User talk:Magic man/archive5

This is an archive. Don't edit it, penis breath.

Leave a message, or else...

And chocolate

Thanks.

Old stuffs

• Archive one ~ I come to the wonderful world of Uncyclopedia. Get yelled at alot (not really yelled but just told I was doing something wrong). Get some spam from Spam man. And a dance from Dancing dude. I write some articles, revert some vandals, which gets me nomed for Uncyclopedian of the Month (I failed), and an honorary 2nd dance from Dancing dude. I start reviewing, writing requested articles, and getting the the UnSignpost. Halloween comes and goes, And I become 2nd in command for the grue army. I get thanked for voting on VFH, UGotM, and Uotm, judge the aristocrat's turkey day ball, join Imperial Colonization, and for some reason get a death threat from Poiz. Not necessarily in that order.

• Archive two ~ I prove to Lyrithya that I'm an asshole, get my first Uncyclopedia rape, Christmas comes and goes, I do some more reviewing, win the World's Best Friend, Magician of the month and sandwich of the month award, Dancing dude's dance page gets made, that dickhead Magic man does some vote whoring, I get thanked for voting on stuff, become a member of PEEING, answer noob questions, do more stuff for Imperial Colonization, Alister sprinkles his silliness all over, I write a controversial article, greet some more noobs, I get a cookie from Mimo which somehow ends up in a showdown in MS paint, do some coding stuff, get another cookie from Mr. Soot Gremlin, I finally get an article featured, do some VFD stuff with SPIKE, attempt to speak greek, explane to JackOfSpades why my user talk page is "So fucking red", Mimo calls me a dick, I am informed that my sig is outrageous, someone leaves a message to everyone on my talk page, I WIN! I leave for four days, I get a death threat from Another n00b, and Uncyclopedia breaks. Oh! And did I mention I get yelled at some more? (Wow! Was that a run-on-sentence or what?)

• Archive three ~ I get "eaten", a penis lollipop finds it's way to my mouth, talking in Japanese, I judge the happy monkey competition, vote whoring, I adopt a noob, a poem-off between me, Al, and Mimo, I make two banners for the happy monkey competition which never get put up, I send off the IC Silver Age, I move Dinosaur on my own, voting thanks, talking in greek, I get into potatochopping, I get another article featured, April Fool's Day comes and goes, I spill coffee on my modem, Dinosaur gets featured and I get half credit, I get a "Pantsless Ninjastar", Another n00b gets banned for being a vandal, then comes back, and I get nommed for PotM. A bunch of other stuff happens, but none of it is interesting.

• Archive four ~ I am informed (by myself) that I am an asshat, make Lollipop a birthday card, show PoopManPoop a magic trick, get into the hall of shame (because I get UnNews:Old people more likely to die, study shows featured), my birthday comes and goes, make some Donald Trump related images for JelloMold, I put fruit (now fruits) up for VFH (it fails), write Uncyclopedia:What VFD is not for UN:REQ, get a "Yukky Ninjastar" from JackOfSpades, Aleister gets skunk featured, I get promoted to the rank of High General in the grue army, I listen to Elton John's version of Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds, Lollipop tries to de-red my talkpage, more trump related images, I'm really unreliable over at UN:PR, I have my unbirthday, I get Visual puns featured and a whole bunch of people talk about it, I win reviewer of the month, I bother Skully with my quotes, I write an article for the UnSignpost, I get thanked for numerous things and Hypnotist and Inbox also get featured, but that's not reflected here, so don't go looking for it.

You're dumb.

Dumbo. -- 00:58, August 6, 2011 (UTC)

Dum dum

Nyah. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 02:00, 6 August 2011

*Tear* That's hurtful, I'd like you to take it back. -- 02:01, August 6, 2011 (UTC)

I'm sorry. You want to play with my toys? -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 02:05, 6 August 2011

Well... okay, Apology accepted. Can I play with this superman action figure? -- 02:14, August 6, 2011 (UTC)

No....MINE! -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 01:08, 8 August 2011

*Bursts into tears* -- 01:24, August 8, 2011 (UTC)

Duhhhh....*hands Magic man Superman action figure* -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 01:26, 8 August 2011

Yay! I'll love it forever! -- 01:44, August 8, 2011 (UTC)

Forever? I thought I lent it to you...*tear* -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 19:17, 8 August 2011

Yo

Hey MM, wanna go on IRC? Mattsnow 18:10, August 6, 2011 (UTC)

Yeah, sure. One sec. -- 18:11, August 6, 2011 (UTC)

IRC? Mattsnow 23:15, August 6, 2011 (UTC)

Yeah, but I can't be on for long. -- 23:26, August 6, 2011 (UTC)

Ok, man, the only thing I was wondering is if you could reverse the hand that is holding the putter on the white guy, that's all. And put a left hand on it, but if it's too much work, forget it, I am 2 much of a perfectionist! Mattsnow 23:56, August 6, 2011 (UTC)

Yo, IRC? Mattsnow 17:35, August 7, 2011 (UTC)

Horseshoes

Hey mate, fingers crossed that we win this thing or make it to the next round or whatever. One thing though, I reckon that tumbleweed gag that you added is a bit old... and not very encyclopaedic. Would you mind if I changed it back to "Watch this space"? I like that because it looks like the narrator is waiting patiently for something interesting to write about. What are your thoughts? --Black Flamingo 19:15, August 8, 2011 (UTC)

Actually, the only reason I added that was because Mattsnow suggested it. So yeah, change it back. -- 22:09, August 8, 2011 (UTC)

Kool and the gang. --Black Flamingo 22:39, August 8, 2011 (UTC)

More rubbish Australian Prose because ChiefjusticeDS got stabbed in the buttocks by a rioter with a felt-tip pen

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Wonders What Happened To You. You Used To Be Cool.

August 11th, 2011 • Issue 133 • Stay Frosty!

And the burning continues By Frosty It is so blatantly obvious that this is the thing to to talk about at the moment, so whilst totally disregarding I may be risking talking about it too much, I give you the latest stats on FFW. Quite sadly I say that our article count as at all time low, if you'll refer to exhibit A on the right you will see where I predict Uncyclopedia will eventually sink. I asked resident vandal admin Dr. Skullthumper about why he instated this controversial act to delete anything the viewer deems shit without a proper vote. He simple replied "Shutup, it's all in the name of progress or whatever that good side is also referred to as. Having a vote would take too long and I like taking shortcuts." You can hardly argue with his ideology and progress. But sadly he disappeared because he fears reprisal from those apposed to the idea. Perhaps the most strongly against the FFW proposal are Mhaille and Sockpuppet of an unregistered user, who are both trying to frantically hack up article shortly after it gets deleted, but have both given up saying they are deleting too fast it's not fair! When I asked Mhaille why he was being so silly he put it down to the fact that he really hates Skullthumper, oh and his cat. So as we watch our article count gradually and then catastrophically spiral downwards think to yourself was the FFW a necessary idea? If in a couple of years down the track you find yourself actually having to emerge from your basement and get a job because Uncyclopedia has finally destroyed itself, at least you'll know exactly who to blame. Annual Uncyclopedia Summer Extravaganza! By Frosty This is perhaps a story I should included in the last UnSignpost but I was too busy whoring about my pro writing skillz and Chiefs absence. So my apologies to those in charge of what appears to be a pretty cool idea for a writing challenge! For those of you who don't follow the dump, this is a writing competition organized by the somewhat over the top and insane Joe9320, Aimsplode and until quite recently Shabidoo who appears to have vacated his seat as chairperson for the tournament. The participants are required to split into teams of three in which they are given a mere 16 days and 12 hours (Yes two weeks wasn't going to work), in which to write as many articles as they can on a summer based theme. Which is to say they will write about booze and sex but I guess the whole summer theme was just a cover for that. The articles are submitted for judging in which the winner will be the judges favorite I guess. To be honest I'm putting it down to the admin team to win simply because they can delete all other entries thus eliminating any competition, but hey that's just speculation. I really hope you're all having fun with the summer comp whilst I and all other southern hemisphere dwelling Uncyclopedians whilst we freeze in this winter, but hey that's what we get for being Australian! Having a riot in London By Chief Would anybody like a free television?

Check out these pages! Whoring It begins! Everyone likes this thingy too... The return of Benson. Because he's either dead or just hating us, the editor special: 08:23, August 7, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Frosty (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 257 seconds ‎ (Have a nice cup of mud to celebrate this, the latest of your non-achievements. Also cheers for doing the USP, I liked it because I was in it.) 17:22, August 7, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Human Nutsack (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Trying to archive my talk page for me.) 17:36, August 6, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Olipro (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (The first rule of the UnSignpost club is that you don't draw attention to my blatant whoring of my hilarious bans, incidentally, I'm putting this one in. Just try and stop me.) 09:35, July 24, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Mikefish (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Masterfully done sir, to top it off perhaps you would like to try dangling your genitals in boiling water, it's great!) Biopic of the Week Well he definitely should have seen this coming, so yes I am going to talk to you about the Uncyclopedian called PoopManPoop For those less important individuals PoopManPoop won noob of the month in June in an absolute landslide crushing all available competition in true Uncyclopedian fashion simply because his name made everybody giggle. Since then I regret to inform PMP hasn't been very active at all only popping in every few days at best to make a couple of edits and then vanish all over again. I speculate he may be a total IRCfag, which is to say he lives on #uncyclopedia as apposed to doing anything constructive, whilst he simple may have better things to do. UnSignpost words of the week Cephalectomy - Total removal of the brain. Yummy! Gozmesky - The act of impersonating a man from San Marino Nujpwi - The smell of soiled underwear. Zaackaus - Used muppet skin. Zeegoor - T-shirt of a rock group which you are now too embarrassed to wear in public. Daifinguator - A lover of silly words. Truefax

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~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:10, August 11, 2011 (UTC)

Fruit

Gonna be hard sayin this but it was better before the latest semi-rewrite. I'm not sure if you misinterpreted my criticism or something, but I was saying that you should have defined Johnny and Sebastian more in order to make the dialogue structure more interesting and not just tacked-on. It started off a little promisingly like this (One is more flamboyant, one is more serious), and then it suddenly became really disastrously self-referential instead of actually talking about fruits, in either the gay or food context. The ending, though, certainly is better. -- T​K​F​​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​UU​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​CK 03:27, August 14, 2011 (UTC)

Hmm... shit. I think I did misinterpret your advice. Thanks for being honest with me, and I'll see what I can do. -- 03:34, August 14, 2011 (UTC)

!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh my god...Magic man...watch out! "·($%)"=·$(%=")·($%=!/)"·$=)!("·=%)(/"=·%(!=)!!! I cannot be more serious! %"·$(%)·$=%&("=·$)%(!=)%="·$(!=%/=·")%$!=)·"(%% WTF!?!?!?!?!? %("$%(&=)"·$(%="·($%=)!"(%"=("%$ BEHIND YOU! %"(·$%(&"·)%(="·)$%=·$(%=)"·($=·$"&"·(%=)"·$ NOOOOOOO NOOOOOOO NOOOOOOOOO!!!! NOT LIKE THAT!!!!!!!! %"(·)$%("=·$(%"=%(=")%!("$=)!("=%/!="%(!%/!" xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx "·$(%)"·(%"·=%("=( WHATS THAT ABOUT LOLLIPOP¿????? "·$%")·%$!=)%·$(%=)!/%"$(!·")/!)%(=)!%" KANGAROO MEAT?!!? "·%=)"·($=%("·%(!=)·$/="·)%=)·$"%!")·/!=) OVERCOOKED RICE!?? ·(!)%="·($%=)/!"·$=!)·"/$)=·"%=!(/·"%$! MAGIC MAN SERIOUSLY! %"(·$)%("=·$)%(=(!=)·$(!="·("=)·$%(!)(!" 2005 !!! "·$%()%!=)·"($!=%·(%%%% ............... – Preceding unsigned comment added by Shabidoo (talk • contribs)

I... I don't... wow... -- 05:07, August 14, 2011 (UTC)

It's things like this that make me proud to be an uncyclopedian. 1234 ~ 05:23, 14 August 2011

Tournament

Hey MM! I love your picture of the Loch Ness Monster! Is that you? So, they finally rounded up the score and we won by a long shot, now the second round begins, let's regroup like a bunch of wolves there and decide our next move! Mattsnow 05:38, August 16, 2011 (UTC)

What picture of the Loch Ness Monster? I didn't make one. -- 04:23, August 18, 2011 (UTC)

Next article

Have you seen my suggestion for a rewrite of Sun, partner? What do you make of it so far? It could use your comic talents, obviously. Otherwise do you have any other ideas for what we could do instead? --Black Flamingo 15:44, August 17, 2011 (UTC)

It's good. It'll need some fleshing out, but I like it. We can do that one. I'll go see if I can add anything. -- 04:22, August 18, 2011 (UTC)

Now it only wants you gone; it's the UnSignpost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The periodical without any junk in its trunk!

August 18th, 2011 • Issue 134 • Have a Dumpling.

