User:Zombiebaron/VanHalen

Welcome to Halenopedia, the Van Halen-obsessed encyclopedia that can Jump! 1984 articles about Panama

Van Halen Eddie Van Halen David Lee Roth

Sammy Hagar Hot for Teacher You Really Got Me

Dreams Jamie's Cryin' Eruption

Ahhh. Long day of work over. Time to grab that big-ass bowl of vegetable beef barley soup in the fridge. Bill, you better not have touched my soup again! Like that time you got so drunk you took a whiz in it. Twice. Come to think of it, it was shitty soup. That probably improved it. Not like this one. Let's see, cake, milk, horse semen, ketchup, monkey, hair roller thingy, soup! Yes! My life is whole again! Hold on... Why is my hair roller in here? Wait... This horse semen tastes funny. Did you put your semen in here again, Bill? Don't ask how I know what yours tastes like. We were drunk. Not my fault. Just a minute... WHY IS THERE A MONKEY IN MY FUCKING FRIDGE?!? (Full article...) Recently featured: Why?:Is there a monkey in my fridge? John Marshall You Rob Gronkowski Archive · Vote for featured articles · Did you know... ... that the Gay Agenda is out to get you? (Pictured) ... that the Rorschach inkblots all look kinda like my Aunt Gladys giving head to Satan? ... that less than 10% of the world's cactus population contains gold inside? ... that if you were to stack up all the elephants on Earth, those elephants would die? ... that Jesus loves you, but that's probably not enough to get to heaven? ... that the keyboard you have been using has more germs than your toilet seat? ... that the sky is up and the ground is down, except in Australia where the opposite is true? ... that Big Pharma wants to get you high? ... that former Australian prime minister John Howard once spent over 48 hours in session with his cabinet? (Pictured) ... that Santa sees you while you're sleeping, and he knows when you're awake? ... that Alexander isn't really that Great? ... that the song "Harder Better Faster Stronger" by Daft Punk is a giant "That's what she said" joke? ... that the bow-tie is an aphrodisiac worn by male humans which instantly increases the sexual appeal of the wearer by 16%? ... that the process of dying and coming back to life as a cow is known as reincownation? ... that individuals born under the sign of Gemini are often flammable and vulnerable to bear attacks? ... that if Abraham Lincoln was alive today, he would be clawing desperately at the lid of his coffin and screaming for help? ... that the Gay Agenda is out to get you? (Pictured) ... that the Rorschach inkblots all look kinda like my Aunt Gladys giving head to Satan? ... that less than 10% of the world's cactus population contains gold inside? ... that if you were to stack up all the elephants on Earth, those elephants would die? ... that Jesus loves you, but that's probably not enough to get to heaven? ... that the keyboard you have been using has more germs than your toilet seat? ... that the sky is up and the ground is down, except in Australia where the opposite is true? ... that Big Pharma wants to get you high? ... that former Australian prime minister John Howard once spent over 48 hours in session with his cabinet? (Pictured) ... that Santa sees you while you're sleeping, and he knows when you're awake? ... that Alexander isn't really that Great? ... that the song "Harder Better Faster Stronger" by Daft Punk is a giant "That's what she said" joke? ... that the bow-tie is an aphrodisiac worn by male humans which instantly increases the sexual appeal of the wearer by 16%? ... that the process of dying and coming back to life as a cow is known as reincownation? ... that individuals born under the sign of Gemini are often flammable and vulnerable to bear attacks? ... that if Abraham Lincoln was alive today, he would be clawing desperately at the lid of his coffin and screaming for help? ... that the Gay Agenda is out to get you? (Pictured) ... that the Rorschach inkblots all look kinda like my Aunt Gladys giving head to Satan? ... that less than 10% of the world's cactus population contains gold inside? ... that if you were to stack up all the elephants on Earth, those elephants would die? ... that Jesus loves you, but that's probably not enough to get to heaven? ... that the keyboard you have been using has more germs than your toilet seat? ... that the sky is up and the ground is down, except in Australia where the opposite is true? ... that Big Pharma wants to get you high? ... that former Australian prime minister John Howard once spent over 48 hours in session with his cabinet? (Pictured) ... that Santa sees you while you're sleeping, and he knows when you're awake? ... that Alexander isn't really that Great? ... that the song "Harder Better Faster Stronger" by Daft Punk is a giant "That's what she said" joke? ... that the bow-tie is an aphrodisiac worn by male humans which instantly increases the sexual appeal of the wearer by 16%? ... that the process of dying and coming back to life as a cow is known as reincownation? ... that individuals born under the sign of Gemini are often flammable and vulnerable to bear attacks? ... that if Abraham Lincoln was alive today, he would be clawing desperately at the lid of his coffin and screaming for help? ... that the Gay Agenda is out to get you? (Pictured) ... that the Rorschach inkblots all look kinda like my Aunt Gladys giving head to Satan? ... that less than 10% of the world's cactus population contains gold inside? ... that if you were to stack up all the elephants on Earth, those elephants would die? ... that Jesus loves you, but that's probably not enough to get to heaven? ... that the keyboard you have been using has more germs than your toilet seat? ... that the sky is up and the ground is down, except in Australia where the opposite is true? ... that Big Pharma wants to get you high?	In the news "Come! Come support my tacky AI website!" Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (Pictured; this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters So.. about that Super Bowl.. Bad Bunny and TPUSA offer equally heathen, equally crappy halftime shows GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL!! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Next season's Super Bowl revealed to be on Valentine's Day Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Ongoing: Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • Fallout from the Epstein Files • Winter Olympics • r/TheDarnold still having a massive field day • NFL fans experiencing withdrawal symptoms with the season now over Recent deaths: Lamont • Brad Arnold • NFL season • Lindsay Vonn's leg • Some kid from some movie you probably forgot existed, but had a funny title • James Van Der Beek (Not Dick Van Dyke, Ashley Roberts from the Pussycat Dolls!) • Robert Duvall • Kurt Van Dyke (not Dick) • Jesse Jackson • YouTube • Tom Noonan • McSteamy from Grey's Anatomy (if you're Gen X) or the dad from Euphoria (if you're a Millennial or Gen Z) Not dead: Dick Van Dyke, who's 100, bitches!! (Not to be confused with James Van Der Beek) • Quinton Reviews Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • NYC's economy • Weed • Dick van Dyke, eventually • Dancin' Maduro • Aaron Rodgers' career • Iran's government • The careers of everyone named in the Epstein Files (cough cough Bill and Hillary Clinton) • Travis Kelce • the US government, again • Warner Bros. (?) • A Las Vegas hotel that no one's going to care about On this day... February 20: Hot Garbage Day 1792 - The Postal Service is first established, celebration ceremony is accidentally rerouted to San Francisco, Spanish California. 1872 - After some harsh wind, the Metropolitan Museum of Art opens its first exhibit, a giant pile of toppled over ceiling scaffolding. 1877 - Russian ballet Swan Lake is received poorly by critics after show swans descend into the audience and peck their eyes out. 1935 - The first woman to set foot in Antarctica wonders what all the fuss was about. 1986 - The Soviet Union launches the space station Mir, cosmonauts test whether communism can work in outer space. 2016 - A man in Schenectady, New York is the first person to describe someone's opinion as "hot garbage" (Pictured), is given medal for ruining English.
Featured picture The future of proctology isn't in your hands, your hands are in it. Image credit: Serge Billault View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images
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Writer and Noob of the Month Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome! So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore. Let us all clap for him because I said so. Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage! Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls. Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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