User:John Lydon/talk archive 1

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Welcome!

Hello, John Lydon, and welcome to Uncyclopedia! I hope you like the place and decide to stay. If not, the door's right over there and there is a window over here if you don't fancy walking down the stairs. Anyway, here are a few good links for people like you:

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At Uncyclopedia, writing articles is not a requirement, but most people enjoy writing something while they are here. If you are critical and think the world would be infinitely better if everyone listened to you, then you should become a teacher, but check out Pee Review while they make sure you aren't a sex offender.

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OK, I know you may have seen this message on lots of other people's pages, but I still had to come to your page to leave it here. If you have absolutely any questions, no matter how trivial, feel free to ask me here.

Here are a couple of important things that you should bear in mind as a brand new user, especially if you can't be bothered reading the beginner's guide.

• Read HTBFANJS I guarantee it will be a huge help to you and will stop your early efforts being deleted on sight.
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• Have fun, that is after all why we are all here.

Again, welcome!  ChiefjusticePSX 21:30, May 12, 2010 (UTC)

Moving pages

Just a heads up, if you need to move a page from your userspace to mainspace in future then you can use the move button that you will find at the top of your page that way it doesn't show as a page blanking and it means you won't have a blank page left in your userspace. Let me know if you have any questions. --ChiefjusticePSX 13:50, May 14, 2010 (UTC)

I was not aware you could do that. That would have been easier. Thanks for the heads up. --—John Lydon 13:52, May 14, 2010 (UTC)

You

I've nominated you for Noob of the Month, just so you know who to send the money to thank. —Pelozurian (talk) 04:24, 15 May 2010 (UTC)

Cool, thanks. Now if you could just tell my bitch sweet mom that I'm not a total failure and she is wrong about me, that would be awesome. --—John Lydon 16:18, May 15, 2010 (UTC)

Sure thing! But only after you fix your signature. —Pelozurian (talk) 23:19, 16 May 2010 (UTC)

Tanks

Nice work. Did you do it all yourself or spork it from wikipedia or somewhere? If all yourself, more than a nice work, very very nice. Since you are newer, I'll be an asshole and interject some comments which I hope help. A couple of spots were, ah, spotty as I read some of it (haven't read it all). The Rosie O'Donnell thing at the start just threw it off for me, such a contrast from the set up you were doing. And one of the things that is often discouraged here are lists. People call them listcruft or something like that. I had to be learned about that myself when I was a young pup, as well as the random thing, which is where Rosie falls (and what a sound she'd make falling!). Anyway, nice work, and now I wander elsehwere, hither and yon. Al des chains 21:07 18 5 MMX

Thanks for the input. I agree that the Rosie thing feels pretty forced. (Well that sentence just sounds dirty all the way around.) I'll continue tweaking it until I'm happy (or bored) but I thought it was decent enough to be released into the main space. Any chance you know about moving pages? I definitely need some help with that. I'm new to the whole Wiki thing and am learning as I go. Any help you can give on how to properly move pages would be GREATLY appreciated. Thanks again for the feedback on the article as well. It's always good to hear what others like and don't like so I can ignore them. (Only kidding) --—John Lydon 21:14, May 18, 2010 (UTC)

Youse welcome. The only times I've moved a page it's either been just clicking on the "move" button along the top there, next to 'history', or just copy and pasting the whole thing. Yeah, tweaking is the thing, I've read here that the time editing a page should be at least as long as editing it. Many of us tweak our pages for months. I go back over mine and usually find things to change, or links to put in which I'd become aware of since the last time I went thourgh it. Just this morning I was looking at a page of mine which now reads rough in some points. Learning curve, I guess. Al des chains 21:23 18 5 MMX

Nice work

Rejoice, John Lydon! You have been entitled to the
Golden Shower Award

For donating high quality material to the Pee Review.

---

Your latest review was a real improvement on what we have seen from you before. Keep up the good work, it is greatly appreciated. --ChiefjusticePSX 20:05, May 21, 2010 (UTC)

Skunk warfare

Dude! Thanks for the review. I've some thinking to do. BTW: I was recently in mob riots and there was the riot boss, paying each and every protester, and the boss wanted "riot deaths" - to blame the government. The people will hardly lift a finger for free. Mobs are organized and paid. But they nuked them before I had a chance to write my article. Ah, well, next time. Cheers!--Funnybony    16:28, May 28

Wow! You're a genius. As soon as I made the main changes you suggested it is immediately featured on HowTo. Thanks again. Cheers!--Funnybony    17:20, May 29

I'm glad everything worked out. I drink a lot and wasn't really sure if I was actually reviewing your article or just hallucinating. I guess even blind squirrels find a nut now and again. Congrats on the feature! --—John Lydon 13:14, June 1, 2010 (UTC)

Adoption

Happy to oblige if it is what you are after. Simply add this: {{Adoptee|ChiefjusticeDS}} to your user page and move all your stuff in by Thursday night. You'll find your mattress in the small cupboard near the stairs, just underneath my satchel.... don't look inside the satchel. Also, don't mind all the people in the bathroom, it's just we haven't anywhere official to put the Pee committee at the moment, so they are using it for the Annual General Meeting. --ChiefjusticePSX 20:26, June 2, 2010 (UTC)

Award from UN:REQ

This user created RC Cola, an article originally requested on Uncyclopedia:Requested articles. You're welcome!

Cow

Thanks, that was a good pee. I agree with many of your suggestions and will take some time to think them over. Oh and yeah, the founder's name changing was intentional - this was to give the impression that his parents don't really care about him (ie. they don't really know, or care, what his name is). Perhaps it doesn't work... anyway, thanks again. --Black Flamingo 22:02, June 7, 2010 (UTC)

Speaking of Pee, with 6 in-depth reviews, it looks like you're eligible to be in PEEING. And I KNOW I'm right this time.--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN ROTM NOTM Pleb USS Pees SK ) On Tuesday, 08:48, June 08 2010 UTC

Cheers for all that piss

Thanks for the review on the Mafia article. I is a uber n00b, but Uncyclopedia has been my inspiration in the last few hours days decades. I tried to leave as much as possible by other contributors, but after reading ur review I understand most of it was pure random crap and wouldn't fit with the new stuff. Very insightful pissing indeed. Godspeed. --SonOfPhyllis 23:40, June 8, 2010 (UTC)

An invitation I have never used before, anywhere, ever

Hello John Lydon, it has come to my attention that your reviews since joining Uncyclopedia have been of a very high standard and as such would like to invite you to join People for the Evaluation of Excrement and Influencing Nominations for Greatness. Membership will grant you several benefits, a groovy template to put... wherever you like and it will also make you eligible for the Reviewer of the Month award, which is a real award with votes and everything.

If this seems like your idea of a good time then simply add your signature to the Fresh Stains section of the committee page, or ask me for help if you aren't sure what to do. Good work so far, keep it up.

--ChiefjusticePSX 18:27, June 10, 2010 (UTC)

Tantra, thanks!

Hello, and thank you for your pee of Tantra. You gave some very good advice, and Funnybony and I will work from them. The babysitting thing, right on. Will lessen that. Some of the links do need to go, too many at times. I like many of the wikipedia links, because they do a little more to educate the reader interested in tantra yoga and sexual satisfaction. The "thems" line was one I really like, it works when the entire sentence is taken as a whole. Babysitter pic will go, bye bye. But I love the tiger woman! She creeped out Funnybony too! Creepy pic, thumbs up. Well, you did very good, it will help a lot, and I'll get busy on it within the day. Thanks very much again. Aleister 00:44 11 6 MMX

Hey....only I'm allowed to review Al's articles...even though I'm too busy to... ;__;--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN ROTM NOTM Pleb USS Pees SK ) On Friday, 07:18, June 11 2010 UTC

Tank you, tank you

Thank you for your review of Miss Teen South Carolina. I'm sure pee reviewers don't always get thanked, so I might as well. You provided clarity and direction for future edits, which the article desperately needed seeing as it was concieved on caffeine high (usually never a good idea). I really liked your idea of making a more wholesome encyclopedic article about her, I personally believe that is a good direction to take it. ...like such as. 谢谢你，你很聪明 ^^ --TheGreatOmNom 02:49, June 12, 2010 (UTC)

Anarchists (who R so improper) accusing diplomats of acting improper

That is the joke. But it was too out of date for you. I would have deleted it before if I knew how. But thanks for the effort. I read all the review and noted all the advice. Again late thanks, as I just noticed the review. Cheers!--Funnybony    21:23, Jun 12

Tantra too

'lo Jo(hn). Per your great pee review I've done lots and lots of edits on Tantra, deleted whole sections and the photo you didn't like (not the scary Tiger woman, must keep the scary Tiger woman). Kept many of the wikipedia links, for educational purposes. Lots of things now in references. If you have a few minutes please have a glace at it, I'd like to have your comments and see if there are any quick fixes to do. Thanks again! Aleister 1:59 15 6 MMX

I'd be happy to look it over for you. --—John Lydon 11:54, June 15, 2010 (UTC)

Wow, thanks. For the comments and for the nom. I have to run like the wind now, but will write a comment on it a little later crediting the original oh-so-serious author by name, and of course some bright-eyed character who did an excellent pee review and is undoubtedly practicing what he learned from the article (to the delight of young ladies everywhere). Aleister 12:32 15 6 MMX

Thanks heaps

You just reviewed my article (Only for a True Uncyclopedia Fan) and it was just the kind of response I was hoping for. I'm about to start editing now. Thanks heaps again, that was awesome. --Some Idiot 22:41, June 17, 2010 (UTC)

I think I've finished the article, although I have another idea I might add. Check it out here. Tell me what you think, and if it's so 'Random' now. An if there's anything I can add, of course. --Some Idiot 23:50, June 18, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks for the review

See above. I thought long and hard about your suggestion to change the pops out of the vagina bit. I've decided to keep it in as a satire of the kind of crude reductionist statements that some pro-choice people make. Cheers though. -- on edge Ape (nuke) (Riot Porn) 23:16, June 22, 2010 (UTC)

I think it will work either way. Good article all around. --—John Lydon 00:31, June 23, 2010 (UTC)

I've been wanting to

...leave a message on your page for awhile now 'cause I think you're funny, but I haven't thought of a reason yet.  ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*  (talk) (stalk) Π   ~  ~  23 Jun 2010 ~ 00:42 (UTC)

Tantra

Is featured right now. Thank you for all of your great help on it--your review, nom, suggestions, wouldn't have happened without you. Aleister 00:44 23 6 MMX

YEA!!!