It's Kicking Off By Chief A little while ago, when the world was young and we were actually interviewing people instead of making up vaguely racist quotes, the UnSignpost ran a story on the #uncyclopedia IRC channel. At the time we could have raised issues about it being a wholly separate community where the rules of the site blur into a haze of... haziness, but we didn't; we were far too busy making jokes about penises and the abundance of jokes on the same to be found on IRC. Now, once again, IRC has been thrust into the limelight and a great deal of hand-wringing and swearing has inevitably been the consequence. Yes, this is the news that once again the cruel spectre of drama hovers above the wiki as Lyrithya has decided that there are several problems that need addressing. Number one: she would like a trip to Europe but doesn't have the disposable income, number 2: Uncyclopedia sucks , number 3: there are not enough forum topics about problem number two. She has set out to remedy the horrendous forum deficiency by creating two with deceptively enjoyable titles. The serious point to these forums revolves around the accountability of the administrators, which Lyrithya feels there is not enough of. The forum topics are the usual; huge blocks of text with no humorous comments about the Power Rangers anywhere in sight. It's all very sad and will probably end with someone leaving and vowing never to return. The other vitally important news is that Zombiebaron reports that the Forest Fire Week huffing has finished, a full two weeks after Forest Fire Week finished. When asked to comment on the less than speedy huffage of all these articles, Zombiebaron had this to say: "Zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron! Zombiebaron?" which surprised us since we didn't even know he played the violin. Now all that we need to attend to are the thousands and thousands of broken redirects which MadMax spent countless hours creating to make everyone's lives easier. Now he has the honour of watching them be destroyed in the name of making the wiki better. Happy Thursday everyone. R.I.P Roman Dog Bird By Frosty It is with great sadness that we report that our long time friendly, disturbing, creepy, dirty, often autistic admin Roman Dog Bird has apparently left for some reason, a departure he announced with a rather dramatic yawn, a shame, as his ban reasons are probably the closest things to actual humour we have on Uncyclopedia. This reporter in particular found his often unjustified bannings of IPs, deletions of memorable pages and general disrespect for authority truly inspiring. On a side note, RAHB decided to return this week as part of a poorly concealed attempt to cover up the disappearance of another partially departed admin, Dr. Skullthumper. We would like to encourage all readers to welcome RAHB back by telling him how much Frank Zappa sucks on his talk page; apparently he likes that.

Check out these pages! This is all Zombiebaron's fault. Drama. More drama. Help the poor sucker out! From our logs: 00:13, August 14, 2011 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Frosty (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 5 minutes ‎ (Let's see if I still know how to joke ban...ummm....penis.) 09:16, August 14, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 109.121.74.29 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 Days ‎ (Ironic that you have a link to an IQ test, since you seem like a complete idiot) 02:40, July 4, 2011 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Skully made me op for 5 minutes to ban you HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA) 12:48, August 15, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Frosty (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 432 seconds ‎ (Only I am permitted to whore my bans in the UnSignpost, it's safest for everyone that way.) 02:29, August 17, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked 165.228.227.254 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (a terminal case of faggot fever) Biopic of the Week Uncyclopedia get its fair share of users that come and go, as well as its fair share of users who simply turn into VFD lurkers and IRC In-jokes. As such, it is high time we discussed a certain user who fits both categories. Yes, it's Bizzeebeever's turn to be the subject of this week's biopic! Bizzeebever originally joined us in late June, and was quite a silly n00b, but like many, after being repeatedly hit in the head with a hammer he sort of grew up a bit began to earn his keep. Now he can be seen loitering around VFD and IRC clutching his head; it's okay, Bizzeebeever, we're done hurting you. For now. If you'd like to congratulate him on how far he's come, go ahead; just don't take a hammer or he'll probably run away. Birthday of the week ChiefjusticeDS's birthday was on Tuesday. He celebrated by getting hit in the head with a brick. FACTS! Did you know: ...that work is the curse of the drinking class? ...that sometimes violence is the answer, albeit a very violent one? ...that Frosty really needs to stop trying to edit the UnSignpost?

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~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:12, August 18, 2011 (UTC)

Have time to go on IRC?

Also, chocolate Mattsnow 03:24, August 19, 2011 (UTC)

Naw, can't. I'm about to watch a movie. Sorry. -- 03:32, August 19, 2011 (UTC)

Hey bro, I started an article for the comp and I think it's gonna be hilarious: HowTo:Train to look your best this summer. Do you know what the second article is gonna be? Mattsnow 03:15, August 20, 2011 (UTC)

It was gonna be a rewrite of Sun, but it might not be, because it looks like there's already another article with a similar concept. -- 03:22, August 20, 2011 (UTC)

What do you think of this so far, MM? Suggestions? I think it's good but I am at a stop. HowTo:Train to look your best this summer. I have no news from Oliphaunte so far :S. I'm on IRC, it would be cool to discuss if you want! Mattsnow 15:21, August 20, 2011 (UTC)

On vacation eh? and what about the comp? LOL Mattsnow 20:59, August 22, 2011 (UTC)

Did you read the whole thing? I can still jump on from time to time. Also, I'll be back fully later today. So... poo on you. -- 14:33, August 24, 2011 (UTC)

Wonko tiddlybum-post

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Proudly supporting editorial independence whenever the board say it's okay

August 25th, 2011 • Issue 135 • Pudding anyone?

Illogicopedia is stealing our ideas again By Athyria In an entirely precedented move, Illogicopedia has yet again stolen our proud Uncyclopedian traditions. Yes, they've finally done it, they've finally taken for their own everything that we at the UnSignpost proudly stood for, making a mockery of our fine establishment by starting up their own newspaper, the Illogicopedian Times. Or restarting, really; Readmesoon et all managed to put out a whole three issues in 2009 before getting arrested for snorting bumblebees or something, or whatever Illogicopedians do in their spare time, so technically the current is a continuation of that. But even more shocking than that, the Illogicpedia Times is doing well; after the announcement of its revival with the release of a dummy issue and a call for contributors, Illogicopedians have actually been contributing. Almost immediately two new issues were created; while these two were both a little too well-done for a proper ?pedian publication, the worst bits were merged into the first new issue, which has already been released to tremendous apathy on their end, and outrage on ours. But this was plural Illogicopedians, unlike the usually singular Uncyclopedian or two who invariably finds itself desperately floundering for topics to write about for our publications, and as we all know, nothing ever even happens on ?pedia, so how do they do it? What are we doing wrong? The answer, my friends, is nothing. We aren't doing anything wrong; they simply stole all our ideas and used those to write their own, and having not written any of their own in so long, they had all our back issues to comb. We suggest going to Readmesoon's talkpage and mocking him and the other editors thoroughly when they inevitably run out of said ideas to steal; it shouldn't take terribly long seeing as we never really had many to begin with. Meantime, perhaps we need more Zombiebaron. Please help me. By Zombiebaron Please help me. I am trapped in a well. It is very dark and cold down here. I was flying a kite and looking up at the sky when I fell down here by mistake. Please send me food. (To send food to Zombiebaron, please enclose all foods within a handmade envelope and address the envelope the P.O. Box 9912203288-402B at your local train station) Urinal issues By Lyrithya Due to a recent shortage of plumbers, some of the urinals in the men's restroom have been backing up. As such, we at the UnSignpost would like to urge all readers to tread carefully in there, and if possible, try to lend a hand in the clean up. More news to come as the situation becomes more dire.

Check out these pages! Jews If you've been following it... Won't anyone sign it! From our logs: 04:20, August 19, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Eblog.net (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (dicks2dicks@dicks.dicks) 20:55, August 20, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Uncyclopedia sucks hard (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (you suck hard. no, harder. harder than that. come onnnnn, give me more... jesus, is that the best you can do? no wonder your boyfriend won't talk to you.) 07:38, August 22, 2011 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked AssassinNips (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (I love shit as much as the next guy. Sometimes I even like to use it in the shower in lieu of soap. But when you start getting into smelling it....you're just weird, man.) 11:40, August 21, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Under user (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (If you come near me I'll rip your nipples off) 06:38, August 23, 2011 MadMax (Talk | contribs) blocked 76.169.192.208 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (I was only following orders) Uncyclopedia Birthday! Frosty would like you all to know that on the 27th, he will have completed his first year on Uncyclopedia. He seems to want gifts. He also seems to think he's the new UnSignpost editor, little realising that the old UnSignpost editor never left. Not the writer; that lovely fellow is currently on vacation. But his editor is still here and demands that Frosty either put on the leather chicken suit NOW and submit before her giant banana or... well, actually, he doesn't really have much choice in the matter. Poor dear. If only he'd known what he was getting into. Happy birthday? Not a threat. I seriously spent hours racking my brains trying to think of what to write for the damn UnSignpost! I mean I sat here full on thinking I wasn't going to get this all set for delivery on time. So I put this to you, as the new editor: “ Start sending in idea, or no UnSignpost next week! ” — Frosty

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:11, August 25, 2011 (UTC)

Sun

Just mainspaced it and stuck it on pee review. Hope you're okay given the hurricane and everything. If you ever get back from the Wonderful Land of Oz, feel free to add more to it. --Black Flamingo 12:10, August 27, 2011 (UTC)

Yeah, the hurricane just started last night, so we've got worse to come. The power's gone out a couple times, but for no longer than an hour at a time. As for Sun, I'm fine with that. I think a pee review would be great, I was feeling a little uninspired at that point. -- 15:07, August 27, 2011 (UTC)

Eh MM, I've been adding Mini-golf and HowTo:Train to look your best this summer on Pee. I've taken a couple of days off, I nneded it and now I am fresh as a daisy! I hope that hurricane goes smoothly and you will be alright, don't forget that holding on to telephone poles while horizontal is a good exercise :) Give us news! Mattsnow 19:03, August 27, 2011 (UTC)

Not answering me? *cries* I've been away from Uncy for 4 days, which is my longest stretch, I missed you guys and that's how you welcome me cack.... sniff Mattsnow 21:55, August 27, 2011 (UTC)

Hey Black flamingo, you hear something? -- 22:00, August 27, 2011 (UTC)

I hope you're kidding you little twat! Mattsnow 22:04, August 27, 2011 (UTC)

Well, seeing as nobody's talking to me, I might as well get off... -- 22:05, August 27, 2011 (UTC)

I'd feel bad for Mattsnow, but I noticed he mispelled "back" with a c making it "cack". I'm too busy laughing at that. -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 27 August 2011, at 22:25

Oh! Hey, Lollipop! I'm glad you're here, now I haver someone to talk to. No one was talking to me before. By the way, I like your new sig. -- 22:27, August 27, 2011 (UTC)

Oh! speaking of which, can you get on IRC like right now? I have something really important to tell you in private. Thanks. -- 22:30, August 27, 2011 (UTC)

I had set up some sort of contest for users to create a new sig for me, but they all were terrible; so I did it myself...like I always do. Also, yes, i'm online, so...yeah. -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 27 August 2011, at 22:32

Hey Lollipop, glad you're back! I took a little break also! Now I hope the hurricane is gonna blow MM like a leaf in the wind lol Mattsnow 22:42, August 27, 2011 (UTC)

*Blows away* -- 01:20, August 28, 2011 (UTC)

Somebody put mini-golf on VFH, sparing us the whole Pee process (and unclogging Pee), and I credited the whole team, so 0.5 feature thingie to all team members if it makes it (I am so sure it will). We're a team until the end! – Preceding unsigned comment added by Mattsnow (talk • contribs)

Hmmm... I'll go vote for it, but I wish we could still get a pee review... -- 18:02, August 28, 2011 (UTC)

The problem is Pee Review is clogged, just as your toilet. :D We are actually doing a service to the site there, as this article cannot fail. And if it does, then we'll seek a Pee Mattsnow 18:17, August 28, 2011 (UTC)

And did you see what I wrote about you on WotM? :) Mattsnow 18:28, August 28, 2011 (UTC)

Yeah, I did, thanks. Speaking of which, did you see my new article, Subliminal stimuli? Tell me what you think of it. -- 20:05, August 28, 2011 (UTC)

You Nazi bastard LOL Mattsnow 20:21, August 28, 2011 (UTC)

-- 02:01, August 29, 2011 (UTC)

I don't know you you yet

Hi, I'm Mnid. —  (talk) (contributions) 23:53, August 28, 2011 (UTC)

Nice to meet you, Mnid! I'm Magic man. How are you doing on a fine day like today? -- 03:35, August 29, 2011 (UTC)

I am also welcoming you warmly, though I wouldn't like you to disclose the fact I am wearing pink underwears! Welcome aboard! Mattsnow 03:41, August 29, 2011 (UTC)

Pink? My undies aren't actually undies, they're actually three chinchillas, named Frank, Albert and Jessica. -- 03:45, August 29, 2011 (UTC)

What about the chinchilla named Electrified mocha? -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 29 August 2011, at 03:47

Hide that damn swastika MM. Not a good idea at all. I am white, but it is not funny at all. You may like ED then! Just a friendly message. Some people may be put off. Mattsnow 03:48, August 29, 2011 (UTC)

Hmm... you may be right, but then again, seeing as quite a bit of the users here either joke about being, or really are neo-nazis and such (I can't really tell which), I'm not sure how many actually will. I might change it when I have more time... -- 12:11, August 29, 2011 (UTC)

Hmm —  (talk) (contributions) 22:28, August 29, 2011 (UTC)

Hey Mini-golf is doing awesome! 10-0 in a day! :D Ang maybe you are right about that swastika, it's a joke after all. Mattsnow 23:45, August 29, 2011 (UTC)

Mini-golf is doing pretty good. WOW! +10 – Can't wait to see it featured-- —  (talk) (contributions) 01:03, August 30, 2011 (UTC)

Thanks, man! I can see you going places in the future. See you at the top! -- 05:58, August 30, 2011 (UTC)

Yay! It was featured :) —  (talk) (contributions) 23:12, August 31, 2011 (UTC)

Yep, thanks for voting. -- 21:53, September 1, 2011 (UTC)

You and Mattsnow shot a hole-in-one!

