User talk:Magic man/archive3
 | This page is an archive. The contents have been moved from another page for reference purposes only, and should be preserved in their current form. Discussion or voting on this page is not current. Any additions you make will probably not be read. The current version of this page can be found at User talk:Magic man. |
Old(er) stuffs
New(er) stuffs
Sampling your opportunity bias
I just made that up. Er... hi?
But seriously, have you been eaten? ~ 
01:16, 24 February 2011
- It's funny, the second I read that my cat bit me. So yes, in a way. --
02:00, February 24, 2011 (UTC)
- Excellent. Matters have commenced their emotion. ~
02:04, 24 February 2011
- Yes... -- 02:06, February 24, 2011 (UTC)
- Yes... --
- Excellent. Matters have commenced their emotion. ~
Lollipop delivered
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]]YOU HAVE BEEN AWARDED A PENIS LOLLIPOP
Lollipop has awarded Magic man/archive3 a penis lollipop.
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--
Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! 03:29, February 24, 2011 (UTC)
- YES!!!... Er... I mean... Thanks... -- 16:22, February 24, 2011 (UTC)
- How did it taste? --
Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! 21:02, February 24, 2011 (UTC)
- GREAT! -- 22:43, February 27, 2011 (UTC)
- GREAT! --
- How did it taste? --
UnSignnull pointer exception
The Newspaper Whose Mom Said It Was Cool!
Feb 24th, 2011 • Issue 109 • Just heat and serve!
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Poo Aftermath
 We write on what is, for the UnSignpost, a very sad day. It is sad because the Poo Lit Surprise has concluded and thus, after this story, we will once again be bereft of material to fill the eternal white space which mocks us every time we begin a new issue. Nevertheless, we have resolved to wring the final droplets of news from the damp flannel of the PLS; it's easier than thinking, you see. After the ties and laziness of the judging process had been overcome, through the miracles of adding up and generally being unfair, Sycamore was finally able to reveal the winners to the world. As you would expect, the UnSignpost staff were all otherwise occupied while he was doing
this, but have not only swung by the winners circle and spoken to the few contestants who don't yet have restraining orders against us but have also fetched the scores from the competition page thus saving you from the horrors of excessive reading once again. The winner of the coveted Best  The Best Illustrated Article category broke all known records by having only three entrants and then being unable to select one to triumph over the others; it was eventually decided that - since we edit in a corrupt aristocracy where the cabal secretly decides everything - the two admins would win together and Lyrithya could have the supreme honour of being runner up! Lyrithya was permitted this enviable honour for a second time in the Best Rewrite category where she and Black flamingo11 lost to Thekillerfroggy. The UnSignpost would, as is customary, like to offer its congratulations to all the contestants and its thanks to all the judges for ensuring that the competition failed to run smoothly; thanks also go to Sycamore for It's all going to end in tears
 Like the eviction notices that keep arriving at UnSignpost HQ, the imminent threat of No, not really; while the spectre of remotely possible drama does indeed hang over our heads, there is no reason to stop drop and roll just yet, though this week tension has ramped up a notch as a proposal to change the rules of the mythical other form of VFS was raised in the forums. The idea was pioneered by Electrified mocha chinchilla who suggests that the present system is unfair and is calling for change. Hyperbole has also voiced his opposition to the present system by making it sound like we are editing in a slightly less humane version of Stalin's Russia, where  Olipro has taken advantage of the preoccupation with most of the active userbase in fighting to the death in the Ministry of Love to propose the locking of the sandbox talk page. What fun he must be at parties. The UnSignpost will continue to monitor the situation, but just remember, admin rights are just like haemorrhoids; sooner or later every arsehole gets them. Think about that. |
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| UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox | ||||||
~ 07:42, 24 February 2011
- I want to deliver this next week! -- 16:43, February 24, 2011 (UTC)
- How do you feel about javascript? ~ 16:50, 24 February 2011
- Er... Fine? -- 16:51, February 24, 2011 (UTC)
- Er... Fine? --
- How do you feel about javascript? ~
CRASHER NO0B
Sorry to interupt your Conversation!!
私はクソツールをしています。私は完全なクソツールをしています。今年最大の愚か者のための賞があったなら、私は次のようになります明確な靴インチ私は小さな脳とも誇らしげチンポを持っています。全世界のすべての村の馬鹿が一緒に付属している場合、自分の村を作り、私はその村の村ばかなことでしょう。 - 
LOL vandalz
- 知ってうれしいです。 -- 02:02, February 25, 2011 (UTC)
レッツレイプ紫色の鳥たちが庭で歌って行く！ 誰がボートが入ってくるときに幸せな猫を取得します少し美人の上に魚を得るのだろうか？ 朝食か私にとってファックハドックあなたのすべての？ 君たちを吸う私はあなたのすべての私のアンサイクロペディアを！ - LOL vandalz
- 小胞体...何？ -- 20:40, February 25, 2011 (UTC)
super happy monkey judge stuff
You will be the awsomest judge in the world! Happy monkey hugs (spraying monkey piss on your shoes) --ShabiDOO 15:22, February 26, 2011 (UTC)
- Hoo-rahh. -- 22:42, February 27, 2011 (UTC)
- Heres the new link for the judging page.
- --ShabiDOO 02:33, February 28, 2011 (UTC)
- Hoo-rahh. -- 02:56, February 28, 2011 (UTC)
- Hoo-rahh. --
colab
Okay, but like, seriously, cut more out if you dont like it. Its a colaboration okay? Im not offended. I like I like. Though, I do say, Ill wait till you add a little more before adding myself. I like.--ShabiDOO 02:56, February 28, 2011 (UTC)
- Do what ever you want to the page. That's why its a wiki. -- 03:02, February 28, 2011 (UTC)
Need some of your magic, man
Hello. The Madison Movement article on VFH needs some magic to pull itself to the front page. All you might have to do to throw your spell on it would be to listen to the fine audio by Dexter and MrtheJazz. Thanks! On to the Happy Monkey contest. . .Aleister 3:15 28-2-'11
- I'll start looking in my spell book. -- 17:12, February 28, 2011 (UTC)
- I've seen the magic before my eyes! Thanks for the vote and kind words. Dexter was Buffy on the audio, and Mrthejazz was the meany poopy-head governor. It's good seeing your top cat around the site, fancy sig. Thanks again, Aleister 18:07 28-2-'11
- You're very welcome. I really liked the audio, I'll have to tell Dex and Mrthejazz sometime... -- 18:29, February 28, 2011 (UTC)
- You're very welcome. I really liked the audio, I'll have to tell Dex and Mrthejazz sometime... --
- I've seen the magic before my eyes! Thanks for the vote and kind words. Dexter was Buffy on the audio, and Mrthejazz was the meany poopy-head governor. It's good seeing your top cat around the site, fancy sig. Thanks again, Aleister 18:07 28-2-'11
Good... I suppose afternoon there.
Hi Magic man :D thanks for welcoming me. I come from Nonciclopedia, so I know many of the rules of a wiki and stuff (I'll hopefully even become a noobsitter myself on Nonci so that kinda makes us workmates :)) There's only one thing I'm not sure about (for now :D): when someone leaves me a message where am I supposed to reply? On Nonci we are educated to reply on the talk page of the user that wrote to us, but I saw that here everyone replies on his/her own talk page. Could you enlighten me? Thanks :D
P.s. I know my English ain't perfect yet, but I hope I'll get better. --Flaming Ace 19:46, February 28, 2011 (UTC)
- Here we reply wherever the first comment was placed. For example, you placed a comment here, on my talkpage, so I replied here, on my talkpage. That's how we do it, unless the commenter requests that you reply somewhere else. -- 21:10, February 28, 2011 (UTC)
Hello again! I was wondering if you could adopt me as you offered. You'ld make this Ace very happy. I know many things about the Uncyclopedia project, but some rules are different from the italian site. I could really use a guide. Thanks in advance if you say yes :D --Flaming Ace 22:55, February 28, 2011 (UTC)
- No (just joking). I'd love to adopt you. Add this:
 |
- To your userpage. As for guides, we have this, this and many more. You may have to do quite a bit of reading, I did myself. In fact I read most of these twice. I've of course read them many more times now, but... Yeah... -- 23:08, February 28, 2011 (UTC)
A poem for my friend, Aleister Magic man
Please vote. Buddy. --~ 
12:52, March 1, 2011 (UTC)
I will write one too for the whore Mimo, but for this page only:
a poem for the whore mimo
- to vote for Mimo's page
- is quite an earthly delight,
- a vote will get you into heaven
- just like riding a kite!
- most people will vote no,
- or will try to delete it,
- but you can make it pass go
- and thus can complete it.
- --- e.e. aleister 13:23 1-3-'11
And one for Aleister and Magic man
- Aleister your poems are awful
- and they don't make a rhyme
- Why can't everyone be like me?
- The world would be really awesome
- Magic man vote only if you like it
- please like it
- aleister your poems suck
- Can't you make them just like mine?
- I mean with rhymes.
--~ 13:34, March 1, 2011 (UTC)
- I voted, I did.
- And weather you like it or not,
- that's my vote, I won't change it, I will not.
- I've decided this line will not rhyme with anything.
- So I've made my decision, and the vote has been cast.
- Now go take a look, and take a look fast!
- But now I must go, it's the end of my rhyme,
- I'll run away now, and I'll make very good time.
- This line doesn't rhyme with anything either. Bye!
- -- 14:46, March 1, 2011 (UTC)
- magic, magic, magic man
- your poems are like aleister's
- I mean they suck
- but please, please, don't change your vote
- and act now like a coyote
--~ 14:54, March 1, 2011 (UTC)
- No it's yours who suck.
- Al's are fine,
- and mine,
- are sublime.
