User talk:Magic man/archive1

This is an archive. Don't edit it, bitch.

Leave a message, or else...

And chocolate

Thanks.

Newer stuffs

• Archive two ~ I prove to Lyrithya that I'm an asshole, get my first Uncyclopedia rape, Christmas comes and goes, I do some more reviewing, win the World's Best Friend, Magician of the month and sandwich of the month award, Dancing dude's dance page gets made, that dickhead Magic man does some vote whoring, I get thanked for voting on stuff, become a member of PEEING, answer noob questions, do more stuff for Imperial Colonization, Alister sprinkles his silliness all over, I write a controversial article, greet some more noobs, I get a cookie from Mimo which somehow ends up in a showdown in MS paint, do some coding stuff, get another cookie from Mr. Soot Gremlin, I finally get an article featured, do some VFD stuff with SPIKE, attempt to speak greek, explane to JackOfSpades why my user talk page is "So fucking red", Mimo calls me a dick, I am informed that my sig is outrageous, someone leaves a message to everyone on my talk page, I WIN! I leave for four days, I get a death threat from Another n00b, and Uncyclopedia breaks. Oh! And did I mention I get yelled at some more? (Wow! Was that a run-on-sentence or what?)

• Archive three ~ I get "eaten", a penis lollipop finds it's way to my mouth, talking in Japanese, I judge the happy monkey competition, vote whoring, I adopt a noob, a poem-off between me, Al, and Mimo, I make two banners for the happy monkey competition which never get put up, I send off the IC Silver Age, I move Dinosaur on my own, voting thanks, talking in greek, I get into potatochopping, I get another article featured, April Fool's Day comes and goes, I spill coffee on my modem, Dinosaur gets featured and I get half credit, I get a "Pantsless Ninjastar", Another n00b gets banned for being a vandal, then comes back, and I get nommed for PotM. A bunch of other stuff happens, but none of it is interesting.

• Archive four ~ I am informed (by myself) that I am an asshat, make Lollipop a birthday card, show PoopManPoop a magic trick, get into the hall of shame (because I get UnNews:Old people more likely to die, study shows featured), my birthday comes and goes, make some Donald Trump related images for JelloMold, I put fruit (now fruits) up for VFH (it fails), write Uncyclopedia:What VFD is not for UN:REQ, get a "Yukky Ninjastar" from JackOfSpades, Aleister gets skunk featured, I get promoted to the rank of High General in the grue army, I listen to Elton John's version of Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds, Lollipop tries to de-red my talkpage, more trump related images, I'm really unreliable over at UN:PR, I have my unbirthday, I get Visual puns featured and a whole bunch of people talk about it, I win reviewer of the month, I bother Skully with my quotes, I write an article for the UnSignpost, I get thanked for numerous things and Hypnotist and Inbox also get featured, but that's not reflected here, so don't go looking for it.

• Archive five (hey, that rhymes) ~ I call myself a dumbo, which is then confirmed by Lollipop, I sort of help write Horseshoes (game), I rewrite Fruit like twenty times, Shabidoo makes Lyrithya proud to be an Uncyclopedian, I collaborate with Black flamino11 on Sun (which later gets featured), I get Mini-golf featured with Mattsnow, my team and I get 1st place in the Uncyclopedia Summer Extravaganza, Lollipop writes UnPoetia:A Visit from Satanbear, I enter Hearing impairment in the PLS, I get Subliminal stimuli featured, Shabidoo asks me some pressing questions, Bizzeebeever tries to kill me with an axe, I become a poopsmith, I tell everyone that I'm a gymnast, Halloween comes and goes, I win UotM, I visibly bounce around talk pages with Shabidoo and Lollipop, I poopsmith incorrectly a couple times, I write Lawn mowers, I go back to my old signature, and I win WotM (but that's not really reflected in there).

hi

hi

Useless stuff I'll never read

Hey, Magic man/archive1, and welcome to Uncyclopedia! Thanks for making an account here. Hopefully, you'll like the place and decide to stay. If not, the door's right over there... no, a little more to your left... yeah. Anyway, here are a few good links for people like you:

Roll out the red carpet! Magic man/archive1 has joined Uncyclopedia!

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When on talkpages or forums, please sign your name on talk pages using four tildes (~~~~) or use the "sign" button () above the edit box. This will automatically produce your name and the date so we know who said what.

To create a page, simply click here or make it in your userspage by clicking on this red link. Remember to put a {{WIP}} tag on your page if you make it in mainspace.

And finally, just have fun. It's why we're all here. Maintain a good attitude and you'll do well here. :)

If you need help, ask me on my talk page, ask at the Dump, or ask an administrator on their talk page. Additionally, the Uncyclopedian Adopt-a-Noob program is there to bring experienced editors straight to you. Simply leave a message on an adopter's talkpage to join. Again, welcome!   —Pelozurian (talk) 18:51, 20 June 2010 (UTC)

For future reference

Your time in pee review is appreciated, but you shouldn't put a zero on anything but the image section, and even then you can only put it when there are no images. Also, you could've gone a little further and indepth with the review. Thank you for your time--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 16:07, June 26, 2010 (UTC)

Pre Post Apocalypse Thanks

We’re not sure to get featured, but you’re sure to be cool! Cheers!--Funnybony    19:47, Jun 30

QVFD

Pay attention. When a day has a header, don't add another one. Secondly, don't add anything that is over a week old to it. Thirdly, don't sign anything on there. Read the rules and deletion policy before adding anything again. MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 04:34, July 9, 2010 (UTC)

You, personally, averted the Apocalypse

Post Apocalypse made it in to cue, thanks to you. Now there is no chance it will happen.

Much thanks--Funnybony    15:41, Jul 15

The article about being scared

Now in your userspace. Sorry if this is a bit overdue. -- T​K​F​​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​UU​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​CK 15:38, August 6, 2010 (UTC)

Your Sig

Your signature needs a link to your userpage, while yours is just your username. Just saying. --Some Idiot 00:14, August 14, 2010 (UTC)

QVFD

While I appreciate your efforts in trying to help out, please remember that archiving QVFD is for poopsmiths and admins only. Please don't archive QVFD pages again. Thanks. Saberwolf116 03:43, August 22, 2010 (UTC)

Re: Thank God I Finally Found You!

wow so much better dude, I'm not sure if you meant to keep the Getty images watermark on but for me I saw it as a joke on how little crediblity the e-mail has. Am I right? --Dr. Fenwick 03:43, August 22, 2010 (UTC)

Your Sig (again, but different than last time)

The picture in it is too big.

1. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc!
2. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc!
3. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc!
4. 

1. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc!

See how it messed with formatting? Make it smaller, lest the interweb's tubes become clogged with it. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 20:23, August 29, 2010 (UTC)

Hello, Wizard, you have done it!

You have actually won some Spam! Congrats, Magic Man! I suppose you could of just conjured some up yourself (with all that 'magic' and stuff) but I've give it to you anyway! Enjoy! -

Votes on VFD

You should put your vote last in the section, because the top position indicates who brought the page to VFD. Wouldn't be as important except that your signature has no timestamp and we can't tell you weren't first, that is, nominator. Thanks. Spıke ¬ 00:15 17-Sep-10

Your sig, third time is the charm

Your sig breaks the rules yet again, this time it's longer than 55 characters. Can you do us all a favor and read UN:SIG? Also, shorten it so it's 55 characters or less. Thanks. ~ 19:39, September 17, 2010 (UTC)

Is this ok?

Please say yes, or else I might shoot my self. And then you'll be a murder (indirectly). It's under 55 characters, its shorter than the X's (I checked), it's 12px, it has a link to my userpage, and it clearly identify's me and my username. I'm going to use this in hopes it will be ok.

Yep that seems fine now. Thanks. ~ 08:24, September 19, 2010 (UTC)

Good job! You got a dance!

Yep yep yep! You got a dance! and here it is:

I know you'll love it! Dancing dude

Well I do love it!

Middle Finger Terminology

For the record, it's flipping someone off, not "flicking" them off. Just saying. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 14:33, September 28, 2010 (UTC)

Oh, cool. I changed it. Oh i feel so ashamed...

Welcoming users

Hya, when you welcome users you want to subset the message (so, dropping the whole code on the page) like that: {{subst:user:magic man/welcome}}. The reason being that if someone messes with your templates, that will show up in every every page you placed the template on. Thanks. ~ 07:43, September 30, 2010 (UTC)

Man.. I'm always doing something wrong! I feel like an out-law.

It's not really wrong it's more like "it's better". But hey, if you want to be the outlaw, who am I to stop you? ~ 18:40, October 4, 2010 (UTC)

Hey! Don't talk to me that way! I'm an out law you know! I might kill your family for talking to me that way!

I saw Elvis.

On this talk page --Dancing dude 22:47, October 9, 2010 (UTC)

I never thought I'd say this on Uncyclopedia...

But your categorising has totally cluttered up the recent changes thing. Could you not mark them as minor edits when you a massive pile of such things? Please? ~ *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20101010 - 18:00 (UTC)

Ok... -- 18:10, October 10, 2010 (UTC)

Er, I mean do mark them, since categorising is a minor thing... damn, I hate english sometimes. >.< ~ *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20101010 - 18:08 (UTC)

I know me to. -- 18:10, October 10, 2010 (UTC)

Heh... anyhoo, thanks. *hugs ye and runs off* ~ *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20101010 - 18:11 (UTC)

Hey!! Wait! I'll call you... -- 18:14, October 10, 2010 (UTC)

Nice Work!

At reverting this jerk, talk to you after an admin finally shows up to ban him. They should have made you an admin for a day, you would have caught the guy early, now he's on like a hundred pages or more. Again, nice work. Aleister 2:13 12 10

thanks!-- 02:13, October 12, 2010 (UTC)

You're quicker than me, by the time I get there you've got him. I actually have to sign off, can't help it. Whenever an admin shows up he can be banned, but this points out a huge hole in the system, so this jerk is doing us a favor in some ways. You've done extremely good work here. Aleister 2:43 12 10

glad to know it. now back to work. -- 02:44, October 12, 2010 (UTC)

You want me blocked, why don't report me?

