Babel:Lolcat

TEH CONTENT-FREE ENCYCLOPEDIA DAT ANY1 CAN EDIT.

40,965 articles in English

BEGINNERS GUIDE · TEH HOOJ 5 · STYLE · QUESHUNS · HALP · DONASHUNS

KATEGORIEZ · FEATURD CONTENT · A-Z INDEX

Good evening crew of the RMS Titanic. My name is Scuttlebutt, Sidney Scuttlebutt. I am the head of the exterior furniture section on this ship. My job is to provide deckchairs for the comfort of all First Class and Second Class passengers. Third Class passengers are not entitled to deckchairs so you will not need to show them how they work.

This may be the Titanic's maiden voyage but I am already a professional at the art of deckchair maintenance as I have worked on the Titanic's sister ship RMS Olympic. I believe a carefully prepared deckchair with the option of a blanket and cushion is essential if travellers want to take in the cold April air of 1912. So I will now demonstrate what we do.

What was that? You want to know more about the lifeboats? We can talk about that tomorrow. Those boats are to rescue people at sea, not the people here as this ship is unsinkable, made of steel that is light enough to float. There is no need to be worried. For those who really want to learn more about lifeboats, I understand Captain Smith will be holding a class tomorrow. (Full article...)

Recently featured:

Archive · Vote for featured articles · Purge

Featured today, a long long time ago
	An image built one pixel at a time, featured on 14 March 2025: Featured version UnNews:New Florida bill would abolish all pronouns, featured on 14 March 2023: Featured version

DID U KNOE...

... that you can meet all sorts of interesting people when you're drunk? (Pictured)

... that Nelson Mandela (Pictured) was a cunt?

... that being safe with guns is- *BANG*
... that the only way the bible could have more holes is if it were written on Jesus's skin?
... that your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory?
... that no true Scotsman sugars his porridge, while every true Irishman does?
... that a bomb shelter is the safest place to hide explosives?
... that if you put an ear up to a person's leg you can hear them say, "What the fuck are you doing?"
... that making a band usually involves frantically begging family and strangers to join?

... that Malcom X absolutely loved Kentucky Fried Chicken? (Pictured)

... that 98% of Americans have no idea what they would do in a hypothetical situation?
... that... uh, shit, I forgot what I was gonna say.
... that you can get great deals on Vietnamese clothing imports if you buy now?
... that Big Pharma wants to get you high?
... that at some point, hanging in there just makes you look like an even bigger loser?
... that condoms prevent many sexually transmitted diseases, and at least one erection? Sorry Candace...
... that if you die in Canada, you die in real life?

... that I'm secretly looking for Nazi Gold right now? (Pictured)

... that there are at least three other businesses like show business?
... that the Byzantine Empire is pretty much the same as the Roman Empire, only not as cool?
... about Alliteration articulating an artistic approach aimed at annotating and arranging alphabetic accouterments as alarmingly asinine alignments?
... that Jesus loves you, but that's probably not enough to get to heaven?
... that the handgun is one of the most pitiful guns you can find, seeing as it's part of your hand?
... that Uncyclopedia regularly kills its editors mid-sent
... that nobody asked?

... that there's only one word in the vocabulary of a customer service representative? (Pictured)

... the muffin man?
... that there is one imposter among us?
... that not all πr². There are also many π that r rounded?
... that torture is better to give than to receive?
... that existing is highly dangerous, and should not be performed unless you are competent enough to understand how to perform it?
... that the packets of silica gel that say "DO NOT EAT" are actually delicious?
... that Boston Bruins goaltender Gerry Cheevers was one of the most feared hockey players in the so-called "stick to the groin" era?

... I could absolutely kill for something to eat right now? (Pictured)

... that St. Peter's Basilica is a large reptilian creature with breath of fire and a gaze that can turn people into stone?
... that this is why we can't have nice things?
... that you're more likely to get struck by lightning twice than to discard an irrational fear based on a statistic like this one?
... that midget cockpunching terrorists are a threat to the US and her allies?
... that creating an account comes with a 50% higher chance of leaving of Uncycloland alive?
... that 5/3 people cannot do fractions?
... that the A-bombs dropped on Japan were awarded the Nobel Peace Prize?

... that President Hoover (Pictured) was an actual hoover?

... that Uncyclopedia regularly kills its editors mid-sent
... you're so fat, that if you don't stop, within a month you're gonna have a heart attack or stroke?
... that the lawman/outlaw Wild Bill Hickok had one of the most celebrated mustaches in the Wild West?
... that creating an account comes with a 50% higher chance of leaving of Uncycloland alive?
... that people residing or visiting Canada often ask themselves, "Why am I in Canada?"
...Jacking off to more exotic fetishes doesn't make you special?
... that to the untrained ear, John Aglethorpe's Ode to the Monotony of Life may simply sound like one continuous, monotonous tone, but the song is actually composed mostly of alterations between the A sharp and B flat notes tied together?