It appears that you co-wrote and voted for Mini-golf, which ended up getting featured. All of Uncyclopedia would like to thank you from the bottom of their hearts (well... maybe somewhere around the middle, but you get what I mean) for being so goddamned awesome. Hope your career as an awesome writer is long and prosperous. -- 03:10, August 31, 2011 (UTC)

Mailman's here! Lock up your daughters and horny middle-aged Wives!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The edition that's black and white and dead all over

September 1st, 2011 • Issue 136 • Cat the Colourful is a loser.

Spambots! By Lollipop Recently, an evil army of spambots has laid siege to Uncyclopedia. While most users went on in blissful ignorance, the rollbacks loaded their guns, the admins loaded their cannons, and Sannse took one look and didn't load her checkuser. "You're overreacting," she would have said had anyone asked her, which they didn't. These spambots are known for their random edit summaries and their apparent praise of the wiki, apparent because they have been all too happy to spread the very same praise around other sites as well, the whores: "This really helped me, I know so much now," said one of the spambots when cornered by a bin of potatoes. It later said the exact same thing regarding a deleted page. As always, the UnSignpost urges all readers to confront these bots and tell them they're doing it wrong, that they are adopted and how their mothers never hugged them, as well as that their coding is deprecated and their owner runs them through Internet Explorer, losers. And for those of you who prefer the usual blah blah blah to stop them, that also remains an option. This is just plain Unacceptable! By Anselmo The Magnificent Drama. You never know where it's going to strike. You never know when it's going to strike. You never know how or why it's going to strike. And dare I say, there are times when you cannot be altogether very sure at all what it's going to strike. One thing is for certain, though; here at Uncyclopedia, we do a bloody poor job of it, and in the name of Klaus Nomi and his immaculate hair, we should all be ashamed! There are not enough bad things going on! Everywhere one looks it's another pathetic little pissing fight about something as insignificant as BUTT POOP!!!!, or a misdirected conservative whining about retards. Enough, I say! This is child's play! Gone are the glorious days of perpetual Uncyclopedia flame-wars, the legends such as Talk:Euroipods forever eluding the minds of today's generation of shit-raisers and stink-throwers! What of the glory that was NXWave, and his numerous sockpuppets? What of the majestic splendor of the great Aspie war? Uncyclopedians, you have disgraced your heritage! You have almost made this a pleasant place to reside! Do you realize that? This week I challenge you, oh alleged patrons of flamewars and troll-being, to take a look at yourselves, and you will soon realize that your true purpose has been eluding you for all of these years. It's time we stand up and yell! Scream! WHINE like you mean it! Whine like you whined on your first day of kindergarten when your mother drove away! Whine like a prom queen suddenly and unexpectedly drafted into the Armed Forces! Whine like your forefathers and their forefathers before them! CAUSE A STIR! CAUSE A REVOLUTION! CAUSE CHAOS! But most importantly....cause a drama. Thank you. Frosty wants to know how he's doing. By Not Frosty He's doing horribly. He is not a better editor than that other guy, who at least had the decency to bring me bribes of frappes and muffins.

Check out these pages! More ways to get rid of new users Whoring BUTT POOP!!!! SERIOUS BUSINESS From our logs: 08:54, August 28, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked Inebriated (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 4 hours ‎ (HI DRUNK GUY! I'M ACTUALLY NOT dRUNK RIGHT NOW FOR A CHANGE. CAN YOU TELL?) 05:46, August 29, 2011 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 65.49.14.72 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (Go rape your own children. Stay away from ours.) 10:44, August 27, 2011 MadMax (Talk | contribs) blocked 212.191.39.2 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Clowns to the left of me, Jokers to the right, Here I am, stuck in the middle with you...) 12:29, August 28, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked 59.100.20.207 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (We don't care about your sexual orientation.) 03:10, August 31, 2011 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked WTFak47MAN (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (I really hate to do this because you're hilarious, man. But I also really love to do this, because fuck you.) Biopic of the Week Ah, biopic of the week, potentially the most controversial part of the UnSignpost simply for what it is, a section about users... and yet somehow, it never really stands up to the other sections; the users themselves are rarely so bad as what they do, and as such we are proud to announce that Aimsplode... is the exception to this? Nonetheless, he is our lucky subject for this week's biopic, who, after several long days of dredging up drama, insulting people, subsequently getting banned, going on IRC, annoying people, continuing to annoy people, and annoying Zombiebaron, subsequently got banned there, too, and finally settled down a bit. This was actually pretty impressive; the only unfortunate thing is that more people don't do this; if they did, the admins might have more to do and thus might stop being so cranky all the time. For shame, people! But kudos to Aimsplode, because you are indeed something special; we could use more of that. Birthday of the Week Lollipop celebrated his 1st year of Uncyclopedia on Tuesday. In honour of this prestigious event that has been on-going for the past two weeks, we at the UnSignpost are proud to present him with this block of poisoned cheese in an attempt to get him to stop talking about it already. Er, that is, enjoy your cheese!

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:11, September 1, 2011 (UTC)

1st prize- Smart Guys Get It.

And I had spent RM10 ($3.3333333333333333....) on making this shit template.

FIRST PRIZE Congratulations on winning the Uncyclopedia Summer Extravaganza! Keep this and go insane all over!

Plus I had spent my remaining RM15 on this.
|Si Plebius Dato' Joe ang Kemador CUN|IC Kill | 09:40, September 1, 2011 (UTC)

gfjddlsls

so mudkipz i liek herd u -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 1 September 2011, at 23:17

? -- 23:18, September 1, 2011 (UTC)

! -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 1 September 2011, at 23:19

¿ -- 23:27, September 1, 2011 (UTC)

From WotM... About Subliminal Stimuli...

Depends what you mean by "work". The swastika flashes for a second at random intervals, and none of the text links work (unless you load the non-swastika-flashing page). Is that how it's supposed to be? --Black Flamingo 09:28, September 3, 2011 (UTC)

Yeah, that is. Does the swastika flash over the whole page, or only the middle sort of down low? -- 20:48, September 3, 2011 (UTC)

No, just over the "article", ie. not the sidebar, navigation, logo and stuff. --Black Flamingo 23:23, September 3, 2011 (UTC)

Oh, okay. That's good. It doesn't work on my end, but if it works for everyone else, I'll leave it the way it is. Thanks for the help. -- 23:33, September 3, 2011 (UTC)

Pee

You had a request for the reviewing of Subliminal stimuli. You get my first pee here. —  (talk) (contributions) 00:59, September 5, 2011 (UTC)

Hey, thanks, man! And congrats on your first pee! -- 02:22, September 5, 2011 (UTC)

This UnSignpost brought to you by... uh... fairy dust? Hmm, we seem to have run out of sponsors.

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Won't Judge You!

September 8th, 2011 • Issue 137 • This is still going? How?

New urinals to be installed By Athyria As you are no doubt aware, having been following the UnSignpost religiously like every good Uncyclopedian does, we recently reported on the decrepit state of the Uncyclopedian urinals. In the weeks since, the lavatories have been undergoing repairs following an in-depth investigation into the matter conducted out of sheer paranoia. It would seem this paranoia was warranted, however, because the entire messy affair was apparently caused by some idiot getting the bright idea to pour a vat of rubber cement down a broken toilet. If you have any information that might lead to the identity of the culprit, please, report it to the authorities. A forum has also been created to aid in the cleanup; if you would like to aid in the efforts, or would simply prefer to point and laugh at your smelly peers as they help install new urinals, that would be the place to go. This is just plain acceptable. By Anselmo The Magnificent Greetings, Uncyclopedians. You may remember me from our previous issue, in which I mercilessly berated the lot of you for being a pathetic bunch of whiny losers who wouldn't know a good drama if it bit them on the nose. Beating the ever-loving shit out of your self-respect, I then left you with a challenge. To "most importantly, cause a drama." Within the past week, you've really shown me something. Congratulations are in order! Rejoice, Uncyclopedia! For you have not only caused a drama, you have in fact become The Drama! Your armpits reek of the glorious B.O. of internet drama, and that reek is really getting me off! Fear no more, for as long as thine hearts remain impure, and your bellies full of Mountain Dew, you shall never stray off the path of utter boorish piss-fighting again! I will make sure of that, watching over your future endeavors of pointlessness like a guardian magical angel with a funny Irish hat. You deserve it. You have reached the very top of the mountain, like some flaming golden eagle, majestically flying across the sky, shitting all over everything in its path...majestically. Don't listen to what your detractors say. Your constant bickering is UNITING the very country of Uncyclopedia, like some sort of annoying super glue that causes a rash if it comes into contact with human skin. You should be proud! You should be elated! You should be madly stroking yourself off at the very prospect of being the very best dramanator the world has ever seen!! But seriously, you can stop it now. Wikimedia Commons is as horrible as us. By Lyrithya While this should come as no surprise to those of you immersed in the affairs of Wikimedia, assuming there are any of you immersed in that, we at the UnSignpost recently found ourselves quite horrified (and strangely aroused) by the images to be found on Wikimedia's servers after an anonymous source informed us of what currently qualifies as a feature. Specifically, yaoi porn. While for the sake of all our manhood we probably shouldn't repeat the URL here, for the sake of all our women and our gays, we're going to link it anyway. Enjoy, ladies. And gays. For the rest of you, however, there is a very important lesson to be realised from this: our own situation here on Uncyclopedia really isn't all that bad. Sure, we've been featuring an unusual amount of articles explicitly about the male member this week (unlike the more typical ones implicitly about it), but none of them were quite this explicit, were they? No, really, were they? We didn't actually read any of them on account of being too busy researching this other matter for the sake of you lot. We do this all for you! It's all for you! Hello?

Check out these pages! Look! Look at me! Look at her! Look at them! Look at this! From our logs: 10:03, September 1, 2011 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 209.141.58.184 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (This block is only one week long, because blanking VFS took some serious balls. Or, to be more accurate, some serious big hairy penis.) 10:18, September 2, 2011 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 178.18.131.234 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (You always make my night, wang-vandal. I just can't be angry when I see your characteristic smiley :D) 04:12, September 3, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Rcmurphy (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 30 minutes ‎ (Posting in a Users Only forum. Abuse of powers! (dont worry this isnt autoblocked)) 08:19, September 3, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) resurrected Frosty (Talk | contribs) ‎ (Would you believe I was trying to ban an IP and I pressed the wrong ban button on recent changes?) 14:50, September 5, 2011 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked 92.10.100.33 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (fuck the fuck off) Biopic of the Week Ah, what can be said about Klaus Nomi Wearing An Irish Hat? While one of the greatest German countertenors of our time, or any, what Klaus is probably most well known for in the modern age is his disturbing propensity for being present at the scene of any and all crimes, as though he were omnipresent. Over the years, this has become an understood facet of society, and most of the time he can now be easily ignored as if he were never there in the first place. This is not entirely difficult to do, considering the fact that every time he shows up at a shooting, robbery, yard sale massacre, etc., he only finds it necessary to stand completely and absolutely still whilst observing the ongoing madness, occasionally taking the time to put on a silly Irish hat and dance a disturbing and disruptive jig before snapping back to his typical demeanor. While this makes Klaus an incredibly creepy person to be around, and we at Uncyclopedia typically use it as a regular excuse to exclude him from the annual Christmas party and Casual Fridays, we're still happy to have him, nonetheless. You go, Klaus! Cat of the Week This is Terumvra. He's very scary. I found him eating my plants and now he won't go away and he's been holding me hostage! Help!