- -- 14:57, March 1, 2011 (UTC)
Thanks for the vote
And feel free to let me know what you think of my UnNews - what was funny and (more importantly) what wasn't. I'm always looking for honest feedback. ~ 
Talk 05:36, March 2, 2011 (UTC)
- To be fair, I think all your UnNewses so far are funny. -- 16:24, March 2, 2011 (UTC)
header
HEy Magic man, could you pelase put up whatever header you have for the happy monkey competition? It starts today at 5pm EST 2200 UTC. Thanks a lot! WOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO --ShabiDOO 11:58, March 2, 2011 (UTC)
- Okay, I will. -- 16:23, March 2, 2011 (UTC)
happy monkey banner
Hey put it up ASAP! I love it! – Preceding unsigned comment added by Shabidoo (talk • contribs)
- I can't put it up. The admins have to do that. And they decided they weren't gonna put it up. If you really want it put up talk to Zombiebaron. -- 20:34, March 2, 2011 (UTC)
- Its okay, they put up an almost invisible banner. I LOVED the one you made, but perhaps they didnt like the flashing (WHICH I FRIKIN LOVED). Anyhoo, coudl you do me one last favour. Do you think you could make a really simple template that I will put on the top of the page telling people NOT to edit the articles that are being made). That would be really great. If not ill ask someone else. Simple is good. ;)
--ShabiDOO 21:02, March 2, 2011 (UTC)
- Yeah, I'll make it. -- 01:50, March 3, 2011 (UTC)
- Dude, already made. Lyrithya tidied up mine. But thanks anyways. Do you think you could instead edit a bit the banner for when the results are posted for the Happy Moneky comp (so the admins will put it up, and ill try talking to them to have it there?). THAAAAAAAAAAAANKS DUDER! --ShabiDOO 01:56, March 3, 2011 (UTC)
- Got it. I'll do that. YOU'REEEEEEEE WELCOME DUDER! -- 02:15, March 3, 2011 (UTC)
- Got it. I'll do that. YOU'REEEEEEEE WELCOME DUDER! --
- Dude, already made. Lyrithya tidied up mine. But thanks anyways. Do you think you could instead edit a bit the banner for when the results are posted for the Happy Moneky comp (so the admins will put it up, and ill try talking to them to have it there?). THAAAAAAAAAAAANKS DUDER! --ShabiDOO 01:56, March 3, 2011 (UTC)
- Yeah, I'll make it. --
happy monkey final judgin
Hey guys. Judging begins at 6pm ET (est) or 2300 UTC today. Please judge based on the contestants FINAL edit before that time. This does NOT include Lyrithya, Zombiebaron, Mimo&Maxus and MrTheJazz who have 2 hour extentions 8pm ET (est) or 0100 UTC. Lets say, have the results in 48 hours. If I dont see any activity on the results pages or if you dno't drop me a line say 24 hours after the writing closes (as one of you has been inactive for a few days) Ill have Wilytank take over your spot and you have give his bonus points if you come back in time. Thanks again folks. --ShabiDOO 08:44, March 3, 2011 (UTC)
- Its that 6pm est today (march 3rd)? -- 15:20, March 3, 2011 (UTC)
All the UnSignpost you ever wanted
The Newspaper That Replaces Analysis With Flashy Graphics!
March 3rd, 2011 • Issue 110 • Be sure to listen carefully for the Satanic messages!
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Hip Hop Admin Master Mixer
 Yes, that's right, it's all here: votes for temporary adminship. Two things that are immediately noticeable to those looking at forum is that the community is divided and that it isn't funny at all. Even the permanently enthusiastic joke Dolphins kept in the dream filled creativity lake outside UnSignpost HQ are struggling to provide any inspiration for jokes to be made on this subject, and reading the forums pertaining to this is about as funny as having a brick thrown in your face only to wake up and discover there is a gas bill tied to it. That is why the UnSignpost refuses to make any mention of it again ever. The UnSignpost would instead like to draw your attention to this picture of a Dog dressed as a Lobster, and feels that there is greater allegorical significance to it than is immediately apparent. To help us out we spent a huge amount of money that we just found on getting an interview with Professor Oswald that ends wald who has spent his life studying stuff!  We were permitted to observe as he perused the picture, occasionally sniffing our correspondent's hair and twitching. After falling over twice and arguing with a nearby desk fan, the professor mused: "If there's one thing your average sweet old lady really likes, it's a damn good row over a few pence..." and from looking at the picture, the UnSignpost can certainly see how he came to this conclusion; if you can't, then you aren't looking hard enough. Our reporter watched in fascination as the Professor stumbled around the room and appeared to develop his prior assertion: "The other things old ladies enjoy are drinking sherry and racism." Truly thought-provoking. The professor finally stood swaying in front of the picture and his eyes seemed to clear in a glorious moment of clarity. "Fuck me, that's an ugly Dog!" he proclaimed before collapsing into a heap on the floor. Got an opinion on everything but no knowledge of anything? Be an UnSignpost authority on nothing! Contact recruitment today! Pooper scoopers and General stuff
Poo. Yes, poo. It's the Dilithium crystal equivalent for Uncyclopedia in that the place couldn't work without it, but nobody is quite sure why. Unlike taking the piss, taking the Poop is a job that not just anyone can do, and the poopsmiths are the chosen few who are permitted to archive the important pages; this reduces the number of This week has seen a new Poopsmith appointed to the order, Lyrithya. When asked to comment on this, she said, "It makes me feel as though a great gong has sounded in my loins," which at least demonstrates the appropriate mindset for the job. In other news, the Earth continued to orbit the Sun and through the unrelenting march of time another month has ended and the monthly awards duly dished out to people who don't deserve them. Socky took Writer of the Month, something which has left him as cheerful as can be (we assume), Black flamingo11 took Uncyclopedian of the month, something which as left him pleased as punch (we assume) and new fellow Rpm snatched Noob of the Month from under Rcmurphy's nose, something which has left them respectively pleased and miserable (we assume). Finally; Uncyclopedians have been sharing their pathetic stories of how they came to edit the site. It's all undeniably homosexual, especially the parts concerning supposed women. The UnSignpost editorial team certainly won't be contributing to Uncyclopedia's very own Princess Diaries; we came to be here in the normal way: an accident involving a van, a tin of baked beans, a large vat of sherbet and 50,000 volts of direct current. |
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| UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox | ||||||
~ 16:07, 3 March 2011
Banner
Magic man, (I also left a post on Zombies talk page) I wonder if you might be able to help me (or any one reading this). The banner says the competition starts today. Im not accepting any new contestants and in reality the contest finishes in 3.5 hours. Could the banner be changed to say something like "Competition ends at 6PM ET 23.00 UTC. Click here to see articles" or something like that. It would be very much appreciated. CHEEEEEEEEERS. --ShabiDOO 18:27, March 3, 2011 (UTC)
- Yeah, like I said, I'm not an admin so I can't really do anything about it. But I would suggest talking to Zombiebaron, Mordillo or ChiefjusticeDS. They are the three that seem to do this the most. Sorry I couldn't do more. -- 20:28, March 3, 2011 (UTC)
HowTo:Become a Master of Disguise
Hey, just finished spell checking your article. To see it you'll need 20 bucks and a hammer. Now go downtown and find a sailors' bar called the "Slippery Seamen," and ask for Ray and buy him a $20 bottle of Merlot. He'll ask you for the key word which is "Banana." Now, you should see a some guy tied to a chair. This is where the hammer comes in...
Or you could just go here, but going to Ray is more fun, for me at least. --Sir Oliphaunte (განხილვა) 
16:08, March 6, 2011 (UTC)
- Okay thanks. Can you see the links better now? -- 23:51, March 6, 2011 (UTC)
- P.S.
- Ray is more fun...
- Yea, I can see it a little better, although it strains my eyes a bit.
- P.S. I haven't seen Ray in a while and the guys said he's been home crying since you came by there. What did you to him!?! --Sir Oliphaunte (განხილვა)
23:56, March 7, 2011 (UTC)
- Nothing. -- 02:18, March 8, 2011 (UTC)
- Nothing. --
- P.S. I haven't seen Ray in a while and the guys said he's been home crying since you came by there. What did you to him!?! --Sir Oliphaunte (განხილვა)
Please
Don't have sympathy for 77.103.26.107, he is in my 10th grade class and he lives down the street to me so we have the same IP, he got my IP blocked on wikipedia for Cyberbullying, vanity and Vandalism. He is the reason I am permanently unable to edit Wikipedia. Fuck him. - LOL vandalz
- Again, doesn't every computer have its own IP? -- 17:42, March 8, 2011 (UTC)
Again, every postal code area in the UK shares it's IP address. - LOL vandalz
Hey
Thanks for the introduction/defending n00b thingy. Anyway, nice to meet you. B0B Shitface • Newbie 18:12, March 8, 2011 (UTC)
- You're very welcome. And it's very nice to meet you too. -- 01:54, March 9, 2011 (UTC)
- P.S.
- You should really fix your sig.
Vote vote vote!
Please and thank you. --
03:28, March 9, 2011 (UTC)
UnSignpost: March 10th, 2011
The Newspaper With Words n' Shit!
March 10th, 2011 • Issue 111 • Make mine a Shandygaff!
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Temporary admins and temporary brains
 It's official - temporary Administrators have arrived on Uncyclopedia. After the frantic discussion and voting, several unlucky losers have been selected from amongst the great unwashed masses and made to shovel through a never-ending pile of manure for 6 hours a day, every day, as is the tradition. The Losers: Hyperbole, perhaps the most vocal critic of the old "regime": Hyperbole is now prowling the wiki with a banstick and the complete works of Karl Marx. Regrettably, Hyperbole has not been in IRC long enough for our editor to get a quote from him, so we have decided that when asked to comment, he said, "I feel like Moses, leading my people to the promised land," and we must say that he does look like Moses, except Moses probably wore more clothes and bathed more frequently. He was chosen because: The Cabal wishes him to suffer. Lyrithya, perhaps the most unsettlingly strange Uncyclopedian to ever wield a banstick (after Modusoperandi): Lyrithya is now prowling the wiki with a banstick and a large banana. Regrettably, Lyrithya has been in the IRC long enough for our editor to get a quote from her; when asked to comment she said, "The temporary admins all suck," and we must say that they do all suck; real admins probably wear more clothes and bathe more frequently. She was chosen because: She moans more than anyone else in the history of the human race and the Cabal wishes her to suffer.  PuppyOnTheRadio, perhaps the most Australian Uncyclopedian to ever wield a banstick: PuppyOnTheRadio is now prowling the wiki with a banstick and <insert relevant Australian stereotype here>. Regrettably, PuppyOnTheRadio escaped from his bonds before our editor could extract a quote from him, so we have decided he said, "Crikey mates! This sheila ain't half crowded by ankle biting nongs!," and we must say that we would agree entirely if we knew what that means. He was chosen because: He is not a poofter and the Cabal wishes him to suffer. Sockpuppet of an unregistered user, perhaps the most active Uncyclopedian to ever wield a banstick: Socky is now prowling the wiki with a banstick and pair of cat ears. Regrettably, Socky destroyed the reactor core before our editor could He was chosen because: He r0xxorz our sox0rrz and the Cabal wishes him to suffer. The Winners: Rcmurphy, Under user, Codeine and Thekillerfroggy. The less said about them, the better. It returns
