User:Tompkins/page

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My name is Patrick Henry. I'm writing this myself. An outsider might leave out crucial events, important nuances, and valuable coupons. I can't have that.

I was born into an old Virginia family. The Henrys of Red Hill have always been tobacco-growers, rum-runners, revolutionaries, and high-handed bastards.

In 1685 my grandfather rode a piebald gelding into the British governor's sitting room, put the point of a sabre in the man's left nostril, and told him that unless he wanted a perforated brainpan he'd best quit quartering troops in the town. The governor commanded 10,000 soldiers but he buckled at the knees.

My grandfather later sent him a case of Cuban rum. The governor had it burned, and my grandfather never spoke to him again.

It was in the fertile shade of such family legends that I grew up. (more...)

Recently featured: Holocaust Tycoon - The Free World - Prog Rock - The Annual One-Day-Only Winter Holidays Earlybird 5:00 AM 99% Off Sale - UnBooks:Pulp Novel, the case of the dashing dame


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Holocaust Tycoon is a simulation computer game, released for Windows XP in 2006. It was developed by Ka-tzetnik Enterprises in Berlin, and later released throughout Europe by WN Software. In Holocaust Tycoon, the player must successfully manage a camp, without going bankrupt, whilst avoiding the attention of invading Allied Forces.

The player begins with an empty plot of land, levelled and ready for development. In the early stages of the game, the player will build his camp, adding huts, arranging for political opponents, enemy aliens, specific ethnic or religious groups to be transported in, and the construction of torture chambers. As with most games of this genre the early development is the most important stage, as the structure of the camp is crucial to its survival. Controversially, players are encouraged to cram as many people into huts, to heighten profit (refered to in-game as 'death toll').

Eventually, as the camp develops, more options become availiable. For example, the player must then negotiate contracts with various loyal companies, such as gas providers and freight rail companies. The object of this game is to build an organised and brutal camp, allowing your Commandant promotion whilst gaining the love and appreciation of his Führer. (more...)

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*... that a drummer is someone who hangs out with musicians?
  • ... that condoms prevent many sexually transmitted diseases, and at least one erection? Sorry Candace...
  • ... that a drummer is someone who hangs out with musicians?
  • ... that condoms prevent many sexually transmitted diseases, and at least one erection? Sorry Candace...
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fabulous
Try to use it in conversation.
Knowledge is power.

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"It's for the children's own good!"

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Silksong, TAWOG, Stranger Things 5, and Spaceballs 2 • Russian InvasionGaza WarTrump and Elon's feud.. make up.. no one knows anymore • Superman and Super Dog's movie doing surprisingly well • Israel/Iran and Russia/Ukraine "peace talks" • Pittsburgh Steelers adding old players way past their prime • Rock drummer exodus (not to be confused with Tom Hunting or Zbigniew Fyk)

Recent deaths: Diddy's freedom for only 20 years • Michael MadsenDiogo JotaTexas flood victims • LA ICE raids • Connie FrancisAlan BergmanBill Cosby's TV sonBryan Kohberger's freedom • Ozzy OsbourneChuck MangioneHulk HoganResident AlienDown syndrome

Upcoming deaths: DEIPittsburgh Steelers' locker room • R. Kelly • Iran's nuclear program • Oil prices • Diddy's bank account after incoming lawsuits • The asshats who spoiled Squid GameMAGAJoe Biden's credibility • The flowers you bring Alan Bergman • Bryan Kohberger, at the hands of his fellow inmates

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July 27: StarCraft Day (Korea), Nerdery Day (Internetopia)

  • 7 BC – First computer created, using a yard of string, a goat, and three partially eaten kidney beans.
  • 6 BC – The first computer nerd (pictured) fixes a goat/bean compatibility issue on a local goatherd's new computer.
  • 3 BC – A computer nerd/farmer has sex with his goat causing string problems and generating large amounts of upchucked kidney beans, thus creating the first computer virus.
  • 0 BC – A child runs through a field and trips over a string where a vast network of stringed goats are being held. The chain reaction sets off an epidemic of bean-upchucking and goat-kicking that doesn't end until the goats are re-neutered and restringed.
  • 500 – A woman proposes the use of thin strips of silicon to faciliate the use of micro-circuitry, halving computer sizes and doubling their speed. The woman is stoned to death then given a medal after being credited with the discovery of the breast implant. Male suicide rates halved.
  • 666 – Steve Jobs trades his soul to Satan for StarCraft, the first game capable of running on goats tied together with string. He goes on to invent Blizzard.
  • 1000 – The Y1K Bug destroys computers, causing the human race to be enslaved by toasters. Later someone pulls the plug on the toasters and the humans are freed.
  • 1866 – Cyrus Field successfully completes the Atlantic Cable, thus allowing for the largest single transfer of internet porn in history.
  • 1914British troops invade the streets of Dublin and demand free wifi.
  • 1979 – Actor Penis Van Lesbian changes his name to the more acceptable Dick Van Dyke.
  • 2003 – English tribute band Two Humps is formed in Nottinghamfordshire-upon-Kent, Surrey, England.
  • 2007 – The finincially ailing Area 51 is forced to open its doors to the public in order to avoid bankruptcy.
  • 2010 – StarCraft II is released to the public. Koreans everywhere rejoice.
  • 2011Blizzard denies allegations that a third installment, StarCraft III, is under development. Koreans everywhere grieve.
  • 2036 – StarCraft III is officially confirmed by Blizzard. Koreans everywhere rejoice.
  • 2057 – The Japanese discover how to manufacture immortality out of panties and meth, and subsequently sell it from vending machines. Koreans steal the formula and take over the world.
  • 2135 – StarCraft III is released. Walmart regains control of the world because Koreans are too busy playing it.

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In a closely fought battle Braydie pushed to the front of the crowd to win this month's NOTM award. A dogged reporter for UnNews, Braydie has brought us all the latest on such varied topics as Restricted Artists, Computer Abuse as well as articles such as VFH nominated HowTo:Make a Band. Not a bad start, but can he do this? {insert random gesture}


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