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Milking the world for every last drop of news juice
Wednesday, August 21, 2019, 22:47 (UTC)
Coyote $21,000 in debt
UnNews:Coyote $21,000 in debt
PHOENIX, Arizona -- A wild coyote who stumbled through a college campus has been revealed to be $21,000 in debt. But not necessarily for student loans. The animal has spent almost its entire income on faulty products from Acme.

Florida man turns Spider-Man into Carpenter's They Live
UnNews:Florida man turns Spider-Man into Carpenter's They Live
ORLANDO, Florida -- A local man who enjoys making fun of liberals online, whether sincerely or ironically, took his political views and artistry to a whole new level mashing up a scene from Sam Raimi's Spider-Man with what appears to be a CNN-bashing homage to John Carpenter's They Live.
Where will Muse be in fifteen years?
UnNews:Where will Muse be in fifteen years?
HOLLYWOOD -- Muse is a popular band right now, I guess, mostly due to the Twilight movies. But what will become of them in fifteen years? Because we had nothing better to do, UnNews turned to legendary fortune teller Miss Ella to provide that answer.

My Toast Went Missing
UnNews:My Toast Went Missing
This just in, my toast went missing. The toast was first recorded missing at 9:30 p.m., when it left my plate for no apparent reason. I looked all over the house to the horror that MY TOAST WENT MISSING! Police were called to investigate to no prevail. They brought in some suspects to help with this crime.
OMG, WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE-- wait, nevermind
UnNews:OMG, WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE-- wait, nevermind
EARTH, Space, The Universe -- Oh my god, a giant asteroid is headed for Earth. Scientists are calling it the "City Killer." OH MY GOD, WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!!

Before we all perish, I'd just like to say it's been a great 6 billion-year run.

I also have a few confessions to make.

I have never seen any of The Godfather movies.


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Your horoscope for today: Your intuition, which is heightened by the Moon on Sunday, is telling you something: you have made a complete fucking mess of your life so far.



About UnNews
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UnNews is a service of Uncyclopedia that spreads misinformation and cons the public into swallowing it hook-line-and-sinker (and worm), by guilefully making it resemble authentic news articles. UnNews stories use satire to ensure the most unfair and biased reporting possible.

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This day in... 2018

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