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the dead encyclopedia that Ned can reanimate.

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Today's featured corpse

Clown alledgedly threatened by Bryce Von Deenis.

COEUR D'COEURS, USA -- Several circus performers at the local Barry Sonnenfeld & Bryan Fuller Shrine Circus have died under mysterious circumstances. According to one such victim, a mime who was brought back from the dead for 60 seconds by a local piemaker named Ned, a man named Bryce Von Deenis threatened to kill several clowns for making a dirty limerick about his last name. (More)

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Did you know...

... that Gypsies are stealing your carrots right now? (Pictured)

... that Godot isn't coming?
... that nobody asked?
... that if you say peacock, no one bats an eye, but if you say poop cock, everyone blows their minds?
... that Joe Biden stepped in dog shit?
... that a simile is like a metaphor? And hyperbole is the greatest thing ever?
... that Anonymous has written over 4,323,904,528 poems and 23,900,241 short stories, among a million other kinds of written word?
... that in order to complete the video game World of Warcraft, over one cubic mile of animals must be clicked?

... that all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy? (Pictured)

... that cow tipping is a term that describes the custom of giving bovines an additional sum of money in exchange for their milk, meat, or other services?
... that Elon Musk plots to monetarily obtain Madagascar for the industrialization of Tesla manufacturing plants, alongside having it renamed "Mada-electric-car"?
... conjuction verb noun preposition article verb noun?
... that this is why we can't have nice things?
... that the Russian Reversal is the common English term for the phenomenon during which a person descended from Russia is spontaneously turned around?
... that goldfish are neither gold nor fish?
... that the largest collection of human bullshit is located in the United States Congress?

... that Gypsies are stealing your carrots right now? (Pictured)

... that Godot isn't coming?
... that nobody asked?
... that if you say peacock, no one bats an eye, but if you say poop cock, everyone blows their minds?
... that Joe Biden stepped in dog shit?
... that a simile is like a metaphor? And hyperbole is the greatest thing ever?
... that Anonymous has written over 4,323,904,528 poems and 23,900,241 short stories, among a million other kinds of written word?
... that in order to complete the video game World of Warcraft, over one cubic mile of animals must be clicked?

... that all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy? (Pictured)

... that cow tipping is a term that describes the custom of giving bovines an additional sum of money in exchange for their milk, meat, or other services?
... that Elon Musk plots to monetarily obtain Madagascar for the industrialization of Tesla manufacturing plants, alongside having it renamed "Mada-electric-car"?
... conjuction verb noun preposition article verb noun?
... that this is why we can't have nice things?
... that the Russian Reversal is the common English term for the phenomenon during which a person descended from Russia is spontaneously turned around?
... that goldfish are neither gold nor fish?
... that the largest collection of human bullshit is located in the United States Congress?

... that Gypsies are stealing your carrots right now? (Pictured)

... that Godot isn't coming?
... that nobody asked?
... that if you say peacock, no one bats an eye, but if you say poop cock, everyone blows their minds?
... that Joe Biden stepped in dog shit?
... that a simile is like a metaphor? And hyperbole is the greatest thing ever?
... that Anonymous has written over 4,323,904,528 poems and 23,900,241 short stories, among a million other kinds of written word?
... that in order to complete the video game World of Warcraft, over one cubic mile of animals must be clicked?

... that all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy? (Pictured)

... that cow tipping is a term that describes the custom of giving bovines an additional sum of money in exchange for their milk, meat, or other services?
... that Elon Musk plots to monetarily obtain Madagascar for the industrialization of Tesla manufacturing plants, alongside having it renamed "Mada-electric-car"?
... conjuction verb noun preposition article verb noun?
... that this is why we can't have nice things?
... that the Russian Reversal is the common English term for the phenomenon during which a person descended from Russia is spontaneously turned around?
... that goldfish are neither gold nor fish?
... that the largest collection of human bullshit is located in the United States Congress?

... that Gypsies are stealing your carrots right now? (Pictured)

... that Godot isn't coming?
... that nobody asked?
... that if you say peacock, no one bats an eye, but if you say poop cock, everyone blows their minds?
... that Joe Biden stepped in dog shit?
... that a simile is like a metaphor? And hyperbole is the greatest thing ever?
... that Anonymous has written over 4,323,904,528 poems and 23,900,241 short stories, among a million other kinds of written word?
... that in order to complete the video game World of Warcraft, over one cubic mile of animals must be clicked?

Old pies – Suggest new pies

Latest murders
Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize (Pictured) Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Donald Trump *still really, really* wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • ~~War~~ Special Combat Operation in Iran • Winter Paralympics • Saturn Awards • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed Recent deaths: Warner Bros. bidding war • Neil Sedaka • Ali Khamenei • Team Italy sled hockey • Miami Dolphins, twice • That guy from Boston. The band, not the city. But isn't the band from the city? Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • Weed • Dancin' Maduro • Iran • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons Murder News – Free Lunch at the Pie Hole**
Past murders...
March 18: World Happiness Day 51,000 BC - World Happiness Day is declared with a series of rhythmic grunts when two homo erecti discover fire. 1906 - Pope declares suicide a mortal sin, worse than butt sex, watching anime and murder. 1953 - Senator Joseph McCarthy briefly bans Kitten Huffing, but later retracts said decree, claiming he "was high off [his] ass." 1954 - Scientists fist discover the Moon, they later find out it wasn't really the Moon they discovered, but the Sun. 1985 - Australia's version of EastEnders premieres to the public, however, it made Aussies more happier than expected. 1993 - The Sun tells scientists it and earth should "Just be friends," the sun promises to call every few weeks. 2008 - After numerous requests by the American public, God finally damns It, It is never found. 2016 - A rerun of the smash hit TV show Full House is shown around the world, millions kill themselves, unable to stand the torture. View tomorrow – More murders...
Pie of the Week
For the glory of her majesty Help us bring back murder victims, and plant the seeds of daisies.

Today's featured pie

The future of proctology isn't in your hands, your hands are in it.

Image credit: Serge Billault
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Let us all clap for him because I said so.

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