| Today's featured article
|
|
Good evening crew of the RMS Titanic. My name is Scuttlebutt, Sidney Scuttlebutt. I am the head of the exterior furniture section on this ship. My job is to provide deckchairs for the comfort of all First Class and Second Class passengers. Third Class passengers are not entitled to deckchairs so you will not need to show them how they work.
This may be the Titanic's maiden voyage but I am already a professional at the art of deckchair maintenance as I have worked on the Titanic's sister ship RMS Olympic. I believe a carefully prepared deckchair with the option of a blanket and cushion is essential if travellers want to take in the cold April air of 1912. So I will now demonstrate what we do.
What was that? You want to know more about the lifeboats? We can talk about that tomorrow. Those boats are to rescue people at sea, not the people here as this ship is unsinkable, made of steel that is light enough to float. There is no need to be worried. For those who really want to learn more about lifeboats, I understand Captain Smith will be holding a class tomorrow. (Full article...)
|
| Did you know...
|
- ... that solar flares are actually maritime distress signals launched by astronauts floating in the Sun's vast oceans? (Pictured)
- ... that the Kingfisher does not dine exclusively on kings, but also hunts queens, emperors, princes, dukes, viceroys and any other high-ranking members of the nobility?
- ... that food is probably the most addictive substance known to man? Withdrawal symptoms include nausea, hallucinations and possibly death?
- ... that Osama bin Laden is actually alive and well and hiding in your closet?
- ... that babies explode when you put them in the microwave?
- ... that St. Peter's Basilica is a large reptilian creature with breath of fire and a gaze that can turn people into stone?
- ... that You have to be lucky all the time, but we only have to be lucky once?
- ... that people residing or visiting Canada often ask themselves, "Why am I in Canada?"
- ... that it is most certainly not beneficial to Society to monitor Internet use? (Pictured)
- ... that it takes a man about thirty-four months to cross the Atlantic ocean on a turtle?
- ... that the square root of 69 is 8 something?
- ... that 5/3 people cannot do fractions?
- ... that Bill Cosby and Bing Crosby are the same person?
- ... that every time you fall asleep, you die?
- ... that 100% of divorces start with marriage?
- ... that since haste makes waste, and slow and steady wins the race, it follows that everybody who loses a race must therefore be charged with littering?
|
|
| Word of the Day
|
puss
Try to use it in conversation.
Knowledge is power.
|
| Recent News
|
|
|
| On this day...
|
|
March 14: American π Day
- 27 AD - Greeks fight valiantly against Russell Crowe in a vast gladiatorial event to define π as the ratio of the circumference of a circle divided by its radius.
- 435 AD - Pope Sixtus III denouces π, claiming it to be the work of Satan, as a number which never ends seems too cruel for a loving God to have made.
- 1603 - "American" Apple pie actually invented by the Aztecs, used as aphrodisiac.
- 1707 - The Physics Act of 1707 defines π to be 22/7, which scientists of the era proclaim as close enough.
- 1891 - The pie chart is first invented, sadly, the original prototype has long since been eaten. Future pie charts are now inedible.
- 2004 - The day Krabs fries
- 2005 - The Kansas Board of Education restores pi to its traditional value of three and a bit, stating, "Certain features of the universe are best explained by an intelligent cause, not an undirected process such as mathematics."
- 2020 - A resident of New York City passes away after contracting the π virus.
|
|
Uncyclopedia's sista projects
|
| Uncyclopedia is hosted by the Uncyclomedia Foundation, a non-profitable organization that also hosts a range of other projects as well as some foreign language Uncyclopedias and Illogicopedia.
|
Uncyclopedia Languages
|
| This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains 40,965 articles. Uncyclopedias are being written in many languages, including Moccan!:
|
For nonsense related IRC chat, see this instructional video.
Protected by the Fair Use Clause, and an elite clan of Clinjas.
.jpg)
