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Today's featured corpse

Clown alledgedly threatened by Bryce Von Deenis.

COEUR D'COEURS, USA -- Several circus performers at the local Barry Sonnenfeld & Bryan Fuller Shrine Circus have died under mysterious circumstances. According to one such victim, a mime who was brought back from the dead for 60 seconds by a local piemaker named Ned, a man named Bryce Von Deenis threatened to kill several clowns for making a dirty limerick about his last name. (More)

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Did you know...

... that in China, there is no MySpace, but a communist alternative? (Pictured)

... that the sky is up and the ground is down, except in Australia where the opposite is true?
... that the United States presidential election of 1948 saw the overwhelming defeat of then-President Harry S. Truman at the hands of Thomas Dewey, the Republican governor of New York and former partner in the law firm, Dewey, Cheatem & Howe?
... conjuction verb noun preposition article verb noun?
... that being safe with guns is- *BANG*
... tennis isn't just a game?
... that Big Pharma wants to get you high?
... that the Virgin Birth is no longer considered a miracle? Women have been giving birth to virgins for centuries!

... that What's-his-name off that thing (Pictured) was in that film with that other dude?

... that if you were to stack up all the elephants on Earth, those elephants would die?
... that neither cows nor foxes can run for governor in Wisconsin?
... that the concept of Hell dates back to ancient Egyptians' fear of sand burning your feet?
... that 100% of people who make good life choices die?
... that Stan Lee originally conceived the X-Men as a group of post-op transgenders?
... that I am writing this from beyond the grave?
... that telling someone you masturbated to their Facebook picture is frowned upon in society?

... that in China, there is no MySpace, but a communist alternative? (Pictured)

... that the sky is up and the ground is down, except in Australia where the opposite is true?
... that the United States presidential election of 1948 saw the overwhelming defeat of then-President Harry S. Truman at the hands of Thomas Dewey, the Republican governor of New York and former partner in the law firm, Dewey, Cheatem & Howe?
... conjuction verb noun preposition article verb noun?
... that being safe with guns is- *BANG*
... tennis isn't just a game?
... that Big Pharma wants to get you high?
... that the Virgin Birth is no longer considered a miracle? Women have been giving birth to virgins for centuries!

... that What's-his-name off that thing (Pictured) was in that film with that other dude?

... that if you were to stack up all the elephants on Earth, those elephants would die?
... that neither cows nor foxes can run for governor in Wisconsin?
... that the concept of Hell dates back to ancient Egyptians' fear of sand burning your feet?
... that 100% of people who make good life choices die?
... that Stan Lee originally conceived the X-Men as a group of post-op transgenders?
... that I am writing this from beyond the grave?
... that telling someone you masturbated to their Facebook picture is frowned upon in society?

... that in China, there is no MySpace, but a communist alternative? (Pictured)

... that the sky is up and the ground is down, except in Australia where the opposite is true?
... that the United States presidential election of 1948 saw the overwhelming defeat of then-President Harry S. Truman at the hands of Thomas Dewey, the Republican governor of New York and former partner in the law firm, Dewey, Cheatem & Howe?
... conjuction verb noun preposition article verb noun?
... that being safe with guns is- *BANG*
... tennis isn't just a game?
... that Big Pharma wants to get you high?
... that the Virgin Birth is no longer considered a miracle? Women have been giving birth to virgins for centuries!

... that What's-his-name off that thing (Pictured) was in that film with that other dude?

... that if you were to stack up all the elephants on Earth, those elephants would die?
... that neither cows nor foxes can run for governor in Wisconsin?
... that the concept of Hell dates back to ancient Egyptians' fear of sand burning your feet?
... that 100% of people who make good life choices die?
... that Stan Lee originally conceived the X-Men as a group of post-op transgenders?
... that I am writing this from beyond the grave?
... that telling someone you masturbated to their Facebook picture is frowned upon in society?

... that in China, there is no MySpace, but a communist alternative? (Pictured)

... that the sky is up and the ground is down, except in Australia where the opposite is true?
... that the United States presidential election of 1948 saw the overwhelming defeat of then-President Harry S. Truman at the hands of Thomas Dewey, the Republican governor of New York and former partner in the law firm, Dewey, Cheatem & Howe?
... conjuction verb noun preposition article verb noun?
... that being safe with guns is- *BANG*
... tennis isn't just a game?
... that Big Pharma wants to get you high?
... that the Virgin Birth is no longer considered a miracle? Women have been giving birth to virgins for centuries!

Old pies – Suggest new pies

Latest murders
Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize (Pictured) Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Donald Trump *still really, really* wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Ongoing: Privacy-infringing Nanny state officials enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • Fallout from the Epstein Files • ~~War~~ Special Combat Operation in Iran Recent deaths: Team Canada's pride • Some nerd named Robert Carradine • Warner Bros. bidding war • Neil Sedaka • Ali Khamenei Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • Weed • Dancin' Maduro • Iran Undetermined: Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Murder News – Free Lunch at the Pie Hole**
Past murders...
March 6: Roadkill Appreciation Day (North America & Australia) 3500 BC - In the first recorded instance of roadkill, Egyptian Pharaoh Ramses IV hits a small cat with his chariot. Shameful. 1869 - The first historical instance of so-called "cannibal roadkill" occurs when a horse-drawn buggy strikes a horse pulling a second buggy. 1934 - Hitler runs over a small ferret in his Volkswagen, precipitating his later invasion of Poland. 1962 - Julia Childs releases a groundbreaking roadkill culinary masterpiece titled Treadmarks and Tarragon. 1969 - President Nixon continues the Road Kill bombing over Vietnam. 1990 - Road Kill is officially the new Mystery Meat in school lunches. 1995 - Steve Ballmer runs over my dog after yelling at the top of his lungs "I'm going to fucking bury that dog. I've done it before and I will do it again. I'm going to Fucking Kill that dog." View tomorrow – More murders...
Pie of the Week
For the glory of her majesty Help us bring back murder victims, and plant the seeds of daisies.

Today's featured pie

DaVinci's Hewlett-Packard printer was to be the undoing of his most famous work, resulting in what art scholars have termed the "Mono Lisa."

Hewlett Packard were unavailable for comment as the CEO was busy discussing a merger with Ferrari to create the world's first petrol powered printer.
DaVinci is said to be in a closed door meeting with Dan Brown to discuss the implications of this event.
Image credit: Nonymous
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Detective and Piemaker of the Month

Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.

Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!

Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.

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