User:TheHumbucker/Talk Page Archive 2

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Why?

Man, why did you remove my UnNew from the recnent news? Why?!! The god is angry, and it`s no good. I can see a dark and unhappy future for your head. Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 13:13, 15 May, 2011 (UTC)

I removed your UnNews story from the Main Page box because, as UnNews, I didn't think it delivered, for several reasons. Firstly, it's about something that happened inside Uncyclopedia, which is blatantly self-serving and shouldn't have a place on the Main Page. UnNews is the place for news or fake news, not Uncyclopedia inside jokes about things no one else could possibly know about. Secondly, I didn't find it remotely funny. There really isn't a concept to the article and I couldn't isolate any jokes. Granted, I'm not someone who laughs out loud while reading, but I just found this story boring. Thirdly, it's poorly written; I had trouble figuring out what it was all about, and by the time I got to the end I was just confused. So I moved it out of the Main Page box because it doesn't merit the kind of exposure the Main Page gives and it makes the rest of the site look bad (we want new readers to stumble on our best pages so they keep coming back, and the Main Page is where they do the stumbling). I could've edited it, but that's what the last UnNews editor did and no one liked it very much. I also could've userspaced it but, well, same story on that.

If you have anything to add, please do so - I'm just beginning to get involved with editing the UnNews section of Uncyclopedia, and would love some feedback on my methods. But also know that I have no second thoughts about removing your story from the Main Page. ~  Talk 16:43, 15 May 2011 (UTC)

Whee... Okay, I got the point. I suck at english... (Was that feedback enough?) Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 05:07, 16 May, 2011 (UTC)

And this... thing, was very similar with the Playstation network-thing or something. That Anonymous thing attacked against it, sented a similar message to them like in my story`s end, two of the guilty guys are now in cart, hopefully, and the whole group divided into two smaller groups because of that PSN-hackering. I hope it makes the page a bit clearer. After all, that story is just about some stupid inside-jokes and things that a normal person like you could`nt understand. At all. Anyway. I understand your point. Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 05:12, 16 May, 2011 (UTC)

Glad to see we're in agreement, and that it's the cohesion of the story that could use some work, then. ~  Talk 23:14, 16 May 2011 (UTC)

I disagree with your ED sentiment, and the bias that it presents. (Maybe. Who in the hell am I to levy such accusations your way?)

And if I were Modus I would immediately put up my ED template. But alas, I am not Modus, and putting up his ED template just wouldn't be right, you know what I mean, man? (Or woman? We just met, and I can't profess to know one way or the other.) I am not petty enough to put the pic back up, but I figured I could voice my displeasure in this hopefully un-dickish and drama-free way. Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 06:48, May 17, 2011 (UTC)

I really appreciate the mature way you're going about this (like, seriously. You have no idea how refreshing I find it to have this discussion without, well, you know...).

Yes, I took the picture off of the front page UnNews box because I thought it was too much in the ED style and not enough in the Uncyclopedia vein. Call it biased because I really don't like ED's style of comedy, or call it unbiased because ED is pure shock comedy, while Uncyclopedia is meant to more satirical and subtle, and I found the photo to be a bit too heavy. That said, I thought the story itself was rather well done (which is why I only took the picture from the main page box and not the story itself), even if the attitude it satirizes is a bit dated. As much as I don't like comedy taking making the derogatory turn you made, it was effective and it fit in with the point you were making, which is what satire is all about.

One thing that I think would really work would be to remake the photo, take out the lettering and just have the original photo. Save that as a different file and then use that new one as the photo in the UnNews box. Leave the chopped version, the one you've got now, in the article itself. It would deliver your point effectively by not giving away the joke at the beginning with the photo you've got now. Let me know what you think, or just make the change and I'll assume that you've agreed. Or you could get some lunch first. If you grab lunch, can you pick me up a latte? No whip cream. ~  Talk 20:09, 17 May 2011 (UTC)

Uh, ok.

My conversation with Lyrithia was over though. I am reading over my story. --PoopManPoop 21:01, May 17, 2011 (UTC)

Ahh, edit conflict. Sorry it took me so long to get this up. ~  Talk 21:04, 17 May 2011 (UTC)

UnNews:Deranged scientist shocks world, himself

Thanks for the UnNews! Let's get right down to it, then...

First off, you got some nice distance out of this idea; 3 sizeable paragraphs all on one theme is pretty good. Props for that; a lot of newer contributors put like 5 lines in a story and run it out there and it pisses me off to no end. So good effort, and I appreciate that.

That said, it could still use some work. The grammatical errors are easily fixable and are really not a big deal. However, what I'm more concerned about is the article's concept. This is the theme of the article, it's what you're saying, it's the big joke of the piece. Here, you seem to be making fun of Stephen Hawking by... I think you're making him say evolution is a farce? It's kind of confusing; the little bits of humor are there - making the old Hawk a bad-ass and the other side jokes/one liners in the article - but the main piece of the article, the big concept that the other smaller elements of humor should be branching off from, just isn't well developed. Ask yourself What am I saying? and What is this about? while you rewrite the story. Think of this story as a tree; it's got a bunch of great branches, but there's no trunk.

I've taken the article down from the UnNews page and userspaced it so you can work on it without it being visible on the main site. I'm also watching the page to see what kind of progress you make. Feel free to ask questions here. ~  Talk 21:04, 17 May 2011 (UTC)

Yeah. Thanks man. I know I didn't think of anything to be honest. I know it is supposed to be saying something. But it isn't. i just wrote a random news piece which would, you know, be 'very funny if it was real' concept. I am looking into the grammatical flaws as we're speaking though. Honestly I couldn't find a topic worth writing, so making up a completely random story really appealed, because I didn't really have anything else. What do you mean you userspaced it? One of these days somebody got to explain to me what userspace is, because the help article on it is really no help. How do I check what articles I have written? --PoopManPoop 21:22, May 17, 2011 (UTC)

I know it can be improved, but I am yet to have adequately learned how to. I can see some flaws too. Oh Blah! I will reread it and try to make it funnier. Thanks--PoopManPoop 21:32, May 17, 2011 (UTC)

Thanks a lot oh wise one. I will be in touch. Yours Truly 21:32, May 17, 2011 (UTC)

There's nothing wrong with random. Some of my favorite articles on the site are random. But managing to write a successful random article is a lot about just getting lucky, whereas writing a well done, satirical one is much more about the talent. And the beauty of UnNews is it doesn't even have to be real; some of my best stories are completely made up. My recommendation is to start by reading some actual news and find a story that you feel strongly about; use one as a starting point or inspiration and just go.

Coming back to your article, though... I'm going through the story and making some comments in the margins (I'm writing in italicized, bold font), asking questions and adding other suggestions to let you know how I'd recommend writing the story. Feel free to use or not use anything I say; it's still your story.

As for userspacing articles... Note how your story has "User:PoopManPoop/" and then the article name. If a page is a work in progress, always keep it in your userspace because as soon as you mainspace it, it can be read/judged by other users, regular readers, and admins. If it isn't up to snuff, it can be sent to VFD, where people vote on whether to delete it or not. By keeping a page in your userspace, you don't have to worry about other people and can just edit it on you own until you're satisfied with it. Add a link to the userspaced article on your user page so you can find it quick when you want to continue writing it. And if you want to create a userspace page, type "User:PoopManPoop/" and then the page name into the search field and say "create this page." Hope this helps, ~  Talk 22:47, 17 May 2011 (UTC)

Uh, ok. But where are you leaving the comments? I am not able to see any. PoopManPoop 23:28, May 17, 2011 (UTC)

Again, sorry it took me so long. People pick the absolute worst time to suddenly need a ride to the hospital. ~  Talk 03:23, 18 May 2011 (UTC)

Alright, I finally got my critique up. Unfortunately, because I had to leave in such a rush earlier and left the editing box open, we had an edit conflict when you made some changes to the article. What I ended up doing was basically reverting your minor changes to accommodate my critique so I didn't have to copy/paste a few dozen times. Basically the article is now my critique of your second-to-last draft. You can get back the changes you made earlier by (hopefully after reading my suggestions) going to the "history" tab and hitting the "undo" button next to my revision (summarized "Critique"). Sorry again for the awful timing of this whole thing and hopefully the comments help you out with the story, ~  Talk 03:51, 18 May 2011 (UTC)

That review was pretty helpful and aye, now i see the flaws..I am going to make some changes. Thanks. And yeah, that was supposed to be my point yes, that Stephen Hawkings is as negligible in the larger scheme of things than the church or any other douchebag answer-giving establishment, though i didn't know how to put it in words then..Thanks i am working on it. and yes i did make some changes yesterday. Not big ones, but yeah. Thanks. I am on it..--PoopManPoop 12:43, May 18, 2011 (UTC)

Uh, excuse me. How the hell am i getting the move button on the top when I'm not yet 90 days and 100 edits old?..I'm in no way complaining but just asking..--PoopManPoop 12:52, May 18, 2011 (UTC)

I really don't know how long you have to have an account for to make the move button work; I just noticed that it was there one day. So congratulations, whatever level of achievement you needed to get it has been, well, achieved I guess. ~  Talk 20:22, 18 May 2011 (UTC)

To be able to move pages, you have to be an autoconfirmed user, as is explained here and here. Schamschi, 15:06, May 28, 2011 (UTC)

The previous section is smothered to death

And also, that penguins are the last species on this planet after cows who would do something evil, so thats why i chose penguins. The very idea of them, and not aliens or goblins, conspiring against us struck me as pretty funny. I might be wrong, but thats why i chose penguins is what I am telling youPoopManPoop 15:51, May 18, 2011 (UTC)::

I re did the sotory. Tell me how it is now. PoopManPoop 18:02, May 18, 2011 (UTC)

I agree completely with the penguins idea - they're so unassuming that they must be plotting a world takeover.

Here's what I mean about a needlessly complex narrative, though: The setting for the action/story in your piece jumps around a lot, and in this case it's confusing to the reader. You can simplify it by stripping the logistics of your story to the bare essentials - all you really need to make this story work is an interview with Hawking.

My recommendation: Make the story a report of a lecture by Hawking. Set it in an auditorium or something like that. Bam, you never have to move the scene now. Get rid of the truck and put the penguins in a cage on stage and have Hawking recount his journey to Antarctica. Then have him turn to his maid and make his demands, completely forgetting that he's wearing a wireless mic. Then have a counter interview with the Pope, who weighs in to disagree with Hawking. It's trims down the scene changes, eliminates the need to waste space setting up a new location, minimizes reader confusion as they adapt to a new setting and makes the story read more like news. ~  Talk 20:37, 18 May 2011 (UTC)

How do I put that robotic check mate scene in a speech?--PoopManPoop 21:36, May 18, 2011 (UTC)

Some people read while on the can. Hawking would totally play chess. ~  Talk 21:39, 18 May 2011 (UTC)

Yeah he has his chair to make the robotic sound too.:D--PoopManPoop 21:41, May 18, 2011 (UTC)

UnSignpost

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May 19th, 2011 • Issue 121 • The place where news goes to die!

Voting Takes a Back Seat By Chief Recently the UnSignpost has been made aware of an alarming development with potentially devastating consequences: Voting for monthly awards is less important than drama. As everyone flocked to the forums this week to register their morally outraged stance at the present system or at the people who are morally outraged at the present system, the UnSignpost headed to the award pages that time forgot, to take in the atmosphere and canvas the nominations for this month. The first page we looked at was Playwright of the month, an award for the author of the best UnScript this month. Recipients of this award have provided pretty much every UnScript ever due to the general lack of UnScript articles churned out every month. The last winner was Guildensternenstein, back in February, and since then voting has descended into n00b of the month territory as this month's nominee Ljlego storms ahead of the pack of er... nobody with a score of "Your Dad is Bi". Meanwhile, Article Narrator of the Month is even more desolate, with no nominees for this month and the last winner being Electrified mocha chinchilla, a situation which is commonly agreed that it is a death knell for absolutely any award. Our experts believe that the lack of recorded articles is because no blind people read Uncyclopedia, and nobody wants their article read to them by Electrified mocha chinchilla; it would be like a bed-time story from hell. The "only blind people need audio because everybody else has a pair of eyes" label has also been ascribed (by a highly paid team of consultants and I) to the Emmanuel Goldstein Award of Excellence in the Distribution of Misinformation, which this month is being contested by a user who isn't here and Dexter111344; unsurprisingly, Dexter is losing (why break the habbit of a lifetime?). Ultimately there are hundreds of awards starving to death on Uncyclopedia as newer users have no idea they exist; there are hundreds of shiny baubles on offer for a user with the will to go out and get them. Incidentally, VFH, UotM, VFP, VFD, NotM, WotM and RotM could use some attention, too. Remember, voting lubricates the gears and cogs of Uncyclopedia and you wouldn't want Uncyclopedia to break, would you? Also we have a huge selection of ninjastars just rusting over here. Somebody you know must deserve one! The Forum By Chief Since we have been forced to accept that the forums aren't an entirely useless part of the website, we have decided to quickly zip through without talking to anybody, naturally, and bring you the most happeningest news from this correspondent's least favourite namespace, save for UnDictionary (It's just words, I can't stand words). First up and most important, or so we are told, is the vote for Unimage of the year. Apparently, some of you have been failing in your voting duties, and we would like to single out one person who has failed to vote on this page and that is JackOfSpades. Now, JackOfSpades has been around for the last week and yet he has not voted; the UnSignpost and the expectant world call on JackOfSpades to come forward and explain exactly what he thinks he is playing at. Now while JackOfSpades has been highlighted for his crippling laziness, it could just as easily have been you: Sycamore/Sonje/Romartus. We're going to turn off the lights on the page and when we turn them back on, if some votes just happen to have appeared we'll say no more about it. It would obviously be entirely wrong not to mention the drama we have had on the forum this week, so here goes: There has been some drama on the forum this week. Happy Thursday.

Check out these pages! Like, yeah It's just words We will be linking to this page forever A page I found on recent changes while trying to decide what to put in this space From our logs Roman Dog Bird Special: 06:24, August 1, 2008 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 17 years ‎ (I HAET MAHSELF!!!!!) 03:39, May 15, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked Hihyyy (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (i love your teacher too) 21:11, January 26, 2010 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 138.163.128.42 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (No. No I won't give Joe a dollar.) 04:15, February 14, 2010 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 71.79.173.10 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (LOLOL MAN TIMMAAAAYYYY! HEY THEY KILLED KENNY!!! IS IT THE YEAR 2000 ALL OVER AGAIN?!?!?!?!?!) 23:37, August 10, 2010 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked XmabrosX (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Overall, this user is fucking stupid and has no meaning what so ever. Who ever made him is a fucking idiot and deserves to die and go suck a fuck. Now I will make him angry.) 00:29, February 19, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (YEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHH FUCK YOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) 00:18, June 21, 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked Mr. Niceguy (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Do you see my penis? Here, I'll pull it out! LOOK AT IT DANGLE, FAGGOT!) Biopic of the Week As the UnSignpost staff gathered forlornly in my house this week to thrash out the biopic of the week, we were entirely shocked to discover that there was a user patiently awaiting his turn at the biopic. That user is TheHumbucker, who is a very promising user. Why? I hear you say. Well, because TheHumbucker has not only written 5, that's 5 as in the number between 4 and 6, featured articles, but has also done so quietly and without fuss. Splendid. We'd tell you where you can find him normally, but we haven't a clue since this is the first time we have heard of him; he suggests he might be Irish so those of you wishing to find him could try Ireland, or the other end of a rainbow. According to TheHumbucker: "Comedy is serious shit." Clearly he is only here until he remembers his Wikipedia log in. Newsroom UnTune of the week Johnny Feelgood and the Latex Minions LIVE at the Big Corporate Superdome

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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 00:10, 19 May 2011

Nope

No I don't think I would be able to accommodate all the best jokes in the article into the speech theme. Lets go about it another way. I am working on coherence first, to make all the scenes bled into each other. Letssee. --PoopManPoop 15:24, May 19, 2011 (UTC)

And also I would like to write an article about the supposed rupture on this 21, or 22. Lets see how that goes.--PoopManPoop 15:43, May 19, 2011 (UTC)

I am unable to write the article because i dont know how to start it as i couldnt find any news which directly quotes a speech. I don't think I can improve on this article because I don't know how to start. You want to do a collab with me on it or something?--PoopManPoop 16:26, May 21, 2011 (UTC)

Hello Humby

Congrats on getting the UnNews czar job as successor to Spike. Personally, I think Spike will be one of those lurkers who shows up every 8 months to say a brief 'hi'. It was his time to go, after ZB scared him off. Anyways, that's not why i'm here. I was wondering if I can be your appointed assistant to the UnNews, i'm pretty good with formatting, and i'm starting to get good with coding. Would you like an assistant? -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 00:49, 23 May 2011

No. We've got a committee kind of thing running and all the slots are filled with users that have more than 19 UnNews edits. However, if you want to show off your formatting skills, take a peek at the list of ugly pages that we've got and give them a whirl. ~  Talk 02:18, 23 May 2011 (UTC)

Committee, WTF? And there is no UnNews czar. SPIKE was and hopefully will be a good editor for the page, but when people went against his views he seemed fine with it, although he put in his two or twelve cents (when he had them). And who is the committee, where did it come from all of two suddens, etc. More data please. That all said, you will probably do a great job, I have no doubt of that, but please remember the wikihood of this site. If Lollipop or someone has "offered" to "help" on a wikiproject, it's his right to do what he can until crushed like a bug, which I agree he should be. And I answered your note on my talk page too. Thanks. Aleister 3:30 24-5-'11

p.s. Scanning the above, lots of PoopManPoop stuff! Nice work in guiding a new user! Tedious, though, but someone has to do it.

