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Mathematics (from Greek άθημα máthēma, “knowledge, study, learning”) is the systematic torture of students disguised as the study of quantity, structure, space, and change. Mathematicians seek out patterns and formulate new conjectures, trying to make sense of the universe by examining these abstract concepts, determining common traits, and then experimenting to see if this advanced knowledge will help them get women into bed. These conjectures are often faulty, and this subsequent failure is referred to as mathematical proof.

Galileo Galilei (1564–1642) said, "The universe cannot be read until we have learned the language and become familiar with the characters in which it is written. It is written in mathematical language... Without these, one is wandering about in a dark labyrinth". He was also condemned by the church for heresy, and the only surviving body part of his is his middle finger on his right hand. This is currently kept at the Museo Galileo in Florence, Italy, allowing him to give the finger to the Catholic Church from beyond the grave. (Full article...)

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DID U KNOE...

... that What's-his-name off that thing (Pictured) was in that film with that other dude?

... that Gypsies are stealing your carrots right now? (Pictured)

... that you should invest in chicken stock?
... that Alaska is a mooseocracy, in which citizens select a moose to lead them?
... that on 17 June 2007, Britain was mercilessly hit by an attack of 'falling water'?
... that existing is highly dangerous, and should not be performed unless you are competent enough to understand how to perform it?
... that in 2007 the Department of Homeland Security released a series of informative pamphlets on surviving a terrorist attack?
... that no word in the English language rhymes with the word flucumber?
... that I get knocked down, but I get up again, and you're never gonna keep me down?

... that the Southern United States is well-known for its "Southern Hospitality"? (Pictured)

... that a bird in the hand is better than crabs in your bush?
... that Mercury is not a miracle substance and does not cure AIDS?
... that 90% of all video game high scores are set by one guy called "AAA"?
... that there is a pipe bomb placed in your mailbox?
... that more people have been inside Paris Hilton, than in the Hilton in Paris?
... that it takes a man about thirty-four months to cross the Atlantic ocean on a turtle?
... that the entire world rightfully belongs to Albania?

... that John Travolta (Pictured) isn't gay?

... that the French Revolution was just a rip-off of the American Revolution?
... that in Baltimore, Maryland, it is a violation of statute to dress up as a clown and to make fun balloon animals to give to children and molest them with?
... that if Mommy is willing to lie about a freaky old dude who sneaks into children's bedrooms in the middle of the night to eat your cookies and drink your milk, she'll no doubt be willing to deceive you about everything else?
... that Former President Bush prefers his Tuskegee airmen with a side of risotto and mushrooms?
... that while most Popes don't shit in the woods, sometimes bears are Catholic?
... that life is a sexually transmitted disease with a 100% fatality rate?
... that homeopathic solutions are an effective treatment for thirst?

... that this topless woman is clearly unhappy about her situation? (Pictured)

... that contrary to popular belief, popular belief isn't all that popular?
... that gender is a scam invented in 1825 to sell more bathrooms?
... that NASA will one day send sharks to space?
... that the butler did it?
... that a camel's boobies are on its back?
... that this is why we can't have nice things?
... that I am writing this from beyond the grave?

... I could absolutely kill for something to eat right now? (Pictured)

... that Minecraft developers are flat earthers?
... that wearing a Top Hat is not only a sound fashion choice, it gives you somewhere to hide candy?
... that Richard Nixon was well-known for his honesty and often referred to as Honest Dick?
... that colorless green ideas sleep furiously?
... that over 30 million Chinese peasants died in the Great Leap Forwards due to inadequate long-jump scores?
... that Uncyclopedia admins are such lazy bums, they ask their users to think of DYK submissions?
... that Bruce Lee could juggle two balls with his penis?

... that BET is dedicated to bringing quality entertainment to the masses? (Pictured)

... that Barns and Nobles is the most successful medieval farming roleplaying game, played by millions of teenage nerds worldwide?
... that doody played a very important role in the development of quantum physics?
... that in the Mesozoic Era, toasters ruled the earth?
... that the rumors that you are paranoid were started by someone who's out to get you?
... that colorless green ideas sleep furiously?
... conjuction verb noun preposition article verb noun?
... that I like cats, but could never eat a whole one?

