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Welcome to The House of Pomegranates, the collection of short stories that is intended neither for the British child nor the British public.


Oscar Wilde has inspired us to work on 40,269 stories and plays since opening in January 2005.

Before modifying any of Wilde's works, please read the snooty writing guidelines and homo-acceptance manual.

Browse:

Stories | Delightful People | Famous Quotes | Abnormal People | Quite Quaint | Coherent
Oscar's Picks | Straight Index | Works in other Genres...


Another Oscar Wilde picture. From:

wilde.jpg

Chastity is a calling higher than marriage, and spiritually more profitable.

Oscar's Chosen Article

Rabbi1.jpg

tap tap

Is this thing on?

tap tap

I told the shmendriks in logistics to make sure everything is prepared before I start this part.

HELLO? CAN ANYONE HEAR ME?

waves of feedback from the speakers, congregation cringes

Tekiah Gedolah!

feedback like a shofar, congregation laughs

Ah! So those shlimazels can actually do something for once. Since they didn't manage to block the credit crunch, I lost faith in them.

congregation giggles

So, chevralach, thank you all for coming for this pre-Shabbat get together of the congregation. I'd especially like to thank Mrs. Rubinstein for preparing all the lovely krepalach for the meeting. Thank you Rebecca, much appreciated. (Full article...)

You can suggest articles for Oscar to read.

More of Oscar's picks


Why was I born with such contemporaries?

Isaac Newton.jpg

July 5: X Day; Day After We Kicked The Brits Ass Day (Southern US)

  • 334 BC – Masturbation is accidentally invented by Plato in Athens. His diciple Aristoteles is later declared "Master of his domain"
  • 1687Isaac Newton (pictured) discovers gravity after being hit on the head by a falling fig.
  • 1689 – After outbreak of falling fruit, Isaac Newton officially changes gravity to 7.
  • 1946 – The bikini is introduced in Paris, France. Later, no bikini atoll was the trend.
  • 1967 – The first kidney transplant to be made entirely of lego bricks ends in tragedy
  • 1976Dumbass starts running across the United States.
  • 1998 – Aliens fail to turn up and fry everyone to a pink crisp.
  • 1999 – Again, the aliens miss the due date.
  • 2000 – Yet again, the aliens fail to meet their contractual obligations.
  • 2001 – Cultists get seriously pissed off with yet another no-show.
  • 2002 – Kooks consider taking legal action against missing aliens.
  • 2003 – Aliens turned up, but not the right aliens. Bloody mocking tourists.
  • 2004 – No one turns up because no one expects the aliens to. And, yup, they didn't.
  • 2005 – If you are reading this, the aliens did not turn up for the 8th year running.
  • 2005 – Longest fart in world history. Produced by AMB.
  • 2006 – That's right, still no aliens.
  • 2006Zombies become extinct.
  • 2007Deal or No Deal? The aliens decide to take the money and not show up - again!
  • 2010 – The Church Of The Subgenius hijacks the Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/July 5 page
  • 2155 – Aliens almost turned up but missed a left due to wrong directions and landed on Venus.
  • 2156 – Aliens turn up and land in Tokyo but flee due to a Gundam Statue that lit up at night.
  • 19447 – Aliens appear as tourists, but at this point no one cares.


The history of the United Kingdom

The one duty we owe to history is to rewrite it.


Mikey Madison tough guy actor.png

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Silksong, TAWOG, Stranger Things 5, and Spaceballs 2 • Russian InvasionGaza WarTrump and Elon's feud.. make up.. no one knows anymore • Animal-related live-action remakes kicking Snow White's ass • Jaws 50th anniversary • Colorado Rockies game replacing Jaws airing • Israel/Iran "peace talks" • Pittsburgh Steelers adding old players way past their prime

Recent deaths: Ariana Grande's NonnaCanadian team's bid to win the Stanley Cup, again • PF4Eva's headphone cable • Jimmy SwaggartDiddy's freedom for only 20 years • Michael MadsenDiogo Jota

Upcoming deaths: DEITom Cruise's career of sprinting on-screenNew York Knicks' future success • Pittsburgh Steelers' locker room • Greta Thunberg? • R. Kelly • Iran's nuclear program • Oil prices • Dumbasses with fireworks in their backyards • Diddy's bank account after incoming lawsuits


Today in London


It is a very sad thing that nowadays there is so little useless information, so did you know...

From Uncyclopedia's playwrights:

  • ... that many diseases can be prevented by washing your hands before eating, after eating, during eating, and another couple of times just in case?


Read on

This Month's Wit

Writer of the month.png

Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.


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Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!


Noobaward.png

Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.


Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners


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For Oscar-related chatter, see this room to talk about Oscar.

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