The one hour writing competition, originally conceived by Dr. Skullthumper last year (details here) and the European version of the same, hosted by Mordillo shortly afterwards (details here), is returning to Uncyclopedia very shortly. While no firm date has yet been fixed for the competitions, investigative reporting reveals that it is being planned for later this month or early next month, or perhaps the month after that. You are urged to watch the forums and anticipate with mounting anticipation the announcement of a date for the competition. In other news: ChiefjusticeDS is the best admin of all time, it's snowing and Roman Dog Bird still sucks balls. |
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| UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox | |||||||
~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 03:07, March 10, 2011 (UTC)
judging awsomeness
Magic Man, I love you, I will name my children after you for judging the happy monkey competition. But seriously, thanks a millllllion for the pee reviews and the scores you gave. Was a lot of work and we all love you for it and we will all name an island or country, or maybe a street in our community after you! THAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANKS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YOOOOOOOOOOOOOU'RE WEEEEEEEEEEEELCOME. -- 00:15, March 16, 2011 (UTC)
Good-Bye Silver Age
Thanks for the good bye graphic for IC's Silver Age. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court) 21:52, March 15, 2011 (UTC)
____ _
/ __ \| |
| | | | |__ _ _ ___ _ _ __ _ _ __ ___
| | | | '_ \ | | | |/ _ \| | | | / _` | '__/ _ \
| |__| | | | |_ | |_| | (_) | |_| | | (_| | | | __/
\____/|_| |_( ) \__, |\___/ \__,_| \__,_|_| \___|
|/ __/ |
|___/
_
| |
__ _____| | ___ ___ _ __ ___ ___
\ \ /\ / / _ \ |/ __/ _ \| '_ ` _ \ / _ \
\ V V / __/ | (_| (_) | | | | | | __/_
\_/\_/ \___|_|\___\___/|_| |_| |_|\___(_)
_ _ _ _
/\ | | | | | | | |
/ \ | |_ ____ _ _ _ ___ __ _| | __ _ __| | | |_ ___
/ /\ \ | \ \ /\ / / _` | | | / __| / _` | |/ _` |/ _` | | __/ _ \
/ ____ \| |\ V V / (_| | |_| \__ \ | (_| | | (_| | (_| | | || (_) |
/_/ \_\_| \_/\_/ \__,_|\__, |___/ \__, |_|\__,_|\__,_| \__\___/
__/ | __/ |
|___/ |___/
_ _ _ _____
| | | | | | / ____|
| |__ ___| |_ __ ___ _ _| |_ | (___ ___
| '_ \ / _ \ | '_ \ / _ \| | | | __| \___ \ / _ \
| | | | __/ | |_) | | (_) | |_| | |_ _ ____) | (_) |
|_| |_|\___|_| .__/ \___/ \__,_|\__(_) |_____/ \___/
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|_|
_ _ _ _
| | | | (_) |
__ _ ___ ___ __| |______| |__ _ _ ___ ___ _| |_ _____ _ __
/ _` |/ _ \ / _ \ / _` |______| '_ \| | | |/ _ \ / __| | \ \ / / _ \ '__|
| (_| | (_) | (_) | (_| | | |_) | |_| | __/ \__ \ | |\ V / __/ |
\__, |\___/ \___/ \__,_| |_.__/ \__, |\___| |___/_|_| \_/ \___|_|
__/ | __/ |
|___/ |___/
_ _
| | /\ | |
__ _ __ _ ___| | / \ _ __ __| |
/ _` |/ _` |/ _ \ | / /\ \ | '_ \ / _` |
| (_| | (_| | __/_| / ____ \| | | | (_| |
\__,_|\__, |\___(_) /_/ \_\_| |_|\__,_|
__/ |
|___/
_ _ _ _
| | | | | | | |
| |__ ___| | ___ ___ ___ ___ __ _ ___ | | __| | ___ _ __
| '_ \ / _ \ |/ _ \ / _ \ / _ \ / _ \ / _` |/ _ \| |/ _` |/ _ \ '_ \
| | | | __/ | (_) | (_) | (_) | (_) | | (_| | (_) | | (_| | __/ | | |
|_| |_|\___|_|\___/ \___/ \___/ \___/ \__, |\___/|_|\__,_|\___|_| |_|
__/ |
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_
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__ _ __ _ ___| |
/ _` |/ _` |/ _ \ |
| (_| | (_| | __/_|
\__,_|\__, |\___(_)
__/ |
|___/
-- 22:54, March 15, 2011 (UTC)
Aw, c'mon
Those links on Dinosaur are just stupid, man, come on, if you were an IP and I were an admin I'd ban you for stupid. If you were Modillo and I was Modello, I'd ban you until you stayed banned. Man, c'mon, man. Aleister 23:33 Man, c'mon, man.
- OK, more serious. When editing a colonization page, or a frat page, it's best to take the group mind into consideration, like the Borg. Would the group mind, on average, like your links? Or any one of your links? Man, c;'mon man! Man! C'mon. Aleister
- I just thought it needed more links. I just picked random words to linkify. I'll stop now. Revert if you want. -- 23:37, March 15, 2011 (UTC)
- Ooooooo man. C'mon, man, c'mon, min. This is the colonization, the cream of the crop here at uncy, the gold standard of perfection. An, man, c'mmmmmoooonnnnn man. Random? I cry now, I tear out my hair and sew it on to a hair shirt, I hang my head and then head my hang. Random? On colonization? Better we should huff thousands of images, like who would do that? I'm kicking myself until it hurts now, man' cmon mmmmmmmmmmannnnnn. OK. Thanks. And it probably does need more links, but links thought out and honed to funnyness beyond the concept of funny. Ironic links, links that dazzle, links that - standing alone - tell a story in themselves. Aleister per se, Idols of March
- Er... Okay? -- 23:44, March 15, 2011 (UTC)
- Er... Okay? --
- Ooooooo man. C'mon, man, c'mon, min. This is the colonization, the cream of the crop here at uncy, the gold standard of perfection. An, man, c'mmmmmoooonnnnn man. Random? I cry now, I tear out my hair and sew it on to a hair shirt, I hang my head and then head my hang. Random? On colonization? Better we should huff thousands of images, like who would do that? I'm kicking myself until it hurts now, man' cmon mmmmmmmmmmannnnnn. OK. Thanks. And it probably does need more links, but links thought out and honed to funnyness beyond the concept of funny. Ironic links, links that dazzle, links that - standing alone - tell a story in themselves. Aleister per se, Idols of March
- I just thought it needed more links. I just picked random words to linkify. I'll stop now. Revert if you want. --
AdminBots presents: The UnSignpost
Th-the m-m-most con-confident new-Newspaper in a wh-while
March 17th, 2011 • Issue 112 • <insert name here>'s favourite periodical! Ever!!
|
General news round-up
It has been another action-packed week on Uncyclopedia! As is our custom on such busy news weeks, the UnSignpost isn't reporting anything in particular. Uncyclopedians all over the world were shocked to see VFH be placed under Martial Law, a development unseen since 2009. Uncyclopedia actually sucked so much that the VFH page stacked up a staggering 26 nominations at one time. Our reporters planned to attend an emergency meeting of the Cabal to discuss the matter, but inexplicably were suddenly invited to spend the day playing water polo with the Somalian Rugby Team. According to our correspondent, "They have such massive thighs!". Martial law has now ended, but it did remind us all of the good old days where martial law was a state of being and where banning Cajek was still original! Elsewhere on the wiki, the temporary admins are still the temporary admins and we here at the UnSignpost can honestly say that watching them ban each other and delete pages has been a 24 hour hobby for the last couple of weeks. The wiki has also braced for the Great Image Exodus. Zombiebaron, having tired of slaughtering articles, has turned his smouldering gaze upon a list of Uncyclopedia's unused images. During the last week, the whole list was available for users to look at and save any images they wish to use; if you have lost an image that was close to your heart anyway, then simply contact an administrator and ask, then ask again when the first ban expires! Above all the Cabal assures users not to panic, to remain in their homes and to be sure to read the UnSignpost every Thursday! Everything else appears to be as normal; Black flamingo11 and Lyrithya are doing a superb job of keeping Pee Review running as ChiefjusticeDS's incredible record-breaking run of apathy continues. Also, people who don't deserve it are still winning awards, but this paper is forced to accept that it will always be thus. Finally, Uncyclopedia cannot fail to recognise the tragedy that has taken place in Japan and asks that you consider donating something to help those who have suffered and are still suffering as a result. Happy Monkey!
 The Happy Monkey competition concluded without incident, which is a relief, since if there had been a crisis, the UnSignpost wouldn't have been able to understand why. We spent literally hours trying to figure out how it worked before concluding that it was a stupid competition and that we were above reporting on anything with Monkey written in all caps in the title. Have a look at the scoring table for yourself and if you say you know what it all means then you are going to hell for lying (reading the competition rules doesn't count; words are for losers). However by a process of adding up that we don't quite understand, competition host Shabidoo declared that Thekillerfroggy had won. A lot of hard work went into this competition from everyone involved, and as such, it deserves nothing but your contempt; hard work hasn't ever gotten anybody anywhere they wanted to be and that's a fact! Finally, the UnSignpost would like to draw your attention to the worst 100 list for this year! It's brilliant! We laughed all the way to the end! We are Lying! If you have a knack for teh funniez then the UnSignpost implores you to add more entries to the list when new things happen. Finally, the UnSignpost would like to draw your attention to Benson's House of Pancakes! It's brilliant! We laughed all the way to the end! We are Lying! If you have a knack for teh funniez then the UnSignpost implores you to add more entries to the forum immediately. |
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~ 05:12, 17 March 2011
Piss
Cool dude. Sorry if you thought it was short, but I wanted to keep it simple and yellow. Its still a very good article, and I would like to give you a pat on the back for making it. ---
I have a talking zombie 17:28, March 19, 2011 (UTC)
- Yeah, in the future you may want to go a little further in-depth. But it was still a good pee-review. Anyway, when I first wrote it, some people really didn't like it. Infact, it ended up on VFD twice, and VFH once. But I had a lot of help from Aleister, Dexter, and TKF. So pat them on the back to. Again, thanks. -- 17:36, March 19, 2011 (UTC)
Pleasure dude. Thanks for the advice. Shows what some hard work and help from friends can do to the color of your piss. Its...its beautiful. ---I have a talking zombie 17:45, March 19, 2011 (UTC)
- I think the word you were looking for was disgusting. -- 00:39, March 20, 2011 (UTC)
Old people
|
|
I just peed on something you wrote. I apologize profusely for that.
I'll attempt to control my bladder in the future. No promises though |
I like it. 
