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My name is Patrick Henry. I'm writing this myself. An outsider might leave out crucial events, important nuances, and valuable coupons. I can't have that.

I was born into an old Virginia family. The Henrys of Red Hill have always been tobacco-growers, rum-runners, revolutionaries, and high-handed bastards.

In 1685 my grandfather rode a piebald gelding into the British governor's sitting room, put the point of a sabre in the man's left nostril, and told him that unless he wanted a perforated brainpan he'd best quit quartering troops in the town. The governor commanded 10,000 soldiers but he buckled at the knees.

My grandfather later sent him a case of Cuban rum. The governor had it burned, and my grandfather never spoke to him again.

It was in the fertile shade of such family legends that I grew up. (more...)

Recently featured: Holocaust Tycoon - The Free World - Prog Rock - The Annual One-Day-Only Winter Holidays Earlybird 5:00 AM 99% Off Sale - UnBooks:Pulp Novel, the case of the dashing dame


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Holocaust Tycoon is a simulation computer game, released for Windows XP in 2006. It was developed by Ka-tzetnik Enterprises in Berlin, and later released throughout Europe by WN Software. In Holocaust Tycoon, the player must successfully manage a camp, without going bankrupt, whilst avoiding the attention of invading Allied Forces.

The player begins with an empty plot of land, levelled and ready for development. In the early stages of the game, the player will build his camp, adding huts, arranging for political opponents, enemy aliens, specific ethnic or religious groups to be transported in, and the construction of torture chambers. As with most games of this genre the early development is the most important stage, as the structure of the camp is crucial to its survival. Controversially, players are encouraged to cram as many people into huts, to heighten profit (refered to in-game as 'death toll').

Eventually, as the camp develops, more options become availiable. For example, the player must then negotiate contracts with various loyal companies, such as gas providers and freight rail companies. The object of this game is to build an organised and brutal camp, allowing your Commandant promotion whilst gaining the love and appreciation of his Führer. (more...)

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  • ... that in Baltimore, Maryland, it is a violation of statute to dress up as a clown and to make fun balloon animals to give to children and molest them with?
  • ... you're so fat, that if you don't stop, within a month you're gonna have a heart attack or stroke?
  • ... that sex in the ear canal is called CANAL (pronounced like anal but with a C in the beginning)?
  • ... tennis isn't just a game?
  • ... that hitting your kids may be beneficial to their health, or at the very least amusing to you?
  • ... that Obama's last name is [REDACTED]?
  • ... You can do anything with creativity, determination, and the exploitation of the working class?
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  • ... that Robert Shaw won the Northeast Regional Dogfishing Open in 1974, the first sporting event to be broadcast on the new ESPN network?
  • ... that there is no consensus among experts on vice presidential history that Al Gore exists?
  • ... that reading this DYK suggestion just wasted 10 seconds of your life?
  • ... that half of all American schoolchildren graduate in the bottom 50% of their class?
  • ... that the world will beat a path to your door if you build a better Mousetrap?
  • ... that the first use of "LOL" is in Shakespeare's play, As You Like It, and that the first use of "OMG" may be found in Macbeth?
  • ... that sheep shrink when it rains?
Weird schizophrenic.jpg
  • ... that in Baltimore, Maryland, it is a violation of statute to dress up as a clown and to make fun balloon animals to give to children and molest them with?
  • ... you're so fat, that if you don't stop, within a month you're gonna have a heart attack or stroke?
  • ... that sex in the ear canal is called CANAL (pronounced like anal but with a C in the beginning)?
  • ... tennis isn't just a game?
  • ... that hitting your kids may be beneficial to their health, or at the very least amusing to you?
  • ... that Obama's last name is [REDACTED]?
  • ... You can do anything with creativity, determination, and the exploitation of the working class?
Cat 6774.jpg
  • ... that Robert Shaw won the Northeast Regional Dogfishing Open in 1974, the first sporting event to be broadcast on the new ESPN network?
  • ... that there is no consensus among experts on vice presidential history that Al Gore exists?
  • ... that reading this DYK suggestion just wasted 10 seconds of your life?
  • ... that half of all American schoolchildren graduate in the bottom 50% of their class?
  • ... that the world will beat a path to your door if you build a better Mousetrap?
  • ... that the first use of "LOL" is in Shakespeare's play, As You Like It, and that the first use of "OMG" may be found in Macbeth?
  • ... that sheep shrink when it rains?
Weird schizophrenic.jpg
  • ... that in Baltimore, Maryland, it is a violation of statute to dress up as a clown and to make fun balloon animals to give to children and molest them with?
  • ... you're so fat, that if you don't stop, within a month you're gonna have a heart attack or stroke?
  • ... that sex in the ear canal is called CANAL (pronounced like anal but with a C in the beginning)?
  • ... tennis isn't just a game?
  • ... that hitting your kids may be beneficial to their health, or at the very least amusing to you?
  • ... that Obama's last name is [REDACTED]?
  • ... You can do anything with creativity, determination, and the exploitation of the working class?
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fabulous
Try to use it in conversation.
Knowledge is power.

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Chuck Norris didn't die, Death got Chuck Norris'd.

Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein FilesWar Special Combat Operation in Iran • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed • March Madness Final Four

Recent deaths: Robert MuellerTransgender self-identity in India • Mr. StricklandC.B. Buckner's carreer as an MLB ump • Duke's basketball season • Jesus

Upcoming deaths: Mahmoud AhmadinejadAtlanta Falcons • Streetsigns with Cesar Chavez's name • SoraTiger Woods' driver's license and career.. fuck it, his life can go too • Holostars JP

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The Rite of Spring, you had to read the alt text to get it didn't you

April 3: Vivaldi Appreciation Day

  • 1220 - Rampaging crusaders drive a trebuchet through the walls of two towers in Ancient Syria.
  • 1666 - Sir Marquis Baron Vivaldi walks to the crossroad and sells his soul to Satan
  • 1888 - Vivaldi composes new record "A Change of Four Seasons", inspired by regressive metal band Dream Theater.
  • 1945 - Scientists discover that if you play John Cage's 4'33" backward you'll hear someone cough, but backwards.
  • 1974 - Tornadoes sweep the U.S.A, inspiring the invention of the tumble drier.
  • 1986 - D.J. murder rate at all-time high, blamed on the provocative lyrics of The Smiths.
  • 1996 - Ted Kaczynski, the Unabomber, is arrested for crimes against tasteful nomenclature, and killing like six people.


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§ǚρωξλ£μĦΦφ≈€ƏξßÐÆØΞ wrote Double Ristretto Venti Half-Soy Nonfat Decaf Organic Chocolate Brownie Iced Vanilla Double-Shot Gingerbread Frappuccino Extra Hot With Foam Whipped Cream Upside Down Double Blended, One Sweet'N Low and One Nutrasweet, and Ice... (entry out of space)


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In a closely fought battle Braydie pushed to the front of the crowd to win this month's NOTM award. A dogged reporter for UnNews, Braydie has brought us all the latest on such varied topics as Restricted Artists, Computer Abuse as well as articles such as VFH nominated HowTo:Make a Band. Not a bad start, but can he do this? {insert random gesture}


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