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Today's featured corpse

Clown alledgedly threatened by Bryce Von Deenis.

COEUR D'COEURS, USA -- Several circus performers at the local Barry Sonnenfeld & Bryan Fuller Shrine Circus have died under mysterious circumstances. According to one such victim, a mime who was brought back from the dead for 60 seconds by a local piemaker named Ned, a man named Bryce Von Deenis threatened to kill several clowns for making a dirty limerick about his last name. (More)

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Did you know...

... that the waterways of Oslo, Norway are much like Venice, except that they are open sewers? (Pictured)

... that 100% of people who make good life choices die?
... that the American Civil War was actually marked by many instances of uncivil behavior?
... that the apostrophe is a small animal which has infected millions of books?
... that Billie Jean was not Michael Jackson's lover but Macaluey Culkin was?
... that many children in third world countries don't have enough to eat, but most have access to the Food Network?
... that Uncyclopedia regularly kills its editors mid-sent
... that gender is a scam invented in 1825 to sell more bathrooms?

... that 45% of Japan's electrical and nuclear power is produced by manual labor? (Pictured)

... that while most Popes don't shit in the woods, sometimes bears are Catholic?
... that Santa sees you while you're sleeping, and he knows when you're awake?
... that Africa's space program has had several successful launches to altitudes over 11 feet?
... that suicide is an answer to every problem, just not a very good one?
... that Michael Jackson should have had more apples to keep his doctor away?
... that Alaska is a mooseocracy, in which citizens select a moose to lead them?
... that you should invest in chicken stock?

... that the waterways of Oslo, Norway are much like Venice, except that they are open sewers? (Pictured)

... that 100% of people who make good life choices die?
... that the American Civil War was actually marked by many instances of uncivil behavior?
... that the apostrophe is a small animal which has infected millions of books?
... that Billie Jean was not Michael Jackson's lover but Macaluey Culkin was?
... that many children in third world countries don't have enough to eat, but most have access to the Food Network?
... that Uncyclopedia regularly kills its editors mid-sent
... that gender is a scam invented in 1825 to sell more bathrooms?

... that 45% of Japan's electrical and nuclear power is produced by manual labor? (Pictured)

... that while most Popes don't shit in the woods, sometimes bears are Catholic?
... that Santa sees you while you're sleeping, and he knows when you're awake?
... that Africa's space program has had several successful launches to altitudes over 11 feet?
... that suicide is an answer to every problem, just not a very good one?
... that Michael Jackson should have had more apples to keep his doctor away?
... that Alaska is a mooseocracy, in which citizens select a moose to lead them?
... that you should invest in chicken stock?

... that the waterways of Oslo, Norway are much like Venice, except that they are open sewers? (Pictured)

... that 100% of people who make good life choices die?
... that the American Civil War was actually marked by many instances of uncivil behavior?
... that the apostrophe is a small animal which has infected millions of books?
... that Billie Jean was not Michael Jackson's lover but Macaluey Culkin was?
... that many children in third world countries don't have enough to eat, but most have access to the Food Network?
... that Uncyclopedia regularly kills its editors mid-sent
... that gender is a scam invented in 1825 to sell more bathrooms?

... that 45% of Japan's electrical and nuclear power is produced by manual labor? (Pictured)

... that while most Popes don't shit in the woods, sometimes bears are Catholic?
... that Santa sees you while you're sleeping, and he knows when you're awake?
... that Africa's space program has had several successful launches to altitudes over 11 feet?
... that suicide is an answer to every problem, just not a very good one?
... that Michael Jackson should have had more apples to keep his doctor away?
... that Alaska is a mooseocracy, in which citizens select a moose to lead them?
... that you should invest in chicken stock?

... that the waterways of Oslo, Norway are much like Venice, except that they are open sewers? (Pictured)

... that 100% of people who make good life choices die?
... that the American Civil War was actually marked by many instances of uncivil behavior?
... that the apostrophe is a small animal which has infected millions of books?
... that Billie Jean was not Michael Jackson's lover but Macaluey Culkin was?
... that many children in third world countries don't have enough to eat, but most have access to the Food Network?
... that Uncyclopedia regularly kills its editors mid-sent
... that gender is a scam invented in 1825 to sell more bathrooms?

Old pies – Suggest new pies

Latest murders
World shocked as Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the bucket (Pictured) Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize Iran kept barely alive by Cardboard Ayatollah Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Donald Trump *still really, really* wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • ~~War~~ Special Combat Operation in Iran • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed • Impossibly long lines at American airports Recent deaths*: Buffy • Xander Harris • Robert Mueller • Transgender self-identity in India • DMV* - the TV show, not the actual DMV. It ended on a cliffhanger: Everyone was still waiting for their number to be called. • Mr. Strickland Upcoming deaths: Iran • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons • Streetsigns with Cesar Chavez's name • TSA agents' bank accounts and sanity • Sora Murder News – Free Lunch at the Pie Hole
Past murders...
March 28: Turkey—the Country, not the Bird—Day 1453 - Constantinople wants to reinvent itself, changes name to Istanbul, but honestly everyone preferred Byzantium. 1784 - Benjamin Franklin proposes that the humble turkey be the national bird of the United States, since it's got a big juicy ass. 1871 - French revolutionaries form the Paris Commune, nascent leadership quickly devolves into squabbling over the finer points of Marx's Critique of the Gotha Program before getting skewered by French troops. 1979 - A nuclear meltdown in Three Mile Island, Pennsylvania actually mutates the population of Pittsburgh closer to normal. 1990 - George W. Bush gives the late Jesse Owens the Presidential Medal of Freedom, Bush now says he has black friend. 2018 - The traitor Gülen (Pictured) sits on his remote and changes the channel seconds before the climax to his favorite soap; God is with us brothers. View tomorrow – More murders...
Pie of the Week
For the glory of her majesty Help us bring back murder victims, and plant the seeds of daisies.

Today's featured pie

August 6, 1945: After being given superpowers by the Manhattan Project, Harry S. Truman, the Truman Torch, personally drops the atomic bomb on Hiroshima, Japan, signalling the beginning of the end of World War II.

Truman's flight was the culmination of the Manhattan Project, a sustained secret project by the United States military to develop superpowers in order to resurrect the American Justice Coalition. Because superhero technology was so valuable, the project was disguised as an effort to create a nuclear bomb, a deception that was so complete that the nuclear bomb was also developed. Subsequently, all American presidents have been endowed with superpowers and occasionally fight together as the New American Justice Coalition.
Image credit: Isra1337
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Detective and Piemaker of the Month

Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.

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