TEH ARCHIV – SUGGEST NEW ENTRIEZ

In the news
Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize (Pictured) Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Donald Trump *still really, really* wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • ~~War~~ Special Combat Operation in Iran • Winter Paralympics • Saturn Awards • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed Recent deaths: Warner Bros. bidding war • Neil Sedaka • Ali Khamenei • Team Italy sled hockey • Miami Dolphins • That guy from Boston. The band, not the city. But isn't the band from the city? Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • Weed • Dancin' Maduro • Iran • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons UNNEWS – RADIO FREE LUNCH**
ON DIS DAI...
March 14: American π Day 27 AD - Greeks fight valiantly against Russell Crowe in a vast gladiatorial event to define π as the ratio of the circumference of a circle divided by its radius. 435 AD - Pope Sixtus III denouces π, claiming it to be the work of Satan, as a number which never ends seems too cruel for a loving God to have made. 1603 - "American" Apple pie actually invented by the Aztecs, used as aphrodisiac. 1707 - The Physics Act of 1707 defines π to be 22/7, which scientists of the era proclaim as close enough. 1891 - The pie chart is first invented, sadly, the original prototype has long since been eaten. Future pie charts are now inedible. 2004 - The day Krabs fries 2005 - The Kansas Board of Education restores pi to its traditional value of three and a bit, stating, "Certain features of the universe are best explained by an intelligent cause, not an undirected process such as mathematics." 2020 - A resident of New York City passes away after contracting the π virus. VIEW 2MORROW – MOAR ANNIVERSARIEZ...
COLONIZASHUN OV TEH WEEK
For the glory of her majesty HALP US CLEAR TEH IVY OV CRAP, AN PLANT TEH SEEDZ OV HUMOR.

TODAIS FEATURD PICCHUR

A screenshot of MS Paint, an image manipulation program.

Image credit: Nonymous
View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images

edit
RESENT ARTICLEZ

WRITR AN N00B OV TEH MONTH

Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.

Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!

Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.

Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

UNCYCLOPEDIAS SISTR PROJECTZ

Uncyclopedia is hosted by the Uncyclomedia Foundation, a non-profitable organization that also hosts a range of other projects as well as some foreign language Uncyclopedias and Illogicopedia.

UnNews
News on crack
Uncyclopedia
The content-free encyclopedia
Undictionary
Best left unsaid
UnTunes
Noisy things
UnGames
Ways to waste away
HowTo
Like Ikea without the pictures
UnBooks
Content-free books
Unquotable
Useless misquotes
Uncycloversity
No student loans
UnPoetia
Dreams deferred
UnDebate
Debate the irrelevant
UnScripts
We ruin stage too
Why?
Because
UnReviews
Hack frauds
UnVoyage
Armchair travel
Uncyclomedia
The Foundation

UNCYCLOPEDIA LANGUAGEZ

This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains 40,965 articles. Uncyclopedias are being written in many languages, including English!:

	Uncyclopedia English United States 40,965	Desciclopédia Português Brazil 50785	アンサイクロペディア日本語 Japan 19194	Nonsensopedia Polski Poland 17766	Nonciclopedia Italiano Italy 14423
	Désencyclopédie Français France 8936	Inciclopedia Español Spain 12400	偽基百科正體中文 Taiwan 6417	Uncyclopedia.de Deutsch Germany 6330	Hikipedia Suomi Finland 7300
Pagecount statistics listed above were updated on November 1, 2016.

Other Uncyclopedias

	백괴사전 한국어 South Korea 6303	ไร้สาระนุกรม ไทย Thailand 3132	Pekepedia Tagalog Philippines 275	Bodohpedia Bahasa Melayu Malaysia 105	伪基百科汉语 China 8269
	איןציקלופדיה עברית Israel 2187	קיינציקלאָפעדיע יידיש Yiddish 46	Tolololpedia Bahasa Indonesia Indonesia 6054	Ikkepedia Norsk Norway 4563	Ikkjepedia Norsk (nynorsk) Norway
	Yansiklopedi Türkçe Turkey 762	اللاموسوعة العربية Iraq 976	نانشنامه فارسی Iran 943	ანციკლ ოპედია ქართული Georgia 4	Uncyclopedia.km ភាសាខ្មែរ Cambodia 1
	Spademanns Leksikon Dansk Denmark 9095	Psyklopedin Svenska Sweden 2497	Անգրագ իտարան Հայերեն Armenia 4	ວິກິພີເດຍ ລາວ Laos 8	আনসাইক্ল োপিডিয়া বাংলা Bangladesh 17
	Φρικηπαίδεια Ελληνικά Greece 2812	Celwyddoniadur Cymraeg Wales 103	Scotypedia Scots Scotland 10	Frithchiclipéid Gaeilge Ireland 19	Kengencyclopedia Lëtzebuergesch Luxembourg 7
	Нециклопедија Српски Serbia 456	Neciklopedija Bosanski Bosnia 27	Neciklopediju Hrvatski Croatia 303	Butalopedija Slovenščina Slovenia 31	Википедија Македонски Macedonia 175
	Oncyclopedia Nederlands Belgium and Holland 2807	Kwatsjpedia Limburgs Limburgs 21	Necyklopedie Česky Czech Republic 3530	Necyklopedia Slovenčina Slovakia 1888	Unciklopédia Magyar Hungary 1731
	Оксипедия Български Bulgaria 234	Neciclopedie Română Romania 167	Uichipedia Молдовеняскэ Moldova 4	Інциклопедія Українська Ukraine 1117	Абсурдопедия Русский Russia 4466
	Ebatsüklopeedia Eesti Estonia 96	Neciklopēdija Latviešu Latvia 159	Juokopedija Lietuvių Lithuania 267	Neciklopedio Esperanto Esperanto 3176	Unsaiklopedia 𐌲𐌿𐍄𐌹𐍃𐌺‬ Goths 14
	Desgalipedia Galego Galicia 5009	Oisquipèdia Occitan Occitania 33	Necyclopædia Latina Vatican City 279	Hatsiklopedia Malagasy Madagascar 8	Zombiepedia Zombie Chapel 7
Pagecount statistics listed above were updated on November 1, 2016.