As much as I like to take credit for stuff I didn't do, Tantra was featured because it was a very well done article. Paying each person 5 bucks to vote for it didn't hurt anything either. --—John Lydon 12:42, June 23, 2010 (UTC)

thank you for the pee review

I thought you did a great job doing the pee review for my article (What you don't know about Mario & Luigi) so thanks a bunch (it helped a lot). To see the improved article just click here.

--Magic man 01:01, June 24, 2010 (UTC)

P.S.

About the link thing (on my article) i just forgot to put them in there Thanks

The UnSignpost Is Not Dead!

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Jun 24th, 2010 • Issue 86 • Oh yeah, the UnSignpost, I remember that...

Conservation Week Approaches By UU Fancy watering Uncyclopedia's forestry? Want to be a good conservationist? Fancy taking up the rewriting sword of justice, and righteously smiting the dragon of shit writing? Actually, the hell with that, do you want to take a bunch of bad articles, and make them suck less? Then you, my friend, are in luck! Conservation Week 2010 starts on July 5th, and actively encourages users to scour the wiki (perhaps through judicious use of Special:Random, or possibly through exploration of Category:Rewrite or Category:Ideas or even Special:Lonelypages), find lame articles that they consider are taking up the very space which could be occupied by something less sucky, and then using their skill and judgement to turn those articles into shining examples of comedic writing. As this is a competition dedicated to simultaneously reducing the number of useless articles on the wiki and increasing the number of good ones, some naysayers believe it to be completely pointless - Uncyclopedia is the worst, they say, and no amount of well-intentioned competitions can change that. But were it to exist, the Cabal would probably beg to differ. They may call it something like "a genuinely good thing", and "a ray of hope, signalling that occasionally, even the most worthless dreck may be redeemed". So if you think what your userpage is missing is a template called the "Greasy Mechanic Award", then prepare to rewrite like you've never re-written before. Just don't forget to make your new version better than the original. Something summarizing the events of the last month or so By PuppyOnTheRadio It has been said by one of our esteemed administrators here at UnSignpost that if it wasn't reported in the UnSignpost, then it didn't happen. As there has been no UnSignpost produced for the last few days, due to one of the editors having a real life, and another one being lazy, there are several things that didn't happen. Yes, the loss of the UnSignpost for so long sent a shiver down the spines of many an Uncyclopedian. So much so that one member of the community decided that it was timely to look at a new way to produce the UnSignpost. One such idea was to release a monthly periodical in the place of USP. Although there has been several attempts by this reporter to obtain a quote from said insurrectional community member, to date no response has been heard. As part of the ongoing struggle to maintain our independent stance from Wikia, several members decided that it would be a wise idea to create a way to cash in on the popularity of the site. As such the UnShoppe has been created, where you may purchase any one of a number of Uncyclopedia-related pieces of merchandise. So far all purchases have been made by the individuals who created the store. However, if you are looking for the place to buy a shirt that shows that your nipples have been featured, that a wizard did something, whatever it was, and that you have an in-depth knowledge of who Dan Kwon is. There was a competition. Congratulations go to mrthejazz, who got the pun. Imperial Colonisation has taken a brief hiatus after the new head of IC became the old head of IC. He was an Australian, and his example has inspired the entire nation so much that the new head of Parliament for the country is now the old head of parliament. Congratulations go out to the new new head of IC. A strange bandwagon has been created by a drunken Bonner, who has challenged all and sundry to ask him anything at all. As such there are various forums dedicated to asking regular Uncyclopedian members things. These previously were known as user talk pages, but who can stand in the way of progress? And that's all that didn't happen. Although now it's listed in UnSignpost that means it actually did happen. Which suggests that by editing UnSignpost I have the power to change the past. If I could change anything about the past, what would it be? I had sex with a real person!

Check out these pages! Modusoperandipedia? Fuck... Uncle Dex needs ideas for business cards Wait, we seriously have a store now?! From our logs: 06:22, 23 June 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 153.107.33.152 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (and you are the living proof that school kids are idiots) 00:12, 23 June 2010 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked LRC (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (The purpose of redirects is to redirect someone to a page that is related to the original page, not separated by six degrees of bullshit logic. Try again.) 09:52, 21 June 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 153.107.33.158 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Back after your last block and still loving the penis, have a bit longer to think about that) 15:02, June 17, 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 243 seconds (I hear the UnSignpost may be returning, so I'd better make sure I put up at least one decent ban this week so I can get in it!) 05:38, June 17, 2010 PantsMacKenzie (Talk | contribs) blocked 76.109.125.137 (Talk) with an expiry time of a million years ‎ (multiple vandalizations of keitei) Old-School Featured Article of the Week UnMysteries:J'accuse Thank you all for meeting me in the Accusing Parlor tonight. If you're wondering what "j'accuse" means, and why I ran screaming it through the whole house, it means "I accuse" in French, and it's what people say when they accuse people of murder. I trust you know why we're all here. After I was mysteriously invited to this party, and after people started mysteriously dying, I decided to put my internet degrees in Criminology, and Criminography, to good use. But to accuse people of homicide, I have to start at the beginning. International Sporting Tournament of the Week The Swedish Orienteering And Firing A Rat From A Cannon Championships. The World Cup? What's that? Missed anniversary of the week Some time in the last month or so, the UnSignpost completely failed to celebrate its second anniversary. Hey ho. Two years of missed deadlines, desperate filler boxes, flimsy biopics, hand-deliveries and pale imitations of journalism - is it even worth mentioning? Probably not. Reason to leave Uncyclopedia #347 The standard of desperate filler boxes in the UnSignpost remains as low as ever. Oh look - a monkey!

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

A new UnSignpost issue, another template spammed onto your talkpage, enjoy! —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 16:34, 24 June 2010

Your PLS entry

Squidbillies was deleted, so there's nothing that's keeping you from moving your rewrite into mainspace. It's a really good article, by the way. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 18:29, 25 June 2010

I can't move it yet because it's still locked. I left a message for Olipro but I have yet to hear back. I've considered just copying the source into the main space but that seems to anger the grues when you do that sort of stuff and I don't want to get eaten. I plan on moving it as soon as I can though. --—John Lydon 09:12, June 28, 2010 (UTC)

I asked Chiefjustice and he unlocked it for you. Cheers! —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 11:35, 30 June 2010

How about a hand

Hi John. Post Apocalypse is up for VFH and both I and Aliester worked hard on it after a good sensible Pee review. It's now 8-0. Just a couple more FOR votes and its home. If you think it a worthy article - it has come a long way since its Nom by Alister. If you like you can vote HERE. Here's hoping! Cheers!--Funnybony    02:21, Jun 29

My contribution was minor, just cut a few words here and there. This is Funnybony's very good article. I see he's worked on it today, so I can't speak for any of the new stuff, but I know he's given me a tee shirt to wear to my Apocalypse cult meetings. Aleister 2:24 29 6 MMX

Do you feel like. . .

...doing the chicken dance? Hi. If you feel ambitious, could you pee review the Frat's latest gruel, Chicken? (and why aren't you a member of the frat? Come on, join us, join us. But maybe you already are and I just am too drunk to wander the halls to meet the new members) It's been sitting in the pee que for months now, or at least a couple of weeks or days, and we've already been working on another one all month. Thanks either way. Cluck cluck. Al 14:24 29 6 MMX

Yes, thank you very much. No hurry at all, don't feel rushed before you do it. The frat has had it on pee for a long time, we can "hold it in" for awhile longer. Chickens will be cluckin' with pleasure tonight. And mucho thank you on Well-Oiled Birds, it's to be featured in a couple of hours, and I hope it's read by many people out "there" in the innernests world. Thanks, Al 21:43 29 6 MMX

Read it before seeing your note. Great job! The page is a PETA pamphlet, and you're right, it does need to knock out some of the encylopedic things which slow it up a bit. As for the name, what better use of the name Chicken than to focus on the current injustice of caging 50 Billion of these birds a year. Let them free! It would be like writing about South Africa 20 years ago without mentioning apartheid, about baseball without mentioning steroids, or many other examples. As you say, if we just make clear it's an action pamphlet, although keeping the name (the pamphlet was the direction the frat agreed on, and hey, why aren't you in our frat! Are you a hippie, or a commie or something! Join us join us) should fix a lot. I'll get back to it later, thanks again on behalf of the frat, who will come for you tonight and put a hood over your head and bring you to our clubhouse. Aleister 14:19 30 6 MMX

Um

You moved the talkpage into mainspace. Try again with the article itself this time, please. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 16:48, 30 June 2010

All the news that's unfit to print!

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Jul 1st, 2010 • Issue 87 • More news than something with less news than us

Things getting boring on the wiki? Time to write at speed! By UU Dullness. Boredom. Shit not going down. That's the place Uncyc found itself recently. And we needed a spark. An idea. Something out of leftfield to galvanise the troops, plaster stupid smiles on faces across the wiki, and inspire joy unconfined in the community. We're still waiting for that, but until it arrives, Skull's hour-long writing contest will do nicely. Shamelessly pinching Cajek's idea of time-limited writing competitions (which brought us such classics as HowTo:Sexually Stimulate an Ant, lest we forget), but putting his own distinct spin on it, Uncyc's own mad Doctor challenged Uncyclopedians to write an article in a single hour that would survive VFD. Given Uncyclopedia's well-known exacting quality standards, this promised to be a tough task, but a surprising number of people were up for it. And so it was that a frenzy erupted across the wiki, and baffled Europeans and other users not around at the time awoke the next day to a slew of brand new articles, not all of which ended up being deleted. They liked the idea so much, they held their own a couple of days later. When asked to comment on his brainchild, the commotion and excitement it had caused, and the size of his penis, Dr. Skullthumper exclusively told us "Sure. I'll get on that. I swear". Things getting boring on the wiki? Time to start pointless drama! By An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays Giant evil multinational wiki-hosting conglomerate Wikia won a major victory last month, when a rebellion by a small but dedicated band of anti-capitalist radicals was brutally put down by a bunch of fascistic Wikia-collaborators. Or at least, that's what happened in the heads of Carlb, Roye7777777 and CartoonistHenning after they nailed their anti-Wikia manifesto to the metaphorical door of Uncyclopedia's metaphorical Wittenberg Cathedral. The 1,000-word anti-Wikia tract, despite the shocking and previously unknown revelation that Wikia was not in fact the wiki-hosting charity that it claimed to be, but rather a commercial company, failed to ignite a spontaneous revolt against Wikia among the Uncyclopedia community. A heated and sexually-charge discussion ensued, with strong arguments offered by both sides. However, it seems that some people were unable to grasp the enormity of the revelation that Wikia's motives were less than altruistic. Eventually, the thread descended into an all-out flamewar and a waaaaaaaaaaaaaahmbulance was called to treat the injured. "We may have lost this round," Carlb told UnSignpost reporters "but it is only a temporary setback. One day, the tyranny of Wikia will be no more. Our revenge will be the laughter of our children." It is rumoured that Carlb, Roye7777777 and CartoonistHenning will employ Black Bloc tactics at the next Wikia conference in an attempt to escalate the struggle against Wikia oppression.

