User talk:Magic man/archive4

This is an archive. Don't edit it, pencil dick.

NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION! Seriously, who'd expect a template like this to pop up randomly?

Leave a message, or else...

And chocolate

Thanks.

Old stuffs

• Archive one - I come to the wonderful world of Uncyclopedia. Get yelled at alot (not really yelled but just told I was doing something wrong). Get some spam from spam man. And a dance from Dancing dude. I write some articles, revert some vandals, which gets me nomed for Uncyclopedian of the Month (I failed), and an honorary 2nd dance from Dancing dude. I start reviewing, writing requested articles, and getting the the UnSignpost. Halloween comes and goes, And I become 2nd in command for the grue army. I get thanked for voting on VFH, UGotM, and Uotm, judge the aristocrat's turkey day ball, join Imperial Colonization, and for some reason get a death threat from Poiz. Not necessarily in that order.

• Archive two - I prove to Lyrithya that I'm an asshole, get my first Uncyclopedia rape, Christmas comes and goes, I do some more reviewing, win the World's Best Friend, Magician of the month and sandwich of the month award, Dancing dude's dance page gets made, that dickhead Magic man does some vote whoring, I get thanked for voting on stuff, become a member of PEEING, answer noob questions, do more stuff for Imperial Colonization, Alister sprinkles his silliness all over, I write a controversial article, greet some more noobs, I get a cookie from Mimo which somehow ends up in a showdown in MS paint, do some coding stuff, get another cookie from Mr. Soot Gremlin, I finally get an article featured, do some VFD stuff with SPIKE, attempt to speak greek, explane to JackOfSpades why my user talk page is "So fucking red", Mimo calls me a dick, I am informed that my sig is outrageous, someone leaves a message to everyone on my talk page, I WIN! I leave for four days, I get a death threat from Another n00b, and Uncyclopedia breaks. Oh! And did I mention I get yelled at some more? (Wow! Was that a run-on-sentence or what?)

• Archive three - I get "eaten", a penis lollipop finds it's way to my mouth, talking in Japanese, I judge the happy monkey competition, vote whoring, I adopt a noob, a poem-off between me, Al, and Mimo, I make two banners for the happy monkey competition which never get put up, I send off the IC Silver Age, I move Dinosaur on my own, voting thanks, talking in greek, I get into potatochopping, I get another article featured, April Fool's Day comes and goes, I spill coffee on my modem, Dinosaur gets featured and I get half credit, I get a "Pantsless Ninjastar", Another n00b gets banned for being a vandal, then comes back, and I get nommed for PotM. A bunch of other stuff happens, but none of it is interesting.

New(er) stuffs

• Archive five (hey, that rhymes) ~ I call myself a dumbo, which is then confirmed by Lollipop, I sort of help write Horseshoes (game), I rewrite Fruit like twenty times, Shabidoo makes Lyrithya proud to be an Uncyclopedian, I collaborate with Black flamino11 on Sun (which later gets featured), I get Mini-golf featured with Mattsnow, my team and I get 1st place in the Uncyclopedia Summer Extravaganza, Lollipop writes UnPoetia:A Visit from Satanbear, I enter Hearing impairment in the PLS, I get Subliminal stimuli featured, Shabidoo asks me some pressing questions, Bizzeebeever tries to kill me with an axe, I become a poopsmith, I tell everyone that I'm a gymnast, Halloween comes and goes, I win UotM, I visibly bounce around talk pages with Shabidoo and Lollipop, I poopsmith incorrectly a couple times, I write Lawn mowers, I go back to my old signature, and I win WotM (but that's not really reflected in there).

Asshat

That's what you are. -- 22:05, April 28, 2011 (UTC)

Aye, you had to archive it already? -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 22:18, 28 April 2011

Yup, it was over sixty. -- 22:22, April 28, 2011 (UTC)

I always wait until it goes past 45, and it has to be before the 19th of every month. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 22:23, 28 April 2011

And how old did you say Mimo was? Twelve? I assumed he was at least 8. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 22:24, 28 April 2011

Yup, twelve. -- 22:36, April 28, 2011 (UTC)

I always figured Another n00b was younger than Mimo. Another n00b was like Mimo Jr. Until he revealed his dark side and got banned. And I have one more day of being 17 and I celebrate with my new sig. --(talk) 01:05, 1 May 2011

Well... Happy birthday! -- 01:24, May 1, 2011 (UTC)

Gee thanks. --(talk) 23:38, 2 May 2011

You're welcome. -- 23:44, May 2, 2011 (UTC)

If anyone reads this...

Go vote for my article here. Thanks! -- 03:59, April 30, 2011 (UTC)

Birthday

Thanks for the birthday card. When's your birthday? --(talk) 03:37, 4 May 2011

You're welcome. May twenty-second. -- 03:40, May 4, 2011 (UTC)

I'll be sure to make an extra special surprise. How old you turning? --(talk) 03:47, 4 May 2011

One thousand two hundred eighty six. -- 03:49, May 4, 2011 (UTC)

That can't be right, I thought that you were only born in 1874. --(talk) 03:51, 4 May 2011

Oh! You meant in earth years! In that case I'm turning one hundred thirty seven. -- 03:56, May 4, 2011 (UTC)

I hope I have a feature by then. I think I may redo "Fuck Lyrithya" again. --(talk) 21:17, 4 May 2011

In my experience it usually takes longer than that to get a feature. Even if you nommed it right now. But good luck! -- 22:25, May 4, 2011 (UTC)

I hope. Can you help me with this? --(talk) 22:27, 4 May 2011

Yeah, sure. Do you mean help as in co-write, or as in with just one specific thing? -- 22:30, May 4, 2011 (UTC)

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May 5th, 2011 • Issue 119 • I sense a great disturbance in the force.

VFS ends. Apathy grips wiki. By Chief Those of you who were busy having sex with ladies/men/melons on Saturday evening will have stumbled onto the wiki and discovered that there are in fact two new administrators stumbling around the wiki. Since none of you can find things out for yourself, you have sat, baffled, waiting for the UnSignpost to arrive like a beacon: VFS has drawn to a conclusion and the unlucky losers are Lyrithya and Sockpuppet of an unregistered user. Following the announcement and the ritual slaying of a goat that Zombiebaron always insists upon before any new administrators may make use of their powers, the two victors went straight back to what they had been doing before - looking at depraved images on the internet, categorising, looking at fetish porn and indeed categorising fetish porn. Scandal immediately ensued; administrators do not categorise. This not being enough, however, the UnSignpost has taken to the streets of Uncyclopedia to find out what the community thinks about the new additions to the Cabal. The first place our journalists visited was the Ministry of Love, which stands at the centre of Uncyclopedia's financial district, or it would if Uncyclopedia had a financial district. We were thrilled to speak to the duty Cabal representative Zombiebaron, who, when pressed about the empirical significance of the VFS result, slammed his hand down on the table and exclaimed "Zombiebaron". It would seem that a great deal of things are in fact Zombiebaron: the likelihood of the new administrators being embroiled in scandal and VFS voting in general, to name but a few. We also got the opportunity to sit down with Mhaille after he fell out of a vent as we were leaving and find out what he thought of Lyrithya and Socky being administrators. "In theory its a nice idea, but I wouldn't like to see it in practice" he replied "There are far more deserving people who have only recently discovered the site and hold overinflated opinions of themselves who would be better suited". Before we could explain that the VFS has actually taken place, Mhaille collapsed from dehydration and, not wishing to make a fuss, we left him in the lobby. It turns out nobody is particularly bowled over by the result of the VFS; the result having been obvious for about 2 weeks now, this lead to the announcement being met with grunts and sighs about "The state of things". We decided to see what Socky and Lyrithya had to say about their new powers. "It feels invigorating. Though somehow, I hardly feel a difference," mused Socky. "It's like being castrated" he added... with his eyes. Lyrithya, meanwhile, was not available to comment, which shows that she is taking her new role seriously, namely by leaving shortly after being appointed in the style of the greats of 2006. Mordillo is Dead! By a reputable journalist Uncyclopedia's most hated loved Bureaucrat and Administrator has been shot dead by US Special Forces in Northern Pakistan. Mordillo, who had been hunted by Uncyclopedia since disappearing into hiding in early March, died in the early hours of Monday morning (local time) after a group of 25 US Navy SEALS breached his lavish compound in Abbottabad. The Cabal has yet to acknowledge the death of one of their most senior members of staff; this is simply because they are all far too busy crying. Some conspiracy theorists have suggested that Mordillo was extracted from the safehouse in the early hours of Sunday morning and replaced with Osama Bin Laden. These lunatics cite the bearded aspect of the victim and his radical Islamic tendencies, which we cannot now see, as so-called "evidence". Rumours that Mordillo has fled to western Europe are unconfirmed drivel and you are discouraged from looking for him without a submarine, since his body was buried at sea in order to save you footing the bill for having any photographs developed. Uncyclopedians around the world have been warned to brace themselves for possible retaliation from Mordillo's cohorts and reminded to live in abject fear of authority at all times. For now you can sleep peacefully in your beds at night because Mordillo is certainly dead, oh yes, can't get much more dead than the dead he is now...

Check out these pages! Modus' Pants Pain MadMax Pants Pain Solution Pain in your pants? A Pain in the Neck From our logs. New Admin Special: 07:18, May 4, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (I've had it with this place.) 06:50, May 4, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Obvious vandal.) 08:54, May 2, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked <insert name here> (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a large Yak (Your support of my grand plan to destroy the wiki shall not go unappreciated. Thank you.) 21:57, May 2, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked Osama bin Laden (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (You're dead, lol.) 21:33, May 2, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Why do you hate me when I show you nothing but love?) 20:21, April 30, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) resurrected Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) ‎ (hasn't annoyed anyone in the last 5 minutes) 21:49, May 2, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) resurrected Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) ‎ (I am Jesus!) Biopic of the Week As is the tradition when new administrators grace the wiki with their presence, the biopic is devoted to making the crusty, less flexible older admins feel better about not being able to touch their toes. While the administrators have absolute dominion over your continued interaction with this, the most splendid of websites, they are just like you. As Famine explained in his essay, the administrators have a difficult job to do and there are no bitch benefits; honestly you ask any administrator how many bitches they have picked up with their "I'm an administrator on Uncyclopedia" line, the answer? None. How then, I hear you cry, could anyone do the job? Well it's very simple, they don't; all administrators inevitably snap like dry reeds eventually. Some of them leave, some of them die and still others go and get a life. Don't be too hard on the rest of them and certainly don't try to be like them, why not try to be like Chuck Norris instead? Think of the bitch benefits! Did You Know? Sometimes we have to resort to incredibly stupid custom boxes in order to make the two columns be of similar lengths? It isn't essential but symmetry should never be left to rot at the side of the road no matter how many times you have to beat it into shape with a spade. This isn't one of those times by the way. Just thought you'd like to know. Newsroom UnTune of the week Artsy and Misunderstood: A Bedroom Emo Song

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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 00:16, 5 May 2011

Pee

Thanks for the piss. It was oddly quenching. I've followed your advice (at least, I think I have) and improved it. I will be putting it up for one final piss and then I will move on with my life. Hopefully I'll find Jesus. Or Buddha. I'm not picky. --Username18 KUN FP 23:34, May 5, 2011 (UTC)

Wow! You did a great job! Way to go. Oh! And you're welcome. -- 23:48, May 5, 2011 (UTC)

I'm on the verge of archiving my talkpage...it needs one more section

If you don't, i'm adding a </font> tag to end the redness of your page. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 23:33, 7 May 2011

NO!!!! NOT THE REDNESS! ANY THING BUT THE REDNESS!! -- 17:26, May 8, 2011 (UTC)

The Signpost is delivered to all God-fearing citizens

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Now With 0 Trans Fat!

May 12th, 2011 • Issue 120 • Now with no liberal bias!

Uncyclopedia By a concerned citizen After coercing my children/wife into silence and praising the lord Jesus Christ for my newspaper, my toothpaste, the constitution and this great nation, I decided that some time on the internet would bring the morning to an appropriately spiritual conclusion. "Praise the Lord," I murmured as the computer hummed into life; all seemed right in the world as the Lord unendingly smote the unrighteous in my desktop background. Conservapedia recognises that liberalism is spreading and nowhere is this more obvious than Uncyclopedia, which mocks the Lord by using one of his divine creations (a potato) for a logo and being entirely dedicated to spreading lies and half-truths, something we know nothing about at Conservapedia. The site is a temple of blasphemy, gayness and, inevitably, liberalism. As I was being disgusted by the liberalism of the font on the main page and the colour of the links, I was astounded to come across a man asking other men to risk their virtue in a game of strip poker with him. All young men should take heed and embrace God, not Olipro. Poker is also for girls. The so-called forums (a liberal Greek invention) harbor further discussion of user rights; the liberals are erecting their false idols and they venerate these idols and bestrew them with titles. The discussion of the week was over who was the most liberal of the most liberal liberals and which of them should be raised above the others for further worship. Words fail; I had lied to myself (a sin for which I shall be punished) that liberalism was a passing fad, but these people are obsessed with the restriction of their spiritual and physical abilities through their hollow attempts at humor. This Zombiebaron will get his reward in Hell. His very username mocks the Almighty and he shall be punished for his attempted levity. This community is a threat to children, happiness and America. Don't burn with them. MadMax By a slightly less concerned citizen This community of half-wits, liberals, crazies and liberals will burn in Hell, but until that glorious moment of candescence, it is as well that they amuse themselves and only incriminate themselves further in the eyes of the Lord (I do not want to meet any reformed crazies in Heaven). One of Uncyclopedia's faux Gods, MadMax, has conceived a competition to amuse the masses and likely stir homosexual feelings within them. Notice we used the word conceive because it is the only thing MadMax, who is an ABORTIONIST, probably, will ever conceive. Here is how this competition will work: users will spawn articles of varying levels of depravity and sin, which will then be judged by a group of judges, unelected no less, who will select the article containing the most depraved acts and leather harnesses in which unmentionable acts will be perpetrated to be the victor. The person with the worst article is eliminated, sadly only from the competition, and the winners go on to face each other in some kind of orgy to see who will be the winner. This festival of depravity has been going on since last Sunday and this correspondent has no doubt that the only reason it is not finished yet is because liberals are famously lazy, a well known symptom of atheism and pro-choice views. We did not sit down with MadMax to discuss this competition; it was bad enough reading about it. MadMax has indicated his intention to hold the competition again on a larger scale if the trial goes well. We wish him the best of luck and an eternity in the very deepest pit of Hell.

Don't check out these sinful pages! Satanic Images Satanic Messages Fornication They are a gift from God From their Satanic logs: 04:02, May 11, 2011 Ljlego (Talk | contribs) blocked 202.126.198.194 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (No, YOU'RE super duper gay) 09:40, May 10, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Xxseanpikexx (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Dear Mr Pike: Please get a life. Sincerely, everyone who has ever known you) 22:56, May 9, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked Towcar (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Cyberbullying: Be nice, will you? Everything goes so much smoother when everyone dones their fake smiles and wears arbitrary masks...) 22:23, May 7, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked GoUncyclopedia! (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (hahahahaahahah AND YOU STILL CANT SIGN POSTS) 19:05, May 6, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 5 minutes ‎ (dep. re. cat. ed. tags.) Takeover of the Week As you may have noticed this week, the UnSignpost comes from the lovely people at Conservapedia, a temporary change because occasionally we like to go a bit crazy. That said, we cannot neglect biopic of the week, so we are devoting it entirely to Jesus. What can you say about Jesus? He's not active on recent changes, hasn't been seen around here for what feels like 2000 years and when he was around he generally acted like he owned the place, and was, regrettably, banned indefinitely by Pontius Pilate: 20:37, Nissan 14, 33AD Pontius Pilate (Talk | contribs) blocked Jesus (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day (Making me cross! Ha ha ha) Honest, that actually happened. Incidentally, if there was a Cabal, they would take this opportunity to remind you to question nothing you are told. Reason to leave Uncyclopedia #9,000 The liberal bias, there's just so much liberal bias. Satanic verse of the week Ain't Another Way

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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 05:42, 12 May 2011

Hi

Hello Magic man,

I was just reading your review of Stupid Cats and thought that I would point out a very bad grammatical error in your review, since this is about the most only useful thing I feel like doing at the moment. In the sentence "Although, I will say that when you guys said the thing about how the stupid cat's mum might eat the stupid cat for it's, "delicious and tender meat" I chuckled.", it should be "its", not "it's" (the article had got it, for once, right). Yes, I know, I must seem like such a likeable person, since I've only talked to you once before, and that was about some grammar stuff in one of your Pee Reviews too. But look at it from the bright side, I used to make that mistake too and have learned the hard way how it should be spelled properly. And of course, there's the possibility that it was just a careless mistake of you and that you already know that it should be "its" and not "it's". In either case, cheers! Schamschi, 20:18, May 12, 2011 (UTC)

Thanks magic man for your review. I appreciate all the informatio and I have taken it to heart. I basically asked for a pee review because im stuck and i need ideas more than whats wrong with grammar. I need an overall concept and I have no idea what it is. I do very much apreciate what you said and agree with 90 percent, however I really really really need some inspiration. :) --ShabiDOO 22:05, May 12, 2011 (UTC)

Schamschi, ah yes, just a typo. But thank you for informing me. Shabidoo, you're welcome. -- 00:27, May 13, 2011 (UTC)

List of users

Hello M. Man. Magic! I noticed you added Flaming Ace onto the list of users. Would you hate me always if I remove him? He only has 8 edits, and I've been kind of caretaking the list and have added only long-term users who have a substantial or even middling track record. But if the list contained everyone with a small amount of edits who hasn't done something super-crazy, it would be thousands of users long and not serve well as a historical record imnho (as it is now someone can go to the list, find an interesting user, and open themselves up to a great deal of work done by a long term uncyarian). Greetings, and pancakes to you. Aleister 20:11 17-5-'11

Eight edits? I don't know what you're talking about, he has way more than eight. But no, I wouldn't hate you always if you remove him (I'll only hate you for nine years). He's my noob by adoption, so I figured I'd add him. -- 20:27, May 17, 2011 (UTC)

P.S. Can I add Lollipop's sockpuppet to the list?

