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Orchids are a special family of temptress flowers that bloom around June, totally unlike conservative flowers with upstanding morals and family values. They have delicate bodies, slim stems, and deep orifices, with small follicles emanating from their lower inner region that open up once every 28 days or so to emit a rather fishy yet surprisingly fragrant scent in order to attract insects, which will invade their insides to help pollinate them.

Orchids are considered to be some of the most scrumptious flowers in the plant kingdom, and they are also utterly insatiable. No amount of pollination is enough. Whereas almost all other flowers would be satisfied with one insect pollinator per day, for Orchids, no amount of frequent diverse visitors is enough. They are so good at seduction, bumble bees are known to fight one another to the death in their attempt to mount the stamens of orchids and destroy their tall slender legs in the process. Only the strongest bees with the most cunning, deceptive, and charismatic qualities are able to beat other bees during the frenzied orchid mating season. (Full article...)

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DID U KNOE...

... that Angelina Jolie took method acting to the extreme to play the role of Slim in A Bug's Life? (Pictured)

... that you can meet all sorts of interesting people when you're drunk? (Pictured)

...Funkytown was a Scientology commune in the 60s?
... that the Welsh language was created when someone fell asleep on a keyboard?
... that homeopathic solutions are an effective treatment for thirst?
... that we must nuke the whales, or the hippies will win?
... that Richard Nixon was well-known for his honesty and often referred to as Honest Dick?
... that while Pong! the Movie followed suit with the wildly popular video game genre, such as The Super Mario Bros. movie and Resident Evil, it did not play out as well in the box offices?
... that you actually didn't know?

... that while I have no idea what this means, all I know is that I just lost my life savings while some other guy just bought his fifth yacht? (Pictured)

... that Oscar Mayer has a way with B-O-L-O-G-N-A?
... that if you poke a whale in the tummy it will giggle like a schoolgirl?
... that I just had sex, and hey do you got any napkins?
... that the populations of many endangered species can be increased with a simple Wikipedia edit?
... that if you say peacock, no one bats an eye, but if you say poop cock, everyone blows their minds?
... that Heaven has met its quota, and your dead granny has just been waitlisted?
... that Kitten Huffing is a popular, though controversial, alternative to street drugs such as skag and crank?

... that Joseph Stalin (Pictured) is the the real Man of Steel?

... that 98% of Americans have no idea what they would do in a hypothetical situation?
... that sex in the ear canal is called CANAL (pronounced like anal but with a C in the beginning)?
... that the American Civil War was actually marked by many instances of uncivil behavior?
... that this in not a DYK entry?
... that there is one imposter among us?
... that Deus ex machina is Latin for "cop out"?
... that 5/3 people cannot do fractions?

... that AMC's hit series Breaking Bad Wind (Pictured) featured the actors' real farts?

... that Flying Spaghetti Monsterism is the world's most intelligent and fastest-growing religion?
... You can do anything with creativity, determination, and the exploitation of the working class?
... that Uncyclopedia regularly kills its editors mid-sent
... that there is a pipe bomb placed in your mailbox?
... that if you were to stack up all the elephants on Earth, those elephants would die?
... that Elon Musk plots to monetarily obtain Madagascar for the industrialization of Tesla manufacturing plants, alongside having it renamed "Mada-electric-car"?
... that this sentence is incomple

... that John Travolta (Pictured) isn't gay?

... that there is no other word for thesaurus?
... that there's a tunnel under Ocean Blvd?
... that Kitten Huffing is a popular, though controversial, alternative to street drugs such as skag and crank?
... that we must nuke the whales, or the hippies will win?
... that Crow war chieftain Old White Man was nothing like his brothers, Walks Over Eggshells and Sees No Color?
... that you're more likely to get struck by lightning twice than to discard an irrational fear based on a statistic like this one?
... that Joe Biden stepped in dog shit?

