User:Zombiebaron/VanHalen

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Mathematics (from Greek άθημα máthēma, “knowledge, study, learning”) is the systematic torture of students disguised as the study of quantity, structure, space, and change. Mathematicians seek out patterns and formulate new conjectures, trying to make sense of the universe by examining these abstract concepts, determining common traits, and then experimenting to see if this advanced knowledge will help them get women into bed. These conjectures are often faulty, and this subsequent failure is referred to as mathematical proof.

Galileo Galilei (1564–1642) said, "The universe cannot be read until we have learned the language and become familiar with the characters in which it is written. It is written in mathematical language... Without these, one is wandering about in a dark labyrinth". He was also condemned by the church for heresy, and the only surviving body part of his is his middle finger on his right hand. This is currently kept at the Museo Galileo in Florence, Italy, allowing him to give the finger to the Catholic Church from beyond the grave. (Full article...)

Did you know...

Chicken jesus.PNG
  • ... that no word in the English language rhymes with the word flucumber?
  • ... that the lawman/outlaw Wild Bill Hickok had one of the most celebrated mustaches in the Wild West?
  • ... that forgetting to carry the one is the leading cause of disaster for world domination plans?
  • ... that genocide is a perfectly healthy response to any personal problems you may have?
  • ... that Afghanistan is known for its lush dirt farms, where dirt and dust are cultivated by villagers to enhance the scenic emptiness for which the region is known?
  • ... that dyslexic farmers wear catflaps on their heads?
  • ... that paper beats rock, but guns beat everything?
Blood-controller.jpg
Chicken jesus.PNG
  • ... that no word in the English language rhymes with the word flucumber?
  • ... that the lawman/outlaw Wild Bill Hickok had one of the most celebrated mustaches in the Wild West?
  • ... that forgetting to carry the one is the leading cause of disaster for world domination plans?
  • ... that genocide is a perfectly healthy response to any personal problems you may have?
  • ... that Afghanistan is known for its lush dirt farms, where dirt and dust are cultivated by villagers to enhance the scenic emptiness for which the region is known?
  • ... that dyslexic farmers wear catflaps on their heads?
  • ... that paper beats rock, but guns beat everything?
Blood-controller.jpg
Chicken jesus.PNG
  • ... that no word in the English language rhymes with the word flucumber?
  • ... that the lawman/outlaw Wild Bill Hickok had one of the most celebrated mustaches in the Wild West?
  • ... that forgetting to carry the one is the leading cause of disaster for world domination plans?
  • ... that genocide is a perfectly healthy response to any personal problems you may have?
  • ... that Afghanistan is known for its lush dirt farms, where dirt and dust are cultivated by villagers to enhance the scenic emptiness for which the region is known?
  • ... that dyslexic farmers wear catflaps on their heads?
  • ... that paper beats rock, but guns beat everything?
Blood-controller.jpg
Chicken jesus.PNG
  • ... that no word in the English language rhymes with the word flucumber?
  • ... that the lawman/outlaw Wild Bill Hickok had one of the most celebrated mustaches in the Wild West?
  • ... that forgetting to carry the one is the leading cause of disaster for world domination plans?
  • ... that genocide is a perfectly healthy response to any personal problems you may have?
  • ... that Afghanistan is known for its lush dirt farms, where dirt and dust are cultivated by villagers to enhance the scenic emptiness for which the region is known?
  • ... that dyslexic farmers wear catflaps on their heads?
  • ... that paper beats rock, but guns beat everything?

In the news

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Chuck Norris didn't die, Death got Chuck Norris'd.

Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein FilesWar Special Combat Operation in Iran • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed • Impossibly long lines at American airports

Recent deaths: Xander HarrisRobert Mueller • Transgender self-identity in India • DMV-based sitcom canned after people realize they can watch literally anything else • Mr. Strickland

Upcoming deaths: IranMahmoud AhmadinejadAtlanta Falcons • Streetsigns with Cesar Chavez's name • TSA agents' bank accounts • Sora

On this day...

*Sheev scream*

March 29: National Treason Day

Featured picture

Falstrop's Amazing Kitten Huffing Device
Early Victorian advances in kitten huffing technology were spearheaded by the notorious kit-head Algernon Falstrop.

Image credit: Sannse
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Writer and Noob of the Month

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Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.


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Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!


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Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.


Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

Jesus! Only 2 days left to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month! Get voting!

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