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Today's featured corpse

Clown alledgedly threatened by Bryce Von Deenis.

COEUR D'COEURS, USA -- Several circus performers at the local Barry Sonnenfeld & Bryan Fuller Shrine Circus have died under mysterious circumstances. According to one such victim, a mime who was brought back from the dead for 60 seconds by a local piemaker named Ned, a man named Bryce Von Deenis threatened to kill several clowns for making a dirty limerick about his last name. (More)

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	Wheeling Jesuit University, featured on 4 April 2025: Featured version

Did you know...

... that 45% of Japan's electrical and nuclear power is produced by manual labor? (Pictured)

... that if Mommy is willing to lie about a freaky old dude who sneaks into children's bedrooms in the middle of the night to eat your cookies and drink your milk, she'll no doubt be willing to deceive you about everything else?
... that school is an asylum where they mentally and physically abuse you for seven cruel hours, all with your parents' approval?
... that if you put an ear up to a person's leg you can hear them say, "What the fuck are you doing?"
... that it's probably not the weekend (The chance is 5/7)?
... that St. Peter's Basilica is a large reptilian creature with breath of fire and a gaze that can turn people into stone?
... that there is one imposter among us?
... that over 30 million Chinese peasants died in the Great Leap Forwards due to inadequate long-jump scores?

... that the Easter Bunny must kill every 100 years? (Pictured)

... that I just had sex, and hey do you got any napkins?
... that the sky is up and the ground is down, except in Australia where the opposite is true?
... that school is an asylum where they mentally and physically abuse you for seven cruel hours, all with your parents' approval?
... that nobody asked?
... that Ann Coulter is a highly successful parody of right-wing political rhetoric?
... that Alaska's principle exports include snow, ice, frozen water, and permafrost?
... that in a world where movie trailers are crucial to a film's success... one man will provide his voice in innumerable trailers?

... that 45% of Japan's electrical and nuclear power is produced by manual labor? (Pictured)

... that if Mommy is willing to lie about a freaky old dude who sneaks into children's bedrooms in the middle of the night to eat your cookies and drink your milk, she'll no doubt be willing to deceive you about everything else?
... that school is an asylum where they mentally and physically abuse you for seven cruel hours, all with your parents' approval?
... that if you put an ear up to a person's leg you can hear them say, "What the fuck are you doing?"
... that it's probably not the weekend (The chance is 5/7)?
... that St. Peter's Basilica is a large reptilian creature with breath of fire and a gaze that can turn people into stone?
... that there is one imposter among us?
... that over 30 million Chinese peasants died in the Great Leap Forwards due to inadequate long-jump scores?

... that the Easter Bunny must kill every 100 years? (Pictured)

... that I just had sex, and hey do you got any napkins?
... that the sky is up and the ground is down, except in Australia where the opposite is true?
... that school is an asylum where they mentally and physically abuse you for seven cruel hours, all with your parents' approval?
... that nobody asked?
... that Ann Coulter is a highly successful parody of right-wing political rhetoric?
... that Alaska's principle exports include snow, ice, frozen water, and permafrost?
... that in a world where movie trailers are crucial to a film's success... one man will provide his voice in innumerable trailers?

... that 45% of Japan's electrical and nuclear power is produced by manual labor? (Pictured)

... that if Mommy is willing to lie about a freaky old dude who sneaks into children's bedrooms in the middle of the night to eat your cookies and drink your milk, she'll no doubt be willing to deceive you about everything else?
... that school is an asylum where they mentally and physically abuse you for seven cruel hours, all with your parents' approval?
... that if you put an ear up to a person's leg you can hear them say, "What the fuck are you doing?"
... that it's probably not the weekend (The chance is 5/7)?
... that St. Peter's Basilica is a large reptilian creature with breath of fire and a gaze that can turn people into stone?
... that there is one imposter among us?
... that over 30 million Chinese peasants died in the Great Leap Forwards due to inadequate long-jump scores?

... that the Easter Bunny must kill every 100 years? (Pictured)

... that I just had sex, and hey do you got any napkins?
... that the sky is up and the ground is down, except in Australia where the opposite is true?
... that school is an asylum where they mentally and physically abuse you for seven cruel hours, all with your parents' approval?
... that nobody asked?
... that Ann Coulter is a highly successful parody of right-wing political rhetoric?
... that Alaska's principle exports include snow, ice, frozen water, and permafrost?
... that in a world where movie trailers are crucial to a film's success... one man will provide his voice in innumerable trailers?

... that 45% of Japan's electrical and nuclear power is produced by manual labor? (Pictured)

... that if Mommy is willing to lie about a freaky old dude who sneaks into children's bedrooms in the middle of the night to eat your cookies and drink your milk, she'll no doubt be willing to deceive you about everything else?
... that school is an asylum where they mentally and physically abuse you for seven cruel hours, all with your parents' approval?
... that if you put an ear up to a person's leg you can hear them say, "What the fuck are you doing?"
... that it's probably not the weekend (The chance is 5/7)?
... that St. Peter's Basilica is a large reptilian creature with breath of fire and a gaze that can turn people into stone?
... that there is one imposter among us?
... that over 30 million Chinese peasants died in the Great Leap Forwards due to inadequate long-jump scores?

Old pies – Suggest new pies

Latest murders
Chuck Norris didn't die, Death got Chuck Norris'd. Trump talks to America on Iran, Chuck Norris, the Moon, March Madness, and firing Pam Bondi World shocked as Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the bucket (Pictured) Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize Iran kept barely alive by Cardboard Ayatollah Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • ~~War~~ Special Combat Operation in Iran • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed • March Madness Final Four Recent deaths: Robert Mueller • Transgender self-identity in India • Mr. Strickland • C.B. Buckner's carreer as an MLB ump • Duke's basketball season • Jesus Upcoming deaths: Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons • Streetsigns with Cesar Chavez's name • Sora • Tiger Woods' driver's license and career.. fuck it, his life can go too • Holostars JP Murder News – Free Lunch at the Pie Hole
Past murders...
April 4: National No Spamming Day (Iraq) 3141 BC - The world's first great pi was baked. It took $\pi$ years to eat. 1949 - Iceland's blundered declaration of war on the USA leads to the accidental formation of NATO. 1503 - Disneyland Central America opens in the Aztec city of Tenochtitlan. 1975 - You really should have bought shares in Microsoft, which was formed on this day. 1984 - President Ronald Reagan calls for an international ban on something or other, oh hell I can't remember. (Pictured) 2001 - The butterfly effect is proved in an ingenious experiment, causing devastating hurricane damage in China. 2002 - Actor Mickey Rooney begins his process of decomposition. View tomorrow – More murders...
Pie of the Week
For the glory of her majesty Help us bring back murder victims, and plant the seeds of daisies.

Today's featured pie

The Lego JFK Assassination Set was the top selling toy of 1963. Collectors have been known to pay up to twenty-seven dollars on eBay.

Image credit: Sliferjam
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