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Today's featured corpse

Clown alledgedly threatened by Bryce Von Deenis.

COEUR D'COEURS, USA -- Several circus performers at the local Barry Sonnenfeld & Bryan Fuller Shrine Circus have died under mysterious circumstances. According to one such victim, a mime who was brought back from the dead for 60 seconds by a local piemaker named Ned, a man named Bryce Von Deenis threatened to kill several clowns for making a dirty limerick about his last name. (More)

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	Wheeling Jesuit University, featured on 4 April 2025: Featured version

Did you know...

... that ‪Captain Autofellatio (Pictured) often gets distracted from crime-fighting?

... that when a suicide bomber dies and goes to paradise, he is given 72 virgins? But all of them are wiki editors?
... that, because of Anonymous' credibility, he has become a frequent source of information for news articles?
... that a drummer is someone who hangs out with musicians?
... that Michael Jackson should have had more apples to keep his doctor away?
... that Crow war chieftain Old White Man was nothing like his brothers, Walks Over Eggshells and Sees No Color?
... that the packets of silica gel that say "DO NOT EAT" are actually delicious?
... that it takes a great amount of sexual commitment to get a computer turned on, but once your computer is properly aroused, it can offer you some of the greatest sexual thrills you may ever experience?

... if you are right brained or left brained? (Pictured)

... that you're more likely to get struck by lightning twice than to discard an irrational fear based on a statistic like this one?
... that the sky is up and the ground is down, except in Australia where the opposite is true?
... that Ben Stiller's face makes everything funny?
... that nobody can describe what a simile is like?
... that the phrase "¡Ay Chihuahua!" can be used to mean both "no, I don't have any bathtub cheese" and "yes, I have a great deal of bathtub cheese"?
... conjuction verb noun preposition article verb noun?
... that back in my day, we didn't have no fancy Did you know sections on our wikis? We had to get all of our factoids from the library, like decent folk! And after we walked there barefoot across three counties 'cause bicycles hadn't been invented yet, we had to teach ourselves how to read the books - none of that fancy free-contents education you kids're all on about...

... that ‪Captain Autofellatio (Pictured) often gets distracted from crime-fighting?

... that when a suicide bomber dies and goes to paradise, he is given 72 virgins? But all of them are wiki editors?
... that, because of Anonymous' credibility, he has become a frequent source of information for news articles?
... that a drummer is someone who hangs out with musicians?
... that Michael Jackson should have had more apples to keep his doctor away?
... that Crow war chieftain Old White Man was nothing like his brothers, Walks Over Eggshells and Sees No Color?
... that the packets of silica gel that say "DO NOT EAT" are actually delicious?
... that it takes a great amount of sexual commitment to get a computer turned on, but once your computer is properly aroused, it can offer you some of the greatest sexual thrills you may ever experience?

... if you are right brained or left brained? (Pictured)

... that you're more likely to get struck by lightning twice than to discard an irrational fear based on a statistic like this one?
... that the sky is up and the ground is down, except in Australia where the opposite is true?
... that Ben Stiller's face makes everything funny?
... that nobody can describe what a simile is like?
... that the phrase "¡Ay Chihuahua!" can be used to mean both "no, I don't have any bathtub cheese" and "yes, I have a great deal of bathtub cheese"?
... conjuction verb noun preposition article verb noun?
... that back in my day, we didn't have no fancy Did you know sections on our wikis? We had to get all of our factoids from the library, like decent folk! And after we walked there barefoot across three counties 'cause bicycles hadn't been invented yet, we had to teach ourselves how to read the books - none of that fancy free-contents education you kids're all on about...

... that ‪Captain Autofellatio (Pictured) often gets distracted from crime-fighting?