Some one already did.-- 02:45, October 12, 2010 (UTC)

OH THANK GOD!!! Modusoperandi baned 189.239.66.169 finally! Thank you so much Modusoperandi! And to you Aleister: sorry about those short responses, but I had to get back to work reverting the edits of 189.239.66.169. He/she was soooooooooooooooo anoying! But as my part of my duty (ha I said duty) to the grue army I had to keep going and reverting the edits.

P.S.

It bugged the shit out of me that no one was talking in orange (now red). But it would've taken too long to fix it. -- 03:04, October 12, 2010 (UTC)

Yeoman work against the vandal

Aleister and Magic Man, your work this evening tailing the all-caps-and-vertical-bars vandal and undoing his changes is one of the unsung jobs that keeps this site humming. So I am singing. And he is banned for two weeks, thanks to Modusoperandi. Spıke ¬ 03:17 12-Oct-10

Well let's just hope at the end of that two weeks he/she doesn't come back.

P.S.

Thanks for thanking us. That vandal needed to be put behind bars.... vertical orange bars that is =). -- 03:21, October 12, 2010 (UTC)

Go HERE and vote for him then. Gen. Fudgem0bile When the bus driver gets off, who closes the doors? 03:57, October 12, 2010 (UTC)

You get a ninjastar

Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 03:47, October 12, 2010 (UTC)

Yay! -- 03:50, October 12, 2010 (UTC)

If you break it out of its blister-pak, it's a real ninjastar. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 04:07, October 12, 2010 (UTC)

Wow cool! Oh hey, glad to see you gave Aleister a ninjastar to, he did alot aswell.

(Huzzahas! all around!  ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*  (talk) (stalk) Π   ~  ~  12 Oct 2010 ~ 05:40 (UTC))

P.S.

Thank you so very much Fudgemobile, for nominating me to be Uncyclopedian of the Month. Any way, I'm getting off the interweb for tonight. BYE! -- 04:14, October 12, 2010 (UTC) Hey dude that was pretty cool. Infact... that deserves an honorary 2nd dance! Here it is:

Keep up the good work. --Dancing dude 04:23, October 12, 2010 (UTC)

Hi hi, I'm back, I have a new IP, but don't worry, I won't vandalize again, yesterday I were bored and in wikipedia you are reverted in seconds. Anyway, what we learned about yesterday? That is too easy to vandalize here, BTW I vote for you at the user of the month, I don't know if I can but who cares. 189.239.53.190 04:46, October 13, 2010 (UTC)

To 189.239.53.190

Hey man/woman, why not create an account? Your a pretty good wiki editor. But if you do create an account, tell me what your username is. I think this could become a good friendship. -- 01:04, October 14, 2010 (UTC)

Award from UN:REQ

This user created HowTo:Become a Master of Disguise, an article originally requested on Uncyclopedia:Requested articles. You're welcome!

This user created Unquotable:Quotes in AAAAA!, an article originally requested on Uncyclopedia:Requested articles. You're welcome!

Forum

Hi. If you have a few minutes could you go to this forum and tell me what you see when you log on. Is there a huge contest ad on the left, a large moving gif ad at the top of the page, etc. Thanks. Aleister 15:50 16 10

Ok shure. -- 03:55, October 16, 2010 (UTC)

Vote for my poem...

...Here: Uncyclopedia:VFH/UnPoetia:Poems that don't rhyme -- 01:20, October 17, 2010 (UTC)

The "Jab" on UotM

Don't take the comment from "HELPME" personally, especially as it was in the section not on your nomination but on mine. The comment does not diss your tireless work against the vandal that evening, only says that longevity is a criterion too. Note on that page that (1) I was only nominated because someone was "bemused that apparently this guy hasn't gotten this yet" and that (2) no one has gotten it twice. So soon, someone will say the same thing about you. I'm not saying, "Wait your turn." I'm saying, "Don't take stuff personally." PS--"HELPME" is young, but he is not adversarial. Spıke ¬ 01:05 19-Oct-10

No I wasn't taking it personally. I was just telling him that just because he votes for one person on UotM, doesn't mean he needs to give a reson that the other(s) shouldn't become UotM. -- 01:19, October 19, 2010 (UTC)

::Good point. You may really be a magic man. Aleister 2:02 19 10 Any voter considering the case for a nominee considers whether it beats the case for the other nominees. Stating that one case beats another is not a jab at the other; so yes, I do think you took it personally. Last month for the Foolitzer, we saw actual  Against votes, though they came from the fellow's co-conspirators. Spıke ¬ 02:04 19-Oct-10

Look, I don't want to get in to an argument. Any anger (at him) I had is gone. And I mean you don't need to give the reson. Anyway I'm just saying he could have done without saying that.

P.S.

Ya know Aleister it's funny you would say that. Because (no joke) I'm a magician. That's my job in real life. And when I say "real life" I mean when I'm not on Uncyclopedia. --Magic man is happy it's halloween! Time for orange , & black 02:14, October 19, 2010 (UTC)

HALLOWEEN!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN EVERYONE!! --Magic man is happy it's halloween! Time for orange , & black 03:32, October 19, 2010 (UTC)

Oy. I got words for you.

Namely, thanks for cleaning up after that nit after I started getting too lazy to bother. You do good works, mon. ~ *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20101111 - 02:02 (UTC)

Cool thanks. Now back to work for me! -- 02:04, November 11, 2010 (UTC)

Yeah, let's leave his conversation on my talk page. I don't mind it. Thanks. Aleister 2:10 11 11

Ok I will. -- 02:11, November 11, 2010 (UTC)

An IP cant give you a ninjastarfish? --124.181.81.6 03:15, November 11, 2010 (UTC)

No. No, you most certainly cannot. Magicman, why are you humouring it? ~ *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20101111 - 03:17 (UTC)

There, POOF gone! -- 03:18, November 11, 2010 (UTC)

Why not humor me? Its not like i'll leave if im not humored--124.181.81.6 03:19, November 11, 2010 (UTC)

you sure you dont want it magic? must be the only ninjastar awarded by a trolll for an anti-troll --124.181.81.6 03:21, November 11, 2010 (UTC)

No I dont think I do. But will you please stop? -- 03:22, November 11, 2010 (UTC)

Ok then. I'll stop. Goodbye --124.181.81.6 03:24, November 11, 2010 (UTC)

It's always there, in the history, so the ninjastar lives on under the waves in the electronic lake of Magic's talk page. Aleister 3:24 11 11

If you really are gonna stop then thanks. And can you get the other "troll" to stop to? -- 03:27, November 11, 2010 (UTC)

Well I guess thier done. I gotta go. If they come back good luck. -- 03:35, November 11, 2010 (UTC)

UnSignpost - The UnSignpost Rides Again!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Proudly supporting editorial independence whenever the board say it's okay

Nov 11th, 2010 • Issue 94 • The Newspaper that shaves you closer!

The UnSignpost Rides Again! By Chief A long time ago in a galaxy far far away, the Rebels attained victory over the Imperial Empire and the last UnSignpost flopped onto talk pages. The drought came as Under user announced that he had a life to be getting on with, and at that point the UnSignpost simply stopped writing itself. Some people have suggested that these two events may be linked somehow, but until we see proof, we have resolved to live in ignorance. However as we hurtle towards the end of the year it would seem the magic has returned and the newspaper that confusingly contains neither news or paper will once again be arriving on talk pages weekly monthly annually whenever we can manage it. Newer recipients of the UnSignpost are urged to suggest ideas for stories in the press room; this helps as it means we don't need to pay attention to anything you people do every day. For now, please welcome the UnSignpost back into your homes and hearts... please? Speak up! By Chief For those of you who may be unfamiliar with The Article Whisperer, permit me to clear the waters somewhat with this bit of text I have, at great personal risk, copied off the competition page. It is: "An annual writing competition held by Uncyclopedia:Requested Articles", which I think we can all agree is absolutely splendid. Unfortunately, all our intrepid journalists were saving Kittens from trees and generally performing heroic deeds when the competition took place, but that won't stop us from talking about it. Lyrithya and Matfen were the biggest winners, or losers depending on how you look at it, each being Grand Champion of two categories. Competition founder MadMax was unavailable for comment at the time of going to press, so we have made something up instead: "The competition was a great success and I would like to thank everyone who took part; especially ChiefjusticeDS who is absolutely fantastic and whom I owe many drinks", he might have said. The Article Whisperer is expected to take place again next year, and MadMax might have said "Take part or die", but probably not. The Aristocrat's By Chief & Mhaille Few competitions stir the loins more than The Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball, self described as Uncyclopedia's festival of frivolity and bad taste. The competition has three categories: The Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball Best Bad Taste Article The Master Goa Tse Award for Digital Imagery If you aren't a writer (we are led to believe some people are not), then 3 Judges are needed for each of the above categories (see here). Seriously, this will be so much fun you will wish we did it twice a year... maybe. The competition opens on November 19th, so put on a stout pair of writing trousers and get going!

