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Today's featured corpse

Clown alledgedly threatened by Bryce Von Deenis.

COEUR D'COEURS, USA -- Several circus performers at the local Barry Sonnenfeld & Bryan Fuller Shrine Circus have died under mysterious circumstances. According to one such victim, a mime who was brought back from the dead for 60 seconds by a local piemaker named Ned, a man named Bryce Von Deenis threatened to kill several clowns for making a dirty limerick about his last name. (More)

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Did you know...

... that male and female giraffes have been banned from living together in the New York City Zoo since 1975? (Pictured)

... that every time you blink, you get transported to another alternative Universe?
... that Earth has 1 sextillion grains of sand?
... that if you put an ear up to a person's leg you can hear them say, "What the fuck are you doing?"
... that Iran is all set to invade itself?
... that condoms prevent many sexually transmitted diseases, and at least one erection? Sorry Candace...
... that the lawman/outlaw Wild Bill Hickok had one of the most celebrated mustaches in the Wild West?
... that life is a sexually transmitted disease with a 100% fatality rate?

... that Kilroy was here? (Pictured)

... that Jackson Pollock is the Jackson Pollock of painting?
... that a simile is like a metaphor? And hyperbole is the greatest thing ever?
... that your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory?
... that 100% of divorces start with marriage?
... that Alexander isn't really that Great?
... that Ben Stiller's face makes everything funny?
... that someone reading Uncyclopedia has an erection right now, even though we barely have pornographic content?

... that male and female giraffes have been banned from living together in the New York City Zoo since 1975? (Pictured)

... that every time you blink, you get transported to another alternative Universe?
... that Earth has 1 sextillion grains of sand?
... that if you put an ear up to a person's leg you can hear them say, "What the fuck are you doing?"
... that Iran is all set to invade itself?
... that condoms prevent many sexually transmitted diseases, and at least one erection? Sorry Candace...
... that the lawman/outlaw Wild Bill Hickok had one of the most celebrated mustaches in the Wild West?
... that life is a sexually transmitted disease with a 100% fatality rate?

... that Kilroy was here? (Pictured)

... that Jackson Pollock is the Jackson Pollock of painting?
... that a simile is like a metaphor? And hyperbole is the greatest thing ever?
... that your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory?
... that 100% of divorces start with marriage?
... that Alexander isn't really that Great?
... that Ben Stiller's face makes everything funny?
... that someone reading Uncyclopedia has an erection right now, even though we barely have pornographic content?

... that male and female giraffes have been banned from living together in the New York City Zoo since 1975? (Pictured)

... that every time you blink, you get transported to another alternative Universe?
... that Earth has 1 sextillion grains of sand?
... that if you put an ear up to a person's leg you can hear them say, "What the fuck are you doing?"
... that Iran is all set to invade itself?
... that condoms prevent many sexually transmitted diseases, and at least one erection? Sorry Candace...
... that the lawman/outlaw Wild Bill Hickok had one of the most celebrated mustaches in the Wild West?
... that life is a sexually transmitted disease with a 100% fatality rate?

... that Kilroy was here? (Pictured)

... that Jackson Pollock is the Jackson Pollock of painting?
... that a simile is like a metaphor? And hyperbole is the greatest thing ever?
... that your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory?
... that 100% of divorces start with marriage?
... that Alexander isn't really that Great?
... that Ben Stiller's face makes everything funny?
... that someone reading Uncyclopedia has an erection right now, even though we barely have pornographic content?

... that male and female giraffes have been banned from living together in the New York City Zoo since 1975? (Pictured)

... that every time you blink, you get transported to another alternative Universe?
... that Earth has 1 sextillion grains of sand?
... that if you put an ear up to a person's leg you can hear them say, "What the fuck are you doing?"
... that Iran is all set to invade itself?
... that condoms prevent many sexually transmitted diseases, and at least one erection? Sorry Candace...
... that the lawman/outlaw Wild Bill Hickok had one of the most celebrated mustaches in the Wild West?
... that life is a sexually transmitted disease with a 100% fatality rate?

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Latest murders
Chuck Norris didn't die, Death got Chuck Norris'd. World shocked as Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the bucket (Pictured) Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize Iran kept barely alive by Cardboard Ayatollah Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Donald Trump *still really, really* wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • ~~War~~ Special Combat Operation in Iran • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed • Impossibly long lines at American airports Recent deaths*: Buffy • Xander Harris • Robert Mueller • Transgender self-identity in India • DMV* - the TV show, not the actual DMV. It ended on a cliffhanger: Everyone was still waiting for their number to be called. • Mr. Strickland Upcoming deaths: Iran • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons • Streetsigns with Cesar Chavez's name • TSA agents' bank accounts and sanity • Sora Murder News – Free Lunch at the Pie Hole
Past murders...
March 28: Turkey—the Country, not the Bird—Day 1453 - Constantinople wants to reinvent itself, changes name to Istanbul, but honestly everyone preferred Byzantium. 1784 - Benjamin Franklin proposes that the humble turkey be the national bird of the United States, since it's got a big juicy ass. 1871 - French revolutionaries form the Paris Commune, nascent leadership quickly devolves into squabbling over the finer points of Marx's Critique of the Gotha Program before getting skewered by French troops. 1979 - A nuclear meltdown in Three Mile Island, Pennsylvania actually mutates the population of Pittsburgh closer to normal. 1990 - George W. Bush gives the late Jesse Owens the Presidential Medal of Freedom, Bush now says he has black friend. 2018 - The traitor Gülen (Pictured) sits on his remote and changes the channel seconds before the climax to his favorite soap; God is with us brothers. View tomorrow – More murders...
Pie of the Week
For the glory of her majesty Help us bring back murder victims, and plant the seeds of daisies.

Today's featured pie

The Grue Crossing signs have proven to be an effective way to prepare drivers for an encounter.

Image credit: Kaizer the Bjorn
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Detective and Piemaker of the Month

Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.

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