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Today's featured corpse

Clown alledgedly threatened by Bryce Von Deenis.

COEUR D'COEURS, USA -- Several circus performers at the local Barry Sonnenfeld & Bryan Fuller Shrine Circus have died under mysterious circumstances. According to one such victim, a mime who was brought back from the dead for 60 seconds by a local piemaker named Ned, a man named Bryce Von Deenis threatened to kill several clowns for making a dirty limerick about his last name. (More)

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	Tenet (film), featured on 2 April 2025: Featured version

Did you know...

... that grave robbing accounts for 1/3 of the average Romanian yearly income? (Pictured)

... that, despite the invention of the doorbell, knock-knock jokes have yet to be replaced by ding-dong jokes?
... that Uncyclopedia is riddled with subliminal messages? DRINK COCA COLA
... that many children in third world countries don't have enough to eat, but most have access to the Food Network?
... that if you laid out all of the nerves in your body end-to-end, you'd die?
... there's a ninja behind you but it left when you turned around?
... that while laughter is the best medicine, many cancer patients prefer chemotherapy?
... that I don't like them putting chemicals in the water that turn the frickin' frogs gay?

... that the Easter Bunny must kill every 100 years? (Pictured)

... that air is a fictional substance that was once believed to fill the space above the surface of the Earth? While this "air theory" was once used to explain various phenomena, air theory, at last refuted, has joined the gene, the atom, Antarctica, and the free lunch in a long list of scientific red herrings.
... that Rihanna's hit song Umbrella can cause rain to fall upwards?
... that 98% of Americans have no idea what they would do in a hypothetical situation?
... that the sky is up and the ground is down, except in Australia where the opposite is true?
... that Karen is a female given name meaning "she who wants to see the manager"?
... that Alaska's principle exports include snow, ice, frozen water, and permafrost?
... that Jackson Pollock is the Jackson Pollock of painting?

... that grave robbing accounts for 1/3 of the average Romanian yearly income? (Pictured)

... that, despite the invention of the doorbell, knock-knock jokes have yet to be replaced by ding-dong jokes?
... that Uncyclopedia is riddled with subliminal messages? DRINK COCA COLA
... that many children in third world countries don't have enough to eat, but most have access to the Food Network?
... that if you laid out all of the nerves in your body end-to-end, you'd die?
... there's a ninja behind you but it left when you turned around?
... that while laughter is the best medicine, many cancer patients prefer chemotherapy?
... that I don't like them putting chemicals in the water that turn the frickin' frogs gay?

... that the Easter Bunny must kill every 100 years? (Pictured)

... that air is a fictional substance that was once believed to fill the space above the surface of the Earth? While this "air theory" was once used to explain various phenomena, air theory, at last refuted, has joined the gene, the atom, Antarctica, and the free lunch in a long list of scientific red herrings.
... that Rihanna's hit song Umbrella can cause rain to fall upwards?
... that 98% of Americans have no idea what they would do in a hypothetical situation?
... that the sky is up and the ground is down, except in Australia where the opposite is true?
... that Karen is a female given name meaning "she who wants to see the manager"?
... that Alaska's principle exports include snow, ice, frozen water, and permafrost?
... that Jackson Pollock is the Jackson Pollock of painting?

... that grave robbing accounts for 1/3 of the average Romanian yearly income? (Pictured)

... that, despite the invention of the doorbell, knock-knock jokes have yet to be replaced by ding-dong jokes?
... that Uncyclopedia is riddled with subliminal messages? DRINK COCA COLA
... that many children in third world countries don't have enough to eat, but most have access to the Food Network?
... that if you laid out all of the nerves in your body end-to-end, you'd die?
... there's a ninja behind you but it left when you turned around?
... that while laughter is the best medicine, many cancer patients prefer chemotherapy?
... that I don't like them putting chemicals in the water that turn the frickin' frogs gay?

... that the Easter Bunny must kill every 100 years? (Pictured)

... that air is a fictional substance that was once believed to fill the space above the surface of the Earth? While this "air theory" was once used to explain various phenomena, air theory, at last refuted, has joined the gene, the atom, Antarctica, and the free lunch in a long list of scientific red herrings.
... that Rihanna's hit song Umbrella can cause rain to fall upwards?
... that 98% of Americans have no idea what they would do in a hypothetical situation?
... that the sky is up and the ground is down, except in Australia where the opposite is true?
... that Karen is a female given name meaning "she who wants to see the manager"?
... that Alaska's principle exports include snow, ice, frozen water, and permafrost?
... that Jackson Pollock is the Jackson Pollock of painting?

... that grave robbing accounts for 1/3 of the average Romanian yearly income? (Pictured)

... that, despite the invention of the doorbell, knock-knock jokes have yet to be replaced by ding-dong jokes?
... that Uncyclopedia is riddled with subliminal messages? DRINK COCA COLA
... that many children in third world countries don't have enough to eat, but most have access to the Food Network?
... that if you laid out all of the nerves in your body end-to-end, you'd die?
... there's a ninja behind you but it left when you turned around?
... that while laughter is the best medicine, many cancer patients prefer chemotherapy?
... that I don't like them putting chemicals in the water that turn the frickin' frogs gay?

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Latest murders
Chuck Norris didn't die, Death got Chuck Norris'd. World shocked as Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the bucket (Pictured) Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize Iran kept barely alive by Cardboard Ayatollah Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • ~~War~~ Special Combat Operation in Iran • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed • March Madness Final Four Recent deaths: Robert Mueller • Transgender self-identity in India • Mr. Strickland • C.B. Buckner's carreer as an MLB ump • Duke's basketball season, choked away at the last moment Upcoming deaths: Iran • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons • Streetsigns with Cesar Chavez's name • Sora • Tiger Woods' driver's license and career.. fuck it, his life can go too Murder News – Free Lunch at the Pie Hole
Past murders...
April 3: Vivaldi Appreciation Day 1220 - Rampaging crusaders drive a trebuchet through the walls of two towers in Ancient Syria. 1666 - Sir Marquis Baron Vivaldi walks to the crossroad and sells his soul to Satan 1888 - Vivaldi composes new record "A Change of Four Seasons", inspired by regressive metal band Dream Theater. 1945 - Scientists discover that if you play John Cage's 4'33" backward you'll hear someone cough, but backwards. 1974 - Tornadoes sweep the U.S.A, inspiring the invention of the tumble drier. 1986 - D.J. murder rate at all-time high, blamed on the provocative lyrics of The Smiths. 1996 - Ted Kaczynski, the Unabomber, is arrested for crimes against tasteful nomenclature, and killing like six people. View tomorrow – More murders...
Pie of the Week
For the glory of her majesty Help us bring back murder victims, and plant the seeds of daisies.

Today's featured pie

The future of coffee vending machines is here! We shan't be lied to anymore, and when we press the button marked coffee colored water we will actually get that, and not frothy double glazed cappuccino! Or vice versa.

Image credit: Modusoperandi
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Detective and Piemaker of the Month

Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.

Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!

Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.

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