(talk) 22:04, March 20, 2011 (UTC)
- Thank you very much! A very good review. -- 23:37, March 20, 2011 (UTC)
Seeing as no one will respond to me
I've decided to take this into my own hands, I'm going to move Dinosaur into mainspace at ten fourty-five EST tomorrow. Anyone who wants to make their final edits can do so within that time frame. Thanks. -- 15:17, March 21, 2011 (UTC)
- Before moving, you might want to look at the talk page for
BatmanBruce Wayne or Science fiction to see how we documented a move for future generations to see our glorious history. http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/Talk:Science_fiction#IMPERIAL_COLONIZATION:_HISTORY_HAS_BEEN_ALTERED and http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/Talk:Bruce_Wayne King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court) 16:38, March 21, 2011 (UTC)- Done. I read them. Thanks. -- 16:59, March 21, 2011 (UTC)
- All I can say is rooooooaaaarrrrrrrrrr (breaking through some trees in search of food) rooaaaarrrrrrr (eyeing the sky for meteorites). Aleister 22:01 21-3-'11
- Love your adding the Barney pic. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court) 02:55, March 22, 2011 (UTC)
- Thanks! I thought it needed another option, but I couldn't find anymore pictures of dinosaurs eating people. Then I found that, and it was already up loaded, so that was a plus. Anyway, thanks again. -- 02:59, March 22, 2011 (UTC)
- Thanks! I thought it needed another option, but I couldn't find anymore pictures of dinosaurs eating people. Then I found that, and it was already up loaded, so that was a plus. Anyway, thanks again. --
- Done. I read them. Thanks. --
Thanks
From all the Vikings at the Fashion show, thank you! You will soon receive a complimentary helmet or knee guard in the mail, courtesy of Gwen, who will also visit your home later this evening. Wait, what's this? Suddenly, Skunks. Oh, the Skunks reminded me, have you come by their page as yet and read a line or two? Such sweet woodland animals. Thanks again, appreciated. Aleister 22:03 21-3-'11
- You're welcome. Although I must comment on what a whore you are, I for one of your articles, and then you whore while thanking me? That's bold. Anyway, I can't wait to get my peice of armor (and my peice of Gwen for that matter). And I'll take a look at skunk for you. -- 22:18, March 21, 2011 (UTC)
- Whore? No, never. It was just that as I was typing that, Suddenly Skunks! What was I to do? I'll do another read of Dinosaur too, it's been awhile. Thanks for taking the initiative on that. I guess the old dinosaur page can go under "Dinosaur (fossil)" or something. (and what it was is that Skunk has been kind of hidden away in a list of articles for awhile, and is lingering, so I thought I should push it a bit. If you do vote for it I will whore something else while thanking you, I promise.) Aleister 22:23 21-3-'11
- Okay, I can't wait to see what you whore to me next. Anyway, Dinosaur (fossil)? Now that's hilarious! -- 22:40, March 21, 2011 (UTC)
- Thank you for abstaining today but then reading the pee review and opening your eyes to the wonder of Skunk tomorrow. And since I'm here, why not nominate That time I took a sojourn to visit my friend Jim Freklowski for either VFH or VFD, a fine addition to either one of those wonderful gardens. Thanks again! Aleister 23:11 21-3-'11
- Thanks? Most people don't thank other people for abstaining on their article. Anyway, thanks for saying thanks! -- 23:14, March 21, 2011 (UTC)
- What? No, I said "Thank you for abstaining today but then reading the pee review and opening your eyes to the wonder of Skunk tomorrow". You must have read it wrong. And maybe on the old dinosaur it could just be "Dinosaur Fossil" without the () thing. I best be off the site for an hour or so, Away. . . .Aleister 23:21 21-3-'11
- Oh! I get it... -- 23:24, March 21, 2011 (UTC)
- Ah, what a difference a day makes! I was told that not only did you read the review and the page over again, but that your bellylaughs could be heard a block away. That must have shocked the neighbors and woken all the dogs! Glad to have made your day, and now stop laughing long enough to eat something, you don't want to "starve from laughter" as they say in the hood. Aleister 17:49 22-3-'11
- Er... What? I'm still not changing my vote. Sorry. -- 17:52, March 22, 2011 (UTC)
- Ah, you kidder! You had me going there for a second. Aleister
- Er... What? I'm still not changing my vote. Sorry. --
- Ah, what a difference a day makes! I was told that not only did you read the review and the page over again, but that your bellylaughs could be heard a block away. That must have shocked the neighbors and woken all the dogs! Glad to have made your day, and now stop laughing long enough to eat something, you don't want to "starve from laughter" as they say in the hood. Aleister 17:49 22-3-'11
- Oh! I get it... --
- What? No, I said "Thank you for abstaining today but then reading the pee review and opening your eyes to the wonder of Skunk tomorrow". You must have read it wrong. And maybe on the old dinosaur it could just be "Dinosaur Fossil" without the () thing. I best be off the site for an hour or so, Away. . . .Aleister 23:21 21-3-'11
- Thanks? Most people don't thank other people for abstaining on their article. Anyway, thanks for saying thanks! --
- Thank you for abstaining today but then reading the pee review and opening your eyes to the wonder of Skunk tomorrow. And since I'm here, why not nominate That time I took a sojourn to visit my friend Jim Freklowski for either VFH or VFD, a fine addition to either one of those wonderful gardens. Thanks again! Aleister 23:11 21-3-'11
- Okay, I can't wait to see what you whore to me next. Anyway, Dinosaur (fossil)? Now that's hilarious! --
- Whore? No, never. It was just that as I was typing that, Suddenly Skunks! What was I to do? I'll do another read of Dinosaur too, it's been awhile. Thanks for taking the initiative on that. I guess the old dinosaur page can go under "Dinosaur (fossil)" or something. (and what it was is that Skunk has been kind of hidden away in a list of articles for awhile, and is lingering, so I thought I should push it a bit. If you do vote for it I will whore something else while thanking you, I promise.) Aleister 22:23 21-3-'11
Dino (fossil)
Why not just make the page "Dinosaur (fossil)", I guess that is pretty funny, and not mske it a sub-page of the colonization article. That way we can link it onto the page as well. Dino's rule! Aleister 17:54 22-3-'11
- Er... Because the article has nothing to do with fossils at all. If someone didn't know it was the pre-colonized version they wouldn't get the joke. Anyway, I wasn't kidding about skunk. -- 18:01, March 22, 2011 (UTC)
- Go on, pull my leg all you want. Haahahaahaaha. Hmmmmmmm on the original Dinosaur, maybe like the other ones we can go with "Dinosaur (person)" or Dinosaur (original) or Dinosaur (pre-colonization era) [a play on words for the pre-cambian era], but it's still better to mainspace the page and not leave it as a subpage of another article. Aleister 18:07 22-3-'11
Dinosaur had a movement
Good job moving Dinosaur! But of course not perfect--only I am perfect.
I added links to the Dinosaur talk page for the colonization version and talk history: see http://en.uncyclopedia.co/w/index.php?title=Talk%3ADinosaur&action=historysubmit&diff=5028059&oldid=5027728
Also I added a note about (IMPERIAL COLONIZATION VERSION SWALLOWED THE PREVIOUS VERSION WHOLE) the article's history so that it would be easy for future generations to see where our version was posted (also it makes it much, much easier tracking down who did what later on--trust me, I know from experience; I once spend hours tracking down the work done on a colonization before I started to see who had been active, who contributed, etc.). Of course you didn't know to add a note to the current article's history because I forgot to tell you that. No, wait, if I forgot that would mean I'm not perfect.
Nevermind. User:Why do I need to provide this?/sig10 21:57, March 22, 2011 (UTC)
- Okay. Thanks. I was hoping I was doing it right. Guess not. -- 00:17, March 23, 2011 (UTC)
UnSignpostOnTheDelivery
I love it when the news comes together
March 24th, 2011 • Issue 113 • 83.54% more reliable than The Daily Mail
|
The Apocalypse will be televised
 Hello folks, I don't usually write this, but at the time of writing, there's only 3 days left till this It certainly has been an interesting week; for starters, the April Fool's ideas have been coming in thick and fast - so far, people seem very vocal about switching the site's skin to the Wikia one, which people are naturally rather divided about in equal measure - your dear Editor personally thinks that showing people what the world would be like if Hitler won the war is obviously a winner; all hail the Wikia skin. Meanwhile, our The Hourly writing contest came and went; amazingly, 5 out of 7 articles made the cut, thanks in no part to cronyism or vote-rigging, let me assure you. Indeed, the result was so encouraging that another one is planned for the near future, so if you have the time and inclination to wake yourself up at 4am to ultimately have the fruits of your labour ruthlessly shot down in flames and extricated from the site, please do so. Finally, Armageddon was narrowly avoided this week after Lyrithya decided the best use of her temporary adminship would be to nuke VFD - resulting in the already teetering Wikia servers completely shitting themselves due to the article having OVER NIIINE THOUSAND edits (actually, over 96,000), and thus making the article restoration page fail to load. Hence, a wave of panic ensued both on the Village Dump and the evil perpetrator's talk page until Olipro managed to trick MediaWiki into restoring it through a spot of form element manipulation. Everyone has AIDS: A Zombiebaron Editorial
 The red and the green clouds moved swiftly over the statue of King Fooodup, dissolving all of the bronze, and as the bronze dissolved, the clouds grew bigger. Slowly, Captain Thunder inhaled his Pethefon62 capsule, careful to remain hidden and quiet. Closing his eyes, the captain began the familiar countdown from 62 while mentally mapping out his next moves. This was the moment that Yonderfluff had been waiting for, and now he did not hesitate to unsheathe his ceremonial vorpal flaming dagger +5 and plunge it deep into the unsuspecting captain's evil heart, while screaming, "EVERYONE HAS AIDS!!!!" Finally Yonderfluff had killed the man who had killed him in an alternate universe twelve million years earlier. The harvest on Mars that year was mighty, and Earth's moon exploded. Hey guys! Thanks for reading this except from a new trilogy of non-fiction books that I am currently writing as part of my job. The books are based on the events of World War I. This is an excerpt from last page of the last book. Please let me know what you think of it on my talkpage! At the Village Stocks  Over at Wikipedia they have their very own page to tribute the idiocy of their administrators. It even has a cute template to declare that they are trying to be amusing. We need no cute template and we need no stocks, either, since saying our administrators are foolish would be cause for immediate execution under the 'hedonistic-fascist-aristocratic-regime-that-refuses-to-recognise-my-brilliance' act of 2011. However for this week, we have made a special exception and Lyrithya is going to be the lucky administrator to be on the receiving end, having done something so monumentally stupid that it appears in two UnSignpost stories and takes up the entire "From our logs" section for this week. Normal people, when hearing someone in the pub say, "Wouldn't it be funny if we went to Canada and pretended to be bears for 2 years?" would laugh and imagine how stupid actually doing that would be. Lyrithya is not such a person, and would already have bought a bear costume and be paddling about in Canadian rivers catching Salmon before you could say 'nitwit'. The metaphorical bear costume and river in Canada for this week is VFD, and the hilarious suggestion the deleting of the same. Lyrithya did it, couldn't fix it because of the massive edit history, and would probably still be trying to fix it had Olipro not stepped in and saved the day. What a clot. As a brief footnote, thanks to everyone who took part in the hourly writing competition. The European one has now hit the village dump, so if you weren't able to take part last time, you now have no excuse. |
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~ 10:12, 24 March 2011
Yo
Νομίζεις ότι είσαι έξυπνος κύριε μάγε? --~ 19:40, March 24, 2011 (UTC)
- Καλά υποθέτω ότι είμαι κάπως ευφυής, αλλά όχι σε μια υπερφίαλη είδος του τρόπου. Γιατί; -- 20:02, March 24, 2011 (UTC)
- Υ.Γ.
- Ναι? είμαι χρησιμοποιώντας το Google Translate, οπότε σας παρακαλώ να μην μου πείτε πόσο κακή γραμματική μου. Το ξέρω.
WTF?
