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Today's featured corpse

Clown alledgedly threatened by Bryce Von Deenis.

COEUR D'COEURS, USA -- Several circus performers at the local Barry Sonnenfeld & Bryan Fuller Shrine Circus have died under mysterious circumstances. According to one such victim, a mime who was brought back from the dead for 60 seconds by a local piemaker named Ned, a man named Bryce Von Deenis threatened to kill several clowns for making a dirty limerick about his last name. (More)

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Yesterday's featured corpse

Did you know...

... that Kilroy was here? (Pictured)

... that condoms prevent many sexually transmitted diseases, and at least one erection? Sorry Candace...
... that Phonics (pronounced Pa-hon-iks.) is one of the deadliest and most addictive drugs on the streets? It is said to get children "hooked" in four weeks or your money back.
... that Heaven has met its quota, and your dead granny has just been waitlisted?
... that nobody can describe what a simile is like?
... that on 17 June 2007, Britain was mercilessly hit by an attack of 'falling water'?
... that the populations of many endangered species can be increased with a simple Wikipedia edit?
... that Jackson Pollock is the Jackson Pollock of painting?

... that the Silver Surfer has a very large family? (Pictured)

... that your baby boy would one day walk on water?
... that rounding up sheep is easiest to the nearest ten?
... that Bruce Lee could juggle two balls with his penis?
... that I just had sex, and hey do you got any napkins?
... that Iran is all set to invade itself?
... that on average, humans have less than 2 legs?
... that Stupendous Tropical Meningitis Vaccination A, the sister drug to Stupendous Tropical Meningitis Vaccination B, is very effective against Stupendous Tropical Meningitis?

... that Kilroy was here? (Pictured)

... that condoms prevent many sexually transmitted diseases, and at least one erection? Sorry Candace...
... that Phonics (pronounced Pa-hon-iks.) is one of the deadliest and most addictive drugs on the streets? It is said to get children "hooked" in four weeks or your money back.
... that Heaven has met its quota, and your dead granny has just been waitlisted?
... that nobody can describe what a simile is like?
... that on 17 June 2007, Britain was mercilessly hit by an attack of 'falling water'?
... that the populations of many endangered species can be increased with a simple Wikipedia edit?
... that Jackson Pollock is the Jackson Pollock of painting?

... that the Silver Surfer has a very large family? (Pictured)

... that your baby boy would one day walk on water?
... that rounding up sheep is easiest to the nearest ten?
... that Bruce Lee could juggle two balls with his penis?
... that I just had sex, and hey do you got any napkins?
... that Iran is all set to invade itself?
... that on average, humans have less than 2 legs?
... that Stupendous Tropical Meningitis Vaccination A, the sister drug to Stupendous Tropical Meningitis Vaccination B, is very effective against Stupendous Tropical Meningitis?

... that Kilroy was here? (Pictured)

... that condoms prevent many sexually transmitted diseases, and at least one erection? Sorry Candace...
... that Phonics (pronounced Pa-hon-iks.) is one of the deadliest and most addictive drugs on the streets? It is said to get children "hooked" in four weeks or your money back.
... that Heaven has met its quota, and your dead granny has just been waitlisted?
... that nobody can describe what a simile is like?
... that on 17 June 2007, Britain was mercilessly hit by an attack of 'falling water'?
... that the populations of many endangered species can be increased with a simple Wikipedia edit?
... that Jackson Pollock is the Jackson Pollock of painting?

... that the Silver Surfer has a very large family? (Pictured)

... that your baby boy would one day walk on water?
... that rounding up sheep is easiest to the nearest ten?
... that Bruce Lee could juggle two balls with his penis?
... that I just had sex, and hey do you got any napkins?
... that Iran is all set to invade itself?
... that on average, humans have less than 2 legs?
... that Stupendous Tropical Meningitis Vaccination A, the sister drug to Stupendous Tropical Meningitis Vaccination B, is very effective against Stupendous Tropical Meningitis?

... that Kilroy was here? (Pictured)

... that condoms prevent many sexually transmitted diseases, and at least one erection? Sorry Candace...
... that Phonics (pronounced Pa-hon-iks.) is one of the deadliest and most addictive drugs on the streets? It is said to get children "hooked" in four weeks or your money back.
... that Heaven has met its quota, and your dead granny has just been waitlisted?
... that nobody can describe what a simile is like?
... that on 17 June 2007, Britain was mercilessly hit by an attack of 'falling water'?
... that the populations of many endangered species can be increased with a simple Wikipedia edit?
... that Jackson Pollock is the Jackson Pollock of painting?

Old pies – Suggest new pies

Latest murders
Chuck Norris didn't die, Death got Chuck Norris'd. World shocked as Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the bucket (Pictured) Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize Iran kept barely alive by Cardboard Ayatollah Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Donald Trump *still really, really* wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • ~~War~~ Special Combat Operation in Iran • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed • March Madness Elite Eight Recent deaths: Xander Harris • Robert Mueller • Transgender self-identity in India • DMV-based sitcom canned after people realize they can watch literally anything else • Mr. Strickland • C.B. Buckner's carreer as an MLB ump Upcoming deaths: Iran • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons • Streetsigns with Cesar Chavez's name • Sora • Tiger Woods' driver's license and career.. fuck it, his life can go too Murder News – Free Lunch at the Pie Hole**
Past murders...
March 29: National Treason Day 30 AD - Judas Iscariot betrays his best friend Jesus for a Coke, gets a Pepsi from the Sanhedrin instead. Heartbroken, he hangs himself. 1792 - King Gustav III of Sweden is assassinated when conspirators remove the structural dowels in his HATTEFJÄLL office chair. 1847 - American troops sack the Mexican city of Veracruz, steal the secrets of the fish taco from its denizens. 1857 - Indian Sepoys mutiny against the British after being forced to endure their take on Indian cuisine. 1951 - Julius and Ethel Rosenberg are arrested for giving the Soviet Union secrets of the nuclear family. 1973 - William Calley, U.S. Army officer responsible for the My Lai Massacre, is given numerous high-fives for his "epic" K/D ratio. 2019 - The United Kingdom leaves the EU, as per the deal, the entire British Isles will be towed into the Bermuda Triangle. View tomorrow – More murders...
Pie of the Week
For the glory of her majesty Help us bring back murder victims, and plant the seeds of daisies.

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Now showing at all good Middle-Eastern warzones near you!

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Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

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