Yeah he's been shit helpful man. Hey check the penguin article again. I took an other direction altogether which i thought would be better.--PoopManPoop 15:19, May 24, 2011 (UTC)

And i put the 21 year old poses as newborn article on VFH. With some changes of course. PoopManPoop 16:04, May 24, 2011 (UTC)

Good work on the penguin article. I think the new direction could definitely work out, and looks like it will if you keep it going the way you have it right now. Also, general rule of thumb, self nominations for VFH are typically frowned upon. It's up there now, though, so let's see how it plays out, but don't have too high expectations (and in the future, don't let on that you'll "accept feedback" for a VFH nom; if you're putting it up for featuring, let on that it's as good as you could possibly make it). ~  Talk 18:52, 24 May 2011 (UTC)

But the guide on VFH said that self voting is allowed as well as encouraged. That's why i did too. And Everybody else is doing it on other VFH nominations too. And yeah, i didn't know if asking for feedback is also looked down upon. That was a mistake i should have thought of. I anyway am not looking for anything spectacular to happen. But at least some appreciation you know. It's my first thing after all :D --PoopManPoop 18:57, May 24, 2011 (UTC)

Self voting is fine, but self nominating tends to get you frowns. That said, the nom is going pretty well. ~  Talk 20:17, 24 May 2011 (UTC)

Tottallllyyyy wrong. Self noms are perfectly fine and encouraged. What you have to do. though,. for a self nom, is to put your page on pee review and then hopefully act on the review. If nobody reviews within seven days you can self-nom, but then you take the chance that any crapiness not handled from a pee review will be spotted and shat upon by the voters. But it's fine and encouraged to self nom. Aleister 20:25 24-5-'11

Yeah I have done all of that, acted on the review, improved it as per Magic man, the reviewer and all that shit. and yeah, TheHumbucker it is going well i guess. Let's hope a lotta people vote, f they find it worthwhile, of course. Thanks :)--PoopManPoop 20:42, May 24, 2011 (UTC)

Nice page, actually. Some articles flow pretty quickly, and others can be polished for months or even years (Funnybony edits some of his pages over decades!). Sometimes an article has to go through a few feature noms and a couple of pee reviews before it gets votes. I've found that I go back and look at my early pages and can easily improve them, so the art of writing on this wiki tends to aim towards improvement and learning as you write more and read other people's pages. The nomming process is condusive to both self and other-user noms. I used to have a personal policy of nomming one of my own and someone else's page at nearly the same time, and it's nice to see your noms of other users pages go through (especially if they are close to a Hall of Shame entrance, something else I used to look for). Nowadays I just nom my own stuff and to hell with everyone else, but that's only after they all ganged up on me and pantsed me in front of my mother, who then took advantage of the situation. It was horrible, so I'm just gonna concentrate on trying to get a few features from now on, and my mom can satisfy herself with my brothers and sisters. Aleister 21:04 24-5-'11

Yeah i know i am looking for articles in bad shape but a strong concept too. And hey, I know it's someone else's article but that someone else hasn't been around for years now and I wrote nearly all of it. So I am going to pretend it's my article except for the concept. You know not to get in a row with admins or anything, but yeah, you get what I am saying right. It's my baby

P.S. TheHumbucker: Didn't you like the article?. Do you have something I can change in it? To make it better or somming? Because you and magic man were the only people on whose direction I made the changes. --PoopManPoop 12:28, May 25, 2011 (UTC)

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May 26th, 2011 • Issue 122 • News? Where we're going we don't need news!

Weekly update By Chief The big news of the week is that Obama has gone to the UK to talk to some people about some important things. However, since we're stuck reporting on whatever you people have posted in the forums this week, we don't get to report on interesting things like that; we don't even have any blatant bias to crudely insert into any and all of our stories. Incidentally, asylum seekers are no help at all. But enough of those profound thoughts - let's talk Uncyclopedia! This week saw the return of Dawg. For those of you don't know, Dawg is an Uncyclopedian from the days of yore when Uncyclopedians sported in Elysium and all the problems lay ahead. Hurrah, welcome back Dawg. Deciding that the mere sight of his signature on talk pages did not send the appropriate spasms of joy to the loins of every active and inactive Uncyclopedian, Dawg decided to deop Lyrithya and ban her for two years, an action guaranteed to stir the loins of even the most miserable Uncyclopedian. Obviously this was an unforgivable abuse of power and the people demand cake; it's better for you than blood, supposedly. Dr. Skullthumper has also embarked on yet another voyage of busy work as his proposal to semi-protect all featured articles forever sailed through the forums on Wednesday. The UnSignpost is one hundred percent behind Dr. Skullthumper in this, his latest foray into "Doing what must be done despite you all," that is until someone decides it was a stupid idea two years from now, in which case Dr. Skullthumper is a twarse and a racist. In other news, Nachlader has sacked everyone due to Uncyclopedia's poor performance in the last fiscal year, and Bacon is made of Pigs and win. Finally, ebil wikia turned off image uploading which, as any school child knows, THEY ACTUALLY CANNOT DO, BY LAW. It was only for a couple of hours and it only really affected people in America, so who cares? Wikia have turned it on again now, so you may recommence uploading horrible images of yourself/your penis/somebody else's penis without fear of being interrupted by completely unnecessary essential maintenance. UnNews By Chief UnNews is in crisis; with SPIKE absent and Zim ulator likely high as a kite somewhere, there can be no doubt that UnNews lacks a leader. Discussions are presently taking place to decide who should fill the entirely fabricated position at the top of UnNews. Obviously voting is the way forwards, since anything decided without a vote is probably secretly designed to bring the site down around our ears. TheHumbucker appears to be the first choice for UnNews leader, indeed the only person who isn't sure he is competent is TheHumbucker. Olipro confesses himself to be unsure about all this voting; speaking privately, Olipro said "Nobody ever voted for me when I was in charge of UnNews, and it didn't not do me no harm or nothing," a sentiment this correspondent shares exactly, we think. All views are appreciated in this discussion, except views that disagree with what we have already decided. While we are on a completely unrelated topic, get some voting done on VFH; this correspondent is entirely dissatisfied with the lackadaisical approach to voting adopted by most of you. It's almost as if you don't climax every single time you do it... everyone does that right?

Check out these pages! OMG! How do I shot web? What's a MediaWiki and how do I make one? Do you de-crat a Bureaucrat? From our logs: 22:19, May 23, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ ("Remove the first two linebreaks from the other thing, too, when you remove this top bit." COULD YOU BE ANY LESS CLEAR?) 18:25, May 19, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 65.91.100.222 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (Dear Sir: I contend that your redaction of the content in that article in favour of the word penis, proves unequivocally that you lick balls.) 02:47, May 20, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked Strico10 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Inserting Vanity: you give me some hope that i'm not the most pathetic person in the world) 22:13, May 22, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Holden Caulfeild (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (breathe in and breathe out hands up and hands down back up back up tell me whatcha gonna do now keep trollin trollin trollin trollin (what?)) 00:36, May 20, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) resurrected Famine (Talk | contribs) ‎ (No reason.) Metal Zombiebaron Zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron Zombiebaron zombiebaron, zombiebaron zombiebaron! Zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron; zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron Zombiebaron zombiebaron, "Zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron," zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron Zombiebaron!!! Zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron, zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron? Newsroom UnTune of the week Screw you Roman Dog Bird

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:21, May 26, 2011 (UTC)

George VI

Haha, I came by to vandal-police my old articles here and saw what you did... was about to revert, but then I started reading. It's pretty funny, laughed out loud several times. Not sure if you should stutterify the whole article though, that might be overkill. I wrote that long before King's Speech anyway so the reference is very fitting. Good stuff --» His Majesty King George VI (the boxes) 00:40, May 26, 2011 (UTC)

Thank you. I intend to add a quick little section where he sees a speech therapist and the stuttering starts going away, but haven't gotten there, yet (as you can tell, I'm working in inconveniently short bursts on it). ~  Talk 03:03, 26 May 2011 (UTC)

Bjork

I know, the thankless job you've taken (thanks} is like herding cats (or is it herding rats?). Anyway, thought you may have an interest in this, and I've written stuff on the author's talk page and the article as well. See, it ain't so bad after all. But I didn't like the headline on the main page, Bjork farts again seems fine if it's used again. Aleister 4:46 26-5-'11

Please see my response here. Thanks anyway. ~ Kakun · talk 10:21, May 26, 2011 (UTC)

Ok

i need your vote. i know you don't vote and shit you know, but i dont thnk i have time now as nobody else looks to be voting. Also, i want to report a namespace prejudice where a person just voted against without any comment. hope you can help some..And tell me how was the weejedn too. -> That's Poop Man Poop 15:28, May 29, 2011 (UTC)-- -> That's Poop Man Poop 15:28, May 29, 2011 (UTC)

An unspecified against vote is not necessarily a namespace prejudice, nor even really wrong; it's not really helpful and folks tend not like it, but that's a whole other matter. We can really only act in regards to 'namespace prejudice' if the vote specifies it's because of the namespace or whatnot, though, as otherwise the reasoning could be anything. 1234 ~ 17:19, 30 May 2011

Yo

Please, come on IRC when you have a chance. 1234 ~ 21:12, 31 May 2011

The lead templates

See that space that you've now filled with the original thing? That appears when you leave "type=" blank. It doesn't when you put "none" there. If you don't know what you're doing, please don't do it. MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 19:04, June 1, 2011 (UTC)

Yeah........... so that probably wasn't the best way you could have phrased that. -- T​K​F​​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​UU​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​CK 19:09, June 1, 2011 (UTC)

The UnSignpost: Best before Friday!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Better sign it.

June 2nd, 2011 • Issue 123 • The only periodical that calls you back!

Logo Pogo, what's our Vector Victor? By Chief Those of you who aren't still reeling from the ingenuity and wit contained in the title for this story are just the kind of humour-hating Nazis who are killing this place, one "witty" article at a time, who will, naturally, have noticed that the logo has undergone a design change. This change came after several of our power hungry administrators noticed the shadowing on the old logo. Not noticed the shadowing on the old logo yet? Well head straight to the image page and look at the shadowing on the old logo. We here at the UnSignpost are utterly gobsmacked that we lived and indeed loved alongside such shoddy work, just look at the shadowing! The more you look the angrier you become; it's incredible, just what the hell was Rcmurphy thinking when he created the shadowing on the old logo!? Of course this is all untrue, the old logo is basically fine but the new one suggests that we aren't all the ten-thumbed Orangutans that <insert name here> is and that we might know something about cricket and opera. In other words, its beauty and three dimensions hide the depressing truth and, according to Dr. Skullthumper, will probably cure AIDS and bring peace to the Middle-East as well. The creator of the brand new logo is none other than Lyrithya, who wasn't available for comment at the time of going to press, but would probably would want to say something about how she owes everything to ChiefjusticeDS. A quick scan of the forum reveals only one forum topic about the new logo, making it about ten times more popular than Wikia and Jesus combined. The other interesting development is also the development of some kind of new skin for the wiki which is presently being flaunted on a forum and on your gadgets page where you can tick a box to experience it for yourself, just like voting really. This is once again courtesy of Lyrithya, someone who just doesn't take "Meh" for an answer. The general opinion of the community regarding these changes is difficult to gauge, especially if you don't read any of the forum topics. Speaking anonymously, Mhaille expressed doubts about Vector, stating that the changes were "Only skin deep," but said that any discussion over which was better was "Just plain racist". Rank admins! By Chief Those of you who have heard of Rate Your Admins (or RYA if you wear sunglasses inside) need not read this story; simply scroll back to the top, read the right hand column and ask again just how does that sexy admin do it. Which segues us neatly onto the thrust of this story: Frosty has revived the original RYA, a system by which users would give the active admins a score out of ten on various categories and then the admins would have a reason to get up the next day. The new system is very similar to the old one, exactly the same, some would say, and all it needs is your contribution. The UnSignpost spoke to Sockpuppet of an unregistered user about RYA and he said "I once killed a man," but don't let that put you off; he's actually really well-adjusted. Voting couldn't be simpler. You just go to the page of the relevant admin and then you click edit (with us so far?) then you put zero in every box and press save. Don't worry; the chances of them knowing where you live are extremely remote so it's literally consequence-free, almost.

Check out these pages! Slut! Blog! Words! Numbers! Zombiebaron! From our logs: 23:49, May 31, 2011, Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked 67.232.79.251 (Talk) with an expiry time of 6 months (it takes a certain talent to write that much about someone who apparently sucks so badly) 12:38, May 26, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 91.201.66.76 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (I'd ask you to cease all twattery but then you'd have nothing to do all day.) 03:15, May 30, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked Frosty (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a gomphog ‎ (Stealing Gomphog's subpages. Reportedly.) 07:12, May 30, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked Tayythunder (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Blanker: Being racist against templates...) 15:21, May 27, 2011 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked 64.107.188.2 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 hour ‎ (Take a break and read HTBFANJS Just calling everyone gay is... Gay? Be more creative eh?) 13:43, June 1, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) resurrected Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) ‎ (Being Zombiebaron a little bit too much) Biopic of the Week Now I don't know about you, but Cat the Colourful is a name I have seen quite a lot, but in the same way I see grass quite a lot. What I mean by this is that he/she/it is always there, pottering away in the background. While everyone else fights and brawls over the correct font for the main page, Cat the Colourful is there voting on an article, making thoughtful additions to an article, uploading pictures of rabbits killing themselves and generally being helpful. This is the part of the biopic where I normally complain about the users annoying habits, and this week is no exception; you know what I really hate about Cat the Colourful? It's his signature, there's a picture in it and colours. A stupid username about being a colourful cat with colours in it? His signature should be black, that would be funny because it isn't colourful at all! No? Well con-cat-ulations Cat the Colourful... I'M WITTY DAMMIT! From the Editor Every week we receive literally no feedback on the UnSignpost. But last week Lollipop complained that we had not covered all the big news of the week. So, in order to please him and his imaginary friend Alex, Tom Mayfair and MrN9000 have also made edits to the wiki after not doing so for a while. I hope that satisfies Lollipop in the way a woman never will... for free at least.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:18, June 2, 2011 (UTC)

The UnSignpost: Best before Friday!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Better sign it.