Check out these pages! Bed Never on Sunday Anything interesting happening? Zombiebaron That's so 2005 From our logs: 16:29, November 10, 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 435 seconds ‎ (You're reviving the Signpost? Good luck! Now to think of a witty ban reason to get me in the "From Our Logs" section. Penis. That ought to do it. It would if I was editing it.) 04:27, November 10, 2010 MadMax (Talk | contribs) blocked 124.181.83.75 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Normally you'd probably be reading a witty message from an admin. Obviously, I'm not one of those admins. Gotta tell you, you're missing out.) 10:36, November 9, 2010 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 82.42.244.217 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (List 350 reasons why I should care about your birthday, and I'll reverse the ban.) 08:10, November 10, 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked EatPoo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 Days ‎ (Alas, dear sir, you are afflicted with the stupid) 16:31, November 10, 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Under user (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 435 years ‎ (Stop being supposedly here and BE HERE. YOU'RE BREAKING MY HEART) Biopic of the Week Do you hear that? Thought not, because this week we are taking a closer look at one of Uncyclopedia's true unsung heroes, Black flamingo. He has a whopping 12.5 feature credits; that's more than 5 feature credits and 6 feature credits put together! Not only that, but Black flamingo has been instrumental in keeping Pee Review afloat while you weren't. Respect this man immediately or I will punch a Zebra, that's how committed I am to getting him recognised. Head over to his talk page right now and doff your helm. Now, dammit! Don't make me fetch the Zebra. Old-school featured article of the week The term "Paul is dead" (PID) refers to an urban legend or a hoax perpetrated either on the musical group The Beatles by their fans or vice-versa. According to the legend, bass guitarist and singer Paul McCartney was replaced by a lookalike after his alleged death in an auto accident in the mid-60s. Proponents of this hoax cite obscure clues embedded within the Beatles' lyrics, symbolism in their album covers, and Wings as evidence that the "real" Paul didn't survive into the 1970s. This manuscript reveals the full chilling truth. I've read it, and it will blow your tiny mind.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

Hey...

I saw you signed up for Magnum Squadron at the Grue Army Base. Just post some notes on my talk page of how you think we could improve the group. Right now you are second-in-command of the Grue Army(A spot formerly filled by the on-and-off TKF}. --High Gen. Meganew (Stuff I've Done) (Chat With Me) (Get an Award!) FORCES ENLIST MUN 18:38, November 11, 2010 (UTC)

Sure...

Go ahead and do what you need to do. I completely agree with all of your current suggestions. --High Gen. Meganew (Stuff I've Done) (Chat With Me) (Get an Award!) FORCES ENLIST MUN 16:56, November 12, 2010 (UTC)

A bit off...

I modified the ranks. You are now a Sergeant. The rank was formerly Private. --High Gen. Meganew (Stuff I've Done) (Chat With Me) (Get an Award!) FORCES ENLIST MUN 18:16, November 12, 2010 (UTC)

Ok thanks. -- 20:35, November 12, 2010 (UTC)

Hello Sarge, thanks for the Judging template for the Turkey thing. I like it! Only one other person has given me a template before. I'll put it on my "Stuff" page after the contest. I'll take bribes, what about you? Nice ones too. Aleister 9:32 14 11

Might want to update the template to say "...In Nov 2010 competition" or something along these lines. ~ 09:42, November 14, 2010 (UTC)

To Aleister: I'm glad you like it! And yes, I love bribes! And good ones at that.... To Mordillo: Ok sounds good. I'll change it. -- 14:13, November 14, 2010 (UTC)

An idea...

To build our ranks up once again, I need you to do something for me. Make up a list of 20 users you think would be good for the Grue Army, and post it on my talk page. I'll whittle the list down to ten and give the remaining ones invites. With luck, we should double our active ranks. --High Gen. Meganew (Stuff I've Done) (Chat With Me) (Get an Award!) FORCES ENLIST MUN 14:16, November 14, 2010 (UTC)

AHA! Sounds great! I'll have that list ready soon. -- 14:21, November 14, 2010 (UTC)

Excellent. --High Gen. Meganew (Stuff I've Done) (Chat With Me) (Get an Award!) FORCES ENLIST MUN 18:59, November 14, 2010 (UTC)

GRRRRRRRRR!

WHY DOES NOTHING EVER FUCKING HAPPEN AT ONE TWENTEY SIX IN THE MORING AROUND HERE?!? God-damn, I'm going to bed.... -- 06:28, November 15, 2010 (UTC)

*points and laughs* 184.96.0.140 06:47, November 15, 2010 (UTC)

Send invites to these people...

1. Ask THEDUDEMAN if he wants to renew his membership. His apparent inactivity is why I removed him. If he agrees, then I'll add him again.

   Lyrithya. He's an excellent user and could be a vital addition to our group.

   Luvvy. We could use a girl, and an excellent user of one at that.

   SPIKE. If what you say is true, we could boost anti-crap abilities by around 50%.

   HELPME. A decent user in the way of anti-vandal work.

   The Woodburninator. He's an excellent user, both for QVFDing and reverting.

   PuppyOnTheRadio. Good and useful user.

   Sycamore, simply because his poopsmith work would really drive him up the ranks.

   Black flamingo11. His contributions are excellent.

I'll give you the last one later. --High Gen. Meganew (Stuff I've Done) (Chat With Me) (Get an Award!) FORCES ENLIST MUN 23:46, November 15, 2010 (UTC)

Ok I will. Thanks. -- 00:35, November 16, 2010 (UTC)

The remaining 2(as THEDUEMAN would be returning) are JebusCryst and Rcmurphy. if you want, you have my authorization to send invites to the others I didn't choose. --High Gen. Meganew (Stuff I've Done) (Chat With Me) (Get an Award!) FORCES ENLIST MUN 01:47, November 16, 2010 (UTC)

Ok I'll send them invites. I'm not shure whether I'll invite any others you didn't choose, but I might, we'll have to see.... -- 01:51, November 16, 2010 (UTC)

Read All About It!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Sucking Journalism's Fat Wang. Badly.

Nov 18th, 2010 • Issue 95 • The Newspaper that won't leave you the same way she/he did!

Wanna cyb3r? By Chief Hailed by some as the final solution to the Uncyclopedia problem and others as a wretched hive of scum and villainy, the Uncyclopedia IRC channel has chugged along for almost the same amount of time Uncyclopedia itself has. We here at the UnSignpost have literally hundreds of stories to sort through every week and we have picked IRC for a reason, and not just because it is easy to spell. We chose it because the Uncyclopedia IRC is a community and often contains users who are never on the site (because they are lazy and idle), equally many users who frequent the site do not enter IRC (because they are idle and lazy), and those who do often prefer to do so in disguise. This is a disgrace, don't ask why, it just is. Our intrepid reporters have spent literally minutes on IRC this week in order to bring news of it to you, the uneducated and unwashed masses and to try and encourage you to make use of it. Whatever you want to use it for: reporting vandals, penis jokes, collaboration, penis jokes and incoherent babbling; IRC is there for you. It is also a way to get to know the dull uninteresting personalities behind the exciting usernames, but don't let that put you off. When our intrepid reporter delved into the IRC community and asked the first person breathing in and out for a quote about IRC they told us "..." which should certainly give you food for thought. If you have some time on your hands then why not learn how to windsurf? But if you are too idle and lazy then why not head on over to IRC and see the magic happening for yourself? I would and if I would it must be a good idea. Balls up! By Chief The stage is seated, the judges are set and the competitors are questionable in number, yes The Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball is almost upon us. The competition opens this Friday and entries will be accepted until December the 3rd which is... a little while after that. Our hard-hitting journalists will be present at the competition and will be speaking to entrants and judges alike over the next few weeks. Just think; if you take part your name could be in italic font in the UnSignpost! Think about how envious your friends and family will be! Remember, it begins on the 19th of November and we want to see blood! We need you! Shameless pleading by: ChiefjusticeDS The UnSignpost is like an office printer, in that it constantly breaks down, sometimes doesn't work for months at a time and occasionally spews out some slightly smudged pages. If you think you have something to bring to the UnSignpost be it your journalistic talent, ideas for stories or even just a warm and reassuring slap in the face, feel free to drop us a line in the press room. Also Meganew wanted us to mention the Grue Army in the UnSignpost, so we have.

Check out these pages! We're the worst in another way! Why?:Not Vote now! It's not as bad as you think! From our logs: 05:54, November 14, 2010 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked POPEYE FUCK U UP (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (1) You suck. 2) Stop sucking.) 06:10, November 17, 2010 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked Frozen Korpse (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Yes, Mordillo is the worst. That's no reason to be rude.) 17:01, November 12, 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 204.109.64.2 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (I'll have some gay porn if you're going to the shop) 3:32, November 14, 2010 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked 92.0.147.7 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 year ‎ (I'M HAVING A FRIENDSHIP ANEURYSM) Biopic of the Week Know who it is yet? Know what time they were last here? No? Then you should probably be able to guess that this week we are looking at Aleister in Chains. Al has been hanging around Uncyclopedia for just under a year now, and in that time has picked up 25 feature credits and has earned the eternal hatred of many for his enduring good humour and incredibly annoying signature timestamps. If Aleister hasn't been responsible for a single one of your chuckles over the last year then you need to start reading some of his articles, that or cancel your afternoon appointments as you have died and failed to notice. I wouldn't recommend you post on his talk page or look at his user page as they are both just plain weird, offer respect, but don't doff your helm, you never know what might end up in it. Overlooked Page of the Week Things to do. Easing the pain in your pants since 2007. Newsroom UnTune of the week The Uncyclopedian's song

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

--ChiefjusticePS3 14:21, November 18, 2010 (UTC)

Formatting, pee review, and the 18 basic flavours of pie

Hi. I'm here to complain about your paragraphing. But first, you should know that I'm selling these fine 18-flavoured pies. They are very nice pies, you know. Very, very nice pies, of the sort of quality you would not normally expect to see, in fact. Interested? Also, the review you did recently was quite the improvement over the previous one. It had one rather annoying quality, however, but aside from that was fairly decent. This vanilla pie, on the other hand, actually tastes kind of weird, you know? I mean, I'm completely overdoing this analogy and the pie has nothing to do with anything, but I'm actually not nearly as good at writing walls of text as I ought to be, so I had resorting to pie. But now I give up, because I just do not have the words to sustain it.

Anyway, my point is, you've done much better this time with your review. Well done. Still could expand more, and it would help to actually make suggestions as to how to fix stuff besides just what needs the fixing, but that should come with practice. Do keep reviewing - you are already doing well and have much potential.

There lies an issue, however, with your formatting and organisation. I'm no saint at not rambling myself, but could you just please, please, for the love of all things shiny, please break up your main points and their elaborations into separate paragraphs instead of having a giant wall of text, in the future? It will probably make everyone involved a whole lot happier.

