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My name is Patrick Henry. I'm writing this myself. An outsider might leave out crucial events, important nuances, and valuable coupons. I can't have that.

I was born into an old Virginia family. The Henrys of Red Hill have always been tobacco-growers, rum-runners, revolutionaries, and high-handed bastards.

In 1685 my grandfather rode a piebald gelding into the British governor's sitting room, put the point of a sabre in the man's left nostril, and told him that unless he wanted a perforated brainpan he'd best quit quartering troops in the town. The governor commanded 10,000 soldiers but he buckled at the knees.

My grandfather later sent him a case of Cuban rum. The governor had it burned, and my grandfather never spoke to him again.

It was in the fertile shade of such family legends that I grew up. (more...)

Recently featured: Holocaust Tycoon - The Free World - Prog Rock - The Annual One-Day-Only Winter Holidays Earlybird 5:00 AM 99% Off Sale - UnBooks:Pulp Novel, the case of the dashing dame


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Holocaust Tycoon is a simulation computer game, released for Windows XP in 2006. It was developed by Ka-tzetnik Enterprises in Berlin, and later released throughout Europe by WN Software. In Holocaust Tycoon, the player must successfully manage a camp, without going bankrupt, whilst avoiding the attention of invading Allied Forces.

The player begins with an empty plot of land, levelled and ready for development. In the early stages of the game, the player will build his camp, adding huts, arranging for political opponents, enemy aliens, specific ethnic or religious groups to be transported in, and the construction of torture chambers. As with most games of this genre the early development is the most important stage, as the structure of the camp is crucial to its survival. Controversially, players are encouraged to cram as many people into huts, to heighten profit (refered to in-game as 'death toll').

Eventually, as the camp develops, more options become availiable. For example, the player must then negotiate contracts with various loyal companies, such as gas providers and freight rail companies. The object of this game is to build an organised and brutal camp, allowing your Commandant promotion whilst gaining the love and appreciation of his Führer. (more...)

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  • ... that you wash your ass not your pussy (Pictured) in the Bidet?
  • ... that Boston Bruins goaltender Gerry Cheevers was one of the most feared hockey players in the so-called "stick to the groin" era?
  • ... that existing is highly dangerous, and should not be performed unless you are competent enough to understand how to perform it?
  • ... that male vampires are delighted when the female vampire goes on her period?
  • ... that I am Batman?
  • ... that it's been proven beyond reasonable doubt that 50% of modern marriages end in divorce because of arguments inside IKEA stores?
  • ... that you can get great deals on Vietnamese clothing imports if you buy now?
  • ... that Big Pharma wants to get you high?
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  • ... that sex in the ear canal is called CANAL (pronounced like anal but with a C in the beginning)?
  • ... that Alaska's principle exports include snow, ice, frozen water, and permafrost?
  • ...the Cleveland Indians were about to become the Cleveland Clevelands?
  • ... that nobody can describe what a simile is like?
  • ... that Drake the type of dingbat to believe everything he reads on Uncyclopedia?
  • ... that back in my day, we didn't have no fancy Did you know sections on our wikis? We had to get all of our factoids from the library, like decent folk! And after we walked there barefoot across three counties 'cause bicycles hadn't been invented yet, we had to teach ourselves how to read the books - none of that fancy free-contents education you kids're all on about...
  • ... that babies explode when you put them in the microwave?
Bidet1.jpg
  • ... that you wash your ass not your pussy (Pictured) in the Bidet?
  • ... that Boston Bruins goaltender Gerry Cheevers was one of the most feared hockey players in the so-called "stick to the groin" era?
  • ... that existing is highly dangerous, and should not be performed unless you are competent enough to understand how to perform it?
  • ... that male vampires are delighted when the female vampire goes on her period?
  • ... that I am Batman?
  • ... that it's been proven beyond reasonable doubt that 50% of modern marriages end in divorce because of arguments inside IKEA stores?
  • ... that you can get great deals on Vietnamese clothing imports if you buy now?
  • ... that Big Pharma wants to get you high?
N1.jpg
  • ... that sex in the ear canal is called CANAL (pronounced like anal but with a C in the beginning)?
  • ... that Alaska's principle exports include snow, ice, frozen water, and permafrost?
  • ...the Cleveland Indians were about to become the Cleveland Clevelands?
  • ... that nobody can describe what a simile is like?
  • ... that Drake the type of dingbat to believe everything he reads on Uncyclopedia?
  • ... that back in my day, we didn't have no fancy Did you know sections on our wikis? We had to get all of our factoids from the library, like decent folk! And after we walked there barefoot across three counties 'cause bicycles hadn't been invented yet, we had to teach ourselves how to read the books - none of that fancy free-contents education you kids're all on about...
  • ... that babies explode when you put them in the microwave?
Bidet1.jpg
  • ... that you wash your ass not your pussy (Pictured) in the Bidet?
  • ... that Boston Bruins goaltender Gerry Cheevers was one of the most feared hockey players in the so-called "stick to the groin" era?
  • ... that existing is highly dangerous, and should not be performed unless you are competent enough to understand how to perform it?
  • ... that male vampires are delighted when the female vampire goes on her period?
  • ... that I am Batman?
  • ... that it's been proven beyond reasonable doubt that 50% of modern marriages end in divorce because of arguments inside IKEA stores?
  • ... that you can get great deals on Vietnamese clothing imports if you buy now?
  • ... that Big Pharma wants to get you high?
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fabulous
Try to use it in conversation.
Knowledge is power.

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March 28: Turkey—the Country, not the Bird—Day

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§ǚρωξλ£μĦΦφ≈€ƏξßÐÆØΞ wrote Double Ristretto Venti Half-Soy Nonfat Decaf Organic Chocolate Brownie Iced Vanilla Double-Shot Gingerbread Frappuccino Extra Hot With Foam Whipped Cream Upside Down Double Blended, One Sweet'N Low and One Nutrasweet, and Ice... (entry out of space)


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In a closely fought battle Braydie pushed to the front of the crowd to win this month's NOTM award. A dogged reporter for UnNews, Braydie has brought us all the latest on such varied topics as Restricted Artists, Computer Abuse as well as articles such as VFH nominated HowTo:Make a Band. Not a bad start, but can he do this? {insert random gesture}


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