June 2nd, 2011 • Issue 123 • The only periodical that calls you back!

Logo Pogo, what's our Vector Victor? By Chief Those of you who aren't still reeling from the ingenuity and wit contained in the title for this story are just the kind of humour-hating Nazis who are killing this place, one "witty" article at a time, who will, naturally, have noticed that the logo has undergone a design change. This change came after several of our power hungry administrators noticed the shadowing on the old logo. Not noticed the shadowing on the old logo yet? Well head straight to the image page and look at the shadowing on the old logo. We here at the UnSignpost are utterly gobsmacked that we lived and indeed loved alongside such shoddy work, just look at the shadowing! The more you look the angrier you become; it's incredible, just what the hell was Rcmurphy thinking when he created the shadowing on the old logo!? Of course this is all untrue, the old logo is basically fine but the new one suggests that we aren't all the ten-thumbed Orangutans that <insert name here> is and that we might know something about cricket and opera. In other words, its beauty and three dimensions hide the depressing truth and, according to Dr. Skullthumper, will probably cure AIDS and bring peace to the Middle-East as well. The creator of the brand new logo is none other than Lyrithya, who wasn't available for comment at the time of going to press, but would probably would want to say something about how she owes everything to ChiefjusticeDS. A quick scan of the forum reveals only one forum topic about the new logo, making it about ten times more popular than Wikia and Jesus combined. The other interesting development is also the development of some kind of new skin for the wiki which is presently being flaunted on a forum and on your gadgets page where you can tick a box to experience it for yourself, just like voting really. This is once again courtesy of Lyrithya, someone who just doesn't take "Meh" for an answer. The general opinion of the community regarding these changes is difficult to gauge, especially if you don't read any of the forum topics. Speaking anonymously, Mhaille expressed doubts about Vector, stating that the changes were "Only skin deep," but said that any discussion over which was better was "Just plain racist". Rank admins! By Chief Those of you who have heard of Rate Your Admins (or RYA if you wear sunglasses inside) need not read this story; simply scroll back to the top, read the right hand column and ask again just how does that sexy admin do it. Which segues us neatly onto the thrust of this story: Frosty has revived the original RYA, a system by which users would give the active admins a score out of ten on various categories and then the admins would have a reason to get up the next day. The new system is very similar to the old one, exactly the same, some would say, and all it needs is your contribution. The UnSignpost spoke to Sockpuppet of an unregistered user about RYA and he said "I once killed a man," but don't let that put you off; he's actually really well-adjusted. Voting couldn't be simpler. You just go to the page of the relevant admin and then you click edit (with us so far?) then you put zero in every box and press save. Don't worry; the chances of them knowing where you live are extremely remote so it's literally consequence-free, almost.

Check out these pages! Slut! Blog! Words! Numbers! Zombiebaron! From our logs: 23:49, May 31, 2011, Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked 67.232.79.251 (Talk) with an expiry time of 6 months (it takes a certain talent to write that much about someone who apparently sucks so badly) 12:38, May 26, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 91.201.66.76 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (I'd ask you to cease all twattery but then you'd have nothing to do all day.) 03:15, May 30, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked Frosty (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a gomphog ‎ (Stealing Gomphog's subpages. Reportedly.) 07:12, May 30, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked Tayythunder (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Blanker: Being racist against templates...) 15:21, May 27, 2011 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked 64.107.188.2 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 hour ‎ (Take a break and read HTBFANJS Just calling everyone gay is... Gay? Be more creative eh?) 13:43, June 1, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) resurrected Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) ‎ (Being Zombiebaron a little bit too much) Biopic of the Week Now I don't know about you, but Cat the Colourful is a name I have seen quite a lot, but in the same way I see grass quite a lot. What I mean by this is that he/she/it is always there, pottering away in the background. While everyone else fights and brawls over the correct font for the main page, Cat the Colourful is there voting on an article, making thoughtful additions to an article, uploading pictures of rabbits killing themselves and generally being helpful. This is the part of the biopic where I normally complain about the users annoying habits, and this week is no exception; you know what I really hate about Cat the Colourful? It's his signature, there's a picture in it and colours. A stupid username about being a colourful cat with colours in it? His signature should be black, that would be funny because it isn't colourful at all! No? Well con-cat-ulations Cat the Colourful... I'M WITTY DAMMIT! From the Editor Every week we receive literally no feedback on the UnSignpost. But last week Lollipop complained that we had not covered all the big news of the week. So, in order to please him and his imaginary friend Alex, Tom Mayfair and MrN9000 have also made edits to the wiki after not doing so for a while. I hope that satisfies Lollipop in the way a woman never will... for free at least.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:19, June 2, 2011 (UTC)

Hello

Hello Humbucker. Feet and things to you! I haven't put anything up on UnNews, or put anyone else's pages on the template, since I learned of your new assumption of power, so it's been awhile. Notice you've been editing the war of drug page, and wanted to say as a member of the unknown unnews committee that it seems like a #1 or 2 story, given its breaking real-world news importance (the real story is getting wide play on other news sites). You may have already placed it somewhere as I type, though, so never mind my input if it's old-news-input. A concern I do have, and mentioned on the forum, is if your taking this "job" is hurting your own writing. If it is, run for the hills, and take a notepad with you, and continue with your great writing and storytelling. To lessen that would be a loss to the site (and Iz assume you have fun writing, too). Yours in Allah and the Bean, Aleister 19:00 2-6-'11

p.s. Do you mind people coming by and suggesting high-story placements for pages? I dunno.

I actually welcome people coming by and suggesting high-story placement, so if you think a story deserves a slot somewhere, please make your case be known! However, for this one in particular, I don't think it'll make it into the templates. If you look at the source story, the UnNews piece is, literally, a copy/paste job (with a couple one liners thrown in) and I think I can expect a little more than that to give it more exposure.

As for my writing, I've just been in a slump lately - baseball picked up again and I got a job, so I just don't have the 3 hours a day it used to take me to knock out a story. It'll happen again, though. Maybe not the 1-a-day streaks I used to have, but it'll happen. ~  Talk 19:12, 2 June 2011 (UTC)

Ah, okay. I'm selling the tickets! This strange game you speak of, base-ball, do you play it or stare at it? And job, do you mean you got a copy of the book of the bible? I have one of those somewhere /points to doorstop But yeah, I hope you get to writing again, and am glad the unnews thing isn't a factor in that. Curse this bass-ball for taking your time, and that book of job thing. Aleister 3:10 3-6-'11

This strange thing I speak of, this bass-balls, is something I sever my arm doing, and this Job thing is something I get paid to do, but can still sometimes read while doing it. And I just want to say that, after looking over this conversation, it sounds like I don't mean it when I say that I welcome suggestions for the templates (You: "Can I make suggestions for the temapltes?" Me: "Absolutely!" You: "Funnybony's story!" Me: "No."). So please let me know if there's something you think that should be there, and please let me know why - is it a callback I'm not getting? Does it refer to something I'm not aware of? Do you think there should be an out-of-the-box story because it's been awhile since there was one? Seriously, I want to know. ~  Talk 03:40, 3 June 2011 (UTC)

I kind of knew that's what you meant, that you play. I enjoy the history of the game more than watching any of it, and haven't played in a few years (used to play, but not in school). I remember SPIKE, a former user who was on site quite awhile ago, he was a big baseball fan. And you seem to be on the stories quite regularly. If there is one I see that I think is list-worthy and you've let it rot in the pile, I'll mention it, mostly my own when I get to writing more of them. Aleister 3:48

^^I think he also knew that you knew about baseball and he was just playing along. Make you way to Mattsnow he has some sarcasm enhancing pills. Kevillips is doing wonders because of them.-- -> That's Poop Man Poop 13:26, June 4, 2011 (UTC)

more news

I played around with the parameters and found instead of pixels using 100% filled the box, then I just had to make sure the text had a br/ tag and it dropped below the image. All the portals could use this, then tweak the colors to match the theme of the portal. awesome - thanks for doing that. --K evillips эвилипс MUN,CM,NS,3of7 05:03, June 5, 2011 (UTC)

Front pager

An obvious choice for all around honours, just in case you miss it initially. DaveFromMars first UnNews about a royal wedding of prime minister and beau. Aleister 1:08 6-6-'11

Agreed. I cleaned up some grammar and punctuation issues and putting it in the templates as I type. Well, not as I type, because that's a feat of multi-tasking impossible on one monitor and without a mouse, so right after I plug in the tildes that is my sig. ~  Talk 02:48, 6 June 2011 (UTC)...There.

film news

and of course same story having both cats is simple to fix.--K evillips эвилипс MUN,CM,NS,3of7 03:52, June 6, 2011 (UTC)

I'm trying to make it so a story will be included if it's in either Film or Movies, but struggling. ~  Talk 03:55, 6 June 2011 (UTC)

And naturally there are about as many UnNewses in the Movies category as there are in the Films one, so it kind of has to be both. ~  Talk 04:01, 6 June 2011 (UTC)

HOLY GERUND, I DID IT ~  Talk 04:11, 6 June 2011 (UTC)

I was going to suggest decating the dupes --K evillips эвилипс MUN,CM,NS,3of7 04:59, June 6, 2011 (UTC)

The Unroyal Wedding

Thanks for the good words! The first one was a lot of fun. I'll see what else I can come up with. Take it easy! DaveFromMars 16:30, June 6, 2011 (UTC)

Hey

Actually, no. I have to add the evolution part too. But again I never said it was complete. But I confess I forgot adding that. No that has to be added, yeah. Will do it and you'll get to know. Cheers.-- -> That's Poop Man Poop 19:22, June 6, 2011 (UTC)

Hurrah, it's the UnSignpost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Word to your mother.

June 9th, 2011 • Issue 124 • The only periodical that remains aerodynamic at high speeds!

It's serious business By Chief To celebrate the creation of a new ignorable policy, the UnSignpost is covering all the srs biz that has taken place on Uncyclopedia this week. Once again, Lyrithya and her unending quest to "improve" the wiki takes the top story; not content with replacing the potato logo originally created by Rcmurphy, she has created a forum (yes another one) in which she displays the new logos she has created, all wonderful and three dimensional. Dr. Skullthumper appears to have been so entranced by the the shadowing on these new logos that he is currently proposing that we allow Lyrithya to do whatever she wants, then we can only assume it will begin to rain marshmallows and then Jesus will return so that he may bless the new logos in person. Everyone loves the new logos except for Lollipop, whose home-grown logo offerings have been snubbed... one of these days he will probably buy a gun and then kill every single one of us. The Ministry of Love has a new topic on it. This is news in its own right, but it would be just plain lazy for us not to tell you what it was. In other news, Sycamore has called for all Real Nigga's to report to the Village Dump. Sycamore, who was born and raised in West Philadelphia, was unable to justify this course of action as he had one little fight and has been forced to go and live with his Aunt and Uncle in Bel Air. The UnSignpost is sure that hilarity is certain to ensue and predicts that Sycamore may well be writing horrendously bad rap music in as little as three years time. Finally it seems that the in-fighting, backstabbing and constant evil that emanates from all the current admins (with the possible exception of Modusoperandi) has not discouraged users from wanting to be just like them. The UnSignpost wonders why anybody would ever aspire to be part of a group that not only has Olipro in it but also boasts a whole one and a half women and she is maladjusted. The crippling deficiencies of Uncyclopedia's admin group haven't stopped Joe9320 from asking to be one; on being asked why he wants to be an admin, he cited no reason at all. He just does and, apparently, so should you. Also, Magic man wanted to be in the UnSignpost this week, so he is. VFS/B By Chief When Uncyclopedians aren't looking at depraved Horse porn or voting on articles referencing Horse porn, they are to be found gazing in wonder at VFS to see just what those barmy administrators have come up with next. Well, sort of. Currently VFS is not given over to the process of sandwich voting, but to a vote on whether to hold nominations for a preliminary round of voting for the people to administer the results of further voting, but only if there has been a vote first. In short, the admins are deciding whether or not to have some more bureaucrats. Since all of you have read Jimbo Wales fantastic works: "The Pricing of Index Options When the Underlying Assets All Follow a Lognormal Diffusion" and "Me and my ample piles. Of Money" you all know the ins and outs of the role, but we will remind you anyway. Bureaucrats give out user rights; if Uncyclopedia was a city the users would be the citizens, the vandals would be the criminals, the administrators would be the Police and Bureaucrats would be the people who send Police officers annoying notes about filling in forms and the importance of chilling their packed lunches. Currently the vote is plus four in favour so it looks like voting on sandwiches will be suspended for another month, a tragedy which two months ago seemed a very remote possibility. We would urge you to vote but you all know the form by now, just remember that Bureaucrats tend to go... missing. We sat down with absentee Bureaucrat and hilarious moustache owner Mhaille to get his opinion of the vote: "If you master the 5 D's no amount of balls on Earth can hit you" Mhaille responded before beating our reporter savagely with a sack of wrenches, so there is some definite food for thought there. Cross your legs folks, it looks like there will be another vote coming to your computer screens very soon.

Check out these pages! Piffle! Wiffle! Wibble! Pibble! Piffle Wiffle! From our logs: 20:33, June 5, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 67.180.53.111 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (You may fire when ready..... /robot voice/ commence primary ignition...... WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH) 02:04, June 3, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) resurrected #59221 ‎ (HOW COME NO ONE EVER UNCHECKS THIS BOX ANYMORE) 02:05, June 3, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 second ‎ (because you havent been banned yet somehow. i hope this happens RIGHT AS YOU PRESS THE SUBMIT EDIT BUTTON) 02:06, June 7, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked Sickmyduck1 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ ([insert joke here about lacking penis size]) 11:20, June 7, 2011 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked 194.80.21.164 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 days ‎ (You seem to be unable to recognise that the repeated deletion of your articles means they're crap and we don't want them. Perhaps this ban will help?) 11:29, June 4, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 173.208.51.136 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (BUY SOME SPAM!! CUT PRICE SPAM! LEARN HOW WEIRDO MAKES NO MONEY AND LOSES HIS FRIENDS FROM HOME!!! BEST OFFAR EVAR!) 21:47, June 3, 2011 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked 201.229.215.186 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 days ‎ (EminemEminemEminemEminem) Biopic of the Week Well, nobody was looking forward to being biopiced in the UnSignpost than Lollipop. Lollipop came to Uncyclopedia in 2010 under the guise of Maniac Mcpee, whose very first article was deleted. Lollipop reacted as all of us would have done and created a hate page to explain just how much he hated the offending administrator; this page was then taken, completely rewritten and went on to become a featured article. Lollipop has not shut up about it since. As much of a blessing as a curse, Lollipop has hurricaned his way around the wiki, alternately thrilling and irritating administrators and users alike, but do you know what makes us want to biopic him? It's not the cash he gave us, though that certainly greased the wheel, no, it's his enthusiasm; you just can't demoralise him. Every time you turn around he's there being derided on a talk page or forum and then the next day he's back with something else. He just won't quit! So well done, Lollipop, you're the guy we all love to hate to love. Thought for the week On Uncyclopedia at a glance why do we have a stat for "Pictures of boobies" but not one for "Pictures of Cake"? Think about it (That's sort of the point) Newsroom UnTune of the week Still Alive (Bin Laden 2011 Cover)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:22, June 9, 2011 (UTC)

Minitrue!

OMG you got inspired to write a minitrue. I used to think you hated minitrue, but it worked it worked. I have been adding a lot of minitrues lately. All I am doing is scanning the headlines, and turning them into puns or opposites. I have a BBC Rss feed that supplies most. Apparently on June 10 "8 new causes of cancer were released" Here is a similar story link But obviously your story was not sourcing that, but I thought I'd share with you the inspiration for my madness. --K evillips эвилипс MUN,CM,NS,3of7 19:53, June 11, 2011 (UTC)

Yeah, I heard that you were really going at the Minitrues, and this one was great - I read it and instantly had things popping in my mind. And, just as importantly, I also had 90 minutes to kill, so it all worked out. I'm still making a few changes to the story (I don't like how the {{Noun}} template works), so I'll definitely take a look at the news story to see if I can integrate it.

