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[The Teletubbies are eating their custard breakfast] LAA-LAA: How many pounds of custard are we talkin' here? DIPSY: We're talking, like... at least 500 pounds of custard in that vault. TINKY WINKY: No shit? That's a whole lot of fuckin' custard. That would do wonders for our business, man. PO: You guys remember that motherfucker, Noo-Noo? Little vacuum thing? Baby Sun told me he's already got information regarding the joint. TINKY WINKY: Noo-Noo? We worked with him once and I nearly fuckin' died cause of it, remember? His goddamn battery started overheating and he almost exploded! How can we be sure he's reliable for a job as big as this? (Full article...) Recently featured: UnScripts:Quentin Tarantino's Teletubbies Pikmin Archive · Vote for featured articles · Did you know... *... that forgetting to carry the one is the leading cause of disaster for world domination plans? ... that Heaven has met its quota, and your dead granny has just been waitlisted? ... that forgetting to carry the one is the leading cause of disaster for world domination plans? ... that Heaven has met its quota, and your dead granny has just been waitlisted? ... that forgetting to carry the one is the leading cause of disaster for world domination plans?	In the news Ship captain who wrecked Baltimore bridge defeated by Upstate New York bridge (Pictured) NFL imposes speed limit and bans trick plays Forecast calls for a leapin' Lousy Smarch weather Larry David gets Hinkled by Anti-Israel Protesters Taylor Swift's favorite NFL team wins rigged Super Bowl, big whoop Elon Musk plants brain chip into first human guinea pig Climate activists ruin Jackson Pollock painting, no one notices Stalemate in Ukraine: Zelenskyy flees for greener pastures Steamboat Willie enters public domain, several Mickey Mouse horror films and games announced Santa's Elves on strike UnNews finally able to write obituaries for Shaft, Bull and Chandler Will Barbenheimer beat JigSaw in his own game? Ongoing: Russian Invasion · ABBA Recent deaths: Akira Toriyama · M. Emmet Walsh · Louis Gossett Jr. · Hype around the eclipse · O. J. Simpson Upcoming deaths: Kris Kristofferson · Jimmy Carter · Vladimir Putin · The U.S. Federal Budget · Richard Simmons · Kate Middleton · Market demand for White Broncos · God's curse on the Buffalo Bills (..maybe) On this day... April 27: When Pigs Fly Day (Chile) 1368 - The Big Bad Wolf is found guilty of vandalism and mouth robbery, and is sentenced to 30 hours of social work. 1509 - Pope Julius II places the Italian state of Venice under interdict. The interdict arose from finding the state warm and moist. 1520 - Magellan arrives in the Philippines. The locals invite him in for some dinner. 1555 - You are born, but die of cholera by age eight. You don't remember this previous life because you were born a moron. 1945 - USA and USSR meet for the first time in Germany, starting a love affair to last several decades. 1949 - Texas becomes the first US State to outlaw Cheese, following the discovery of a Soviet covert cheddar ring operating in Houston. 1966 - NASA scientists propose using Dusty Springfield's 11-mile tall bouffant to get to the moon. 2011 - Pigs are observed actually flying in the Southern United States.
Today's featured picture Darth Vader was the only spawn of Qui-Gon-Jinn, a legendary intergalactic televangelist who made millions on the planet Naboo curing toasters of inflammation. During his reign as King of Iceland, Darth Vader often took time off to endorse a variety of things, including the Segway. Image credit: RadicalX View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images
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Writer and Noob of the Month Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome! So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore. Let us all clap for him because I said so. Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage! Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls. Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners You now only have 3, god dammit, 3 days to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month! Get voting!

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