Today's featured article
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Uncyclopedia is proud to present an exclusive, never before published column by Chuck Norris.
Recently a debate aired on ABC's Nightline pitting popular theists, Ray Comfort and Kirk Cameron, against two reviled atheists from the "Rational" Response Squad, which is also reviled. This testifies to the growing number (30 million people) of fools who profess there is no God. Add to that what I believe is possibly three times that number of functional atheists, those who believe in a God but don't show it (as True Christians® do, by voting Republican, wearing little American flag pins and putting Jesus fish on the tailgates of their pickup trucks), and patriotic Americans in America are facing a new religious horizon in which atheism is becoming a formidable foe.
Shockingly, although the majority of Americans continue to claim to be Christians, a Gallup poll discovered that forty-five percent of the population would support an atheist for President. Such a survey is a clear indication that the secularization of our Christian nation is alive and well. Secularization, if you are not aware, will signal the end of America as we know it. For example, soon the secular government, blinded by their lack of common Christian decency, will (as they did with public schools) banish the Bible from the White House, before banning it in church and eventually outlawing it in your very own home! Will real Americans continue to stand for this outrage? I pray to the Lord, no. (Full article...)
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- ... that dihydrogen monoxide can kill you, specially if you breathe it?
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- ... that "Rosebud" was his sled? Oh wait, everyone knew that.
- ... that Billie Jean was not Michael Jackson's lover but Macaluey Culkin was?
- ... that 90% of all video game high scores are set by one guy called "AAA"?
- ... that sarcasm is a higher form of wit than the Russian Reversal?
- ... that Hitler killed himself out of fear of Soviet capture and torture, not because he saw the gas bill?
 - ... that back in my day, we didn't have no fancy Did you know sections on our wikis? We had to get all of our factoids from the library, like decent folk! And after we walked there barefoot across three counties 'cause bicycles hadn't been invented yet, we had to teach ourselves how to read the books - none of that fancy free-contents education you kids're all on about...
- ... that every time you shoot yourself in the head, someone somewhere in the world dies?
- ... that less than 10% of the world's cactus population contains gold inside?
- ... that Elon Musk plots to monetarily obtain Madagascar for the industrialization of Tesla manufacturing plants, alongside having it renamed "Mada-electric-car"?
- ... that Euroipods is a website giving away free ipods in return for completing offers and reffering freinds to do the same?
- ... that Boston Bruins goaltender Gerry Cheevers was one of the most feared hockey players in the so-called "stick to the groin" era?
- ... that the Byzantine Empire is pretty much the same as the Roman Empire, only not as cool?
 - ... that dihydrogen monoxide can kill you, specially if you breathe it?
- ... that virgins are actually alien beings with zero sex organs, and reproduce via telekinesis?
- ... that "Rosebud" was his sled? Oh wait, everyone knew that.
- ... that Billie Jean was not Michael Jackson's lover but Macaluey Culkin was?
- ... that 90% of all video game high scores are set by one guy called "AAA"?
- ... that sarcasm is a higher form of wit than the Russian Reversal?
- ... that Hitler killed himself out of fear of Soviet capture and torture, not because he saw the gas bill?
- ... that back in my day, we didn't have no fancy Did you know sections on our wikis? We had to get all of our factoids from the library, like decent folk! And after we walked there barefoot across three counties 'cause bicycles hadn't been invented yet, we had to teach ourselves how to read the books - none of that fancy free-contents education you kids're all on about...
- ... that every time you shoot yourself in the head, someone somewhere in the world dies?
- ... that less than 10% of the world's cactus population contains gold inside?
- ... that Elon Musk plots to monetarily obtain Madagascar for the industrialization of Tesla manufacturing plants, alongside having it renamed "Mada-electric-car"?
- ... that Euroipods is a website giving away free ipods in return for completing offers and reffering freinds to do the same?
- ... that Boston Bruins goaltender Gerry Cheevers was one of the most feared hockey players in the so-called "stick to the groin" era?
- ... that the Byzantine Empire is pretty much the same as the Roman Empire, only not as cool?
- ... that dihydrogen monoxide can kill you, specially if you breathe it?
- ... that virgins are actually alien beings with zero sex organs, and reproduce via telekinesis?
- ... that "Rosebud" was his sled? Oh wait, everyone knew that.
- ... that Billie Jean was not Michael Jackson's lover but Macaluey Culkin was?
- ... that 90% of all video game high scores are set by one guy called "AAA"?
- ... that sarcasm is a higher form of wit than the Russian Reversal?
- ... that Hitler killed himself out of fear of Soviet capture and torture, not because he saw the gas bill?
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