I don't know what I was looking at. He does have more than eight, but not a whole lot more, and he's been gone for a month. That's usually a sign of he-not-coming-back, so in my world of putting users on that list I don't think he's earned it yet, but it's up to you. Hmmmmm, you adopted him, and he's been gone for a month. Did you...smother him with his complimentary noob pillow? And I'd say no, Lollipop's sockpuppet is worse than Flaming Arse or whatever the guys name is. Al sockpuppet of ChiefJusticeD.S.

I don;t have any sockpuppets. What are y'all talking about? -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 20:34, 17 May 2011

I think he'll be coming back; he tends to leave for long periods of time, but he always comes back. However, you might be right, he might not belong on that list. Anyway, I think that Lollipop's sockpuppet has made enough of an impression to be on that list. And Lollipop, the old guy, wasn't he your sockpuppet? -- 20:51, May 17, 2011 (UTC)

Oh, him. Yeah, that was back in January. The Oldest User Ever. Read more about the sockpuppet here. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 22:19, 18 May 2011

I read it, but I wasn't on the list of buddies then... I feel loved. *Tears up* -- 00:23, May 19, 2011 (UTC)

Sockpuppets do not belong on that list. 1234 ~ 00:38, 19 May 2011

Well, what if it's not a sockpuppet? What if it's actually an alternate personality? -- 00:43, May 19, 2011 (UTC)

STOP EDIT CONFLICTING ME! -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 00:45, 19 May 2011

Oh, I'm so very... *Edit conflict* I' so very... *Edit conflict* I'm so... *Edit conflict* Oh forget i... *Edit conflict* -- 00:49, May 19, 2011 (UTC)

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The Newspaper With Love In Every Paragraph!

May 19th, 2011 • Issue 121 • The place where news goes to die!

Voting Takes a Back Seat By Chief Recently the UnSignpost has been made aware of an alarming development with potentially devastating consequences: Voting for monthly awards is less important than drama. As everyone flocked to the forums this week to register their morally outraged stance at the present system or at the people who are morally outraged at the present system, the UnSignpost headed to the award pages that time forgot, to take in the atmosphere and canvas the nominations for this month. The first page we looked at was Playwright of the month, an award for the author of the best UnScript this month. Recipients of this award have provided pretty much every UnScript ever due to the general lack of UnScript articles churned out every month. The last winner was Guildensternenstein, back in February, and since then voting has descended into n00b of the month territory as this month's nominee Ljlego storms ahead of the pack of er... nobody with a score of "Your Dad is Bi". Meanwhile, Article Narrator of the Month is even more desolate, with no nominees for this month and the last winner being Electrified mocha chinchilla, a situation which is commonly agreed that it is a death knell for absolutely any award. Our experts believe that the lack of recorded articles is because no blind people read Uncyclopedia, and nobody wants their article read to them by Electrified mocha chinchilla; it would be like a bed-time story from hell. The "only blind people need audio because everybody else has a pair of eyes" label has also been ascribed (by a highly paid team of consultants and I) to the Emmanuel Goldstein Award of Excellence in the Distribution of Misinformation, which this month is being contested by a user who isn't here and Dexter111344; unsurprisingly, Dexter is losing (why break the habbit of a lifetime?). Ultimately there are hundreds of awards starving to death on Uncyclopedia as newer users have no idea they exist; there are hundreds of shiny baubles on offer for a user with the will to go out and get them. Incidentally, VFH, UotM, VFP, VFD, NotM, WotM and RotM could use some attention, too. Remember, voting lubricates the gears and cogs of Uncyclopedia and you wouldn't want Uncyclopedia to break, would you? Also we have a huge selection of ninjastars just rusting over here. Somebody you know must deserve one! The Forum By Chief Since we have been forced to accept that the forums aren't an entirely useless part of the website, we have decided to quickly zip through without talking to anybody, naturally, and bring you the most happeningest news from this correspondent's least favourite namespace, save for UnDictionary (It's just words, I can't stand words). First up and most important, or so we are told, is the vote for Unimage of the year. Apparently, some of you have been failing in your voting duties, and we would like to single out one person who has failed to vote on this page and that is JackOfSpades. Now, JackOfSpades has been around for the last week and yet he has not voted; the UnSignpost and the expectant world call on JackOfSpades to come forward and explain exactly what he thinks he is playing at. Now while JackOfSpades has been highlighted for his crippling laziness, it could just as easily have been you: Sycamore/Sonje/Romartus. We're going to turn off the lights on the page and when we turn them back on, if some votes just happen to have appeared we'll say no more about it. It would obviously be entirely wrong not to mention the drama we have had on the forum this week, so here goes: There has been some drama on the forum this week. Happy Thursday.

Check out these pages! Like, yeah It's just words We will be linking to this page forever A page I found on recent changes while trying to decide what to put in this space From our logs Roman Dog Bird Special: 06:24, August 1, 2008 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 17 years ‎ (I HAET MAHSELF!!!!!) 03:39, May 15, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked Hihyyy (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (i love your teacher too) 21:11, January 26, 2010 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 138.163.128.42 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (No. No I won't give Joe a dollar.) 04:15, February 14, 2010 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 71.79.173.10 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (LOLOL MAN TIMMAAAAYYYY! HEY THEY KILLED KENNY!!! IS IT THE YEAR 2000 ALL OVER AGAIN?!?!?!?!?!) 23:37, August 10, 2010 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked XmabrosX (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Overall, this user is fucking stupid and has no meaning what so ever. Who ever made him is a fucking idiot and deserves to die and go suck a fuck. Now I will make him angry.) 00:29, February 19, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (YEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHH FUCK YOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) 00:18, June 21, 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked Mr. Niceguy (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Do you see my penis? Here, I'll pull it out! LOOK AT IT DANGLE, FAGGOT!) Biopic of the Week As the UnSignpost staff gathered forlornly in my house this week to thrash out the biopic of the week, we were entirely shocked to discover that there was a user patiently awaiting his turn at the biopic. That user is TheHumbucker, who is a very promising user. Why? I hear you say. Well, because TheHumbucker has not only written 5, that's 5 as in the number between 4 and 6, featured articles, but has also done so quietly and without fuss. Splendid. We'd tell you where you can find him normally, but we haven't a clue since this is the first time we have heard of him; he suggests he might be Irish so those of you wishing to find him could try Ireland, or the other end of a rainbow. According to TheHumbucker: "Comedy is serious shit." Clearly he is only here until he remembers his Wikipedia log in. Newsroom UnTune of the week Johnny Feelgood and the Latex Minions LIVE at the Big Corporate Superdome

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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 00:07, 19 May 2011

Pee Review

I peed on your article fruit. There is teh review. Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 05:16, 19 May, 2011 (UTC)

Hey thanks, man! I'll see what I can do in the way of making it longer. Anyway, thanks again! -- 01:02, May 20, 2011 (UTC)

Yeeee

I want to see a magic trick. :| Anything up your sleeve for now?--PoopManPoop 09:41, May 19, 2011 (UTC)

-- 01:18, May 20, 2011 (UTC)

HALL OF SHAME, BABY!

YEAH! -- 01:01, May 20, 2011 (UTC)

*throws a party* 1234 ~ 03:45, 20 May 2011

Shame on you! Yay! You are in a very select group, there are only 114 people anywhere who are members of the Hall of Shame. A club to be proud of! Aleister 3:49-5-'11

Wow! What a great party... that sounds like. Now if you guys would only let me in... -- 03:51, May 20, 2011 (UTC)

Hey

Thanks for the review. The primary subject was supposedly that Stephen Hawking can't tell us any more about our world than religion or Church to be specific. I was going to make edits but was waiting for the Pee Review. Now I will go back to doing just that and working on the central theme and execution of it.Thanks again.--PoopManPoop 11:41, May 20, 2011 (UTC)

Hey man, no problem. It may not have sounded like it, but I do really think it could become a really good article, but it'll take some hard work on your part; are you willing to do the hard work? I sure hope so. -- 14:37, May 20, 2011 (UTC)

Hard work I can do, but knowing what hard work to do is what i'm learning. And yeah i know it has potential but i will have to sacrifice some things and just get down to it for it to work. A farewell magic related quote, " What if I rained down all of the worlds' jewels..uh, on your, uh..bah fuck it I will be in touch.PoopManPoop 15:04, May 20, 2011 (UTC)

Alright man, good luck. As for the hard work, just jump in there and do it. Let me tell you a story, I'm a gymnast, it comes with the territory of being a magician and a clown and all that other shit. I started doing gymnastics when I was very young, because I knew I wanted to be a magician and all. Anyway, when I was... oh... about eleven I learned to do a standing back-flip. Right before I did it for the first time on my own, the coach and all the kids on my team were telling me to just go for it, that if I didn't just go for it I'd never learn how to do it. I can see the same thing happening with you, if you never just jump in there and rewrite your article you'll never do it, and you'll never learn. Anyway, bye. -- 15:39, May 20, 2011 (UTC)

* Roaring and beating his chest with fists..Yes I will rewrite it. Oh..yes. *panting*--PoopManPoop 16:32, May 20, 2011 (UTC)

Er... good. Now, here's a box of tissues; clean up all that jizz. I can't have that kind of stuff lying around my talkpage, I have standards and shit, ya know! -- 03:19, May 21, 2011 (UTC)

A magic man does what a magic man says. Uh, what did you say again? My uncyc pages are fucked so I aint able to do anything on the article. Fuhuck! --PoopManPoop 13:14, May 21, 2011 (UTC)

What's wrong with them? I might be able to help. -- 15:04, May 21, 2011 (UTC)

Now they're ok. Apparently a rendering problem. All sorted out. I am on it. Do you have any magic trick in which you could impregnate someone(M or F) and then de-impregnate them in a matter of few minutes, in a crowd?--PoopManPoop 16:51, May 21, 2011 (UTC)

Can you do another one of my reviews?--PoopManPoop 22:28, May 21, 2011 (UTC)

As for your first question, go here and watch the third trick. As for your second, certainly. Just give me the link. -- 01:32, May 22, 2011 (UTC)

I want this [1] featured. What can be done to make it feature worthy?--PoopManPoop 09:59, May 22, 2011 (UTC)

Well, it usually takes a lot to get something featured. I usually get my articles pee reviewed twice before I nom them for VFH. But remember that while your article's on VFH, you'll need to take people's suggestions and fix the article accordingly. That's how you get the for votes. -- 17:49, May 22, 2011 (UTC)

That's why I am so desperately waiting for your Pee review. I would only submit if the review gives it a good score.PoopManPoop 12:48, May 23, 2011 (UTC)

Well, in that case I might just wait 'till the last second to write it... -- 15:11, May 23, 2011 (UTC)

Please don't do that.I am literally sitting with my arms crosses waiting only for the review of this one. Take you time and shit, but give a feedback keeping VFH in mind.--PoopManPoop 16:38, May 23, 2011 (UTC)

And Happy Birthday man.:)--PoopManPoop 16:43, May 23, 2011 (UTC)

Hey man, I'm joking. I'm in the process of writing it now. -- 16:47, May 23, 2011 (UTC)

Yeah me too. :D--PoopManPoop 16:53, May 23, 2011 (UTC)

..

I have put it up in Pee Review. --PoopManPoop 10:29, May 22, 2011 (UTC)

Okay, I just went and claimed it. -- 11:18, May 22, 2011 (UTC)

Nice. To the gates then. --PoopManPoop 12:04, May 22, 2011 (UTC)

That de impregnating magic trick was better than what I asked for. well, much better.--PoopManPoop 12:11, May 22, 2011 (UTC)

Also, sorry to be cluttering your talk, but I forgot adding 'quick' to it. :)PoopManPoop 16:18, May 22, 2011 (UTC)

My birthday...

It's today. WORSHIP ME!!! -- 17:54, May 22, 2011 (UTC)

Ooh la la..To the drinking hole!..--PoopManPoop 18:37, May 22, 2011 (UTC)

Happy birthday, Magic man

-- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 18:48, 22 May 2011

Nice card! Happy birthday!!!!! Cake and cookies and gifts and smiling donkeys and ice cream for you! Aleister 15:14 Birthday

Yes, thank you very much Lollipop. I will cherish it forever (and the smiling donkeys too!). -- 15:26, May 23, 2011 (UTC)

Yes. The only difference is that Syndrome didn't draw a penis on it. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 16:38, 23 May 2011

Trumperty-trump

Hi magicman, as you were the 1st person to make pictures for an article of mine, and as they were so awesome, I have imprinted on you and you're now my go-to guy for pics (zombie who?).. Anyway I was wondering if you could do me a couple of new ones for an unnews called 'Donald Trump forced to reveal wig receipt'.. it's kind of annoying (for me not America) that he's not running for president anymore but I think the concept is still promising. I need a picture of a tatty looking receipt (from somewhere called wigwam or wigs r us) and a picture of someone 'caught in a spotlight' (preferably against a brick wall), maybe with a red crosshair targeted on them, with the face of Donald Trump superimposed onto whoever it may be. As he's no longer running for presidency, I'll have to work in some reason for him being victimised but it shouldn't be too hard. 23:00, May 23, 2011 (UTC)

Yeah, I'll do it. It may take me a little while, but if that doesn't matter to you I'll do it. -- 23:12, May 23, 2011 (UTC)

that's fine bro, let's hope the idiot stays in the news somehow 23:18, May 23, 2011 (UTC)

Here's the first one:

Hope that'll work. I'll start working on the second ASAP. -- 02:15, May 24, 2011 (UTC)

And here's the other:

Hope you like them. -- 03:24, May 24, 2011 (UTC)

Hey sorry it took a while to get back to you about this. Great images, the receipt is perfect for the article and I might keep the 2nd one for a different one...I just think he looks a bit too happy(?) in the 2nd one for this article...do u think u cd graft his head onto the body of say a celebrity being stalked by papparazzi? maybe with a few flashes going off around him and a slightly grumpier face? Don't worry about the brick wall if u don't want (I forget why I specified that). Again, cheers for both, and I shall definitely be using the 2nd pic just not for this one. I have a cunning plan.. 21:47, May 28, 2011 (UTC)

Is it your... Birthday?

If so, fucking good birthday! I would sing to you, but now my mouth is full of cake. Nhahahahahaha. Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 05:57, 24 May, 2011 (UTC)

It was my birthday on the twenty second. Anyway, thanks! -- 14:25, May 24, 2011 (UTC)

Thank You

Thanks a lot man that really helped. Like really did. Now i know how to make it funnier. after I do all the edits I will run it through you before getting it up on VFH. And as with the article before, Awesome review. And yeah, I abandoned that article a while ago because there's a news on almost the same idea on the front Unnews page, a good one at that. So I'm waiting for that to blow over before I go ahead and restart editing that one. Anyway, thanks a lot man. Hail the magician.