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 01:12, September 8, 2011 (UTC)

Crud

Hey there, I’ve been following the VFH in regards to subliminal stimuli and I was a bit disappointed it didn’t do as well as I thought it would. I’m thinking it may have had something to do with it being primarily Nazi based, being an old target for jokes and what not. *Surrounds sentence with asterix’s* So, maybe you could use the flashy subliminal idea with some other joke less worn. For example, write it in the point of view of a hippie talking about how shitty the government is for putting subliminal stimuli in everything but then having a massive weed leaf flashing up saying “legalize it” or whatever. Anyways, you’ve probably moved on to bigger and better things so I’ll go away now. Go local sports team! I understand and I wish to continue. . 13:02, September 12, 2011 (UTC)

Whoa, I can't believe I missed this up until now. Anyway, thanks, I've put it back up for pee review, so hopefully with the advice I receive there I can take it all the way to the top. Thanks again. -- 01:23, September 15, 2011 (UTC)

I think Haunted Undies may be right. The shit coming out of his brain is as awesome as the one flowing from his undies! *thinks about what he just said* Errrr............... Mattsnow 01:51, September 15, 2011 (UTC)

The irony of it is, we feature not one, but two nazi based articles in the last month alone. -- 01:54, September 15, 2011 (UTC)

We should be renamed "Nazipedia" lol Mattsnow 04:44, September 15, 2011 (UTC)

Ee Gads! I just googled "Nazipedia", it actually exists and it's hosted by Wikia! Whodathunkit? For your information, it's doing quite well. Seems it's stretching the wikia servers to the max with a whopping 11 articles. One of which is called "Penis" and mentions retards. Sound familiar to anyone? I understand and I wish to continue. . 09:21, September 15, 2011 (UTC)

WTF!!!! I was about to say: "Yeah, nice trolling Undies, try harder next time." but it is true! It exists. Damn, we are "working" for a satanist company! OH NOES! Abandon ship! Mattsnow 17:32, September 15, 2011 (UTC)

Well, at lease we don't have Niggerpedia. That's your queue, Undies. -- 00:37, September 16, 2011 (UTC)

Cue? 1234 ~ 01:19, 16 September 2011

GODDAMN-IT! I looked it up and everything, just to see which was right. YOU LIED TO ME, INTERWEB! -- 02:20, September 16, 2011 (UTC)

It does that. 1234 ~ 02:34, 16 September 2011

The UnSignpost: Now with free bacon!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

You'd be crazy not to listen!

September 15th, 2011 • Issue 138 •My News Hungers for Justice

Poo and Pee By Chief As we draw closer to the close of the summer, many Uncyclopedians find themselves casting about, searching for a way to manifest their creative talents before they all have to go back to school and learn how to add up big numbers. It is therefore fitting that two competitions will be hosted this month in order to alleviate the pain in your pants. The first is Pee Week, which began on Tuesday; this competition ran last year as well and was a great success in clearing the Pee backlog down to about 17 pages and was critically acclaimed by all 4 participants. Now, once again, all members of PEEING are summoned to the edge of the bowl to help clear a blockage which, according to RAHB, is "Backed up like a fat gerbil in a small tube". The competition this time has been started by Lyrithya; you know her, she's the crazy dame with all the wacky ideas about "Accountability" and "Standards". When asked to make a quick speech to commemorate the start of Pee Week she didn't say anything, so we made something up: "I now declare the revels open", she might have said. The rules are very simple: do reviews, wait in mounting anticipation for your review to be checked, list it here, move out of parents house, win a template, kiss a lady. It's that simple. The other competition that loomed into view this week was the PLS, our biggest writing competition. It's so cool that some of you may wish to beat box while reading the rest of this story so you feel like you're in "da club", because that's cool, right? This competition is being hosted by a harsh spunk-chugger who had plenty to say to the UnSignpost about the PLS, but as we unfortunately have other stories to get onto this week, we cannot provide you with any of the 73 page interview. Luckily Zombiebaron was on hand to say a quick word about the PLS: "Zombiebaron". The competition is very much the same as it has been, except this year the Best Alternate Namespace Article category has been dropped in favour of a Best Collaboration category, a controversial move due to the poor performance of such a category in previous years. ChiefjusticeDS had no comment to make about this, preferring instead to talk to our correspondent about his new book, "My Shit Life in 4,000 Pages". The competition starts on the 20th of this month, but judges are needed to judge (duh) the categories and there are still some spots available - see here for information and general blabbering about aircraft carriers and whatnot. Vandals destroy Uncyclopedia By Bizzeebeever In a massive meme fight which no one bothered to pay attention to until it was too late, two psychotic neurotic narcissists utterly destroyed the once-proud institution known as Uncyclopedia. "I banned them both for eternity!" said Uncyclopedia nanny Lyrithya, with tears in her eyes. "But their actions had already set in motion a horrible, horrible doom for us all, just like building that suburb on top of an Indian burial ground in the movie Poltergeist caused a hell-mouth to open. Oh, God. *shifty eyes*" The two vandals, who had been writing a rapidly-devolving series of articles incorporating the motif of a talking polar bear, apparently became so inane that their stupidity-streams crossed, tearing a crack in the Uncyclopedia space-time continuum. Suddenly, every Uncyclopedia article became commingled with its Encyclopedia Dramatica version. The entire Lovecraftian horror was quickly destroyed by a nuclear-armed United Nations hit squad. The cheeky monkeys, known as Izbeenoneweek and Bizzeebeever, are believed to be recovering from their wounds somewhere in their respective mothers' basements, however the future looks far from rosy for either of them. Various current and past Uncyclopedians, ranging from SPIKE to TheHumbucker to Zombiebaron, are said to be pissed to the point of wanting to track the two pranksters down and kill them with an iron-bound physical copy of HTBFANJS. "I'm coming back to the charred remains of Uncyclopedia, just to kill these fuckers," said Dr. Skullthumper. "Oh, by the way, hi, Lyrithya."

Check out these pages! Quite Important Probably Important Definitely Important Hugely Important Most Important From our logs: 09:52, September 8, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 203.36.44.72 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (You and Zac need to sit down and wank all these pesky little differences away) 06:33, September 10, 2011 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 193.200.150.82 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Have you been following me? I would have let you join in if you'd only asked.) 19:27, September 13, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked 207.191.188.66 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Please stop sucking. It's really getting uncomfortable.) 08:26, September 13, 2011 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Samt1337 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (No, sir, the Piss-off hasn't started yet. Why don't you come back in...forever.) 21:07, September 11, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked GEORGIEGIBBONS (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 second ‎ (Blocks follow bans in necessary circumstances, or so the wikipedians tell me.) 10:55, September 11, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Frosty (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 911 minutes ‎ (NEVER FORGET those old archived forums you bumped in the name of PATRIOTISM) Biopic of the Week Right, big news out of the way first: nobody is the biopic this week. Hard luck; perhaps you'll be the biopic next week. This week. the UnSignpost is navel-gazing again and thanking the staff of the UnSignpost for the hard work they have put in on the UnSignpost. Who are these people? They answer questions, eat my biscuits, write the stories while I'm dancing with lorry drivers and they also eat my biscuits. They have taken up the slack admirably and we should all afford them a moment of respect. Whoever they are. OK, that was fun. However do any of you remember the UnSignpost dog? Yes? Congratulations; you are not as daft as the UnSignpost team, because they certainly couldn't. I saw him crammed into a tiny corner of last week's issue with hardly any room to breathe, frolic or fetch. You should all be ashamed of yourselves. To make up for this unforgivable lapse he's in this issue twice. When asked to comment, the UnSignpost dog gave this scathing indictment of the UnSignpost team: "Woof". Reason to leave Uncyclopedia #64 There's no free bacon with this issue. Newsroom UnTune of the week Uncyclopedia Didn't Start The Fire

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:11, September 15, 2011 (UTC)

UnPoetia:A Visit from Satanbear

There. I did it. Challenge accepted. -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 21 September 2011, at 23:39

What? Oh... I can be bothered to write an article now. So... er... have you read Subliminal stimuli? -- 02:57, September 24, 2011 (UTC)

Yeah, I enjoyed it very much. Especially the nazi flag, and the Elmo's World subliminal gif. I always thought I was the only one that thought the dust blown in "The Lion King" spelled 'SEX'. Until I realized that others had seen that as well. -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 25 September 2011, at 18:58

Well, you do know the story behind that dust message, don't you? The special effects team wanted to leave their mark on the film, so they made the dust spell 'SFX' for two frames of the film. But unfortunately, they failed to realize that the rest of the dust made the 'F' look like an 'E'. And so, it was put in the movie. -- 01:18, September 26, 2011 (UTC)

That makes a lot of more sense. I noticed (by YouTube) there are a few subliminal messages in Disney films, including something about a topless woman being in The Rescuers (a movie i've never seen). -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 26 September 2011, at 01:29

Brought to you by Lion Bars! It's the UnSignpost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper With Love In Every Paragraph!

September 22nd, 2011 • Issue 139 •Lion Bars, so many Lion Bars.

Lion Bar Week By Chief All good things must come to an end, and so, apparently, must everything else, as Pee Week successfully concluded on Tuesday of this week, having encouraged users to complete a whole 23 reviews! This mammoth undertaking means that it now takes only 10 minutes to scroll to the bottom of the Pee queue, and truly showcased the difference the promise of a special template can bring. One of the competition rewards is a "write-up" for the winner in the UnSignpost about "Their general awesomeness". Despite having attempted to explain that we don't do nice write-ups here and offering to publicly rubbish the families and friends of the winner instead, we eventually agreed to provide said write-up in return for a week's supply of Lion Bars. I mean, Lion Bars! I didn't even know you could get them in shops any more! If you break them in half it's like a Lion's Mouth, I mean it's like "ROOOOAR"! Anyway, so as we sat down, with a week's supply of Lion Bars, no less, to prepare this "glowing write-up" (which we were only doing because we got free Lion Bars). We thought it might be prudent to find out who had won Pee Week, and it turns out that the big winner is Frosty. Well, not really; we're the real winners because we got free Lion Bars. However, assuming success is not measured in Lion Bars (which it is), Frosty has indeed won. Frosty is a truly spiffing chap whose ability to Pee is only surpassed by his ability to eat Lion Bars; we do after all have a week's supply of Lion Bars so we could afford to share some with him. Frosty completed 6 in-depth reviews over the course of Pee Week, all of which we are sure were thoughtful, interesting and well-written. When asked to comment on his success, Frosty had this to say: "Well of course, it wasn't about the rewards and recognition, it was about- are those Lion Bars?" All the other people we interviewed about Frosty all told us he was fantastic, but he was quickly forgotten when our interviewees discovered that we had a sack full of Lion Bars with us and they only lapsed into further raptures of joy when we revealed that you can snap Lion Bars in half and roar. There you have it: Frosty is pretty awesome for winning Pee Week, but not quite as awesome as a week's supply of Lion Bars. "ROOOOOAR" Editor's note: Whether or not this is considered a "glowing" write-up is neither here nor there; we have an expert (kindly referred to us by the good people at Lion Bars) who is prepared to testify that this story is 200% more cheerful than usual. The editor would also like to thank everyone who was involved in Pee Week for their hard work in helping to clear the Pee queue. News from the Forums By Chief You all love the forums right? Of course you do; everyone loves a good shout (IN CAPS!) and a spot of drama. So this week the UnSignpost has checked out the forums to tell you what is really going on on Uncyclopedia. First up is the most important news - the Poo Lit Surprise started on Tuesday and we have dispatched our roving reporters to the competition in order to interview participants, write stories and other journalistic stuff you wouldn't understand. We understand that the competition is expecting record turnout this year, with six articles submitted at the time of going to press. Six! Next you'll be telling us that people vote on VFP more than once every six months and that more than two people know how to use the new abuse filter. The other fascinating topic in the forum is that of the sidebar. You see it there at the side? Well that's the sidebar, clue's in the name. Basically Lyrithya thinks the sidebar is unacceptable; there are just too many links on it. The solution? Voting and lots of it; with 45 voting headers in the forum at the time of going to press, even Uncyclopedia's most avid voters will be able to get their daily voting fix here. The UnSignpost invites users to go over and create their very own voting header and vote for that as that seems to be exactly what everyone else is doing. Assuming Uncyclopedia hasn't disappeared in some kind of voting singularity by next week, the UnSignpost will be here to explain to you exactly what is going on with the sidebar, something which at the moment is being shaped almost solely by Mattsnow, Aimsplode and TheHappySpaceman, with occasional input from Zombiebaron and Socky. We don't think we need to explain to you why this is not right. The other stuff in the forum is about Hyperbole reaching 50.5 features, the site notice being filled with bodily fluids, a bumped forum from about seven months ago and this forum which has been going for about 3 weeks now, and, like the Panda in Zombiebaron's first book, just needs to have its brain consumed and die.

