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There you are - forty-one years old, single, on your way home from work. It's been a long day. It's a Monday, or a Wednesday, and you've got plenty more days left just like this one. So to cheer yourself up, you stop at the local candy shop. You make your selection carefully. Pear drops, rhubarb and custard, the lovely little chocolate mice - whatever you like. You spend the loose change in your pocket and feel good about yourself. You leave the shop, delve your hand in the bag, and then...
You see them. They're coming. Your oh-so-friendly neighbour and her oh-so-evil son. How old is he? He's got to be at least 3, right? Why the hell is he still in a pushchair? Probably too fat to walk. And then you realise...
Quick, you think. Hide the candy. You try to stuff it in your pockets, but it's too late. You've drawn attention to yourself. The mother smiles - pity she's got a boyfriend - but her fat baby has noticed the little white bag. "Hello," he thinks, "I'll have some of that." With time running out, you swing the bag behind your back, but the mother notices. And now she's stopped! This is getting out of hand! (Full article...)
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DID U KNOE...
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- ... that Jesus loves you, but that's probably not enough to get to heaven?
- ... that Thomas Edison was arrested on charges of pornography following the release of his short film, Woman Whose Ankle is Partly Visible?
- ... that when it says "Do not try at home", it actually means "Do not try this at all"?
- ... that Boston Bruins goaltender Gerry Cheevers was one of the most feared hockey players in the so-called "stick to the groin" era?
- ...that Big Pharma wants to get you high?
- ...that Uncyclopedia regularly kills its editors mid-sent
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In the news
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Sly Stallone
(1946-Present)
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ON DIS DAI...
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| COLONIZASHUN OV TEH WEEK
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For the glory of her majesty
HALP US CLEAR TEH IVY OV CRAP,
AN PLANT TEH SEEDZ OV HUMOR.
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WRITR AN N00B OV TEH MONTH
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Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!
So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.
Let us all clap for him because I said so.
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UNCYCLOPEDIAS SISTR PROJECTZ
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| Uncyclopedia is hosted by the Uncyclomedia Foundation, a non-profitable organization that also hosts a range of other projects as well as some foreign language Uncyclopedias and Illogicopedia.
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UNCYCLOPEDIA LANGUAGEZ
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| This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains 40,187 articles. Uncyclopedias are being written in many languages, including Lolcat!:
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PROTECTD BY TEH FAIR USE CLAUSE, AN AN ELITE CLAN OV CLINJAS.