TEH ARCHIV – SUGGEST NEW ENTRIEZ

In the news
Chuck Norris didn't die, Death got Chuck Norris'd. World shocked as Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the bucket (Pictured) Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize Iran kept barely alive by Cardboard Ayatollah Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Donald Trump *still really, really* wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • ~~War~~ Special Combat Operation in Iran • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed • Impossibly long lines at American airports Recent deaths*: Buffy • Xander Harris • Robert Mueller • Transgender self-identity in India • DMV* - the TV show, not the actual DMV. It ended on a cliffhanger: Everyone was still waiting for their number to be called. • Mr. Strickland Upcoming deaths: Iran • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons • Streetsigns with Cesar Chavez's name • TSA agents' bank accounts and sanity • Sora UNNEWS – RADIO FREE LUNCH
ON DIS DAI...
March 29: National Treason Day 30 AD - Judas Iscariot betrays his best friend Jesus for a Coke, gets a Pepsi from the Sanhedrin instead. Heartbroken, he hangs himself. 1792 - King Gustav III of Sweden is assassinated when conspirators remove the structural dowels in his HATTEFJÄLL office chair. 1847 - American troops sack the Mexican city of Veracruz, steal the secrets of the fish taco from its denizens. 1857 - Indian Sepoys mutiny against the British after being forced to endure their take on Indian cuisine. 1951 - Julius and Ethel Rosenberg are arrested for giving the Soviet Union secrets of the nuclear family. 1973 - William Calley, U.S. Army officer responsible for the My Lai Massacre, is given numerous high-fives for his "epic" K/D ratio. 2019 - The United Kingdom leaves the EU, as per the deal, the entire British Isles will be towed into the Bermuda Triangle. VIEW 2MORROW – MOAR ANNIVERSARIEZ...
COLONIZASHUN OV TEH WEEK
For the glory of her majesty HALP US CLEAR TEH IVY OV CRAP, AN PLANT TEH SEEDZ OV HUMOR.

TODAIS FEATURD PICCHUR

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RESENT ARTICLEZ

WRITR AN N00B OV TEH MONTH

Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.

Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!

Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.

Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

Jesus! Only 2 days left to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month! Get voting!

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Uncyclopedia is hosted by the Uncyclomedia Foundation, a non-profitable organization that also hosts a range of other projects as well as some foreign language Uncyclopedias and Illogicopedia.

UnNews
News on crack
Uncyclopedia
The content-free encyclopedia
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Best left unsaid
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Noisy things
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Ways to waste away
HowTo
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Content-free books
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Debate the irrelevant
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Why?
Because
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UNCYCLOPEDIA LANGUAGEZ

This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains 40,967 articles. Uncyclopedias are being written in many languages, including Japanese!:

	Uncyclopedia English United States 40,967	Desciclopédia Português Brazil 50785	アンサイクロペディア日本語 Japan 19194	Nonsensopedia Polski Poland 17766	Nonciclopedia Italiano Italy 14423
	Désencyclopédie Français France 8936	Inciclopedia Español Spain 12400	偽基百科正體中文 Taiwan 6417	Uncyclopedia.de Deutsch Germany 6330	Hikipedia Suomi Finland 7300
Pagecount statistics listed above were updated on November 1, 2016.

Other Uncyclopedias

	백괴사전 한국어 South Korea 6303	ไร้สาระนุกรม ไทย Thailand 3132	Pekepedia Tagalog Philippines 275	Bodohpedia Bahasa Melayu Malaysia 105	伪基百科汉语 China 8269
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	Yansiklopedi Türkçe Turkey 762	اللاموسوعة العربية Iraq 976	نانشنامه فارسی Iran 943	ანციკლ ოპედია ქართული Georgia 4	Uncyclopedia.km ភាសាខ្មែរ Cambodia 1
	Spademanns Leksikon Dansk Denmark 9095	Psyklopedin Svenska Sweden 2497	Անգրագ իտարան Հայերեն Armenia 4	ວິກິພີເດຍ ລາວ Laos 8	আনসাইক্ল োপিডিয়া বাংলা Bangladesh 17
	Φρικηπαίδεια Ελληνικά Greece 2812	Celwyddoniadur Cymraeg Wales 103	Scotypedia Scots Scotland 10	Frithchiclipéid Gaeilge Ireland 19	Kengencyclopedia Lëtzebuergesch Luxembourg 7
	Нециклопедија Српски Serbia 456	Neciklopedija Bosanski Bosnia 27	Neciklopediju Hrvatski Croatia 303	Butalopedija Slovenščina Slovenia 31	Википедија Македонски Macedonia 175
	Oncyclopedia Nederlands Belgium and Holland 2807	Kwatsjpedia Limburgs Limburgs 21	Necyklopedie Česky Czech Republic 3530	Necyklopedia Slovenčina Slovakia 1888	Unciklopédia Magyar Hungary 1731
	Оксипедия Български Bulgaria 234	Neciclopedie Română Romania 167	Uichipedia Молдовеняскэ Moldova 4	Інциклопедія Українська Ukraine 1117	Абсурдопедия Русский Russia 4466
	Ebatsüklopeedia Eesti Estonia 96	Neciklopēdija Latviešu Latvia 159	Juokopedija Lietuvių Lithuania 267	Neciklopedio Esperanto Esperanto 3176	Unsaiklopedia 𐌲𐌿𐍄𐌹𐍃𐌺‬ Goths 14
	Desgalipedia Galego Galicia 5009	Oisquipèdia Occitan Occitania 33	Necyclopædia Latina Vatican City 279	Hatsiklopedia Malagasy Madagascar 8	Zombiepedia Zombie Chapel 7
Pagecount statistics listed above were updated on November 1, 2016.