- LOL vandalz 20:13, March 24, 2011 (UTC)
- I think you mean
- Τι στο διάολο;
- -- 20:54, March 24, 2011 (UTC)
And also, I'm just saying, But that link on Crapedia wiki doesn't actually contain a Virus. - LOL vandalz 08:09, March 25, 2011 (UTC)
- Δεν έπρεπε να αρχίσω αυτή τη συζήτηση γιατί πάλι κατέληξα να είμαι με πονεμένα αυτιά. --~
08:30, March 25, 2011 (UTC)
- Mimo: Τι συζήτηση; Another n00b: Are you saying it was suposed do do that? -- 15:00, March 25, 2011 (UTC)
- Το Yo πράγμα. με τα ελληνικά. --~ 15:12, March 25, 2011 (UTC)
- Νομίζεις ... Είμαι σχεδίασης μια κενή εδώ? θα μπορούσατε να επεξεργαστεί για μένα, παρακαλώ; -- 15:15, March 25, 2011 (UTC)
- Νομίζεις ... Είμαι σχεδίασης μια κενή εδώ? θα μπορούσατε να επεξεργαστεί για μένα, παρακαλώ; --
- Το Yo πράγμα. με τα ελληνικά. --~
- Mimo: Τι συζήτηση; Another n00b: Are you saying it was suposed do do that? --
No, it wasn't. What language are you speaking anyway? - LOL vandalz 15:39, March 25, 2011 (UTC)
- We're speaking in Greek. -- 15:41, March 25, 2011 (UTC)
Yeah, that's a really easy to guess, as after all it's a widespread language that isn't only spoken by a small European country. - LOL vandalz 15:44, March 25, 2011 (UTC)
- Well you did ask. -- 15:45, March 25, 2011 (UTC)
ここでほとんどのユーザーは、少なくとも1つの無駄な言語を知っているかのようにだから、それは思われる。 - LOL vandalz 15:52, March 25, 2011 (UTC)
- 私はすべての言語を話すことができる!!!!!HAはHAのHAの！ -- 16:45, March 25, 2011 (UTC)
Urm... What, you say you know how to say "HA!" in every language? that doesn't make any sense. - LOL vandalz 17:25, March 25, 2011 (UTC)
- 私はNO感を必要とするので、私は意味をなさない!!!!!! -- 19:44, March 25, 2011 (UTC)
Magic Dinosaur
Do you think Dinosaur's about ready for a feature nom? Some bugs have to be shaken out of it, but it could go on the big board and float awhile. I'd nom it but my noms failed at Skunk, no one knows why, so maybe you can do the honors. If only the Skunk were greek, but that's "might have beens", sigh. Aleister' 16:54 25-3-'11
- Really? You're upset about not getting Skunk featured when you have thirty-six point five other features to your name? That's odd... Anyway, I'll nom Dinosaur. Right now. -- 17:00, March 25, 2011 (UTC)
- I have no other articles but Skunk, for it is a true story. I am in love with a Skunk, and my life is a thing sublime. I wanted to show her a feature on our three-month anniversary, but that is not to be. We shall have to find another way to pass the day. Aleister 17:04 25-3-'11
Damn! Moses and iPad
What a flucking great photochop idea. And done very well, it should be featured as soon as possible. Congrats. News: Lyrthrya is threatening to leave for a year. You never nommed Dinosaur! Another nOOb lives in Japan, I think, so he will be melted down soon. The four temp admins term is almost up, I'm gonna miss them as admins! Aleister 1:04 28-3-'11
- Thanks! Lyrthrya can't leave! I never nommed it because I was waiting for the vote count to go below fifteen. No, he lives in the UK. He is from japan. I'll miss 'em too. And congrats on the featuring of Viking Metal. Does that cover everything? -- 01:10, March 28, 2011 (UTC)
- P.S. Notice the Hebrew letters on the Ipad's screen.
- That's what makes it so good, that Moses is bringing down the 10 commandments on an iPad. Do the letters/words mean anything? Ah, good, I didn't know another noob lives on the Isle. I hope his relatives in Japan are coming out of things alright. I think we can nom again, the 15 was just to get it down a bit before people started up again. Thanks. And I hope Lyrthrya isn't serious. Do you have any other topics we can write about in ten words or less? Aleister 1:21 28-3-'11
- Well... Did you see the game on Saturday? -- 01:24, March 28, 2011 (UTC)
- Oh! and I don't know what the Hebrew letters mean. They're supposed to be "A vocalized biblical Hebrew manuscript" whatever that means... -- 01:33, March 28, 2011 (UTC)
- Didn't watch it, but heard that Butler is back in the final four. I'm not a basketball person, but my brother-in-law and I were in Vegas last year when the championship was played, and he got to watch it from the Sport Book room of the Bilagio (sp?) hotel and was rooting for Butler. People traveled thousands of miles to be in that room that evening, so it was fun for him. I, on the other hand, didn't stay with him for the game, and instead watched the woman dance on tiny tables at the Planet Hollywood casino. Have you done the Vegas thing? The letters are probably vocalizing a curse upon the heads of the heathen unbelievers. Aleister 1:34 28-3-'11
- Er.. I was joking about the game (why does no one get jokes here?). I have not done the "Vegas thing". It probably is. -- 01:43, March 28, 2011 (UTC)
- Ah, a joke. Not having a sense of humour, I would never have gotten that, so I was trolled very well, thank you. And Vegas awaits you, someday. Must sign off now. Things beckon me. Aleister 1:48 28-3
- Okay, bye! -- 01:49, March 28, 2011 (UTC)
- Okay, bye! --
- Ah, a joke. Not having a sense of humour, I would never have gotten that, so I was trolled very well, thank you. And Vegas awaits you, someday. Must sign off now. Things beckon me. Aleister 1:48 28-3
- Er.. I was joking about the game (why does no one get jokes here?). I have not done the "Vegas thing". It probably is. --
- Didn't watch it, but heard that Butler is back in the final four. I'm not a basketball person, but my brother-in-law and I were in Vegas last year when the championship was played, and he got to watch it from the Sport Book room of the Bilagio (sp?) hotel and was rooting for Butler. People traveled thousands of miles to be in that room that evening, so it was fun for him. I, on the other hand, didn't stay with him for the game, and instead watched the woman dance on tiny tables at the Planet Hollywood casino. Have you done the Vegas thing? The letters are probably vocalizing a curse upon the heads of the heathen unbelievers. Aleister 1:34 28-3-'11
- Oh! and I don't know what the Hebrew letters mean. They're supposed to be "A vocalized biblical Hebrew manuscript" whatever that means... --
- Well... Did you see the game on Saturday? --
- That's what makes it so good, that Moses is bringing down the 10 commandments on an iPad. Do the letters/words mean anything? Ah, good, I didn't know another noob lives on the Isle. I hope his relatives in Japan are coming out of things alright. I think we can nom again, the 15 was just to get it down a bit before people started up again. Thanks. And I hope Lyrthrya isn't serious. Do you have any other topics we can write about in ten words or less? Aleister 1:21 28-3-'11
- Give link for the Moses and iPad thing. Please. Yes. --~ 19:07, March 28, 2011 (UTC)
- It's here. I'm working on making the Ipad look more painted right now. -- 00:55, March 29, 2011 (UTC)
- It's here. I'm working on making the Ipad look more painted right now. --
*Achoo!*
Excuse me. Anyway, it looks to me that you wrote, nommed, voted for HowTo:Become a Master of Disguise and were inducted into the brotherhood of disguise masters. Well guess what? It made it into featured queue, which entitles you to the golden Groucho Marx glasses award. Congratulations.
-- 15:44, March 29, 2011 (UTC)
- Did you just said "thanks" to yourself? --~ 15:47, March 29, 2011 (UTC)
- Apparently. Strange... ~ 15:48, 29 March 2011
- I did the same thing when let's take a walk in the city! Got featured. See here. -- 16:23, March 29, 2011 (UTC)
- You're so silly! ^^ ~ 16:33, 29 March 2011
- I know, but the way I feel is yeah it never would've been featured without the voters, but don't I deserve some kind of thanks for writing the thing/bringing my awesome writing skillz to Uncyclopedia? -- 16:35, March 29, 2011 (UTC)
- No. Well, okay, maybe. ~ 16:39, 29 March 2011
- Well not that you had anything to do with it's being featured. At least Romartus abstained; unlike some people. -- 17:01, March 29, 2011 (UTC)
- Did I vote against your previous feature, too? >.< Glarble, either way, well done. One more and you're in the hall of shame, no? ~ 19:37, 29 March 2011
- Actually yes, you did vote against on my revious feature, too. Anyway, can't wait till I'm in! The hall of shame that is. -- 03:00, March 30, 2011 (UTC)
- Actually yes, you did vote against on my revious feature, too. Anyway, can't wait till I'm in! The hall of shame that is. --
- Did I vote against your previous feature, too? >.< Glarble, either way, well done. One more and you're in the hall of shame, no? ~
- Well not that you had anything to do with it's being featured. At least Romartus abstained; unlike some people. --
- No. Well, okay, maybe. ~
- I know, but the way I feel is yeah it never would've been featured without the voters, but don't I deserve some kind of thanks for writing the thing/bringing my awesome writing skillz to Uncyclopedia? --
- You're so silly! ^^ ~
- I did the same thing when let's take a walk in the city! Got featured. See here. --
- Apparently. Strange... ~
Do you think Magic Man deserves thanks for writing articles?
No ~ 18:54, March 29, 2011 (UTC)
YES!!!!!!!!!!!!! YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES
No ~ 
YES!!!!!!!!!!!!! YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YESYES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES
YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES
YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES
YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES
YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES
YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES!!!!!! -- 03:00, March 30, 2011 (UTC)
- Yes! Yes! A thousand times yes! Aleister 3:19 30-3
- For. YES! ARRRGGH!! YES! YES! -
LOL vandalz 19:20, March 30, 2011 (UTC)
- but the score is still -1. HAHA! --~ 13:48, March 30, 2011 (UTC)
- Not anymore! Ha ha, fucker!!!! -- 14:47, March 30, 2011 (UTC)
- being a fucker means fucking women? --~ 14:54, March 30, 2011 (UTC)
- Not exactly... You'll understand when you're older. -- 14:55, March 30, 2011 (UTC)
- Oh... is it a bad word? --~ 14:58, March 30, 2011 (UTC)
- Well fuck is. -- 15:03, March 30, 2011 (UTC)
- Then fuck. --~ 15:31, March 30, 2011 (UTC)
- Now why the fuck did you just cuss, you son of a bitch?! No more goddamn cussing! For fuck's sake... -- 16:45, March 30, 2011 (UTC)
- Because I fucking want to, you fucking piece of a cock-sucking fucking shit. --~ 19:17, March 30, 2011 (UTC)
- For fuck's sake... -- 02:26, March 31, 2011 (UTC)
- For fuck's sake... --
- Because I fucking want to, you fucking piece of a cock-sucking fucking shit. --~
- Now why the fuck did you just cuss, you son of a bitch?! No more goddamn cussing! For fuck's sake... --
- Then fuck. --~
- Well fuck is. --
- Oh... is it a bad word? --~
- Not exactly... You'll understand when you're older. --
- being a fucker means fucking women? --~
- Not anymore! Ha ha, fucker!!!! --
This is your UnSignpost speaking
The Newspaper With Words n' Shit!
March 31st, 2011 • Issue 114 • Journalism sighted ahead!
