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My name is Patrick Henry. I'm writing this myself. An outsider might leave out crucial events, important nuances, and valuable coupons. I can't have that.

I was born into an old Virginia family. The Henrys of Red Hill have always been tobacco-growers, rum-runners, revolutionaries, and high-handed bastards.

In 1685 my grandfather rode a piebald gelding into the British governor's sitting room, put the point of a sabre in the man's left nostril, and told him that unless he wanted a perforated brainpan he'd best quit quartering troops in the town. The governor commanded 10,000 soldiers but he buckled at the knees.

My grandfather later sent him a case of Cuban rum. The governor had it burned, and my grandfather never spoke to him again.

It was in the fertile shade of such family legends that I grew up. (more...)

Recently featured: Holocaust Tycoon - The Free World - Prog Rock - The Annual One-Day-Only Winter Holidays Earlybird 5:00 AM 99% Off Sale - UnBooks:Pulp Novel, the case of the dashing dame


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Holocaust Tycoon is a simulation computer game, released for Windows XP in 2006. It was developed by Ka-tzetnik Enterprises in Berlin, and later released throughout Europe by WN Software. In Holocaust Tycoon, the player must successfully manage a camp, without going bankrupt, whilst avoiding the attention of invading Allied Forces.

The player begins with an empty plot of land, levelled and ready for development. In the early stages of the game, the player will build his camp, adding huts, arranging for political opponents, enemy aliens, specific ethnic or religious groups to be transported in, and the construction of torture chambers. As with most games of this genre the early development is the most important stage, as the structure of the camp is crucial to its survival. Controversially, players are encouraged to cram as many people into huts, to heighten profit (refered to in-game as 'death toll').

Eventually, as the camp develops, more options become availiable. For example, the player must then negotiate contracts with various loyal companies, such as gas providers and freight rail companies. The object of this game is to build an organised and brutal camp, allowing your Commandant promotion whilst gaining the love and appreciation of his Führer. (more...)

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  • ... that if you put an ear up to a person's leg you can hear them say, "What the fuck are you doing?"
  • ... that I am inside your walls?
  • ... that we must nuke the whales, or the hippies will win?
  • ... that the great Wall Street Crash of 1929 led to many opportunities for great photography of homeless people and farmers covered in dust the following years?
  • ... that if I had to describe myself in three words, I would say "not very good at maths"?
  • ... that a simile is like a metaphor? And hyperbole is the greatest thing ever?
  • ... that not all πr². There are also many π that r rounded?
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  • ... that the entire army of Liechtenstein consists of 3 soldiers? (Pictured)
  • ... that a Pie Chart is the most delicious way of visually conveying information?
  • ... that telling someone you masturbated to their Facebook picture is frowned upon in society?
  • ... that you just lost the Game?
  • ... that Kitten Huffing is a popular, though controversial, alternative to street drugs such as skag and crank?
  • ... that it takes a great amount of sexual commitment to get a computer turned on, but once your computer is properly aroused, it can offer you some of the greatest sexual thrills you may ever experience?
  • ... that anyone who dies at Disneyland receives a free lifetime pass?
  • ... that while laughter is the best medicine, many cancer patients prefer chemotherapy?
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  • ... that if you put an ear up to a person's leg you can hear them say, "What the fuck are you doing?"
  • ... that I am inside your walls?
  • ... that we must nuke the whales, or the hippies will win?
  • ... that the great Wall Street Crash of 1929 led to many opportunities for great photography of homeless people and farmers covered in dust the following years?
  • ... that if I had to describe myself in three words, I would say "not very good at maths"?
  • ... that a simile is like a metaphor? And hyperbole is the greatest thing ever?
  • ... that not all πr². There are also many π that r rounded?
689509 military parade 2.jpg
  • ... that the entire army of Liechtenstein consists of 3 soldiers? (Pictured)
  • ... that a Pie Chart is the most delicious way of visually conveying information?
  • ... that telling someone you masturbated to their Facebook picture is frowned upon in society?
  • ... that you just lost the Game?
  • ... that Kitten Huffing is a popular, though controversial, alternative to street drugs such as skag and crank?
  • ... that it takes a great amount of sexual commitment to get a computer turned on, but once your computer is properly aroused, it can offer you some of the greatest sexual thrills you may ever experience?
  • ... that anyone who dies at Disneyland receives a free lifetime pass?
  • ... that while laughter is the best medicine, many cancer patients prefer chemotherapy?
N1.jpg
  • ... that if you put an ear up to a person's leg you can hear them say, "What the fuck are you doing?"
  • ... that I am inside your walls?
  • ... that we must nuke the whales, or the hippies will win?
  • ... that the great Wall Street Crash of 1929 led to many opportunities for great photography of homeless people and farmers covered in dust the following years?
  • ... that if I had to describe myself in three words, I would say "not very good at maths"?
  • ... that a simile is like a metaphor? And hyperbole is the greatest thing ever?
  • ... that not all πr². There are also many π that r rounded?
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fabulous
Try to use it in conversation.
Knowledge is power.

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Chuck Norris didn't die, Death got Chuck Norris'd.

Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein FilesWar Special Combat Operation in Iran • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed • Impossibly long lines at American airports

Recent deaths: BuffyXander HarrisRobert Mueller • Transgender self-identity in India • *DMV* - the TV show, not the actual DMV. It ended on a cliffhanger: Everyone was still waiting for their number to be called. • Mr. Strickland

Upcoming deaths: IranMahmoud AhmadinejadAtlanta Falcons • Streetsigns with Cesar Chavez's name • TSA agents' bank accounts and sanity • Sora

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*Sheev scream*

March 29: National Treason Day

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§ǚρωξλ£μĦΦφ≈€ƏξßÐÆØΞ wrote Double Ristretto Venti Half-Soy Nonfat Decaf Organic Chocolate Brownie Iced Vanilla Double-Shot Gingerbread Frappuccino Extra Hot With Foam Whipped Cream Upside Down Double Blended, One Sweet'N Low and One Nutrasweet, and Ice... (entry out of space)


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In a closely fought battle Braydie pushed to the front of the crowd to win this month's NOTM award. A dogged reporter for UnNews, Braydie has brought us all the latest on such varied topics as Restricted Artists, Computer Abuse as well as articles such as VFH nominated HowTo:Make a Band. Not a bad start, but can he do this? {insert random gesture}


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