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My name is Patrick Henry. I'm writing this myself. An outsider might leave out crucial events, important nuances, and valuable coupons. I can't have that.

I was born into an old Virginia family. The Henrys of Red Hill have always been tobacco-growers, rum-runners, revolutionaries, and high-handed bastards.

In 1685 my grandfather rode a piebald gelding into the British governor's sitting room, put the point of a sabre in the man's left nostril, and told him that unless he wanted a perforated brainpan he'd best quit quartering troops in the town. The governor commanded 10,000 soldiers but he buckled at the knees.

My grandfather later sent him a case of Cuban rum. The governor had it burned, and my grandfather never spoke to him again.

It was in the fertile shade of such family legends that I grew up. (more...)

Recently featured: Holocaust Tycoon - The Free World - Prog Rock - The Annual One-Day-Only Winter Holidays Earlybird 5:00 AM 99% Off Sale - UnBooks:Pulp Novel, the case of the dashing dame


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Holocaust Tycoon is a simulation computer game, released for Windows XP in 2006. It was developed by Ka-tzetnik Enterprises in Berlin, and later released throughout Europe by WN Software. In Holocaust Tycoon, the player must successfully manage a camp, without going bankrupt, whilst avoiding the attention of invading Allied Forces.

The player begins with an empty plot of land, levelled and ready for development. In the early stages of the game, the player will build his camp, adding huts, arranging for political opponents, enemy aliens, specific ethnic or religious groups to be transported in, and the construction of torture chambers. As with most games of this genre the early development is the most important stage, as the structure of the camp is crucial to its survival. Controversially, players are encouraged to cram as many people into huts, to heighten profit (refered to in-game as 'death toll').

Eventually, as the camp develops, more options become availiable. For example, the player must then negotiate contracts with various loyal companies, such as gas providers and freight rail companies. The object of this game is to build an organised and brutal camp, allowing your Commandant promotion whilst gaining the love and appreciation of his Führer. (more...)

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  • ... that there is no other word for thesaurus?
  • ... that Afghanistan is known for its lush dirt farms, where dirt and dust are cultivated by villagers to enhance the scenic emptiness for which the region is known?
  • ... Altaïr has excelled in the tactics of fooling the mentally challenged?
  • ... that condoms prevent many sexually transmitted diseases, and at least one erection? Sorry Candace...
  • ... that Richard Nixon was well-known for his honesty and often referred to as Honest Dick?
  • ... that forgetting to carry the one is the leading cause of disaster for world domination plans?
  • ... that cutting off your hands, nose, and head reduces the spread of germs by 100%?
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  • ... that there is no other word for thesaurus?
  • ... that Afghanistan is known for its lush dirt farms, where dirt and dust are cultivated by villagers to enhance the scenic emptiness for which the region is known?
  • ... Altaïr has excelled in the tactics of fooling the mentally challenged?
  • ... that condoms prevent many sexually transmitted diseases, and at least one erection? Sorry Candace...
  • ... that Richard Nixon was well-known for his honesty and often referred to as Honest Dick?
  • ... that forgetting to carry the one is the leading cause of disaster for world domination plans?
  • ... that cutting off your hands, nose, and head reduces the spread of germs by 100%?
Malcolmx.jpg
TDF portrait.png
  • ... that there is no other word for thesaurus?
  • ... that Afghanistan is known for its lush dirt farms, where dirt and dust are cultivated by villagers to enhance the scenic emptiness for which the region is known?
  • ... Altaïr has excelled in the tactics of fooling the mentally challenged?
  • ... that condoms prevent many sexually transmitted diseases, and at least one erection? Sorry Candace...
  • ... that Richard Nixon was well-known for his honesty and often referred to as Honest Dick?
  • ... that forgetting to carry the one is the leading cause of disaster for world domination plans?
  • ... that cutting off your hands, nose, and head reduces the spread of germs by 100%?
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fabulous
Try to use it in conversation.
Knowledge is power.

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Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein FilesWar Special Combat Operation in Iran • Winter ParalympicsSaturn AwardsChucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed

Recent deaths: Neil SedakaAli KhameneiTeam Italy sled hockey • Miami Dolphins, twice • That guy from Boston. The band, not the city. But isn't the band from the city? • Chuck Norris doesn't fuckin' die, the world died to him

Upcoming deaths: WeedDancin' MaduroIranMahmoud AhmadinejadAtlanta Falcons • Every Cesar Chavez Street's name

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Would you prefer a picture of procrasturbation? Take a selfie nerd

March 20: Procrasturbation Day

  • 1602 - The Dutch East India company is founded, paving the way for the trade of such goods as sugar, spices, human slaves, and additional sugar.
  • 1815 - After escaping from his exile in Elba using cheese, cocked berets, and other French sterotypes, Napoleon Bonaparte begins his "Hundred Days" Rule.
  • 1833 - Honest Jim starts his career out by selling his grandfather's false teeth back to him at nine times their original value.
  • 1852 - Hariet Beecher Stowe's Uncle Tom's Cabin was published, setting racial equality back about seventy-five years.
  • 1883 - Eleven counties signed the Paris Convention for the Protection of Industrial Property, strictly outlawing the trade of ideas, dreams.
  • 1914 - The first international Figure Skating World Championships take place in Connecticut. The losers maintain their dignity.
  • 1984 - Dungeons & Dragons hits a new high note with the introduction of the Stock Broker playable character set, including Briefcase of Monotony and +2 Ballpoint Pen.

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In a closely fought battle Braydie pushed to the front of the crowd to win this month's NOTM award. A dogged reporter for UnNews, Braydie has brought us all the latest on such varied topics as Restricted Artists, Computer Abuse as well as articles such as VFH nominated HowTo:Make a Band. Not a bad start, but can he do this? {insert random gesture}


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