Q. Who did the Pee Review for your latest article PoopManPoop? A. A wizard did it --PoopManPoop 07:13, May 24, 2011 (UTC)

Hey man, no problem; you're very welcome. Like I said, the article has real potential, and I would love to see where you go with it. As for the other one, I can understand what you mean. One time I started writing an article, and as it turned out, someone had already been working on an article of the same name and similar plot in their userspace for a while. So I know how you feel. But I can see that article going places too. Anyway, good luck! -- 14:11, May 24, 2011 (UTC)

I just realised I don't fucking care if anybody has the same idea. Stuff him and transport him to Spain, in a plastic bag for god's sake. I am editing it right now and i will run it through you in a couple of hours. I will make a better one. *Roaring*--PoopManPoop 14:46, May 24, 2011 (UTC)

Er... okay? -- 14:47, May 24, 2011 (UTC)

Yeah check this this out. How do you think it is going?--PoopManPoop 15:12, May 24, 2011 (UTC)

It's looking better. You'll of course have to make it longer. If there's anything I would change it would be the fact that you don't really explain why he took the bone off the toffee wrapper. Maybe you could explain that better? -- 15:35, May 24, 2011 (UTC)

yeah maybe i will just leave it at the bone part, and leave what he did with it to his imagination. btw, i put up the article on VFH with the changes you advised me to make. check it out. PoopManPoop 16:19, May 24, 2011 (UTC)

THANK YOU MAGICIAN!!

Thanks for voting for the article on VFH man and the awesome magic tricks. *blaring drums* --PoopManPoop 20:45, May 24, 2011 (UTC)

Hey man, you're welcome. It's a good article, it deserves to be featured. Now, for my next trick:

-- 21:28, May 24, 2011 (UTC)

Phnerb unsignpost

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Gets Its News Solely From Vandalism Johnny Is Teh FAGXORZ!!111 SHUT UP DOUCHEBAG!!11

May 26th, 2011 • Issue 122 • News? Where we're going we don't need news!

Weekly update By Chief The big news of the week is that Obama has gone to the UK to talk to some people about some important things. However, since we're stuck reporting on whatever you people have posted in the forums this week, we don't get to report on interesting things like that; we don't even have any blatant bias to crudely insert into any and all of our stories. Incidentally, asylum seekers are no help at all. But enough of those profound thoughts - let's talk Uncyclopedia! This week saw the return of Dawg. For those of you don't know, Dawg is an Uncyclopedian from the days of yore when Uncyclopedians sported in Elysium and all the problems lay ahead. Hurrah, welcome back Dawg. Deciding that the mere sight of his signature on talk pages did not send the appropriate spasms of joy to the loins of every active and inactive Uncyclopedian, Dawg decided to deop Lyrithya and ban her for two years, an action guaranteed to stir the loins of even the most miserable Uncyclopedian. Obviously this was an unforgivable abuse of power and the people demand cake; it's better for you than blood, supposedly. Dr. Skullthumper has also embarked on yet another voyage of busy work as his proposal to semi-protect all featured articles forever sailed through the forums on Wednesday. The UnSignpost is one hundred percent behind Dr. Skullthumper in this, his latest foray into "Doing what must be done despite you all," that is until someone decides it was a stupid idea two years from now, in which case Dr. Skullthumper is a twarse and a racist. In other news, Nachlader has sacked everyone due to Uncyclopedia's poor performance in the last fiscal year, and Bacon is made of Pigs and win. Finally, ebil wikia turned off image uploading which, as any school child knows, THEY ACTUALLY CANNOT DO, BY LAW. It was only for a couple of hours and it only really affected people in America, so who cares? Wikia have turned it on again now, so you may recommence uploading horrible images of yourself/your penis/somebody else's penis without fear of being interrupted by completely unnecessary essential maintenance. UnNews By Chief UnNews is in crisis; with SPIKE absent and Zim ulator likely high as a kite somewhere, there can be no doubt that UnNews lacks a leader. Discussions are presently taking place to decide who should fill the entirely fabricated position at the top of UnNews. Obviously voting is the way forwards, since anything decided without a vote is probably secretly designed to bring the site down around our ears. TheHumbucker appears to be the first choice for UnNews leader, indeed the only person who isn't sure he is competent is TheHumbucker. Olipro confesses himself to be unsure about all this voting; speaking privately, Olipro said "Nobody ever voted for me when I was in charge of UnNews, and it didn't not do me no harm or nothing," a sentiment this correspondent shares exactly, we think. All views are appreciated in this discussion, except views that disagree with what we have already decided. While we are on a completely unrelated topic, get some voting done on VFH; this correspondent is entirely dissatisfied with the lackadaisical approach to voting adopted by most of you. It's almost as if you don't climax every single time you do it... everyone does that right?

Check out these pages! OMG! How do I shot web? What's a MediaWiki and how do I make one? Do you de-crat a Bureaucrat? From our logs: 22:19, May 23, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ ("Remove the first two linebreaks from the other thing, too, when you remove this top bit." COULD YOU BE ANY LESS CLEAR?) 18:25, May 19, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 65.91.100.222 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (Dear Sir: I contend that your redaction of the content in that article in favour of the word penis, proves unequivocally that you lick balls.) 02:47, May 20, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked Strico10 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Inserting Vanity: you give me some hope that i'm not the most pathetic person in the world) 22:13, May 22, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Holden Caulfeild (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (breathe in and breathe out hands up and hands down back up back up tell me whatcha gonna do now keep trollin trollin trollin trollin (what?)) 00:36, May 20, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) resurrected Famine (Talk | contribs) ‎ (No reason.) Metal Zombiebaron Zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron Zombiebaron zombiebaron, zombiebaron zombiebaron! Zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron; zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron Zombiebaron zombiebaron, "Zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron," zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron Zombiebaron!!! Zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron, zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron? Newsroom UnTune of the week Screw you Roman Dog Bird

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:13, May 26, 2011 (UTC)

Fruit

You gave it a good try. I just read the page again, trying to see what the main problems are in my strange world. With the pic of the balls opening it my immediate thought was why not rename the page "Low-hanging Fruit" (thus bypassing Funnybony's objection of having a real Fruit article) and have the two voices discuss fruits in relation to low-hanging balls, which they like very much. I like your pics, the uploaded ones (good additions to the wiki!!!!) and didn't know those berries weren't actually considered berries (learning something new every minute). But just changing the focus of the page a little (maybe take a few hours or a couple of days away from it, to quell the juices, heh heh) will do the trick. More later, must sign off nows. Aleister 2:03 26-5-'11

Oh, thank you. Finally someone gets specific with me. I'll see what I can do. Thanks again. -- 02:06, May 26, 2011 (UTC)

Whoever sees this,

go vote for my article here. Thanks. -- 02:43, May 26, 2011 (UTC)

Clever. Verrrrrrrrrrrry clever. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 02:48 May 26, 2011

Thank you, thank you. *Bows* -- 03:50, May 26, 2011 (UTC)

Fruit to Fruits

Hey, Bro! I didn't check to see who was the writer. But its you, dude! You're a great writer. "Fruit" is a real subject, like in Wikipedia, a real subject, and this article doesn't do any justice to the real subject. Therefore it seems not right of you to hog the entire subject with one gay joke. Could THIS be an Unycylopedia article on the subject of fruit? No, of course not. But your gay joke is there, so may I suggest a simple way to fix it? Please? Okay, why not simply rename it "Fruits", perhaps rearrange the first picture and show an apple or something more subtle than balls as the starter picture, maybe an apple with a bite out. Please add a few more gay-fruits jokes to make it longer and have more fun. Then reNom as "FRUITS", with more subtle pics and more jokes. That way you are not wrongly userping the entire subject of Fruit, which is, ah, about fruit - you know! That's just my suggestion and I hope it helps. I really do care. Cheers!--Funnybony    05:11, May 26

That`s good idea. Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 05:13, 26 May, 2011 (UTC)

Oh my god is that a great idea! You're awesome, man. Also, no one's ever called me a great writer before, so thanks for that and all the other advice. I'll go do that. -- 15:20, May 26, 2011 (UTC)

Yes you are. And uh yeah, I second Funnybony. It's not really about..fruit, you know. -- -> That's Poop Man Poop 15:36, May 26, 2011 (UTC)

Yeah... -- 15:51, May 26, 2011 (UTC)

:) BTW the evidence disposing video was awesome..-- -> That's Poop Man Poop 21:26, May 26, 2011 (UTC)

I know. Those guys are great. In case you were wondering, neither of those guys (Barry and Stuart) were me, but man do I wish... -- 21:31, May 26, 2011 (UTC)

Yeah me too. But you know what they say, a plastic surgery a day keeps these kinda worries away.-- -> That's Poop Man Poop 21:44, May 26, 2011 (UTC)

Yeah, but than I wouldn't be them, I'd just look like them. -- 21:49, May 26, 2011 (UTC)

Nice feedback. Maybe you can still use the term "low-hanging fruit" in the caption to the balls pic. And I've got an article on...dare I say it?...no, never mind. I'll go about my business now. Al 23:03 26-5-'11

Okay, I'm done rewriting it now, and I made sure that I used the term "low-hanging fruit". Go take a look. -- 01:01, May 27, 2011 (UTC)

Hey, bro, time for some more magic. At the onset you speak of your friend so better start with a picture of two fruits, side by side. Then introduce each fruit as one of your friends (with differing qualities). And please don't double space the text links. Perhaps a darker pink. And remember to list every possible exotic fruit with associated actual knowledge of the real fruit but giving a gay context to its texture, taste and how it is eaten. Fruits like Mango, Jack Fruit (oi!), Custard Apple, Passion Fruit, Grapes, Duriun, and not to forget Cum-quat. Some fruits are sucked, some are licked, etc., tell about how they are taken. If you single space it, darken the color, and compare each fruit with your friends and their qualities, then it will force a more complete and longer article. Please look up "exotic fruits", get the list, and have a ball making comparisons. You might even want to rename the article as "Exotic Fruits" (hehe). Also I think actually showing a human in any of the pictures spoils the joke, better just show pictures of all exotic fruits; and you could also be a talking fruit (of some sort, like Jack Fruit) who is author of this article on fruit friends. Let me know if I can help any more. I'm glad to. Cheers!--Funnybony    06:09, May 27

I'm sorry, but I don't completely understand. I know, I'm an idiot, but will you please try to explain for me? Thanks. -- 04:12, May 28, 2011 (UTC)

Innuendo? 1234 ~ 07:31, 28 May 2011

Fruits

I must say in its current form I seem to get it, and it is clever. I am still a bit hung up on dialog qua dialog, but that may just be my own deal. It's shaped up into almost a "men on film" type of presentation. I am not sure I got that before. I instantly see the concept as is. --K evillips эвилипс MUN,CM,NS,3of7 22:47, May 26, 2011 (UTC)

Thanks, man! Why don't you go take a look at it now? It's a whole lot better. -- 00:54, May 27, 2011 (UTC)

my name is fat roger and i am going to die soon of diabetes

goodbye forever FatRoger 21:48, May 28, 2011 (UTC)

Hmm... if that is true I'm very sorry. But I get the felling it isn't... *Shifty eyes* -- 21:49, May 28, 2011 (UTC)

The UnSignpost: Best before Friday!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

You'd be crazy not to listen!

June 2nd, 2011 • Issue 123 • The only periodical that calls you back!

Logo Pogo, what's our Vector Victor? By Chief Those of you who aren't still reeling from the ingenuity and wit contained in the title for this story are just the kind of humour-hating Nazis who are killing this place, one "witty" article at a time, who will, naturally, have noticed that the logo has undergone a design change. This change came after several of our power hungry administrators noticed the shadowing on the old logo. Not noticed the shadowing on the old logo yet? Well head straight to the image page and look at the shadowing on the old logo. We here at the UnSignpost are utterly gobsmacked that we lived and indeed loved alongside such shoddy work, just look at the shadowing! The more you look the angrier you become; it's incredible, just what the hell was Rcmurphy thinking when he created the shadowing on the old logo!? Of course this is all untrue, the old logo is basically fine but the new one suggests that we aren't all the ten-thumbed Orangutans that <insert name here> is and that we might know something about cricket and opera. In other words, its beauty and three dimensions hide the depressing truth and, according to Dr. Skullthumper, will probably cure AIDS and bring peace to the Middle-East as well. The creator of the brand new logo is none other than Lyrithya, who wasn't available for comment at the time of going to press, but would probably would want to say something about how she owes everything to ChiefjusticeDS. A quick scan of the forum reveals only one forum topic about the new logo, making it about ten times more popular than Wikia and Jesus combined. The other interesting development is also the development of some kind of new skin for the wiki which is presently being flaunted on a forum and on your gadgets page where you can tick a box to experience it for yourself, just like voting really. This is once again courtesy of Lyrithya, someone who just doesn't take "Meh" for an answer. The general opinion of the community regarding these changes is difficult to gauge, especially if you don't read any of the forum topics. Speaking anonymously, Mhaille expressed doubts about Vector, stating that the changes were "Only skin deep," but said that any discussion over which was better was "Just plain racist". Rank admins! By Chief Those of you who have heard of Rate Your Admins (or RYA if you wear sunglasses inside) need not read this story; simply scroll back to the top, read the right hand column and ask again just how does that sexy admin do it. Which segues us neatly onto the thrust of this story: Frosty has revived the original RYA, a system by which users would give the active admins a score out of ten on various categories and then the admins would have a reason to get up the next day. The new system is very similar to the old one, exactly the same, some would say, and all it needs is your contribution. The UnSignpost spoke to Sockpuppet of an unregistered user about RYA and he said "I once killed a man," but don't let that put you off; he's actually really well-adjusted. Voting couldn't be simpler. You just go to the page of the relevant admin and then you click edit (with us so far?) then you put zero in every box and press save. Don't worry; the chances of them knowing where you live are extremely remote so it's literally consequence-free, almost.

Check out these pages! Slut! Blog! Words! Numbers! Zombiebaron! From our logs: 23:49, May 31, 2011, Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked 67.232.79.251 (Talk) with an expiry time of 6 months (it takes a certain talent to write that much about someone who apparently sucks so badly) 12:38, May 26, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 91.201.66.76 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (I'd ask you to cease all twattery but then you'd have nothing to do all day.) 03:15, May 30, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked Frosty (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a gomphog ‎ (Stealing Gomphog's subpages. Reportedly.) 07:12, May 30, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked Tayythunder (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Blanker: Being racist against templates...) 15:21, May 27, 2011 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked 64.107.188.2 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 hour ‎ (Take a break and read HTBFANJS Just calling everyone gay is... Gay? Be more creative eh?) 13:43, June 1, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) resurrected Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) ‎ (Being Zombiebaron a little bit too much) Biopic of the Week Now I don't know about you, but Cat the Colourful is a name I have seen quite a lot, but in the same way I see grass quite a lot. What I mean by this is that he/she/it is always there, pottering away in the background. While everyone else fights and brawls over the correct font for the main page, Cat the Colourful is there voting on an article, making thoughtful additions to an article, uploading pictures of rabbits killing themselves and generally being helpful. This is the part of the biopic where I normally complain about the users annoying habits, and this week is no exception; you know what I really hate about Cat the Colourful? It's his signature, there's a picture in it and colours. A stupid username about being a colourful cat with colours in it? His signature should be black, that would be funny because it isn't colourful at all! No? Well con-cat-ulations Cat the Colourful... I'M WITTY DAMMIT! From the Editor Every week we receive literally no feedback on the UnSignpost. But last week Lollipop complained that we had not covered all the big news of the week. So, in order to please him and his imaginary friend Alex, Tom Mayfair and MrN9000 have also made edits to the wiki after not doing so for a while. I hope that satisfies Lollipop in the way a woman never will... for free at least.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:10, June 2, 2011 (UTC)

I'm awarding myself an UN:REQ award.

And no one can stop me.

This user created Uncyclopedia:What VFD is not, an article originally requested on Uncyclopedia:Requested articles. You're welcome!

