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Today's featured corpse

Clown alledgedly threatened by Bryce Von Deenis.

COEUR D'COEURS, USA -- Several circus performers at the local Barry Sonnenfeld & Bryan Fuller Shrine Circus have died under mysterious circumstances. According to one such victim, a mime who was brought back from the dead for 60 seconds by a local piemaker named Ned, a man named Bryce Von Deenis threatened to kill several clowns for making a dirty limerick about his last name. (More)

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Did you know...

... that Kilroy was here? (Pictured)

... that Oscar Mayer has a way with B-O-L-O-G-N-A?
... that Hitler killed himself out of fear of Soviet capture and torture, not because he saw the gas bill?
... that there's a tunnel under Ocean Blvd?
... that pillow fighting is a violent trend among the world's pillow population, and must be stopped?
... that in Spanish, "¡Chinga tu madre, cabrón!" means "Have a nice day"? Tell your friends!
... pole dancing was introduced to Egyptian culture by Cleopatra?
... that Witch-Hunting For Fun and Profit has mostly turned into Witch-Hunting For Fun in this modern era of cheaply produced Chinese assembly line witches?

... that tickle fights are a common occurrence in soccer? (Pictured)

... that NASA will one day send sharks to space?
... that I Kissed a Girl and I Liked It was written by a computer?
... that if you poke a whale in the tummy it will giggle like a schoolgirl?
... that I am inside your walls?
... that the French Revolution was just a rip-off of the American Revolution?
... that the packets of silica gel that say "DO NOT EAT" are actually delicious?
... that nobody asked?

... that Kilroy was here? (Pictured)

... that Oscar Mayer has a way with B-O-L-O-G-N-A?
... that Hitler killed himself out of fear of Soviet capture and torture, not because he saw the gas bill?
... that there's a tunnel under Ocean Blvd?
... that pillow fighting is a violent trend among the world's pillow population, and must be stopped?
... that in Spanish, "¡Chinga tu madre, cabrón!" means "Have a nice day"? Tell your friends!
... pole dancing was introduced to Egyptian culture by Cleopatra?
... that Witch-Hunting For Fun and Profit has mostly turned into Witch-Hunting For Fun in this modern era of cheaply produced Chinese assembly line witches?

... that tickle fights are a common occurrence in soccer? (Pictured)

... that NASA will one day send sharks to space?
... that I Kissed a Girl and I Liked It was written by a computer?
... that if you poke a whale in the tummy it will giggle like a schoolgirl?
... that I am inside your walls?
... that the French Revolution was just a rip-off of the American Revolution?
... that the packets of silica gel that say "DO NOT EAT" are actually delicious?
... that nobody asked?

... that Kilroy was here? (Pictured)

... that Oscar Mayer has a way with B-O-L-O-G-N-A?
... that Hitler killed himself out of fear of Soviet capture and torture, not because he saw the gas bill?
... that there's a tunnel under Ocean Blvd?
... that pillow fighting is a violent trend among the world's pillow population, and must be stopped?
... that in Spanish, "¡Chinga tu madre, cabrón!" means "Have a nice day"? Tell your friends!
... pole dancing was introduced to Egyptian culture by Cleopatra?
... that Witch-Hunting For Fun and Profit has mostly turned into Witch-Hunting For Fun in this modern era of cheaply produced Chinese assembly line witches?

... that tickle fights are a common occurrence in soccer? (Pictured)

... that NASA will one day send sharks to space?
... that I Kissed a Girl and I Liked It was written by a computer?
... that if you poke a whale in the tummy it will giggle like a schoolgirl?
... that I am inside your walls?
... that the French Revolution was just a rip-off of the American Revolution?
... that the packets of silica gel that say "DO NOT EAT" are actually delicious?
... that nobody asked?

... that Kilroy was here? (Pictured)

... that Oscar Mayer has a way with B-O-L-O-G-N-A?
... that Hitler killed himself out of fear of Soviet capture and torture, not because he saw the gas bill?
... that there's a tunnel under Ocean Blvd?
... that pillow fighting is a violent trend among the world's pillow population, and must be stopped?
... that in Spanish, "¡Chinga tu madre, cabrón!" means "Have a nice day"? Tell your friends!
... pole dancing was introduced to Egyptian culture by Cleopatra?
... that Witch-Hunting For Fun and Profit has mostly turned into Witch-Hunting For Fun in this modern era of cheaply produced Chinese assembly line witches?

Old pies – Suggest new pies

Latest murders
Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize (Pictured) Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Donald Trump *still really, really* wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • ~~War~~ Special Combat Operation in Iran • Winter Paralympics • Saturn Awards • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed Recent deaths: Warner Bros. bidding war • Neil Sedaka • Ali Khamenei • Team Italy sled hockey • Miami Dolphins • That guy from Boston. The band, not the city. But isn't the band from the city? Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • Weed • Dancin' Maduro • Iran • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons Murder News – Free Lunch at the Pie Hole**
Past murders...
March 12: Indecent Exposure Day 1504 - Michelangelo's David lambasted by contemporary Italian critics for being insufficiently endowed (Pictured). 1923 - Mankind declares war on the rainforest after a tree lands on my infant boy, you are dead to me trees dead to me. 1962 - Beach bums take over much of Southern California, rendering it uninhabitable for decades. 1982 - Hospital administrators announce that disco has slipped into a coma and not expected to survive. 1994 - The Church of England allows women to become priests, but only on Sundays. 2011 - A Nuclear power plant in Japan explodes after massive earthquake and tsunami, Japanese children are born kinda fat now: coincidence? View tomorrow – More murders...
Pie of the Week
For the glory of her majesty Help us bring back murder victims, and plant the seeds of daisies.

Today's featured pie

Robert Frost has conveyed in a very detailed image about The Road Not Taken.

Image credit: Gneomi
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Detective and Piemaker of the Month

Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.

Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!

Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.

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