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Ahoy, me hearty and welcome to Pirateopedia (formally HMS Uncyclopedia), the duty-free encyclopedia that pirates can edit Arghh!


Davey Jones has inspired us to sink and pillage 41,128 ships since we set sail in January 2005.

Before running out your guns, please read the ships charter and the pirates code or you'll be Walking the Plank.
If you scurvy dogs still are still a bit confused then speak to polly(sqwark, Pieces of Eight, Pieces of Eight)

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Most Succesful Pirates | LLoyds List's | Other Ships...


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Antipasta.png

In Pasticle Physics, antipasta is composed of anti-ingredients in the same way that pasta is composed of ingredients. For example, an antiegg and some antiwheat with a bit of antiwater can form an antipasta dough. It is potentially life-threatening to consume antipasta without extreme safety measures and a bit of luck. This is because when an anti-food particle comes into contact with a positive particle (for example a human's tongue) the two particles annihilate each other releasing a tremendous amount of energy (the equivalent of 1,000,000 spurts of explosive diarrhea after bad Mexican food). This means the more antiparmesan you add onto a mountain of antispaghetti, the more likely your body will paint the walls and ceiling before you finish eating it. Whilst an exciting, even an arousing proposal, it is a little too dangerous for most people (even if you have a little chub just thinking about anti-tortelini) and seen as reckless and hedonistic by conservative foodies.With excessive care, one can enjoy anti-rigatoni and most likely keep their stomach intact, their head on their shoulders and not shit out anti-blood. (Full article...)

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What were we getting up too in past years, Arghhhh!

A Festivus for the rest of us!

December 23: Festivus

  • 1402 - Frank Constanza invents Festivus, "a holiday for the rest of us."
  • 1888 - Dutch painter Vincent van Gogh cuts off part of his left ear, sells it on eBay for three times the list price.
  • 1938 - Immigrants from the Old Country bring over the Festivus Pole (Pictured) to America, get rid of the tinsel as it's "too distracting."
  • 1954 - The first successful piano transplant is performed, following failed attempts on organs and harpsichords.
  • 1970 - Ted Cruz molts for the first time! He eats the scaly residue for sustenance.
  • 2000 - Competing holiday Christmas Eve Eve gets laughed off the room by good, correct people.
  • 2006 - Your uncle makes a scene during the Airing of Grievances, makes the rest of the day awkward.
  • 2007 - You and Your mom duke it out in the Feats of Strength. Your Mom promptly beats your ass.


Archived doings

What be worrying the Land Lubbers


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Take that, Betty White!

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Stranger Things 5 volume 2 and Spaceballs 2 • The Andrew Formerly Known as PrinceRich New Yorkers fleeing MamdanistanLarry Sanger's war on Wikipedia • Non-Bears invading Tennessee • Indianapolis Colts dragging an old man out of retirementRavens fans hiding in a corner after another choke

Recent deaths: The pennyUdo KierJimmy CliffWarner Bros.Sheen EstevezChet UbetchaDoug DimmadomeZed's dead, baby (He was also the bad guy in The Mask) • Animal FarmKansas City Chiefs' season • Rob ReinerBowen Yang's tenure on SNLDallas Cowboys' season • Patrick Mahomes' backup's ACL

Upcoming deaths: Eurovision Song ContestDEIIran's nuclear program • Diddy's bank account • MSNBCDonald TrumpNYC's economy • Indianapolis Colts' and Baltimore Ravens' seasons • Weed67% of people trying to understand why 6 of 7 news stories mention "6-7" • The MetroCardDick van Dyke, eventually • 2025


Pirate Times


Arghh, I'll wagger you didn't know that...

From Uncyclopedia's roughest captains:

  • ... that two wrongs don't make a right, but two Wrights make an airplane?


Read More

Recent press ganged crew


More Recently press-ganged crew | Most wanted pirates | Requested Keel Haulings | Add to stumps | Marooned with nowt but a pistol and one shot | Help out the land-lubbers

Pirate of the Month and Swabbie of the Month

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Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.


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Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!


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Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.


Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners


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