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Ahhh. Long day of work over. Time to grab that big-ass bowl of vegetable beef barley soup in the fridge.
Bill, you better not have touched my soup again! Like that time you got so drunk you took a whiz in it. Twice. Come to think of it, it was shitty soup. That probably improved it. Not like this one.
Let's see, cake, milk, horse semen, ketchup, monkey, hair roller thingy, soup! Yes! My life is whole again!
Hold on...
Why is my hair roller in here?
Wait...
This horse semen tastes funny. Did you put your semen in here again, Bill?
Don't ask how I know what yours tastes like. We were drunk. Not my fault.
Just a minute...
WHY IS THERE A MONKEY IN MY FUCKING FRIDGE?!? (Full article...)
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DID U KNOE...
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- ... that Alexander isn't really that Great?
- ... that it is important to tune your Air Guitar constantly, as any dust particles that stick to the complicated arrangement of air will completely deform it?
- ... that I like cats, but could never eat a whole one?
- ... that you should accept Jesus Christ as your personal savior, today!
- ... that Obama's last name is [REDACTED]?
- ... that a Pie Chart is the most delicious way of visually conveying information?
- ... that while laughter is the best medicine, many cancer patients prefer chemotherapy?

- ... that a drummer is someone who hangs out with musicians?
- ... that reading this DYK suggestion just wasted 10 seconds of your life?
- ... that condoms prevent many sexually transmitted diseases, and at least one erection? Sorry Candace...
- ... that compromise is a great diplomatic tool? Although on an international level, a nuclear arsenal is even better?
- ...the Cleveland Indians were about to become the Cleveland Clevelands?
- ... that oxygen is a highly addictive drug, with 100% of all users becoming addicted with their first hit?
- ... that every single day, we breathe enough air to continue living?

- ... that sheep shrink when it rains?
- ... that Wikipedia founder Jimmy Wales lost his virginity at age 34, but he found it again at age 35?
- ... that women are more likely to have a vagina than men?
- ... tennis isn't just a game?
- ... that the dolphin is the only animal other than man that laughs at its own farts?
- ... that the light at the end of the tunnel is commonly reported to be a strobe light accented with techno?
- ... that the lawman/outlaw Wild Bill Hickok had one of the most celebrated mustaches in the Wild West?
- ... that Kilroy was here? (Pictured)
- ... that there's only a slight difference between you and me? (Pictured)
- ... that my girlfriend has herpes? Neither did I.
- ... that the only cure for the hiccups is an orgasm?
- ... that over 30 million Chinese peasants died in the Great Leap Forwards due to inadequate long-jump scores?
- ... that I let the dogs out, and you can't do a goddamn thing about it?
- ... that Drake the type of dingbat to believe everything he reads on Uncyclopedia?
- ... that you actually didn't know?
- ... that Godot isn't coming?

- ... that in 2001 George W. Bush passed the No Child Left Behind Act, which forbids soldiers in Iraq from leaving their children behind?
- ... that Boston Bruins goaltender Gerry Cheevers was one of the most feared hockey players in the so-called "stick to the groin" era?
- ... that rounding up sheep is easiest to the nearest ten?
- ... that you actually didn't know?
- ... that the bow-tie is an aphrodisiac worn by male humans which instantly increases the sexual appeal of the wearer by 16%?
- ... that if you were to stack up all the elephants on Earth, those elephants would die?
- ... that this is just a distraction while we take your car?
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