And I appreciate you sharing your madness, and will most likely be coming back for more in the future. ~  Talk 21:49, 11 June 2011 (UTC)

UnNews audio

I got some news sound clips and cues. I'll gladly do the UnNews audio. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 18:07, 14 June 2011

Sure, you and anyone else that wants to do audio can do it. But I would recommend running it by the author of the story first. If they don't want audio, then you might want to think twice about doing it. ~  Talk 20:07, 14 June 2011 (UTC)

On that note, when I was talking about video news with another previously interested entity, he pointed out with the CC lic we use, the content once posted is fare game to be remixed any way as long as the original is sourced. Sure it is good manners to tell someone you are going to be recording one of "their" stories. But in wiki, how many articles are 100% anyone's. So, think twice, maybe thrice, but still do what is best for the wiki. That my 2¢ anyway, but then I always pretty much feel free share my cranky old man opinions. --K evillips эвилипс MUN,CM,NS,3of7 20:16, June 14, 2011 (UTC)

UnNews

You were asking about grammatical rules etc on the UnNews page. Though Spike made some changes he usually left spellings/punctuation up to the writer. That is a bit difficult as you indicate if you are not aware of the differences. You are doing some sterling...dollar work in there btw. I know I haven't submitted any UnNews articles this month but I do check the page out, though I see the front page link has put it at the lower half of the page now. I hope that is a temporary measure as the UnNews pages are not very active at the moment. --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 17:03, June 15, 2011 (UTC)

Thanks for the compliments. I intend to (try to) keep up with the grammar editing, because I think having typos and misspellings lingering in stories makes the site look amateurish, but I was unaware of the American vs. British aspect before I started, which makes things surprisingly difficult. I made some grammar adjustments to your recent story, but please let me know if I made a mistake - some of the spelling in the piece suggested you were British, so I tried proofreading accordingly, but I'm still getting used to doing things that way.

Also, I was unaware of the format change on the UnNews page and brought it up on IRC recently to discover that it had been changed and then reverted rather quickly, so you just caught it at the wrong time. All should be good on that end, then. ~  Talk 18:24, 16 June 2011 (UTC)

The front page has been fixed. Proof reading is fine. The news editor's word is final! --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 12:53, June 17, 2011 (UTC)

UnSignpost Activate!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Won't Judge You!

June 16th, 2011 • Issue 125 • Adopt a mad Bear today... please, they're closing in.

CURSE YOU! By Chief It's time for the mid-month, mid-week, midnight round-up of Uncyclopedia, named this week for the mutual love and admiration currently flying back and forth on the Village Dump. The big news this week is that VFC has opened for voting, with almost every active administrator being nominated along with <insert name here>. After a whole day of voting, Zombiebaron has taken a commanding lead, racking up 14 votes, with Thekillerfroggy and Modusoperandi sitting in second and third. Our correspondent described the scenes on the page as "Sickening" as the leaders compete to see who can be the most dashing chap and concede victory to his fellows in the noblest manner possible. The UnSignpost was able to talk to Zombiebaron about the race: "Zombiebaron," he stated confidently on being asked whom he thought would prevail; on being asked who he would like to see stripped naked, smeared with Jam and fed to killer ants, he responded "Zombiebaron," and when pressed as to why he conceded that the matter was indeed "Zombiebaron". Moving on from the sickening gayery taking place on VFC, the village dump brings us the conflict and hatred that made Uncyclopedia as doomed as it is today. First PuppyOnTheRadio suggested that admins should not protect forum pages while discussion was taking place, in return the administrative body suggested that PuppyOnTheRadio should probably put some clothes on before going outside. Elsewhere on the dump, Dr. Skullthumper is doing his best to keep himself in pointless busy-work by proposing that we recategorise everything into a set of new categories within a new namespace which in turn will be within a new namespace. The practical upshot being that Dr. Skullthumper has a reason to haul himself out of bed every morning, a truly noble goal; this entire wiki having being founded around a very similar aim. Finally it seems that the Worst 100 Reflections on 2011 list has ground to a halt and has become Roman Dog Bird's very own personal playground and, as amusing as it is to watch him make entries about his bowel movements, his friends bowel movements, and bumsex, there aren't that many reflections on 2011. Since we passed the halfway point of the year a few weeks ago it was with some dismay that we discovered that we are still 66 reflections away from completing the task before the annual Cabal broadcast at the end of the year. This is a large crisis. Everybody should spend at least 10 minutes of the coming week running frantically around their house panicking about the impending crisis and the consequences of such a large crisis. Someone should also add new reflections to the list, but not before completing the requisite ten minutes of panic. Skully's formspring declared "national pastime of Uncyclopedia" By Dr. Skullthumper In a bizarre twist of social networking, local user Dr. Skullthumper has created an account on the popular website formspring.me. Almost immediately the famed Uncyclopedia administrator was bombarded with questions about his sexuality, his sister, and propositions of considerable indecency. So amusing were his answers that for several hours wiki contributors ceased editing altogether to think up more clever questions to ask him. "I was looking for a place to gloat about my ban," says Equivamp, a self-proclaimed sufferer of Erectile Dysfunction. "But I was too scared to come on IRC. That's where all the rapes happen. Luckily I found one of the dozens of links to this guy's formspring that everyone's been talking about. Finally, a place to insult Uncyclopedia safely!" But even such a positive story as this brings humanity's dark side to light once more. Kip the Dip has revealed himself to be one of the most prejudiced users in Uncyclopedian history, believing the entire website to be constructed for his people alone. Several anonymous users have taken to slandering the almighty goddess Lyrithya, who continues to shower us with holy goods such as proper bloody code and images that don't look like they were shat out of MS Paint. And as for Skully, the sheer amount of time he has spent answering questions has forced him to forgo sleep for several nights in a row now. Despite these setbacks, Skully says he will "continue to do what must be done", and "hurrrrrrrrrrrrrghCOFFEE".

Check out these pages! Useful! Confusing! Modusoperandi! Ratings! From our logs: 05:38, June 15, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked Meepsheep made this account to upload goatse (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Clever! Verrrry clever. And foolish! Now you're at my mercy. And I don't have any. You're at my NOTHING) 04:39, June 13, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked 210.236.184.66 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (If you like graffiti so much why don't you buy some spraypaint and draw a giant cock on your front door) 08:41, June 14, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 year ‎ (The cabal wishes it: It does honest, I was at the last meeting and we talked about this while the tea was going round) 18:28, June 11, 2011 Olipro (Talk | contribs) blocked 67.158.24.53 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (we are a humour site, we are not concerned with the truth) 01:18, June 13, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked 99.68.16.64 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (I know what you dream about at night.) 20:57, June 14, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 173.208.56.140 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (uuuuuuuuggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh) Biopic of the Week As the UnSignpost staff gathered in the Theatre of Dreams next to the local Bingo hall, it came to our attention that the biopic has been doing rather well recently. It has actually covered actual users who are actually editing the wiki or who have actually edited the wiki at some point in the past. In fact we decided that we had done such a good job that the biopic this week would be all about what a splendid job we made of the biopics for the last few weeks. I mean, there you all were reading the UnSignpost and pairing your socks when BLAM! There was the biopic and it fed you when you had no food, it clothed you when you were wearing parachute pants and it didn't judge you the same way everyone else does. The biopics from the last few weeks have contained less than two grams of saturated fat and cost you nothing, in fact they gave you the gift of laughter which, according to intellectuals, is the greatest gift of all; frankly you ought to be paying us. This biopic even comes with a picture of a traffic cone! It's so stripy and orange and stuff... By the power of Greyskull! You shall not best me Skeletor! So there. Newsroom UnTune of the week Ur So Phat and you don't even like food

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:20, June 16, 2011 (UTC)

UnNews:Boston wins Stanley Cup while sore losers destroy their city

Hi Humbucker I'm Mattsnow, the Beast from the East! I don't think I've introduced myself yet. Now that it is done, I'd like to know if I need permission or anything before putting this article I just cooked on the template for the front page and where I can find that damn template. I went on the UnNews main page only to find myself even more confused. Or maybe you could do it for me. I wrote my first UnNews some weeks ago but I just don't remember how I managed to get it on the front page. Thanks! Mattsnow 06:50, June 17, 2011 (UTC)

Thanks for your contribution to UnNews! I noticed that you're relatively new here, so UnNews has been in flux for much of your time on Uncyc. However, things have settled back down and here's the deal: As the main editor (or Editor in Chief, or UnNews Czar, or Resident Watermelon-knees, or whatever title you want to call it), I've got the final say on the templates, so all you have to do is write. Your story got on the UnNews Front Page (in the Lead slot because it's very topical), but not on the Main Page itself; it was pretty good, but the concept and humor was very heavy handed, and I thought that detracted from the story, overall. I might bump it into the Main Page template soon if it stagnates, though. Let me know if you have any other questions, and I look forward to any new articles you put out there. ~  Talk 18:36, 17 June 2011 (UTC)

OK, to be kind as a butterfly, and with love in my heart, but are you fuckin' kidding me ? This story should not only be right there on the main page, again in all kindness, but featured as well. You do not have, as kind as possible, final say, only when you don't do something like, in all fairness and bless your heart once again, this. Please reconsider, be kind in all things, and put the story back where it should call home. Aleister 18:40 17-6-'11

p.a. Oh, I see the confusion. If you think it is good enough for the main news story, then why wouldn't it go on the main page listing? So you do like it, but are protecting our sensitive readers. Well, I think it is okay to offend the women and children in the audience. Maybe this once, or six times? Please don't take any of this the wrong way, but yeah, if you do think it's the number one story on UnNews then maybe it should be on the front page too?

If it's good, I put it on the UnNews Front Page, if it's super topical, it goes lead. If it's very good, I put it Main Page. As it always is with comedy, it's subjective. Your opinion is appreciated, Aleister, but the attitude isn't, and makes me regard the opinion considerably less. ~  Talk 18:49, 17 June 2011 (UTC)

Attitude shouldn't take away from substance, that is also a subjective way to go about things. Maybe I'm wrong, and you are the official supreme editor/czar/etc., and in that case it is your choice. But as I understand it you make decisions up until you make one which I would say 90% of people here would disagree with (and I'm pulling that number out of my....hat), and this could be one of those. The main page should be for topical items as well, imnho, and past editors only took pages off of there (we all had the option to place stories there) if he thought it was really bad. And I don't think you believe this is really bad or you wouldn't have put it in the lead in the news place itself. My attitude is that of a pig sometimes, I agree with that. So there is that. Shouldn't stop us from being buds, no? Aleister 18:00 17-6-'11

Alright! It is indeed correct that humor is subjective. I respect everybody's opinion here, but do I understand it correctly when you say it is too offensive? I tried to censor myself the best I can while walking on the "swearing-limit" line like an equilibrist. But when I see articles like HowTo:Make Breakfast Goo (For Men) featured on the front page, y'know. But I respect that you are running UnNews specifically, not what gets featured and I'm sure you're trying your best to do what's good for Uncy, as we all do. I've had a lot of fun writing this, with no expectations whatsoever as to petty "glory". It's good to know I just have to write an UnNews, then it goes in your databank, so I kinda fire-and-forget. But please answer my interrogation above on offensiveness. That will come in handy for future endeavors. Thanks bro! Mattsnow 21:25, June 17, 2011 (UTC)

It actually had nothing to do with offensiveness or swearing. While I'm not much of a fan of excessive swearing in comedy, the key word there is excessive; I think you used profanity effectively in this piece, and the harsh words had nothing to do with it not being on the Main Page. It was more the very judgmental tone to the story that put me off, which I think is best shown by the first sentence; "In an impressive display of strength and solidarity, Vancouverites united yesterday night and showed the world their amazing ability to come together as a community and work toward a common goal: looking like a bunch of losers" (my italics). I'm sure you've been through a Pee Review or two. This is the concept of the story, and you state it very frankly and quickly, and I think this turned what could've been an outstanding story into just a fairly good one.

Having been through more than a few college fiction writing courses, I've been slammed with the rule "Show, don't tell" countless times. What you're doing in this story is coming out and immediately telling me your concept; that the residents of Vancouver are sore losers. Show me instead; show me that they're losers, let me figure it out for myself from the words and the examples you write on the page. Show me, and that joke you're saying will shine clearer and stronger than it could by simply telling me flat out, and there will be no doubt that your story belongs on the front page. ~  Talk 23:30, 17 June 2011 (UTC)

Yes, I couldn't resist but sell the punch straight off the bat (I hesitated about that, it's more like an editorial :) ) and I shared my opinion strongly, while hopefully being funny. I guess we could debate for days, but to no end. I may or may not retouch it. Thank you for the advice Humbucker as it is helpful, there are probably the same amount of definitions for a good article as there are people on UNcy! But I have to say I just reread the thing and I Lolled, I don't agree with you but I have a lot of fun on Uncy, you can stay assured I hold no bone whatsoever and will gladly write other UnNews. Cheers! Mattsnow 02:13, June 18, 2011 (UTC)

Blurbs

Yesterday I took a look at the Wikipedia Main page and how it deals with wikinews. I noticed their "in the news" includes bullets about the stories. Lazy as I am, I just did the first two but not the one with the picture. I figured if you liked it, you could do that from then on, which makes what I was calling a "list" into something that is indeed obviously edited. Other editors have noticed, and have tweajked the blurbs. Admittedly, lazillips, me just cut and pasted the opening sentence for the most part. I was kind of anticipating talking about it with you last night, but didn't see you then or today. I hope your roses do not have aphids. --K evillips эвилипс MUN,CM,NS,3of7 21:54, June 21, 2011 (UTC)

I like it and I think that it's got potential, but it just looks like crap! I can't believe Wikinews is doing it. I think that if we shorten the list in the RecentUnNews template it might look better, but I'm bit hesitant because adding another line of blurb to an entry makes the list run very long. What would you think about a 7-entry list and blurb as opposed to the current 15-entry and no blurb? ~  Talk 03:42, 23 June 2011 (UTC)

indeed. 15 is too long given the current layout of embedded templates. I have learned similar problems with the comedy portal. Presently the right side is too long because the left side is too short. Even especially wordy headlines of 15 headlines can produce that. In a perfect formatting world we would use character count to decide how much to put in each embedded template. Numbers of headlines - is imprecise. A different solution would be instead of headlines as the list, a comprehensive story summary. My goal in addition to more closely mimic wikipedia was to make the template look more like it truly is, an edited piece of content. Presently it is not much different than Template:Recent, which is freely edited, and rarely by many. and nobody seems to care if it is. --K evillips эвилипс MUN,CM,NS,3of7 15:29, June 23, 2011 (UTC)

I'll try out the 7-entry-with-blurbs when I do my UnNews in an hour or so. See how it goes. ~  Talk 16:03, 23 June 2011 (UTC)

I was just looking over the Wikinews way of doing it and found, to my surprise, that they don't even have links to the news stories in their front page box. The blue links go to specific Wikipedia pages. What I'm doing this time around is incorporating the title (or approximate title) of the UnNews story into the blurb and linking to the story that way. Let me know what you think. ~  Talk 17:23, 23 June 2011 (UTC)

Catch it. Kill it. Bin it. It's the UnSignpost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper the Whole Family Must Enjoy!

June 23rd, 2011 • Issue 126 • The only periodical that will burn your house down... with lemons!

