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Today's featured corpse

Clown alledgedly threatened by Bryce Von Deenis.

COEUR D'COEURS, USA -- Several circus performers at the local Barry Sonnenfeld & Bryan Fuller Shrine Circus have died under mysterious circumstances. According to one such victim, a mime who was brought back from the dead for 60 seconds by a local piemaker named Ned, a man named Bryce Von Deenis threatened to kill several clowns for making a dirty limerick about his last name. (More)

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Yesterday's featured corpse

Orchids are a special family of temptress flowers that bloom around June, totally unlike conservative flowers with upstanding morals and family values. They have delicate bodies, slim stems, and deep orifices, with small follicles emanating from their lower inner region that open up once every 28 days or so to emit a rather fishy yet surprisingly fragrant scent in order to attract insects, which will invade their insides to help pollinate them.

Orchids are considered to be some of the most scrumptious flowers in the plant kingdom, and they are also utterly insatiable. No amount of pollination is enough. Whereas almost all other flowers would be satisfied with one insect pollinator per day, for Orchids, no amount of frequent diverse visitors is enough. They are so good at seduction, bumble bees are known to fight one another to the death in their attempt to mount the stamens of orchids and destroy their tall slender legs in the process. Only the strongest bees with the most cunning, deceptive, and charismatic qualities are able to beat other bees during the frenzied orchid mating season. (Full article...)

Did you know...

... that Joseph Stalin (Pictured) is the the real Man of Steel?

... that apparently, this Charles Norris fellow is quite the ruffian?
... that homeopathic solutions are an effective treatment for thirst?
... that you... you should have gone for my head? Oh Snap!
... that the process of dying and coming back to life as a cow is known as reincownation?
... that contrary to popular belief, the emoticon ":3" is a depiction of someone with a scrotum for a mouth?
... that in an experiment known as Monty Hall problem, if you never make up your mind about which door to choose, the goat behind the door will grow tired and burst out?
... that Earth is the best planet in the world?

... that DWIII is a cannibal? (Pictured)

... that the bird is equal to or greater than the word?
... that reading this section is a severe waste of time?
... that sarcasm is totally the highest form of wit?
... that when a suicide bomber dies and goes to paradise, he is given 72 virgins? But all of them are wiki editors?
... that Afghanistan is known for its lush dirt farms, where dirt and dust are cultivated by villagers to enhance the scenic emptiness for which the region is known?
... that there is no other word for thesaurus?
... that Michael Jackson should have had more apples to keep his doctor away?

... that Joseph Stalin (Pictured) is the the real Man of Steel?

... that apparently, this Charles Norris fellow is quite the ruffian?
... that homeopathic solutions are an effective treatment for thirst?
... that you... you should have gone for my head? Oh Snap!
... that the process of dying and coming back to life as a cow is known as reincownation?
... that contrary to popular belief, the emoticon ":3" is a depiction of someone with a scrotum for a mouth?
... that in an experiment known as Monty Hall problem, if you never make up your mind about which door to choose, the goat behind the door will grow tired and burst out?
... that Earth is the best planet in the world?

... that DWIII is a cannibal? (Pictured)

... that the bird is equal to or greater than the word?
... that reading this section is a severe waste of time?
... that sarcasm is totally the highest form of wit?
... that when a suicide bomber dies and goes to paradise, he is given 72 virgins? But all of them are wiki editors?
... that Afghanistan is known for its lush dirt farms, where dirt and dust are cultivated by villagers to enhance the scenic emptiness for which the region is known?
... that there is no other word for thesaurus?
... that Michael Jackson should have had more apples to keep his doctor away?

... that Joseph Stalin (Pictured) is the the real Man of Steel?

... that apparently, this Charles Norris fellow is quite the ruffian?
... that homeopathic solutions are an effective treatment for thirst?
... that you... you should have gone for my head? Oh Snap!
... that the process of dying and coming back to life as a cow is known as reincownation?
... that contrary to popular belief, the emoticon ":3" is a depiction of someone with a scrotum for a mouth?
... that in an experiment known as Monty Hall problem, if you never make up your mind about which door to choose, the goat behind the door will grow tired and burst out?
... that Earth is the best planet in the world?

... that DWIII is a cannibal? (Pictured)

... that the bird is equal to or greater than the word?
... that reading this section is a severe waste of time?
... that sarcasm is totally the highest form of wit?
... that when a suicide bomber dies and goes to paradise, he is given 72 virgins? But all of them are wiki editors?
... that Afghanistan is known for its lush dirt farms, where dirt and dust are cultivated by villagers to enhance the scenic emptiness for which the region is known?
... that there is no other word for thesaurus?
... that Michael Jackson should have had more apples to keep his doctor away?

... that Joseph Stalin (Pictured) is the the real Man of Steel?

... that apparently, this Charles Norris fellow is quite the ruffian?
... that homeopathic solutions are an effective treatment for thirst?
... that you... you should have gone for my head? Oh Snap!
... that the process of dying and coming back to life as a cow is known as reincownation?
... that contrary to popular belief, the emoticon ":3" is a depiction of someone with a scrotum for a mouth?
... that in an experiment known as Monty Hall problem, if you never make up your mind about which door to choose, the goat behind the door will grow tired and burst out?
... that Earth is the best planet in the world?

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Latest murders
World shocked as Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the bucket (Pictured) Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize Iran kept barely alive by Cardboard Ayatollah Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Donald Trump *still really, really* wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • ~~War~~ Special Combat Operation in Iran • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed • Impossibly long lines at American airports Recent deaths: That guy from Boston, not the city, but the band, from the city • Chuck Norris doesn't die, he goes to Hell to regroup • Buffy • Xander Harris • Robert Mueller • Transgender self-identity in India Upcoming deaths: Iran • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons • Streetsigns with Cesar Chavez's name • TSA agents' bank accounts and sanity • Sora Murder News – Free Lunch at the Pie Hole**
Past murders...
March 25: International Moose Preservation Day 26 AD - The Pontius Pilot is released in Rome, now Roman citizens can plan their Crucifixions from the comfort of their own villas. 1763 - The oboe is created in France, right before it drowns to the underworld being the only last remnant of France existant. 1847 - The Slate industry in Wales suffers a sharp decline after import tariffs on seriously why are you still reading this sentence go to bed. 1929 - The stock market crashes, putting an end to the Roaring 20's, and ushering the Squeaking 30's. 1950 - The Spanish Inquisition, the television adaptation based on the historical event, makes its debut on Fox quite unexpectedly. 1990 - The case of Pot v. Kettle goes to the Mississippi Court of Appeals. 2003 - Black & Decker begin preliminary research into self-toasting bread, but their prototypes end up incinerating the stomachs of consumers. 2005 - Moose preservation is celebrated on the internet for the first time. View tomorrow – More murders...
Pie of the Week
For the glory of her majesty Help us bring back murder victims, and plant the seeds of daisies.

Today's featured pie

Imagine a world in which the sum of all human knowledge is in your hand.

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Detective and Piemaker of the Month

Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.

Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!

Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.

Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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