Check out these pages! Tell me about your mother Fantasy (American) Football is back! (Oh yeah - I went there) Open the podcast bay doors, Skull... From our logs: 09:07, 30 June 2010 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked Ahmedatefa (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (don't do that....or I shall have to spank you) 20:31, 27 June 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked SadisticWolf (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 10 minutes ‎ (I don't "rape" I "cockify". There's a difference. ) 16:01, 25 June 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Dexter111344 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 500 seconds ‎ (I'm not a poor version of Oli, I'm a mediocre and far more irritating version) Biopic of the Week What can be said about Ethine? Well, she's been lurking IRC since about December 2006 and only made an account after being forced to by emc. She has been sexually harassed by long forgotten users and by ones you only wish you could forget. She recently took up the job of fighting vandals, reverting idiots, and trying to get new users flogged. For some reason, this was enough to get her the Uncyclopedian of the Month award. Or it could have just been because of her hands. Her young, sexy, oh-so-soft hands... By the way, she actually likes talking to you freaks over Skype. Go talk to her. Ask her about her open invitation to everyone to come to her house. You won't even have to bring your own rope, either. Old-school featured article of the week Hi, my name is David Cameron and I'm the Prime Minister of The United Kingdom. You can call me Dave if you wish, not that I'm trying to tell you what to do. "David" is fine. My mother calls me David and she's a lovely woman, so either way it's cool. This is my own personal uncyclopedia article. I've created this, because I feel that in this modern age of ipods and nanos, it is important to connect with young people and do it in the medium and language that they understand, L.O.L.

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--ChiefjusticePSX 12:27, July 1, 2010 (UTC)

Gold Record

Hey, John, as you know your song is a hit (FA). Maybe some A&R guy will hear it and say, "Yo!" It was quite good musically. I was in an ultra-cool BAND and we're still getting honors heaped on. You can hear me sing here. Rock on!--Funnybony    18:23, Jul 1

Thanks for the Racecar Bed Racing Review!

Since it was my friend's original article years ago, I'm trying to figure out how to fix up the article and still stay true to the tone and have it be "him". The random tangents are definitely "him." Most of them I had found a way to deal with by putting them as footnotes, that way they can still be in the article without distracting the reader, because they are pretty funny. With the particular one you mentioned, I struggled with that too, because it was a compound sentence, with one vital bit mixed in with the president bit. I didn't want to kill the joke altogether, so I didn't know what to do there. Anyhoo, thanks again for all the info! It was really great advice. User:Mrthejazz/sig 02:02, July 2, 2010 (UTC)

Review Needed

Hey John. Got an article up on Pee Review called 'Gondor'. No ones reviewed it yet, so I thought I'd ask you to. Are you up to the job? --Some Idiot 06:07, July 4, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks for the review. I've improved most of it but I'll get onto the real stuff soon. Thanks again, --Some Idiot 21:27, July 6, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks for the review

I'll be sure to revise meh article a bit--M'su Carencro - Talk - Contributions - Blag 05:07, July 9, 2010 (UTC)

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The Newspaper That DOESN'T Think It's Better Than You!

Jul 8th, 2010 • Issue 88 • Hand-stitched for comfort

Conservation week: how's it going, and what is it anyway? By Under user The 6th bi-annual Conservation Week is now in full swing, and once again bugging people by lasting for a fortnight. So far there are around 12 rewriters signed up (depending on if Joe9320 is serious about pulling out because he got reverted) to rewrite getting on for 30 or so articles. That's a fair old commitment to improvement. But then, that's kind of the idea, isn't it? Conservation week has been running since autumn 2007, starting life in Jocke Pirat's userspace, and spending a confused few hours being called the rewrite-a-thon in an early attempt to get around the whole week-fortnight thing. The first iteration was a resounding success, and about 38 people signed up to rewrite over 50 articles (with Zombiebaron hilariously missing the point and going on a deletion spree instead), making the current iteration look like it has some work to do. However, there was no quality control at the outset - if an article was rewritten in any way, that was deemed good enough. Some of those early articles may well have been made worse, we just don't know (or can't be bothered to check). Quality control arrived later on, when erstwhile gentleman editor of this very organ Gerrycheevers stepped up to run the first 2009 CW, and ran the rule over all the rewrites personally, so that the attendant award was only bestowed on those doing quality rewrites. That task this year falls to Dexter111344, who has promised to be "harsh but harsh". Probably. So, with a prize on offer to the person with the most high quality rewrites, and plenty of time left in which to do said rewrites, the only question left is: "why haven't you entered yet"? We asked this question of one completely random user, and he exclusively told us "because I'm busy writing this week's issue of the UnSignpost, duh!" Image Request: A Retrospective By UU Time to focus on a sometimes-overlooked corner of Uncyclopedia: UN:PIC, otherwise known as Image Request or Radical X's corner. Named for the once and forever king of image manipulation on Uncyclopedia, the near-mythical RadicalX, this page has been responsible for some truly memorable Uncyc images over the years. And some of Pokémon characters superimposed on the crucifixion - hey, whatever floats your boat. Established in March 2005 by a user called Machinecurse, this page has been the domain of most of the legends of Uncyc image manipulation at one time or another - as one 'chopper has left, another has arisen to take their place, in some kind of Potatochop Royal Succession stylee. Or something. Whatever, the likes of Paulgb, Zombiebaron, Seeker, Sonje and, more recently, KneeChee27 and MeepStarLives have slaved over hot image editing software to fulfil the esoteric image requirements of the Uncyclopedia populace. The response time has always varied on the page, as it largely depends on how active the 'choppers are at the time, how achievable the requests actually are, and how polite the request is. But for those with a little patience, it is undoubtedly a useful resource in the ongoing quest for that perfect image of Mario and Master Chief riding Pikachu down the Death Star Trench run. Or something. Have a look at the gallery to see some of the more recent work.

Check out these pages! Yes, it's fucking political... I, er, won't survive? Everyone's a winner baby From our logs: 03:03, 5 July 2010 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Skinfan13 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Paradox block for breaking a rule on an award with no rules) 21:47, 4 July 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Aidan2613 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (The revolution is dead. God save the queen) 18:15, 2 July 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 86.154.122.248 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 Days ‎ (I hope the next 48 hours pass as swiftly and painlessly for you as the hundred years war) Biopic of the Week In North Vancouver, born and raised, at city fundraisers and bake sales are where he spent most of his days... Some of you may or may not remember Shandon, nicknamed "Doughboy" by the electorate in Vancouver after his notorious political scandal which nearly erupted Canadia into anarchy. This is unlike his nickname on Uncyclopedia, "Doughperson", which is based on Shandon's gender neutral writing style and gender neutral username having led many to believe that Shandon has no gender. He recently moved to America, and after doing so was named "Worst Canadian Export", a title he took from Bryan Adams but recently lost to Justin Bieber (Shandon's only chance of reclaiming the title is Bieber's looming appearance in North Korea which many hope will be the end of him). After becoming the first person to ever pick up a chick from the Uncyclopedia IRC, Shandon is now living the American Dream. So what's the nick all about? Shandon, from Silverlock by John Myers Myers. NOT Shandon from Isle of the Dead by Roger Zelazny (another terrible book). Old-school featured article of the Week A civil war is a form of warfare known for its kindness and civility, in stark contrast to the other tactics such as scorched earth which are entirely too dirty for upstanding gentlemen. Civil warfare is a strategy that has outlasted many minor fads in warfare such as Germany's Blitzkrieg Bop, the British Redcoat's Stand In a Line and Shoot or the French Foreign Legion's Surrender. Its longevity as a tactic can probably be attributed to a few things, namely the incompetence of modern military tacticians compared to those of the past and the universal human need for cordial smiles and small talk, even during battle. The inevitable return of Cajek ban of the week 12:30, 8 July 2010 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day (not returning to Uncyc in a proper and timely fashion)

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Oh dear god, am I really doing this again? --UU - natter 11:03, Jul 9

Twanks

Thanks for your vote on "Rolex". I think it's a fine page with lots of help from Skinfan's pee review. I guess my most thanks is you probabaly actually read more than the first two paragraphs (hell, I would have voted for it for the 2nd paragraph alone!). Appreciated. Aleister 00:21 14 7 (oh look, 7, 14, and 21!)

You, personally, averted the Apocalypse

Post Apocalypse made it in to cue, thanks to you. Now there is no chance it will happen.

Much thanks--Funnybony    15:56, Jul 15

Another UnSignpost! Rejoice!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Because Uncyclopedia is no laughing matter.

Jul 15th, 2010 • Issue 89 • Made with 100% recycled vuvuzelas

The 40+ club expands By UU Once, many years ago, having 40 featured articles seemed an untouchable goal - a mystical, far-off land that none would ever reach. These days, it seems almost passé, as Mhaille has joined Modusoperandi in that territory, and Hyperbole (counting works by his various drunken sockpuppets) is half a feature away from becoming the fastest person yet to reach that magical figure. We asked them all for quotes, and Mhaille exclusively told us: ""Go eat more shit, fuckers"...obviously I am excited to have reached the BIG 4-0, and am delighted that enough of my peers deem the quality of my work good enough to have reached that figure, although I have to say I'm a little pissed that at least 10 other of my articles are feature-worthy and are constant overlooked (lengthy bans will ensue, I'm sure), I am equally as proud of my featured images, as well as many of my other contributions that I hope that my peers feel have augmented the work of others. That I am still here after five long years, and still contributing says something about Uncyclopedia itself. What that is, I wouldn't like to speculate. But sometimes you have to in order to accumulate. Apparently." Which is such a long quote we're going to need at least one blatant filler box in the right-hand panel. Bastard. Meanwhile, Modus exclusively told us "It's not that myself and Mhaille have written so very many great and fantastic pages that have, and will continue to, entertain the people for years to come. It's just that Mhaille did. "I" am one of his many sockpuppets. He writes as "Modusoperandi" when he needs a page without a "foreign" accent. Look around. There are a bunch more Mhaille sockpuppets here, too. Hyperbole, for one. Mhaille is like a wet Mogwai." Which is more concise, and therefore OK. Finally, Hype exclusively commented: "I'd like to say thank you to Uncyclopedia for voting to feature my many excellent, high-quality articles, including the drunken insistence that you accept a diseased poodle, the song about having sex with sporting goods, and the blatantly racist tirade about having to wait too long for a Pee Review. Writing 39.5 features has been literally the most important accomplishment I will ever have in my life. I look forward to continuing to service each and every one of you in the future." Which was nice of him. So, the burning question now has to be: who will be first to 50? Modus obviously has the lead, but Mhaille is writing in greater volume than he has for some time, and if Hype keeps up the pace, he's probably a good bet. But they're not the only candidates - Sog is coming up the rails rapidly, and could reach the 40 mark even quicker than Hype - could he overtake the lot of them? The only thing certain is that with these guys around, Uncyc should be assured of some half-decent articles amongst the dross. World Cup over - Romartus struggling for UnNews inspiration By UU The climax to the World Cup may have been a little ugly, unsatisfying and under-whelming (hmm, sounds familiar somehow), but it raises a question so far not addressed by the mainstream media, namely "what is Romartus going to write UnNewses about now?" The scourge of Junior Uncyclopedia has discovered his muse in the planet's biggest sporting event, and has been cranking out UnNews articles on the subject at an alarming rate. Now, without Jabulani balls, biting tackles and Messi long shots to inspire him, what is there to inspire him to maintain such prolific standards? Suspicions abound that the Tour De France is passing him by, he seems far too English to care about the various draft and transfer shenanigans in the NFL and NBA and the like, and as the only story to emerge from golf's Open Championship so far is Tiger Woods changing his putter (wow, someone hold me back), that seems unlikely to unleash his inner news-hound. With a worrying lack of global sporting tournaments on the horizon, will we have to wait another 4 years for the next Romartus article splurge? Stay tuned to UnNews to find out!

