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Welcome to Halenopedia, the Van Halen-obsessed encyclopedia that can Jump! 1984 articles about Panama

Van Halen Eddie Van Halen David Lee Roth

Sammy Hagar Hot for Teacher You Really Got Me

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Orchids are a special family of temptress flowers that bloom around June, totally unlike conservative flowers with upstanding morals and family values. They have delicate bodies, slim stems, and deep orifices, with small follicles emanating from their lower inner region that open up once every 28 days or so to emit a rather fishy yet surprisingly fragrant scent in order to attract insects, which will invade their insides to help pollinate them. Orchids are considered to be some of the most scrumptious flowers in the plant kingdom, and they are also utterly insatiable. No amount of pollination is enough. Whereas almost all other flowers would be satisfied with one insect pollinator per day, for Orchids, no amount of frequent diverse visitors is enough. They are so good at seduction, bumble bees are known to fight one another to the death in their attempt to mount the stamens of orchids and destroy their tall slender legs in the process. Only the strongest bees with the most cunning, deceptive, and charismatic qualities are able to beat other bees during the frenzied orchid mating season. (Full article...) Recently featured: UnGames:Garlic bread Orchid HowTo:Rearrange the deckchairs on the Titanic Biffy Clyro Archive · Vote for featured articles · Did you know... ... that your daughter wants to be just like her mommy? (Pictured) ... Donald Trump? More like... Donald Gay! Hah, gottem! ... that if you poke a whale in the tummy it will giggle like a schoolgirl? ... that to the untrained ear, John Aglethorpe's Ode to the Monotony of Life may simply sound like one continuous, monotonous tone, but the song is actually composed mostly of alterations between the A sharp and B flat notes tied together? ... that a rose by any other name would be called something else? ... that if we lose cabin pressure, masks will drop from just above your head? I always get the Richard Nixon mask! ... that suicide is an answer to every problem, just not a very good one? ... that if the earth were the size of an apple, we would fall off? ... that former Australian prime minister John Howard once spent over 48 hours in session with his cabinet? (Pictured) ... that vaccinations and computer games combined make a deadly cocktail for autism? ... that Alaska's principle exports include snow, ice, frozen water, and permafrost? ... that if you say peacock, no one bats an eye, but if you say poopcock, everyone blows their minds? ... that the French Revolution was just a rip-off of the American Revolution? ... you're so fat, that if you don't stop, within a month you're gonna have a heart attack or stroke? ... that Liechtenstein is completely pointless? ... that many diseases can be prevented by washing your hands before eating, after eating, during eating, and another couple of times just in case? ... that your daughter wants to be just like her mommy? (Pictured) ... Donald Trump? More like... Donald Gay! Hah, gottem! ... that if you poke a whale in the tummy it will giggle like a schoolgirl? ... that to the untrained ear, John Aglethorpe's Ode to the Monotony of Life may simply sound like one continuous, monotonous tone, but the song is actually composed mostly of alterations between the A sharp and B flat notes tied together? ... that a rose by any other name would be called something else? ... that if we lose cabin pressure, masks will drop from just above your head? I always get the Richard Nixon mask! ... that suicide is an answer to every problem, just not a very good one? ... that if the earth were the size of an apple, we would fall off? ... that former Australian prime minister John Howard once spent over 48 hours in session with his cabinet? (Pictured) ... that vaccinations and computer games combined make a deadly cocktail for autism? ... that Alaska's principle exports include snow, ice, frozen water, and permafrost? ... that if you say peacock, no one bats an eye, but if you say poopcock, everyone blows their minds? ... that the French Revolution was just a rip-off of the American Revolution? ... you're so fat, that if you don't stop, within a month you're gonna have a heart attack or stroke? ... that Liechtenstein is completely pointless? ... that many diseases can be prevented by washing your hands before eating, after eating, during eating, and another couple of times just in case? ... that your daughter wants to be just like her mommy? (Pictured) ... Donald Trump? More like... Donald Gay! Hah, gottem! ... that if you poke a whale in the tummy it will giggle like a schoolgirl? ... that to the untrained ear, John Aglethorpe's Ode to the Monotony of Life may simply sound like one continuous, monotonous tone, but the song is actually composed mostly of alterations between the A sharp and B flat notes tied together? ... that a rose by any other name would be called something else? ... that if we lose cabin pressure, masks will drop from just above your head? I always get the Richard Nixon mask! ... that suicide is an answer to every problem, just not a very good one? ... that if the earth were the size of an apple, we would fall off? ... that former Australian prime minister John Howard once spent over 48 hours in session with his cabinet? (Pictured) ... that vaccinations and computer games combined make a deadly cocktail for autism? ... that Alaska's principle exports include snow, ice, frozen water, and permafrost? ... that if you say peacock, no one bats an eye, but if you say poopcock, everyone blows their minds? ... that the French Revolution was just a rip-off of the American Revolution? ... you're so fat, that if you don't stop, within a month you're gonna have a heart attack or stroke? ... that Liechtenstein is completely pointless? ... that many diseases can be prevented by washing your hands before eating, after eating, during eating, and another couple of times just in case? ... that your daughter wants to be just like her mommy? (Pictured) ... Donald Trump? More like... Donald Gay! Hah, gottem! ... that if you poke a whale in the tummy it will giggle like a schoolgirl? ... that to the untrained ear, John Aglethorpe's Ode to the Monotony of Life may simply sound like one continuous, monotonous tone, but the song is actually composed mostly of alterations between the A sharp and B flat notes tied together? ... that a rose by any other name would be called something else? ... that if we lose cabin pressure, masks will drop from just above your head? I always get the Richard Nixon mask! ... that suicide is an answer to every problem, just not a very good one? ... that if the earth were the size of an apple, we would fall off?	In the news World shocked as Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the bucket (Pictured) Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize Iran kept barely alive by Cardboard Ayatollah Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • War Special Combat Operation in Iran • Saturn Awards • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed • Impossibly long lines at American airports Recent deaths: Miami Dolphins, twice • That guy from Boston, not the city, but the band, from the city • Chuck Norris doesn't die, he goes to Hell to regroup • Buffy • Xander Harris • Robert Mueller Upcoming deaths: Dancin' Maduro • Iran • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons • Streetsigns with Cesar Chavez's name • TSA agents' bank accounts and sanity On this day... March 24: International Do-It-Yourself Day 1857 - Oscar Wilde pens his story The Soul of Man under Socialism while under something else. 1943 - Jackson Pollock unveils his long-awaited third exhibition, featuring the classic Angsty Orange Tiger. 1964 - The ping pong incident occurs at my high school, and will torment me for over forty years until my son avenges me. 1991 - The first child is admitted to the hospital for Phonics addiction in the beginning of a nation-wide pandemic, resulting in thousands of kids becoming 'hooked'. 1994 - Kitty porn makes its first appearance on the primitive internet. 2007 - The first human trials of Neuroipods suffer drawbacks when a vast majority of test subjects contract iEllepsy. 2010 - Sarah Palin kicks off the first annual Alaskan Sasquatch Appreciation Day.
Featured picture The Pontius Pilot is infamous for some functionality issues. One typical complaint is that the Microsoft Crucifixion program often crucified incorrect and important data, such as the Messiah. Thankfully for its users, the file would miraculously reappear two days later after descending to the Recycle Bin, not three as some mathematically illiterate biblical scholars would tell you. Image credit: Savethemooses View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images
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Writer and Noob of the Month Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome! So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore. Let us all clap for him because I said so. Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage! Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls. Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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