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MOUNT OLYMPUS, Greece -- Zeus, the mighty Grecian god of thunder, lightning and extramarital affairs joined other deities Monday with his own endorsement for the Republican Presidential candidacy: Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Zeus’ backing of Schwarzenegger comes right on the heels of Jehovah, the Judeo-Christian god’s own muddled and ineffectual backings of Michele Bachmann, Rick Santorum, Rick Perry, Tim Pawlenty and virtually every other Republican office-seeker except Mike Huckabee.
“Though Zeus hasn’t been involved in earthly politics since his support of King Agamemnon during the Trojan War, his endorsement is nonetheless a massive boost to Schwarzenegger’s Presidential bid,” said a prominent Washington political analyst. “This, of course, is in stark contrast to Jehovah’s disastrous string of endorsements, which have done far more harm than good to the weak Republican field of candidates. Not only has Jehovah’s judgment been called into question, but the candidates themselves are beginning to lose credibility. People, for instance, are coming dangerously close to not taking Michele Bachmann seriously.” (Full article...)
Featured today, a long long time ago
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DID U KNOE...
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In the news
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All taxes, all vape, all Rayner.
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ON DIS DAI...
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September 6: Let's Enjoy A Glass Of Blue Lemonade Day
- 394 - The Christian Roman Emperor Theodosius I defeats and kills the pagan usurper Eugenius at the Battle of the Frigidaire for drinking all of his Blue Lemonade.
- 1939 - South Africa declares war against Germany as an excuse to send all of their black people away.
- 1976 - The lemon becomes extinct.
- 1978 - Blue Lemonade becomes popular.
- 1982 - Blue Lemonade found to cause cancer
- 1983 - The government apologises for the cancer scare, saying that Blue Lemonade does, in actual fact, cause tuburculosis, and not cancer.
- 1999 - Study attributes large penis size in black men to intake of Blue Lemonade. Blue lemonade sales increase 300%.
- 2000 - Study determined to be only a sales tactic as black men only consume orange drink.
- 2002 - Monsanto claims intellectual propierty over Blue Lemonade. Third world Blue Lemonade producers are taken out of business.
- 2004 - Philip Seymour Hoffman becomes the first known human being to pee Blue Lemonade.
- 2006 - The Infamous Flying Horse, Pegasus is arrested and brought to jail on counts of theft and arsony of Blue Lemonade.
- 9785 - Blue lemonade allies with the Pope to destroy the universe. Earth catches fire. Someone sends this message into the past, in the form of an insane baby. No-one listens.
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| COLONIZASHUN OV TEH WEEK
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For the glory of her majesty
HALP US CLEAR TEH IVY OV CRAP,
AN PLANT TEH SEEDZ OV HUMOR.
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WRITR AN N00B OV TEH MONTH
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Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!
So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.
Let us all clap for him because I said so.
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