Suck on that, bitches! -- 01:53, June 3, 2011 (UTC)

You just think you can get away with anything on your talk page, don't you. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 01:55 Jun 03, 2011

FAIL. Even i'm not that stupid. -- >> Hello, my name is Sir Lollipop, and I am Canadian! 01:58, 3 June 2011

Well... you must understand I'm drunk, so my judgement is clouded. The only reason this message doesn't have a million typos is because my computer has a spell and grammar checker. -- 02:08, June 3, 2011 (UTC)

I assume you're not the only one drunk. The admins are playing Ban Tag. -- >> Hello, my name is Sir Lollipop, and I am Canadian! 02:17, 3 June 2011

Let's play real tag! Just you and me! Tag! You're it! -- 02:23, June 3, 2011 (UTC)

Ugh... *Chases Magic man* -- >> Hello, my name is Sir Lollipop, and I am Canadian! 02:32, 3 June 2011

*Trips and falls into wood chipper* -- 02:44, June 3, 2011 (UTC)

..*Takes multiple pictures of Magic man falling into a wood chipper*. -- >> Hello, my name is Sir Lollipop, and I am Canadian! 02:46, 3 June 2011

*Pulls Lollipop's camera in with me* -- 02:53, June 3, 2011 (UTC)

Magic man indeed

Thanks, man! -- 02:38, June 3, 2011 (UTC)

Never mind me, I'm just resting for a moment

Yeah, hi. Whew! This thing is heavy. Mind if I rest here for a few minutes before starting up again? Thanks. Let me catch my breath. How've you been? Good! Glad to hear it. Hey, thanks for the offer of soda and pizza, but nah, I really should get this thing moving. "Catch ya later, alligator", as mum used to say before the alligator ate her. Well, back on the road. Aleister 3-6-'11

I meant to vote against, I really did, I just never got around to it. -- 02:35, June 4, 2011 (UTC)

What? I didn't hear you, too much noise in here of templates moving around. Like a warehouse full of crickets all seeking mates. You said you "Mint two float August, eye eelily dude, eye huffed Trevor snot aground thru Mitt"? Some kind of foreign language? It's hard to make out the words. Al 11:20 4-6-'11

I poked a skunk once. It was like heaven in a jar.

You can have your fun, feel free to wave that template around in my face as much as you want, it was better, I will give you that. But anyway, I really was going to vote against, I was in the middle of voting against, in fact. But someone called me on the phone and my window got closed somehow, so I just never did it. Even if I had voted against, it would've been featured anyway. -- 13:08, June 4, 2011 (UTC)

OK, I had my fun, and I thought it was a running joke between us. I'd bring up the page once in awhile, and you'd shoot it down, etc. Anyway, I did work on it with you in mind, and improved it enough I was hoping it would pass your vote. I take criticism seriously., and welcome it when it's either honest or fun. I thought it had enough changes and improvements to nom again, that also with you in mind. I take running jokes seriously, so by that you helped improve it greatly. Thanks! /leaves cart here and runs away with template in a cab Aleister 18:07 4-6-'11

It is a running joke between us. But to be honest, it would've been a weak against. The only things that were wrong with it, in my opinion is the fact that the first half is written like a Wikipedia article, but the second half is a story about someone falling in love with a skunk. Also, the idea of raping small woodland animals makes me cringe more than laugh. -- 18:29, June 4, 2011 (UTC)

It is kind of creepy to rape woodland animals. Got a point there for sure. But she probably escapes at the end, so at least she's free again. When the guy starts writing the page he is in love with a skunk but thinks he is busy writing an encylopeic article in honour of her. He then finds that he can't describe a skunk's looks without gushing and then telling about his love. He tells his story, and then tries to get back to the encyclopedic story in the last two sections, but fails again when she runs away. That's the "structure" of the page. Not greatly funny, but maybe stretches the envolope enough so it balances-out a little that way. I'm glad we didn't analyze it earlier, as I may have pulled back on the concept and this way it played out without me hesitating about it. Aleister 19:09 4-6-'11

Hmm... I see... Well if that is the concept than it's not that obvious, to me at least. Anyway, congratulations on the feature. -- 19:17, June 4, 2011 (UTC)

Thanks. Maybe we be done with this page now, and since the Skunk escaped, all's well that ends dull. (unsigned edit by a low-down critter seeking lonely badgers now)

Thanks

Later. Thanks for letting me rest my burden on your page for a few minutes. Aleister 19:07 3-6-'11

No problem. -- 02:36, June 4, 2011 (UTC)

Congratulations!

With 497 plusses, you have reached the coveted rank of Grue Army High General. You can now sit back and force other members to do the work for you. 1 last thing: You also have no life to get this far. Cheers! --Revolutionary, Anti-Bensonist, and TYATU Boss Uncyclopedian Meganew (Chat) (Care for a peek at my work?) (SUCK IT, FROGGY!) 21:20, June 4, 2011 (UTC)

Wow! Thanks! Now I'm off, to have no life! -- 21:38, June 4, 2011 (UTC)

What about me? Aren't I any good? -- >> Hello, my name is Sir Lollipop, and I am Canadian! 21:40, 4 June 2011

You're a champ. -- 15:56, June 6, 2011 (UTC)

Pee Review

Isn't it coincidental how the title "Pee Review" is a bad pun itself?--User:CandidToaster/sig 00:40, June 5, 2011 (UTC)

Hey, thanks, man! I'll start working on it now. -- 02:48, June 5, 2011 (UTC)

Image of the Year

Hey Magic Maaaaaaaaaaaaaan. Do you think you could make some badges for the winners of the "Unimage of the Year 2010" competition. I need a 1st, 2nd and 3rd badge :) Let me know if you can. Cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeers --ShabiDOO 02:45, June 5, 2011 (UTC)

Yeah, I'll do it. -- 02:47, June 5, 2011 (UTC)

HURAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!!!! Magic man! Magic man! Rah rah rah! Wuff wuff wuff! --ShabiDOO 03:34, June 5, 2011 (UTC)

^^Lol-- -> That's Poop Man Poop 01:51, June 7, 2011 (UTC)

Oh sorry!

My apologies I was going back to correct it when I saw em already corrected..Thanks for keeping my back..or just keeping the page clean..or whatever..Magic trick please!-- -> That's Poop Man Poop 01:44, June 7, 2011 (UTC)

Oh, no need to apologize! You didn't know. But thank you for realizing your mistake and going back to try to correct it. Anyway, cheers! -- 01:47, June 7, 2011 (UTC)

D Yeah I actually corrected one too..but left the two hyphens which you had to clean up..So not really. :D Whats up Magic Man why so serious?-- -> That's Poop Man Poop 01:52, June 7, 2011 (UTC)

Nothing's up with me. I'm just listening to Elton John's version of Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds.

Awesome, isn't it?

I'm also getting ready to get on IRC, re-nom Visual puns for pee-review and crop this image. What about you? -- 02:04, June 7, 2011 (UTC)

I Approve

The changes you made to Visual Puns are great. It made a lot more sense to change the title, and the added visual puns were great. The "history of visual puns" picture was especially funny. I think it's a lot funnier now, though, I'd like to give you a bit of advice.

Advi

--User:CandidToaster/sig 04:18, June 7, 2011 (UTC)

Ha! A bit of advice! That's great, man. Thanks for all your help and compliments on this article. I'll see what I can do in the way of adding pictures. Thanks again. -- 14:08, June 7, 2011 (UTC)

Nom

Thanks for the nom, it's an honor just to be nominated. --K evillips эвилипс MUN,CM,NS,3of7 17:09, June 8, 2011 (UTC)

You're welcome. You deserve it, man. -- 17:10, June 8, 2011 (UTC)

So is there any campaign spending limits in place, or guidelines about yard sign placement near polling places, I need to be aware of? --K evillips эвилипс MUN,CM,NS,3of7 18:44, June 8, 2011 (UTC)

Aren't you a magician? Can you not divine it for yourself? 1234 ~ 03:44, 9 June 2011

It's always polite to inquire. --K evillips эвилипс MUN,CM,NS,3of7 04:23, June 9, 2011 (UTC)

The spending limit is somewhere between fifty and seventy-five cents, and you cant place yard signs within forty-five thousand miles of a polling place. -- 05:09, June 9, 2011 (UTC)

My bad, the PAC already spent $0.78 on yard signs, now to get them to the asteroid belt on negative 4 cents. --K evillips эвилипс MUN,CM,NS,3of7 05:22, June 9, 2011 (UTC)

Magic might do it. 1234 ~ 23:11, 9 June 2011

When you say "Magic might do it." Do you mean Magic as in me? Or actual magic? Because I can't be bothered. -- 02:26, June 10, 2011 (UTC)

Perhaps a wizard can do it. Oh...oh, looks like he already did. -- >> Hello, my name is Sir Lollipop, and I am Canadian! 02:28, 10 June 2011

Why did you say "Oh" twice? Makes me think of that song... OH OH OH IT'S MAGIC! YA KNOOOOOW! NEVER BELIEVE IT'S NOT SO! IT'S MAGIC! YA KNOOOOOW! NEVER BELIEVE IT'S NOT SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

-- 16:15, June 10, 2011 (UTC)

Oh oh oh woke up today feeling the way I always do... -- >> Hello, my name is Sir Lollipop, and I am Canadian! 19:49, 10 June 2011

Oh god no... -- 02:28, June 11, 2011 (UTC)

If anyone says "Oh" again,i'll add a </div> to this page to take away its redness. -- >> Hello, my name is Sir Lollipop, and I am Canadian! 02:30, 11 June 2011

Oh don't do that. -- 02:34, June 11, 2011 (UTC)

</div>

Oh, don't worry, the only redness you'll have is from my sig. -- >> Hello, my name is Sir Lollipop, and I am Canadian! 02:37, 11 June 2011

Oh darn. You put a </div> tag on my talk page. It's not like I can edit it out or anything. -- 02:41, June 11, 2011 (UTC)

That is sadly not the worst I can do. -- >> Hello, my name is Sir Lollipop, and I am Canadian! 02:43, 11 June 2011

{{Archive}}

You seem to keep forgetting that I have the power to edit. -- 02:48, June 11, 2011 (UTC)

</div>

That time it took you longer to edit. But now I have a harder task for you. -- >> Hello, my name is Sir Lollipop, and I am Canadian! 03:24, 11 June 2011

{{Archive}}

</div>

I can do this all night, baby. -- 03:27, June 11, 2011 (UTC)

It dosen't work with you. It only works with someone who's talkpage is at the brink of archiving. Why by chance is not me. -- >> Hello, my name is Sir Lollipop, and I am Canadian! 03:29, 11 June 2011

Yes, now stop uglying up my talkpage, goddammit! -- 03:32, June 11, 2011 (UTC)

Ha ha ha! I just changed my sig back to purple, so now you have less red! Moohahaha! -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 21:03, 11 June 2011

Well I had Europe send a comet chaser rocket to place a yard sign on that comet, but the vote will probably be over by then. I had the Little Prince endorse me on his tiny pluton. How var away is the moon, can I get Barbara Bain to endorse me on Space 1999? --K evillips эвилипс MUN,CM,NS,3of7 00:42, June 12, 2011 (UTC)

Hurrah, it's the UnSignpost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Only Newspaper That Is Not Controlled By The Cabal Who Are You What Are You Doi- AAAAHHHHH

June 9th, 2011 • Issue 124 • The only periodical that remains aerodynamic at high speeds!

It's serious business By Chief To celebrate the creation of a new ignorable policy, the UnSignpost is covering all the srs biz that has taken place on Uncyclopedia this week. Once again, Lyrithya and her unending quest to "improve" the wiki takes the top story; not content with replacing the potato logo originally created by Rcmurphy, she has created a forum (yes another one) in which she displays the new logos she has created, all wonderful and three dimensional. Dr. Skullthumper appears to have been so entranced by the the shadowing on these new logos that he is currently proposing that we allow Lyrithya to do whatever she wants, then we can only assume it will begin to rain marshmallows and then Jesus will return so that he may bless the new logos in person. Everyone loves the new logos except for Lollipop, whose home-grown logo offerings have been snubbed... one of these days he will probably buy a gun and then kill every single one of us. The Ministry of Love has a new topic on it. This is news in its own right, but it would be just plain lazy for us not to tell you what it was. In other news, Sycamore has called for all Real Nigga's to report to the Village Dump. Sycamore, who was born and raised in West Philadelphia, was unable to justify this course of action as he had one little fight and has been forced to go and live with his Aunt and Uncle in Bel Air. The UnSignpost is sure that hilarity is certain to ensue and predicts that Sycamore may well be writing horrendously bad rap music in as little as three years time. Finally it seems that the in-fighting, backstabbing and constant evil that emanates from all the current admins (with the possible exception of Modusoperandi) has not discouraged users from wanting to be just like them. The UnSignpost wonders why anybody would ever aspire to be part of a group that not only has Olipro in it but also boasts a whole one and a half women and she is maladjusted. The crippling deficiencies of Uncyclopedia's admin group haven't stopped Joe9320 from asking to be one; on being asked why he wants to be an admin, he cited no reason at all. He just does and, apparently, so should you. Also, Magic man wanted to be in the UnSignpost this week, so he is. VFS/B By Chief When Uncyclopedians aren't looking at depraved Horse porn or voting on articles referencing Horse porn, they are to be found gazing in wonder at VFS to see just what those barmy administrators have come up with next. Well, sort of. Currently VFS is not given over to the process of sandwich voting, but to a vote on whether to hold nominations for a preliminary round of voting for the people to administer the results of further voting, but only if there has been a vote first. In short, the admins are deciding whether or not to have some more bureaucrats. Since all of you have read Jimbo Wales fantastic works: "The Pricing of Index Options When the Underlying Assets All Follow a Lognormal Diffusion" and "Me and my ample piles. Of Money" you all know the ins and outs of the role, but we will remind you anyway. Bureaucrats give out user rights; if Uncyclopedia was a city the users would be the citizens, the vandals would be the criminals, the administrators would be the Police and Bureaucrats would be the people who send Police officers annoying notes about filling in forms and the importance of chilling their packed lunches. Currently the vote is plus four in favour so it looks like voting on sandwiches will be suspended for another month, a tragedy which two months ago seemed a very remote possibility. We would urge you to vote but you all know the form by now, just remember that Bureaucrats tend to go... missing. We sat down with absentee Bureaucrat and hilarious moustache owner Mhaille to get his opinion of the vote: "If you master the 5 D's no amount of balls on Earth can hit you" Mhaille responded before beating our reporter savagely with a sack of wrenches, so there is some definite food for thought there. Cross your legs folks, it looks like there will be another vote coming to your computer screens very soon.

Check out these pages! Piffle! Wiffle! Wibble! Pibble! Piffle Wiffle! From our logs: 20:33, June 5, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 67.180.53.111 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (You may fire when ready..... /robot voice/ commence primary ignition...... WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH) 02:04, June 3, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) resurrected #59221 ‎ (HOW COME NO ONE EVER UNCHECKS THIS BOX ANYMORE) 02:05, June 3, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 second ‎ (because you havent been banned yet somehow. i hope this happens RIGHT AS YOU PRESS THE SUBMIT EDIT BUTTON) 02:06, June 7, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked Sickmyduck1 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ ([insert joke here about lacking penis size]) 11:20, June 7, 2011 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked 194.80.21.164 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 days ‎ (You seem to be unable to recognise that the repeated deletion of your articles means they're crap and we don't want them. Perhaps this ban will help?) 11:29, June 4, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 173.208.51.136 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (BUY SOME SPAM!! CUT PRICE SPAM! LEARN HOW WEIRDO MAKES NO MONEY AND LOSES HIS FRIENDS FROM HOME!!! BEST OFFAR EVAR!) 21:47, June 3, 2011 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked 201.229.215.186 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 days ‎ (EminemEminemEminemEminem) Biopic of the Week Well, nobody was looking forward to being biopiced in the UnSignpost than Lollipop. Lollipop came to Uncyclopedia in 2010 under the guise of Maniac Mcpee, whose very first article was deleted. Lollipop reacted as all of us would have done and created a hate page to explain just how much he hated the offending administrator; this page was then taken, completely rewritten and went on to become a featured article. Lollipop has not shut up about it since. As much of a blessing as a curse, Lollipop has hurricaned his way around the wiki, alternately thrilling and irritating administrators and users alike, but do you know what makes us want to biopic him? It's not the cash he gave us, though that certainly greased the wheel, no, it's his enthusiasm; you just can't demoralise him. Every time you turn around he's there being derided on a talk page or forum and then the next day he's back with something else. He just won't quit! So well done, Lollipop, you're the guy we all love to hate to love. Thought for the week On Uncyclopedia at a glance why do we have a stat for "Pictures of boobies" but not one for "Pictures of Cake"? Think about it (That's sort of the point) Newsroom UnTune of the week Still Alive (Bin Laden 2011 Cover)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:13, June 9, 2011 (UTC)

any chance of

a slightly more shocked looking Donald Trump pic? I did mention it above but maybe you missed it.. either that or you're ENRAGED at my temerity to ask for a new one :D 21:01, June 11, 2011 (UTC)

Sorry, it's not very good. -- 23:35, June 11, 2011 (UTC)

ahahhahah No but it's hilarious, I think I mentioned (if you scroll up) that the brick wall was irrelevant and I don't know why I asked for it in the first place. I may have to base an entire article around this image though because it's so fucking funny. 16:48, June 14, 2011 (UTC)

This is my magic theme --K evillips эвилипс MUN,CM,NS,3of7 00:44, June 12, 2011 (UTC)

this is fucking hilarious, it looks like an emaciated kevin bacon tripping on acid in a mental home. I don't encounter enough videos that make me say 'what the faaaack?' 16:54, June 14, 2011 (UTC)

So were the 80's conceopt videos. The Cars' videos were all pretty weird and their front man Ric Ocasic was funny enough to look at.--K evillips эвилипс MUN,CM,NS,3of7 17:57, June 14, 2011 (UTC)

VFH

There's only one thing I want to say.