Experimental Vectors By Chief This week Uncyclopedia stands on the brink of a momentous decision, a decision that will shape the future of the wiki and possibly society as we know it. Also, Lyrithya is proposing that we introduce the Vector skin as the default skin for the whole wiki. As is the custom on our planet a vote is currently happening in a forum, which isn't really news as everything around here is eventually resolved in that way. The vote currently stands at eleven votes in favour, with the people voting for praising Vector's enticing indentation and stylings and the against voters complaining that Vector isn't compatible with Windows 95 and doesn't display properly when loaded on a monitor last used to observe the 1969 Moon Landings. For voter and skin fetishist Ljlego launched a staunch defence of Vector, saying, "I hated Vector when I first saw it on Wikipedia," while against voter and Republican Aleister in Chains has complained that the skin doesn't work when he loads it on his ZX Spectrum; he has also found the real problem with the skin, namely, "Those huge tabs at the top, they look ridiculous. " Shabidoo, meanwhile, has decided to abstain, having been unable to make up his mind; his uncertainty about the new skin springs from a belief that, "This skin is much better than the last one." What a weirdo. The UnSignpost staff has switched to Vector and report that they have, on several occasions, found money in the street on the way home; who in their right mind would refuse to switch now? Vector does have several deficiencies which are, of course, all Lyrithya's fault. The much loved and coveted things to do page has disappeared from the sidebar, meaning that unless you search for it, you cannot find it. Incidentally, Science proves that searching for articles in the search box causes Cancer in 75% of everyone who does it. There are no other problems, except that the toolbox is set to be closed as default, Pee review is now below the facebook page link (this makes it appear less important), it doesn't make sandwiches, the edit button is on the wrong side, to watch pages I click a star (this is blatant Zionism), when I click the search box I type in a box inside the search box, and there is no link to the UnSignpost on the sidebar. If you have yet to try out the Vector skin go to your preferences page; you know you are there when the box with your optional real name in it appears. Click the gadgets tab and then select 'experimental Vector skin' from the list. Enjoy. Incidentally my real name is Archer, Leader of the Gorgonites. Fails QA By Him yet again Now while the UnSignpost staff are currently contemplating a weekly box devoted to Dr. Skullthumper's latest fad for Uncyclopedia, we felt we absolutely had to cover his latest dalliance into saving us from the eternal fires to which we are so rightly condemned. QA is something you are no doubt familiar with; for those of you who aren't here is how to find out. The new revelation is the QA log; this is a splendid log for those of you who love to sit and stare at recent changes. Now you can stare at recent changes and the QA log. It basically catches people sneakily removing maintenance tags from articles in order that they may be punished for their anarchic tendencies. Dr. Skullthumper has said all of the above in forum, but that's what the UnSignpost is for - we read the forums and write a brief summary with more jokes and less whining. The aforementioned Physician would like feedback from users on how his new device works, so in short he would like you to go to his forum and tell him just how splendid it is that he has taken time out from his splendid schedule of splendid masturbation to splendidly improve this splendid site. Some of our readers have written to us to tell us what they think about this new tool: "Zombiebaron," said an anonymous letter. "Who is this?" asked RabbiTechno after phoning our hotline. "Please rush me my portable Walrus polishing kit. 4 Super brushes guaranteed to clean even the trickiest of sea-bound mammals." read a coupon sent to us by Under user. "Wow. Now that is VERY useful." read an email from MrN9000, titled "Re:The purpose of toilets" and "Help me. I'm trapped in a post office." wrote Mordillo, who hasn't been seen since March. The QA log is live and watching all of you at this very moment and reminds you that thoughtcrime does not entail death, thoughtcrime IS death.

Check out these pages! Ratings! Worst! AGAIN! METAL GEAR? METAL GEAR!!! From our logs: 01:08, June 19, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked WeStoppedTheRocket (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (i've heard (well, okay, seen i guess) it before! i don't wanna here (again, see) it again!) 12:49, June 19, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 132 seconds ‎ (you are my all-time favourite fascist dictator) 15:29, June 21, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 86.46.201.230 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 Days ‎ (Hell yeah! You showed that talk page. Hit it again! Keep it down!) 15:15, June 19, 2011 Olipro (Talk | contribs) blocked Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (EVERYONE LOVES IT!) 00:08, June 18, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked 204.8.195.146 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (My dog just died from your lack of humour. Murderer!) 22:39, June 20, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked What now, bitches? (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (cute) Biopic of the Week Uncyclopedia has a problem. Uncyclopedia has NoNamesLeft. Now having NoNamesLeft is not the huge tragedy that it may first appear. To have NoNamesLeft is to have NoMoreStupidity. Confucius say: He who have NoNamesLeft have most names of all. Of course NoNamesRemaining is not just a rather snappy saying , no it is also the Moniker for a complete lunatic who likes to edit Uncyclopedia, likely to the severe detriment of the other duties and responsibilities in his life. Having been on Uncyclopedia for two months, he has racked up over 2,000 edits and three featured articles, along with a whole set of other articles that have caused Aleister in Chains to fall unequivocally in love with him. If you fancy asking him just how he will pay the heating bill for next month you can visit his talk page. Don't hold your breath for a response though; he's probably far too busy. Things you already know weekly round-up Zombiebaron and Modusoperandi lead Thekillerfroggy in the final round of VFS, nobody writes UnTunes any more, <insert name here> is still great fun, more people need to vote on VFH, everyone secretly loves the Power Rangers, you will go blind if you keep doing that, Zombiebaron, Nachlader is occasionally funny, obeying orders without question is fun, the two columns are now similar lengths. Mission Accomplished. Newsroom UnTune of the week Oo Aa Iiee

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~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:20, June 23, 2011 (UTC)

Recent UnNews captions

Good stuff, bro!--Funnybony    19:08, Jun 23

I think it's great too. Making the list look more edited, creating value for the reader, by offering up links to topics as well. I believe this may work out quite well, and enhances UnNews' presence on the front page of Uncyclopedia.--K evillips эвилипс MUN,CM,NS,3of7 20:20, June 23, 2011 (UTC)

Yeah, once I started going at it, I realized that it gives Uncyclopedia another place to put both humor and links to pages. Naturally, it comes at a price - it makes UnNews stories fade from sight even quicker than before - but I think it's worth it; I think the 3 stories I ended up clipping from the list were about 2 weeks old. Good idea. ~  Talk 20:33, 23 June 2011 (UTC)

You're right, dude! Please keep up the great job.--Funnybony    08:37, Jun 26

Kryptonite

Thanks-a-million for disregarding this dumb warning. You have wisely chosen the dark-side of the farce.--Funnybony    08:37, Jun 26

Thanks for the thing that acknowledges that stuff I did

see above --K evillips эвилипс MUN,CM,NS,3of7 18:19, June 26, 2011 (UTC)

Hello.

Are you a poopsmith? 1234 ~ 13:12, 27 June 2011

Yeah, Zombiebaron twisted my arm last night on IRC about it and I ended up caving. I think it was a devious attempt to get me to check in on VFD and vote on it more often and, unfortunately, it seems to be working. ~  Talk 13:16, 27 June 2011 (UTC)

Sweet. Although it's not so unfortunate for the rest of us, is it? 1234 ~ 13:19, 27 June 2011

I'm voting. So yes. Yes, it is. Be scared. ~  Talk 13:21, 27 June 2011 (UTC)

How is that a bad thing? 1234 ~ 14:47, 27 June 2011

Errrrrrrrr

Just a quick thanks for fixer-up-ering my shitty article the other day, especially the adding of a few jokes and some baseball knowledge, which has little to no exposure where I’m from – the gutter. Seriously, every time I tried to Google baseball crims, I’m confronted with pro communist propaganda and bondage porn, which may or may not be a part of the sport, I’m not sure. Down in Australia, we have a form of baseball, but we called it Golf. However, instead of trying to whack a nineteenth century ball over a fence with a lump of wood, you hit a wad of dirt and grass with a metal club like object, and then proceed to throw said object into a large body of water.

Anyway, if you haven’t fallen asleep yet I’d thought I’d ask a couple of wankerish questions hidden between a large mass of textual garbage. Firstly, I’m working on a few other (proper) sharticles, but would still like to pump out some half baked UnNews’s as I personally feel it needs a high turnover to give an authentic impression. Plus, they’re short (like that kid I beat up today, smartarse little bastard, thinks he can get away with stealing my shoes does he, well I showed him, didn’t I). So I’m asking you, who seems to have been around a while, maybe a little too while, what sort of article do other (drug) users like? Politics? random shit? small crappy (that’s life type) news that the other media already shit all over? Your opinion anyway. Secondly, due to my general ignorance of Americanisms, would it be better to shit on Australian news of which I am in the know, and cause many furrowed brows as people try to understand the vague references, or should I sell my soul and my pants to the evil conglomerate of states you call America?HauntedUndies. 13:30, June 28, 2011 (UTC)

Hmmm. Firstly, in general the userbase seems to like a very broad range of topics. That helped out very little, I know. My advice, and this goes for your second question, as well, is to write about what you know, while keeping it accessible to the general public, too. Write about how you beat up that short little shit that took your shoes, and make that short little shit be your Australian PM, and the shoes be whatever political fiasco he's been doing or something (as you can tell, I know little to nothing of Australian politics). Make it stupid, random, satirical, witty, over-the-top, whatever. Try new stuff out.

Basically, I guess my advice is this: Fuck the userbase. Fuck selling your soul to my evil conglomerate. Write about what you think will make a good article, write it well, let it go, and learn from how it flies whether you want to do it again or if you want to do it differently. ~  Talk 23:06, 28 June 2011 (UTC)

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June 30th, 2011 • Issue 127 • Kills 99.9% of bacteria.... IN SECONDS!!

Breasts By Chief You know what the problem is? You will shortly, because if there's something the UnSignpost does brilliantly, it is editorialise on matters of little or no significance to you or the people you know. The problem is the days of the week and the dates of the month are conspiring against the UnSignpost. As the UnSignpost team sat down on Sunday to play monopoly and, if there was time, lay out the foundations for this splendid periodical, some bright spark suggested that we cover the conclusion of VFS. What an excellent idea, we all agreed, and had completed an entire specialist 3D issue on that single topic, complete with free poster and balloons, when it was realised that we won't in fact know who has won until Thursday evening, by which time this periodical will have been dispatched and our team of journalists will once again be at home wanking themselves raw. So we binned that spectacular issue and persuaded our least able journalist to write the story instead; this was especially useful as we only have to pay him in hugs and Jelly Babies. So VFS trundles on into its final laborious stages; some of you may remember voting a long long time ago when it was still exciting and you checked the page every day to see how your favourite candidate was doing. Now the only people checking VFS every day are Thekillerfroggy and Zombiebaron, and only then because they are winning at the moment. Obviously all that is needed to recapture the attention of the average Uncyclopedian is a header proclaiming the existence of breasts and, of course, exclusive interviews with other Uncyclopedians! Regrettably only one of those is available right now and this being the UnSignpost you can probably guess which one. "Well I do have a plan," said Thekillerfroggy when we interviewed him about his tactics for being the winner. When pressed, he revealed that "Well I can't reveal too much but I can say that my plan involves being the winner." Clearly TKF is playing the long game, but how about Zombiebaron? "Zombiecrat!" replied Zombiebaron when we asked how he would counter TKF's ambitious strategy to be the winner, which roughly translated means that Zombiebaron plans to be the winner as well. Third placed candidate Modusoperandi is currently sticking to his usual duties: sticking the occasional template on Ban Patrol and posting on the forums where he is occasionally racist; the best and wisest man any of us have ever known. The other obvious problem here is that we don't have any particularly active Bureaucrats (thus why we are holding this vote) to give the newly elected users their rights on Friday morning. However this is a minor detail since the voting is the fun part of any VFS and you all enjoyed that... right? Forest Fire By Chief As we were saying last week, Dr. Skullthumper really needs a hobby, preferably one that involves very long compulsory breaks from his computer. However, undeterred by such scathing criticism, Dr. Skullthumper and Lyrithya have decided, in the name of quality, to reform the maintenance templates, leaving a queue of articles on the timestamped maintenance categories as long as the list of women that Dr. Skullthumper isn't sleeping with. When we arrived to question the good doctor, Lyrithya demonstrated her commitment to the project by immediately saying "It was Dr. Skullthumper's fault," which at least shows she is a team player. Of course Dr. Skullthumper is far too busy to answer our questions, especially when there are problems to be solved and edit counts to be raised, so he has proposed another forest fire week because if there's anything more fun than sorting through hundreds of articles, it's tagging hundreds of them with templates. For those of you who have never seen a forest fire week it is essentially a week (duh) where users are encouraged to tag crap articles with a tag that gives them 7 days to live. All splendid and wholesome; the only issue being that for reasons best known to himself, Dr. Skullthumper has posted this idea in BHOP, so you actually have to go there in order to read it, sorry. Of course such an idea assumes that tagging articles is fun and I'm sure you will agree it is, if you are doing it once or twice a day. Once the seven days are over you'll wish that there was no Uncyclopedia, no internet and ultimately no choice! So hurry over to cast your all-important votes, and speed us on our way to misery and clerkly drudgery!

Check out these pages! Modusoperandi Zombiebaron Uncyclopedia is the worst Why? The community cake is a lie Whatever this is From our logs: 07:33, June 28, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 217.206.228.109 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (Finally, a good old-fashioned page blanking, well done to you sir for defying convention so radically) 19:43, June 27, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked TheHelloGuy (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (LulzSec attacking wiki security? Of course it's insecure, it's bloody MediaWiki!) 09:16, June 27, 2011 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 178.168.31.223 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (werespambotmanwolf) 03:20, June 26, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) resurrected Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) ‎ (if i'm resurected does that mean that i'm a zombiezombiebaron?) 14:05, June 24, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 117.120.16.132 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (Ass-cheese is all very well at work, but you have to switch off sometime) 12:26, June 23, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked 119.155.6.23 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (I'm cleansing the internet of inferior lifeforms, starting with spambots.) Biopic of the Week There is no biopic this week. Try not to think about that too much. OMG! Cajek edited the wiki this week, see below. Cajek Ban-Smackdown of the Week 16:14, June 25, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 13 seconds ‎ (Hello. I don't believe I've blocked you before. ) 15:35, June 25, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 253 seconds ‎ (Editing the wiki without due care and attention) 02:58, June 25, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a poop ‎ (uuuuuunnnnnnnnngggggggghhhhhh *poop*) 01:17, June 25, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a flock of trouts ‎ (Because.) 00:11, June 25, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 5000000 years ‎ (WHY HAVENT I DONE THIS YET) 22:37, June 24, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a jubilation ‎ (OH MY FUCKING SHIT IT IS CAJEK!!!!!!!!!) Newsroom UnTune of the week The Star and Eagle Reason to leave Uncyclopedia #6,425 Just to pop down to the shops for... porn.

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~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:22, June 30, 2011 (UTC)

Doomy doomy doomy

Zim thanks you filthy Earth smellies.
For furthering the destruction free taco day
of Earth! Tacos for all!
Tacoooooos!!

