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Archaeology, or archæology (from Αρχαίος, nobody cares, and Λογος, the study of not caring) is the study of really really old stuff. Many people confuse archaeology with archeology due to the almost identical spelling and the fact that they mean the same thing. While seemingly pointless, archaeologists assert that we can learn lots of new things by looking at old things, despite the immediate logical impossibilities. Most archaeologists are full of theories with their "carbon dating" witchcraft. As Archaeology for Kids! host Bryan Williamson once said, "I mean, carbon atoms don't have sex, do they? Why should they date then if they can't do anything freaky with electrons in the privacy of a high speed collision chamber? Ok now I have got that off my chest, I will return to imagining how dead people once lived."
The first reported archaeologist was a king of Babylonia called Nabonidus in the 6th century B.C. He was so keen at preserving old buildings that he neglected to look after his country and was overthrown by Cyrus the Great of Persia. Modern historians, who are to archaeologists as strippers are to losers, know this to be true as Nabonidus's discarded monogrammed shorts and trowel were found embedded in ancient ruins that belonged to civilisations much older than his. (Full article...)
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DID U KNOE...
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- ... that Pope Francis (Pictured) played football for Argentina?
- ... that I just had sex, and hey do you got any napkins?
- ... that if Mommy is willing to lie about a freaky old dude who sneaks into children's bedrooms in the middle of the night to eat your cookies and drink your milk, she'll no doubt be willing to deceive you about everything else?
- ... that there is no other word for thesaurus?
- ... that when a grizzly bear becomes excited sexually it is known as a jizzly bear?
- ... that you... you should have gone for my head? Oh Snap!
- ... that many children in third world countries don't have enough to eat, but most have access to the Food Network?
- ... that the Red Baron, in addition to being the deadliest ace fighter pilot of World War I, traveled through time?
 - ... that Stupendous Tropical Meningitis Vaccination A, the sister drug to Stupendous Tropical Meningitis Vaccination B, is very effective against Stupendous Tropical Meningitis?
- ... that the bow-tie is an aphrodisiac worn by male humans which instantly increases the sexual appeal of the wearer by 16%?
- ... that if Mommy is willing to lie about a freaky old dude who sneaks into children's bedrooms in the middle of the night to eat your cookies and drink your milk, she'll no doubt be willing to deceive you about everything else?
- ... that I am writing this from beyond the grave?
- ... that back in my day, we didn't have no fancy Did you know sections on our wikis? We had to get all of our factoids from the library, like decent folk! And after we walked there barefoot across three counties 'cause bicycles hadn't been invented yet, we had to teach ourselves how to read the books - none of that fancy free-contents education you kids're all on about...
- ... that abstinence is only 99.999% effective?
- ... that hitting your kids may be beneficial to their health, or at the very least amusing to you?
 - ... that male and female giraffes have been banned from living together in the New York City Zoo since 1975? (Pictured)
- ... that there's only a slight difference between you and me? (Pictured)
- ... that in Spanish, "¡Chinga tu madre, cabrón!" means "Have a nice day"? Tell your friends!
- ... that it takes a great amount of sexual commitment to get a computer turned on, but once your computer is properly aroused, it can offer you some of the greatest sexual thrills you may ever experience?
- ... that Afghanistan is known for its lush dirt farms, where dirt and dust are cultivated by villagers to enhance the scenic emptiness for which the region is known?
- ... that less than 10% of the world's cactus population contains gold inside?
- ... that ten out of ten cigarette manufacturers agree that Cancer is great?
- ... that condoms prevent many sexually transmitted diseases, and at least one erection? Sorry Candace...
- ... that the square root of 69 is 8 something?
- ... that I'm secretly looking for Nazi Gold right now? (Pictured)
- ... that torture is better to give than to receive?
- ... that school is an asylum where they mentally and physically abuse you for seven cruel hours, all with your parents' approval?
- ... that it is important to tune your Air Guitar constantly, as any dust particles that stick to the complicated arrangement of air will completely deform it?
- ... that a chicken-proof lawn is impeckable?
- ... that making drugs explode in your stomach is not a good way to make yourself smarter?
- ... that virgins are actually alien beings with zero sex organs, and reproduce via telekinesis?
- ... that there is no other word for thesaurus?
 - ... that Earth is the best planet in the world?
- ... that the sound of a kitten falling into a wood chipper is still more pleasant than listening to Kidz Bop?
- ... that an umbrella is a magical object that is used in many cultures to discourage rainfall?
- ... that the amazing sensation of excruciatingly warm liquid on the genitals is just one of many reasons to pour boiling hot water down your trousers?
- ... that school is an asylum where they mentally and physically abuse you for seven cruel hours, all with your parents' approval?
- ... that you just lost the Game?
- ... that the fictional droid C-3PO is fluent in over six million forms of communication, but only four of them are love?
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In the news
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ON DIS DAI...
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March 18: World Happiness Day
- 51,000 BC - World Happiness Day is declared with a series of rhythmic grunts when two homo erecti discover fire.
- 1906 - Pope declares suicide a mortal sin, worse than butt sex, watching anime and murder.
- 1953 - Senator Joseph McCarthy briefly bans Kitten Huffing, but later retracts said decree, claiming he "was high off [his] ass."
- 1954 - Scientists fist discover the Moon, they later find out it wasn't really the Moon they discovered, but the Sun.
- 1985 - Australia's version of EastEnders premieres to the public, however, it made Aussies more happier than expected.
- 1993 - The Sun tells scientists it and earth should "Just be friends," the sun promises to call every few weeks.
- 2008 - After numerous requests by the American public, God finally damns It, It is never found.
- 2016 - A rerun of the smash hit TV show Full House is shown around the world, millions kill themselves, unable to stand the torture.
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| COLONIZASHUN OV TEH WEEK
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For the glory of her majesty
HALP US CLEAR TEH IVY OV CRAP,
AN PLANT TEH SEEDZ OV HUMOR.
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