</div>

</div> -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 02:28, 12 June 2011

Look, please don't get angry. Take it as a compliment that I want to help you with your article. I'm not saying it'll never be ready, I'm just saying not until you make some changes. -- 02:40, June 12, 2011 (UTC)

</div>

I wasn't the one that nommed it for VFH. And I uploaded three pictures for the article, only one is there. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 02:52, 12 June 2011

Why not add the others? -- 03:36, June 12, 2011 (UTC)

Self noms only work if you get a pee review. Can you review them? -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 03:37, 12 June 2011

That article? -- 03:38, June 12, 2011 (UTC)

Which one? Which one? -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 03:42, 12 June 2011

Oooooooooooooh! When I said "Why not add the others?" I was referring to adding the other images to the article, not noming all your articles for VFH. Sorry, miscommunication. -- 05:14, June 12, 2011 (UTC)

Inbox

Want to help with that one? We'd love to have you. I've put some ideas on the talkpage. Lyrithya has agreed to do the formatting! --Black Flamingo 19:46, June 14, 2011 (UTC)

Yes. I'd love to help. Thanks. -- 23:29, June 16, 2011 (UTC)

UnSignpost Activate!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper that won't leave you the same way they did!

June 16th, 2011 • Issue 125 • Adopt a mad Bear today... please, they're closing in.

CURSE YOU! By Chief It's time for the mid-month, mid-week, midnight round-up of Uncyclopedia, named this week for the mutual love and admiration currently flying back and forth on the Village Dump. The big news this week is that VFC has opened for voting, with almost every active administrator being nominated along with <insert name here>. After a whole day of voting, Zombiebaron has taken a commanding lead, racking up 14 votes, with Thekillerfroggy and Modusoperandi sitting in second and third. Our correspondent described the scenes on the page as "Sickening" as the leaders compete to see who can be the most dashing chap and concede victory to his fellows in the noblest manner possible. The UnSignpost was able to talk to Zombiebaron about the race: "Zombiebaron," he stated confidently on being asked whom he thought would prevail; on being asked who he would like to see stripped naked, smeared with Jam and fed to killer ants, he responded "Zombiebaron," and when pressed as to why he conceded that the matter was indeed "Zombiebaron". Moving on from the sickening gayery taking place on VFC, the village dump brings us the conflict and hatred that made Uncyclopedia as doomed as it is today. First PuppyOnTheRadio suggested that admins should not protect forum pages while discussion was taking place, in return the administrative body suggested that PuppyOnTheRadio should probably put some clothes on before going outside. Elsewhere on the dump, Dr. Skullthumper is doing his best to keep himself in pointless busy-work by proposing that we recategorise everything into a set of new categories within a new namespace which in turn will be within a new namespace. The practical upshot being that Dr. Skullthumper has a reason to haul himself out of bed every morning, a truly noble goal; this entire wiki having being founded around a very similar aim. Finally it seems that the Worst 100 Reflections on 2011 list has ground to a halt and has become Roman Dog Bird's very own personal playground and, as amusing as it is to watch him make entries about his bowel movements, his friends bowel movements, and bumsex, there aren't that many reflections on 2011. Since we passed the halfway point of the year a few weeks ago it was with some dismay that we discovered that we are still 66 reflections away from completing the task before the annual Cabal broadcast at the end of the year. This is a large crisis. Everybody should spend at least 10 minutes of the coming week running frantically around their house panicking about the impending crisis and the consequences of such a large crisis. Someone should also add new reflections to the list, but not before completing the requisite ten minutes of panic. Skully's formspring declared "national pastime of Uncyclopedia" By Dr. Skullthumper In a bizarre twist of social networking, local user Dr. Skullthumper has created an account on the popular website formspring.me. Almost immediately the famed Uncyclopedia administrator was bombarded with questions about his sexuality, his sister, and propositions of considerable indecency. So amusing were his answers that for several hours wiki contributors ceased editing altogether to think up more clever questions to ask him. "I was looking for a place to gloat about my ban," says Equivamp, a self-proclaimed sufferer of Erectile Dysfunction. "But I was too scared to come on IRC. That's where all the rapes happen. Luckily I found one of the dozens of links to this guy's formspring that everyone's been talking about. Finally, a place to insult Uncyclopedia safely!" But even such a positive story as this brings humanity's dark side to light once more. Kip the Dip has revealed himself to be one of the most prejudiced users in Uncyclopedian history, believing the entire website to be constructed for his people alone. Several anonymous users have taken to slandering the almighty goddess Lyrithya, who continues to shower us with holy goods such as proper bloody code and images that don't look like they were shat out of MS Paint. And as for Skully, the sheer amount of time he has spent answering questions has forced him to forgo sleep for several nights in a row now. Despite these setbacks, Skully says he will "continue to do what must be done", and "hurrrrrrrrrrrrrghCOFFEE".

Check out these pages! Useful! Confusing! Modusoperandi! Ratings! From our logs: 05:38, June 15, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked Meepsheep made this account to upload goatse (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Clever! Verrrry clever. And foolish! Now you're at my mercy. And I don't have any. You're at my NOTHING) 04:39, June 13, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked 210.236.184.66 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (If you like graffiti so much why don't you buy some spraypaint and draw a giant cock on your front door) 08:41, June 14, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 year ‎ (The cabal wishes it: It does honest, I was at the last meeting and we talked about this while the tea was going round) 18:28, June 11, 2011 Olipro (Talk | contribs) blocked 67.158.24.53 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (we are a humour site, we are not concerned with the truth) 01:18, June 13, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked 99.68.16.64 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (I know what you dream about at night.) 20:57, June 14, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 173.208.56.140 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (uuuuuuuuggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh) Biopic of the Week As the UnSignpost staff gathered in the Theatre of Dreams next to the local Bingo hall, it came to our attention that the biopic has been doing rather well recently. It has actually covered actual users who are actually editing the wiki or who have actually edited the wiki at some point in the past. In fact we decided that we had done such a good job that the biopic this week would be all about what a splendid job we made of the biopics for the last few weeks. I mean, there you all were reading the UnSignpost and pairing your socks when BLAM! There was the biopic and it fed you when you had no food, it clothed you when you were wearing parachute pants and it didn't judge you the same way everyone else does. The biopics from the last few weeks have contained less than two grams of saturated fat and cost you nothing, in fact they gave you the gift of laughter which, according to intellectuals, is the greatest gift of all; frankly you ought to be paying us. This biopic even comes with a picture of a traffic cone! It's so stripy and orange and stuff... By the power of Greyskull! You shall not best me Skeletor! So there. Newsroom UnTune of the week Ur So Phat and you don't even like food

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:11, June 16, 2011 (UTC)

If you put a tag on a review or otherwise promise to review it, please only do so when you start the review.

Now, computer trouble is one thing, and it happens to the best of us, but that happened after you forgot to review the article the first time you said you'd review it and then again said you'd do it. So please, if you say you're going to do a review, do it, and do it then. If something comes up and you can't, just cancel it, don't keep stringing the person who requested it along with further promises that prove just as empty. It's really not very nice to the other fellow.

If this happens again, I may just ban you. 1234 ~ 04:44, 17 June 2011

Yes. If I were you I would've just banned me this time. But thank you for having some leniency on this occasion. This really isn't the kind of thing I should be doing as a member of peeing and all. I apologize, and it won't happen again. -- 13:26, June 17, 2011 (UTC)

Hey man...thats a pretty minimal apooogy. Yoou havent said what you will do for pentance. Im thinking something big. I have something fair but diabolical in mind. ShabiDOO 03:52, June 20, 2011 (UTC)

Well after writing that I went and wrote the review. But if you'd like I'll also jump in a bucket full of ice water naked. -- 03:56, June 20, 2011 (UTC)

It's a thank you template with red letters, right?

You might not get in Heaven like I said but you will have some virtual tits and beer as a reward for voting for my article. Enjoy. --Mimo&maxus 09:35, June 19, 2011 (UTC)

Hey, man, no problem. It always deserved to be featured. It's a shame it was featured the first time, though. Anyway, congrats! -- 17:14, June 19, 2011 (UTC)

Your features

An Uncy admin casually banning vandal IPs.

]]

Ah-HA!! So you're the one who wrote that UnNews that got 1st place in May and prevented my glorious article, Heaven's Gate, to take the top spot! I shall remember you! Mattsnow 16:25, June 19, 2011 (UTC) PS Lol, your article was very good, I read it after you won!

Hey, thanks, man. I'm glad you liked my article. I read Heaven's Gate, I loved it. Anyway, congrats on the second spot, that's better than I did with my first feature (check it's VFH entry. It only just had enough to get featured, with all the against votes). I'll remember you, too. -- 17:12, June 19, 2011 (UTC)

I've got one right now on VFH, I think that is one of the best thing I wrote so far: UnNews:Boston wins Stanley Cup while sore losers destroy their city. You really hit it home with UnNews:Old people more likely to die, study shows. Sometimes, the stars align in great ways, while other times, you just stare at the PC screen like a vegetable XD Mattsnow 17:46, June 19, 2011 (UTC)

I'll go look at it. -- 18:35, June 19, 2011 (UTC)

Hahaha!!! I've just read UnBooks:Let's take a walk in the city!! It's pretty awesome! It reminds me of an article by Mimo about his homework being late. I would have voted for it, it is very good and original. The voting took place over a month lol. But you got to admit, after you get one feature, you realize afterwards that it's kind of unsignificant: I mean, who remembers what was featured a week ago? Later! Mattsnow 02:40, June 20, 2011 (UTC)

HowTo:Get your candy back off that baby was featured a week ago (but I only know that because I looked). And you're right, it really is insignificant. In all honesty, before I got my first feature, I wrote to get a feature. Now I just do it for the love of writing (and I really do love writing). -- 02:44, June 20, 2011 (UTC)

I read it, I liked it a lot, I voted for. You're right about that bro. Mattsnow 02:51, June 20, 2011 (UTC)

Well thanks. By the way, great gif. -- 03:24, June 20, 2011 (UTC)

I just realized...

I've wasted a year of my life on Uncyclopedia as of yesterday. Congratulations, guys; that's a year I'll never get back. -- 23:42, June 21, 2011 (UTC)

It's your UnBirthday!

A very merry unbirthday to you, to you

A very merry unbirthday to you, to you

It's great to drink to someone

And I guess that you will do

A very merry unbirthday to you

A very merry unbirthday to us, to us

A very merry unbirthday to us

If there are no objections

Let it be unanimous

A very merry unbirthday to us

A very merry unbirthday to me (to who)

A very merry unbirthday to me (to you)

Let's all congratulate me

With a present I agree

A very merry unbirthday to me

A very merry unbirthday to all, to all

A very merry unbirthday to all, to all

Let's have a celebration

Hire a band and rent a hall

A very merry unbirthday

A very merry unbirthday

A very merry unbirthday to all! -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 23:51, 21 June 2011

Lovely... -- 23:57, June 21, 2011 (UTC)

Want some Lollicake? Or as Shabidoo calls it, Lolicake. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 00:02, 22 June 2011

Dear Magic man. I cannot even begin to express how much I will miss you. How can I even start to count all of the things you have done for me. Like the happy monkey banner you made that the admins refused to put up. Or...those barnstars for the unimage of the year that told the second place, just how much they failed. And that recent underline, well...you too are now underlined on my own list in my heart. Your year here was special, and we will all miss you verry much. Thanks for participating and dont forget us!!! With tears in my eyes and lots of love. --ShabiDOO 00:06, June 22, 2011 (UTC)

Wait, he's leaving? -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 00:08, 22 June 2011

Yes Lolli...I know its hard...and we will always remember him, but his year is up. Lets hold each others hands as he walks away. One step at a time. Wave! --ShabiDOO 00:15, June 22, 2011 (UTC)

What? I'm not leaving. The whole "year I'll never get back" thing was a joke. I love you guys, and I won't be leaving for a long time. I can barely stay away from Uncyclopedia without having withdraws. You'd have to drag me away from this place kicking and screaming. I reiterate: you'd have to kill me (or ban me) to keep me away from this place for long. But I'm glad that someone would care if I left; just another reason I won't be leaving soon, I wouldn't want to upset anyone (especially you, Shabidoo). Thanks for caring. And yes, Lollipop, I'd love some Lollicake. -- 00:18, June 22, 2011 (UTC)

There's your Lollicake -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 00:22, 22 June 2011

Yay! -- 00:23, June 22, 2011 (UTC)

I know you are just saying that to make us feel better. Its okay, we prepared ourselves. I called you a cab 5 minutes ago, and the flight I bought you to Somalia was pricy at last minute rates, so don't turn back now. you are making this hard on us MagicMan. I don't want to say goodbye again --ShabiDOO 00:34, June 22, 2011 (UTC)

Well alright then. *Leaves* -- 00:36, June 22, 2011 (UTC)

Dammit, Shabidoo! You...you...gahh, i'm leaving too! *Leaves* -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 00:38, 22 June 2011

Not that I'm back, or anything, cause I'm not. But if I was, I'd leave again, Shabidoo. -- 00:54, June 22, 2011 (UTC)

Bye Lolli. :) --ShabiDOO 00:58, June 22, 2011 (UTC)

Naw, I can't leave now. I'll leave when I get a feature. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 01:32, 22 June 2011

Yeah...and with magic man helping me...YET again...mmm...can't let him go. I asked the pilot to return to fill in US state and told him to throw magic man out (with a chute if he can remember) before the hijacking. --ShabiDOO 01:59, June 22, 2011 (UTC)

Visual puns

Hey Magic Man, I never got a chance to vote on Visual puns--I read it yesterday, and thought it was a pretty pun-ny article. I was going to read it again and vote for it today, but it's already been queued. Sorry I didn't vote on it before--I should probably be pun-ished for not doing so. So I guess consider this message a spiritual for vote. Yeah. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 14:56, June 22, 2011 (UTC)

Hey, man, no worry's. I'm just happy I made someone smile. When I send out my thank you messages I'll send one to you. -- 16:24, June 22, 2011 (UTC)

Hey...I meant to vote for it. And I did vote for it. And thats what happened. --ShabiDOO 16:56, June 22, 2011 (UTC)

That was awesome, seriously! I've been here for 2 months and that was the most original! Awesome. Mattsnow 17:54, June 22, 2011 (UTC)

Thanks, man! Go take a look at the featured template. I messed with it. -- 17:57, June 22, 2011 (UTC)

Yeah, art and red, great! I also read the whole VFH of your first feature, quite a lot of drama! Continue to expend the visual puns if you find other things, one of the best thing is the "con tents" and the various edits button. I went on the edit screen and everything looked like jibberish to me, is there a place that would be like a template 101 course here? I had 2 features this month, but I am 100% sure you'll win the 1st spot for this month! Mattsnow 22:00, June 22, 2011 (UTC)

Luckily, I got a chance to vote  For. it. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 22:06, 22 June 2011

Really? You liked the whole edit button gag? When I added it I thought, "Oh god, this may actually lower the quality of the article." But I'm glad it went over well. I was actually a little upset when I moved it from bad puns to visual puns, because then I couldn't say how much I love a good bad pun (which in my opinion was a big part of the joke). Anyway, if you want to see the full extent of the drama for UnBooks:Let's take a walk in the city!, then read the talk page. Skinfan13 said it should've been dropped to a quasi feature. As for the template thing, in this instance, I just added this: __NOEDITSECTION__ to the top of the article (which makes the edit buttons go away). Then added this code over every section (I've changed it so you'll know where everything goes):

<span class="stealthexternallink"><span style="float:right;margin-left:5px"><div style="font-size: 100%;">[ <span title="Edit section: Whatever you want the button to say instead of "edit"">{{popupImage|image=Whatever image you want to pop up|height=Whatever hight you want the image to be|width=Whatever width you want the image to be|link=Whatever you want the image to link to|alt=Whatever you want it to say when someone rolls over the image|Also whatever you want the button to say instead of "edit"}}</span>]</div></span></span>

But you can also take a look here, here and just about anything here and here. As for the second one (Uncyclopedia:How To Get Started Editing), I know you don't really need to "get started" editing, you already have. But it's still really helpful. -- 23:14, June 22, 2011 (UTC)

Thanks, I sure will! I just submitted one on VFH, Boston Molasses Disaster. The pee review I got was the most unhelpful ever, the link is in the comments of the nom. I wasn't about to wait another goddamn month for another pee review, so I put it for vote. In a sense, this gives you a better idea than a Pee Review, and it's faster. Go there and tell me if you like it if you have the time. (I hate to whore, but since I am here...) Mattsnow 00:07, June 23, 2011 (UTC)

That was an extra-ordinary quick landslide land slide for visual puns. A task well done and well rewarded. As I bugger the skunk she and I applaud you. Aleister 1:19 23-6-'11

Mattsnow, I'll go take a look. But I'm sure it'll be good. Aleister, I know! Eighteen?! That's unheard of in this day in age! -- 02:01, June 23, 2011 (UTC)

Catch it. Kill it. Bin it. It's the UnSignpost!

