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41,146 Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron
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It's been 25 years since your grandmother died and I remembered how you cried like a little pussy as she wasted away into an emaciated pile of death. She'd bring us lemonade with a smile hiding her loneliness (being a widow and all from your grandfather's freak unexpected death). I think I deserved her love more than you but, you know, she was your grandma. I think she loved me more than she loved you, but I never said that because that would be an asshole move, and I love you brah, would never be a dick to you.
We were young and awesome (especially me) with no idea about the hardships that would come with adult life. That is why I found it kind of hilarious to see her helpless in her hospital bed gagging on a tube. The irony is that she lived a selfless life and yet the universe didn't care. She spent her last days are with a tube down her throat unable to breathe. Of course I didn't laugh out loud (even though it was super funny), because that would have been terribly insensitive and I am a deeply caring awesome guy, especially when you are concerned. So I waited 10 years until I thought you'd be receptive to the hysterical comedic nature of that scene watching Grandma rot away in pain. Wasn't it a classic hoot? (Full article...)
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Did you know...
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- ... that while I have no idea what this means, all I know is that I just lost my life savings while some other guy just bought his fifth yacht? (Pictured)
- ... that 90% of all video game high scores are set by one guy called "AAA"?
- ... that when it says "Do not try at home", it actually means "Do not try this at all"?
- ... that if we used a language without homonyms, a certain type of pun would be impossible, and thereby much gaiety would be lost?
- ... that many children in third world countries don't have enough to eat, but most have access to the Food Network?
- ... that 100% of divorces start with marriage?
- ... that dihydrogen monoxide is a substance found in car exhaust, pesticides, acid rain, and your energy drink?
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In the news
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On this day...
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Writer and Noob of the Month
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Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!
So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.
Let us all clap for him because I said so.
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