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Ah, yes, hamsters. Known for absolutely nothing except for dying in the weirdest ways possible. Be honest, how many hamsters have you seen die peacefully? That's right, none. And if you answered something other than that, you're living in the Matrix. Known for stuffing their fat faces with anything remotely edible, eating their babies, living in your walls, escaping through the smallest holes in their cages possible, eating their babies, being fat, dying in the most ridiculous ways possible, eating their babies, and eating their babies.
Did I mention eating their babies? That's pretty important. (Full article...)
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DID U KNOE...
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- ... that 10 minutes of Super Bowl XLIII was mysteriously interrupted? (Pictured)
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In the news
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"It's for the children's own good!"
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ON DIS DAI...
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August 16: Kansai Day ( Japan)
- 70,000,000 B.C. - First Gozan Okuribi festival (meaning "bloody great flaming kanji") held in Kyoto.
- 40,000 B.C. - Takoyaki invented.
- 1950 - Kyoto, Osaka and Kobe form the Keihanshin conglomerate after being liberated from their evil oppressors.
- 1973 - Kansai officially enters the Kaiju League of Japan with two contestants (Entei and Glico Man)
- 1984 - Governor of Tokyo makes stealth attacks on Kansai under the alias The Monster with 21 Faces.
- 2007 - Osaka scientists find out how to make a robot that solves a Rubik's Cube. World breathes sigh of relief.
- 2200 - Kansai secedes from the rest of Japan. Chugoku, Shikoku, and Kyushu shortly follow. This leads to the Tozaikan War.
- 2207 - Kansai wins the Tozaikan War by planting proximity takoyaki around Tokyo. Kanto surrenders on November 1 of the same year.
- 3000 - Osaka declared capital of the world.
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COLONIZASHUN OV TEH WEEK
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For the glory of her majesty HALP US CLEAR TEH IVY OV CRAP, AN PLANT TEH SEEDZ OV HUMOR.
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WRITR AN N00B OV TEH MONTH
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Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!
So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.
Let us all clap for him because I said so.
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