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Farewell
 Everything that has a beginning has an end, with the possible exception of the autobiography of Wayne Rooney; our literary correspondent was unable to complete it after an unfortunate fire rendered the text The sun is now setting on the time of the temporary admins. For the last month, they have all been mucking in with the rest of the administrators and eating other people's biscuits at the weekly cabal meetings and now it is time for them to go. On Friday the bureaucrats will arrive and the mythical user rights log will appear on recent changes for the gratification of the eagle-eyed Uncyclopedian. So how did they do? Sources close to the temporary admins have chosen to move further away because of the smell, so we haven't been able to ask them anything. The occupational hazard of needing to know things has never stopped the relentless march of journalism before, however, and today shall be no exception. Hyperbole, the eternally wronged victim of Uncyclopedia, has been deleting and banning consistently over the last month and has generally been annoyingly useful. Reportedly he has been "asking questions" when he doesn't know something; clearly he is not sysop material. Lyrithya has been the most visible temporary admin, and her screams at the last Cabal meeting as she was punished for deleting VFD were described as "Most invigorating" by Mhaille, who, due to the nature of that quote, has expressed a wish to remain anonymous. Curiously, despite her undiscriminating use of the delete button, Lyrithya seems inordinately keen not to ban users for long periods of time, citing "Feeling sorry for them" as her reason. Clearly she is not sysop material. ChiefjusticeDS is a very delusional man. Sockpuppet of an unregistered user has been a useful admin and, intelligently, has not drawn attention to himself; an ideal candidate for the mantle of sysop. He is, however, from Belgium; make of that what you will. PuppyOnTheRadio doesn't know what a sysop is, but thinks that it would be a splendid way to spend an afternoon, so he has. He has been the least active of the temporary admins and thus is the most obvious candidate for induction to the order. He is Australian, by the way, from Australia. Ask him about his pet Kangaroo, he must have one, he is an Australian from Australia. Olipro was good enough to give his thoughts to the UnSignpost, saying, "And thus, our great experiment in finding out what happens if you rig yourself to a bomb and give the detonator to a pack of monkeys is over." See you next week, hopefully April Fools Day will happen before then and it will be brilliant, because if there is one thing Uncyclopedia is not short of, it is fools.... and days for them to be fools on. Competition Season
 There is something in the air at Uncyclopedia - it's the smell of competition... and cheese. This is the news that over the next month there will be several competitions to encourage creativity and general brilliance from the community. The first of these is the second round of the hourly writing competition, the first round of which ran a couple of weeks ago. Entrants have an hour to write an article and then a further hour is given over to voting to delete or keep those articles. The last round ran very well, with the majority of the articles entered being kept as a result. If you want to take part in the second round then you only need to sign up here... and then turn up on Saturday. The other competition is Zombiebaron's Imagery Extravaganza, a brand new competition surprisingly being run by Zombiebaron. It is very similar to the PLS and will hopefully encourage the creation of plenty of high quality images, which we can then delete and forget about. So if you aren't planning on creating a single new article/image in the next few weeks and throwing it onto the great bonfire of creativity which, as we all know, is burning at the core of Uncyclopedia, then you should definitely think about it. Probably. Unless you don't want to, which is cool, I guess. |
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~ 
I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 02:17, 31 March 2011
You
Deleted that one thing I gave you. I has forever a sad :( (talk) 02:42, March 31, 2011 (UTC)
- I didn't delete anything, I'm not an admin. But what are you referring to? -- 02:57, March 31, 2011 (UTC)
Pee Review Why?: Why? by Why?
I Pee Reviewed Why?: Why? based on edit 5026548 of 23:17, March 21, 2011. I hope this helps! User:Why do I need to provide this?/sig2 00:00, April 1, 2011 (UTC)
- It does! Thank you so very much! I've never gotten a perfect score on one of my articles before! Thanks again. -- 14:02, March 31, 2011 (UTC)
- You paid him. --~ 14:06, March 31, 2011 (UTC)
- No, I didn't Goddammit Why???, he caught us! The jig's up... -- 14:09, March 31, 2011 (UTC)
- Shouldn't have taken the bribe--could have made more stealing tips. Also note the time stamp of the review and this comment. Hmm, April 1? User:Why do I need to provide this?/sig2 00:00, April 1, 2011 (UTC)
- No, I didn't Goddammit Why???, he caught us! The jig's up... --
- You paid him. --~
I AM A POOP VANDAL
U FUCKING COCKKKKK. SUCK SUCK SUCk !!!!1!!!11 MAGIC MAN SUCKS 2 COCKS 
cock --~ 13:55, March 31, 2011 (UTC)
- LAWL!!!!! -- 13:59, March 31, 2011 (UTC)
- big>ARE YOU SURE,COCK SUCKER?/big></big --~ 14:02, March 31, 2011 (UTC)
- You're fucking up my talk page. -- 14:10, March 31, 2011 (UTC)
- I know it. POOP. --~ 14:14, March 31, 2011 (UTC)
- 0_o -- 14:17, March 31, 2011 (UTC)
- (. )( .) --~ 14:21, March 31, 2011 (UTC)
- Your penis------> <------Your penis. You'll notice it's not there. -- 14:22, March 31, 2011 (UTC)
- Where is it? --~ 14:23, March 31, 2011 (UTC)
- There isn't one. -- 14:25, March 31, 2011 (UTC)
- There isn't one. --
- Where is it? --~
- Your penis------> <------Your penis. You'll notice it's not there. --
- (. )( .) --~
- 0_o --
- I know it. POOP. --~
- You're fucking up my talk page. --
Conservapedia reskin
Oh yeah, that's REALLY funny. Of course, a reskin plagiarised from a wiki which isn't even available in my country (¬_¬) . - LOL vandalz 15:45, March 31, 2011 (UTC)
- Well, that's what we're doing. Like it, or the thought police will make you disappear. -- 15:46, March 31, 2011 (UTC)
Ah well, how unfunny. This website has very rarely made me laugh. In fact, Hey! if you want to be fucking funny and ironic for April fool's day, FEATURE A GOOD ARTICLE FOR ONCE YOU COCK-FACED WEARING WANKERS! - LOL vandalz 15:51, March 31, 2011 (UTC)
- 0_o -- 00:54, April 2, 2011 (UTC)
I was gone
The reason I haven't been here for almost two days it I spilled coffee on my modem, and had to get a new one. Anyway, sorry. -- 00:55, April 2, 2011 (UTC)
- How'd you manage that? o_O ~ 20:57, 2 April 2011
- I was sitting on the computer with a cup of coffee, then Zombies started attacking, so I'm like "ZOMG!!" And they're like "Brains!" So I'm fighting thees zombies, right? And I'm beating the shit out of 'em, and then out all of a sudden my cat jumps on the computer and knockes my cup over. -- 21:06, April 2, 2011 (UTC)
- I was sitting on the computer with a cup of coffee, then Zombies started attacking, so I'm like "ZOMG!!" And they're like "Brains!" So I'm fighting thees zombies, right? And I'm beating the shit out of 'em, and then out all of a sudden my cat jumps on the computer and knockes my cup over. --
Using a modem? I'd say fuck all to them. Especially when it's like some huge fucking thing which takes up the Headphone slot. Aaaah......... - LOL vandalz 21:30, April 2, 2011 (UTC)
- Er... What? It's not that big... -- 21:31, April 2, 2011 (UTC)
I had to use one which was over 40cm long! It was massive. To be fair it was one of those "Laptops" which naturally garner coffee spills. At least I don't have on that big now. Ah well.... - LOL vandalz 21:34, April 2, 2011 (UTC)
- o_O -- 21:35, April 2, 2011 (UTC)
Yeah, I still have a ZX spectrum! It's a lot older than me, but you can still knock-up a good program in BASIC, Y'know. A better program than in windows XP, for sure. - LOL vandalz 21:39, April 2, 2011 (UTC)
- Now for something completely different: I've been meaning to ask you for a long time to indent your comments correctly, rather than not at all. It's been bugging me for a while. Thanks. -- 21:44, April 2, 2011 (UTC)
Dino pic
I like the dinos and humans warring and the Barney, why don't we just dump the Metal dinosaur, which isn't really a dino but a machine. Then we'd have two good ones with different accents on the future. It's got a good nine votes, which is nice, and three more would be really nice. When there are lots of pages on VFH I think articles in the middle get overlooked by people who haven't read them. Dinos! Al 23:19 2-4-'11
- Okay. Rawr! -- 23:20, April 2, 2011 (UTC)
- Dinos! I read that coffee disaster thing up above, that must have eeekkkked you for a few minutes. Did the cat escape unharmed (or is it now wandering the neighborhood lucking upon a mouse every day or two)? Al 23:23 2-4-'11
- Well, to be fair, it wasn't actually the cat. The cat made a noise and I turned quickly and knocked the cup off the edge. Anyway, she's a black cat, so I guess she really is unlucky. -- 23:27, April 2, 2011 (UTC)
- Well, to be fair, it wasn't actually the cat. The cat made a noise and I turned quickly and knocked the cup off the edge. Anyway, she's a black cat, so I guess she really is unlucky. --
- Dinos! I read that coffee disaster thing up above, that must have eeekkkked you for a few minutes. Did the cat escape unharmed (or is it now wandering the neighborhood lucking upon a mouse every day or two)? Al 23:23 2-4-'11
re: dinosuar
The one where the soldiers are fighting on the dinosaurs. --Dr. Fenwick 00:35, April 5, 2011 (UTC)
- Oh... Thanks. We have that image and another image on <choose>. So you can go take a look. -- 00:43, April 5, 2011 (UTC)
Dinosaur made it into queue!
DINO PARTY!!!
-- 15:13, April 5, 2011 (UTC)
This template you give out to people when you get a featured
I want one of them, but because I didn't vote Guess what?? I'm going to vote For one EVERY article that you make that's on VFH. Every single one. I hope you feel good, and that's Another_n00b Promise. （・∀・） - LOL vandalz 18:21, April 5, 2011 (UTC)
- Er... Which template? The let's take a walk in the city! one, the master of disguise one, or the dinosaur one? -- 19:16, April 5, 2011 (UTC)
Thanks! But there is a month wait
I hear that you'd like to renom my Skunk for VFH. That's very nice of you, but nom's have to be at least a month later than the last nomination. So you should wait awhile. In the meantime you could make a category for forest animals, just to pass the time. And if you like Skunk as much as lots and lots of people say you do, then maybe you can marry a skunk. Then you'd have something to write home about ("Dear Ma, I've married a skunk. Your loving son, Magic man"), there. Thanks again though. Aleister 2:36 7-4-'11
- You're right, I should wait a while before nomming it again; like... Forever. -- 02:40, April 7, 2011 (UTC)
- On a clear day you can see forever. Iz true! Aleister 2:46 7-4-'11
- Good to know. -- 02:47, April 7, 2011 (UTC)
- Good to know. --
- On a clear day you can see forever. Iz true! Aleister 2:46 7-4-'11
So, ah...
Why, exactly, are you being an asshole to me? ~ 04:07, 7 April 2011
- Because you didn't like my canvas. And I'm in a bad mood. -- 04:12, April 7, 2011 (UTC)
- Please don't. ~ 21:48, 7 April 2011
- Okay, I'll stop, bitch. Whoa! That just came out of nowhere! I swear! -- 22:55, April 7, 2011 (UTC)
- Okay, I'll stop, bitch. Whoa! That just came out of nowhere! I swear! --
- Please don't. ~
Terribly creative UnSignpost header
We're delivering it to your door anyways!