Check out all our Lion Bars! So many Lion Bars Competitions Pictures! Nobody uses this apparently Nobody goes here either From our logs: 08:32, September 17, 2011 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Joebloe334 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (Wait, I don't get it. Don't your poorly-manicured enormous Jew claws hurt the black men's enormous dongs? Eh. To each their own, I suppose.) 11:55, September 18, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked PuppyOnTheRadio (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 324 seconds ‎ (saw you on Twitter, existing. This riled me. So I'm banning you. Fair?) 09:23, September 15, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked David 1981 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (I hope you realize that 95% of computers come with a free version of solitare) 15:01, September 19, 2011 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked 92.40.253.85 (Talk) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (U MAD @ HAVING NOTHING IN YOUR LIFE ONLY TIRED INTERNET MEMES AND A TOTAL LACK OF CREATIVITY WHICH YOU MASK WITH YOU PATHETIC ATTEMPT AT TROLLING, BRAH?) 14:27, September 18, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked 92.4.128.234 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (We discriminate against gibberish speakers around here.) Biopic of the Week Well, as you all know, the UnSignpost has a very special place for Biopic of the week, namely somewhere that isn't in the UnSignpost. As for the last two weeks we have avoided biopicing an actual person, preferring to biopic chairs, dogs and a picture instead. Well, no more, because this week we are taking a closer look at TheSlyFox. He's been around since 2006 but didn't pick up his first ban until this year which, we believe, means he is a troublemaker, a villain and a cad. All people of quality are banned within their first year. Worse, he didn't subscribe to the UnSignpost until this year either. He has written a few articles and his greatest achievement is the creation of this template. Truly this man is the greatest mystery Uncyclopedia has to offer; nobody knows who he is or what he does, but one thing's for certain: if he isn't nominating your favourite images to be burned in Forest Fire Week, he's quietly working away at an article or voting on the voting pages. You know, just like you should all be doing. Good work, TheSlyFox, but we want at least two featured articles before December or we're removing the second paragraph of this biopic, don't think we won't. I have your dog. Note from Lyrithya To you know who you are: I still have your dog. I know I already said you won't ever see her again, but I've changed my mind - if you ever want to see her again, there is one thing you can do for me. Give me your other dog. Or a Lion Bar. Newsroom UnTune of the week Bobby Brown Goes Down (PMRC Edition) Reason to stay on Uncyclopedia #1 You might get free Lion Bars! OK, we're definitely done with the whole Lion Bars thing now.

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~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 07:44, September 22, 2011 (UTC)

Hey MM

Would you happen to know how to make false links with arabic text? I have a good idea for one of my articles but I just can't do it :S Here's a sample of Arabic, please help!! Mattsnow 04:04, September 24, 2011 (UTC) لا أتكلم العربالسلام عليكمبُرْتُقَالِي

Do you mean like this?: لا أتكلم العربالسلام عليكمبُرْتُقَالِي If so, the code is this: {{Fakelink|لا أتكلم العربالسلام عليكمبُرْتُقَالِي|This is a fake link.}}. Hope I helped. -- 05:54, September 24, 2011 (UTC)

Awesome! Thanks. And it's great to see that all 4 of the articles we had for the competition have been featured. We are machines. Great rework of Subliminal Stimuli, I like it. Mattsnow 06:15, September 24, 2011 (UTC)

Thanks. And as for the competition articles, we had a pretty good team of writers. I mean, with you, Oliphaunte and Black flamingo, we had a really good chance. Anyway, glad I helped, and also glad you liked Subliminal Stimuli. -- 15:24, September 24, 2011 (UTC)

Yes, when we're gonna be old, we're gonna look back and cry with nostalgia: "What a team that was! Now Oliphaunte has a walker, MM is at the old folks home, but back in the days we wrote great shit" LOL... I finished the article where I needed your help, it's an UnNews, what do you think about it? User:Mattsnow/UnNews:Obama: "Iran will have a nuke by 2167!". Mattsnow 22:43, September 24, 2011 (UTC)

I like it. The only part I don't really like is the part with Hillary Clinton advertising. That part seems like you were just trying to make it longer. Other than that, looks like it's ready for mainspace. -- 23:46, September 24, 2011 (UTC)

UnBooks:I don't feel well...

...is on VFH. Maybe you could be kind enough to vote for it? :D -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 27 September 2011, at 01:27

Sure, sure. -- 00:58, September 28, 2011 (UTC)

Hold onto your wage packets! It's the UnSignpost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper Not Secretly Controlled By Mordillo, We Swear!

September 29th, 2011 • Issue 140 •A Periodical for the Uncyclopedian of tomorrow, today!

Poo Underway By Chief What's that you say? We can't possibly run a story on the Poo Lit Surprise for a third consecutive week? Well what on earth gave you that idea? No this story is about the other goings on on Uncyclopedia that certainly aren't the Poo Lit Surprise, which incidentally is happening at the moment. So for absolutely no real reason we called in to speak to Oliphaunte who we found crying his eyes out somewhere that most certainly wasn't the PLS. "It's just so unfair" he sobbed to our wholly unsympathetic reporters "I worked so hard and now on a technicality I have had two articles disqualified from the-" Unfortunately a huge Rhinocerous then appeared from nowhere and ate Oliphaunte before he could tell us what he had been disqualified from; much to the delight of our assembled reporters who could all now knock off work forty minutes early. However an interesting fact that we did dig up is that if Oliphaunte had been disqualified from the PLS, something which we can't confirm, it would make him the first Uncyclopedian to ever be disqualified from two separate PLS categories, for the same reason, in the same day. Ha ha ha, how embarrassing that would be. It has also come to the attention of our editorial team that there is a worrying noob shortage on Uncyclopedia, how do they know this? They know this because on passing the PLS page on our way to... peace and quiets we happened to notice that there are currently no entrants for the best noob article category, something which any aspiring new users should take note of, since you need only churn out a piece of utter shite quality in order to scoop the prize and earn the adoration of your peers. For those who are interested in trifling, uninteresting and unrelated news, PLS articles are being accepted until the 4th of October so there is still ample time for you to pen some kind of hilarious article about a Dog called Dover who rides a cloud around the world and combats the environmental effects of Globalisation with a magical beret. This story has been all about the PLS, we totally fooled you. Shame and VFH By Chief The headline says it all. The shame that we all should feel for the state of things and the location of that shame. This is the news that VFH hit a new and highly interesting low this week. All five of you who visited the page may well have noticed the banner at the top (which is gone now, in a transparent attempt to stop me having something else to ramble about this week) declaring that while we aren't short on articles that the community thinks are worthy of a spot on the front page, we are short of a community to confirm this. Well no we aren't it's just they are all very very busy. Frosty for instance is exceptionally busy creating and maintaining forums like this, while Aimsplode is still desperately flogging the deceased equine that is this... thing. Clearly these people are not to be distracted by the social niceties of voting and the creative process. Another, much more interesting revelation this week came when TheHappySpaceman declared his hatred of "My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic" which polls show has recently become more popular among Uncyclopedians than www.pornforsadlonelybastards.com. We didn't bother asking him for comment, partly because laziness is next to Godliness but also because he hates ponies so is unlikely to find a group of journalists asking him for quotes about the same any more enjoyable. So there you have it, TheHappySpaceman hates ponies and nobody is voting on VFH. Truly these are the darkest of days.

Check out these pages! Still going Still going Still alive Still full of excrement From our logs: 19:27, September 24, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked 217.39.99.250 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (If you're going to blank a page, just edit the entire page and remove everything. Doing it section by section is just silly.) 13:17, September 24, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked 86.182.0.109 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (Redirect insults. Now there's something you don't see every day.) 16:28, September 27, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Swagswagswag (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (One day for being chronically unfunny, the rest of it because I just don't like you. Your eyes are too close together.) 21:33, September 26, 2011 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 59.183.148.10 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (Uncyclopedia is not for self promotion. Neither is Wikipedia, but I guess they haven't figured it out yet or something.) 18:42, September 23, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 173.19.198.60 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (Let us have a massive rave covered in excrement. In fact I'm going to have one now. On my own. With glowsticks!) Biopic of the Week I kissed a lady once. On an unrelated note you should really check out Frosty's userpage. It's pretty cool. This periodical fully accepts and affirms that this is a cop-out. We just ate too many Lion Bars you see. I didn't even think that was possible. Thing we should all know this week. 04:25 Uncyclopedia talk:Votes for deletion‎ (diff|hist) . . (+8) . . Bizzeebeever (Talk|contribs) (RANT ALERT: Once again, fixing my broken signature, and hoping no one notices.) Bad news Bizzeebeever, we all noticed. For shame. Newsroom UnTune of the week White trash girl

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-- 01:16, September 29, 2011 (UTC)

Yeah, like... let me finish that.

I appreciate that you're trying to help and all that, but there's a better way. I'll just find a script or something. 1234 ~ 01:46, 29 September 2011

It's actually quite ironic. I was having a terrible time, but didn't want to stop, thus letting all of Uncyclopedia down. Also, the reason I was going so slow was because I was distracted. Anyway, sorry for the whole mix-up, and thanks for not over reacting and banning me for a day or something, like I know some of the other admins would have done. -- 01:58, September 29, 2011 (UTC)

O_o That would be... silly. But anyhoo, next time, just give me a yell. If that doesn't work, well... then you may need to do it after all, or maybe find someone faster at such things. 1234 ~ 02:08, 29 September 2011

KKK. Thanks. -- 12:47, September 29, 2011 (UTC)

PLS

¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡ ¡ ¡ ¡ ¡¡ ¡ ¡ ¡¡¡ ¡ ¡¡¡ ¡ ¡¡ ¡ ¡ ¡¡ ¡ ¡¡ ¡ ¡ ¡¡ ¡ ¡ ¡ ¡ ¡ ¡ ¡ ¡ ¡¡ ¡ ¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡ ¡¡¡ ¡¡ ¡¡¡ ¡¡ ¡¡¡¡ ¡¡¡ ¡ ¡ ¡ ¡ ¡¡ ¡¡¡¡¡¡ ¡¡ ¡¡¡¡¡¡¡ ¡ ¡ ¡¡¡¡ ¡¡¡¡ ¡¡ ¡¡¡ ¡ ¡ ¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡ ¡¡¡¡ ¡¡ ¡¡ ¡¡ ¡¡ ¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡ ¡ ¡¡¡ ¡¡ ¡¡¡¡¡ ¡¡¡ ¡¡ ¡¡¡ ¡¡¡¡ ¡¡ ¡¡¡¡¡¡ ¡¡¡ ¡¡ ¡¡ ¡¡ ¡¡¡ ¡¡ ¡¡ ¡¡ ¡¡ ¡¡ NICE ARTICLE MAGIC MAN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!! ! ! ! !!!!!!! !!!! ! ! ! ! !  !!!!!!!! !! !!!! !!! !! !!! !!!!! !  ! !!!! !!!! ! !!!! !!!! ! !!!!!! !! !!! !!! ! ! !!!!! !!!! ! ! !  ! ! !!  ! ! !!!!!! ¡¡¡ !!!!!! ¡ !!!!!!!!!! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !! ! ! ! !  !!! ! !!!!! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!  !!!  !! ! !! ! ! !!! !!! !!!!! ! ! !  !! ! ! ! !! ! ! ! !  !!! ! ! ! ! ! ! --ShabiDOO 01:00, October 6, 2011 (UTC)

Which one? -- 01:10, October 6, 2011 (UTC)

Oh... *Facepalm* Thanks. -- 01:10, October 6, 2011 (UTC)

No problem. If I was the judge...I'd hand the prize to you!!! --ShabiDOO 03:08, October 8, 2011 (UTC)

Glad to hear you liked it. At least someone does. -- 03:10, October 8, 2011 (UTC)

A day late, because ChiefjusticeDS got lazy: The UnSignPost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Th-the m-m-most con-confident new-Newspaper in a wh-while

October 6th, 2011 • Issue 141 •Am I still on that fecking island?

It's all over! By Frosty Well obviously people are getting sick of hearing about it (because ChiefjusticeDS has done nothing but blab about it for the past 3 issues, thus making it dull and boring by the time it is actually worth mentioning), but the bi-annual Uncyclopedia:Poo Lit Surprise is locked for judging and shall be until the 12th, when the winner will be announced! I have to say, as a judge, there are some pretty aspiring, feature worthy works being displayed and it really bring out the best of Uncyclopedia. But then again, some works don't look like they are quite finished and the 2 weeks have simply flown past for some of the hopefuls. I am also disappointed that our n00bs where two n00bish to actually include any entries except for one, which has subsequently won without any effort. Anyway I'm pretty sure we know who has the best article and will therefore win the whole ordeal. But really, what will become of all this? Further proof that all Uncyclopedians are a series of monkeys on typewriters? Or some top notch quality humor for the enjoyment of all and enough features to fill the queue until Christmas? Well I'm going to play it by ear, and wait until the judging part is over and done with. Because as far as I can see if our writers are as competent at our judges, there is no hope what so ever. JUDGES GET JUDGING, OR YOU'LL BE VERY VERY SORRY INEED! The bitch is back! By Frosty Oh yes, a phrase used all too frequently to indicate some loser is indeed amongst us again. Tom mayfair, a user who has been largely dorment since 2008 has made an epic comeback in the past week swearing eternal allegiance to the cause once more. He came barging in demanding his sysop powers back (with success I might add) and got right back down to editing again. Good work Tom! But this of course makes us all wonder where the hell the lad has been for the last couple of years, after all he only made a groundbreaking 6 edits in 2010. So why the hell has his sad domestic life become more important than us suddenly? Well the truth is, he's got a wife or something as far as I've been told told over IRC and so he is probably more preoccupied with the better things in life, rather than some sad little websites full of people who can't write to save their lives. I therefore hate the loser for making a mockery out of us all. We're going to lose our precious talk pages! By Frosty Oh yeah, because wikia is all bright 'n'all, we're going to be losing our talk pages for some fancy pants message walls kind of like facebook. Users have expressed outrage to this, in the form of angry forums, flame wars, letter bombs and urban terrorism. I don't blame 'em either, this is just plain unacceptable, I have a list there of people that owe me money! Anyway the petition is 'ere, go add your name to the over 200 that are already there for all the good it'll do. Now back to my sulking about my precious talk page...