Also, mustard pie just seems wrong. ~ *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20101119 - 02:36 (UTC)

I'll take that pie, that pie, and that pie. Oh and thank you! I will do that. -- 02:41, November 19, 2010 (UTC)

On behalf of all things shiny, I thank you for your consideration. ~ *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20101119 - 02:59 (UTC)

Ohh! Shiny! -- 03:01, November 19, 2010 (UTC)

Diary of a wimpy kid on VFD

You check the age of an article by clicking on the history tab at the top. Which you should do anyway, because one of the rules for nominating to VFD is to go back in the history and see if the things you object to are a result of vandalism, and if there was a better version at some point in the past. Spıke ¬ 01:40 23-Nov-10

Thank you very much. Actually I did check the history, I guess I must've missed it. -- 14:22, November 23, 2010 (UTC)

I need to talk to you...

on IRC. go to this page and type in a username, the channel (#gruearmy), and the captcha. We need to discuss some Grue Army matters outside of plain sight.

And no, you haven't done anything wrong. --High Gen. Meganew (Stuff I've Done) (Chat With Me) (Get an Award!) FORCES ENLIST MUN 21:31, November 23, 2010 (UTC)

Um how do you use IRC? -- 02:34, November 24, 2010 (UTC)

I think I explained it above. Click on the link and type in your username in the top box that says "nickname", the channel "#gruearmy" in the box below that, then type the answer to the captcha and click connect. It's pretty easy. --High Gen. Meganew (Stuff I've Done) (Chat With Me) (Get an Award!) FORCES ENLIST MUN 15:01, November 24, 2010 (UTC)

Ya but how do you talk to people on it? Like after you sign in what do you do? -- 15:20, November 24, 2010 (UTC)

Here's what we'll do. You get on it, and I'll explain it to you there. Is that okay? --High Gen. Meganew (Stuff I've Done) (Chat With Me) (Get an Award!) FORCES ENLIST MUN 15:43, November 24, 2010 (UTC)

Ok let's get on now. -- 15:44, November 24, 2010 (UTC)

Actually the link seems to be broken. -- 15:49, November 24, 2010 (UTC)

That's weird... It seems to be working. You just click it and do what I said to do above. High Gen. Meganew (Stuff I've Done) (Chat With Me) (Get an Award!) FORCES ENLIST MUN 15:52, November 24, 2010 (UTC)

Ok it's working now. Let's get on. -- 16:01, November 24, 2010 (UTC)

Your items have been processed.

1 Glock 81 in .38 Special

1 Glock 81 in 9mm Parabellum

1 Flaregun

Thank you for your purchases. High Gen. Meganew (Stuff I've Done) (Chat With Me) (Get an Award!) FORCES ENLIST MUN 17:53, November 24, 2010 (UTC)

No, thank you! -- 17:59, November 24, 2010 (UTC)

Reason being? --High Gen. Meganew (Stuff I've Done) (Chat With Me) (Get an Award!) FORCES ENLIST MUN 18:46, November 24, 2010 (UTC)

The reason that I thanked you? No reason. -- 18:50, November 24, 2010 (UTC)

Run for your lives! It's another UnSignpost.

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Better sign it.

Nov 25th, 2010 • Issue 96 • Putting the period in periodical!

Jimbo, Whales & The Worst 100 By Him again Those of you who regularly sit and stare at recent changes may well have seen a lot of tomfoolery with the site notice this week (that banner at the top which you dismissed two seconds after logging in). The reason for this is that somebody noticed that we are supposed to be a parody of Wikipedia and suggested we come up with something to parody Jimbo Wales' appeal. Zombiebaron duly obliged, then Lyrithya obliged too, then Olipro edited some code and the site notice you see today, or don't see, as the case may be, was created. Well done, them. Honestly, we have nothing bad to say about it. Except that I hate it as I do most things that come about through a process of honest endeavour. For those of you who didn't know, Jimbo does have an account on Uncyclopedia, an account he never uses, in rather the same way that I have a membership to a gym; I need one to be cool and so I have somewhere to hide when the black helicopters inevitably come for me. Jimbo is of course the co-founder of Wikia, which is rather like having helped build the Death Star except with less space and more super-lasers capable of destroying planets. Unfortunately, we haven't written a parody of the appeal yet. Well, we have, it just isn't very good. The team at the UnSignpost read both and after the laughter had died down we had a look at the Uncyclopedia one.... yeah.... but have our assurance, Uncyclopedia is working on improving it, and how could you doubt the people who brought you classics like Fisher Price and AAAAAAAAA!? The other item of news we have this week is that the reflections on this year are woefully lacking. Hurtling as we are towards the new year and the annual Cabal broadcast, you may want to consider adding an entry to the list in order that the administrators can sleep soundly at night. We refuse to believe that nothing of note has happened over the last couple of months because we've been here and can attest that something has happened every day. So get over there and do the editing, we'll be right behind you. Voting heats up By Chief The "of the Month" awards are in something of a state of flux at the moment as voters and nominators become increasingly unwilling to vote (or care) in some cases and more willing in others. "It's a sad indictment of the way we live," lamented Socky when our reporter spoke to him, though he did say some other things once we asked him some questions. This month on the Uncyclopedian of the Month award, Lyrithya has stormed ahead of competition, running up 16 votes at the time of going to press; we would say she was miles ahead of her opposition, but since she nominated both of them and voted for one of them we don't think she deserves it. When asked to comment, Lyrithya had this to say: "I hate you all". Meanwhile over on Writer of the Month, Romartus leads SPIKE by 7 votes. Neither of them were available to provide us with a quote, probably because we forgot to ask, but we took some of the things they said on the award page and through creative journalism summed up their thoughts: "This... is... my... award" is what Romartus said, though he may have said those words in a different order... and as part of different sentences. SPIKE just said "Yay," which was lovely. Things are far more exciting over on Noob of the Month where mega-noob rcmurphy and regular noob Putthatknifedown are neck and neck with 5 votes each. Things are of course far less exciting in the land of the other awards: Author of the Month is a gripping contest as gentile Uncyclopedian and former UnSignpost editor Under user trudges towards the finish line arm in arm with gentile Uncyclopedian and former UnSignpost editor Mhaille (he wrote a couple of lines for us once and they were amazing). Potatochopper of the month is also a rather subdued affair with nobody getting any votes, despite two people being nominated. Finally Reviewer of the Month has no nominations and thus, surprisingly, no votes so far this month. Why is this? We at the UnSignpost asked Uncyclopedia's dictator in-chief Mordillo what he thought; he agreed to consider the question after a stiff drink. We can only assume it was a strong one as we didn't hear back from him for 3 days. When he came back, he declared, "Uncyclopedia - UNITE! GO OUT TO THE STREETS AND DEMAND MORE BLONDES FOR ALL! MORE WELL SHAPED BLONDES FOR ALL! MORE THREESOMES WITH JEWS! and vote for NotM and RotM right? Trust us, we are the cabal, we know best". As Mordillo was being sedated, Socky bravely stepped in to fill his trousers and surprised everyone by saying "My thoughts on awards are that we should have a lot more of them and we should be a lot less serious about them. We could be having fun instead of worrying about drama. Voting will only lead to good results when not subjugated to logic." Socky went on to lay down his plans for ruling Uncyclopedia and restoring Germany to a dominant position in Europe; he left our interview early to annex Czechoslovakia, so thankfully we cannot bring you anything else from him this week. There is a point here, does Uncyclopedia need more awards? Or does it just need more contributors? All we know for sure is that you need to start voting NOW! Or tomorrow if you're a bit busy at the moment. Chief learns Latin; talks about lorums By Socky See {{lorum}} for a full transcript of his Latin writings.

Check out these pages! Mail Order Lobster When's your birthday? A surveillance camera!? From our logs: 13:58, November 21, 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 24.112.195.238 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (Enough time for you to go and have a bit pot of warm penises, just like you love them) 15:52, November 19, 2010 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 75.126.123.197 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (You suck at vandalism. You should probably try your hand at cooking or painting or something instead.) 14:40, November 18, 2010 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked 212.120.230.138 (Talk) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (I dunno - you expose a paedo, then it's you who gets in toruble. Fuckin' liberals, eh?) Biopic of the Week Prowling the corridors of UnNews and VFD, SPIKE has earned the respect of his peers through a combination of three things: Hard work, immaculate record keeping and... hard work. SPIKE is often to be found speaking into a microphone for UnNews, saving condemned articles on VFD and generally trying to make the site a better place. While he may not have as many features as some people, he makes up for it through a huge amount of work; his userpage is a comprehensive list of achievements, good deeds and a lot of other information that you probably don't need but he is prepared to give at no extra charge. I need all of it, of course, as I am building a database which I plan to flog to a corporation at some stage. If you contributed anything to UnNews or nominated an article for VFD this year then this man likely got involved at some stage. Respect him and get back to work. Old-school featured article of the week Are you tired of being a small cog in the giant machine of what is, for all intents and purposes, an infinite and uncaring universe? Of course, we all are! "But how do I, a mere newborn babe/small child/university student/accountant/elderly person just steps away from death's door, whose gaping maw is opened wide in anticipation of my ethereal etherealness, the insignificant mote of dust that is me, passing through its opening en route to what will surely be a depressing and disappointing eternity, attain oneness with the universe today?" you ask. How? Here's how. Newsroom UnTune of the week Stalker An UnSignpost apology As you know, we at the UnSignpost make few mistakes, but it has been brought to our attention that we misquoted Mordillo and made him look like a bit of a weirdo in the story to the left; this is highly regrettable and we enclose his full quote here by way of apology. "the ongoing voting trend that is directed at obvious targets such as WotM and UotM are a cardinal warning sign that Uncyclopedia is not only the worst, it keeps deteriorating. How else would you define a community that is centered on awarding its writers and goody two shoes? What about young new fresh people that are hopefully insatiable redheads with abnormal fondness of threesomes with Jews and MORE blondes? What about the people who take the substandard manure that the above said writers produce and fit them into shape?! Are we all doomed to be old shapeless writers? Will Uncyclopedia become like Europe - ageing, overweight and smug? Where are all the young willing blondes amongst the population?!" Editors note: Mordillo then went on to say the bit our journalist was awake for in the interview. The UnSignpost bitterly regrets having him sedated against his will due to this misunderstanding. We will be sending a fruit basket round to him as soon as his screams of anguish as the doctor inserted the needle stop being quite so funny.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20101125 - 00:59 (UTC)

The Great Bunny War

As Aleister notes, this is a wiki and you don't have to ask permission (I didn't!) before jumping in. But what you should do is use moderation before synchronizing on VFD. It's not a free-wheeling discussion forum, like the Forum. Last Christmas, we had real drama flare up on VFD, regarding an author defending his article; that, and large animated GIFs, have resulted in bans.

