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Terraforming is the hypothetical process by which a planetary body's properties are modified to allow for the building of Costco Wholesale retail stores there. The process was first proposed by astronomer Carl Sagan, who wanted to build a Costco on Venus, as his local Costco was far too crowded, especially on the weekends, making it unsafe to drive in the parking lot. It's generally agreed that humanity has neither the technology nor the societal will to sustain such a gargantuanly expensive venture. Still, this hasn't stopped engineers and scientists from speculating how best to build a Costco on other planets. (Full article...)

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Did you know...

... that Albert Einstein's likeness has been used to sell pornography? (Pictured)

... that nobody can describe what a simile is like?
... that removing the rubber bands from the claws of a Lobster can result in oh god get it off get it OFF OH GOD MY FACE!
... that the road to hell is identical to the stairs to heaven, but with elevator music and traffic?
... that 98% of Americans have no idea what they would do in a hypothetical situation?
... that, despite the invention of the doorbell, knock-knock jokes have yet to be replaced by ding-dong jokes?
... that doody played a very important role in the development of quantum physics?

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In the news
Great mealy-mouthed meatballs! New Easter Bunny is a fascist (Pictured) 4chan hacked, nobody cares Vatican commits simony YouTube child educator Ms. Rachel detained and deported by ICE Scientists revive some dead wolves because they can Steve's Lava Chicken shut down due to health code violations Wayne Gretzky's all-time regular season goal record broken by Putin's Instagram buddyboo Donald Trump receives prestigious award for destroying the stock market Kid (and ball) escape narrow car crash Robert F. Kennedy Jr. engulfs every panda bear in existence Kardashian and Ye do washed up things Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Silksong, and Deltarune • Eurovision • Russian Invasion • Israel-Palestine conflict • DOGE budget cuts • Everyone ditching some Disney live-action remake for A Minecraft Movie • Trump and Xi's tariff games • The IRS hunting late tax payers Recent deaths: Meghan Markle's Netflix show • Kurt from Good Burger • George Foreman • 23andMe • Bruce Glover • Richard Chamberlain • Roger Daltrey's eyes and ears • Val Kilmer • Yoon Suk Yeol's presidency and freedom • Your 401K • Jay North • Columbus Blue Jackets' playoff bid Upcoming deaths: U.S. and Global Economy • Luigi Mangione • Kate Middleton • Laura Palmer • DEI • Gawr Gura • Google's ad monopoly UnNews – Radio Free Lunch
On this day...
April 19: Clitoris Awareness Day 1559 - Scholars at the University of Padua, Italy, discover the first clitoris in recorded history. 1775 - In a New York study on sexual behavior, researchers find the clitoris to be more important to sexual pleasure than the actual vagina, small penises find new hope. 1913 - The sale of vibrators are banned in France, due to electrical grid overload issues. 1957 - Oral sex becomes a popular alternative to intercourse, condom sales decline. 1998 - Windows 98 is released, memory leaks in the OS cause Bill Gates to be declared the world's "Biggest Clitoris". (Pictured) 1999 - Bill Clinton has a threesome and sorely disappoints, policy wonks tells Americans not to jump to conclusions. 2011 - Aperture Science launches new official holiday, supposedly better than Christmas. View tomorrow – More anniversaries...

Today's featured picture

GI Jew: The Movie is a 2006 remake of the classic Torah! Torah! Torah! of 1967 fame. The remake underwent many names before GI Jew was chosen, including Hebrews with Hutzpah and Israel is Real.

Image credit: RadicalX
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Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

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