Thanks! (talk) 06:41, 30 June 2011

Recent UnNews

The idea that you are not allowed to promote your own UnNews stories in the Recent UnNews template is new to me. I've been around for a couple of years (not regularly, since my main focus is the German uncyclopedia) and up to now it's never been a problem to edit this template in favor of your own articles. Can you tell me who changed that, and why, and where it was discussed? Thanks. NaturalBornKieler (talk) 13:46, July 1, 2011 (UTC)

I have started a new forum on this very issue Forum:Revert_wars_on_templates. Wether it has been discussed, I see it as very similar to self noms for VFH. There is a strict set of rules for such nominations. Because of the timeliness of unnews a traditional voting system would take away the news topicality. The current de facto editor (DFEIC) is TheHumbucker and he has a pretty clear idea of what UnNews stories should be promoted on wiki front page. He has also recently started making the recent news template more of an edited document than a list of recent stories - which does exist on the Front page of the UnNews. Having the technical expertise to edit a template embedded in the front page meta-page does not make an article good or timely under the editorial guidelines illustrated by the DFEIC. Perhaps wioth this forum a community consensus can be reached on how to deal with the self promotion of articles on the front page of the wiki. --K evillips эвилипс MUN,CM,NS,3of7 18:46, July 1, 2011 (UTC)

Congratulations

To both of us for the shiny golden awards. And thanks for your vote, too. More to come - just hang in there - you're much appreciated and firmly in charge now, bro. Cheers!--Funnybony    20:32, Jul 1

Obligatory haranguing

Since you gave a fair bit of input and still happen to be around, I suppose I should ask - is this better? Do you even remember how it was before? Is it reasonable in general? Do you like tacos? Is that a banana in your pocket? 1234 ~ 13:00, 2 July 2011

I think so. Changing the picture location makes it clearer that it's an article written from Milton's perspective. As for the graphical changes... I kind of like how you bleached out the page a bit. It's less bold and kind of weaker, just like the character. ~  Talk 16:39, 2 July 2011 (UTC)

Yay, thanks. Except people who are using IE'll miss some of the fanciness... opacity isn't exactly a css1 property. And I see you found a typo. >.< 1234 ~ 16:51, 2 July 2011

Unnews

hi Hummy, I'm going to skip a day or two and let others fill the gap. More soon... Cheers--Funnybony    17:06, Jul 4

Absolutely not! Think of the stagnation! Think of the children! I'll have to get aggressive with my writer's block and contribute, the horror. Thanks for the heads up, though. ~  Talk 17:11, 4 July 2011 (UTC)

It's free and it always will be; it's the UnSignpost!

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Now With 0 Trans Fat!

July 7th, 2011 • Issue 128 • Why not have some Yoghurt?

The Final Solution By Chief The year is 2011, as you are obviously well aware, and Uncyclopedia once again faces a crisis that could very well shake the very foundations of the wiki and destroy the comedic soul of the userbase. Ha, fooled you, here is a story about a forum that nobody except Lyrithya has replied to. You all recall that last week we covered Dr. Skullthumper and his latest dalliance with quality control. Well, it seems that Sockpuppet of an unregistered user took exception to these changes, and he is determined to make a stand for justice, democracy and the American Belgian way, whichever way that may be. So you all know how we have too many articles, you should because you have all been told, and that all of these articles suck, however Socky contends that the way to solve this is not through shipping all the articles to Cajek's prison island but rather by considering each and every one in turn. A noble aim but it simply is not practical; does Socky not realise that these are necessary losses without which democracy cannot be purified? Clearly he does not. The UnSignpost decided not to have an interview with anyone this week as it involves all sorts of complex logistical work and what can be charitably described as begging but rather has elected to have people answer any question with a random line from their talk page that they have said; we aren't completely unprofessional. The first person we didn't sit down with was Socky himself, to inform him that we were running this story. "That's... partially nice and partially creepy to hear." he responded. Asked why he opposed the reforms he said "The dark side is always my choice." which at least explains why he lives underneath a power station. Finally we asked what his proposed solution would be: "All I can say is that it's Arabic and I have a hunch it has "Allah" in it somewhere," he said enthusiastically (we imagine). We failed to ask Uncyclopedian every man Frosty what he thought about the conflict, he responded by saying "They are actually both kinda awful, so whatever. I cant be bothered." albeit he did say this on Tuesday... to someone else... about something completely different. Dr. Skullthumper rebutted Socky's accusations of Article Death Camps by saying "I've been an uptight fucker because I was on my periods" to RAHB, in 2008. Hopefully this will all accumulate with some kind of massive fight, hopefully with lasers... in space; this correspondent certainly hopes so. Competitions By Chief We here at the UnSignpost were out of writing material this week, and that doesn't just mean we have run out of pens, it means that VFS has concluded, nobody is really fighting about anything and most crucially there have been no writing competitions. Usually you can't move for Uncyclopedia competitions begging people to write something funny in the name of fun and games and with the promise of a shiny template should they do particularly well. Well Thekillerfroggy certainly noticed and it seems that every person who has ever hosted a competition ever was just waiting for him to ask since they are now all fighting over who gets to hold their writing competition first, by being incredibly gallant and insisting that everyone else go first. It's like watching a group of middle aged women discuss who will get to have the last Malteser: "Oh I really shouldn't, no you do it, you haven't had a Malteser in such a long time, I know I love them and being in charge of them but you asked nicely, oh do go on Mavis." You get the idea (obviously in this analogy Maltesers are writing competitions). We list the ideas floating around on the forum below for your laziness convenience: 1) The PLS, last hosted by Sycamore in February. 2) The Article Whisperer last hosted by MadMax in October last year. 3) The Happy Monkey Competition hosted by Shabidoo in March. 4) Some hypothetical competition possibly hosted by Ljlego at some theoretical point this summer. One thing is for certain, one of these will happen, be sure to keep an eye on the forums to see what is being held when, that way you can not take part as a conscientious objection rather than just through ignorance.

Check out these pages! Kip The Dip Do you speak Shabidoo? Romartus leads the way From our logs: 23:58, July 1, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked 27.3.18.100 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Look at the cute little revert warrior...) 08:27, July 1, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 137 minutes ‎ (it's not Retardpedia, you say? What the fuck was I ever doing here then?) 19:15, July 1, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked 108.67.107.232 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Why do people take so dang long to blank a page? Honestly. It's just edit -> select all -> backspace.) 16:30, July 3, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 71.228.244.123 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (It's my userpage, the important part being that it is mine, If I want to fill it with hentai and fairies that is my own crap decision and you should let me roll with it.) 01:09, July 5, 2011 Olipro (Talk | contribs) blocked Olipro sucks (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Your Mother) 11:27, July 4, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked 212.250.163.61 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (Are you stupid? This is a legitimate question based on the nature of your contributions.) Biopic of the Week What can one say about Joe9320? That he hasn't already said himself, it is not an exaggeration to say that Joe9320's biggest fan is Joe9320. That said, you should not let this, or his... unique userpage put you off Joe. Joe's biggest commitments right now are the Goa Tse clan, being made an admin and being Joe9320. Joe has been around since 2008 and should be afforded a level of respect for causing very little in the way of real problems in that time, accruing a stunning 8 blocks as he wheels from forum to forum explaining why he rocks and why we should all agree that he rocks. So those of you with supposedly limitless free time can swing past Joe's userpage and once they have enjoyed that for a little while can swing by his talk page and speak to the man himself. Good luck to you; there be monsters. Old School FA The GPS is today becoming a never-ending source of delight to exuberant male drivers, for two main reasons: Their total lack of ability to ask for directions. Their insatiable desire for new, expensive and totally unnecessary toys. The GPS fulfils both of those basic male needs. The GPS will essentially connect to several geographic satellites which are able to coordinate the driver's local position, destination and how to bridge the gap between the two. At the next roundabout- HOLY MOTHER OF GOD! Newsroom UnTune of the week Can't Stop Him Now

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:19, July 7, 2011 (UTC)

40th Thanks

FROM THE DESK OF GUILDENSTERNENSTEIN

Thank you for supporting my 40th featured article.

It also happens to be my third featured UnNews.

—Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 17:48, July 9, 2011 (UTC)

---

The UnSignpost: Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Telling You Stuff You Already Knew, But With Different Words!

July 14th, 2011 • Issue 129 • The Engines cannae take it Captain!

Now You're Gone By Chief This week the UnSignpost is the bearer of sad sad news. A person close to us all, an integral cog in the workings of the wiki has taken a leave of absence and now there is nobody to take up the slack. Yes it is with a heavy heart we report that Sannse is hardly ever here these days. For those who are interested there will be a small service on Sunday where we will all have a minutes fresh air in honour of Sannse, on the plus side Lyrithya hasn't edited the wiki in four days at the time of going to press! This forum by super sensitive Ljlego details his intentions to force Lyrithya into a holiday, buy tampons and grow a vagina, not necessarily in that order. For those of you who don't know what a holiday involves it's a very expensive way of going to stay somewhere with unreliable internet, too much spicy food and to be molested by foreigners who smell of spicy food. Ljlego doesn't make it clear why exactly he thinks that Lyrithya needs molesting but it's most likely because she makes a prettier lady than he does. Dr. Skullthumper, who just can't stay out of the UnSignpost these days, has diagnosed Lyrithya with what he calls "Uncyc Fatigue" a condition that in its final stages renders one completely incapable of caring about anything to do with Uncyclopedia. By that prognosis just about every woman in this correspondent's life has suffered from "Uncyc Fatigue" and not, as I incorrectly assumed, "Chief Fever". Romartus called for calm saying that we should "Let Lyrithya decide what she wants to do without pressure". So we should all just sit back and wait for the first corpse to turn up; cut to pieces in an alleyway with "Shifty Eyes" daubed in blood on a nearby wall. In other news the forums have exploded with suggestions for writing competitions, with ideas like "You write an article with your eyes closed!" and "You write an article about pants and then we all vote on which pants article is most pants and the winner can add a picture of some pants to their signature!!!" being floated for your approval. If you want to participate or support an idea then make a point of telling the person suggesting it, or they are liable to forget all about it. The PLS is the one that is most likely to happen and it needs fools with time on their hands willing volunteers to make it worthwhile, speaking of which do a Pee review. What you should all be doing. By Magic man Hi there, my name is Magic man. Some of you may know me as god, some of you may not. In this day in age, it's hard to know what to do; you've got the media, your boss, and all your friends at school (don't try to deny it, I know most of you are still schoolchildren) telling you different things: What to like, what to wear, who to be friends with, not to follow them home. To be quite frank, it annoys the hell out of me when people tell other people what to do. Unless I'm the one doing the telling. So after reviewing all the opinion columns, listening long and hard to everyone opinions I have come to this conclusion: Give me all your money. Really, I'm a great guy and very deserving. All my research does point to everyone giving me all their money, so that's another reason, right there. What's that you say? you think I'm lying to you just to help myself? Noooooo! What would make you say that? I mean, have I ever lied to you? Okay, maybe. But that doesn't mean I'm lying right now. Really, I'm not. Huh? What now?! You say you're to poor, old, ugly, lazy, selfish, stupid or short to give me money? Well don't worry your pretty little head you poor/old/ugly/lazy/selfish/stupid/short bastard you! Because if you can't give me money, give me your children! Don't have children? That's alright, I'll take anything! Blowjobs, pie, plastic penises, lollipops, whores, a collage college degree, attention, bananas (actually on second thought, don't give me bananas, I hate those things...), goldfish, human eyes, or hair pieces. Really, anything, except for bananas, remember, I hate those things! Give today.

Check out these pages! Site Notices We the people Extravaganza! POO! Fails QA From our logs: 11:11, July 12, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 213.226.63.143 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Haha! You're so funny and original, your talents are wasted here.) 08:22, July 10, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 89.142.73.215 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (Confucius say: Fuck you gaylord ) 08:29, July 12, 2011 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked 86.17.9.81 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (nice spamcruft, bro...) 20:42, July 7, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked Hotelle (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Please find yourself a more purposeful occupation than making a list about a yuky doody bigger.) 20:31, July 7, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 days ‎ (Giant pile of useless fail) 10:27, July 8, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 195.194.21.180 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (hey, you remember the last time I banned you for being an idiot? good times, man, good times. ) 07:25, July 12, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked 202.133.97.72 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 months ‎ (SERIOUSLY GUY, I HAVE TO ADMIT THE FACT THAT YOU ARE BANNED) Biopic of the Week The biopic for this week focusses on a user who has taught us all a thing or two about being Uncyclopedians and just a little bit about being human... ha ha just kidding, this week the biopic is about Shabidoo. Now let me start us off by saying that I don't hate Shabidoo how could one hate a user who persists in his enthusiasm for all aspects of the site? You've all seen him on the forums talking about his views and hosting competitions and writing and checking pee reviews. What a splendid fellow. However... His userpage, I've been there and he lists several users that inspire him; I am not on this list. He lists several users who are "Great Behind The Scenes"; I'm not on that list either. We here at the UnSignpost can only conclude that being "Great Behind the Scenes" involves doing sexual favours for Shabidoo and probably involves freakish dancing and harnesses. So if you fancy meeting Shabidoo, one of Uncyclopedia's great innovators, then you had better be prepared to strim his hedge at some point, if you know what we mean... Word of the Week Symmetry Newsroom UnTune of the week My Humps (Acoustic)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:18, July 14, 2011 (UTC)

The UnSignpost: Avoid all contact with eyes.

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

May contain traces of humor!

July 21st, 2011 • Issue 130 • Are you flirting with me?

Voting (again) Senseless rambling by ChiefjusticeDS So as we approach the end of the month the monthly award competition should really be heating up and showing us all the great expanses of talent of which Uncyclopedia can rightfully boast. We are pleased to report that this is exactly what has happened; the awards pages are packed with votes and edit summaries complaining of edit conflicts while voting, or at least they would be... IF WE LIVED IN OPPOSITE WORLD! In reality visiting an awards page feels rather like trekking around Chernobyl, sans Ukranian soldier who refuses to take pictures of you in front of all the landmarks; strange mutated beings (nominees) stagger out of the shadows begging for just one vote. However they await in vain as it would appear that all of you have forgotten that voting is actually the most fun you can have on Uncyclopedia, especially with your clothes off. One need only survey the lesser awards like Author of the Month and Potatochopper of the Month to see that this is clearly an issue in need of resolution. Dr. Skullthumper had this to say of the voting problem: "How so, where?" so we can all be assured that it is at the top of his to-do list of urgent issues to be resolved. The UnSignpost would like to be the first to recommend a solution; we suggest that we hit the award pages hard and fast with a major leafleting campaign, which when followed up with a proposal to propose a discussion on the issue of awards pages with few votes to be considered at some hypothetical point in the near to distant future by a committee of individuals elected through two junior sub-committees, will be a considerable force to be reckoned with. Since investigation is rumoured to be a part of the remit of the UnSignpost we outfitted several of our fearless reporters with pens and paper and sent them to find out what you think. Our first call was to the home of <insert name here> who, may we say, could do with mowing his lawn once in a while, and putting some clothes on before dancing to Blondie in the front room. "I was actually just going to vote on all the awards, no worries guys" said <insert name here> and we can only hope that <insert name here> does exactly that, since liars are regularly incarcerated on Zombiebaron's prison island, where the piteous cries of "No Zombiebaron here?" never stop. To update on the awards that have amassed some votes Noob of the Month, Uncyclopedia's favourite award, is exceptionally close this month with one candidate having assailed the dizzying heights of 4 votes and his nearest competitor tailing him at the similarly disorientating altitude of 3 votes. Uncyclopedian of the Month is a Frosty appreciation party and he leads his nearest competitor by 8 votes. Writer of the Month is a much more subdued affair with Mattsnow leading the pack with a massive three votes. The obvious resolution to this and indeed all problems on Uncyclopedia is that we all start voting as much as humanly possible, I'm going to go and do it right now; <insert name here> promised he would and I am inspired by his example, we hope you will be too. Football Uninformed rambling by ChiefjusticeDS It's American Football Season! Or so we are reliably informed on this forum by Guildensternenstein. The news is obviously that fantasy football is about to start again, for those of you who don't know how it works you are probably best to look it up on wikipedia or something because we here at the UnSignpost haven't a clue. Guildy has said "I need a minimum of 6 guys" and he would like about 12 people to sign up for fantasy football as well. The UnSignpost would also like to extend the offer of the post of "Pretend Sports Correspondent" to someone who can, occasionally, keep the expectant world up to date on the goings on in the league. If you want to participate then you had better sign up soon as there are only about three places left at the time of going to press, a working knowledge of American Football is not essential, just ask Neox and the "Well-Dressed Pickles" who managed to go the entirety of last season without winning or editing the line up, despite it containing six of the worst players in the entire league. Anyone interested in reporting on the fantasy football should submit a report to the press room from where, after some minor editing, we will place it into the next issue and claim it as our own.