Check out these pages! Please not Stephenie Meyer, Please not Stephenie Meyer... Lazy journalism. Which is something we never indulge in Kicking on with another bandwagon From our logs: 23:47, 14 July 2010 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 92.8.150.140 (Talk) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (Oh, shut up for about half a year, will you? Thanks, dear.) 15:47, 13 July 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) resurrected Under user (Talk | contribs) ‎ (a song originally written for Celine Dion? Have you no standards?) 14:47, 13 July 2010 Flammable (Talk | contribs) blocked ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 294 seconds ‎ (CUZ I MISS U BABY AND I DUN WANNA MISS A THING.) 14:39, 13 July 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Under user (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Don't want to cloooose my eyes, don't want to faaaaaall asleep.) 06:18, 13 July 2010 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Keeh69 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (I block with the power of a thousand vuvuzelas) 19:16, 12 July 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 77.164.176.221 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (you can't even spell "racistic" properly it's "RASISTICS") 01:01, 12 July 2010 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 68.68.108.4 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Only because I can't appoint you an admin.) Biopic of the Week Fnoodle was the UnSignpost's first ever paperbot, something we could frankly do with more of. One of the many creations of fiendish evil genius Dr. Skullthumper, it also managed to singlehandedly upset approximately two-thirds of the wiki by running a huge spellcheck operation, maliciously changing "teh" to "the" on every single page - which seemed to put an awful lot of panties in a bunch, judging by teh number of complaints on Skull's talk page in the aftermath. Old-school featured article of the week The Adventures of Baron Ringpiece were composed as a series of short tales, published between 1840 and 1848 by William “Wacky” Thackeray, better known for Vanity Fair Magazine, and his novels Penispenispenis and The Virginans, and details the life and adventures of Redman Barry O'Malley. Thackeray always considered the work to be unfinished, and had intended to add several more chapters, turning the tale from one where the hero works towards success to one where he gains his dreams only to lose them. Cajek ban of the Week 10:04, 9 July 2010 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) changed block settings for Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day (account creation disabled) ‎ (I really don't do this as often as I should)

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—Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 10:30, 16 July 2010

Thanks

I want to thank you for voting for on my article Dear Mr. Hornet. Also, thanks for the review.--M'su Carencro - Talk - Contributions - Blag 18:34, July 20, 2010 (UTC)

Read all about it! The UnSignpost rides again!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper With Words n' Shit!

Jul 22nd, 2010 • Issue 90 • Suddenly, Signpost!

UnNews hits warp factor Whore By Zim That bastard child of Uncyclopedia and WikiNews, UnNews, is in full-on whoring mode. Tired of being relegated to the bilge hold of Uncyc, staff have collectively and to a man, woman or it, decided to resort to the time-honored tradition of whoring themselves for attention. 2010 is shaping up to be a record year for lots of stuff, which I am too lazy to actually reference. We've had lots of cool coding happenings, resulting in a facelift to the Main Page, and a really cool navigation bar giving access to a plethora (well, 7 sections in fact) of sections including Sports, Comics, Editorials, and special coverage of the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. Contributors to UnNews of note are Funnybony, SPIKE, Romartus, Modusoperandi, Mordillo, Multiliteralist, PuppyOnTheRadio, Happytimes, Matt lobster and MrN9000 (when the bugger's here). Apologies to anybody I've missed. The Newsroom, home to nefarious plots and odd ideas, has once again become an active core of resistance against Uncyc's unofficial policy of ignoring us. Always leading edge, UnNews is acquiring a stable of notable personalities for a new series of Uncolumns called "Reductio ad Hitlerum", a guest column that invites persons of note to do an article for us, usually under threat of blackmail. Discussion here, first RaH column here by guest Sarah Palin. Techno gets Mhaille'd By UU The most exclusive and coveted award on Uncyclopedia, the Mhaille award for excellence, has been presented for only the 14th time in 4 years, and the first time in first time in a year, to the suitably humbled RabbiTechno. The award is, unusually on vote-happy Uncyclopedia, not decided on by voting, but is bestowed at the sole discretion of feature-monster, bureaucrat, whoring legend and token Liverpool fan Mhaille, according to his own criteria. Looking down the list of previous winners - Shandon, ENeGMA, Tompkins, Zombiebaron, Prettiestpretty, Savethemooses and the rest, it's pretty clear that the good Rabbi is a) in good company, and b) not going to be here much longer.

Check out these pages! Whoops! Andorin did it again Vote for less voting! What's a "Braydie"? From our logs: 06:03, 22 July 2010 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked 67.236.215.111 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (Cyberbully - also apparently believes women to have penises and is thus either aged under six years or is a Lady Gaga fan. Either way, unsuitable for Uncyclopedia) 08:04, 19 July 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 74.167.1.63 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (returning blankist. Nice to see you again chap.) 06:06, 17 July 2010 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 69.171.137.61 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (I get my dubious software from Synaptic package manager, thank you.) 01:45, 17 July 2010 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked 82.32.64.51 (Talk) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (yo article so fat) Old-school featured article of the week A shopping list purports to be a simple item used to detail all items required on a given shopping trip. However, recent scientific studies have revealed its true purpose: it is a key element in a game of oneupmanship between couples. The lists are carefully compiled in a secret code known only to one half of the couple, the objective being to confuse, baffle, and otherwise annoy the other half to the point of submission. The ultimate aim is to get the other half to admit to being an abject failure, and to concede intellectual superiority in the relationship indefinitely, or at least until next Tuesday. Cajek ban of the week brings you - Cajek's first ban! 15:06, 20 September 2007 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 hour ‎ (When an admin archives a VFD, voting is closed.)

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--ChiefjusticePSX 14:10, July 22, 2010 (UTC)

Graduation day

Ah, that time has come at last, you have garnered attention, admiration and er... attention from the uncyclopedian community and seem to be able to go several days without needing my help, thus I have chosen to graduate you from Adopt-A-Noob and set you off into the cold, cruel world alone.

Very well done for all the work you have put into your articles, UnTunes and reviews; I hope we will see more of them in future. If you have any further questions that need answering in future then don't hesitate to ask, I shall be around. Otherwise well done (remember to change the AAN template on your user page for this one), now get out of my cellar and take that blasted ukulele with you! --ChiefjusticePSX 14:34, July 22, 2010 (UTC)

This user has graduated from the adoption program! Kudos! from ChiefjusticeDS.

• Thanks for all your help along the way. You can keep the ukulele to remember me by. --—John Lydon 14:40, July 22, 2010 (UTC)

Monster Party

Reviewed it here. --Some Idiot 06:30, July 23, 2010 (UTC)

You may be interested to know...

I just got back from seeing Public Image Limited live. I was inches away from you. --Black Flamingo 00:40, July 25, 2010 (UTC)

Just wanted to say thanks for loving my article, reviewing it, voting it, and also loving it

User:Mrthejazz/templatedrunkennarrator

Congrats

	Reviewer of the Month July 2010

This is for you, treasure it. Also keep reviewing, you may not be my noob any more but I can still administer a damn good thrashing if necessary. --ChiefjusticePSX 07:16, August 1, 2010 (UTC)

Contest today, August 2nd (U.S. time) or 3rd (civilized world time)

Happymonkey called for a writing contest which will start at 2:00 UTC (10 p.m. eastern time in the United States and other weird countries). Contestents will give each other an exact name of an article at app. 9:59 eastern time, and then we will write until 11:15 (3:15 UTC). We need at least one judge who will look at all the articles, say nay, or yay, or something, and tell us whatever they want to. Please sign up on Happymonkeys talk page, as participant or judge(s), and then we can pair people up around 9:30 eastern and let them know who they will give their page title to. (Inspired by DrSkullthumper's contest of a month or so ago). Aleister 16:05 2 8

It's new and it's news! It's the latest UnSignpost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper With Love In Every Paragraph!

Aug 5th, 2010 • Issue 91 • I love it when the news comes together

VFD minimum time limit introduced By UU Yes, folks, it's actual news this week. We know, next week will see normal service resumed. However: following a forum discussion on the dump that impressively managed to avoid any real drama, it has been decided that, to avoid any articles being deleted without a proper window for debate, all nominations on VFD will remain open for a minimum of one day. Further to that, the minimum score required for deletion is in the process of being clarified, so that either a score of at least +5 in favour of deletion will be required before the trigger-happy admins fire up their huffing devices, or 5 keep votes will automatically exempt an article from deletion. One of those. Probably. The number 5 seems certain to be involved, whatever the outcome. Hopefully, this will ensure that BUTT POOP is never deleted again. At least, such is our understanding. Sorry about that. We will now follow this with an article with no relation to news whatsoever, to try and make it up to you. Uncyc Fantasy Football draft off to racing start By UU Those with a passing interest in sports might notice that Uncyc's never-popular Fantasy Football league is about to embark on its second season, and has begun the draft process necessary to create the teams that will be taking part. So far, the results have surpassed the expectations of all except noted optimist Bradaphraser. Three days in, and seven of the record fourteen competitors have picked a single player each, making this the slowest process since BP started trying to cap that goddamn oil leak. This year's competition promises to be more open than the last, including as it does Joe9320, who admits to knowing nothing about the sport, preferring AFL, and noted British namby-pamby "soccer" fan UU, who has somehow agreed to become an Indianapolis Colts fan for the duration of the season. Hence his adding a picture of what he is assured is the awesome Peyton Manning into this very article. With the likes of the here-one-week-gone-for-a-month Gerrycheevers also involved in the process, it could well end up taking long enough to be ready by the start of the 2011-12 season.

