User:Zombiebaron/VanHalen

Welcome to Halenopedia, the Van Halen-obsessed encyclopedia that can Jump! 1984 articles about Panama

Van Halen Eddie Van Halen David Lee Roth

Sammy Hagar Hot for Teacher You Really Got Me

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Orchids are a special family of temptress flowers that bloom around June, totally unlike conservative flowers with upstanding morals and family values. They have delicate bodies, slim stems, and deep orifices, with small follicles emanating from their lower inner region that open up once every 28 days or so to emit a rather fishy yet surprisingly fragrant scent in order to attract insects, which will invade their insides to help pollinate them. Orchids are considered to be some of the most scrumptious flowers in the plant kingdom, and they are also utterly insatiable. No amount of pollination is enough. Whereas almost all other flowers would be satisfied with one insect pollinator per day, for Orchids, no amount of frequent diverse visitors is enough. They are so good at seduction, bumble bees are known to fight one another to the death in their attempt to mount the stamens of orchids and destroy their tall slender legs in the process. Only the strongest bees with the most cunning, deceptive, and charismatic qualities are able to beat other bees during the frenzied orchid mating season. (Full article...) Recently featured: UnGames:Garlic bread Orchid HowTo:Rearrange the deckchairs on the Titanic Biffy Clyro Archive · Vote for featured articles · Did you know... ... that you can meet all sorts of interesting people when you're drunk? (Pictured) ... that abstinence is only 99.999% effective? ... that less than 10% of the world's cactus population contains gold inside? ... that Uncyclopedia regularly kills its editors mid-sent ... that a Pie Chart is the most delicious way of visually conveying information? ... the IRS is asking what's love got to do with your taxes? ... that goldfish are neither gold nor fish? ...Jacking off to more exotic fetishes doesn't make you special? ... that in another time and place Rod Serling existed as a discarded cardboard cutout on the set of the Twilight Zone? (Pictured) ... that contrary to popular belief, she never actually sold seashells by the seashore? ... that it's probably not the weekend (The chance is 5/7)? ... that the only way the bible could have more holes is if it were written on Jesus's skin? ... that the first use of "LOL" is in Shakespeare's play, As You Like It, and that the first use of "OMG" may be found in Macbeth? ... that apparently, this Charles Norris fellow is quite the ruffian? ... that everytime we touch, I get this feeling? ... that dihydrogen monoxide is a substance found in car exhaust, pesticides, acid rain, and your energy drink? ... that you can meet all sorts of interesting people when you're drunk? (Pictured) ... that abstinence is only 99.999% effective? ... that less than 10% of the world's cactus population contains gold inside? ... that Uncyclopedia regularly kills its editors mid-sent ... that a Pie Chart is the most delicious way of visually conveying information? ... the IRS is asking what's love got to do with your taxes? ... that goldfish are neither gold nor fish? ...Jacking off to more exotic fetishes doesn't make you special? ... that in another time and place Rod Serling existed as a discarded cardboard cutout on the set of the Twilight Zone? (Pictured) ... that contrary to popular belief, she never actually sold seashells by the seashore? ... that it's probably not the weekend (The chance is 5/7)? ... that the only way the bible could have more holes is if it were written on Jesus's skin? ... that the first use of "LOL" is in Shakespeare's play, As You Like It, and that the first use of "OMG" may be found in Macbeth? ... that apparently, this Charles Norris fellow is quite the ruffian? ... that everytime we touch, I get this feeling? ... that dihydrogen monoxide is a substance found in car exhaust, pesticides, acid rain, and your energy drink? ... that you can meet all sorts of interesting people when you're drunk? (Pictured) ... that abstinence is only 99.999% effective? ... that less than 10% of the world's cactus population contains gold inside? ... that Uncyclopedia regularly kills its editors mid-sent ... that a Pie Chart is the most delicious way of visually conveying information? ... the IRS is asking what's love got to do with your taxes? ... that goldfish are neither gold nor fish? ...Jacking off to more exotic fetishes doesn't make you special? ... that in another time and place Rod Serling existed as a discarded cardboard cutout on the set of the Twilight Zone? (Pictured) ... that contrary to popular belief, she never actually sold seashells by the seashore? ... that it's probably not the weekend (The chance is 5/7)? ... that the only way the bible could have more holes is if it were written on Jesus's skin? ... that the first use of "LOL" is in Shakespeare's play, As You Like It, and that the first use of "OMG" may be found in Macbeth? ... that apparently, this Charles Norris fellow is quite the ruffian? ... that everytime we touch, I get this feeling? ... that dihydrogen monoxide is a substance found in car exhaust, pesticides, acid rain, and your energy drink? ... that you can meet all sorts of interesting people when you're drunk? (Pictured) ... that abstinence is only 99.999% effective? ... that less than 10% of the world's cactus population contains gold inside? ... that Uncyclopedia regularly kills its editors mid-sent ... that a Pie Chart is the most delicious way of visually conveying information? ... the IRS is asking what's love got to do with your taxes? ... that goldfish are neither gold nor fish? ...Jacking off to more exotic fetishes doesn't make you special?	In the news World shocked as Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the bucket (Pictured) Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize Iran kept barely alive by Cardboard Ayatollah Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • War Special Combat Operation in Iran • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed • Impossibly long lines at American airports Recent deaths: That guy from Boston, not the city, but the band, from the city • Chuck Norris doesn't die, he goes to Hell to regroup • Buffy • Xander Harris • Robert Mueller • Transgender self-identity in India Upcoming deaths: Iran • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons • Streetsigns with Cesar Chavez's name • TSA agents' bank accounts and sanity • Sora On this day... March 26: Fast Food Day (U.S.) 1845 - Fast food, then called fasting from food, is invented in Ireland: millions starve due to new trend. 1940 - First McDonald's restaurant opens in San Bernardino, California, life expectancy drops to levels unseen since the Civil War. 1965 - Fox in Socks, the first depiction of a modern-day rap battle, is published by Dr. Seuss. 1994 - After complaints from vegans, McDonald's switches from beef fat to vegetable oil for their fries, vegans celebrate, give money to company that kills millions of cows. 1997 - Someone orders an iced coffee from Starbucks, destroys the economies of three South American countries. 2011 - McDonald's attempts to make Happy Meals healthier, billions of apple slices rot inside their teeny plastic bags. 2016 - New FCC regulations on misleading advertising forces Carl's Jr. to release new 30 second ad of a fat man crying, alone. 2018 - Wendy's delivers epic clapback against dumb bitch on twitter with sesame seed allergy.
Featured picture By popular demand, the National Pet Association has released a new guide for the best household chemicals to use for exploding your dog. Caveat Canem, indeed. Image credit: MoneySign View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images
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Writer and Noob of the Month Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome! So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore. Let us all clap for him because I said so. Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage! Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls. Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners You only have 5 (five!) more days to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month! Get voting!

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