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Orchids are a special family of temptress flowers that bloom around June, totally unlike conservative flowers with upstanding morals and family values. They have delicate bodies, slim stems, and deep orifices, with small follicles emanating from their lower inner region that open up once every 28 days or so to emit a rather fishy yet surprisingly fragrant scent in order to attract insects, which will invade their insides to help pollinate them.

Orchids are considered to be some of the most scrumptious flowers in the plant kingdom, and they are also utterly insatiable. No amount of pollination is enough. Whereas almost all other flowers would be satisfied with one insect pollinator per day, for Orchids, no amount of frequent diverse visitors is enough. They are so good at seduction, bumble bees are known to fight one another to the death in their attempt to mount the stamens of orchids and destroy their tall slender legs in the process. Only the strongest bees with the most cunning, deceptive, and charismatic qualities are able to beat other bees during the frenzied orchid mating season. (Full article...)

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DID U KNOE...

... that video games have been linked to aggressive behavior in teenagers? (Pictured)

... that the Washington Niggers (Pictured) are set to change their name?

... that everything will become nostalgic due to everything being worse?
... that still lifes are the most interesting paintings?
... You can do anything with creativity, determination, and the exploitation of the working class?
... that I get knocked down, but I get up again, and you're never gonna keep me down?
... that my girlfriend has herpes? Neither did I.
... that the sound of a kitten falling into a wood chipper is still more pleasant than listening to Kidz Bop?
... that dihydrogen monoxide can kill you, specially if you breathe it?

... that What's-his-name off that thing (Pictured) was in that film with that other dude?

... the muffin man?
... that reading this DYK suggestion just wasted 10 seconds of your life?
... that Martin Van Buren is a total dick and nobody likes him?
... that there is one imposter among us?
... that Jimmy Mozzarella is pissing in your closet?
... that originally, Hell was an acronym for "Happiness, Euphoria, and Lively Laughter?"
... that the light at the end of the tunnel is commonly reported to be a strobe light accented with techno?

... that the Gay Agenda is out to get you? (Pictured)

... that the only way the bible could have more holes is if it were written on Jesus's skin?
... that at some point, hanging in there just makes you look like an even bigger loser?
... that it's probably not the weekend (The chance is 5/7)?
... that if you die in Canada, you die in real life?
... that reading this DYK suggestion just wasted 10 seconds of your life?
... that the United States presidential election of 1948 saw the overwhelming defeat of then-President Harry S. Truman at the hands of Thomas Dewey, the Republican governor of New York and former partner in the law firm, Dewey, Cheatem & Howe?
... that you should accept Jesus Christ as your personal savior, today!

... that the Southern United States is well-known for its "Southern Hospitality"? (Pictured)

... that 98% of Americans have no idea what they would do in a hypothetical situation?
... that Karen is a female given name meaning "she who wants to see the manager"?
... that the universe is made up of protons, electrons, neutrons and morons?
... that Phonics (pronounced Pa-hon-iks.) is one of the deadliest and most addictive drugs on the streets? It is said to get children "hooked" in four weeks or your money back.
... that within a few weeks of being held in captivity dolphins are able to train humans to stand at the side of a pool and throw them fish?
... that the bow-tie is an aphrodisiac worn by male humans which instantly increases the sexual appeal of the wearer by 16%?
... that the populations of many endangered species can be increased with a simple Wikipedia edit?

... if you are right brained or left brained? (Pictured)

... that Ram Ranch really rocks?
... that Earth, Wind & Fire have produced a multi-season autobiography?
... that Drake the type of dingbat to believe everything he reads on Uncyclopedia?
... that you have probably broken at least three of the Ten Commandments just by visiting this website?
... that this is why we can't have nice things?
... that vaccinations and computer games combined make a deadly cocktail for autism?
... that I think you know what's happening today?

... that Pennywise the Clown wants to entertain you? (Pictured)

... that Rihanna's hit song Umbrella can cause rain to fall upwards?
... that there is a simple, easy solution to the fact that you cannot understand the foreigners who are sitting next to you?
... that the national pastime of Palestine is Stone the Israeli Tank?
... that apparently, this Charles Norris fellow is quite the ruffian?
... that telling someone you masturbated to their Facebook picture is frowned upon in society?
... that "Rosebud" was his sled? Oh wait, everyone knew that.
... that you can always pay your credit card bills using your credit card?

TEH ARCHIV – SUGGEST NEW ENTRIEZ

In the news
World shocked as Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the bucket (Pictured) Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize Iran kept barely alive by Cardboard Ayatollah Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Donald Trump *still really, really* wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • ~~War~~ Special Combat Operation in Iran • Saturn Awards • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed • Impossibly long lines at American airports Recent deaths: Miami Dolphins, twice • That guy from Boston, not the city, but the band, from the city • Chuck Norris doesn't die, he goes to Hell to regroup • Buffy • Xander Harris • Robert Mueller Upcoming deaths: Dancin' Maduro • Iran • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons • Streetsigns with Cesar Chavez's name • TSA agents' bank accounts and sanity UNNEWS – RADIO FREE LUNCH**
ON DIS DAI...
March 24: International Do-It-Yourself Day 1857 - Oscar Wilde pens his story The Soul of Man under Socialism while under something else. 1943 - Jackson Pollock unveils his long-awaited third exhibition, featuring the classic Angsty Orange Tiger. 1964 - The ping pong incident occurs at my high school, and will torment me for over forty years until my son avenges me. 1991 - The first child is admitted to the hospital for Phonics addiction in the beginning of a nation-wide pandemic, resulting in thousands of kids becoming 'hooked'. 1994 - Kitty porn makes its first appearance on the primitive internet. 2007 - The first human trials of Neuroipods suffer drawbacks when a vast majority of test subjects contract iEllepsy. 2010 - Sarah Palin kicks off the first annual Alaskan Sasquatch Appreciation Day. VIEW 2MORROW – MOAR ANNIVERSARIEZ...
COLONIZASHUN OV TEH WEEK
For the glory of her majesty HALP US CLEAR TEH IVY OV CRAP, AN PLANT TEH SEEDZ OV HUMOR.

TODAIS FEATURD PICCHUR

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RESENT ARTICLEZ

WRITR AN N00B OV TEH MONTH

Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.

Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!

Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.

Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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Uncyclopedia is hosted by the Uncyclomedia Foundation, a non-profitable organization that also hosts a range of other projects as well as some foreign language Uncyclopedias and Illogicopedia.

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UNCYCLOPEDIA LANGUAGEZ

This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains 40,978 articles. Uncyclopedias are being written in many languages, including Klingon!:

	Uncyclopedia English United States 40,978	Desciclopédia Português Brazil 50785	アンサイクロペディア日本語 Japan 19194	Nonsensopedia Polski Poland 17766	Nonciclopedia Italiano Italy 14423
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Pagecount statistics listed above were updated on November 1, 2016.

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	Desgalipedia Galego Galicia 5009	Oisquipèdia Occitan Occitania 33	Necyclopædia Latina Vatican City 279	Hatsiklopedia Malagasy Madagascar 8	Zombiepedia Zombie Chapel 7
Pagecount statistics listed above were updated on November 1, 2016.