Check out these pages! You're new, aren't you? I have this way of telling Fighting the good fight: a beginner's guide Someone returns, creates forum From our logs: 07:55, 3 August 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Ethine (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1000 seconds ‎ (I'm seeing the words "Added category!" when I sleep now) 14:44, 29 July 2010 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 195.74.132.170 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (I'm sure Emma is a really nice girl when you get to know her. Ask her out for some coffee or something. And when you guys fuck, don't post about that here either.) 00:14, 28 July 2010 Flammable (Talk | contribs) blocked 89.9.0.0/16 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 days ‎ (I got bored, so I decided to block 2/3 of Norway. Bug an admin in IRC and they'll unblock you, maybe.) Biopic of the Week Some user was just some user who created Uncycloversity, Unquotable, and had the world's greatest departure message from Uncyclopedia. Despite only having been at Uncyclopedia long enough for everyone to cry when he left, Some user brought a plethora of knowledge to Uncyclopedia. He taught us all how to find our inner sockpuppet and be humble, the former of which has duped countless users into earning lengthy bans and the latter of which was laughed at out of confusion and then soon forgotten. He also taught us all about the laws that protect one's anonymity on the internet, reminding us that the internet is a safe, anonymous world. Fact: every time a person uses a proxy, God makes a rainbow. Sexy 'Crat of the Week Mhaille is quite possibly the reason why all sysops on Uncyclopedia are assumed to be sexy. Going by his South Park likeness here (have you added yours?), his excitingly furrowed brow speaks of smouldering hidden depths, his trim goatee teamed with his unkempt hair hints at the animal nature he so barely keeps in check, his narrowed eyes show he's always ready for action... Face it folks: the man drips sex. Being banned by him is actually illegal in twelve American states as being too erotic.

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—Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 16:15, 5 August 2010

Monster Party

Jeez, John. That article is perfect. Any other picture would mess it up. My I have the honor to Nom it? That article is one of the best I ever saw.. too good to fix. But, I am able to offer you the chance to save my co-creation, Uncyclopedia:VFH/UnBooks:Keith Richards, which just needs one tiny little vote to survive. That is, if you think memory loss is funny when its intentional. Pleeeeese. Now, may I Nom your Monster Party? Cheers!--Funnybony    16:40, Aug 9

UnBooks:Jeff Beck Illustrated

Here's an old cat (66) who still rocks big time, who has no memory loss, and who just happens to be god. Could you do me a favor? Can you put a light-orange (peach) color back ground to this entire article, leaving the article as it is, but putting a peach colored back ground (like you did with green on Monster Party). That would be much appreciated. BTW: Monster Party made me laugh out loud. A master piece. Please keep me up to date on your work, cause I was not aware of Monster Party, and I don't have time to stalk people. You're getting better with each article. Don't forget to vote for Monster on VFH. Cheers!--Funnybony    17:57, Aug 9

Good start, thanks. Can the color be tan, and all the text be black? And the center box be wider so it fits the You Tube at the bottom? The narrow box down the middle is not even necessary as it also crunches the text, which needs to be wide. What would be ideal is to have the entire back ground in 'light-tan' color with wide and black text (no box). I would fix it up except for one slight problem, I'm an idiot at coding (and some other things too, such as rocket-surgery, hehe!). Your help is really appreciated. And hope I'm not asking too much. Cheers!--Funnybony    18:45, Aug 9

Hey, Bro

Nah, na na nah nah! (pouts) so there! (raspberry)--Ohnogodnotagain 17:13, August 11, 2010 (UTC)

Lets be friends again

John, you is the bestist big bruvver in the world. I love my present! (its bad parenting, you know) --Ohnogodnotagain 17:49, August 11, 2010 (UTC)

I love you really x

Um...

Yeah, I moved your article to the correct title "User:John Lydon/Back To The Future", but you were editing the wrong title "User:John Lydon\Back To The Future" at the same time. The latter title is wrong because it doesn't identify your page as being in your userspace but instead treats it as a separate user account. So, um, could you add your content from the \ page to the / page and request the deletion of the \ page at QVFD. Sorry for the mix up. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 01:20, 12 August 2010

Hey, Bruv

Oh, how I wish I could; but I'm just a child, and lack the necessary skills...(sniff) x--Ohnogodnotagain 18:44, August 12, 2010 (UTC)

p.s. I just submitted my article to Black Flamingo for a Pee Review. Would you please say a prayer for me. Maybe two. Or cast some runes of something? Invoke a deity? Thank you x --Ohnogodnotagain 18:47, August 12, 2010 (UTC)

You are....wonderful. How lovely; thank you, John. It would be so nice to have a sparkly user page - and truly I appreciate your lending your time and skills to do it. Lavender is my favourite, I like pink, and blue, too, but the pale, pastelly shades, you know? But really, anything that you think would be nice I'd be more than happy with, whatever you think. Please don't go to too much trouble; and - thank you, John... so much. x--Ohnogodnotagain 21:06, August 12, 2010 (UTC)

Beautiful

Oh, John, it's beautiful! How do you DO that? You're so clever! I love the colours and everything - especially the fluffy bunny article (but the Monster Party, although it's very good, frightens me a bit, so you'll have to take that away and put that back in the toy box). I guess I always knew you'd be climbing out of the cot first and setting off on adventures of stunning creativity and general all-round clever-pants-ness; and I'm very, very proud of my big bruvver. Thank you, it's wonderful, if I could have invented it, I would have done it exactly like that x--Ohnogodnotagain 16:44, August 13, 2010 (UTC)

p.s...and those little coloured boxes at the top - how do you DO that?? Anyway, here's a lovely thank you cake from me to you. Enjoy! x--Ohnogodnotagain 17:14, August 13, 2010 (UTC)

A cake for you Bruvver John x

Thank you again, I appreciate your help. By the way, you know I told you my article was being reveiwed? Well, what happens? If it's rubbish, and it get huffed (that's already happened to me once, although that was a really, really rubbish article, I think this one's much better) can you ask for it back to work on it some more? How does the points system work? What's a good score? What if nobody thinks its funny? --Ohnogodnotagain 07:21, August 14, 2010 (UTC)

John, I just got a fantastic review from Black Flamingo. It's stunning, he must have spent an age on it. It's so detailed and so relevant, I can't believe the effort he's put into it. Thanks for your reply, it is very helpful indeed and settled my mind. It became clear on reading the review what you meant about it not being a competition; the points are there to show which areas you're weak/strong in. The review comments all made sense, and when he said it, I could see it, you know? Do you know what I mean when I say that you become sort of blind after a while, looking at your work for so long? It gets difficult to be objective. What I lack mainly is experience, of course, but to be given such an in-depth appraisal with such valuable advice lends you a handle on that very experience. I'm so excited, I feel I know what it should look like now, know what I need to do. I have direction. They're bloody good, aren't they?--88.104.139.0 18:33, August 14, 2010 (UTC) OOps!--Ohnogodnotagain 18:48, August 14, 2010 (UTC)

Adoption

Hey man, I don't exactly know where to put this, so I tried the most likely spot. I've seen you around a bit. You're the guy who's code I copied who helped me figure out my sig, actually. Lot's of help there, so thanks! Yeah, we go way back, you just don't know it.

And just now, I was browsing through the adoption page, and I saw you, and I was like, "Hey, I know that guy! I've seen him around a bit!" Seriously, it was wonderful. It was like an incredibly pathetic, one-sided reunion.

Anyway, my point with all this is... You're a familiar face, and I'm looking for someone to adopt me. Free to a good home. I'm completely potty-trained too, stopped wetting my bed months ago. Care to take me on? :) -- Conquest _{Yo! Mofo!} 15:55, August 18, 2010 (UTC)

Stylistic Preferences?

I'm working on UnBooks:A Bad Day at the Office, but I've gotten caught up in a wave of self-doubt about the style of humor I'm writing. Basically, I'm worried it might be... too understated, I guess is the best word. Should I be more obnoxious? I was just wondering if you would mind reading it over and telling me if the style of humor is what the average Uncyclopedian is looking for when they read an Unbook. Y'know, before I invest too much of my heart and soul in the project. That'd be lovely if you could. You're awesome, mate. -- Conquest _{Yo! Mofo!} 13:47, August 19, 2010 (UTC)

Ruddy hell! It's the UnSignpost

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

You'd be crazy not to listen!

Aug 19thish, 2010 • Issue 92 • Does anyone actually read this bit?

UnReviews - get involved! By UU UnReviews is the latest portal-style page on Uncyclopedia. The brainchild of Skinfan13, and first introduced to the world via this forum, it gathers together all of the reviews that are not pee-related on the wiki into one handy place - verily, it's the page of the future! And it needs YOUR help! Yes, good idea though it seems to be, it does lack one fairly insignificant ingredient - there aren't actually all that many UnReviews to fill it up with. So how can YOU help? Well, we would have thought that was obvious, to be honest, but as we're dealing with Uncyclopedians here, we'll make it a little clearer: write an UnReview! You could go down the road of Modus's magnum opus UnMovie Review: The Dark Knight, and make a movie review, you could get all cultured on our asses, and go Shakespearian, or you could review something else entirely. The choice is, quite literally, yours! Something helpful this way comes By UU Need a hand making your page more awesome? In need of a formatting injection, or some kind of audio enhancement? Well, help may just be at hand. MeepStarLives has decided to create a one-stop portal for all requests of this nature. If this actually works, it could be something beautiful, quite frankly. TKF has already started the ball rolling with a challenging audio request which is likely to be an early acid test for the project. If you have a Casio keyboard and some decent audio skills, get across there and get this thing working! So, how can you get involved? Well, if you are skilled at adding awesome to pages in some way, watchlist the page, check it regularly, and stop hogging your wiki-fu to yourself! If you are in need of added awesomeness on your page, pop in a request and see what happens. If nothing else, it'll make Meep feel good about himself, and that's what it's all about, when you get right down to it. Right?