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Just like Grandma used to make!

June 23rd, 2011 • Issue 126 • The only periodical that will burn your house down... with lemons!

Experimental Vectors By Chief This week Uncyclopedia stands on the brink of a momentous decision, a decision that will shape the future of the wiki and possibly society as we know it. Also, Lyrithya is proposing that we introduce the Vector skin as the default skin for the whole wiki. As is the custom on our planet a vote is currently happening in a forum, which isn't really news as everything around here is eventually resolved in that way. The vote currently stands at eleven votes in favour, with the people voting for praising Vector's enticing indentation and stylings and the against voters complaining that Vector isn't compatible with Windows 95 and doesn't display properly when loaded on a monitor last used to observe the 1969 Moon Landings. For voter and skin fetishist Ljlego launched a staunch defence of Vector, saying, "I hated Vector when I first saw it on Wikipedia," while against voter and Republican Aleister in Chains has complained that the skin doesn't work when he loads it on his ZX Spectrum; he has also found the real problem with the skin, namely, "Those huge tabs at the top, they look ridiculous. " Shabidoo, meanwhile, has decided to abstain, having been unable to make up his mind; his uncertainty about the new skin springs from a belief that, "This skin is much better than the last one." What a weirdo. The UnSignpost staff has switched to Vector and report that they have, on several occasions, found money in the street on the way home; who in their right mind would refuse to switch now? Vector does have several deficiencies which are, of course, all Lyrithya's fault. The much loved and coveted things to do page has disappeared from the sidebar, meaning that unless you search for it, you cannot find it. Incidentally, Science proves that searching for articles in the search box causes Cancer in 75% of everyone who does it. There are no other problems, except that the toolbox is set to be closed as default, Pee review is now below the facebook page link (this makes it appear less important), it doesn't make sandwiches, the edit button is on the wrong side, to watch pages I click a star (this is blatant Zionism), when I click the search box I type in a box inside the search box, and there is no link to the UnSignpost on the sidebar. If you have yet to try out the Vector skin go to your preferences page; you know you are there when the box with your optional real name in it appears. Click the gadgets tab and then select 'experimental Vector skin' from the list. Enjoy. Incidentally my real name is Archer, Leader of the Gorgonites. Fails QA By Him yet again Now while the UnSignpost staff are currently contemplating a weekly box devoted to Dr. Skullthumper's latest fad for Uncyclopedia, we felt we absolutely had to cover his latest dalliance into saving us from the eternal fires to which we are so rightly condemned. QA is something you are no doubt familiar with; for those of you who aren't here is how to find out. The new revelation is the QA log; this is a splendid log for those of you who love to sit and stare at recent changes. Now you can stare at recent changes and the QA log. It basically catches people sneakily removing maintenance tags from articles in order that they may be punished for their anarchic tendencies. Dr. Skullthumper has said all of the above in forum, but that's what the UnSignpost is for - we read the forums and write a brief summary with more jokes and less whining. The aforementioned Physician would like feedback from users on how his new device works, so in short he would like you to go to his forum and tell him just how splendid it is that he has taken time out from his splendid schedule of splendid masturbation to splendidly improve this splendid site. Some of our readers have written to us to tell us what they think about this new tool: "Zombiebaron," said an anonymous letter. "Who is this?" asked RabbiTechno after phoning our hotline. "Please rush me my portable Walrus polishing kit. 4 Super brushes guaranteed to clean even the trickiest of sea-bound mammals." read a coupon sent to us by Under user. "Wow. Now that is VERY useful." read an email from MrN9000, titled "Re:The purpose of toilets" and "Help me. I'm trapped in a post office." wrote Mordillo, who hasn't been seen since March. The QA log is live and watching all of you at this very moment and reminds you that thoughtcrime does not entail death, thoughtcrime IS death.

Check out these pages! Ratings! Worst! AGAIN! METAL GEAR? METAL GEAR!!! From our logs: 01:08, June 19, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked WeStoppedTheRocket (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (i've heard (well, okay, seen i guess) it before! i don't wanna here (again, see) it again!) 12:49, June 19, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 132 seconds ‎ (you are my all-time favourite fascist dictator) 15:29, June 21, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 86.46.201.230 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 Days ‎ (Hell yeah! You showed that talk page. Hit it again! Keep it down!) 15:15, June 19, 2011 Olipro (Talk | contribs) blocked Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (EVERYONE LOVES IT!) 00:08, June 18, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked 204.8.195.146 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (My dog just died from your lack of humour. Murderer!) 22:39, June 20, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked What now, bitches? (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (cute) Biopic of the Week Uncyclopedia has a problem. Uncyclopedia has NoNamesLeft. Now having NoNamesLeft is not the huge tragedy that it may first appear. To have NoNamesLeft is to have NoMoreStupidity. Confucius say: He who have NoNamesLeft have most names of all. Of course NoNamesRemaining is not just a rather snappy saying , no it is also the Moniker for a complete lunatic who likes to edit Uncyclopedia, likely to the severe detriment of the other duties and responsibilities in his life. Having been on Uncyclopedia for two months, he has racked up over 2,000 edits and three featured articles, along with a whole set of other articles that have caused Aleister in Chains to fall unequivocally in love with him. If you fancy asking him just how he will pay the heating bill for next month you can visit his talk page. Don't hold your breath for a response though; he's probably far too busy. Things you already know weekly round-up Zombiebaron and Modusoperandi lead Thekillerfroggy in the final round of VFS, nobody writes UnTunes any more, <insert name here> is still great fun, more people need to vote on VFH, everyone secretly loves the Power Rangers, you will go blind if you keep doing that, Zombiebaron, Nachlader is occasionally funny, obeying orders without question is fun, the two columns are now similar lengths. Mission Accomplished. Newsroom UnTune of the week Oo Aa Iiee

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~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:11, June 23, 2011 (UTC)

You wrote, nommed and voted for visual puns, which got featured!

-- 01:57, June 23, 2011 (UTC)

Boy!

Your visual puns page is really good. I'm sorry I didn't vote for it. It was because I wasn't here. I swear that If I knew there was a page like this one I would definetly nom it. Anyway, congratulations. --Mimo&maxus 08:55, June 23, 2011 (UTC)

Thanks, dude. You don't have to apologize for not voting, it certainly had enough votes as it was. Anyway, thanks again, and um... you misspelled definitely. -- 14:07, June 23, 2011 (UTC)

uh? --Mimo&maxus 14:37, June 23, 2011 (UTC)

Eh? -- 14:49, June 23, 2011 (UTC)

Oh... --Mimo&maxus 15:01, June 23, 2011 (UTC)

Ah... -- 15:18, June 23, 2011 (UTC)

Look! --Mimo&maxus 19:40, June 23, 2011 (UTC)

Visual apologies

Sorry I missed that, my computer's been broke, and still is, actually. Rest assured it would have been a for vote had I got the chance though. Congratulations on another feature. --Black Flamingo 19:12, June 23, 2011 (UTC)

Yeah sure. Quit copying me Black Flamingo, that will never make you look awesome like me. --Mimo&maxus 19:38, June 23, 2011 (UTC)

Actually, Mimo, if you look up a bit you'll see that Guildy was the first to apologize for not voting. Anyway, Black flamingo, thanks for the congrats, and don't worry about the voting thing, You reviewed it, that's more than enough. -- 21:06, June 23, 2011 (UTC)

Same thing as above

A very well done article. Congrats on the feature and sorry I didn't see it on the VFH queue or I would've voted for it. ~  Talk 22:51, 23 June 2011 (UTC)

Wow! It seems like everybody liked my article. Even though you didn't vote, thanks! It makes me happy to know that people actually like my writing. Oh, and by the way, good pun! -- 23:02, June 23, 2011 (UTC)

I hated it, something about how it contains puns. I hate puns. Horrible despicable things...

There, see? Not everyone likes it. That will be $30. 1234 ~ 03:16, 24 June 2011

Yeah, but you don't count. You're Lyrithya, not a person. Also, you've disliked everything I've written so far anyway, so... bleh. -- 03:18, June 24, 2011 (UTC)

I'm sorry. It's just not the sort of thing I like for some reason. You're a lovely guy, but we apparently have rather different tastes. 1234 ~ 03:34, 24 June 2011

No need to apologize! I'm not actually angry at you, or anything. I was just joking with all that. I can't see how anyone could get angry at anyone for disliking their article, it's the person's opinion, they can't change it! If you had the choice to like the article I'm sure you would (or at least I hope. Unless you actually like disliking my article. But in this case I'll just assume...). I'm sure you've heard the saying that opinions are like assholes, everyone has one. But I bet you've never heard the end of that little proverb. The end says, "Except for Magic man, who got his surgically removed (both his asshole, and his opinions)." -- 03:49, June 24, 2011 (UTC)

An alarming number of folks here would be annoyed. They seem to care. A lot. It's somewhat unsettling. On the other hand, if only there was a way to harness that caring, perhaps we'd have a new and cleaner way to power the site... what do you think? Doable? 1234 ~ 03:54, 24 June 2011

Yes... But how would we do that? Magic, perhaps? -- 04:27, June 24, 2011 (UTC)

Why not? You are a magic man, after all. 1234 ~ 04:32, 24 June 2011

Exactly! Now just let me get back you you in four to eight weeks. -- 05:46, June 24, 2011 (UTC)

The Un-Sigh-npost!

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June 30th, 2011 • Issue 127 • Kills 99.9% of bacteria.... IN SECONDS!!

Breasts By Chief You know what the problem is? You will shortly, because if there's something the UnSignpost does brilliantly, it is editorialise on matters of little or no significance to you or the people you know. The problem is the days of the week and the dates of the month are conspiring against the UnSignpost. As the UnSignpost team sat down on Sunday to play monopoly and, if there was time, lay out the foundations for this splendid periodical, some bright spark suggested that we cover the conclusion of VFS. What an excellent idea, we all agreed, and had completed an entire specialist 3D issue on that single topic, complete with free poster and balloons, when it was realised that we won't in fact know who has won until Thursday evening, by which time this periodical will have been dispatched and our team of journalists will once again be at home wanking themselves raw. So we binned that spectacular issue and persuaded our least able journalist to write the story instead; this was especially useful as we only have to pay him in hugs and Jelly Babies. So VFS trundles on into its final laborious stages; some of you may remember voting a long long time ago when it was still exciting and you checked the page every day to see how your favourite candidate was doing. Now the only people checking VFS every day are Thekillerfroggy and Zombiebaron, and only then because they are winning at the moment. Obviously all that is needed to recapture the attention of the average Uncyclopedian is a header proclaiming the existence of breasts and, of course, exclusive interviews with other Uncyclopedians! Regrettably only one of those is available right now and this being the UnSignpost you can probably guess which one. "Well I do have a plan," said Thekillerfroggy when we interviewed him about his tactics for being the winner. When pressed, he revealed that "Well I can't reveal too much but I can say that my plan involves being the winner." Clearly TKF is playing the long game, but how about Zombiebaron? "Zombiecrat!" replied Zombiebaron when we asked how he would counter TKF's ambitious strategy to be the winner, which roughly translated means that Zombiebaron plans to be the winner as well. Third placed candidate Modusoperandi is currently sticking to his usual duties: sticking the occasional template on Ban Patrol and posting on the forums where he is occasionally racist; the best and wisest man any of us have ever known. The other obvious problem here is that we don't have any particularly active Bureaucrats (thus why we are holding this vote) to give the newly elected users their rights on Friday morning. However this is a minor detail since the voting is the fun part of any VFS and you all enjoyed that... right? Forest Fire By Chief As we were saying last week, Dr. Skullthumper really needs a hobby, preferably one that involves very long compulsory breaks from his computer. However, undeterred by such scathing criticism, Dr. Skullthumper and Lyrithya have decided, in the name of quality, to reform the maintenance templates, leaving a queue of articles on the timestamped maintenance categories as long as the list of women that Dr. Skullthumper isn't sleeping with. When we arrived to question the good doctor, Lyrithya demonstrated her commitment to the project by immediately saying "It was Dr. Skullthumper's fault," which at least shows she is a team player. Of course Dr. Skullthumper is far too busy to answer our questions, especially when there are problems to be solved and edit counts to be raised, so he has proposed another forest fire week because if there's anything more fun than sorting through hundreds of articles, it's tagging hundreds of them with templates. For those of you who have never seen a forest fire week it is essentially a week (duh) where users are encouraged to tag crap articles with a tag that gives them 7 days to live. All splendid and wholesome; the only issue being that for reasons best known to himself, Dr. Skullthumper has posted this idea in BHOP, so you actually have to go there in order to read it, sorry. Of course such an idea assumes that tagging articles is fun and I'm sure you will agree it is, if you are doing it once or twice a day. Once the seven days are over you'll wish that there was no Uncyclopedia, no internet and ultimately no choice! So hurry over to cast your all-important votes, and speed us on our way to misery and clerkly drudgery!

Check out these pages! Modusoperandi Zombiebaron Uncyclopedia is the worst Why? The community cake is a lie Whatever this is From our logs: 07:33, June 28, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 217.206.228.109 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (Finally, a good old-fashioned page blanking, well done to you sir for defying convention so radically) 19:43, June 27, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked TheHelloGuy (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (LulzSec attacking wiki security? Of course it's insecure, it's bloody MediaWiki!) 09:16, June 27, 2011 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 178.168.31.223 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (werespambotmanwolf) 03:20, June 26, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) resurrected Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) ‎ (if i'm resurected does that mean that i'm a zombiezombiebaron?) 14:05, June 24, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 117.120.16.132 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (Ass-cheese is all very well at work, but you have to switch off sometime) 12:26, June 23, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked 119.155.6.23 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (I'm cleansing the internet of inferior lifeforms, starting with spambots.) Biopic of the Week There is no biopic this week. Try not to think about that too much. OMG! Cajek edited the wiki this week, see below. Cajek Ban-Smackdown of the Week 16:14, June 25, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 13 seconds ‎ (Hello. I don't believe I've blocked you before. ) 15:35, June 25, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 253 seconds ‎ (Editing the wiki without due care and attention) 02:58, June 25, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a poop ‎ (uuuuuunnnnnnnnngggggggghhhhhh *poop*) 01:17, June 25, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a flock of trouts ‎ (Because.) 00:11, June 25, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 5000000 years ‎ (WHY HAVENT I DONE THIS YET) 22:37, June 24, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a jubilation ‎ (OH MY FUCKING SHIT IT IS CAJEK!!!!!!!!!) Newsroom UnTune of the week The Star and Eagle Reason to leave Uncyclopedia #6,425 Just to pop down to the shops for... porn.