As you are messaging Aleister rather than all voters, a better place to coordinate strategy is on User talk:Aleister in Chains, where the bottom section is already about this article, or of course on Talk:The Great Bunny War. Aleister, who is watching the article, is automatically watching the article's talk page. Cheers. Spıke ¬ 16:29 25-Nov-10

Ok, sorry. -- 18:16, November 25, 2010 (UTC)

No harm done! (As, no one banned you!) Spıke ¬ 18:17 25-Nov-10

Sigh! more protocol: No one deletes stuff from VFD. It may be embarrassing, but a Poopsmith has to close this out (and remove {{VFD}} from the article). Part of the general rule that you can strike through your words but you cannot unsay them. Again, no harm done. Spıke ¬ 20:21 25-Nov-10

Hello, Bunny fan! I've shifted some of your edits, and want to explain. The tea party thing just didn't seem to fit, imnho, and bumped right into the lead which creates the storyline of a page (the first line should, I think, always sum up so much of the page that it's like a summary, like in a news story). Collab's, like the Colonization, will have several people thinking as one at some points and giving their own special talent at others. It's like a dance in a way, but with everyone leading at one time or another, thus building upon their fellow memebers. To delete pics and shift storylines drastically takes the page by surprise, which isn't bad in some cases but expect to get notes like this about them, esp. if users are really interested in the page (this one, I'm meh on, but, for example, on the Colonization it's best to claim a section and then work that one section to perfection.) Long note, so will stop right h Aleister 2:51 26 11

Look

Before you revert, dear. Among other things, just check if they actually need doing - just like there's no point adding already banned stuff to ban patrol, little point reverting something that is not vandalism, or that is the opposite, say, a spambox reset. ~ *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20101125 - 20:28 (UTC)

*Sigh* I think I'm gonna stop doing things for a while. Or at least untill I grow a brain... *Mummbles, runs hand through hair, & wanders off* -- 20:32, November 25, 2010 (UTC)

Eh, don't stop, necessarily. Just be careful, please. ~ *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20101125 - 21:58 (UTC)

No, at this point, I think he's got to go ask for temporary Admin power, and then ban himself for ten minutes. (Insert emoticon here.) Spıke ¬ 22:36 25-Nov-10

Eh? ~ *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20101125 - 22:43 (UTC)

Lol wut? -- 00:50, November 26, 2010 (UTC)

"Insert emoticon here" means "I'm not serious." He really doesn't have to ban himself. Spıke ¬ 01:22 26-Nov-10

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! -- 01:26, November 26, 2010 (UTC)

Glad you'll be able to get some sleep tonight Spıke ¬ 01:29 26-Nov-10

Ya I know, I was just waiting by the computer, hair out, waiting to find out. -- 01:31, November 26, 2010 (UTC)

Oh, so that means I shouldn't get someone to ban him, after all? Dang... ~ *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20101126 - 01:50 (UTC)

No please don't. -- 01:56, November 26, 2010 (UTC)

Since I wouldn't have any actual reason, they wouldn't oblige anyway... at least, I sure hope they wouldn't... o_O ~ *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20101126 - 01:59 (UTC)

No, that would be bad. -- 02:00, November 26, 2010 (UTC)

Quite. Although knowing some of them... *shakes head bemusedly* ~ *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20101126 - 02:07 (UTC)

Wait, you don't mean... -- 02:08, November 26, 2010 (UTC)

I don't mean a thing.

However, I do have something else to say to you - a couple of things when welcoming people:

• Could you please use edit summaries? It just... looks better when you say something like 'welcome' or some such instead of the AES created page with... {{codey stuff}} etc. .
• You really should use a timestamp so people know when you welcomed the thing, and let's face it: as a person welcoming, you should set a good example, and stuff.
• You need to subst the {{BASEPAGENAME}} and {{PAGENAME}}s or it, 1, looks very templatey and less friendly when editing later, and 2, breaks some of the links. See how the {{welcome}} does it for a good example.
• It also looks like you are simply copying your welcome template in - if indeed you are, why do you not {{subst:your template}}? That's how the {{welcome}} is used, and might simplify things... and if you aren't, nevermind.
• This is less of an issue, but your choice of font colours is a little light - making it darker would make the message easier to read for some folks, you know?
• Also, apparently you smell bad. Or something. I dunno. ~ *shifty eyes* (talk) • (stalk) -- 20101126 - 05:24 (UTC)

Ok thanks. -- 19:55, November 26, 2010 (UTC)

Another thing - the paste the article name into the search and hitting 'go' bit, if the article does not exist, it defaults to search, anyway. ~ *shifty eyes* (talk) • (stalk) -- 20101126 - 22:25 (UTC)

Not if you put User:<insert name here>/ before the article name. Try it. -- 22:31, November 26, 2010 (UTC)

I did; that's what I'm basing this on. Perhaps our settings are different, then... hmm. ~ *shifty eyes* (talk) • (stalk) -- 20101126 - 22:36 (UTC)

Perhaps... Or maybe you're an imposter! -- 22:38, November 26, 2010 (UTC)

Don't make me make another sockpuppet just to see what the default is... I'm starting to get tired of Zombiebaron calling me 'sock a noob'. ~ *shifty eyes* (talk) • (stalk) -- 20101126 - 22:45 (UTC)

Ok I won't. Not... -- 22:48, November 26, 2010 (UTC)

Edit summaries!

Have you actually looked at what your welcoming looks like on recent changes? Please, please please, for the love of all things shiny, put something in the edit summary. Even a '.' would be enough; that's what Sycamore does, after all, and it works just fine... see, it prevents the pastedness from showing up in the automatic summary. Agh. ~ *shifty eyes* (talk) • (stalk) -- 20101127 - 00:18 (UTC)

Oh my god! Fuck me! I'm so so so so so so so so sorry! I forgot! Please forgive me! Please? *Sobs* -- 00:26, November 27, 2010 (UTC)

Love, you do realise you're welcoming people, right? This is more about them than it is us... ~ *shifty eyes* (talk) • (stalk) -- 20101127 - 00:53 (UTC)

Um.. Ya... -- 00:55, November 27, 2010 (UTC)

I was wondering after a couple of yours... anyhow, thank you for your subsequent consideration. ~ *shifty eyes* (talk) • (stalk) -- 20101127 - 01:15 (UTC)

You're very welcome. -- 02:00, November 27, 2010 (UTC)

If only you could maintain the standard... anyway, nicely done, welcoming a Sock alock alock... careful, mon. Careful. ~ *shifty eyes* (talk) • (stalk) -- 20101127 - 02:49 (UTC)

I noticed that too. But I checked his/her contributions, and nothing was out of the ordinary. So I said "what the heck?". -- 03:34, November 27, 2010 (UTC)

Could have checked ban patrol, too, not that that's a thing that one would generally think of. Meh. Good that you're paying attention, at any rate. ~ *shifty eyes* (talk) • (stalk) -- 20101127 - 03:40 (UTC)

... -- 18:28, November 27, 2010 (UTC)

What? You could have. I probably wouldn't have, either, but... ~ *shifty eyes* (talk) • (stalk) -- 20101127 - 18:31 (UTC)

o_O -- 18:33, November 27, 2010 (UTC)

*huggles Magic man* You're adorable. You know that, right? ~ *shifty eyes* (talk) • (stalk) -- 20101127 - 18:46 (UTC)

*Beams* -- 18:46, November 27, 2010 (UTC)

Carmen on VFD

Further to my vote to keep Carmen: Keep in mind that there are many different types of humor actively pursued on Uncyclopedia. An article that, unfortunately, declared that it was factual (though it wasn't), and read as though it were factual, was using that as its basis in humor. Compare the Authorized Biography of "P.D.Q. Bach" (supposedly Johann Sebastian's forgotten younger brother). This paperback reads like a scholarly paper, unless you really pay attention, in which case everything is crap and much of it is puns. This is also the basis behind a lot of stories on UnNews: It looks so real that you don't know you're reading a gag until it finally hits you. So take a second look at what the author is doing before you conclude that he isn't doing anything! Cheers. Spıke ¬ 17:11 30-Nov-10

I understand this, but... I still think this article is crap. -- 17:24, November 30, 2010 (UTC)

Okay. Spıke ¬ 17:29 30-Nov-10

Oh, and yes I was kidding about it being factual. -- 17:30, November 30, 2010 (UTC)

A few things. A great article which pretended to be factual is here, one of my top three favorites on Uncy before and after edits added. Secondily, a whore for a reading of my VFH nom, which has sat at 8 votes for over a week and is given sad-doggy eyes at the other noms. Just a reading, if you haven't seen it. If you have, please ignore this message. Or ignore it anyway. Thirdly, are you still working your Magic on The Great Bunny War? After a break from it for a few days I'm tempted to add stuff, but not immediately. Thanks, Aleister 19:34 30 11

You're allowed to be wrong; but you ought not kid on VFD--such as say someone else's work is "too factual," if you don't believe it, by way of proposing to delete his work. Separately, on Evil Pizza, when I wrote "Scary, isn't it." that's a quote from a caption in the article. Spıke ¬ 19:40 30-Nov-10

Wow! I don't know how I never saw those last two messages. I'm sorry Aleister. --Magic Snow man ☃ 04:38, December 15, 2010 (UTC)

Hi.