Check out these pages! Did the leprechaun tell you to burn things? Finally, something worth voting on! Classy! From our logs: 06:45, 12 August 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 66.110.140.189 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 Days ‎ (Don't blank pages, take drugs, or steal cars) 03:16, 9 August 2010 Rcmurphy (Talk | contribs) blocked Roman Dog Bird's Vag Stank (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (probably a troll, although the username could totally be a coincidence) 16:26, 8 August 2010 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked Hyperbole (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (taking top spot on the Hall of Shame.....might consider the need for a longer ban.....) Biopic of the Week Perhaps some of you remember Sir Cornbread. I barely do. I do remember how he made the Village Dump smell pleasant...well, as pleasant as the wafting, mixed aromas of stale cornbread and garbage can be. During his tenure at Uncyclopedia, Mr. Cornbread only had two features: rap and The Putz Who Stole Hanukkah. We're certain that if he would've stuck around he'd have 68,027.5 features, putting everyone else to shame but not rubbing it in our faces because I vaguely remember him being a nice guy or something. Now, this sounds ridiculous because Uncyclopedia only has 25,000 or so articles at present, but trust me on this one: this guy could write. Like many great writers, Sir Cornbread wrote about topics he knew a lot about: hermaphrodites, unoriginality, ape-shit craziness, Thais, and was working on an article about ape-shit crazy Thai hermaphrodites. But as is usually the case with all great writers on Uncyclopedia, only the good die leave young early. The ones who stay are just kidding themselves.

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--ChiefjusticePSX 12:12, August 20, 2010 (UTC)

Chords for Stalker Untunes

Hey, i liked the stalker song. can u tell me the chords played in that? this my first post here so kindly overlook any protocol mishaps. --59.93.247.102 18:21, August 23, 2010 (UTC)

I'm glad you like it. It's been awhile since I recorded that but I think the main riff was E-D-G-A. Don't quote me, because I don't have a guitar in front of me right now, but I think that's right. --—John Lydon 15:07, August 24, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks man. This song strikes a personal chord with me, and I plan on using this talk+website as proof of my insanity during my inevitable trial.--117.194.192.192 20:09, September 24, 2010 (UTC)

A Notice of Continued Existence... and A Quick Update.

So, my master, I just wanted to let you know that yes, I'm still alive. I have been caught up in real-world distractions the past few days, but I've finally had time to sit down at my computer and do some wholesome, nutritious editing.

And so I present you with a progress report. I read that UnBook you showed me. It's funny. I thought about what you said, and I'm reorganizing my story. It now involves - gasp - aliens, said with all the dramatic creepy music that the subject requires. Basically, your standard alien invaders land on the Earth's surface, involving your standard crash-landing of your standard alien spaceship. The aliens then begin your standard world takeover. Meanwhile, our hero, Dave, is just trying to have a normal day at the office. However, due to the chaos swirling around his building and the aliens running around unchecked, he has a bit of trouble with this.

The story ends with your standard planetary explosion. That's all I will say. However, you can read the new and improved intro here. Hopefully you will like it better than the last. Approving smiles and pats on the head are most appreciated. That's all. -- Conquest _{Yo! Mofo!} 00:13, August 24, 2010 (UTC)

Little Old Me

I need you to help me get past my insecurities. I want to do Pee Reviews during the times (like now) that I don't feel like working on my UnBook project...

As long as I give good, in-depth reviews, it doesn't matter that nobody has a clue who I am, right? -- Conquest _{Yo! Mofo!} 19:04, August 26, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks for the piss; I've got a drug test tomorrow.

Really good review (the anal probing one). Yeah, I'll definitely take those suggestions for the humor, and thank you for all the praise. As for the character, I was sort of going for a kind of... like, an arrogance. I stuck up asshole who thinks he's better than everyone else. Sort of educated, but in a pathetic way. I'm not sure how good that came across, so any tips as to how or where I could straighten this up would be appreciated. As for the images, like I said, it was done for the 1-hour contest. The images were the last thing I did, and I found them all in about 5 minutes total (I was rushing to meet the deadline). Thanks again. Would you like a cookie, sir? 20:20,27August,2010

Whoring

Hi John, as sluts go, check out this bitch Laird Hamilton up on VFH. You might like her. Hehe!--Funnybony    18:46, Sep 1

Help!

User:Conquest/Innocence

I have absolutely no idea where to go from here. I really want to write this article, I feel it has a lot of potential.

I don't want you to write it for me, just point me in the right direction. Some ideas for other sections, possibly? As you can see, I'm still learning to write and I guess I'm still fairly dependent on your wisdom, much as I hate to admit it. Please? Pretty please? -- Conquest _{Yo! Mofo!} 22:45, September 1, 2010 (UTC)

UnSignpost - This is definitely not late; you're just drunk

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper With Words n' Shit!

Sept 9th, 2010 • Issue 93 • Our definition of "weekly" may not match yours

The pee is weak - must be time for Pee Week! By UU It's been an unusually long stretch without any kind of competition recently, but PeregrineFalcon999 has come up with a way to put paid to that! Co-incidentally, the pee queue is as long it's been in aaaaages, but PeregrineFalcon999 has come up with a way to put paid to that too! Yes, it would appear to be nearly time for the inaugural Uncyclopedia Pee Week! It starts on Monday 13th September. So, the questions must be asked: Do you have an opinion, and want to give others the benefit of it? Do you want to help people who are looking for help with their articles? Do you want to get a shiny new template award thingy? If the answer to at least one of those questions is "yes", you could be on your way to winning this soon-to-be prestigious competition! Just sign up here, and prepare to review as you've never reviewed before! The best of the 5.5 years super-extravaganza begins! By UU As we all know, there is nothing the average Uncyclopedian enjoys more than voting. Except possibly causing drama, but we'll gloss over that for the purposes of this article, because an unprecedented new opportunity to vote has arisen, thanks to amphibious serial-killer TKF. That's right, on the fifth of every month, a new vote will start to determine the best somethingorother of the 5.5 years that Uncyc has been in existence. This month's vote is already open, and it's for the writer of the 5.5 years. So get over there, vote, and make your voice heard! Again. Asked for his feelings on seeing his brainchild getting off the ground like this, TKF exclusively told us: "My grand-uncle used to tell me "He who goes forth with a fifth on the Fourth, may not come forth on the fifth!" and I feel that's somehow relevant to this situation." Anyone pointing out that by the time this finishes, Uncyclopedia will be around 6 years old will be asked not to point it out again. UnNews main page By Socky Someone suggested to completely revamp the UnNews main page and in an epic move of Uncyclopedia originality, decided to hold a vote on it. Some people farted.

Check out these pages! Wikia sucks, part 469 In other news, The Pope's a Catholic Insert lie here The very pinnacle of humour From our logs: 06:16, 8 September 2010 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 202.137.241.225 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (You suck. Flaxmere too.) 04:13, 31 August 2010 Olipro (Talk | contribs) blocked 96.30.32.33 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (congratulations on bringing to our attention the fact you are a moron. you win a ban!) 05:47, 29 August 2010 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Vertiqual (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (Hey now, some of my best friends suck a lot of cock.) 18:46, 27 August 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) resurrected Mordillo (Talk | contribs) ‎ (Thank god I'm in Israel then!) 18:25, 27 August 2010 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked Mordillo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (According to my calculations, it's Shabbat in the 'Dam. Therefore, if you unblock yourself, you'll go to Hell. Ha ha ha!) 17:09, 21 August 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Magic man (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 15 Minutes ‎ (Update the score when you vote on VFH, cleaning up after you wears out my slippers) 02:44, 19 August 2010 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked DarkWalrus (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (Poor edits, won't listen to advice, continuos ICU removal, smells really bad, etc. etc. god damn) Biopic of the Week It's time to cover a true legend of the wiki this week, a name that still inspires awed whispers wherever connoisseurs of pee are gathered together: the one, the only One-eyed Jack! OEJ, as he is more handily known, was for some time pretty much the only person who bothered to do any pee reviews at all. Fortunately, the ones he did were pretty awesome. And he had plenty of knowledge to back him up, having birthed some seriously good featured articles. But Jack didn't just write for features - he turned his hand to improvement - check his userpage to see just how many below-par articles across the wiki had the benefit of his gently healing touch, nudging their prose from lame to lollable with a deft sprinkle of goodness. Man, we need more people like this guy. Where is he now, anyways? Old-school featured article of the week go eat shit fuckers

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 13:00, September 9, 2010 (UTC)

Monster Party--Yeah!

Congrats, John! Now I still needs 1.5 votes to save THIS - hope you can help. What's up next? Cheers!--Funnybony    12:24, Sep 10

Laird Hamilton won’t dare you to paddle out at Jaws

Whew, thank you. Laird was gonna stomp my arse if he didn’t get featured. Is it safe? Thanks to you!

--Funnybony    07:34, Sep 13

Back to the Future

I reviewed it here.-- (CUN) 21:40, September 14, 2010 (UTC)

Harry Harry Spoof

Hi John. I nommed this massive spoof on the Harry Krishna Movement. Hope you vote for it. It's a lot of material and a year of work. Its the feature article on HowTo right now. Your vote could keep it moving. BTW: Do you have anything ready for me to see? Cheers--Funnybony    21:48, Sep 15

Thanks...

For the review on Marshmallows. You pointed out just the right things that were wrong, which I hadn't really noticed and for that I am grateful. I must confess; the external image of the reverse toasting was something I liked on it's own, but really there's no place for it here and I was just trying to find a way to squeeze it in. A Freddo is a frog-shaped chocolate bar which is now rare, even in the UK, so to save explaining this I'll remove the reference. However, I can't see how I can make the sex paragraph any less patronising without removing entire ideas.

Thanks again anyway. thehallway 18:25, September 16, 2010 (UTC)

I'm fucking protesting

Thank you on pee. It's weird to define forms of humor. Maybe not. Maybe yes. You should be relative in some points of your life.Then you can be more formed at uncyclop typing. I will change my article. Ono ... kao... mate... --Bx228 17:27, September 18, 2010 (UTC)

Pee Week

This user took part in Pee Week 2010 and finished with a positive score. In recognition we hereby award them the title and rank of "A rather spiffing chap". Envious? Want to get templates, fans, stuff and more? Review something! It's more fun than religion!