... that when a suicide bomber dies and goes to paradise, he is given 72 virgins? But all of them are wiki editors?
... that, because of Anonymous' credibility, he has become a frequent source of information for news articles?
... that a drummer is someone who hangs out with musicians?
... that Michael Jackson should have had more apples to keep his doctor away?
... that Crow war chieftain Old White Man was nothing like his brothers, Walks Over Eggshells and Sees No Color?
... that the packets of silica gel that say "DO NOT EAT" are actually delicious?
... that it takes a great amount of sexual commitment to get a computer turned on, but once your computer is properly aroused, it can offer you some of the greatest sexual thrills you may ever experience?

... if you are right brained or left brained? (Pictured)

... that you're more likely to get struck by lightning twice than to discard an irrational fear based on a statistic like this one?
... that the sky is up and the ground is down, except in Australia where the opposite is true?
... that Ben Stiller's face makes everything funny?
... that nobody can describe what a simile is like?
... that the phrase "¡Ay Chihuahua!" can be used to mean both "no, I don't have any bathtub cheese" and "yes, I have a great deal of bathtub cheese"?
... conjuction verb noun preposition article verb noun?
... that back in my day, we didn't have no fancy Did you know sections on our wikis? We had to get all of our factoids from the library, like decent folk! And after we walked there barefoot across three counties 'cause bicycles hadn't been invented yet, we had to teach ourselves how to read the books - none of that fancy free-contents education you kids're all on about...

... that ‪Captain Autofellatio (Pictured) often gets distracted from crime-fighting?

... that when a suicide bomber dies and goes to paradise, he is given 72 virgins? But all of them are wiki editors?
... that, because of Anonymous' credibility, he has become a frequent source of information for news articles?
... that a drummer is someone who hangs out with musicians?
... that Michael Jackson should have had more apples to keep his doctor away?
... that Crow war chieftain Old White Man was nothing like his brothers, Walks Over Eggshells and Sees No Color?
... that the packets of silica gel that say "DO NOT EAT" are actually delicious?
... that it takes a great amount of sexual commitment to get a computer turned on, but once your computer is properly aroused, it can offer you some of the greatest sexual thrills you may ever experience?

Old pies – Suggest new pies

Latest murders
Chuck Norris didn't die, Death got Chuck Norris'd. Trump talks to America on Iran, Chuck Norris, the Moon, March Madness, and firing Pam Bondi World shocked as Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the bucket (Pictured) Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize Iran kept barely alive by Cardboard Ayatollah Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • ~~War~~ Special Combat Operation in Iran • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed • March Madness Final Four Recent deaths: Robert Mueller • Transgender self-identity in India • Mr. Strickland • C.B. Buckner's carreer as an MLB ump • UConn ladies' basketball season + Jordan's Furniture customers • ~~Jesus~~ Upcoming deaths: Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons • Streetsigns with Cesar Chavez's name • Sora • Tiger Woods' driver's license and career.. fuck it, his life can go too • Holostars JP Murder News – Free Lunch at the Pie Hole
Past murders...
April 5: National Bullying Day (Scotland) 1614 - Pocahontas sells life story to Disney for a handful of plastic beads 1640 - King Charles I of England disbands the Short Parliament because "Who cares what happens to short people?" 1945 - USSR deploys troops in Yugoslavia to act as security at TATU gig. 1955 - Winston Churchill gives up politics and goes into insurance. 1979 - Robin dies of Bat-AIDs, a grieving Batman later patents the first Bat-Condoms. 1992 - Several hundred thousand abortion rights demonstrators march on top of babies in Washington D.C. 2000 - Global warming is first linked to the phenomenon of climate change. View tomorrow – More murders...
Pie of the Week
For the glory of her majesty Help us bring back murder victims, and plant the seeds of daisies.

Today's featured pie

9-Eleven, a world-wide chain of convenience stores serving the needs of those who seek to overthrow whichever hated oppressor is in vogue at the time, is now owned by a conglomeration of businessmen operating out of Afghanistan for tax purposes. People often call them when they need fat. In a bun.

Image credit: FreeMorpheme
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Detective and Piemaker of the Month

Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.

Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!

Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.

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