You booked a review two days ago, said you'd have it done in one. If you're not planning to do it, you should probably give mention and cancel the booking. ~ *shifty eyes* (talk) • (stalk) -- 20101130 - 18:26 (UTC)

I thought I still had time. I'll get right to it. Sorry. -- 20:25, November 30, 2010 (UTC)

I also have no idea what I'm talking about, nor any idea what day it is... I am so sorry about that; you're fine. At least, I think you are. Just don't leave it for, say, a week or something. Although the thing does say something about doing them in 24 hours... er... did I mention I have no idea what I'm talking about? I'll just leave. Now. Yes. *sidles out* ~ *shifty eyes* (talk) • (stalk) -- 20101130 - 23:11 (UTC)

Don't you love the smell of the UnSignpost in the morning?

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Won't Judge You!

Dec 2nd, 2010 • Issue 97 • STOP! UnSignpost time!

UFFL Week 12 Update By CheddarBBQ Now that it is so far into the season that everyone not involved with the Uncyclopedia Fantasy Football League, as well as many that are involved, could not possibly care, what better time for an update? After eleven gruelling weeks, it seems that on top is the one and only Doritians, Take II, with an impressive W-L-T of 9-2-0 and a current six-game win-streak. They are also the only team to currently have a clinched playoff spot. For those not aware, the Doritians, Take II are the follow-up to Cheddar's Doritians last year: an Eagles-based team that performed, to put it frankly, shittily. When asked to comment about his surprising victory, Mr. Cheddar claimed, "GET RAPED SON." Elsewhere in the league, there is currently a tight race for 2nd between the Oklahoma Boomers (who are currently in first point-wise and have the season record for highest score in a game with 168.14 points), The DC RacialSlurs, The Dudes, and Lepus Muerte. The real secondary story revolves around league commissioner and possible Nazi-supporter Rosenkrantzenpants. While last year, the German team took the overall victory with quite ease, this year's team is not so magnificent. After many losing streaks and strokes and bad luck, Rosenkrantzenpants has barely been able to pull itself past an even Win-Lose ratio. However, despite a poor record, he maintains 4th place point-wise. The Well-Dressed Pickles again still have yet to win, most likely due to having six of the worst players in the league (two of which are out for the the season) and a refusal to edit the line-up. The Bearasorta Vikings aren't doing much better. Also, you should watch The League on FX. It's a damn funny show. Aristocrat's Update By ChiefjusticeDS The Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball rumbles on, and as the closing date looms like a fat man over a large cake, the question on everyone's lips is "What's the Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball?". In case you have recently returned from an Uncyclopedia hiatus or have been hiking through the Amazon Delta wearing nothing but a pair of slippers, I will explain once again: the ATDB is a festival of frivolity and bad taste, highlighting all those fine, fine contributions we never want to see featured. The UnSignpost sat down with competition judge Lyrithya to find out what, if anything, there was to know. "I would like people to stop asking me for help," Lyrithya moaned before our journalist could open his mouth, "Two people have so far already" The UnSignpost infers from this that the competition is truly a desperate one this year; some entrants have clearly been pushed to the limits of their sanity and have begun searching Uncyclopedia's back alleys for writing tips. To round off our interview we asked Lyrithya who she thought would win. "That guy," she said emphatically, indicating a nearby vending machine, "His article is excellent." Whose article she really means shall remain a mystery until the results become known on December 10th. The competition closes for judging this Friday at 00:00 GMT, so if you want to enter, you need to do so soon. The UnSignpost will be there to bring you the results when the judging has happened unless something more exciting happens. Unlikely, but we live in hope. The Grue Army By Meganew For almost a year, most of our classic usergroups remained in pieces. Groups like the Uncyclopedian Forces, the UnAnarchist Party, the UnFire Department, and yes, even the Grue Apocalypse. The economy also dramatically collapsed, with commerce reaching an all-time low. However, one group stands out among all: the Grue Army. After their leader High Gen. Grue went AWOL, the once-proud Grue Army was left belly-up with only 4 of the original members still in. The decision to revive the group was made and Meganew has been seen wearing Patton-esque General's clothing ever since. Some newer users had joined up with the group already, but it wasn't enough to equal a full-scale revival. Therefore, the leaders decided on an unusual plan of action: pick who they thought would be the 10 best candidates for the group. After some of the candidates decided not to join, the plan was expanded to all of the twenty users originally selected. Some have responded and have become active Grue Army members, deep in-the-cave reserve members, and allies. Some people have questioned the need for another group of people who don't do much, but are happy to tell others what to do, as we already have site admins for just such a job. This has been a shameless advertising promotion from the Grue Army, Join Today!!!

Check out these pages! Fap fap fap!! Celebrate Mediocrity!!!!!!!!! Ever get that "not so fresh" feeling? From our logs: 05:45, 25 Novemver, 2010 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked ISLAM WILL DESTROY YOU IMPERIALIST SWINE LIKE DUNG (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (ZOMBIEBARON WILL DESTROY YOU ISLAMIST FANATICS LIKE DUNG) 06:27, 24 November, 2010 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked I will blank a userpage (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (cute) 07:42, November 28, 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 99.35.10.15 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Such spirited hi-jinks and individuality.... I MUST DESTROY) 17:33, November 30, 2010 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked 208.77.131.29 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Here's yet another reason for you to hate Jews) 21:01, November 30, 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Avianion (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (cyberbullying. also, coming from Halifax, which should have some kind of law against it.) Biopic of the Week It seems only proper that this week as we pass the 5th anniversary of its featuring, the UnSignpost should take a look at perhaps the biggest in-joke Uncyclopedia has ever seen: Euroipods. For those who don't know, Euroipods was intended to parody the marketing campaign for www.euroipods.com, which ran from mid to late 2005. However, despite the effort, detail and effort that went into creating the article, some users couldn't understand what all the laughter was about. Stories of the clashes on the talk page of Euroipods are still told whenever veteran Uncyclopedians gather round a modem to compete in tales of blood-chilling terror. The article spawned several spin-off articles, since creativity is next to regular bathing on the list of things Uncyclopedians will avoid if at all possible. All hail Euroipods, may it stand forever as proof of our commitment to being the worst. Old-school featured article of the week Mozilla Firefox is a famous magical girl of the 21st century, seen by many Europeans (even though she's technically a United Statesian) as the Western answer to Japan's infamous "Project Sailor Moon". She is a direct descendant of the legendary Maozilla and a daughter of now-deceased Mozilla Suite. Mozilla is therefore a last name, but is written first to make fun of the Japanese. Firefox's goal is to reclaim a vital artifact lost for humanity a hundred generations ago in Browser Wars: the Interweb, a huge web embedded in the surface and atmosphere of the planet Earth. Her arch enemy is the Interweb Exploder, a giant monster that repeatedly tries to blow up the Interweb, without much success, and zombifies people that connect their computers to it. Both Firefox and the Exploder are web browsers: their duty is to patrol controlled areas of the Interweb and fight minor saboteurs and wreckers. Newsroom UnTune of the week Playing with myself

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

-- 05:37, December 2, 2010 (UTC)

Fuck...

I just relized I may or may not be able to get on tomorow or the next day. And if I can it won't be for too long. And seing as I'm a judge for TATDB, that's bad. But don't worry anyone! I will judge, maybe just a little bit late. Sorry. -- 01:18, December 3, 2010 (UTC)

Do me a favor...

Ask these four users if they want to join the Grue Army. --High Gen. Meganew (Stuff I've Done) (Chat With Me) (Get an Award!) FORCES ENLIST MUN 03:15, December 5, 2010 (UTC)

Ok I will. -- 01:12, December 6, 2010 (UTC)

We is growing, "Viva La Resistance" Gen. Fudgem0bile When the bus driver gets off, who closes the doors? 01:17, December 6, 2010 (UTC)

Yay! Party at my place! -- 04:20, December 7, 2010 (UTC)

A review

So, as you may or may not have noticed, I reviewed your UnBook... I should apologise, however. Excuses fail me, but I really could not figure out what to say about the book, and discussing it on IRC perhaps made matters worse (that was how Zombiebaron got more involved than just the bit on IR), so when it came to actually writing the thing... eh. Sorry about the disorder of review, and the confrontational manner in which I wrote parts... perhaps I should leave the ones that have me at a loss to others in the future. 1234 ~ 21:23, 8 December, 2010

Oh, thanks. I didn't notice. I'll read it now. -- 02:43, December 9, 2010 (UTC)

'ello

Greepers to your holiday fun. I've come to whore a reading of the page that's just about to climb over the ledge at VFD, "Never on Sunday". As I whore this page which a For voter has literally prayed over, the joy of reading it may act as a Christmas gift to you and yours (please share it with all your family members, maybe by printing it out and sending it to them in a Christmas letter)! Thanks, and only act on it if you really do like it or detest it with all of your being and soul! What's the newest with you? I've been watching your work with the grue army as you repel the vandals and then give the people who are giving Uncy a bad time a bad time. You are doing the work of ten men. Iz true! Aleister 2:58 9 12

I will read the article. But I'm shure it will great (seing as you wrote it). And by the way, I really don't mind whoring of my talk page. I actually find it kinda fun. In fact Heres what I say: Any one who wants to whore a talk page, whore mine. I've never been banned for whoring a talk page. Have you? Dancing dude was once. But it wasn't really whoring, it was dancing. And I thought he shouldn't have been banned. Actually you know what we should do? We should start a petition on BHOP to get dancing dude back dancing again. Any way, Thanks! What's new with me? Hmm... Well after I'm done rewriting Unquotable:Quotes in AAAAA!, UnPoetia:Poems that don't rhyme, and UnBooks:Let's take a walk in the city! A childrens picture book, I'm gonna start making This article will NOT scare you in any way. I promise! into a real article. So um... Ya. -- 03:25, December 9, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks! By reading the article you will have major psychological trauma, and then you can use the angst created to hang out with emo girls who, feeling lonely, will give you some verrrryyyyy good memories. What happened to Dancing Dude? I haven't heard of the ban, was it for adding his dances to pages? His dances are great, and he, you, and M&M have brought some great gifs, dancing and otherwise, to the site. I must log off soon, but will read all of those pages you linked soon. And how long is Dancing Dude banned for? Aleister 3:30 9 12