Check out these pages! Extravaganza Bradaphraser Still not dead Lol whatever From our logs: 01:30, July 20, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Fnoodle (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (stealing admins' jobs. he's like one of them whatchacallits..... mexicans!) 18:50, July 19, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Mattsnow (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 500 seconds ‎ (Doing what I asked people to do in the UnSignpost; this means he read it before Thursday, this is tantamount to pissing in my face.) 08:31, July 19, 2011 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked 85.17.151.155 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Theres a party in my pants. But you aren't invited....) 18:10, July 18, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 year ‎ (Wanting to be an admin) 20:52, July 14, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked Colin "All your base" Heaney (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (too gullible to live) 20:53, July 14, 2011 Rcmurphy (Talk | contribs) resurrected Colin "All your base" Heaney (Talk | contribs) ‎ (too rare to die) Biopic of the Week Mattsnow should have seen this coming, he should have known that a biopic is the result of hard work, diligence and sincerity... However in his case we have made an exception. For those of you who don't know Mattsnow was noob of the month two months ago which just goes to show that we really do just give it out to anyone. He has written several featured articles; just goes to show that VFH should probably be renamed Bribe for Highlight. He has done pee reviews too and I'm told those are quite good, needless to say I don't believe that, it just goes to show that Pee Review standards have really fallen since my day. We beg of you not to vote Mattsnow in Writer of the Month this month, remember a vote for Mattsnow is a vote for so-called "quality" and "humour". Unacceptable. Go on, speak to him if you want but don't come crying to us when he's as nice as everyone says he is. Newsroom UnTune of the week I Love You Cajek ban smackdown of the week! 11:45, July 15, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 12.3456789 seconds ‎ (For not being around enough.) 15:32, July 15, 2011 Todd Lyons (Talk | contribs) changed block settings for Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 07.152011 seconds () ‎ (July 15: International "Ban Cajek" Day celebrations) 19:30, July 15, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 seconds ‎ (international ban Cajek day, you say?)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:22, July 21, 2011 (UTC)

FFW Unfomercials:ShamWow!_(Unrated)

Are you high? Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 18:40, July 23, 2011 (UTC)

I think the correct term would've been "piss drunk." However, despite being in the aforesaid incapacitated state, I found it lacking of funny. Now, being sober once more, I also find it lacking of funny. That said, I also see that there's little more that can be added to the article, so I'll reconsider. ~  Talk 19:26, 23 July 2011 (UTC)

I thought it was funny. I'm awesome. Ergo, you're not awesome. There. I said it. You're not awesome. Unlike me. And my beautiful hair. /me runs hands through my beautiful hair Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 19:33, July 23, 2011 (UTC)

AT Field article

I don't mind if you burn this article, but only under one condition: Are you well versed in the Evangelion anime? I think this page would be funny to people who are fans of that anime, and if you are, and you still think it's no good, then go ahead and kill. Otherwise, leave it alone, cause I'm awesome and shit. --S0.S0S.0S.0S0 03:12, July 25, 2011 (UTC)

I am not very well versed in Evangelion anime. However, I recently showed it to someone who is and got an "Oh" in response. You can still save the article by moving it into your userspace and working on it (maybe add some more content to it? And making the joke understandable to a wider audience?) by clicking the "Move" tab and putting "User:So So/AT Field" in the "To new title" area. ~  Talk 15:01, 25 July 2011 (UTC)

Oh for fuck's sake Humbucker So So knows how to move a fucking page -- T​K​F​​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​UU​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​CK 23:20, July 25, 2011 (UTC)

I have a bad habit of assuming people are retarded as I am. Sorry. ~  Talk 23:22, 25 July 2011 (UTC)

Forest Fire Week

You've tagged three of my UnNews articles, including the David Nutt one that made the "front page" UnNews stories when I wrote it, for deletion. What gives? --Zarbag 20:22, July 25, 2011 (UTC)

I have a great memory, but expecting me to remember 3 articles when I've tagged several hundred is a little much. Links? Also, I tagged what I thought sucked, or what I didn't find funny whatsoever. Also also, don't feel bad that I only tagged 3 of yours. There was another user who kept coming up - I think I got at least 20 of his. ~  Talk 21:17, 25 July 2011 (UTC)

They're this one, this one and this one. Like I said, the Nutt one made the front page UnNews articles when I wrote it. Two of them are about British politics so if you're American then it's understandable you wouldn't get them (I regularly ignore most of the US-centric UnNews stories because I know I won't get the references and therefore won't like the article), one is a stupid in-joke adapted to Zimbabwean politics. One person not getting an article is no basis for it being tagged for destruction. I'd understand if they were some half-done, punctuation-free crap about how Tony Blair loves to eat unicorns for tea and is emperor of China from his base on the moon lol but when I've actually put some thought into them and someone who knew a bit about politics over here would understand the satire I have to put my hand up and wave it around. I'd even defend the Mugabe one, which is easily my poorest/laziest bit of reportage, because it was satirising the extreme/bonkers rhetoric Mugabe engages in which sounds like an angry schoolchild (hence the "statesmanlike rhetoric" bit at the end). I'm encouraged to "move the article to [my] user space" if I want to save it. How/why? It's past news - it's done. Effectively these articles (which aren't even part of uncyclopedia proper) could potentially be lost forever because a passing Admin didn't like them. --Zarbag 08:10, July 26, 2011 (UTC)

Okay, after re-reading them, I'll take the FFW off the Nutt one and the Gordon Brown piece. These were both among the best of the ones I templated. The Mugabe one is a little trickier because, no matter how great it might have been when Mugabe was in the news a lot and people knew how he talked, now the story reads... I'll say "immature." As for the "one person not getting an article is no basis for it being tagged for destruction," that's why we have a week for discussion before they get deleted. If you still feel that the Mugabe story should stay in mainspace, let me know and I'll pass the story around on IRC to see what other people think. ~  Talk 16:33, 26 July 2011 (UTC)

Thanks for removing the threat from those two UnNews articles, you're a gent. As for the Mugabe one, I'll take you up on the offer to punt it at the IRC people and let it be judged there. --Zarbag 19:31, July 28, 2011 (UTC)

I took it off because, honestly, I don't give a flying fuck anymore. Cheers! ~  Talk 01:53, 29 July 2011 (UTC)

Schwarzenegger UnNews

Hey Humbucker, can I ask you what you think of this? I think it might need another tweak or two before it's worthy of a feature shot, but I don't want to burden someone with doing a whole Pee review. Would you mind letting me know what you think? —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 14:33, July 26, 2011 (UTC)

Yes, I really liked it, but I also agree that it's a step or two away from VFHing. Reading the piece again, my opinion is that it could do with less talk by analysts and more talk by gods; analysts by nature have a boring persona while gods are bold as brass, making for just generally better quotations. We have why Zeus is supporting Schw-fuck-it-I'd-rather-type-out-a-longer-hyphenated-joke-than-get-the-spelling-right, but what about the other gods on Olympus? Do they agree with this? I especially want to know Hera's view here. You could intersperse these quotes with some of the analysis that you already have, which is often quite good, for the contrast of the analyst vs. god tone. Also, in the future, please run you stories by a third blah blah, blah blah template, blah. ~  Talk 16:43, 26 July 2011 (UTC)

I see, and I will take that all into account and revise, except for that incomprehensible last bit. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 19:01, July 26, 2011 (UTC)

I made a few tweaks and added a bunch of one-liners for the other Olympian gods. What do you think now? VFH-worthy, or needs more work? —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 01:15, July 27, 2011 (UTC)

I can't think of anything else to add. Run it up the flagpole and see who sticks their tongue to it, or whatever the phrase is. ~  Talk 01:39, 27 July 2011 (UTC)

Forest Fire week

It is said that you are one of the people labeling articles at the rate of many a minute. Please take the power that you feel because of this stupid FFW and stuff it up your, hey what's new? Seriously, people wrote those pages, worked on them, found illustrations, and you and others are just putting a template on them, which takes a few seconds itself. Are you going to claim "Oh, but I read them all, carefully and with a discerning mind as to the overall concept"? What a pile of, hey, good to know you. Aleister 18:07 27-7-'11

p.s. Did I go too far in criticizing you? Let me know, because there is a lot further to go.

Yeah, you're going off the reports of another user. When said user was asked to go through the articles himself, he actually took less time to do so than the rate at which he claimed TheHumbucker was tagging them. So your facts are wrong. You may also want to calm down, take a deep breath, and read the forum before having a fit. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 18:17 Jul 27, 2011

Well, I'm getting all my fit out of my system at once as I only have a short time on the computer and just learned of this VFD-go-around project. And tagging over 500 pages in a week seems like an odd thing for a relatively noob to do. So my apologies for getting any of this wrong (when someone did complain two out of three were reversed by the user) and all. But you know me by now, I try to save everything with some worth, and actually wouldn't tag any page in this project but would have taken them all to VFD for community agreement. What's going to happen to the maybe thousands of pics which will be orphaned by this process, will they be save at least on unused pics without being huffed? (and my time is short on computers these days, so please take that as a request not to huff the pics too. thanks.) Aleister 18:25 27-7-'11

The reason he tagged so many was because I generated a specific page of articles that were likely to be crap (in particular, very short UnNews articles). I'm talking articles 2-3 lines long if that with no pictures and sometimes no content. It was very easy to fly through and that's how he got to the place he's at.

Anyway, I don't like having to bypass a true VFD process any more than you do. In fact, I like it less because I'm the one who gets accused of being a deletion-monger. But the thing is, VFD is still slower than the number of articles we have coming in. Even if we somehow stopped new articles dead, it would still take years to get the place cleaned up. There are some systems in place to prevent abuse, such as the two-person-to-huff system I described on the forum, but for the most part, speed is of the essence. The thing about good articles is that there are always more.

As for the unused images, if they're unused, there's no reason to keep them, unless they're original photoshops or something. Otherwise they're just stolen content off the rest of the Internet without a parody (read: used in an article) purpose. That's not right, legally (or morally) speaking - we can't just host images that aren't put in a parody context. Obviously, images that are parody themselves are exempt, but usually those are linked from galleries in peoples' userspaces anyway. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 18:30 Jul 27, 2011

More class than 9000 schools: It's the UnSignpost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Replaces Analysis With Flashy Graphics!

July 28th, 2011 • Issue 131 • Happy Thursday

Forest Fire Spreads, Users Divided By Chief Now when it comes to deleting crap articles everybody on Uncyclopedia is on the same side, with the possible exception of Jupiterfox. We want crap articles out in order that we can effectively breed a wiki fit for kings and whoever else might stumble by. It is in the name of pruning the grand bush of humour that Forest Fire Week (or FFW if you are on a tight schedule) has come to be once again. For those of you who have been living under rocks on the surface of Saturn with only the UnSignpost to provide you with news Forest Fire Week involves tagging articles with a tag (duh) and then deleting them after seven days no matter what anyone else says. Such is the attraction of sending articles into the great infinite that there is a scoreboard on the forum detailing which of the Schutzstaffel participating users has captured the most deviant articles. The amount of tagging is truly tremendous with about 7% of all Uncyclopedia's articles winning themselves a tag. The scoreboard for most articles saved from Forest Fire Week tags is somewhat more subdued with Shabidoo leading the way having saved three, and Thekillerfroggy and Sockpuppet of an unregistered user following along behind having saved 1.5 and 0.5 articles respectively. Those of you looking for a bit of a hoot will not be disappointed to learn that the whole forum is a bit of a giggle as some users sit and sulk because they hate Forest Fire Week but feel too polite to tell anybody. Nobody will be surprised to learn that this is yet another brainwave from Uncyclopedia's head innovator Dr. Skullthumper who has a vision for Uncyclopedia and it is an Uncyclopedia that remains aerodynamic at high speeds due to the lack of poor articles attached to it. As always the UnSignpost has foregone actually speaking to him, mostly because we don't want our archives to be burned to the ground in the name of quality control. But just remember the good doctor is convinced "Our ancestors would not be proud of us" so we must be going right somewhere. Forest Fire Week ends on the very day that this splendid periodical has been delivered to you; users are instructed to return to their caves and await Dr. Skullthumper's next brain fart, it won't take long, it'll probably be recommending some kind of cyber upgrade for your brain that will turn us all into Cybermen. Then Doctor Who will have to murder everyone with plastic explosive, before having a final showdown with Dr. Skullthumper as he attempts to escape the exploding factory in his personal Zeppelin. It could happen. Users Return. Everything is Ruined. By Chief So you've been away from Uncyclopedia for a while, doing.... the garden. After a while you sit down and say "Hey my life is pretty average at the moment; I've finally managed to fit 17 crayons into a single nostril. I'll swing by past Uncyclopedia and all the freaky losers there!". So you do and everything has changed, what was right is now wrong that which once wore parachute pants... continues to wear parachute pants. Yes it seems Uncyclopedia isn't what it used to be as literally two users have reappeared to inform us that everything has gone wrong all of a sudden. Yes you should all be ashamed of the mess every single one of you have made of their favourite pages. There isn't really a point to this story, it is more a public service announcement. The other point of this story is to inform you all that our principal editor will be unable to write any news next week due to the impending arrival of several "friends" wishing to discuss some of his unfortunate financial liabilities. The UnSignpost therefore requires somebody to write the whole thing next week, attend the tedious meetings and... well that's pretty much it. If interested you should simply write the UnSignpost, it's easy; help us manage an issue every week for an entire year. It beats having real life goals.

Check out these pages! Do we? Name Game Uncyclopedia Unacceptable Most Visited Summer Extravaganza From our logs: 08:31, July 23, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 195.188.227.42 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Removing content from pages: That's so unoriginal I don't even have to type it out, it's on a drop down list; you sir are about as original as the next fifa game, i.e. not at all. IT'S JUST FOOTBALL DAMMIT!) 04:45, July 24, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) changed block settings for 66.90.104.57 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite () ‎ (You must be this "piece of shit who eats pieces of his own shit" i hear so much about) 23:16, July 25, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked 67.100.64.227 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Don't kill the nazis, please.) 12:59, July 26, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) changed block settings for 71.134.147.97 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (You seem to be doing something wrong, seeing as I'm banning you. You figure it out, I'm too lazy.) 04:36, July 27, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked TheHappySpaceman (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (Make better nominations. Also, times new roman??? geez what did you go to private school or something) 09:35, July 24, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Mikefish (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Masterfully done sir, to top it off perhaps you would like to try dangling your genitals in boiling water, it's great!) Biopic of the Week “I can't let you edit that Dave” ~ Fnoodle Well the UnSignpost has already done a biopic on Fnoodle but at the risk of constantly talking about Dr. Skullthumper and his freaky freakness, we are going to do it again now. The reason for this because alongside a whole host of pointless things you don't want to know about, Fnoodle now also delivers the UnSignpost, bans people and deletes articles. This is a splendid outcome, if you want to live in a Terminator film, shortly we will hand over too much power to Fnoodle, he will become self-aware and we will have to live in sewers to escape his humour purges. This of course is all part of the plan to have the wiki run not by humans who just moan about everything and clog up recent changes with new articles and voting, but by a race of sentient machines. So beware he of the daft username, he knows not what he does... well not at the moment anyway. Newsroom UnTune of the week I'm Ready To Bowl Right Now

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:22, July 28, 2011 (UTC)

UnNews Formatting Gofer

Hi Humy, I voted over there but it looks like anarchy is more desirable to the knee jerk commies. Personally I don't know how any one will ever stick as Editor of Unnews under such meaningless gofer position. Every time an editor tries to be an editor at Unnews they get run out of town by the lynch mob. Since I started writing here I have seen three editors fail at being allowed to edit. So I guess your job is to be a powerless formatting gofer. Hope you can stick it out. Cheers!--Funnybony    16:09, Jul 28

It looks like it, which is really too bad. Not gonna lie, being Editor blew massive donkey schlong, but I don't see how anarchy will end with the quality of the project getting better. But now I'm coming to the realization that it isn't about quality; it's about satisfying the writer's ego. Oh well. On the bright side, I'm heading out. While all the drama was getting broiled up by certain immature children who seem to need the ego boost of seeing their crap on the Main Page, I was sending inquiry letters to other satire websites and actually got a couple of hits. Now I can write the stuff I like writing, not have to put up with the petty bull, get published on legitimate sites with a good readership and even get paid (it'll come out to something like $0.50 an hour, but still; I can buy half of Zimbabwe with that). I think I can live with how this'll end.

