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Friday, January 18, 2019, 20:22 (UTC)
Weird Al removes 'Trapped in the Drive-Thru' from streaming services
UnNews:Weird Al removes 'Trapped in the Drive-Thru' from streaming services
Musical comedian and "Eat It" hitmaker "Weird Al" Yankovic is the latest artist to wash his hands of R. Kelly in the wake of disturbing allegations that have resurfaced due to the six-part Surviving R. Kelly documentary miniseries on Lifetime. Lady Gaga and Celine Dion have already removed their collaborations from streaming services, Gaga replacing hers with a version featuring Christina Aguilera. Yankovic is removing from streaming not a collaboration, but a parody of Kelly's grandiose 42-minute R&B opera, "Trapped in the Closet," entitled, "Trapped in the Drive-Thru."

Beto O'Rourke puts finishing touches on heartrending 2020 Presidential concession speech
UnNews:Beto O'Rourke puts finishing touches on heartrending 2020 Presidential concession speech
After his miraculous close loss against racist blob Ted Cruz, Democratic insiders are clamoring for Beto O'Rourke to run and almost-win against President Donald Trump in 2020. Beto joins an increasingly crowded pool of Democratic nominees—including Kamala Harris, Kirsten Gillibrand and Cory Booker—who are vying to be the candidate that loses, but still retains the moral high ground, against Donald Trump.
Sesame Street finally exploits the fact that it's on HBO
UnNews:Sesame Street finally exploits the fact that it's on HBO
HOLLYWOOD -- Sesame Street moved from PBS to HBO two years ago, and the iconic children's Muppet preschool show is finally taking advantage of the freedom offered by its new network.

On a recent episode, after light-blue Muppet Rosita suggests that "instead of holding the camera," she should move it around, Grover dropped an epic F-bomb. "That's a fucking excellent idea!"

This is the first Sesame Street episode to receive a TV-MA mature audience rating. All previous episodes were rated TV-Y, approved for young audiences.

This instance of profanity is the first of several changes that Sesame Workshop, formerly Children's Television Workshop, and HBO are making to the long-running puppet show.

Whirlpool Galaxy files restraining order against Neil deGrasse Tyson
UnNews:Whirlpool Galaxy files restraining order against Neil deGrasse Tyson
The Whirlpool Galaxy (Messier 51a), a gravitationally bound system of billions of stars located approximately 15-35 million light-years from Earth, has filed a restraining order against Neil deGrasse Tyson. Tyson, an astrophysicist and science educator, has been embroiled in controversy following several accusations of sexual misconduct, including an alleged rape that occurred during the 80's, a decade dedicated almost exclusively to rape. Messier 51a had already filed a criminal complaint against Tyson due to what the spiral galaxy described as "years of repeated, unwanted surveillance" and "telescoping stalking."
Republicans spite liberals with festive stimulus package
UnNews:Republicans spite liberals with festive stimulus package
With an incoming Democratic-lead House next month, the Trump Administration and the Republican Party have embraced the season of peace and harmony by proposing a festive two part economic stimulus initiative that will tackle progressive concerns such as climate change and homelessness, all the while growing the economy. However, critics have called this stimulus package less of a gift of goodwill and more of a white elephant gift exchange ultimately designed to "trigger the libs" by spiting them with their own causes.

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UnNews is a service of Uncyclopedia that spreads misinformation and cons the public into swallowing it hook-line-and-sinker (and worm), by guilefully making it resemble authentic news articles. UnNews stories use satire to ensure the most unfair and biased reporting possible.

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