Thanks for helping out! --ChiefjusticePSX 22:41, September 20, 2010 (UTC)

UnBooks:Author_of_the_Month

Hi John. Anything ready to Nom? I'm your man. I wanted to mention that our always-helpful bud, Aleister, is up for the above award. So I'm not an whore. I'm a pimp. BTW: Haven't seen you on VFH these days. Is you da busy? Cheers!--Funnybony    20:19, Sep 25

WTF

Just saw the above, what's that pimping, Funnybony. Cut it out. Hi John. I'm not maintaining the birthday/dates page, just adding on users I run across when categorizing pics. I may see a name I don't recognize, follow it to the user page and then see if the person has lots of edits for a span of time, and then add them to the list. It's interesting to me to list and research many of the "early" uncy people, from '005 and '006. The idea of years and days, etc., is interesting but may be inaccurate, as many of these users left long ago and never came back. So a 2005 guy who was very active for seven months and never again, for example, could be described as a seven-month user. Some of these guys have very interesting user pages, and lots of them seem to have been obsessed with grues. Thanks for the offer though. And since I'm here, thanks very much for your vote on uncy of the month. Monkey deserves it, but my ego is hoping for a tie. And somewhere along the line you will def. get Writer of the Month, so clear a space on your cyber-shelf for that (I personally am looking at Funnybony, Maniac1075, Skinfan if he comes back, and SPIKE for that award too. I really enjoy Maniac's weirdness). Long note, so I'll be on my way, mosey down the road a bit. Aleister 19:31 28 9

Hello, and I'd like to formally after the fact thank you for your vote on uncy of the month. Your trust is obviously misplaced, and perception may be an issue to discuss with your therapist, but hey, since you're living in enough of a dream world to vote for me, thanks! Very appreciated. (and I'm glad Monkey and I tied) Aleister 17:46 1 10

Hall of Shame

Hi John. You have 3 full features to your credit? If so then you should be in the Hall of Shame. Did you collaborate on any of those three? If not, then you have a "hat trick" = 3 FAs. And that means you go in the Hall. What else is new on your side? Anything ready? Cheers!--Funnybony    15:18, Oct 4

OK, I added you to Uncyclopedia:Hall of Shame. But please go and make your listing alphabetically in order in the 3 FA list. You'll be amazed at the place. Now you're IN, dude! Hey, what are you working on that's ready or needs a collab? Cheers!--Funnybony    18:55, Oct 6

You are in the Hall, man. People will clamor for collabs, send you money, provide beau-ti-ful and exotic women for your pleasure. The Hall, you are swimming amongst the Gods and Goddesses! And seriously, I like it when new members come in, that's nice, and try to see if someone needs one more (Iwillkillyou needs one) and try to help out their pages. As for alphabetizing, I tend to put my name at the end of the number, figuring those others had gotten there before me and should still have that position in the reptilian-brain sense of hierachy. But that's me. Congrats on your joining the club! And you piece looks fine and is defin. worth keeping and polishing. But I'm very bad at critizing other pieces, I can see the good in most of them and at least perceive a train of thought and storyline. That's why I don't often vote delete at VFD, esp. for long articles where the person put energy and creativity into it. And yes, your piece has potential, although I'm not a big gamer and don't know if it's a real game or you're playing with the Mapquest name and idea. Density here, Aleister 17:33 19 10

Review

I just happened to log in a few minutes after you posted your very good review of Calif.Mar.Inititive. Thank you--extreme thanks--you are so good at these and I appreciate all your kind words and criticisms equally. Will follow-up on your ideas and even incorporate some of your lines if you don't mind? I've always had a problem with the Cheech and Chong stererotype of potheads, they represent the stupidist of people when they're on grass (when a moron gets high you're going to get a high moron)(Hey, maybe that line is useable!). And now the public has that image. The image of Carl Sagan or Bob Wilson (who would write his books first straight, then rewrite high, then edit straight again, then high again, and finally straight) or anyone with an IQ over 90 on grass wouldn't fit the sterotype, so it's out there as is. Will try to include more of that without totally reinforcing the image. Speakin' of images, thanks for your comment on the pop-ups. I've used a couple apiece (don't want to overdo those) on "Disguise" and on the page I'll put up on VFH later today for Halloween, "Cemetery of the Absurd". Well, I'll work on California using your suggestions (will have to clarify the bottom image more, it was supposed to be used as a voter's card here, for people to take into the voting booth with them), and thought of nomming it when the seven days were up but, as always, a review once again greatly helped. That's where the discussion about going straight to VFH without a review falls short, if one is aviable from someone like you and a few other of the really good reviewers here, then that's well worth any wait. I've had quite a few pages up on VFH lately, the latest "Dreaming" which I'm really glad to see is passing because I loaded it up with good data, so after the two timely ones are considered I'll take a VFH break for 2 or 3 weeks. This gets really long, so thank you again, mucho, for your fine review and useful ideas. Aleister 16:43 22 10

Thanks

for the Bronco McStabber review. I think I got a bit carried away with putting in every double entendre I could remember. I'll get round to changing things along the lines you suggested, just maybe not soon - I'll give it a break for a month or so. --Sog1970 22:17, October 25, 2010 (UTC)

California

I've been editing, and pruning, and expanding. Getting there, but not there yet. I've incorporated some of your language, you genius you. Keepin' you updated. Aleister thanking you again 23:10 25 10

Still later. I think it's in pretty good shape now. Do I have your blessing, kind reviewer? (and thanks yet again!) Aleister 11:50 26 10

Later still. Have VFHnommed the page, due to topicality (election is next Tuesday). And smoke 'em if you've got 'em. Aleister 11:51 28 10

Sincere thanks

WOTM is the heaviest award ever - just see.

--Funnybony    14:09, Nov 1

Still more thanks

Yo!!! California Marijuana Initiative is sitting on the main page, thanks to your great review, several funny lines you suggested, and your kick in the pants to make it better. Thank-a-you-a-very-much! The issue lost, which is good, because now everyone will stop smoking that stuff and we will be a healthier and saner world. Marijuana is a thing of the past, thank God and His loyal servants on Earth. Thanks again! Aleister 12:37 4 11

UnSignpost - The UnSignpost Rides Again!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The periodical without any junk in its trunk!

Nov 11th, 2010 • Issue 94 • The Newspaper that shaves you closer!

The UnSignpost Rides Again! By Chief A long time ago in a galaxy far far away, the Rebels attained victory over the Imperial Empire and the last UnSignpost flopped onto talk pages. The drought came as Under user announced that he had a life to be getting on with, and at that point the UnSignpost simply stopped writing itself. Some people have suggested that these two events may be linked somehow, but until we see proof, we have resolved to live in ignorance. However as we hurtle towards the end of the year it would seem the magic has returned and the newspaper that confusingly contains neither news or paper will once again be arriving on talk pages weekly monthly annually whenever we can manage it. Newer recipients of the UnSignpost are urged to suggest ideas for stories in the press room; this helps as it means we don't need to pay attention to anything you people do every day. For now, please welcome the UnSignpost back into your homes and hearts... please? Speak up! By Chief For those of you who may be unfamiliar with The Article Whisperer, permit me to clear the waters somewhat with this bit of text I have, at great personal risk, copied off the competition page. It is: "An annual writing competition held by Uncyclopedia:Requested Articles", which I think we can all agree is absolutely splendid. Unfortunately, all our intrepid journalists were saving Kittens from trees and generally performing heroic deeds when the competition took place, but that won't stop us from talking about it. Lyrithya and Matfen were the biggest winners, or losers depending on how you look at it, each being Grand Champion of two categories. Competition founder MadMax was unavailable for comment at the time of going to press, so we have made something up instead: "The competition was a great success and I would like to thank everyone who took part; especially ChiefjusticeDS who is absolutely fantastic and whom I owe many drinks", he might have said. The Article Whisperer is expected to take place again next year, and MadMax might have said "Take part or die", but probably not. The Aristocrat's By Chief & Mhaille Few competitions stir the loins more than The Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball, self described as Uncyclopedia's festival of frivolity and bad taste. The competition has three categories: The Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball Best Bad Taste Article The Master Goa Tse Award for Digital Imagery If you aren't a writer (we are led to believe some people are not), then 3 Judges are needed for each of the above categories (see here). Seriously, this will be so much fun you will wish we did it twice a year... maybe. The competition opens on November 19th, so put on a stout pair of writing trousers and get going!

Check out these pages! Bed Never on Sunday Anything interesting happening? Zombiebaron That's so 2005 From our logs: 16:29, November 10, 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 435 seconds ‎ (You're reviving the Signpost? Good luck! Now to think of a witty ban reason to get me in the "From Our Logs" section. Penis. That ought to do it. It would if I was editing it.) 04:27, November 10, 2010 MadMax (Talk | contribs) blocked 124.181.83.75 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Normally you'd probably be reading a witty message from an admin. Obviously, I'm not one of those admins. Gotta tell you, you're missing out.) 10:36, November 9, 2010 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 82.42.244.217 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (List 350 reasons why I should care about your birthday, and I'll reverse the ban.) 08:10, November 10, 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked EatPoo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 Days ‎ (Alas, dear sir, you are afflicted with the stupid) 16:31, November 10, 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Under user (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 435 years ‎ (Stop being supposedly here and BE HERE. YOU'RE BREAKING MY HEART) Biopic of the Week Do you hear that? Thought not, because this week we are taking a closer look at one of Uncyclopedia's true unsung heroes, Black flamingo. He has a whopping 12.5 feature credits; that's more than 5 feature credits and 6 feature credits put together! Not only that, but Black flamingo has been instrumental in keeping Pee Review afloat while you weren't. Respect this man immediately or I will punch a Zebra, that's how committed I am to getting him recognised. Head over to his talk page right now and doff your helm. Now, dammit! Don't make me fetch the Zebra. Old-school featured article of the week The term "Paul is dead" (PID) refers to an urban legend or a hoax perpetrated either on the musical group The Beatles by their fans or vice-versa. According to the legend, bass guitarist and singer Paul McCartney was replaced by a lookalike after his alleged death in an auto accident in the mid-60s. Proponents of this hoax cite obscure clues embedded within the Beatles' lyrics, symbolism in their album covers, and Wings as evidence that the "real" Paul didn't survive into the 1970s. This manuscript reveals the full chilling truth. I've read it, and it will blow your tiny mind.

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The Grue Army

Hey John Lydon, Meganew and I were wondering, if you would like to join the grue army. We think some work could really drive you up the ranks (maybe even to admin-ship). If so just write back here or on my talk page and Meganew or I will add you. You can click all the links at the top of that page to read all about us. Or go here. Lastly, I don't know if you're one for userboxes but we do have this really cool one you get if you join:

This user has joined The Grue Army to help Uncyclopedia kill vandals, and help users. Please join today!

-- 02:19, November 16, 2010 (UTC)

Read All About It!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That DOESN'T Think It's Better Than You!

Nov 18th, 2010 • Issue 95 • The Newspaper that won't leave you the same way she/he did!