Check out these pages! Can we please? Can we not? Can we laugh? Can we stop? Can we all vote? From our logs: 07:37, September 30, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Frosty (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 300 seconds ‎ (Rasputin, bring forth the bucket of soapy frogs and remove his trousers) 08:01, October 2, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 108.9.10.18 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (Nothing better than sitting down to a nice big plate of penis in the evening) 02:51, October 3, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked Lollipop (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Wanted me deopped... ) 01:09, October 6, 2011 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked PIGGY (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a frying pan. Yep. ‎ (I can see those button eyes. They might fool the people at the button club, but not me. I stopped going to that place years ago.) 04:21, October 6, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked An eggplant (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Lyrithya sock) 22:30, October 6, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked Scofield (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (I'm sure your stay would have been more smooth if you tried as hard to contribute to the site as you do to vandalize it.) Biopic of the Week This week's biopic is Pee review. Many of you who participated in Pee Week recently have not done a review since then. Please get reviewing again, so that we don't have a huge back log to review and Lyrithya doesn't start flailing all over the place again. This writer has done one this month and plans to do another once he delivers the UnSignpost. Follow his example and review an article today, there is a prize involved you know? List of others who are also back, but unworthy of a whole section to their name Roman Dog Bird Kip the Dip Necropaxx Nikau <insert name here> Newsroom UnTune of the week Shit... Shit... Shit...

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~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 01:36, October 7, 2011 (UTC)

Good shit

I see subliminal stimuli got featured. It's good to see someone work on a piece and get it featured rather than crack the sad's and quit the site after an initial failed nom. Good Work! I understand and I wish to continue. . 00:46, October 8, 2011 (UTC)

Thanks, mon! I like to work on articles until they're feature quality, taking everyone's opinion into account. I treat it like a challenge, and I like challenges. I've got a couple articles that have failed VFH more than once, and I am still working toward getting them featured! Anyway, thanks again, and congrats on your first feature! Hopefully many more to come! -- 03:03, October 8, 2011 (UTC)

You wrote and voted for Subliminal stimuli, which got featured!

A million thanks! -- 03:46, October 8, 2011 (UTC)

Wanna go on IRC, MM?

Mattsnow 03:50, October 8, 2011 (UTC)

Surdy, sure. -- 03:51, October 8, 2011 (UTC)

Cosmic meta-physical question

If a man without a nose sitting alone in a kitchen cuts the cheese, does it make a smell? --ShabiDOO 01:15, October 10, 2011 (UTC)

Yes Mattsnow 01:30, October 10, 2011 (UTC)

Let me answer your question with a question, Shabidoo. If a deaf man goes to court, is it still called a hearing? -- 01:32, October 10, 2011 (UTC)

Yes Mattsnow 01:34, October 10, 2011 (UTC)

Then let me ask you this: If a man says something in the woods, and there's no women around to hear him, is he still wrong? -- 01:35, October 10, 2011 (UTC)

Yes Mattsnow 01:42, October 10, 2011 (UTC)

Well what about this one?: If a tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it, do the other trees make fun of it? -- 01:48, October 10, 2011 (UTC)

Let me respond to your avoiding the question with me avoiding your three questions. If a man pre-ejaculates and the woman doesn't notice, is he still a stallion? --ShabiDOO 01:49, October 10, 2011 (UTC)

Let me answer your question with a picture of oatmeal.

-- 01:54, October 10, 2011 (UTC)

Yes Mattsnow 01:56, October 10, 2011 (UTC)

If a tree falls in a forest and it hits a mime, would he make a noise? -- 01:57, October 10, 2011 (UTC)

Damn...you won in the first one to laugh out loud loses (oatmeal pic). I loose. Maybe Mattsnow will actually answer one of our questions!!!!!! ?? --ShabiDOO 01:58, October 10, 2011 (UTC)

Yes Mattsnow 02:03, October 10, 2011 (UTC)

Mattsnow...if I murder you before you have a chance to say yes, will you still have conveyed a yes? --ShabiDOO 02:11, October 10, 2011 (UTC)

Oatmeal, it's the right thing to do. -- 03:41, October 10, 2011 (UTC)

Errr.. I think we should get door handle out of userspace, Hauted Undies read it and wants to nom it! Also... Yes Mattsnow 03:46, October 10, 2011 (UTC)

We should wait until the articles are unlocked. We could just copy the article into the main space, but I am worried that an admin might ban me for breaking some unknown rule/made up rule. I think we could wait a couple days. In the mean time...you could colab with me with a couple articles ive started. User:Shabidoo/Extra mega brownie points and/or User:Shabidoo/Five Easy Steps :) :) :)

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go teach some young evil spoiled 20 somethings about how evil their future career in the stock market is. --ShabiDOO 05:18, October 10, 2011 (UTC)

Did you know

...that Somalia is considered a hyper free market? Without any government, products and services are traded based solely on supply and demand with limited marketing or branding. Buying rice can be cheap just after the harvest (as there is a great supply but normal demand) and it can be quite expensive when the market area becomes a gun battle scene (as few merchants will sell rice with bullets flying around). Rocket launchers are freely available on the open market and it can be purchased for a few hundred dollar (which is the salary of a typical somalian stretched over ten years minus weekly payments to local war lords). Human beings can purchase objects and human beings can be sold as objects. This pure free market is an example of what the new global order can acheive if we embrace the principles of small government and business self regulating. --ShabiDOO 02:23, October 15, 2011 (UTC)

Alright, you convinced me. I'm in. -- 03:26, October 15, 2011 (UTC)

Not exactly what Ron Paul envisions when he talks about free markets... :S You're in Somalia, traveler? Mattsnow 03:30, October 15, 2011 (UTC)

I'm on the moon. -- 03:39, October 15, 2011 (UTC)

Stop using drugs :P Mattsnow 04:03, October 15, 2011 (UTC)

Too late. -- 04:09, October 15, 2011 (UTC)

I'm actually in Uranus right now. Interpret that comment any way you want. -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 15 October 2011, at 04:16

Sexy... -- 04:30, October 15, 2011 (UTC)

LMAO Lollipoo! Mattsnow 04:44, October 15, 2011 (UTC)

Lollipoo? Is that some sort of new nickname for me? I would of prefered "Mikey", but "Lollipoo" is fine. -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 15 October 2011, at 04:52

Okay...so we have managed to convince Afghanistan, Chad, the Central African Republic, Congo, Zimbabwe to join us and we have Pakistan, North Korea and Lybia well on their way. Who is next??? --ShabiDOO 13:39, October 15, 2011 (UTC)

That one alternate reality in which I have a mustache, and everyone owns a duck. -- 14:50, October 15, 2011 (UTC)

Fifteen horizontal radiators drive crawlingly around the socks. --ShabiDOO 15:05, October 15, 2011 (UTC)

Forty-five purple cactuses swim swimmingly into a pine-cone. -- 15:08, October 15, 2011 (UTC)

Negative eighteen fluffy yellows go goingly around an impossible embarassment. --ShabiDOO 15:59, October 15, 2011 (UTC)

Who's next? Venezuela. They tried to get Chavez in 2002, but didn't succeed. They'll lie even more about him about that dictatorial nonsense, or they'll plain kill him. See the awesome documentary "The Revolution will not be televised" on Youtube for what happened there in 2002. The US government and medias didn't talk too much about it! Mattsnow 20:37, October 15, 2011 (UTC)

One unhappy Chavez is executed terribly in Venezuela. -- 20:44, October 15, 2011 (UTC)

Zero uncyclopedians are slightly duct taped unwittingly to Chavez' forehead. --ShabiDOO 03:27, October 16, 2011 (UTC)

HERE AH COME!

 ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Wed, Oct 19 '11 3:00 (UTC)

I win.

-- 03:40, October 19, 2011 (UTC)

...OR DO YOU?!?

 ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Wed, Oct 19 '11 4:00 (UTC)

No, I do. Wait, that doesn't even make sense...

-- 20:14, October 19, 2011 (UTC)

You win!

Wanna be a poopsmith? -- T​K​F​​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​UU​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​CK 05:17, October 19, 2011 (UTC)

Yeah, but Lyrithya‎ & Socky already made me one. -- 19:57, October 19, 2011 (UTC)

Boooooooooooooooooo. Whatever happened to chain of command? *deops them both* -- T​K​F​​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​UU​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​CK 21:38, October 19, 2011 (UTC)

Sorry. But if you want, you can remove my name from the list, and the poopsmith template from my userpage and then re-add them to feel like you did something. -- 22:04, October 19, 2011 (UTC)

Award from UN:REQ

This user created Hearing impairment, an article originally requested on Uncyclopedia:Requested articles. You're welcome!

A little something about ΥΣΣ

Do you know if I get points for requested articles I wrote before a became a member? -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 23:19, October 19, 2011 (UTC)

No, you do not. It kinda sucks, but it makes sense. When I first became a member I had just written a requested article, and I was like, "Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!" Except a little shorter, or maybe it was longer, I can't remember now... -- 00:38, October 20, 2011 (UTC)

Important

This was earth before free market capitalism

--ShabiDOO 23:48, October 19, 2011 (UTC)

And this is me before capitalism:

-- 00:41, October 20, 2011 (UTC)

so youre a gymnist

Ever thought about writing an article about it??? --ShabiDOO 17:21, October 20, 2011 (UTC)

It's spelled 'gymnast'. But ya know what? I might just do that. -- 19:54, October 20, 2011 (UTC)

That may be hilarious! Since you know about gymnastics and funny stuff that could happen, I think it's a great topic idea! And you should have knocked that coach out senseless! :P Mattsnow 20:07, October 20, 2011 (UTC)

an even more importanter announcement

This is the earth and moon after being in a comsic dryer

--ShabiDOO 23:13, October 20, 2011 (UTC)

And this is me after being in a cosmic dryer:

-- 00:59, October 21, 2011 (UTC)

Hohoho

Isn't this the best thing you have heard today? --Mimo&maxus 17:46, October 21, 2011 (UTC)

Definitely. -- 17:57, October 21, 2011 (UTC)

Poop. --Mimo&maxus 17:58, October 21, 2011 (UTC)

Butt poop, to be exact. -- 19:11, October 21, 2011 (UTC)

How can you say something like that? :'O --Mimo&maxus 19:12, October 21, 2011 (UTC)

Because. -- 22:33, October 25, 2011 (UTC)

Yes

Yes. --ShabiDOO 21:10, October 25, 2011 (UTC)

No. -- 22:33, October 25, 2011 (UTC)

YES! --ShabiDOO 23:41, October 25, 2011 (UTC)

I disagree. -- 23:45, October 25, 2011 (UTC)

YES! --ShabiDOO 00:13, October 26, 2011 (UTC)

The opposite of that. -- 00:23, October 26, 2011 (UTC)

YES!

I don't think so. -- 00:35, October 26, 2011 (UTC)

YES! --ShabiDOO 01:27, October 26, 2011 (UTC)

No. -- 12:28, October 26, 2011 (UTC)

Double yes. --ShabiDOO 11:41, October 31, 2011 (UTC)

Triple no. --<Insert scary, violent and visually frightening signature here> Boo! 12:28, October 31, 2011 (UTC)

Err... Quadruple maybe? Mattsnow 01:55, November 1, 2011 (UTC)

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The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The periodical without any junk in its trunk!

October 27th, 2011 • Issue 142 •Woop Woop! it's the sound of the Police UnSignpost!

