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My name is Patrick Henry. I'm writing this myself. An outsider might leave out crucial events, important nuances, and valuable coupons. I can't have that.

I was born into an old Virginia family. The Henrys of Red Hill have always been tobacco-growers, rum-runners, revolutionaries, and high-handed bastards.

In 1685 my grandfather rode a piebald gelding into the British governor's sitting room, put the point of a sabre in the man's left nostril, and told him that unless he wanted a perforated brainpan he'd best quit quartering troops in the town. The governor commanded 10,000 soldiers but he buckled at the knees.

My grandfather later sent him a case of Cuban rum. The governor had it burned, and my grandfather never spoke to him again.

It was in the fertile shade of such family legends that I grew up. (more...)

Recently featured: Holocaust Tycoon - The Free World - Prog Rock - The Annual One-Day-Only Winter Holidays Earlybird 5:00 AM 99% Off Sale - UnBooks:Pulp Novel, the case of the dashing dame


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Holocaust Tycoon is a simulation computer game, released for Windows XP in 2006. It was developed by Ka-tzetnik Enterprises in Berlin, and later released throughout Europe by WN Software. In Holocaust Tycoon, the player must successfully manage a camp, without going bankrupt, whilst avoiding the attention of invading Allied Forces.

The player begins with an empty plot of land, levelled and ready for development. In the early stages of the game, the player will build his camp, adding huts, arranging for political opponents, enemy aliens, specific ethnic or religious groups to be transported in, and the construction of torture chambers. As with most games of this genre the early development is the most important stage, as the structure of the camp is crucial to its survival. Controversially, players are encouraged to cram as many people into huts, to heighten profit (refered to in-game as 'death toll').

Eventually, as the camp develops, more options become availiable. For example, the player must then negotiate contracts with various loyal companies, such as gas providers and freight rail companies. The object of this game is to build an organised and brutal camp, allowing your Commandant promotion whilst gaining the love and appreciation of his Führer. (more...)

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  • ... that you wash your ass not your pussy (Pictured) in the Bidet?
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  • ... that male and female giraffes have been banned from living together in the New York City Zoo since 1975? (Pictured)
Bidet1.jpg
  • ... that you wash your ass not your pussy (Pictured) in the Bidet?
Giraffe love.jpg
  • ... that male and female giraffes have been banned from living together in the New York City Zoo since 1975? (Pictured)
Bidet1.jpg
  • ... that you wash your ass not your pussy (Pictured) in the Bidet?
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fabulous
Try to use it in conversation.
Knowledge is power.

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He literally fought nail and tooth for Team America

Ongoing: Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • Fallout from the Epstein Filesr/TheDarnold still having a massive field day • NFL fans experiencing withdrawal symptoms with the season now over • Team Canada rethinking life

Recent deaths: Brad ArnoldNFL season • Winter OlympicsSome kid from some movie you probably forgot existed, but had a funny titleJames Van Der Beek (Not Dick Van Dyke, Ashley Roberts from the Pussycat Dolls!) • Robert DuvallKurt Van Dyke (not Dick) • Jesse JacksonYouTubeTom NoonanEric DaneMelania Trump's big movie star career • Team Canada hockey, twice, AND their curling team • Some Nerd named Robert Carradine

Not dead: Dick Van Dyke, who's 100, bitches!! (Not to be confused with James Van Der Beek) • Quinton Reviews

Upcoming deaths: Donald TrumpNYC's economy and snow handling capability • WeedDick van Dyke, eventually • Dancin' MaduroIran's government • The careers of everyone named in the Epstein Files • the US government, again • Warner Bros. (?) • A Las Vegas hotel that no one's going to rememberMexico

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“Damn it, how will I ever get out of this labyrinth?”

February 26: Famous Last Words Day

  • 323 BC - “You assholes better not split up my Empire right after I die.” – Alexander the Great
  • 1642 - “Sticking up for your beliefs ain't worth it kids.” – Galileo Galilei
  • 1900 - “I should probably say something clever and biting yet also moving and oh shit my spleen.” – Oscar Wilde
  • 1945 - “I can't move my legs, oh God I can't move my legs! Nah, I'm just fucking with you.” – Franklin D. Roosevelt
  • 1955 - “Oh Scheiße, meine windel ist voll! Oh Gott, ich spüre, wie die wässrigen Poop-Flüssigkeiten meine hose hinunterrinnen.” – Albert Einstein
  • 1963 - “Feels kinda stuffy, let's take down the roof of the car, will ya?” – John F. Kennedy
  • 1968 - “Maybe there's still hope for white people after all.” – Martin Luther King, Jr.
  • 1994 - “I still don't get why they called me tricky dick. My name's Richard, not tricky.” – Richard Nixon
  • 2001 - “Goddamnit, maybe that seatbelt was a good idea after all.” – Dale Earnhardt
  • 2025 - “Alright, time to pull out this pack of ciggies-- now, which kind of petrol did I need?” – You

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In a closely fought battle Braydie pushed to the front of the crowd to win this month's NOTM award. A dogged reporter for UnNews, Braydie has brought us all the latest on such varied topics as Restricted Artists, Computer Abuse as well as articles such as VFH nominated HowTo:Make a Band. Not a bad start, but can he do this? {insert random gesture}


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