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~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:12, June 30, 2011 (UTC)

Apparently you won

	Reviewer of the Month June 2011

Good job, man, and well-earned... now keep it up. 1234 ~ 03:38, 2 July 2011

Thanks! And I will. -- 03:50, July 2, 2011 (UTC)

Brble brble brble brble!!! Seriousely!!! --ShabiDOO 03:54, July 2, 2011 (UTC)

NO!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!??? -- 04:03, July 2, 2011 (UTC)

Kazaam

You make me feel
you make me feel
you make me feel
like a winner, thanks.
--K evillips эвилипс MUN,CM,NS,3of7 20:24, July 2, 2011 (UTC)

Are you talking about MotM? If so, you're welcome. -- 20:29, July 2, 2011 (UTC)

If you have some other things that could make me feel like a winner, we can discuss. But yes MotM. --K evillips эвилипс MUN,CM,NS,3of7 20:42, July 2, 2011 (UTC)

Oh. then yeah, you're welcome. -- 00:24, July 7, 2011 (UTC)

It's free and it always will be; it's the UnSignpost!

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July 7th, 2011 • Issue 128 • Why not have some Yoghurt?

The Final Solution By Chief The year is 2011, as you are obviously well aware, and Uncyclopedia once again faces a crisis that could very well shake the very foundations of the wiki and destroy the comedic soul of the userbase. Ha, fooled you, here is a story about a forum that nobody except Lyrithya has replied to. You all recall that last week we covered Dr. Skullthumper and his latest dalliance with quality control. Well, it seems that Sockpuppet of an unregistered user took exception to these changes, and he is determined to make a stand for justice, democracy and the American Belgian way, whichever way that may be. So you all know how we have too many articles, you should because you have all been told, and that all of these articles suck, however Socky contends that the way to solve this is not through shipping all the articles to Cajek's prison island but rather by considering each and every one in turn. A noble aim but it simply is not practical; does Socky not realise that these are necessary losses without which democracy cannot be purified? Clearly he does not. The UnSignpost decided not to have an interview with anyone this week as it involves all sorts of complex logistical work and what can be charitably described as begging but rather has elected to have people answer any question with a random line from their talk page that they have said; we aren't completely unprofessional. The first person we didn't sit down with was Socky himself, to inform him that we were running this story. "That's... partially nice and partially creepy to hear." he responded. Asked why he opposed the reforms he said "The dark side is always my choice." which at least explains why he lives underneath a power station. Finally we asked what his proposed solution would be: "All I can say is that it's Arabic and I have a hunch it has "Allah" in it somewhere," he said enthusiastically (we imagine). We failed to ask Uncyclopedian every man Frosty what he thought about the conflict, he responded by saying "They are actually both kinda awful, so whatever. I cant be bothered." albeit he did say this on Tuesday... to someone else... about something completely different. Dr. Skullthumper rebutted Socky's accusations of Article Death Camps by saying "I've been an uptight fucker because I was on my periods" to RAHB, in 2008. Hopefully this will all accumulate with some kind of massive fight, hopefully with lasers... in space; this correspondent certainly hopes so. Competitions By Chief We here at the UnSignpost were out of writing material this week, and that doesn't just mean we have run out of pens, it means that VFS has concluded, nobody is really fighting about anything and most crucially there have been no writing competitions. Usually you can't move for Uncyclopedia competitions begging people to write something funny in the name of fun and games and with the promise of a shiny template should they do particularly well. Well Thekillerfroggy certainly noticed and it seems that every person who has ever hosted a competition ever was just waiting for him to ask since they are now all fighting over who gets to hold their writing competition first, by being incredibly gallant and insisting that everyone else go first. It's like watching a group of middle aged women discuss who will get to have the last Malteser: "Oh I really shouldn't, no you do it, you haven't had a Malteser in such a long time, I know I love them and being in charge of them but you asked nicely, oh do go on Mavis." You get the idea (obviously in this analogy Maltesers are writing competitions). We list the ideas floating around on the forum below for your laziness convenience: 1) The PLS, last hosted by Sycamore in February. 2) The Article Whisperer last hosted by MadMax in October last year. 3) The Happy Monkey Competition hosted by Shabidoo in March. 4) Some hypothetical competition possibly hosted by Ljlego at some theoretical point this summer. One thing is for certain, one of these will happen, be sure to keep an eye on the forums to see what is being held when, that way you can not take part as a conscientious objection rather than just through ignorance.

Check out these pages! Kip The Dip Do you speak Shabidoo? Romartus leads the way From our logs: 23:58, July 1, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked 27.3.18.100 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Look at the cute little revert warrior...) 08:27, July 1, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 137 minutes ‎ (it's not Retardpedia, you say? What the fuck was I ever doing here then?) 19:15, July 1, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked 108.67.107.232 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Why do people take so dang long to blank a page? Honestly. It's just edit -> select all -> backspace.) 16:30, July 3, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 71.228.244.123 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (It's my userpage, the important part being that it is mine, If I want to fill it with hentai and fairies that is my own crap decision and you should let me roll with it.) 01:09, July 5, 2011 Olipro (Talk | contribs) blocked Olipro sucks (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Your Mother) 11:27, July 4, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked 212.250.163.61 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (Are you stupid? This is a legitimate question based on the nature of your contributions.) Biopic of the Week What can one say about Joe9320? That he hasn't already said himself, it is not an exaggeration to say that Joe9320's biggest fan is Joe9320. That said, you should not let this, or his... unique userpage put you off Joe. Joe's biggest commitments right now are the Goa Tse clan, being made an admin and being Joe9320. Joe has been around since 2008 and should be afforded a level of respect for causing very little in the way of real problems in that time, accruing a stunning 8 blocks as he wheels from forum to forum explaining why he rocks and why we should all agree that he rocks. So those of you with supposedly limitless free time can swing past Joe's userpage and once they have enjoyed that for a little while can swing by his talk page and speak to the man himself. Good luck to you; there be monsters. Old School FA The GPS is today becoming a never-ending source of delight to exuberant male drivers, for two main reasons: Their total lack of ability to ask for directions. Their insatiable desire for new, expensive and totally unnecessary toys. The GPS fulfils both of those basic male needs. The GPS will essentially connect to several geographic satellites which are able to coordinate the driver's local position, destination and how to bridge the gap between the two. At the next roundabout- HOLY MOTHER OF GOD! Newsroom UnTune of the week Can't Stop Him Now

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:11, July 7, 2011 (UTC)

Hippopotamus

Hey, yeah, i would like a bit of help with the "Hippopotamus" article. – Preceding unsigned comment added by Blahguy69 (talk • contribs)

Ah! Good! I was hoping you'd say that! So let's get right down to business. As you may or may not know, you have one week to improve your article before that ICU I slapped on your article expires, and that baby goes bye-bye (I apologize if I'm coming off as rude). But there's hope! Every time someone edits the article the clock resets. So I would suggest that you read this and this, if you haven't already. I'll make some edits to the article so the clock will reset. Tell me after you've read those things I told you to read (and read them all, maybe even more than once, don't just skim through them). Again, if I'm coming off as a jerk, or bossy, I apologize, it's just I've had articles with ICUs on them before and I know how quickly the time provided goes by. Also, don't forget to sign your posts. -- 04:04, July 9, 2011 (UTC)

Magic Man

Umm...we dont really know each other that well...but we are there for each other? Right? Look...im really running late...im super late for a date! Can you lend me 30 minutes? I really want to be there on time. As well...could you lend me 20 bucks? I really could use 20 bucks to have a nice date. Well...whatever man...just let me know what you think. Okay? Okay Magic Man dude?!?!?!?! Let me know!? --ShabiDOO 01:54, July 10, 2011 (UTC)

Um... yeah. Here's twenty bucks: $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ And here's thirty minutes: minute minute minute minute minute minute minute minute minute minute minute minute minute minute minute minute minute minute minute minute minute minute minute minute minute minute minute minute minute minute. Hope it helps. -- 03:22, July 10, 2011 (UTC)

Your quotes

are bugging me. Did you just miss the end quote in "TRAP... ? Or was it supposed to have a beginning quote in the first place, making it more like TRAP..." ? I must know. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 05:53 Jul 10, 2011

Oh, sorry I never saw this. Anyway, yeah, it was just a mistake. I fixed it. -- 22:52, July 12, 2011 (UTC)

The UnSignpost: Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Th-the m-m-most con-confident new-Newspaper in a wh-while

July 14th, 2011 • Issue 129 • The Engines cannae take it Captain!

Now You're Gone By Chief This week the UnSignpost is the bearer of sad sad news. A person close to us all, an integral cog in the workings of the wiki has taken a leave of absence and now there is nobody to take up the slack. Yes it is with a heavy heart we report that Sannse is hardly ever here these days. For those who are interested there will be a small service on Sunday where we will all have a minutes fresh air in honour of Sannse, on the plus side Lyrithya hasn't edited the wiki in four days at the time of going to press! This forum by super sensitive Ljlego details his intentions to force Lyrithya into a holiday, buy tampons and grow a vagina, not necessarily in that order. For those of you who don't know what a holiday involves it's a very expensive way of going to stay somewhere with unreliable internet, too much spicy food and to be molested by foreigners who smell of spicy food. Ljlego doesn't make it clear why exactly he thinks that Lyrithya needs molesting but it's most likely because she makes a prettier lady than he does. Dr. Skullthumper, who just can't stay out of the UnSignpost these days, has diagnosed Lyrithya with what he calls "Uncyc Fatigue" a condition that in its final stages renders one completely incapable of caring about anything to do with Uncyclopedia. By that prognosis just about every woman in this correspondent's life has suffered from "Uncyc Fatigue" and not, as I incorrectly assumed, "Chief Fever". Romartus called for calm saying that we should "Let Lyrithya decide what she wants to do without pressure". So we should all just sit back and wait for the first corpse to turn up; cut to pieces in an alleyway with "Shifty Eyes" daubed in blood on a nearby wall. In other news the forums have exploded with suggestions for writing competitions, with ideas like "You write an article with your eyes closed!" and "You write an article about pants and then we all vote on which pants article is most pants and the winner can add a picture of some pants to their signature!!!" being floated for your approval. If you want to participate or support an idea then make a point of telling the person suggesting it, or they are liable to forget all about it. The PLS is the one that is most likely to happen and it needs fools with time on their hands willing volunteers to make it worthwhile, speaking of which do a Pee review. What you should all be doing. By Magic man Hi there, my name is Magic man. Some of you may know me as god, some of you may not. In this day in age, it's hard to know what to do; you've got the media, your boss, and all your friends at school (don't try to deny it, I know most of you are still schoolchildren) telling you different things: What to like, what to wear, who to be friends with, not to follow them home. To be quite frank, it annoys the hell out of me when people tell other people what to do. Unless I'm the one doing the telling. So after reviewing all the opinion columns, listening long and hard to everyone opinions I have come to this conclusion: Give me all your money. Really, I'm a great guy and very deserving. All my research does point to everyone giving me all their money, so that's another reason, right there. What's that you say? you think I'm lying to you just to help myself? Noooooo! What would make you say that? I mean, have I ever lied to you? Okay, maybe. But that doesn't mean I'm lying right now. Really, I'm not. Huh? What now?! You say you're to poor, old, ugly, lazy, selfish, stupid or short to give me money? Well don't worry your pretty little head you poor/old/ugly/lazy/selfish/stupid/short bastard you! Because if you can't give me money, give me your children! Don't have children? That's alright, I'll take anything! Blowjobs, pie, plastic penises, lollipops, whores, a collage college degree, attention, bananas (actually on second thought, don't give me bananas, I hate those things...), goldfish, human eyes, or hair pieces. Really, anything, except for bananas, remember, I hate those things! Give today.

Check out these pages! Site Notices We the people Extravaganza! POO! Fails QA From our logs: 11:11, July 12, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 213.226.63.143 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Haha! You're so funny and original, your talents are wasted here.) 08:22, July 10, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 89.142.73.215 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (Confucius say: Fuck you gaylord ) 08:29, July 12, 2011 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked 86.17.9.81 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (nice spamcruft, bro...) 20:42, July 7, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked Hotelle (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Please find yourself a more purposeful occupation than making a list about a yuky doody bigger.) 20:31, July 7, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 days ‎ (Giant pile of useless fail) 10:27, July 8, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 195.194.21.180 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (hey, you remember the last time I banned you for being an idiot? good times, man, good times. ) 07:25, July 12, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked 202.133.97.72 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 months ‎ (SERIOUSLY GUY, I HAVE TO ADMIT THE FACT THAT YOU ARE BANNED) Biopic of the Week The biopic for this week focusses on a user who has taught us all a thing or two about being Uncyclopedians and just a little bit about being human... ha ha just kidding, this week the biopic is about Shabidoo. Now let me start us off by saying that I don't hate Shabidoo how could one hate a user who persists in his enthusiasm for all aspects of the site? You've all seen him on the forums talking about his views and hosting competitions and writing and checking pee reviews. What a splendid fellow. However... His userpage, I've been there and he lists several users that inspire him; I am not on this list. He lists several users who are "Great Behind The Scenes"; I'm not on that list either. We here at the UnSignpost can only conclude that being "Great Behind the Scenes" involves doing sexual favours for Shabidoo and probably involves freakish dancing and harnesses. So if you fancy meeting Shabidoo, one of Uncyclopedia's great innovators, then you had better be prepared to strim his hedge at some point, if you know what we mean... Word of the Week Symmetry Newsroom UnTune of the week My Humps (Acoustic)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:11, July 14, 2011 (UTC)

Hey, man

Hey there Mr. Magic Man. I have just came to your disscussion page to tell you that I'm sorry for taking full credit of that Barack-Chuckey picture, which was used to be nominated. Next time when I decide to promote my pic, I promise to give you credit that you so rightfully deserve. --Lucyfer & his friend, Wlado! 01:27, July 14, 2011 (UTC)

Oh no! I wasn't angry, or anything. I just wanted to let you know so you don't take credit for someone else's image in the future. Anyway, cheers! -- 01:39, July 14, 2011 (UTC)

So, have you got my other pictures done? --Lucyfer & his friend, Wlado! 21:09, July 15, 2011 (UTC)

Oh, sorry, I forgot. I'll try to start on them soon, when I have the time. But you may get better pictures if you ask Lyrithya or Zombiebaron personally. But if you still want me to do them, I will. -- 04:29, July 16, 2011 (UTC)

Signpost article

NICE! :) --ShabiDOO 22:48, July 15, 2011 (UTC)

Hey, thanks, man. But I don't see any money, maybe you're hiding it in your pockets? I sure hope so. Anyway, I like the colors of your new sig. -- 04:26, July 16, 2011 (UTC)

I can only offer you a currency you would never understand. Yes...the colours are sublime. Lolllllipop is a myrrical worker! --ShabiDOO 04:46, July 16, 2011 (UTC)

Alright, if that's all you can offer, that's what I want. Remember, I'll take anything. -- 05:18, July 16, 2011 (UTC)

The Tournament

Hey man. I heard you were doing the templates (and numerous other things) for the Uncyclopedia Summer Extravaganza. I was wondering if you could make the award badges for the winners, and a hilarious put-down badge for the drop-outs. IF you are interested, please reply here with your thoughts. Thanks...→ L A B O R A T O R I E S 22:18, July 17, 2011 (UTC)

Hey, bro, you know I like you a lot, I voted for your articles on VFH and article of the month, however I have got some feedback from Oliphaute and I: We must agree with the summer's competition team: we would really have liked to form a team with Black Flamingo (see his talk page You are a formatting master: we like to think we are more traditional writers. A couple of pics to support the text, you know? Old school I guess. There are some other teams out there that could use your incredible formatting talents. I hope you don't take it the wrong way, we just want this competition to work and it is my observation other team need a second person (since there are some with only one participant) of your high caliber. I just want the competition to succeed. Mattsnow 14:35, July 19, 2011 (UTC)

This is really lame to say the least. The sign ups are closed...the six teams are filled and Magicman is a good writer and you are saying this now? Writing with other people is a challenge and it will demonstrate the strength of your skills as a writer by working with someone with a different writing style than yours. Do you see any of those teams that are not mixed (except maybe the admin team?) Its very disagreeable to say the least suggesting someone not be on your team, especially AFTER the sign ups are all closed...especially to a good writer. --ShabiDOO 20:24, July 19, 2011 (UTC)

It isn't a personal attack on Magic Man, it was just that we were disappointed to have invited someone and they arrived too late. Needless to say, we were a little frustrated by that, but it isn't against Magic Man's writing ability. It's just sometimes troublesome when plans falter.