Regular Servicing By Chief Over the past two weeks Uncyclopedia has been a dreary and empty place. Uncyclopedians flit through the corridors unseeing, unknowing, unfeeling, uncaring. The reason? The UnSignpost has missed two issues. Now the UnSignpost would like to apologise for this, we would like to say that it was because Capitalist demonstrators have been camped outside our offices demanding that we stop producing terrible material for nothing, but we cannot because they aren't. We don't even have an office so if that were true it would be something of an achievement. No it is the blight that has caused the fall of so many UnSignpost editors: laziness and life. Like the Grim Reaper in Final Destination they stalk you from the second you write an issue and then, when you least expect it, they strike all of a sudden you have priorities and you can't be arsed to complete any of them, which would be a problem, if you could be arsed to care. But fear not normal service has now resumed and the UnSignpost will be making its way to talk pages again this Thursday, which should please all four of the people who are A: active enough to read the UnSignpost, B: Not members of the editorial team who have read it already and C: Haven't read it while it is being written. The other big news from approximately two weeks ago is that the Poo Lit Surprise is finished, much to the delight of everyone. The big winners were of course Uncyclopedia and the creative process, there are no losers on Uncyclopedia after all, only the sad pathetic freaks who come in last. Of course they do not stand comparison to the biggest loser of all; the 11th Poo Lit Surprise chairperson ChiefjusticeDS who had quite a lot to say about the competition, happily we have managed to condense all of the 4 hour interview down to 8 words: "I was very glad to host the PLS". The real winners, besides the creative process, Uncyclopedia, Jesus and Democracy, are listed here. Special mention must go to Black flamingo11 for winning both Best Article and Best Collaboration (with Lyrithya) and also for being the runner up in the Best Rewrite category. Black flamingo had this to say about his incredible success: "SQUAWK", you can also listen to his full reaction just here, he's in the third row, fourth from the right. The Return of the Tide By Mattsnow As assorted drama unfolds around our beloved Wiki, it should be noted that some people have foolishly returned to the site, passing up the opportunity for a lucrative career milking cows or watching sheep. They have returned, we assume, for the simple fun of writing funny articles, the fools. Such bipolar candidates include everyone's favourite opiate Codeine. Try not to get his heart rate above 90 which, coincidentally, is his estimated age. His doctor told us in an exclusive interview that he may not make it if he so much as stands for more than 3 consecutive minutes, and that his obsessive "Anniversary" edits may hint as being a first grade of dementia. UnSignpost statisticians (yes really) have also calculated that this is the 15th time Codeine has returned to the wiki this year. At the other extreme of the sanity spectrum. Nikau who came back to the wiki with a vengeance: clogging up Recent Changes, writing 4 articles at the same time while doing Pee Reviews and drinking around 40 cans of Red Bull per hour in order to keep up the frantic pace. It is believed that he edits the wiki on 3 separate computers at the same time: two with his hands and one with his toes. He would probably do even more if it would not mean that he would be persistently edit conflicting himself. The community is really grateful for the return of such marvellous dinosaurs and decided to organize a Rhinoceros BBQ in their honour. Friday at <insert name here>'s house. Please bring your own dancing girls or we'll have to use Olipro and Mhaille again, and nobody has quite recovered after last time yet.

Check out these pages! Is he trying to tell us something? Whore your pointless, worthless scribbles here And you can't even name three of them A wholly unimportant forum topic, totally! Because all those books, plays and verses aren't doing that at all From our logs: 16:46, October 20, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked 202.176.202.139 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 days ‎ (Not being Zombiebaron) 16:45, October 20, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked 71.202.230.133 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 days ‎ (Not being Zombiebaron) 16:45, October 20, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked 67.241.118.255 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Not being Zombiebaron) 16:44, October 20, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked 99.48.48.50 (Talk) with an expiry time of 4 days ‎ (Not being Zombiebaron) 13:17, October 18, 2011 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) resurrected Mordillo (Talk | contribs) ‎ (It's because I'm a filthy Jew right?) 01:05, October 19, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked 129.44.83.21 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (Congratulations. Even though my web browser is a massive pile of slow right now, I have still managed to ban you. Doesn't that make you feel special?) Biopic of the Week Is this a pair of pants I see before me? It certainly is because this week the UnSignpost has shaped up, pulled it's finger out and gotten down to it in order to give HauntedUndies a thorough licking. But not in that way. For those of you who do not know HauntedUndies has been knocking about Uncyclopedia since May and in that time has proved himself a worthy UnNews reporter. Now we here at the UnSignpost are far too professional to get bogged down complaining about the lazy tossers who work over at UnNews and will simply say that if HauntedUndies enjoys bathing, not being racist and sleeping with ladies then he won't find very many friends over there. You've probably read some of his stuff if you are the sort of foul-mouthed bigot who enjoys UnNews. No disrespect to you HauntedUndies but it's like you're best friends with Hitler. Now get out there and bring us more featured articles or you'll be very sorry indeed. Also we don't really hate the folks over at UnNews, so feel free to hang out there as much as you like, but don't come crying to us when you end up with some sort of infection. Confessions from Recent Changes "I'm a huge Tarantino fan. There, I said it." - Magic man "This wiki has turned into shit. Please delete this account as I shall never be coming back here" - IsileK "DURRR I JSUT DICSOVERED UNCYECLIPOEDIA OSCAR WILDE SOOOOOO FUNNY!!!!!!!!!!!111" - Roman Dog Bird Newsroom UnTune of the week Hey There, Delilah

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 03:16, 27 October 2011

Happy Halloween!

-- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 1 November 2011, at 01:11

Ewwwwww, worms... --<Insert scary, violent and visually frightening signature here> Boo! 01:18, November 1, 2011 (UTC)

A noob?! --<Insert scary, violent and visually frightening signature here> Boo! 01:19, November 1, 2011 (UTC)

Hey! Pissed is a bad word! --<Insert scary, violent and visually frightening signature here> Boo! 01:19, November 1, 2011 (UTC)

Oh, wait, this is on <choose>, isn't it? --<Insert scary, violent and visually frightening signature here> Boo! 01:22, November 1, 2011 (UTC)

Yep. -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 1 November 2011, at 01:22

Cooooool... --<Insert scary, violent and visually frightening signature here> Boo! 01:23, November 1, 2011 (UTC)

UOTM

	Uncyclopedian of the Month October 2011

-- KittyKitty (t) (c) 05:39, November 1, 2011 (UTC)

Cat daddy! Thanks, dude. --<Insert scary, violent and visually frightening signature here> Boo! 00:21, November 2, 2011 (UTC)

WotM

You Voted for Me for Writer of the Month! Good job!

Thank you very, very much. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 20:34, November 1, 2011 (UTC)

I love you. --<Insert scary, violent and visually frightening signature here> Boo! 00:21, November 2, 2011 (UTC)

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The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Proudly supporting editorial independence whenever the board say it's okay

November 3rd, 2011 • Issue 143 • Forseeing all sorts of unforeseen problems since 2008!

Fundraising By Chief Money, dosh, moolah, cash. It's the time of year when Wikipedia pastes a gigantic banner to the top of all of their pages hosting a link to an inspirational article penned by Wikia-Oberstgruppenführer Jimbo Wales (not to be confused with Uncyclopedian JimboTheKillerWhale). The text of this article usually runs along these lines: "Isn't Wikipedia wonderful? Yes it is. Now if you donate the small sum of £300 we can keep it looking nice and won't have to send it back to its parents in tiny pieces". This is an absolute disgrace. It's like they're holding Wikipedia to ransom; if I wanted to pay for information I'd move to Nazi Germany, assuming I had a time machine, obviously. How does this affect us here on our own benighted wiki? Well, the logged-in among you may well have paused to examine the banner that has been pasted all over the site notice this past week, at least you will have done before you hid it and carried on with whatever it is you people do all day. Predictably Lyrithya, never one to be swayed by the crippling apathy of the Uncyclopedia userbase, has suggested that we all try and create our own banners. Evidently she isn't swayed by the crippling ineptitude of the Uncyclopedia userbase either. Now we'll be brutally honest, the UnSignpost doesn't have a template critic and the current editorial staff aren't really sure how the UnSignpost itself works; we just fill in the boxes. However, as seasoned UnSignpost readers are no doubt aware, ignorance never stands in the way of good journalism, so having affixed berets to our monitors and incredibly condescending and disgusted looks to our faces, we decided to examine the submissions so far. First up is this one, which was made by Magic man in 2010, which brings a certain authority to the piece... we assume. However we simply cannot countenance the font, which makes it look like it was written by a spider on rollerskates. Go back and try again, Magic man, and get a haircut as well. The next choice offering came from the pen of EpicAwesomeness, and here it is. We sat down with EpicAwesomeness so he could talk us through the allegorical significance of the piece: "Well, you know, it has Wikipedia in it, you know, because I was just like trying to capture the fact Wikipedia is in it, you know?" he droned at our slack-jawed reporter. "There's, you know, some italics to prove I'm, like, sophisticated, and some blood to show I'm deep, it's my blood, I like to be in all my work. The background is a mix of my-" Alas, the recording of the interview ends there to the sound of gagging and retching, so we can only imagine what the background of EpicAwesomeness's banner is a mix of. Lollipop's offering is this interesting piece which expresses his desire to sodomise dogs. On an unrelated note the UnSignpost dog will not be appearing in this issue. The only other offering has come from an IP. We here at the UnSignpost are united in our delight at its subtlety and in raptures at its wit and elegance. Just kidding; the pictures are wrong, the text is wrong and I've never seen a template name so flawed. For your chance to critique the honest endeavours of other Uncyclopedians, visit the forum here. Or don't; visit the official page instead and remain untainted. Awards By Him yet again The forums have once again become the stage for what looks set to become one of the more exciting votes of the year. Thekillerfroggy has suggested that awards are becoming devalued when they are being handed out after voting from only one or two people. Naturally the solution is a quota of some sort, that or we drag the unused awards out to the square and beat them to death as an example to the others. This obviously comes as something of a blow to our plans to introduce an UnSignpost Editor of the Month award, which we wouldn't announce to anyone and would award to the most deserving amongst us every week until Judgement Day. The vote appears to be getting some support, indeed the forum has gotten more votes in two days (8 at time of going to press) than Playwright of the Month has managed to accrue so far this year (5 at the time of going to press). This leads us to suggest that instead of implementing its recommendations we simply create a new award, Policy Changing Forum of the Month, since as Thekillerfroggy so eloquently suggests "If you build it they will come". And so they will, TKF, assuming of course that you're building some kind of wank machine. The forum link is hanging about in the "Check out these pages" section, cleverly masquerading as a link. If you can't find your way to the correct forum with these instructions then we don't think you deserve to have a say. You big stupid-head.

Check out these pages! Useless Awards Botting What's INS? Because the UnSignpost needs more me From our logs: 00:14, October 29, 2011 Haydrahlienne (Talk | contribs) blocked A filthy jew (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite 04:03, October 29, 2011 MadMax (Talk | contribs) blocked SPREE SPREE SPREE SPREE (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Sorry, old chap... but you're proving quite the caterpillar in our buttermilk) 23:03, October 29, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked ChiefjusticeDS is a filthy jew (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (He's also a fantastic swimmer, and if you play your cards right then he just might coooome round for dinner!) 00:05, November 2, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked 144.124.29.68 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (your resemblance to tom jones does not intrigue me) 10:20, November 1, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked Jizz (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (You're disgusting.) 19:37, November 1, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked 38.100.105.130 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 weeks ‎ (Somebody needs a nap and some juice) Biopic of the Week Now we here at the UnSignpost don't often do requests; if we did, the editorial staff would have had to commit seppuku on no less than four occasions or would presently be suffering a lifetime of slavery on Cuban sugar plantations. However this week we will be addressing a complex and dynamic issue at the behest of Sycamore and Orian57. Namely, why aren't they in the UnSignpost more often and could we maybe consider putting them in the UnSignpost more often? For the few of you who are unfamiliar with Sycamore he's the most newsworthy Uncyclopedian around. At least, that's what he told us. He's even more newsworthy than that guy over there, who seems to make it into the UnSignpost just about every other week. His past successes include being fae bonnie Scotland, being the writer of several featured articles and the adopter of several noobs. He hasn't been in the UnSignpost because he has been editing a little bit less and because when he is around he has generally been getting on with writing, voting and reverting, all things which will never get you into the UnSignpost. Ever. Orian57 hasn't been in the UnSignpost because he's gay. He did have features on three consecutive days once, but that was so long ago all this was just fields. Words This edition of the UnSignpost has an awful lot of them. Well done us. Also, bone is not a dirty word. Newsroom UnTune of the week Congressman in Drag Confessions from Recent Changes "This page was shit and I should feel like shit" - HELPME "Facepalm" - Lollipop "Calendars are a wonderful thing, aren't they?" - Oliphaunte

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 01:53, 3 November 2011

Hey Dr. M

I felt like visibly bouncing around a couple talk pages today. So...here I am...on your page...bouncing and being visible. Wanna join me? --ShabiDOO 17:21, November 6, 2011 (UTC)

Sure! Where we goin' next? -- 17:23, November 6, 2011 (UTC)

Well...I was thinking we could hit up Mr. Frenchy or maybe pester an admin...or perhaps a nOOb just to freck them out. What do you think? --ShabiDOO 20:14, November 6, 2011 (UTC)

Well now I can't, I have to go. But I like the noob idea. -- 21:06, November 6, 2011 (UTC)

What, i'm not good enough for you? *runs away crying* -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 6 November 2011, at 22:45

I considered putting you in there, but its hard to label you the way I did Mattsnow (cause I called him a frenchie) and since I talk about you all the time...mentioning you would have been expected. I don't mind if you join us...but you will have to ask Magicman too. We work by consensus...if one of us disagrees we don't do anything. Interestingly enough...we never disagree so it would be a waste of time to ask him after all. Hmm. --ShabiDOO 23:16, November 6, 2011 (UTC)

*sniffles* You really mean it? Golly, thanks Mr. Shabidoo! -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 6 November 2011, at 23:22

Your talk page seems rather popular today. I need to get in on the trend! --HM (T) 23:52, November 6, 2011 (UTC)

Large talkpage discussions are nothing without Hot Pockets.

-- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 7 November 2011, at 00:12

Alright, I'm back. You guys still up to talk page bouncing? -- 00:18, November 7, 2011 (UTC)

Sure thingy. Let's bounce over to Aleister's and pester him until he comes back. -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 7 November 2011, at 00:19

KKK. See you there. -- 00:21, November 7, 2011 (UTC)

You're a member of the KKK? You racist... -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 7 November 2011, at 00:38

But some of my best friends are black! -- 16:48, November 7, 2011 (UTC)

And now we come full circle with this wall posting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! --ShabiDOO 03:26, November 9, 2011 (UTC)

Alright, let's bother someone. -- 04:18, November 9, 2011 (UTC)

Youve already dont a great job tonight with Matt s. lets recruit him!!!!!!!!!!!! --ShabiDOO 05:32, November 9, 2011 (UTC)

HAHA!!! I uncovered the cabal dissimulated in a dark corner! I'll be a great rookie, I'll even make coffee. Mattsnow 05:45, November 9, 2011 (UTC)

Wait...was the cabal dissimulated or dissimulating? --ShabiDOO 06:13, November 9, 2011 (UTC)

Poopsmithery

• I noticed that you archived Metalheads off of VFD without first checking to make sure the {{VFD}} was removed, and also without adding an {{oldvfd}} tag to the talkpage. In future, please do both of these things. Doing these two things is part of being a poopsmith. -- The Zombiebaron 08:41, November 7, 2011 (UTC)

Yes that is a little annoying, I've cleaned up a few times for oyu. But it would be helpful if you did it as you were archiving it (: -- KittyKitty (t) (c) 08:44, November 7, 2011 (UTC)

Ah, I see. I thought that was an admin thing. Thanks for informing me. -- 16:46, November 7, 2011 (UTC)

And could you please smile while you're doing it, for christsakes. --Black Flamingo 17:09, November 7, 2011 (UTC)

Lawn mowers

Is pretty darn funny! Would you mind if I made some free tweaks? (I'll charge you afterwards only) Mattsnow 15:07, November 8, 2011 (UTC)

Yeah, sure, go for it. Remember, it's a wiki, you don't need to ask before you edit something. Oh! And thanks for the compliment! -- 15:19, November 8, 2011 (UTC)

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The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Just like Grandma used to make!

November 10th, 2011 • Issue 144 • Is it really that big?

Hard-Hitting Journalism By Chief There's plenty for the UnSignpost to talk about this week so, naturally, we have decided not to talk about any of it. Instead we are going to tell you about the issues, the real issues, the ones that they don't want you to know about. Issue number one is that the cabal chairperson for November: Zombiebaron has, and not everybody knows this, instructed the administrative body to ban everyone in the world. You can see that it's happening. I mean, does it not seem strange to you that every time there's some kind of vandalism at some point an administrator just happens to turn up? Are you with us? True anarchists should be sure to pick up their copy of "If you can't revert it, kick it to death" when it comes out on UnTunes. Another issue that they don't want you to know is that we appear to have another VFS fast approaching, which for the experienced among you also means four weeks worth of UnSignposts following the VFS. This is news which pleases our editor greatly as it will just about take him through to the stage where he can fill at least half of every issue with mince pie banter and can continue to drop into a stupor every Thursday without fear of missing another UnSignpost. The page is a melting pot of passive aggressive wankery mixed in with pessimism. We won't be quoting any of it here unfortunately, our wankery license got revoked after we ran that Conservapedia issue. Electrified mocha chinchilla has also hit the forums this week objecting to constant changes to the site notice. Something which should be secondary in importance to the fact that the vast majority of the userbase don't seem to have noticed, clearly we need a new site notice, possibly one that sits in the middle of the screen and runs away when you try to close it. Lyrithya has closed her fund-raising forum, having raised no money whatsoever, this correspondent isn't quite sure whether she understands what you when you fund-raise, and also would like to suggest she runs a car wash next time she wants to raise some cash. She closed the forum by saying "Thank you all for your efforts. Unfortunately blah blah blah...". Disgruntled banner creators are strongly encouraged not to hunt Lyrithya down and "Gut her like a stuck Pig", but obviously if such a thing were to happen it would not only provide great publicity for the wiki, but also would provide UnSignpost material for at least three months. On the topic of UnSignpost material, the editorial team would like to celebrate an entire year at the helm of the UnSignpost. A year, over the course of which, only two issues have been missed. Thanks must go to Frosty, Lyrithya and anyone else who picked up the slack on weeks when the editor wasn't doing the job he should have been. Thanks also to the subscribers, without you we'd just be sticking this on Mhaille's talk page every week. I'm so pleased to have been a part of this that I've bought you all this small box of chocolates, to share, and I've bought myself this giant golden Camel because... well... I need it. IC By Magic man There is a group of people, cool people. These cool people do cool things like collaborate on articles monthly and... well, actually, that's all they really do. But they're cool while doing it! These cool people are so very cool that they have a section on the main page devoted to them and their very own Uncyclopedia: namespace page. I know what you're thinking, "Who are these people, and where can I get one of their autographs?" Well, I'll tell you. These cool people that I'm referring to are the gang over at Imperial Colonization (That's right, kids, I'm on the list. One at a time, please. Don't worry, everybody, I have enough ink to sign everyone's foreheads and babies and such). Unfortunately, a terrible thing has happened to the cool kids at IC. Their section on the main page has ben hidden away between <!------------ ------------------------------ -->'s, their Uncyclopedia: namespace page hasn't been edited since July, and, worst of all, dare I say it? Their coolness has worn off. I know, it's pretty bad. Now that the IC crew is lacking in coolness, they haven't been seen collaborating on an article together in months and they've been having the same vote since October... in 2010. The situation is starting to get dire. We here at the UnSignpost are far too lazy to actually interview anybody, so we just decided to try and interview ourselves. But we kept missing our appointments, with ourselves. We wanted to interview Chief, but he was far to busy with "real life" to talk to us on the matter, whatever that means. We tried interviewing Magic man, but he wouldn't talk to us about IC because he said, "If you talk to yourself, you'll get people to think you're crazy." What a weirdo. And we didn't even bother contacting Frosty because we don't like him. So when all was said and done, the only actual person we interviewed wasn't even alive at the time. It was Zombiebaron, and I bet you can guess what he said. However, if we had interviewed anybody who had more that one word in their vocabulary, we imagine some of those words might be words like 'bad', 'unacceptable', 'disappointing', and maybe even, *Gulp*, 'uncool'. So Imperial Colonization, if you're reading this, this is a call to action. Go finish that vote that's been going on far too long now, and collaborate on an article, already! That's right, you know what I'm talking about, I'm talking about getting my your cool back.

Check out these pages! It's coming... possibly Run this up your flagpole Up Sog! Whatever this is Lots of sexy people... and Dexter111344 From our logs: 23:59, November 7, 2011 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 67.128.203.4 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ ("small dick in his pants that is purple with green.") 12:59, November 5, 2011 MadMax (Talk | contribs) blocked I will blank moar pages (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (What's this button do? Whoops!) 01:01, November 6, 2011 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 79.97.248.48 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (SUCK COCK SUCK COCK SUCK COCK SUCK COCK) 04:51, November 5, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked 108.211.110.62 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (i'll lemony you right in the snicket) 18:19, November 3, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked 74.120.12.140 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Claims to be a tor exit node) 01:40, November 4, 2011 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 96.255.253.169 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (It's meant to be BS, numbnuts; it's a comedy site. lrn2read.) Biopic of the Week His name is Iwritewhatiwant. Possibly. We aren't sure and neither is he/she/it. Naturally the UnSignpost completed all the necessary research to write a biopic and certainly didn't have to keep refering back to his userpage while writing. He of the strange username joined us at the start of September and now as he enters his third month one thing has become clear to all of us. He doesn't want to write anything all that often. Oh the raptures we slip into when he touches his quill to the parchment and makes words appear, the prose, the paragraphs, the lack of vowels... it's something to behold. His achievements have included beating Rcmurphy to Noob of the Month, scooping the Best Noob Article in the PLS and molesting anybody who comes within 6 feet of him. We went through about 17 correspondents to get this biopic, the rest of them are probably locked in a warehouse somewhere being forced to writewhathewants. In which case the joke is on him since most of them can barely speak, let alone write. So congratulations Iwritewhatiwant you are officially an evil, slave-driving freak of nature and that's why we love you. Old School FA The Earth. Majestically spinning on its axis for thousands of years on end, in a constant state of evolution, progress, and overall forward movement. The millions of innovations in technology that the human race has brought to this planet in its tenure here is beyond the scope of typical brain capacity, and has for the most part been beneficial, to the human race at least, if nothing else. This begs the question: With all of these innovations to make life here on Earth so luxurious, why the FUCK have we not invented WIDER FUCKING HALLWAYS?! The ongoing battle with the narrow hallway continues to be fought by us hard-working civilians, day after day, and doesn't look to have an end in sight. This fight is not only against the severe crampedness of such passages, but against the barrage of personages we are forced to encounter walking through them every day. Read the full report here. Newsroom UnTune of the week (Anniversary Special!)* Stalker *Yes anniversary special means the same UnTune we used this time last year, who knows, maybe next year can just be one big anniversary special!

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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 00:50, 10 November 2011

Wikimedia fundraising

Hey, thanks for the review. Thing is, though, for a fundraising appeal, the thing is already too long. Considering that, should I just say screw the format, or what would you suggest? 1234 ~ 21:52, 11 November 2011

Yeah, no problem, I hope the review was long enough. Anyway, I would just expand where it needs it, even if that makes it too long. I mean, as long as it's funny and is remotely like Wikipedia's it should be fine. If you need anything else, feel free to ask. -- 22:08, November 11, 2011 (UTC)

Magic man...

I miss your old signature. That was real classy. And it had an air of mystery about it. --Black Flamingo 00:02, November 12, 2011 (UTC)

Aw... well, just for you, I'll go back. -- 03:20, November 12, 2011 (UTC)

Black flamingo is totally correct. That sig was awsome and gave you a strong brand recognition. Four out of five gynecologists recommend Magic Mans old signature! --ShabiDOO 03:54, November 12, 2011 (UTC)

I think the other one is prettier ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 04:26, November 12, 2011 (UTC)

The hat one? -- 04:27, November 12, 2011 (UTC)

Frosty is obviously the 5th gynecologist in question here. For the record, my vagina feels much better now you've changed back. --Black Flamingo 10:12, November 12, 2011 (UTC)

That image

Well fine, instead of simply just crossing out the QVFD entry like that. Why not wait until an admin takes a look and makes the call. But I'd be very very surprised if its allowed for some simple reasons:

• It violates the image use policy (see that little bit in the fine print about not allowing gore)
• It violates the part about images needing to serve some satirical purpose (I think a half destroyed foot isn't very funny)

So let an admin make the call and don't just cross the entry out like that without letting it be reviewed first. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 05:20, November 12, 2011 (UTC)

I suppose you're right. Sorry. -- 05:22, November 12, 2011 (UTC)

It also got deleted like a second after I posted this, leaving this rant apparently pointless >_< ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 05:24, November 12, 2011 (UTC)

I'll see if I can't find a less graphic image to use instead. -- 05:26, November 12, 2011 (UTC)

I always find chocolate less graphic and often inspiring. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 05:27, November 12, 2011 (UTC)

How's this one? -- 05:29, November 12, 2011 (UTC)

Lovely ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 05:32, November 12, 2011 (UTC)

Hows this?

--ShabiDOO 20:07, November 12, 2011 (UTC)

Interesting... ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 21:00, November 12, 2011 (UTC)

0.0 -- 21:23, November 12, 2011 (UTC)

QVFD is not a discussion page

Heya, please don't hold conversations on qvfd; if you need to do so, that's what talkpages are for. If you want to contest a deletion, adding a short signed comment stating the fact might be acceptable so that the checking admin is aware, but anything further would go elsewhere; as a poopsmith I would have expected you to know better than to muck around so on the project pages themselves. That said, the image in question is unfortunately what we call a gore image, as the guy above says, and does not have a place on Uncyclopedia. 1234 ~ 05:33, 12 November 2011

Yeah, sorry about that. Won't happen again. -- 05:35, November 12, 2011 (UTC)

Poopsmithery (again)

Hello, I could help but notice your archival f QVFD, which is good and everything. But one of the entries had neither been checked nor commented on hen you archived it. Which is bad. Please do nt archive stuff unless its all been checked. Thankyou. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 00:53, November 13, 2011 (UTC)

KKK. -- 01:04, November 13, 2011 (UTC)