... that the Gay Agenda is out to get you? (Pictured)

... that if you breed a Bulldog and a Shih Tzu; you will get a Bullshit?
... that it's probably not the weekend (The chance is 5/7)?
... that spambots suffer from constant self-doubt and low self esteem? They have feelings too you know.
... that Crow war chieftain Old White Man was nothing like his brothers, Walks Over Eggshells and Sees No Color?
... you're so fat, that if you don't stop, within a month you're gonna have a heart attack or stroke?
... that en passant is actually French for "inventing new rules as you go along?"
... that rounding up sheep is easiest to the nearest ten?

TEH ARCHIV – SUGGEST NEW ENTRIEZ

In the news
World shocked as Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the bucket (Pictured) Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize Iran kept barely alive by Cardboard Ayatollah Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Donald Trump *still really, really* wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • ~~War~~ Special Combat Operation in Iran • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed • Impossibly long lines at American airports Recent deaths: That guy from Boston, not the city, but the band, from the city • Chuck Norris doesn't die, he goes to Hell to regroup • Buffy • Xander Harris • Robert Mueller • Transgender self-identity in India Upcoming deaths: Iran • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons • Streetsigns with Cesar Chavez's name • TSA agents' bank accounts and sanity • Sora UNNEWS – RADIO FREE LUNCH**
ON DIS DAI...
March 26: Fast Food Day (U.S.) 1845 - Fast food, then called fasting from food, is invented in Ireland: millions starve due to new trend. 1940 - First McDonald's restaurant opens in San Bernardino, California, life expectancy drops to levels unseen since the Civil War. 1965 - Fox in Socks, the first depiction of a modern-day rap battle, is published by Dr. Seuss. 1994 - After complaints from vegans, McDonald's switches from beef fat to vegetable oil for their fries, vegans celebrate, give money to company that kills millions of cows. 1997 - Someone orders an iced coffee from Starbucks, destroys the economies of three South American countries. 2011 - McDonald's attempts to make Happy Meals healthier, billions of apple slices rot inside their teeny plastic bags. 2016 - New FCC regulations on misleading advertising forces Carl's Jr. to release new 30 second ad of a fat man crying, alone. 2018 - Wendy's delivers epic clapback against dumb bitch on twitter with sesame seed allergy. VIEW 2MORROW – MOAR ANNIVERSARIEZ...
COLONIZASHUN OV TEH WEEK
For the glory of her majesty HALP US CLEAR TEH IVY OV CRAP, AN PLANT TEH SEEDZ OV HUMOR.

TODAIS FEATURD PICCHUR

The future of proctology isn't in your hands, your hands are in it.

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RESENT ARTICLEZ

WRITR AN N00B OV TEH MONTH

Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.

Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!

Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.

Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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Uncyclopedia is hosted by the Uncyclomedia Foundation, a non-profitable organization that also hosts a range of other projects as well as some foreign language Uncyclopedias and Illogicopedia.

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News on crack
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The content-free encyclopedia
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Debate the irrelevant
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UNCYCLOPEDIA LANGUAGEZ

This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains 40,959 articles. Uncyclopedias are being written in many languages, including Chinese!:

	Uncyclopedia English United States 40,959	Desciclopédia Português Brazil 50785	アンサイクロペディア日本語 Japan 19194	Nonsensopedia Polski Poland 17766	Nonciclopedia Italiano Italy 14423
	Désencyclopédie Français France 8936	Inciclopedia Español Spain 12400	偽基百科正體中文 Taiwan 6417	Uncyclopedia.de Deutsch Germany 6330	Hikipedia Suomi Finland 7300
Pagecount statistics listed above were updated on November 1, 2016.

Other Uncyclopedias

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	Ebatsüklopeedia Eesti Estonia 96	Neciklopēdija Latviešu Latvia 159	Juokopedija Lietuvių Lithuania 267	Neciklopedio Esperanto Esperanto 3176	Unsaiklopedia 𐌲𐌿𐍄𐌹𐍃𐌺‬ Goths 14
	Desgalipedia Galego Galicia 5009	Oisquipèdia Occitan Occitania 33	Necyclopædia Latina Vatican City 279	Hatsiklopedia Malagasy Madagascar 8	Zombiepedia Zombie Chapel 7
Pagecount statistics listed above were updated on November 1, 2016.