User talk:Conquest

Welcome!

Somebody has awarded you a cookie! Now go play in traffic.

Welcome to Uncyclopedia. A few quick notes: If you plan on writing, read How To Be Funny And Not Just Stupid, our vanity policies and the basics of editing. For a quick how-to on being a good community member, peruse the Beginner's Guide to being an Uncyclopedian. Try to make sure you're familiar with the rules and what Uncyclopedia is about. If you have questions, check out the help pages, post a note on my talk page, or have a look at the forums. Above all else, have fun, and try to hold onto your sanity. --Andorin Kato 23:49, August 10, 2010 (UTC)

Ice, Eskimo

Very nice work! Are you going to stick around or run off when the first pretty girl comes by. Nice to meet you! Aleister 00:44 11 8

Haha! I'm glad you think so. I'm planning on sticking around. Y'know... lurk a little, write a little, give a little, get a little. S'all good. Nice to meet you too, and thanks! Conquest 00:53, August 11, 2010 (UTC)

Alrighty. Feel free to ask me or anyone else any questions, and abide by the Three Holy Rules, or forget all of that and just have fun. Al 00:57 11 8

Adoption

I've been looking for a new apprentice (we don't talk about the last two, the cases are still pending). Just add this: {{Adoptee|John Lydon}} to your user page and head on over. Make sure to pack two white shirts, two pair of black slacks, and one pair of black dress shoes. A man will be along shortly with further instructions. --—John Lydon 16:54, August 18, 2010 (UTC)

Done. -- Conquest _{Yo! Mofo!} 17:17, August 18, 2010 (UTC)

Bad Day at the Office

I looked over your article and noticed a few sticking points. The first is that the intro does not fit what I think of as a book format. The run on sentence, while humorous, is something you probably would never see in an actual book. Keep in mind, Uncyclopedians love humor, but there also sticklers for conformity. Kind of like communist Russia. The second thing I noted, is the article feels like a rant from a guy who hates his job instead of an actual story. I think you're missing a central antagonist or threat of some type to tie everything together. To see what I mean, take a look at my favorite UnBook to date. A lot of it is a guy complaining about his life, but he has that central theme of a zombie attack to tie it all in. I don't think scrapping your article is neccessary, but coming up with a common tie in, like the zombie, is. I think your on the right track, you just need to think about where you're heading with it. Maybe come up with a finale and work backwards from that. --—John Lydon 14:10, August 19, 2010 (UTC)

I really like the direction you're heading in with the new revision. I'm anxious to see how it turns out. --—John Lydon 12:56, August 24, 2010 (UTC)

Peeing

Absolutely anyone can do a pee review. It doesn't matter if you're well known or not. A couple of tips before you start doing them though. Read through a few of the better reviews (anything by Chiefjustice is an excellent example) to get a feel for what an in depth review requires. Make sure that if you book a review, you complete it within 24 hours. Finally, remember that you're not just telling the author whether the article is good or bad, you're telling them how you think it can be improved. There's always something in every article that can be improved. Follow these tips and you will have people begging you to pee on them in no time. --—John Lydon 12:25, August 27, 2010 (UTC)

Innocence

I had a chance to look over what you have so far and it definately has some potential. I noticed that you seem to be hitting the same pothole that you did with your other article. It's not really clear to me as a reader what your point is. Are you saying that innocence is lost on mankind? Where innoncence can be found? Or are you simply defining innocence? My advice would be to figure out exactly what you want to say first and foremost. What point are you trying to drive across? When I start a new article I usually lay out a gameplan. I threw a sample one up here so you can see what it looks like. Remember this is just an example, so it probably sucks, but it will help you get the idea. After my outline is complete, I simply go through and fill in the categories. I think what you have is some good stuff, but you need to mix in a bit more humor and make the point of the article clearer to the reader. I hope this helps. If it doesn't, just drop me a line and we'll figure something else out. Now, take your butt back up to the attic and finish ironing my shirts. Use a little less starch this time, I could hardly move my arms in that last shirt. --—John Lydon 15:34, September 2, 2010 (UTC)