Wanna cyb3r? By Chief Hailed by some as the final solution to the Uncyclopedia problem and others as a wretched hive of scum and villainy, the Uncyclopedia IRC channel has chugged along for almost the same amount of time Uncyclopedia itself has. We here at the UnSignpost have literally hundreds of stories to sort through every week and we have picked IRC for a reason, and not just because it is easy to spell. We chose it because the Uncyclopedia IRC is a community and often contains users who are never on the site (because they are lazy and idle), equally many users who frequent the site do not enter IRC (because they are idle and lazy), and those who do often prefer to do so in disguise. This is a disgrace, don't ask why, it just is. Our intrepid reporters have spent literally minutes on IRC this week in order to bring news of it to you, the uneducated and unwashed masses and to try and encourage you to make use of it. Whatever you want to use it for: reporting vandals, penis jokes, collaboration, penis jokes and incoherent babbling; IRC is there for you. It is also a way to get to know the dull uninteresting personalities behind the exciting usernames, but don't let that put you off. When our intrepid reporter delved into the IRC community and asked the first person breathing in and out for a quote about IRC they told us "..." which should certainly give you food for thought. If you have some time on your hands then why not learn how to windsurf? But if you are too idle and lazy then why not head on over to IRC and see the magic happening for yourself? I would and if I would it must be a good idea. Balls up! By Chief The stage is seated, the judges are set and the competitors are questionable in number, yes The Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball is almost upon us. The competition opens this Friday and entries will be accepted until December the 3rd which is... a little while after that. Our hard-hitting journalists will be present at the competition and will be speaking to entrants and judges alike over the next few weeks. Just think; if you take part your name could be in italic font in the UnSignpost! Think about how envious your friends and family will be! Remember, it begins on the 19th of November and we want to see blood! We need you! Shameless pleading by: ChiefjusticeDS The UnSignpost is like an office printer, in that it constantly breaks down, sometimes doesn't work for months at a time and occasionally spews out some slightly smudged pages. If you think you have something to bring to the UnSignpost be it your journalistic talent, ideas for stories or even just a warm and reassuring slap in the face, feel free to drop us a line in the press room. Also Meganew wanted us to mention the Grue Army in the UnSignpost, so we have.

Check out these pages! We're the worst in another way! Why?:Not Vote now! It's not as bad as you think! From our logs: 05:54, November 14, 2010 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked POPEYE FUCK U UP (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (1) You suck. 2) Stop sucking.) 06:10, November 17, 2010 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked Frozen Korpse (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Yes, Mordillo is the worst. That's no reason to be rude.) 17:01, November 12, 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 204.109.64.2 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (I'll have some gay porn if you're going to the shop) 3:32, November 14, 2010 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked 92.0.147.7 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 year ‎ (I'M HAVING A FRIENDSHIP ANEURYSM) Biopic of the Week Know who it is yet? Know what time they were last here? No? Then you should probably be able to guess that this week we are looking at Aleister in Chains. Al has been hanging around Uncyclopedia for just under a year now, and in that time has picked up 25 feature credits and has earned the eternal hatred of many for his enduring good humour and incredibly annoying signature timestamps. If Aleister hasn't been responsible for a single one of your chuckles over the last year then you need to start reading some of his articles, that or cancel your afternoon appointments as you have died and failed to notice. I wouldn't recommend you post on his talk page or look at his user page as they are both just plain weird, offer respect, but don't doff your helm, you never know what might end up in it. Overlooked Page of the Week Things to do. Easing the pain in your pants since 2007. Newsroom UnTune of the week The Uncyclopedian's song

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

--ChiefjusticePSX 14:23, November 18, 2010 (UTC)

Run for your lives! It's another UnSignpost.

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

STOP... SIGNPOST TIME!!

Nov 25th, 2010 • Issue 96 • Putting the period in periodical!

Jimbo, Whales & The Worst 100 By Him again Those of you who regularly sit and stare at recent changes may well have seen a lot of tomfoolery with the site notice this week (that banner at the top which you dismissed two seconds after logging in). The reason for this is that somebody noticed that we are supposed to be a parody of Wikipedia and suggested we come up with something to parody Jimbo Wales' appeal. Zombiebaron duly obliged, then Lyrithya obliged too, then Olipro edited some code and the site notice you see today, or don't see, as the case may be, was created. Well done, them. Honestly, we have nothing bad to say about it. Except that I hate it as I do most things that come about through a process of honest endeavour. For those of you who didn't know, Jimbo does have an account on Uncyclopedia, an account he never uses, in rather the same way that I have a membership to a gym; I need one to be cool and so I have somewhere to hide when the black helicopters inevitably come for me. Jimbo is of course the co-founder of Wikia, which is rather like having helped build the Death Star except with less space and more super-lasers capable of destroying planets. Unfortunately, we haven't written a parody of the appeal yet. Well, we have, it just isn't very good. The team at the UnSignpost read both and after the laughter had died down we had a look at the Uncyclopedia one.... yeah.... but have our assurance, Uncyclopedia is working on improving it, and how could you doubt the people who brought you classics like Fisher Price and AAAAAAAAA!? The other item of news we have this week is that the reflections on this year are woefully lacking. Hurtling as we are towards the new year and the annual Cabal broadcast, you may want to consider adding an entry to the list in order that the administrators can sleep soundly at night. We refuse to believe that nothing of note has happened over the last couple of months because we've been here and can attest that something has happened every day. So get over there and do the editing, we'll be right behind you. Voting heats up By Chief The "of the Month" awards are in something of a state of flux at the moment as voters and nominators become increasingly unwilling to vote (or care) in some cases and more willing in others. "It's a sad indictment of the way we live," lamented Socky when our reporter spoke to him, though he did say some other things once we asked him some questions. This month on the Uncyclopedian of the Month award, Lyrithya has stormed ahead of competition, running up 16 votes at the time of going to press; we would say she was miles ahead of her opposition, but since she nominated both of them and voted for one of them we don't think she deserves it. When asked to comment, Lyrithya had this to say: "I hate you all". Meanwhile over on Writer of the Month, Romartus leads SPIKE by 7 votes. Neither of them were available to provide us with a quote, probably because we forgot to ask, but we took some of the things they said on the award page and through creative journalism summed up their thoughts: "This... is... my... award" is what Romartus said, though he may have said those words in a different order... and as part of different sentences. SPIKE just said "Yay," which was lovely. Things are far more exciting over on Noob of the Month where mega-noob rcmurphy and regular noob Putthatknifedown are neck and neck with 5 votes each. Things are of course far less exciting in the land of the other awards: Author of the Month is a gripping contest as gentile Uncyclopedian and former UnSignpost editor Under user trudges towards the finish line arm in arm with gentile Uncyclopedian and former UnSignpost editor Mhaille (he wrote a couple of lines for us once and they were amazing). Potatochopper of the month is also a rather subdued affair with nobody getting any votes, despite two people being nominated. Finally Reviewer of the Month has no nominations and thus, surprisingly, no votes so far this month. Why is this? We at the UnSignpost asked Uncyclopedia's dictator in-chief Mordillo what he thought; he agreed to consider the question after a stiff drink. We can only assume it was a strong one as we didn't hear back from him for 3 days. When he came back, he declared, "Uncyclopedia - UNITE! GO OUT TO THE STREETS AND DEMAND MORE BLONDES FOR ALL! MORE WELL SHAPED BLONDES FOR ALL! MORE THREESOMES WITH JEWS! and vote for NotM and RotM right? Trust us, we are the cabal, we know best". As Mordillo was being sedated, Socky bravely stepped in to fill his trousers and surprised everyone by saying "My thoughts on awards are that we should have a lot more of them and we should be a lot less serious about them. We could be having fun instead of worrying about drama. Voting will only lead to good results when not subjugated to logic." Socky went on to lay down his plans for ruling Uncyclopedia and restoring Germany to a dominant position in Europe; he left our interview early to annex Czechoslovakia, so thankfully we cannot bring you anything else from him this week. There is a point here, does Uncyclopedia need more awards? Or does it just need more contributors? All we know for sure is that you need to start voting NOW! Or tomorrow if you're a bit busy at the moment. Chief learns Latin; talks about lorums By Socky See {{lorum}} for a full transcript of his Latin writings.

Check out these pages! Mail Order Lobster When's your birthday? A surveillance camera!? From our logs: 13:58, November 21, 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 24.112.195.238 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (Enough time for you to go and have a bit pot of warm penises, just like you love them) 15:52, November 19, 2010 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 75.126.123.197 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (You suck at vandalism. You should probably try your hand at cooking or painting or something instead.) 14:40, November 18, 2010 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked 212.120.230.138 (Talk) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (I dunno - you expose a paedo, then it's you who gets in toruble. Fuckin' liberals, eh?) Biopic of the Week Prowling the corridors of UnNews and VFD, SPIKE has earned the respect of his peers through a combination of three things: Hard work, immaculate record keeping and... hard work. SPIKE is often to be found speaking into a microphone for UnNews, saving condemned articles on VFD and generally trying to make the site a better place. While he may not have as many features as some people, he makes up for it through a huge amount of work; his userpage is a comprehensive list of achievements, good deeds and a lot of other information that you probably don't need but he is prepared to give at no extra charge. I need all of it, of course, as I am building a database which I plan to flog to a corporation at some stage. If you contributed anything to UnNews or nominated an article for VFD this year then this man likely got involved at some stage. Respect him and get back to work. Old-school featured article of the week Are you tired of being a small cog in the giant machine of what is, for all intents and purposes, an infinite and uncaring universe? Of course, we all are! "But how do I, a mere newborn babe/small child/university student/accountant/elderly person just steps away from death's door, whose gaping maw is opened wide in anticipation of my ethereal etherealness, the insignificant mote of dust that is me, passing through its opening en route to what will surely be a depressing and disappointing eternity, attain oneness with the universe today?" you ask. How? Here's how. Newsroom UnTune of the week Stalker An UnSignpost apology As you know, we at the UnSignpost make few mistakes, but it has been brought to our attention that we misquoted Mordillo and made him look like a bit of a weirdo in the story to the left; this is highly regrettable and we enclose his full quote here by way of apology. "the ongoing voting trend that is directed at obvious targets such as WotM and UotM are a cardinal warning sign that Uncyclopedia is not only the worst, it keeps deteriorating. How else would you define a community that is centered on awarding its writers and goody two shoes? What about young new fresh people that are hopefully insatiable redheads with abnormal fondness of threesomes with Jews and MORE blondes? What about the people who take the substandard manure that the above said writers produce and fit them into shape?! Are we all doomed to be old shapeless writers? Will Uncyclopedia become like Europe - ageing, overweight and smug? Where are all the young willing blondes amongst the population?!" Editors note: Mordillo then went on to say the bit our journalist was awake for in the interview. The UnSignpost bitterly regrets having him sedated against his will due to this misunderstanding. We will be sending a fruit basket round to him as soon as his screams of anguish as the doctor inserted the needle stop being quite so funny.

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~ *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20101125 - 01:01 (UTC)