WASHINGTON (Hannity) -- In a sit-down interview with Fox News's own Laura Ingraham, Our Dear LeaderDonald Trump has announced that Joe Biden, the ultra radical liberal leftie Commie who's going to defeat Trump in a November blowout in a rigged election or something, is being controlled by "people in the Dark Shadows."
Most everybody in Fox News's target audience is old enough to remember the 1960sGothicsoap operaDark Shadows. Not that ultra hippie liberal bullshit with Johnny Depp and that kook who directed Beetlejuice. I'm talking about the real Dark Shadows with Jonathan Frid and Joan Bennett. It was set in a huge Gothic castle with a vampire named Barnabas Collins.
WASHINGTON -- Longtime Trumpadviser liar and cheerleader KellyAnne Conway has announced that after a three-and-a-half-year tenure, she will be stepping away from politics. Similarly, husband George, who thinks Trump should kindly "fuck a cactus," will be stepping down from his anti-Trump PAC, The Lincoln Project.
"We're taking a hiatus from political life to focus on Family Matters," says George.
DUBLIN, Ireland -- UnNews is shocked and beyond saddened to report that iconic singer-songwriter Van Morrison's brain has died, just days short of his 75th birthday Monday. His brain's cause of death has been revealed to be right-wing ignorance towards COVID-19 safety guidelines.
Morrison's family knew something was wrong when he dismissed these guidelines as "pseudoscience" that should be fought and ignored. The often cantankerous (and often drunk) crooner is upset over adjusting his concerts to make them comply with COVID guidelines.
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