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The Buffalo Bills are a "professional" football "team". Their home is in Buffalo, New York. They are widely regarded as one of the most successful NFL franchises to exist ever. Their only championships where in 1964 and 1965 when they won two AFL titles. However, the Bills have not won any championships since the AFL–NFL merger, a move that many now consider "a huge fuck up". They were owned by a 93-year-old zombie man who refused to die named Ralph Wilson. In 2014 Wilson finally kicked the bucket, fucking zombie! Buffalo Sabres owner, oil fracker, and resident idiot Terry Pegula bought the team.

The Buffalo Bills are named after Buffalo Bill, a friendly man who lived in the woods all by himself. He would have guests over frequently where they would stay in a well he constructed in his home. They would stay for several days putting lotion on their skin. Bill then proceeded to skin them alive and wear their skin. The founders of the Bills felt this sort of behavior was admirable.(Full article...)

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Did you know...

... that in another time and place Rod Serling existed as a discarded cardboard cutout on the set of the Twilight Zone? (Pictured)

... that it's a surprisingly simple process to starting your own religion? (Pictured)

... that Billie Jean was not Michael Jackson's lover but Macaluey Culkin was?
... that the packets of silica gel that say "DO NOT EAT" are actually delicious?
... that the amazing sensation of excruciatingly warm liquid on the genitals is just one of many reasons to pour boiling hot water down your trousers?
... that apparently, this Charles Norris fellow is quite the ruffian?
... the IRS is asking what's love got to do with your taxes?
... that en passant is actually French for "inventing new rules as you go along?"
... Altaïr has excelled in the tactics of fooling the mentally challenged?

... that Canadian baseball (Pictured) is a thing?

... that half of all American schoolchildren graduate in the bottom 50% of their class?
... that people residing or visiting Canada often ask themselves, "Why am I in Canada?"
... that the White House is really off-white?
... that rounding up sheep is easiest to the nearest ten?
... that Barns and Nobles is the most successful medieval farming roleplaying game, played by millions of teenage nerds worldwide?
... that your baby boy would one day walk on water?
... that a bomb shelter is the safest place to hide explosives?

... that Pennywise the Clown wants to entertain you? (Pictured)

... that a rose by any other name would be called something else?
... taht wrods and snetnces are raedalbe eevn wehn tehy are toatlly fckued up?
... that someone reading Uncyclopedia has an erection right now, even though we barely have pornographic content?
... that this is why we can't have nice things?
... that you actually didn't know?
…that it’s offensive to call them “black pencils” and we should call them “pencils of colour isntead”?
... that in some parts of Europe, glory holes are preferred to bidets?

... that the Deep-fried Mars Bar is responsible for the deaths of thousands in Scotland? (Pictured)

... that the light at the end of the tunnel is commonly reported to be a strobe light accented with techno?
... that removing the rubber bands from the claws of a Lobster can result in oh god get it off get it OFF OH GOD MY FACE!
... that babies explode when you put them in the microwave?
... that sheep shrink when it rains?
... there's a ninja behind you but it left when you turned around?
... Altaïr has excelled in the tactics of fooling the mentally challenged?
... that Liechtenstein is completely pointless?

... that no, doing this does not make your incompetence any less obvious? (Pictured)

...Funkytown was a Scientology commune in the 60s?
... that Mercury is not a miracle substance and does not cure AIDS?
... that the sport of Water Polo can be greatly improved with the addition of sharks?
... that air is a fictional substance that was once believed to fill the space above the surface of the Earth? While this "air theory" was once used to explain various phenomena, air theory, at last refuted, has joined the gene, the atom, Antarctica, and the free lunch in a long list of scientific red herrings.
... there's a ninja behind you but it left when you turned around?
... that Hitler killed himself out of fear of Soviet capture and torture, not because he saw the gas bill?
... that less than 10% of the world's cactus population contains gold inside?

... that there's only a slight difference between you and me? (Pictured)

... that ten out of ten cigarette manufacturers agree that Cancer is great?
... that on average, humans have less than 2 legs?
... that 100% of people who are rushed to the hospital will die?
... that this in not a DYK entry?
... that the amount of cats in the area is directly proportionate to the distance from the Hot Dog factory?
... that you can always pay your credit card bills using your credit card?
... that it is important to tune your Air Guitar constantly, as any dust particles that stick to the complicated arrangement of air will completely deform it?

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In the news
Chuck Norris didn't die, Death got Chuck Norris'd. World shocked as Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the bucket (Pictured) Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize Iran kept barely alive by Cardboard Ayatollah Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Donald Trump *still really, really* wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • ~~War~~ Special Combat Operation in Iran • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed • March Madness Elite Eight Recent deaths: Xander Harris • Robert Mueller • Transgender self-identity in India • DMV-based sitcom canned after people realize they can watch literally anything else • Mr. Strickland • C.B. Buckner's carreer as an MLB ump Upcoming deaths: Iran • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons • Streetsigns with Cesar Chavez's name • Sora • Tiger Woods' driver's license and career.. fuck it, his life can go too UnNews – Radio Free Lunch**
On this day...
March 30: International Cleavage Day 13B BC - God creates the Milky Way after squeezing stellar matter out of her insanely big knockers. 1692 - Twelve women are burned at the stake for inciting men to sin with their exposed bra straps. 1867 - America buys Alaska from the Russians because of its stiff Mountain peaks and vast tracts of fertile land. 1945 - Woman wears clothing that shows cleavage. The husband beats her. 1950 - The first film in Indonesia gets released, known for having at least one uncensored boob scene. 1977 - Marvel Comics designs a bra with a nipple window, claims its a proud Kryptonian tradition. 2012 - Big butts are now in! But you still can't be more than 120 pounds. Hey, I don't make the rules. View tomorrow – More anniversaries...

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Experts advise against chlorinating the jean pool, as it causes the dye to bleed, and acid-washed jeans haven't been cool since '86.

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