April 7th, 2011 • Issue 115 • What news of the Uncyclopedia Holmes?
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April Fool
 As you would expect, April Fools day is a very important day for Uncyclopedia; since we have devoted so much time to being fools, we are expected to be able to come up with something suitably hilarious for April 1st. However as the evening of March 31st drew to a close and all of you were relaxing in your homes/shelters/kennels and chuckling at the last issue of this splendid periodical, frantic discussions were taking place over the use of the Conservapedia skin that had been created specially for the occasion. Several users found the idea of using the Conservapedia skin to be highly unoriginal, so in the spirit of democracy it was cast to one side and three people decided to apply Wikia's wonderful Monaco skin to the entire wiki. This was an unforgivable abuse of power and position; if you would like to register a protest against such action then please drop into Uncyclopedia HQ where a customer service representative will be able to help you. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the Monaco skin and had lives to lead on April 1st, we dispatched one of our roving reporters to deep behind enemy lines to soak in the atmosphere. He returned and informed us that spending a long time looking at the Wikia skin can cause pre-mature ageing, rectal bleeding and sudden blindness, in that order, if you are one of the lucky ones.* The impact of the skin on Uncyclopedia was sudden and varied massively. Some people got angry, some turned off javascript to escape the pain and some laughed at the people doing the above. The UnSignpost was able to visit Olipro, the mastermind behind the reskin, and find out what he thought its impact had been. "It was a raging success," he enthused from behind the safety glass, "and by "raging" I mean people were going fucking mental." After the interview, we departed Dexter111344's Home for People Who Be Trolling, leaving Olipro sniggering at YouTube videos and receiving occasional electric shocks. We are told this is an essential part of his treatment. The reskin divided the community into those who could turn the reskin off, those who couldn't and those who were just so angry that all they could do is create forums about the consequences for Uncyclopedia and the world in general. The reskin was removed shortly after midnight on April the 2nd, apparently because of AIDS. Happy April fools day; perhaps next year we could just leave the Main Page as it is and then discuss how disgusting it is that we haven't done anything for April fools day. *We worked this out with Science. You don't need to know how. I hate you and your competition
 As part of our commitment to being the worst at absolutely everything, we here at Uncyclopedia have taken a new and interesting course in article writing - a new trend of "hate articles". After the huge success of Fuck ChiefjusticeDS, several other writers have been eager to jump on the bandwagon of its success, with Speaking of originality, a whole host of new competitions seem to be hitting the village dump and the Cabal has expressed some concern as to this trend. It reminds all citizens to abide, and to consider that competitions are like Rats, quite cool when they turn up alone or a couple of times a year, but they will strip the flesh from the bone when hundreds turn up at once. The Cabal would also like to invite you to a seminar next Wednesday as part of the ongoing "Obeying the Cabal" series; this week we are focusing on obeying despite the loss of your parents, siblings and pet hamster. |
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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 04:24, 7 April 2011
Pants
--~ 11:41, April 8, 2011 (UTC)
- But does he like TV? ~ 17:44, 8 April 2011
- If he wears pants he has to like TV. --~ 17:57, April 8, 2011 (UTC)
- TV? Yeah, I guess it's kinda cool. But I like the computer more. -- 19:09, April 8, 2011 (UTC)
- There's porn on the TV too. --~ 19:11, April 8, 2011 (UTC)
- Yeah, but you have to buy it. -- 19:12, April 8, 2011 (UTC)
- Yes but are the boobs real? --~ 19:25, April 8, 2011 (UTC)
- Probably not, but certainly not on TV either. -- 21:34, April 8, 2011 (UTC)
- and you are a robot. --~ 07:16, April 9, 2011 (UTC)
- Beep-boop-boop* I WILL *Beep-boop-boop* DESTROY MIMO&MAXUS!!! *Crushes Mimo's head* -- 13:56, April 9, 2011 (UTC)
- Beep-boop-boop* I WILL *Beep-boop-boop* DESTROY MIMO&MAXUS!!! *Crushes Mimo's head* --
- and you are a robot. --~
- Probably not, but certainly not on TV either. --
- Yes but are the boobs real? --~
- Yeah, but you have to buy it. --
- There's porn on the TV too. --~
- TV? Yeah, I guess it's kinda cool. But I like the computer more. --
- If he wears pants he has to like TV. --~
hypnotist
I just read your article that's up for PEE. It's very good but I can't help feeling that it may be a little short. Perhaps the ending is a little too obvious also? I don't see why the hypnotist shouldn't be a pervert but you might want to hint at it a little less overtly. Not that I specialise in subtlety myself, I'm just anticipating comments from others should it end up on VFH - where it surely soon belongs.--Sog1970 08:49, April 9, 2011 (UTC)
- Thanks! For the complements and the advice! I'll see what I can do with your advice. Thanks again. -- 13:53, April 9, 2011 (UTC)
- Check out the waterboarding pic I just categorized. Magical magician, I think that's Houdini himself. Al 3:25 11-4-'11
- I see. And yes, that is Houdini. -- 04:14, April 11, 2011 (UTC)
- I see. And yes, that is Houdini. --
- Check out the waterboarding pic I just categorized. Magical magician, I think that's Houdini himself. Al 3:25 11-4-'11
Dinosaurs aren't extinct any more--featured!
This person wrote an article which became one of the Featured Articles on Uncyclopedia. Ain't they clever?!
For this you get 1/2 Feature Credit. Woo Hoo! User:Why do I need to provide this?/sig11 20:55, April 11, 2011 (UTC)
- Thanks! Did you give it to Al too? I hope so. You should get one too. Anyway, thanks again. -- 01:30, April 12, 2011 (UTC)
- It's detailed on the IC talk page. No, I didn't award myself 1/2 credit, but did Aleister, and also Happytimes who headed the project, collected images, and did much of the early edits. User:Why do I need to provide this?/sig11
VOTE WHORING
I'd like it if you would nom me for VFS. Consider this a mirror of the vote whoring you did before. --Revolutionary, Anti-Bensonist, and TYATU Boss Uncyclopedian Meganew (Chat) (Care for a peek at my work?) (SUCK IT, FROGGY!) 15:27, April 12, 2011 (UTC)
- Will do chief. Although, I'm sure this breaks some kind of rule. -- 15:40, April 12, 2011 (UTC)
- Not a rule. Usually the people who vote for themselves and the ones who whore themselves are the first ones to not vote for, however. Just a thought. ~ 16:32, 12 April 2011
- I don't believe I would be prone to vote for someone who voted or whored for them self. Just saying. -- 21:58, April 12, 2011 (UTC)
- I don't believe I would be prone to vote for someone who voted or whored for them self. Just saying. --
- Not a rule. Usually the people who vote for themselves and the ones who whore themselves are the first ones to not vote for, however. Just a thought. ~
The UnSignpost: On-time and on top of things... as always.
The Newspaper That Gets Its News Solely From Vandalism Johnny Is Teh FAGXORZ!!111 SHUT UP DOUCHEBAG!!11
April 14th, 2011 • Issue 116 • These are not the enraged monkeys you're looking for.
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Sysops, sysops, and more sysops
It has been over a year since the last VFS, over a year since the last batch of sysops were elected in the tyrannical drama-fest that lies at the heart of the Uncyclopedia powerbase, and now, amidst rampant vote-whoring and election campaigns running wild across the wiki, the voting is once more in full swing. In proper UnSignpost fashion, however, and as part of our continued attempts to avoid overusing self-referential humour and to instead report on something that people may not have already noticed, we have sent reporters into the heart of the storm to investigate these most momentous ongoings. In all of the two minutes it took to skim the scores, it was revealed that people so far seem to really favour Lyrithya and Sockpuppet of an unregistered user, who already have scores of over twenty each, although they both clearly suck. Voting, however, has only been going on for all of a day, following a nomination period that likewise went on for all of a day and yet still somehow managed to result in the entire active userbase being nominated, as well as part of the inactive userbase, a couple of people only active on the IRC channel who in fact didn't even have accounts on the wiki itself until they made some for the occasion, two users who are already admins and one of whom is also a bureaucrat, and a bot... of an admin. This told us two things: Uncyclopedia standards are evidently still at an all-time low, and that our reporters needed to get out of there as soon as possible and adjourn for lunch, and not just because it was meatballs.
 Awards and contests everyone forgot about
As with all months, the usual awards have all already been forgotten about in lieu of more interesting things. So far, they look terribly riveting, with Matt lobster the only real contender for both Uncyclopedian of the Month and Writer of the Month, as well as Lockdandload taking the lead in the Noob of the Month voting, although he's probably just Matt lobster in disguise, now that we think about it. As such, we attempted to sit down with this intriguing user for an interview, but as he never showed up (possibly because we neglected to tell him), he didn't have terribly much to say about the matter. Meantime, all the other awards, including ANotM, PWotM, FP, EGA, PotM, AotM, UGotM, and NOM NOM NOMotm, are all looking kind of neglected. RotM isn't, however. Go support that one guy along with everyone else, if you can be bothered.
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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 04:01, 14 April 2011
Please talk to me on my talkpage
I need one more section until I can succesfully archive it and have a fresh new talkpage. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 21:49, 16 April 2011
- I need five more before I archive mine. Anyway, go check your talk page. -- 22:44, April 16, 2011 (UTC)
- P.S. You spelled successfully wrong, and talk page is two words, not one.
- I have two limits, either when it reaches 30, or on my anniversary of turning from Maniac mcpee into Lollipop, which is February 19th. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 22:47, 16 April 2011
- Oh, cool. -- 01:28, April 17, 2011 (UTC)
- Yes. I just had a whole shoutout from Skully and Lyrithya about welcoming users, so my head is a bit sore. I miss the old Uncyc gang, with Mimo and Puppy and Black Flamingo and Happymonkey. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 21:55, 17 April 2011
- "The old Uncyc gang"? I'm not exactly sure what you meant by that. I mean, to be fair, you, me, and Mimo aren't exactly the oldest users ever. -- 13:31, April 21, 2011 (UTC)
- "The old Uncyc gang"? I'm not exactly sure what you meant by that. I mean, to be fair, you, me, and Mimo aren't exactly the oldest users ever. --
- Yes. I just had a whole shoutout from Skully and Lyrithya about welcoming users, so my head is a bit sore. I miss the old Uncyc gang, with Mimo and Puppy and Black Flamingo and Happymonkey. --
- Oh, cool. --
- I have two limits, either when it reaches 30, or on my anniversary of turning from Maniac mcpee into Lollipop, which is February 19th. --
That UnSignposty thing
In Pure Russian Fashion, The Newspaper That Reads YOU!!
April 21st, 2011 • Issue 117 • Please don't immerse this periodical in water.