He was banned for a day. That was last month. And yes it was for adding his dances to pages. That's why he hasn't been doing them lately. Because when Zombiebaron banned him he said he couldn't do them any more. Anyway, when I start that petition on BHOP I'll send it to you on your talk page. Then I might whore it a little... -- 03:39, December 9, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks

Thank you for voting for me for Useless Gobshite last month. Or was that the month before? I can't remember. Either way, though, it really means a lot, so again. Thank you. Have a line of madness, specially chosen for you, as a little keepsake:

“ Everything speaks to the imagination in the most brutal manner. ”

And now I'll spam up your talkpage with a hideously long signature in definite violation of UN:SIG. 'Cause I'm nice like that. 1234 ~ Major Pleb Sir Lyrithya • Athyria • Isarra • Haydrahlienne - 'Destroyer of the Wiki' - MUN OUN CUN KUN DUN GUN *shifty eyes* (zombiebaron) • (dr. skullthumper) • (roman dog bird) • (nachlader) • (frosty) • (more zombiebaron) • (talk) • (stalk) • (block) • (log) • (list) • WotM • UotM • RotM • PotM • UGotM x4 • SotM • FFS • NOM • MotM • BFF x2 • GSA x2 • PS • FiyC • MD • Top3 x3 • Top10 • VFH x15 • VFP x3.5 • HoS • TAW • HMC • PEEING • PRS • PC • URC • ΥΣΣ • IC • ZB -- 04:11, 9 December, 2010 (UTC)

You're very welcome! By the way, That sig is really redundant. So how does that whole annoying=long thing work? -- 04:14, December 9, 2010 (UTC)

In the case of that sig, it makes it really long and redundant. These signatures are templates, see. Can do all the crazy stuff as with any other templates; I have this one set to take an {{{annoying}}} parameter that if set to 'long' makes the template do something slightly different from the default. 1234 ~ 04:28, 9 December, 2010

Um... Ok. -- 05:09, December 9, 2010 (UTC)

But her long sig is full of quotes and things! I'm glad you liked Never on Sunday, thanks! I like it too. The thing about Dancing Dudes gif's are that some people think of them as spam. I like gifs, and it seems you like them too, yet they do break some computers and kick them out of the site, so logging back-in takes time. Maybe Dude can stick to writing a couple of dance related articles, and can fill them up with the gifs, or work gifs into already dance-laden pages. I didn't see the big deal in what's wrong with sharing one dance per user talk page, but that's me, as I don't see the big deal in many big deal things and see a big deal in many things others don't even think about. Thanks again, and rule three!!! Aleister 13:54 9 12

The UnSignpost, now with 25% less saturated fat

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Won't Tell Everyone That You Wet the Bed! Oops...

Dec 9th, 2010 • Issue 98 • Is that an UnSignpost in your pocket?

The UnSignpost Investigates: VFH By Chief If you have ever written an article on Uncyclopedia then the chances are you have run the gauntlet of Votes for Highlight at some point, which inevitably means you have experienced the helpful criticism, the less helpful criticism and the downright bizarre criticism. VFH is the most popular voting page on Uncyclopedia, and this week the UnSignpost is taking a closer look at the process that separates the wheat from the chaff, and the awkwardly feminine from the possibly Canadian. VFH has come under fire this week from an outgoing editor and we thought it would be unfair to dismiss his claims without properly investigating them, so we didn't and it was a great fun; we played badminton and then we went bowling. However, when Sycamore complained about recent trends on VFH, we decided to have a look. There is a serious point to be made here, with admins being told at least twice a week that both they and Uncyclopedia suck penises - is VFH not somewhere that should be more carefully regulated to prevent articles that are less than amusing being nominated? Or should users who are presently engaged in nominating idiotic pages for VFH be told to cut it out, or else? Discussions have taken place about scrapping voting altogether and having the admins run things or, as one bright-spark suggested: just get rid of against voting. VFH is not a machine in dire need of repair, however, but for many it does seem to be a flawed system that is entirely to blame for A wizard did it being featured. As a result of the above, the UnSignpost urges you to do two things: Vote on VFH; it needs your votes to work, as the name might suggest, and try to remember that while cocking about is fun, work is immeasurably more useful. Also, because the lead story this week has been very sombre and serious, we have attached a picture of a dog wearing a hat. Enjoy. Mince Pies, an editorial By Douchebag McSpackypants The Cabal Hey guys!!! This week I thought I would talk about something which is guaranteed to interest EVERYONE! My favourite food in the world: Mince Pies!!! OMG they are teh brillz0rz! (Internet slang; I'm hip!) I mean they don't even have MINCE in them! What's UP WITH THAT!? Here's how I began to find them totally lolicious and awesome!!!! It all started at last year's Christmas pa- Signal interrupted New message incoming There is no need to adjust your UnSignpost. Halt all subversive activity. Exits are not located to the rear. Rollback is not disabled. Expect no Christmas bonus. The Cabal is not addressing you from this periodical. It is not the Festive Season. Santa does not exist. Nothing you do matters. Our patience is not tried by your petty drama and hi-jinks. Contributions are not logged and examined. Addresses are not tracked and houses are not watched. Bans will not be imposed if you reject our reality. Abide citizens. Location scrambled. Message ends Signal re-established, original transmission resuming ... and that's when I threw up all over the dancing Elephant! See you next week!

Check out these pages! Muppets go back to the future Reskinapedia? A forum from 3 years ago The Aristocrats judging! From our logs: 04:46, December 7, 2010 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked AngieCrosby (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Spam spam eggs spam spam spam sausage spam spam and spam) 15:42, December 5, 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked SAMUDESU (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (na-na-na-nanana CUNTFACE!) 15:05, December 4, 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Redundantunderuserwithhisslutwifeandretardedchild (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (oh, the long winter hours must just fly past at your house.) 03:29, December 7, 2010 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 24.245.74.225 (Talk) with an expiry time of 5 hours (lol k c(-; (that's supposed to be a guy winking, smiling and sticking his tongue out FUCK YOU!!!!) Biopic of the Week Imagine, if you will, a drug fuelled after-party in a Special Needs home, then stop because it's time for biopic of the week! This week we have a splendid fellow, as we inevitably do; it's Count of Monkey Crisco! Heard of him? No? That's because he is busy working and not spending time coming up with new and inventive ways of wasting time in the Village Dump, like you. It may surprise you to learn that the Count (yes I must refer to him this way) is a former UotM, has four featured images and was the first man to scale Everest in a kayak... ok, we are exaggerating here; he only has two featured images. Nonetheless this man is the example of a good Uncyclopedian, hard working, quiet and modest. At least we assume he is modest; he hasn't ever done anything as awesome as I have, so we can't confirm it. So go on - investigate Uncyclopedia's very own man in black for yourself; he's er... Monkalicious. Old-school featured article of the week To Whom it May Concern On the 6th September 2006, I wrote this article, and I am yet to receive any feedback. I believe I expressed a number of real concerns which you have not yet addressed. In case my previous article was lost in the post, I will repeat my concerns here, and I trust that this article will reach you in good time. Source: Uncyclopedia complaints department, archive 4,978 Newsroom UnTune of the week Can't Be Blamed (For My Shitty Music)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

--ChiefjusticePS3 16:07, December 9, 2010 (UTC)

Instead of doing something productive...

I have come to demonstrate what a terrible mistake you made voting for me for UotM last month. Really, I do not understand what you possibly could have been thinking, but what is done is done, and now I suppose I should be gracious and attempt to thank you, or something. As I do not know how to be gracious, however, I will instead give you another carefully chosen line of Madness, for you to keep as your very own:

“ Solve the princess, save the mystery. ”

UotM needs more love this month, of course, but as I am indeed here to be a terribly useless lump, instead of imploring you to vote for a rather wonderful fellow who should have gotten it last month, I'll just end now and sign this with a signature that has, indeed, been confirmed to be... er, against policy, or something. 1234 ~ Major Pleb Sir Lyrithya • Athyria • Isarra • Haydrahlienne - 'Destroyer of the Wiki' - MUN OUN CUN KUN DUN GUN *shifty eyes* (zombiebaron) • (dr. skullthumper) • (roman dog bird) • (nachlader) • (frosty) • (more zombiebaron) • (talk) • (stalk) • (block) • (log) • (list) • WotM • UotM • RotM • PotM • UGotM x4 • SotM • FFS • NOM • MotM • BFF x2 • GSA x2 • PS • FiyC • MD • Top3 x3 • Top10 • VFH x15 • VFP x3.5 • HoS • TAW • HMC • PEEING • PRS • PC • URC • ΥΣΣ • IC • ZB -- 21:57, 9 December, 2010 (UTC)

Colonization

Puppy implied that I could drag you kicking and screaming into colonization. Once there, please be polite and edit with the caution reserved for when you catch the Homecoming Queen alone in a dark alley. Treat her with dignity, and lend her your coat afterwards to replace the torn dress. So, edit well and with the tools of the bards. Congrats! I'll go see if I can find that template again and put your name on there. Aleister 00:32 11 12

Ok, thanks. But what's Is this LOB, CPT, COM, RAD, iPAD, BAD thing? And how do I get a score? Tell me and I'll add my name to the big board. Again, thanks. --Magic Snow man ☃ 00:40, December 11, 2010 (UTC)

Oops! Never mind! --Magic Snow man ☃ 00:43, December 11, 2010 (UTC)

(edited conflicted) I have no freakin' idea what those letters mean. And I don't know the scoring system. And your name is already added, it's a template that only a few people can edit. OK, besides that, Yay!, you're finally on. Please read all the rules and guidelines and stuff, so that when we ban you and throw you out of Colonization, you will know why! All the remaining Colonizers are coming together for a party in your honor RIGHT NOW, and we are sure having fun. Wish you were here! Congrats again. Aleister 00:45 11 12

Wow thanks, a party all for me? I'm soo happy... --Magic Snow man ☃ 00:48, December 11, 2010 (UTC)

hmph

trying to get messages with threats? die! /blasts magic man with a shred beam --Poiz,Teh zork master!!! 12:59, December 11, 2010 (UTC)

What? Why? --Magic Snow man ☃ 21:43, December 11, 2010 (UTC)

Pee Review of Unquotable:Quotes in AAAAA!

