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"Written" by J. Jonah Jameson
Spider-Man, according to this reboot of an Uncyclopedia article, is not a punny spy (whoever gave that idea should be fired. Seriously, who'd pay to watch a movie about that?), but does whatever a spider can. This wall-crawling, smack-talking web-head has apparently been reincarnated at least three times, but in all three lives, he's been some dorky kid from Queens named Peter Parker. Either way, he's a menace! A criminal! What has he ever done for society? Just because he gets bitten by some 8-legged bug and gains powers he thinks he gets to do stuff like this. Entitled kids these days. (Full article...)
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DID U KNOE...
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- ... that Flying Spaghetti Monsterism is the world's most intelligent and fastest-growing religion?
- ... that the American Civil War was actually marked by many instances of uncivil behavior?
- ... that oxygen is a highly addictive drug, with 100% of all users becoming addicted with their first hit?
- ... that 90% of all video game high scores are set by one guy called "AAA"?
- ... that there is no consensus among experts on vice presidential history that Al Gore exists?
- ... that creating an account comes with a 50% higher chance of leaving of Uncycloland alive?
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In the news
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"Homosexuality was well known in Biblical times, and Jesus doesn't say one word about it." — Jimmy Carter
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ON DIS DAI...
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January 15: Feast of the Two-Headed Yak (Ukraine)
- 1889 - Coca-Cola replaces cocaine in its formula with the milder caffeine, consumers complain, but without cocaine, they only end up being slightly anxious.
- 1919 - A giant tank of molasses in Boston, Massachusetts bursts and floods streets, killing 21. What makes their deaths any less tragic?
- 1967 - The first Super Bowl advertisements air on television. Since then, what was supposed to be "Football's Biggest Night" has always been nothing but advertisements.
- 1976 - Michio Kaku finds the perfect conditioner for his unique hair, sadly, it is banned everywhere except Estonia.
- 1977 - Martin Luther King Jr. spins in his grave, but not for any real reason, that's just a thing he does.
- 1987 - The two-headed Ukrainian Yak (B. grunniens chernobylian) emerges from the radioactive forest surrounding Pripyat, providing a useful source of protein to the people of northern Ukraine.
- 2001 - Wikipedia, the aggregate of all mankind's knowledge, goes online, first article is List of Power Rangers episodes.
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| COLONIZASHUN OV TEH WEEK
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For the glory of her majesty
HALP US CLEAR TEH IVY OV CRAP,
AN PLANT TEH SEEDZ OV HUMOR.
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WRITR AN N00B OV TEH MONTH
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Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!
So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.
Let us all clap for him because I said so.
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UNCYCLOPEDIAS SISTR PROJECTZ
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| Uncyclopedia is hosted by the Uncyclomedia Foundation, a non-profitable organization that also hosts a range of other projects as well as some foreign language Uncyclopedias and Illogicopedia.
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UNCYCLOPEDIA LANGUAGEZ
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| This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains 38,734 articles. Uncyclopedias are being written in many languages, including Lolcat!:
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PROTECTD BY TEH FAIR USE CLAUSE, AN AN ELITE CLAN OV CLINJAS.