Anyways, now that I think about it, it was rather an asshole move to ask this of Magic Man. We are adults here (debatable) and it was a little petty of us to propose this proposition of proposing to promote the pre-medidated pre-disposition of a pre-dominately good character with such a proposal of proposition. Also, we didn't want to kick Magic Man out, we just wanted to include another person and we thought switching members with another team would suit that problem, but it seems silly now thinking about it. Anyways, sorry and we hope to have a good competition and that we can all win working together. --Sir Oliphaunte (განხილვა)   22:14, July 19, 2011 (UTC)

why don't you go ask Joe nicely on his page if the teams can have 4 members? He wanted the teams limited to 6 (perhaps so the judges would only have 12 articles to review). Might be nice to have upto 4 members per team...and that way your 4th person could be there. If you post that on his page, Ill reply suggesting that it is a good idea...prepositionally speaking in a pre-theorhetically prepotentious way (prepostorously). --ShabiDOO 22:44, July 19, 2011 (UTC)

I just did ask Joe nicely on his talkpage, feel free to go support me! I understand it was a cheap move, I tried to be as nice as I could, but we really thought BF would join, it seems he doesn't know how to go on forums... It's because BF declared my love for me and MM has yet to do so lol. I really hope the 3 or 4 members per team works out, if not, we'll be happy to write with Magic Man! Mattsnow 23:53, July 19, 2011 (UTC)

Aimsplode, I wasn't aware that I was supposed to make the awards. If I was, no one told me. But I'd be very happy to make them, if you still want me to. Mattsnow, I'll change groups if you all really want me to, but I'd much rather stay in. Your choice. -- 14:49, July 30, 2011 (UTC)

Yeah, stay. You're a much bigger asset to the group than I am. --Black Flamingo 15:17, July 30, 2011 (UTC)

Thanks. That is, of course, debatable, but thanks nonetheless. -- 15:29, July 30, 2011 (UTC)

Of course you stay Magic Man. Sorry for that. :) Mattsnow 16:20, July 30, 2011 (UTC)

The UnSignpost: Avoid all contact with eyes.

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Smiting the nail of news with the plastic hammer of truth

July 21st, 2011 • Issue 130 • Are you flirting with me?

Voting (again) Senseless rambling by ChiefjusticeDS So as we approach the end of the month the monthly award competition should really be heating up and showing us all the great expanses of talent of which Uncyclopedia can rightfully boast. We are pleased to report that this is exactly what has happened; the awards pages are packed with votes and edit summaries complaining of edit conflicts while voting, or at least they would be... IF WE LIVED IN OPPOSITE WORLD! In reality visiting an awards page feels rather like trekking around Chernobyl, sans Ukranian soldier who refuses to take pictures of you in front of all the landmarks; strange mutated beings (nominees) stagger out of the shadows begging for just one vote. However they await in vain as it would appear that all of you have forgotten that voting is actually the most fun you can have on Uncyclopedia, especially with your clothes off. One need only survey the lesser awards like Author of the Month and Potatochopper of the Month to see that this is clearly an issue in need of resolution. Dr. Skullthumper had this to say of the voting problem: "How so, where?" so we can all be assured that it is at the top of his to-do list of urgent issues to be resolved. The UnSignpost would like to be the first to recommend a solution; we suggest that we hit the award pages hard and fast with a major leafleting campaign, which when followed up with a proposal to propose a discussion on the issue of awards pages with few votes to be considered at some hypothetical point in the near to distant future by a committee of individuals elected through two junior sub-committees, will be a considerable force to be reckoned with. Since investigation is rumoured to be a part of the remit of the UnSignpost we outfitted several of our fearless reporters with pens and paper and sent them to find out what you think. Our first call was to the home of <insert name here> who, may we say, could do with mowing his lawn once in a while, and putting some clothes on before dancing to Blondie in the front room. "I was actually just going to vote on all the awards, no worries guys" said <insert name here> and we can only hope that <insert name here> does exactly that, since liars are regularly incarcerated on Zombiebaron's prison island, where the piteous cries of "No Zombiebaron here?" never stop. To update on the awards that have amassed some votes Noob of the Month, Uncyclopedia's favourite award, is exceptionally close this month with one candidate having assailed the dizzying heights of 4 votes and his nearest competitor tailing him at the similarly disorientating altitude of 3 votes. Uncyclopedian of the Month is a Frosty appreciation party and he leads his nearest competitor by 8 votes. Writer of the Month is a much more subdued affair with Mattsnow leading the pack with a massive three votes. The obvious resolution to this and indeed all problems on Uncyclopedia is that we all start voting as much as humanly possible, I'm going to go and do it right now; <insert name here> promised he would and I am inspired by his example, we hope you will be too. Football Uninformed rambling by ChiefjusticeDS It's American Football Season! Or so we are reliably informed on this forum by Guildensternenstein. The news is obviously that fantasy football is about to start again, for those of you who don't know how it works you are probably best to look it up on wikipedia or something because we here at the UnSignpost haven't a clue. Guildy has said "I need a minimum of 6 guys" and he would like about 12 people to sign up for fantasy football as well. The UnSignpost would also like to extend the offer of the post of "Pretend Sports Correspondent" to someone who can, occasionally, keep the expectant world up to date on the goings on in the league. If you want to participate then you had better sign up soon as there are only about three places left at the time of going to press, a working knowledge of American Football is not essential, just ask Neox and the "Well-Dressed Pickles" who managed to go the entirety of last season without winning or editing the line up, despite it containing six of the worst players in the entire league. Anyone interested in reporting on the fantasy football should submit a report to the press room from where, after some minor editing, we will place it into the next issue and claim it as our own.

Check out these pages! Extravaganza Bradaphraser Still not dead Lol whatever From our logs: 01:30, July 20, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Fnoodle (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (stealing admins' jobs. he's like one of them whatchacallits..... mexicans!) 18:50, July 19, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Mattsnow (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 500 seconds ‎ (Doing what I asked people to do in the UnSignpost; this means he read it before Thursday, this is tantamount to pissing in my face.) 08:31, July 19, 2011 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked 85.17.151.155 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Theres a party in my pants. But you aren't invited....) 18:10, July 18, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 year ‎ (Wanting to be an admin) 20:52, July 14, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked Colin "All your base" Heaney (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (too gullible to live) 20:53, July 14, 2011 Rcmurphy (Talk | contribs) resurrected Colin "All your base" Heaney (Talk | contribs) ‎ (too rare to die) Biopic of the Week Mattsnow should have seen this coming, he should have known that a biopic is the result of hard work, diligence and sincerity... However in his case we have made an exception. For those of you who don't know Mattsnow was noob of the month two months ago which just goes to show that we really do just give it out to anyone. He has written several featured articles; just goes to show that VFH should probably be renamed Bribe for Highlight. He has done pee reviews too and I'm told those are quite good, needless to say I don't believe that, it just goes to show that Pee Review standards have really fallen since my day. We beg of you not to vote Mattsnow in Writer of the Month this month, remember a vote for Mattsnow is a vote for so-called "quality" and "humour". Unacceptable. Go on, speak to him if you want but don't come crying to us when he's as nice as everyone says he is. Newsroom UnTune of the week I Love You Cajek ban smackdown of the week! 11:45, July 15, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 12.3456789 seconds ‎ (For not being around enough.) 15:32, July 15, 2011 Todd Lyons (Talk | contribs) changed block settings for Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 07.152011 seconds () ‎ (July 15: International "Ban Cajek" Day celebrations) 19:30, July 15, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 seconds ‎ (international ban Cajek day, you say?)

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~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:12, July 21, 2011 (UTC)

More class than 9000 schools: It's the UnSignpost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

In Pure Russian Fashion, The Newspaper That Reads YOU!!

July 28th, 2011 • Issue 131 • Happy Thursday

Forest Fire Spreads, Users Divided By Chief Now when it comes to deleting crap articles everybody on Uncyclopedia is on the same side, with the possible exception of Jupiterfox. We want crap articles out in order that we can effectively breed a wiki fit for kings and whoever else might stumble by. It is in the name of pruning the grand bush of humour that Forest Fire Week (or FFW if you are on a tight schedule) has come to be once again. For those of you who have been living under rocks on the surface of Saturn with only the UnSignpost to provide you with news Forest Fire Week involves tagging articles with a tag (duh) and then deleting them after seven days no matter what anyone else says. Such is the attraction of sending articles into the great infinite that there is a scoreboard on the forum detailing which of the Schutzstaffel participating users has captured the most deviant articles. The amount of tagging is truly tremendous with about 7% of all Uncyclopedia's articles winning themselves a tag. The scoreboard for most articles saved from Forest Fire Week tags is somewhat more subdued with Shabidoo leading the way having saved three, and Thekillerfroggy and Sockpuppet of an unregistered user following along behind having saved 1.5 and 0.5 articles respectively. Those of you looking for a bit of a hoot will not be disappointed to learn that the whole forum is a bit of a giggle as some users sit and sulk because they hate Forest Fire Week but feel too polite to tell anybody. Nobody will be surprised to learn that this is yet another brainwave from Uncyclopedia's head innovator Dr. Skullthumper who has a vision for Uncyclopedia and it is an Uncyclopedia that remains aerodynamic at high speeds due to the lack of poor articles attached to it. As always the UnSignpost has foregone actually speaking to him, mostly because we don't want our archives to be burned to the ground in the name of quality control. But just remember the good doctor is convinced "Our ancestors would not be proud of us" so we must be going right somewhere. Forest Fire Week ends on the very day that this splendid periodical has been delivered to you; users are instructed to return to their caves and await Dr. Skullthumper's next brain fart, it won't take long, it'll probably be recommending some kind of cyber upgrade for your brain that will turn us all into Cybermen. Then Doctor Who will have to murder everyone with plastic explosive, before having a final showdown with Dr. Skullthumper as he attempts to escape the exploding factory in his personal Zeppelin. It could happen. Users Return. Everything is Ruined. By Chief So you've been away from Uncyclopedia for a while, doing.... the garden. After a while you sit down and say "Hey my life is pretty average at the moment; I've finally managed to fit 17 crayons into a single nostril. I'll swing by past Uncyclopedia and all the freaky losers there!". So you do and everything has changed, what was right is now wrong that which once wore parachute pants... continues to wear parachute pants. Yes it seems Uncyclopedia isn't what it used to be as literally two users have reappeared to inform us that everything has gone wrong all of a sudden. Yes you should all be ashamed of the mess every single one of you have made of their favourite pages. There isn't really a point to this story, it is more a public service announcement. The other point of this story is to inform you all that our principal editor will be unable to write any news next week due to the impending arrival of several "friends" wishing to discuss some of his unfortunate financial liabilities. The UnSignpost therefore requires somebody to write the whole thing next week, attend the tedious meetings and... well that's pretty much it. If interested you should simply write the UnSignpost, it's easy; help us manage an issue every week for an entire year. It beats having real life goals.

Check out these pages! Do we? Name Game Uncyclopedia Unacceptable Most Visited Summer Extravaganza From our logs: 08:31, July 23, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 195.188.227.42 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Removing content from pages: That's so unoriginal I don't even have to type it out, it's on a drop down list; you sir are about as original as the next fifa game, i.e. not at all. IT'S JUST FOOTBALL DAMMIT!) 04:45, July 24, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) changed block settings for 66.90.104.57 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite () ‎ (You must be this "piece of shit who eats pieces of his own shit" i hear so much about) 23:16, July 25, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked 67.100.64.227 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Don't kill the nazis, please.) 12:59, July 26, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) changed block settings for 71.134.147.97 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (You seem to be doing something wrong, seeing as I'm banning you. You figure it out, I'm too lazy.) 04:36, July 27, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked TheHappySpaceman (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (Make better nominations. Also, times new roman??? geez what did you go to private school or something) 09:35, July 24, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Mikefish (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Masterfully done sir, to top it off perhaps you would like to try dangling your genitals in boiling water, it's great!) Biopic of the Week “I can't let you edit that Dave” ~ Fnoodle Well the UnSignpost has already done a biopic on Fnoodle but at the risk of constantly talking about Dr. Skullthumper and his freaky freakness, we are going to do it again now. The reason for this because alongside a whole host of pointless things you don't want to know about, Fnoodle now also delivers the UnSignpost, bans people and deletes articles. This is a splendid outcome, if you want to live in a Terminator film, shortly we will hand over too much power to Fnoodle, he will become self-aware and we will have to live in sewers to escape his humour purges. This of course is all part of the plan to have the wiki run not by humans who just moan about everything and clog up recent changes with new articles and voting, but by a race of sentient machines. So beware he of the daft username, he knows not what he does... well not at the moment anyway. Newsroom UnTune of the week I'm Ready To Bowl Right Now

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~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:12, July 28, 2011 (UTC)

FFW

Hey, man, just a heads up - FFW tagging ended on the 28th, so you'll have to go back to the usual assortment of tags now. Thanks. 1234 ~ 18:26, 31 July 2011

Yeah, I wasn't sure when it ended so I figured if it'd already ended someone would tell me. And look, here you are, telling me. -- 18:32, July 31, 2011 (UTC)

ChiefjusticeDS is a lazy sod and has paid the ultimate price... an UnSignpost Coup

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Sucking Journalism's Fat Wang. Badly.

August 6th, 2011 • Issue 132 • Happy Thursday Saturday

Abandon Ship. Uncyclopedia is sinking. By Frosty Perhaps the very reason why am I writing the UnSignpost for you this week and that it is unforgivably two days late will be the main topic for this weeks top story. And that is that quite simply, everybody is leaving Uncyclopedia. Many of our long time users (If you haven't left yourself!) agree that it was Mordillo that started that unfortunate trend way back in March of this year. Of course everyone was saddened we paid our respects and moved on, nobody thought it would expand to the hip new trend it was become. Because quite frankly I personally believe most users are simply leaving us for the lulz. We were of course saddened as we watch MrN9000, SPIKE, Hyperbole, PuppyOnTheRadio, Under user, Todd Lyons, Lyrithya and our UnSignpost editor and many others whom are either not important enough or I simply forget to mention. Which brings us to the question as to why they are all leaving. Whether its because they've finally got a life, a job and a girlfriend or their simply grumpy with us all doesn't matter. What really matters is you're still here which I am very thankful for <3. All hail your new UnSignpost editor. By Frosty Simply because nobody ever submits any story ideas or suggestions like you are supposed it leaves it up to the editor to improvise on the spot. Something which this re-leaving editor is really poor at. Instead he is going to simply whre about how is a better writer than the normal writer. He is better simply due to his profound ability to whore out two bullshit stories that any sane person could see a blatant attempt to fill empty white space. Partically true I guess. When I got appointed this task by This guy , I though what could I possibly write about? Forest Fire Week? VFS? How the beloved editor won three awards last month? Well quite simply telling the story of how I arrived at this thrilling yet totally stupid story seemed like the obvious alternative, and if you read this whole thing. Hail Frosty!

Check out these pages! Petition Uncyclopedia is the worst! Why we should ban Lollipop from making feature nominations. After the fire From our logs: 09:54, August 3, 2011 Olipro (Talk | contribs) blocked ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (UnSignpost Rule of Bans: every issue contains at least 1 ban entry by ChiefjusticeDS - what a narcissist.) 01:00, August 2, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked Sanns sock (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (HI SANNSE!) 09:13, July 31, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked EugeneKay (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 5 months ‎ (See you later) 09:04, July 31, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) changed block settings for 66.39.194.156 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 year (account creation disabled) ‎ (DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU) 00:49, August 2, 2011 Sannse (Talk | contribs) blocked UPjcm (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 minutes ‎ (Not being Zombiebaron: A volunteer bannee for testing! (thanks :)) Lollipop Lollipop demanded I mention him. Whore to him here.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:11, August 6, 2011 (UTC)