Babel:OW

Welcome to The House of Pomegranates, the collection of short stories that is intended neither for the British child nor the British public. Oscar Wilde has inspired us to work on 41,138 stories and plays since opening in January 2005. Before modifying any of Wilde's works, please read the snooty writing guidelines and homo-acceptance manual. Browse: Stories | Delightful People | Famous Quotes | Abnormal People | Quite Quaint | Coherent Oscar's Picks | Straight Index | Works in other Genres...

Another Oscar Wilde picture. From: Chastity is a calling higher than marriage, and spiritually more profitable.

Oscar's Chosen Article Act 1 – Is you is, or is you ain’t my baby? [It is Nazareth in the 10th year of Herod's reign, legionaries march through the streets, Pharisees oversee the moral instruction of the village while Sadducees search for a job description to let them know what they were meant to be doing. A council flat in a bad part of town.] [A bearded man in a sports robe and chunky chain fingers his sovereign ring anxiously. A woman sits watching television, calmly rolling a cigarette between fingers tattooed with the words LOVE and HATE.] Madonna: Quick, Joe. The executions are startin’ again, you're missin’ it. Joe: Don't care, reality TV sucks. Anyway, I don't like executions any more, when did we last see a decent stoning? It's the bloody Romans I blame, coming over here and straightening our roads. Madonna: Ah, don't let the crucifixions make you cross, Joe. There's bound to be a smiting on in a minute. Joe: It's not the crucifying, Madge. I’ve gotta go to bloody Bethlehem tomorrow and you know how I hate all those big city types. (Full article...) Recently featured: HowTo:Commit Tax Fraud by Giving Away Your Chocolate Factory Antipasta The Finals Fuck Around and Find Out Archive · Vote for featured articles · You can suggest articles for Oscar to read. More of Oscar's picks edit Why was I born with such contemporaries? December 29: National Russian Reversal Day 1348 - In Soviet Russia, anti-Semitic mob kills JEW!! 1926 - In Soviet Russia, television watches YOU!! 1945 - In Soviet Russia, World War II wins YOU!! 1955 - In Soviet Russia, married can get YOU!! 1956 - In Soviet Russia, the law has equal rights under YOU!! 1969 - In Soviet Russia, moon lands on YOU!! 1982 - In Soviet Russia, the last recorded bowel movement has YOU!! 2000 - In Soviet Russia, Y2K bugs YOU!! The history of the United Kingdom	edit The one duty we owe to history is to rewrite it. Don't ask what any of this has to do with Christmas. UnNews wishes to all users a merry December Holiday (Pictured) Dick Van Dyke is 100, bitches! ICE spotted stealing everyone's ice cream in America North Sentinelese discover fire, accidentally burn down entire island Elon Musk: "Cancel Netflix! I don't care if Max wakes up." 6 or 7 buildings burn in Hong Kong Labour approval hits record low during Starmer premiership, PM resorts to "getting down with the youth" The New York Yankees now fucking suck Russian ship shines annoying red laser pointer at British planes Ron DeSantis passes Florida bill allowing seniors to hunt zoomers for their skin and organs Russian economy on life support after barely growing in 3rd quarter The UK to ban the resale of tickets Bill passed in Pennsylvania to legalise flying cars because why the fuck not? Trump kills the penny after realizing spending four cents on a one cent coin doesn’t "make cents" Russian AI powered humanoid robot faceplants on stage in front of crowd Syrian National Museum gets robbed of six to seven Roman statues Cloudy windy Hurricane Melissa hits da Jamaica, mon! BOMBOCLAAT! Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Stranger Things 5 volume 2 and Spaceballs 2 • The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince • Rich New Yorkers fleeing Mamdanistan • Larry Sanger's war on Wikipedia • Non-Bears invading Tennessee • Indianapolis Colts dragging an old man out of retirement • Bills fans shitting themselves after seeing the New England Patriots win the AFC East Recent deaths: Doug Dimmadome • Zed's dead, baby (He was also the bad guy in The Mask) • Animal Farm • Kansas City Chiefs' season • Rob Reiner • Bowen Yang's tenure on SNL • Dallas Cowboys' season • Patrick Mahomes' backup's ACL Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • NYC's economy • Indianapolis Colts' and Baltimore Ravens' seasons • Weed • 67% of people trying to understand why 6 of 7 news stories mention "6-7" • The MetroCard • Dick van Dyke, eventually • 2025 Today in London edit It is a very sad thing that nowadays there is so little useless information, so did you know... From Uncyclopedia's playwrights: ... that the White House is really off-white? Read on
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This Month's Wit Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome! So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore. Let us all clap for him because I said so. Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage! Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls. Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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