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VFS update
As is customary when a VFS is running, the UnSignpost has chosen to shun the various non-events that have punctuated the week and is instead filling the space by updating you with information that is freely available to absolutely everyone elsewhere. Remember: we click links and read words so you don't have to. At the time of going to press, VFS has not yet lurched into its 4th and final phase, so we have called in experts to predict which RT: Good day Fred: Where am I?? Get this sack off my head! USP: Fred, don't struggle; struggling just makes the poison spread faster. Now Rabbi, who do you think will make it through to the final round of VFS? Fred: Socky for admin! Argh the pain! RT: Well I must say all the chaps and fellows competing are absolutely splendid. I have watched with baited breath as they have competed in the spirit of manly competition, the girding of the loins and the splendid grunts to show us all they are trying. Despite that, two prime specimens appear to be distancing themselves from the pack. This Sockpuppet fellow certainly plays with a straight bat and it wouldn't surprise me if he hits it for 6. Fred: Woo! USP:Rabbi, do you mean you think he will make it into the next round? RT: Oh yes, that said, the burly fellow following him, this Lyrithya lad, certainly seems to have the spunk to go all the way. USP: Lyrithya is supposedly a female, Rabbi. RT: Nonsense! How could a woman carry out all the manly tasks necessary? She'll be pruning her eye brows and trimming her nose hairs the whole time. Fred: Nonsense, I think she will be a splendid- What?? RT: Women have to prune and trim or they wilt and die! You've seen sheep eating grass, women are like that except they use these little tubes of pink stuff. Sheep are also noticeably less woolly. Now answer me this! Where will she hang her breasts at night if we appoint her?? USP: Quite true. Fred: Is everyone here mad? Have either of you ever met a woman?? USP: No, I've seen them on the internet though! RT: My mother was a woman... we were introduced when I was 7. Does that count? USP: Fred, what about the other nominees, do any of them deserve it more than the two leaders? Fred: None of them are sandwiches and that is what this site and society in general sorely need. USP: Rabbi? RT: All splendid masculine fellows, except perhaps Magic man, regrettably they lack the range of this Sockpuppet fellow and this... woman. My conclusion must be that only Sockpuppet and Lyrithya will proceed to the next round. Fred: Sandwiches. USP: Thank you both of you, you can go home now. We'll unlock the shackles in a moment. So there you have it; our editor seems happy that there is a meaningful conclusion in there somewhere, though good luck finding it. Be sure to look for updates to VFS here and nowhere else next week. Editors note: While you are all aware that this is hilarious, we must stress that the opinions above are either based very loosely on what those users have said or have been completely made up in the name of hilarity. It's true. Socky's name isn't Fred at all. |
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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 07:18, 21 April 2011
Oh hai
- I'm back!! Just so you know. In case you thought you'd seen the last of me, and gotten rid of me, well tough. Your stuck with me. Ah well, better luck next time. - LOL vandalz 21:53, April 22, 2011 (UTC)
- Actually, I was disappointed you got banned. Glad your back, but don't do it again. -- 19:50, April 23, 2011 (UTC)
- Actually, I was disappointed you got banned. Glad your back, but don't do it again. --
- I'm back!! Just so you know. In case you thought you'd seen the last of me, and gotten rid of me, well tough. Your stuck with me. Ah well, better luck next time. -
SHAME ON YOU!!!
You may have had 2 featured articles here on Uncyclopedia, but how you could you vandalize our inspiration Wikipedia the way you did? Now you are permabanned there, you cannot create an account, and you cannot even access your talk page. And I though Lollipop had it bad! SHAME! --Scofield 11:39, April 23, 2011 (UTC)
Oh wait. So you weren't permabanned? Alright, then we're cool! --Scofield 11:46, April 23, 2011 (UTC)
- What was his account name on there?? - LOL vandalz 12:02, April 23, 2011 (UTC)
- He was an I.P. Heck, even Lyrithya wasn't pleased with him celebrating "vandalize Wikipedia day". --Scofield 15:53, April 23, 2011 (UTC)
- Actually, as I've said before: it wasn't me! It was probably someone in my house (I don't live alone). In fact, I bet I know who it was... -- 19:46, April 23, 2011 (UTC)
- Are you seriously trying to use the "My little brother did it" excuse on us?? think again. - LOL vandalz 19:51, April 23, 2011 (UTC)
- I never said it was my little brother. All I know is I didn't do it. -- 20:49, April 23, 2011 (UTC)
- No, I snuck a way onto Wikipedia again. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 20:52, 28 April 2011
- Good to know. -- 20:53, April 28, 2011 (UTC)
- Once my little cousin came over and created another account and logged into my account (it was Maniac mcpee at the time) and was fooling around, until I got him to go away. He was 12 (that was in October) and my mom was like "be nice to your cousin and let him go on the computer". How dare he create a new account and then log out and log into my account (if you're wondering how he did it, my username is remembered on the computer, so whenever I type 'm', Maniac mcpee pops up. And if I type 'l', Lollipop comes up) I've told my cousin to bring his laptop whenever he comes to our house. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 20:58, 28 April 2011
- Your mom? Um... Exactly how old are you? -- 21:23, April 28, 2011 (UTC)
- I turn 18 on May 2nd. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 21:39, 28 April 2011
- Oh... I thought you were like twelve or something... My birthday is on May 22nd, I'll be turning... Well actually I won't be turning anything; I don't age. -- 21:51, April 28, 2011 (UTC)
- Oh... I thought you were like twelve or something... My birthday is on May 22nd, I'll be turning... Well actually I won't be turning anything; I don't age. --
- I turn 18 on May 2nd. --
- Your mom? Um... Exactly how old are you? --
- Once my little cousin came over and created another account and logged into my account (it was Maniac mcpee at the time) and was fooling around, until I got him to go away. He was 12 (that was in October) and my mom was like "be nice to your cousin and let him go on the computer". How dare he create a new account and then log out and log into my account (if you're wondering how he did it, my username is remembered on the computer, so whenever I type 'm', Maniac mcpee pops up. And if I type 'l', Lollipop comes up) I've told my cousin to bring his laptop whenever he comes to our house. --
- Good to know. --
- No, I snuck a way onto Wikipedia again. --
- I never said it was my little brother. All I know is I didn't do it. --
- Are you seriously trying to use the "My little brother did it" excuse on us?? think again. -
- Actually, as I've said before: it wasn't me! It was probably someone in my house (I don't live alone). In fact, I bet I know who it was... --
- He was an I.P. Heck, even Lyrithya wasn't pleased with him celebrating "vandalize Wikipedia day". --Scofield 15:53, April 23, 2011 (UTC)
- What was his account name on there?? -
You
Keep making pictures; you're pretty good. You could be great, however, so keep practising. Also, this place sucks, so we kind of need it in general. ~ 16:28, 23 April 2011
- Thanks! You can believe there will be more from me. Thanks again. -- 19:48, April 23, 2011 (UTC)
UnSignpost: April 28th, 2011
Reading This Is The Mysterious Second Step To Getting Profit From Stealing Childrens' Underwear!
April 28th, 2011 • Issue 118 • A brilliant reasonable periodical.
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General News Round-up
It has been another uneventful week at Uncyclopedia, which, contrary to popular belief, is good for the UnSignpost. Uneventful weeks mean we can report in the vaguest terms possible the various goings on on the wiki, a task made infinitely easier through the existence of the Uncyclopedia at a glance page. For instance, did you know that here at Uncyclopedia we have featured 1,731 articles, which is approximately 7%! We don't know what it's 7% of; we aren't scientists. Uncyclopedia at a glance is a splendid resource, which the UnSignpost would recommend to anyone with a spare afternoon and no other plans for their internet usage. Elsewhere on the wiki, VFS has clunked into its final stage, with Lyrithya and Sockpuppet of an unregistered user both reaching the final round. Normally, at this point, the existing administrators vote on a candidate until the 30th of the month, whereupon a messenger is dispatched to the lair of the bureaucrats informing them whom should be afforded the gift of divinity. This Cabal memo clearly never reached Under user, who has started a vote calling for both candidates to receive adminship. "It's a disgrace, if we give them both admin rights who loses? That's the only reason I vote on these things," said unnamed cabal member ChiefjusticeDS, whose voice has been disguised in order that he remain anonymous. Meanwhile, over on the forums, Magic man proposed a meeting of the Uncyclopedians in some kind of convention, probably to be held 2 minutes walk from where he lives, slap bang in the middle of not-where-you-live-'s ville. Modusoperandi agreed with Magic man, saying "None of us are in jail," while Dexter111344 called it a "Horrific idea," which is certainly how this newspaper would react to any idea that involved meeting Dexter111344 in person without the presence of several Police officers. Finally, Dr. Skullthumper has embarked on another quest of utter pointlessness, deploying his bot and himself to "convert HTML" all over the wiki. Pity him. He knows not what he does. Uncyclopedia in the news again
 In an age of information overload and astonishingly inaccurate Internet posts, it's reassuring that at least one website strives to be inaccurate at all times. That website is Sign on San Diego, a parody of a news website which bills itself as having all sorts of "Hot Topics" for the people of San Diego and anyone else who might be interested. Recent Sign on San Diego headlines include: "San Diego's air pollution among worst in nation", "Man robs downtown restaurant" and "Reward offered in transient assault case". This leads us to the article that they mentioned, which was about the "fast-rising" Biffy Clyro, the article is in dire need of rewriting but we know better than most not to let quality stand in the way of meeting journalistic deadlines. The crux of the matter is that Biffy Clyro are playing a show in San Diego, which you should attend, provided you aren't dying of air pollution, being robbed in restaurants or assaulted. The article also mentioned <insert name here>'s sterling and exemplary contributions to Uncyclopedia since they joined. The truth is, alas, somewhat less colourful. Naruto
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~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 06:20, April 28, 2011 (UTC)
Your Moses image is great
Which is why I'm personally seeking your help (and Sonje's too just in case) for fulfilling my request at the dreadfully abandoned UN:PIC. I'm confident you would do a swell job, and the 'chop shouldn't be too hard. So if you feel up to it... thank you! --
TKFU
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK 
07:54, April 28, 2011 (UTC)
- Thank you! And yes, I'm sure it wouldn't be too hard. I'll see what I can do. Thanks again. -- 14:29, April 28, 2011 (UTC)
I hate you, Magic man
Why is Dinosaur YOUR featured article? I hate you. I am like, soooo angry. --Mimo&maxus i am a cunt Hyperbole created this sig 
Bevanz provided the images 19:56, April 28, 2011 (UTC)
- It's not, the leader of imperial colonization gave me half credit. -- 20:02, April 28, 2011 (UTC)
- But Why is in love with you and everyone knows it. I know you didn't pay him for that 50 at the review for Why?:Why. --Mimo&maxus i am a cunt Hyperbole created this sig
Bevanz provided the images 20:17, April 28, 2011 (UTC)
- Actually, contrary to popular belief, I didn't. Anyway, I think he gave me half credit because no one was working on it until I started again. -- 20:31, April 28, 2011 (UTC)
- ...I still hate you. Wanna be my friend? --Mimo&maxus i am a cunt Hyperbole created this sig Bevanz provided the images 21:29, April 28, 2011 (UTC)
- ...I still hate you. Wanna be my friend? --Mimo&maxus i am a cunt Hyperbole created this sig
- Actually, contrary to popular belief, I didn't. Anyway, I think he gave me half credit because no one was working on it until I started again. --
- But Why is in love with you and everyone knows it. I know you didn't pay him for that 50 at the review for Why?:Why. --Mimo&maxus i am a cunt Hyperbole created this sig