If you don't like the information disclosed by a Pee Review, you are allowed to ask for another one. You ought not simply erase the reviewer's comments.

Separately, I agree with your reviewer (Orian57). Most of the humor in your article comes from the original article. Moreover, having an Uncyclopedia article about an Uncyclopedia article has to be very good to avoid the impression that it is not just Uncyclopedia taking itself too seriously. Spıke ¬ 21:40 13-Dec-10

Pee review

Hi Magic man, just a quick word; if you are unhappy with a review please do not simply delete another users work. However much the review helps you, someone has put time and effort in to try and help you out and we have a system for recognising that. If you are unhappy with a review resubmit and put "2nd opinion" in brackets after the article title. I hope this is clear. Thanks. --ChiefjusticePS3 21:49, December 13, 2010 (UTC)

No, like I said, I'm sorry. I acted unfairly. --Magic Snow man ☃ 22:41, December 13, 2010 (UTC)

Oh shit! It's another unsignpost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Won't Judge You!

Dec 16th, 2010 • Issue 99 • Now with 50% more Cheese News!!

Turkey Ball Anyone? By Chief As all great things must come to an end so must all fairly mediocre things, and this has certainly proved true for the Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball, which concluded last Thursday/Friday/Early Saturday morning. Unfortunately, all of our reporters were out watching Lord of the Dance or entertaining Monsignor Sandman when it was happening and we have no on the spot coverage or reporting whatsoever. However, we have once again stepped unto the breach in the name of journalism and have, at great personal risk, recovered the results from the competition page. This year the joint winners of the title category are: Socky for UnBooks:Fred and EMC for The Aristocraigslist. Socky's winning streak continued into the next category: "Best Bad Taste Article" where he and Zombiebaron's collaboration tied for first place with CheddarBBQ's slightly sickening entry: Uncle John's Fetus Burgers and Abortion Clinic. The "The Master Goa Tse Award for Digital Imagery" category was the only one that obliged us with a clear winner this year, and that winner was Bucknut4, with the loin-stirring image you see attached to this story. Of course everyone who took part in the competition is a winner... except the people who didn't win anything. The UnSignpost dropped round to Socky's house to find out how he felt about being the biggest Turkey of them all this year: "I'm really proud of winning twice" he told our reporter, banging his head on the toughened glass. "I'd like to throw a big party, but first I'll need to get rid of all the dead bodies...", which was a lovely thought. He also presented our reporter with this picture which, his doctor assured us, Socky had drawn himself. The non-existent Cabal would like to pass on its non-existent thanks to all entrants and judges of the competition and would like to make special mention of Mrthejazz, who narrowly missed out on victory in two categories; hopefully the suicide note, sleeping-pills and empty Whiskey bottles we found when we went round to his house mean he has just gone on holiday. Gayming? By Chief The Uncyclopedia game namespace came under fire this week as users began discussing whether the whole thing should be euthanized as part of Uncyclopedia's commitment to cutting internet congestion by 60% before the start of 2011. In order to get a handle on matters, the UnSignpost lured veteran Uncyclopedian Mhaille into an interview by convincing him there was cake hidden in our journalist's back pocket. Mhaille called the game namespace "A SHOCKING waste of server space and a section of the site seemingly inhabited by elves, dwarves, grues and Welshpeople". Is this a fair assessment of a namespace that has been around since 2006 or is this just the condemnation of a Bureaucrat engorged with spite at his continued lack of a salary? When asked if he would support deleting the namespace altogether, Mhaille said, "It should at least be hacked back to acceptable levels and filled with humour above that of a 14 year old D&D player". The debate on the game namespace is far from over, especially since a fair number of users haven't even realised it has started yet. Should we delete the namespace, or should we allow it to grow in whichever way the laws of nature allow? However with the game namespace regularly churning out classics like Grue Life and The Great Random Adventure of Awesomeness, it is clear to many that something should be done, even if it is only a jolly good chat in the Village Dump.

Check out these pages! Poo! Top my ten! From our logs: 10:13, December 14, 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Hellraiser123 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Dr UU's diagnosis: you appear to be suffering from being a twat syndrome. the cure for this is to ask someone to punch you in the face repeatedly, go try it, let me know how you get on.) 19:26, December 8, 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked DILLO LOVES TO SUCK CHIEFS DICK!! (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of indefinite‎ (If only..... Oh no, I meant to think that!) 16:40, December 8, 2010 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked OmarTheGay (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Recent surveys suggest you fall a long way short of even our standards) 05:28, December 13, 2010 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked I'm Going To Spit In Mordillo's Anus (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Congratulations!) Biopic of the Week This week we have selected someone we seem to have written about far too much in the last month or so: Funnybony. For those who don't know, Funnybony has penned more articles than you could possibly count, unless you can count up to 295. However, we have decided to try and talk about something else besides the massive number of articles he has written (several of which became featured). We also won't be mentioning his ability at potatochopping or his victory in Playwright of the Month in October, nor will we mention his general lack of anger and his fondness for sending people pictures instead of words. In fact this biopic will have very little to do with Funnybony at all; the UnSignpost apologises for this and promises that Biopic of the Week will return next week as normal. So everyone: be impressed with Funnybony, despite the fact you know almost nothing about him. Birthday of the Week UU, this very Thursday. (This in no way counts as vanity). Old-school FA; Orian57 return special! UnBooks:Daddy, There's a Zombie in the Garden UnScripts:Trapped at Sea LazyTown Snow White HowTo:Build the Perfect Sandcastle Why?:Is There a Moose On This Plane? Why?:Am I a Power Ranger? Why?:Don't You Get a Job? Sort-of-festive thing of the Week It's Uncle UU's second annual festive Mince Pie eating competition and ban patro-ho-ho-ho-l! Fun for all the family! Watch for updates over the next week or so.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

1234 ~ 05:24, 16 December 2010

Magic Man!!

I could hug you but then I'd be gay and would have to join the marching band!!!! I just saw your review of the locking horns with a goat thing, and I love that you liked the page so much. Thank you, and thanks for the unexpected review. And your comments helped, so I'll get right to the page and see if the things can be fixed. You found some mistakes or lack of things in there which need to be cleared up. It's like Christmas, although a week early, and no Santa but you instead. Thanks! Aleister 21:28 19 12

Wow... Um... Thank you for saying thank you. That was very um... Enthusiastic? Anyway, ya, I really liked it. Oh and hey, if you do put it up on VFH, tell me so I can vote for it.

P.S.

Hugging me wouldn't make you gay, it would be a man hug. Or I guess if you shortened that down it would be "Mug" get it? Man hug makes mug. So I guess if you man huged me you could say you were mugging me.

P.P.S.

Also, if you were gay you whouldn't necessarily have to join the marching band. You could become an actor or a singer. --Magic Snow man ☃ 21:52, December 19, 2010 (UTC)

It was just surprising, not expecting a review, just going to Pee to see when I put it up there, and finding a review by somebody who liked the page and was so helpful too. I added in words to both the section on finding "the place" and on the combat MINUTE itself. If you have a minute please have a look. Man hugs are fine, I've often had man hugs without the sex, which makes it gooey. Except for Joey the Homo, who won't hug anyone unless he's screwin' 'em. As for VFH, Z3R0 HOUR unexpectedly put up my Uncyclopedia is almost full, which if it is to get a feature should do so before Rupert Murdoch dies off (like Captain Beefheart, and Bob Feller), so I already have one up there. But Goats could be next for sure, I like the page too. Thanks again!! Aleister 22:18 19 12

And now you voted for almost full with nice comments (yes, that talk page guy was funny. Probably lots of people will think it's real). So instead of thanking you I must now begin to pay you, and wash your dog and all. Man hug. Aleister 1:09 19 12

*Man hugs back* You're welcome. I thought Uncyclopedia is almost full was one of the funniest articles I've ever read. Anyway, again Did you ever lock horns with a goat? Was amazing too. --Magic Snow man ☃ 01:39, December 20, 2010 (UTC)

I think...

I was going to say something to you. About reviews. Something about being more in-depth, even if you really do like the articles... at least, I think that was it. Er... hi? 1234 ~ 18:09, 20 December 2010

Oh, ok... Sorry --Magic Snow man ☃ 22:40, December 20, 2010 (UTC)

*offers a large pie* 1234 ~ 01:51, 21 December 2010

*Takes large pie* Thanks, I needed that. --Magic Snow man ☃ 01:55, December 21, 2010 (UTC)

WELL HELLO THERE SIR.

I just dropped by to thank you for the very positive piss I found on my burger this morning. A couple notes:

• I ™ed all of the restaurant titles per your suggestion.
• The sexual links were more for the individual words or phrases than the full sentences. For example, "thick and juicy" can be common sexual innuendo, while the word "tug" is often referred to for masturbation (tugging one out).
• The last section was mainly done to get in those phrases and stuff. I didn't plan on making it so short, and I will try to expand it more.
• Love the two-for-one joke. I had actually thought about that originally, and I just forgot about it.
• I can imagine many people not liking it, probably because they're offended by abortions and cannibalism. The losers.
• My penis is especially large.

So, anyway, thank you. »» Back ² Tha Hood»» 20:56,20December,2010

Oh, you're welcome. Oh, and by the way, I knew about those sexual innuendos (I'm not ten), they just seemed random... Either way, it doesn't matter. Again you're welcome. --Magic Snow man ☃ 22:40, December 20, 2010 (UTC)

I'm ten! *waves energetically* 1234 ~ 22:56, 20 December 2010

Well I'm not. I'm ten and a half! --Magic Snow man ☃ 23:12, December 20, 2010 (UTC)