all with your parents' approval? ... that your daughter wants to be just like her mommy? (Pictured) ... that torture is better to give than to receive? ... that in 2001 George W. Bush passed the No Child Left Behind Act, which forbids soldiers in Iraq from leaving their children behind? ... that Uranus is a gas giant? ... that much like your cancer-stricken Grandpa, the United Kingdom would rather shit the bed than accept its fate and fade into obscurity? ... that virgins are actually alien beings with zero sex organs, and reproduce via telekinesis? ... that the fictional droid C-3PO is fluent in over six million forms of communication, but only four of them are love? ... that sarcasm is totally the highest form of wit? ... that Sigmund Freud told me he slept with your mother last night? (Pictured) ... that when a grizzly bear becomes excited sexually it is known as a jizzly bear? ... that St. Peter's Basilica is a large reptilian creature with breath of fire and a gaze that can turn people into stone? ... that babies explode when you put them in the microwave? ... that I like cats, but could never eat a whole one? ... that creating an account comes with a 50% higher chance of leaving of Uncycloland alive? ... that you... you should have gone for my head? Oh Snap! ... that school is an asylum where they mentally and physically abuse you for seven cruel hours, all with your parents' approval? ... that your daughter wants to be just like her mommy? (Pictured) ... that torture is better to give than to receive? ... that in 2001 George W. Bush passed the No Child Left Behind Act, which forbids soldiers in Iraq from leaving their children behind? ... that Uranus is a gas giant? ... that much like your cancer-stricken Grandpa, the United Kingdom would rather shit the bed than accept its fate and fade into obscurity? ... that virgins are actually alien beings with zero sex organs, and reproduce via telekinesis? ... that the fictional droid C-3PO is fluent in over six million forms of communication, but only four of them are love? ... that sarcasm is totally the highest form of wit? ... that Sigmund Freud told me he slept with your mother last night? (Pictured) ... that when a grizzly bear becomes excited sexually it is known as a jizzly bear? ... that St. Peter's Basilica is a large reptilian creature with breath of fire and a gaze that can turn people into stone? ... that babies explode when you put them in the microwave? ... that I like cats, but could never eat a whole one? ... that creating an account comes with a 50% higher chance of leaving of Uncycloland alive? ... that you... you should have gone for my head? Oh Snap! ... that school is an asylum where they mentally and physically abuse you for seven cruel hours, all with your parents' approval? ... that your daughter wants to be just like her mommy? (Pictured) ... that torture is better to give than to receive? ... that in 2001 George W. Bush passed the No Child Left Behind Act, which forbids soldiers in Iraq from leaving their children behind? ... that Uranus is a gas giant? ... that much like your cancer-stricken Grandpa, the United Kingdom would rather shit the bed than accept its fate and fade into obscurity? ... that virgins are actually alien beings with zero sex organs, and reproduce via telekinesis? ... that the fictional droid C-3PO is fluent in over six million forms of communication, but only four of them are love? ... that sarcasm is totally the highest form of wit? ... that Sigmund Freud told me he slept with your mother last night? (Pictured) ... that when a grizzly bear becomes excited sexually it is known as a jizzly bear? ... that St. Peter's Basilica is a large reptilian creature with breath of fire and a gaze that can turn people into stone? ... that babies explode when you put them in the microwave? ... that I like cats, but could never eat a whole one? ... that creating an account comes with a 50% higher chance of leaving of Uncycloland alive? ... that you... you should have gone for my head? Oh Snap! ... that school is an asylum where they mentally and physically abuse you for seven cruel hours, all with your parents' approval?	In the news He literally fought nail and tooth for Team America Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey (Pictured); Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters So.. about that Super Bowl.. Bad Bunny and TPUSA offer equally heathen, equally crappy halftime shows GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL!! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Next season's Super Bowl revealed to be on Valentine's Day Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Ongoing: Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • Fallout from the Epstein Files • r/TheDarnold still having a massive field day • NFL fans experiencing withdrawal symptoms with the season now over • Team Canada rethinking life Recent deaths: Brad Arnold • NFL season • Winter Olympics • Some kid from some movie you probably forgot existed, but had a funny title • James Van Der Beek (Not Dick Van Dyke, Ashley Roberts from the Pussycat Dolls!) • Robert Duvall • Kurt Van Dyke (not Dick) • Jesse Jackson • YouTube • Tom Noonan • Eric Dane • Melania Trump's big movie star career • Team Canada hockey, twice, AND their curling team • Some Nerd named Robert Carradine Not dead: Dick Van Dyke, who's 100, bitches!! (Not to be confused with James Van Der Beek) • Quinton Reviews Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • NYC's economy and snow handling capability • Weed • Dick van Dyke, eventually • Dancin' Maduro • Iran's government • The careers of everyone named in the Epstein Files • the US government, again • Warner Bros. (?) • A Las Vegas hotel that no one's going to remember • Mexico On this day... February 25: Gangrene Appreciation Day 1863 - Civil War surgeons discover a cure for gangrene, a rusty hacksaw and a stick to bite on. 1901 - J. P. Morgan becomes a billionaire after inventing the now world-renowned overdraft protection fee. 1945 - Turkey declares war on Germany. A little late to the party but every little thing helps. 1964 - Kim Il-sung turns North Korea into a verdant paradise, a utopia masquerading as a third-world country. It's basically an Asian Wakanda. 1991 - The Warsaw pact is officially abolished, thus ushering in a new era of peace and stability in Europe for a whole two hours. 1992 - The Khojaly Massacre occurs, part of an ongoing conflict between Armenia and Azerbaijan over the enclave of Nagorno-Karabakh aaaaaand you're asleep. Okay.
Featured picture The Skin Flute, an instrument that many bohemians and crack-whores enjoy playing in their spare time, has greatly increased in popularity due to additives that can increase comfortable playing time by nearly four hours. Oftentimes, a skin flautist uses the instrument of another to play their masterpieces, for which they are either paid a substantial sum, given a follow-up performance, or neither. The practice of giving a skin flute to more than one person to play has led to the spread of many STDs - that is, skinflute transmitted diseases - and has thus also increased its cultural taboo. Image credit: Zombiebaron View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images
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Writer and Noob of the Month Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome! So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore. Let us all clap for him because I said so. Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage! Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls. Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners You now only have 3, god dammit, 3 days to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month! Get voting!

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