As for UnNews, now you can front page everything! Get the picture, too! I just won't be around to correct any spelling mistakes, but you were pretty good with that (thank you, thank you, thank you).

So yeah, it's been great working with you. I hope to see your writing someplace else, too. ~  Talk 02:23, 29 July 2011 (UTC)

I never tried to get my own piece of work on the front page since you started editing and voted against being allowed to. It's a shame you're leaving because your articles are some of the best ever written for UnNews. Good luck with the new projects, I think you've got the writing talent to go far. mAttlobster. (hello) 11:25, July 29, 2011 (UTC)

Humy, R U leaving?

This rotating UnNews editors problem is becoming pathetic. Please tell me about "legitimate sites with a good readership" that you found so I can also check it out. My teen son laughs at me for writing here. He's a YouTuber, and in his mind less than 100,000 views is peanuts... so when I told him it was hard to get 10 TEN votes on VFH he laughed and said, "WHAT!? It takes 10 votes!?? Why do you bother with such a small group?" If I tell him I have an FA he is not even remotely impressed. So please tell me about much more populated humor sites you have found and perhaps I'll join you. Please reply to me at rsbj@hotmail.com. Much appreciated.--Funnybony    07:34, Jul 29

Humbucker: what Funnyboy said, only...could you direct a c.c. to uncoolestdude (at) gmail (dot) com (that's me)? Thanks! ⇒»Biz E.B. Ver  (gabble) 09:41, July 29, 2011 (UTC)

Bizzeebeever, I kept getting a mailer daemon, so here's the sight I was going to e-mail: [1]. Check out these sites, find one you think is your style, and look for how to submit. If there's nothing that says how, contact them and be all "I found your site and I'm interested in submitting. Attached are some samples of what I've done." Then look for links to other satire sites from that one and network around. Good luck! ~  Talk 17:28, 30 July 2011 (UTC)

Declension

My main man, could you please remove FFW from Declension. Its not fabulous but its a good start and better than what was. Cheers my dears :) --ShabiDOO 00:52, July 29, 2011 (UTC)

Done. It was horrid before. Now it's meh, which isn't FFWable. Good job. ~  Talk 01:56, 29 July 2011 (UTC)

Indeed...of the four articles I saved...this is by far the most meh. I will pick at it and try to make it more than meh. Fo shizzle! By the way...my space ship is ready to fly to the centre of the moon if you wanna come!?!??????!! --ShabiDOO 02:13, July 29, 2011 (UTC)

Absolutely. Let's get the fuck out of here. ~  Talk 02:24, 29 July 2011 (UTC)

NOOOOO

You can't leave!? What about UnNews? If you leave, i'll leave! -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 02:34, 29 July 2011

This is what happened to UnNews. And I'm not about to go against a vote by the community, that would be just awful, childish and make me look like, as they say in India, a "plick." We can both leave on Shabidoo's rocket ship! ~  Talk 02:37, 29 July 2011 (UTC)

What you need is a bottle of wine. No, really. It's doing wonders over here. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 02:41 Jul 29, 2011

Humbuckler...the rocket is ready, but the ship is definately comming back to uncyclopedia. Like for shizle. After we colonise the peacefull and innocent moon people in the centre :) --ShabiDOO 02:46, July 29, 2011 (UTC)

Didn't the UnNews Czar thingy involve more than just overseeing a couple templates? Also, I think a lot of the people voting specifically had the {{RecentUnNews}} template in mind. Not sure where that leaves the issue on all of the templates on the UnNews front page. Also also, please don't leave. You've always been a great contributer to the site. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 07:51, 29 July 2011

Dear kind hearted Socky, when I saw the so-called "over-sight vote" for UnNews - I knew it was NOT about oversight, it was a vote for UNNEWS EDITOR: Yes/No? And the tiny handful of people who make up Uncyclopedia voted NO. Any voter who could not see what the vote was really about is a moron. Just consider, Why? HowTo:, everywhere here has over sight, but UnNews is a thankless task. The only editor you'll ever get to stay at UnNews would have to be a robot, but even a robot needs to be plugged in to work. The little-kids vote was held, and Humy was voted OUT. Now, once again, immaturity has fucked up UnNews.--Funnybony    08:12, Jul 29

I trust you don't go Humbucker but at the same time, UnNews should be removed from the front page if there is now no oversight. --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 17:23, July 29, 2011 (UTC)

Don't vote for my dog!

It's weird but it's sort of funny because it's weird is the thing. So I mean, I dunno. Can I remove the tag? Or do you think it's unsalvagably unfunny? – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 02:55 Jul 29, 2011

Hey! Everybody look at me! I writing stuff! This should be a feature aritcle!Mumble Grumble bumble Flrumble Nnnahh

OK, I’m going to do the thing where I compliment you by ‘blowing smoke up your arse followed by a kick to the balls’ technique that people use to let someone down easy. So here goes. Not being an experienced writer or internet user (apart from porn or gambling), I was a little apprehensive about joining an internet community such as Uncyclopedia (given the amount of controversy over the current UnNews piss ant issue, I probably would have avoided this site in the first place). I decided to have a go and spent the good part of three days trying to conjure up an average article which was the best I could muster at the time. From memory, it didn’t make the front page ‘or’ the template and was probably very delete-o-rific. At first I was shitty that my genius wasn’t being properly pandered to; as nobody was knocking down my front door to pull my pantaloons in the downwards direction to devour the gooey innards. Then I started to think, hmm, why?

It was this ‘why’ which led to more questions about the terribleness of my writing which I wont really get into. It was your incessant ‘jumped up n00b’ attitude; including unnecessary spell checks, improper grammar alterations and superfluous joke addition’s which gave me great assistance in my transition from serial porn bandit into someone who felt like he could be a regular contributor to UnNews in both quality and quantity (my last article taking about an hour to conjure up). So I owe you a big thank you in regards to your quality edits and the professionalism in taking on a boring and thankless job which made it a lot easier on a n00bular unit like me. If you are definitely leaving, which I assume you are based on the decrepit status of UnNews I don’t think people realize what a loss you are to the site.

Now that the sycophantic compliments are over, it’s time for the ball kicking part. Yay! You say that to remain in ‘charge’ (by doing productive edits and maintaining the template and front page) would be childish. I say, to crack the shits at the other kids and take your bat and ball and go home would be equally childish. As Shabidoo pointed out, most of the people involved in the vote to rid you of your ‘god like’ duties were either non contributors or irregular contributors at best and were voting for their own ability to get recognized (when they actually add to the project) and as such can get fucked. It seems that the vote-0-rama that may have released you of some of your ‘dictatorship’ powers may also release you from the stress of being said dictator. From what I’ve gathered from various stalk pages is that you used to be quite the prolific and hilarious writer of UnNewses. Because of this, I recommend that instead of cracking the shits like a little bitch and leaving the site with your tail between your legs, go back to where you started. Why did you join in the first place? Write some fucking awesome UnNews articles (and put it on the front page yourself because apparently that’s OK now). There’s absolutely no excuse why you can’t do what you used to before all this bullshit started. So in summary, pull your head out of your arse, swallow your pride and do what you came here to do! HauntedUndies. 12:35, July 30, 2011 (UTC)

Whatever the fuck he just said...I second it. ⇒»Biz E.B. Ver  (gabble) 12:56, July 30, 2011 (UTC)

I think I can swing back by to answer this.

First off, thanks for the compliments. One of the things I'll miss most about Uncyc is seeing you develop as a writer, HauntedUndies. As you say yourself, your first contribution was rather delete-o-rific, but you quickly got the hang of things and were becoming a regular on the Front and Main page. The upswing you took was pretty damn amazing, even if your grammar and spelling could still use some work. I hope you keep up the good work, and now you can always be on the Main Page, no matter how delete-o-rific the story is. Use that power, for it was given to you through the power of naivety.

Yes, I did notice that most of the Anarchy voters were people who probably didn't know there was a Front Page. People kept voting against oversight and my only reaction was "Who the fuck are you?" And yes, I could just ignore the vote and keep making alterations to the templates because now I can and because Hell yes, ANARCHY, but that's exactly the crap that brought things down this low in the first place, and I prefer to take the high road. This reverting-because-I-can-and-this-is-a-Wiki bullshit is, in fact, bullshit, and I think I can put up with less bullshit in my life.

And, speaking of my life, yes, I did write some (I think) hilarious UnNewses back before I wasn't dealing with the reversions on a daily basis (don't take my word for it, though, read them on my userpage. Front Page them if you want because, well, now you can!). After the previous Editor in Chief (SPIKE) left and things were in flux, I whored one of these stories onto the Front Page box, but this gave me absolutely 0 satisfaction, because I knew that its quality had nothing to do with it being there. It felt dirty and empty and I suddenly understood why some users called this practice "whoring." So yes, I could go back to where I started. And yes, I am going back to where I started.... Just not here. While all the mud was in the air, I was looking for other sites to send my stuff to, and actually managed to get a few hits. I'm already on the front page here, and I didn't even have to whore myself to put it there - it's there because the editors think it's a damn good article, and that means far more to me than my ability to manipulate a template.

So no, I don't think I have my tail between my legs. I know for sure that I haven't swallowed my pride, either, because I also don't want my articles in the same bin as the drivel that this anarchy vote will inevitably allow into RecentUnNews. So now I think it's time for me to move on to something that I see is a better fit for me, with a larger readership, editors, professionalism, and even, dare I say it, money.

"And that's the way it is."

Humbucker, signing off. ~  Talk 17:35, 30 July 2011 (UTC)

Good luck, glad to have made the acquaintance. Let me know where you're heading and drop me a line at romartus@hotmail.com . --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 17:53, July 31, 2011 (UTC)

I think you're misinterpreting the vote as being a vote for Anarchy, but eh, yer pays yer money ya takes ya choice -- Prof. Olipro KUN (W)Anchor Op Bur. (Harass) 21:19, July 31, 2011 (UTC)

Blargh.

I might miss having you around, but I'd rather insist you be where you're happy, you know? Meantime UnNews is going to turn into a pile of crap, but the folks brought that upon themselves. Idiots.

On a vaguely related note, there's another site you might want to consider. Silent Penguin and some others have been working on an overhaul of their bogus news site, and it's almost set up now, so... well, you can check out the current here; perhaps drop Silent Penguin a line if it looks interesting to you? Might try in IRC; he's usually in the #illogicopedia channel.

Anyhow, wish you well. Take care, man. 1234 ~ 19:01, 31 July 2011

Fantasy Football

Though the answer is probably 'no', would you be interested in re-joining? Lollipop quit just as we were getting our draft started, and a massive metaphorical wrench has been thrown in the whole thing as a result. I understand if you couldn't care less, but at most all you'd have to do is make a team on Yahoo! (which takes about two minutes), and from there Brad and I could "autopick" your draft based on the Yahoo! preseason rankings. In the end, it really isn't a big commitment, seeing as you could just set your lineup, like, once, and leave it the rest of the season. (And if you do care, well, then, more power to you.) You were interested enough to sign up before once, what do you say to signing up again? —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 20:24, August 4, 2011 (UTC)

Did you seriously leave????

Quitter. Whimy houser. Jumper klingon. Anyway, you are a very good writer, esp. of news articles, and that's where you excelled. The editor-in-chief thing didn't work out, mainly for reasons of wikihood and "No bosses" freeform style. But as a writer, WTF, you ran off? Tails between your whore's legs (Been there, done that)???? This is one of the best places on the web to write and have your story loved and honored with ghosts aplenty, yet because a few people didn't like your style as czar you deem yourself away? Please ocme back and write as you did before you tried your hand at czar, you contributed some of the best UnNews' pages seen around here this year. Aleister 19:09 16-8-'11

Forget it, Aleister, it's Chinatown. ⇒»Biz E.B. Ver  (gabble) 20:34, August 16, 2011 (UTC)

Like Spike, The Humbucker is unlikely to return. Confirmed via recent email exchange. --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 17:52, August 24, 2011 (UTC)

Marbles. "Pickin' em up, boss. Takin' dem home, boss." Aleister 18:45 24-8-'11

Greetings

I have gone through my records and it appears as though you may have voted for me for some award, supported one or more of my articles on VFH, or supported one or more of my images on VFP, in the past year or so. If this is not the case, then please ignore this message. Otherwise, thank you for your support. May you have a long and fruitful life, and have many parasites. 1234 ~ 18:57, 6 January 2012

Hell if I can remember. But it must've seemed like the right thing to do at the time, which means you were probably being awesome at the time. You can thank me not by writing on my wall but by continuing to be awesome, at this time. ~  Talk 05:32, 7 January 2012 (UTC)

Well, you're awesomer. So there. How's things, anyhow? 1234 ~ 06:23, 7 January 2012

Which things are we talking about? My dog? Still non-existent (sad face) My job? Now non-existent (\o/) This donut? Hang on a sec.... 'ow 'on egshishunt. /me chokes. /me gags. /me dies. ~  Talk 18:46, 7 January 2012 (UTC)

Hmm... unfortunate as some things are, some good has come of this, at least. *harvests organs* 1234 ~ 00:17, 11 January 2012

Your still alive...

Well how about that O__o ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 06:43, January 7, 2012 (UTC)

The report of my death was an overstatement. I've been wanting to use that Twain-ism in a sentence for years now ~  Talk 18:37, 7 January 2012 (UTC)

 :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

CLICK HERE--ShabiDOO 09:57, January 24, 2012 (UTC)

Boooooooooo

Come baaaaaaaaaaaaack. Without your power ring we can't summon Captain Planet! -- T​K​F​​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​UU​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​CK 17:12, March 7, 2012 (UTC)

Fuck you guys and Captain Planet. I wanted the Fire ring but you let Zombiebaron have it and gave me this other piece of shit. What the fuck kind of bullshit is "Heart"? I don't wanna play anymore. ~  Talk 06:59, 8 March 2012 (UTC)

YOU EDITED, THAT MEANS YOU'RE BACK. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 07:02, March 8, 2012 (UTC)

Just passing through. As you were, comrade. ~  Talk 07:06, 8 March 2012 (UTC)

My standard response when I see an old user ambling by:-

“Just when I thought I was out...they pull me back in”

~

Welcome back all the same. --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 09:00, March 8, 2012 (UTC)

If you don't at least contribute some unnews stories as an IP, I'll track you down and cut off your balls. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Fri, Mar 30 '12 19:06 (UTC)

Sounds like a good reason to stop editing as an IP. Can't have you recognizing my posts, running my IP address and knocking on my door with a pair of hedge clippers. ~  Talk 19:22, 30 March 2012 (UTC)

Hedge clippers? Hedge clippers? Hedge clippers would be too good for you. I've got a rusty saw blade and a propane torch. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Fri, Mar 30 '12 19:30 (UTC)

Hey, welcome back bro! We were starting to feel lonely, everyone abandons the ship :S Mattsnow 19:40, March 30, 2012 (UTC)

babble

Here is your babble. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 06:05, July 21, 2012 (UTC)

Yay! ~  Talk 13:45, 21 July 2012 (UTC)

So is this for real this time or are you just twiddling my tits again? -- T​K​F​​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​UU​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​CK 17:16, July 21, 2012 (UTC)

TKF, I will always twiddle your tits. They're the only ones I can twist into balloon animals. ~  Talk 18:51, 21 July 2012 (UTC)

Now how do I log onto IRC again...? ~  Talk 18:54, 21 July 2012 (UTC)

Click on the Chatroom link on the left menu. It's right under the Village Dump button. Follow page instructions. Also, I don't think we've met. Hello. The Woodburninator Minimal Effort ™ 21:07, July 21, 2012 (UTC)