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Reformed Orthodox Rabbi William "Bill" Clinton (born August 19, 1946) is an American politician, former childcare worker, former amateur saxophonist, and swingin' bachelor. As the 42nd President of the United States, and the horniest man to hold that position since JFK, he led America through the economic golden age of the '90s.
Clinton is famous for being the first president to institute the Opposite Presidential Term, in which everything he said during his second term is the exact opposite of what he said in his first term. In his first term, he was a Liberal, but in his second term, he was a Neocon; that was his way of bringing about change.
Clinton's term in office was marred by economic and political reform. The most serious was some bitch named Hillary, who kept insisting she was his wife and had actually slept with him. This was widely ignored by everyone until it was revealed that Bill had been secretly cheating on the First Lady with Hillary, in a perverse affair that culminated in a media frenzy. (Full article...)
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| Did you know...
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- ... God doesn't appreciate those who smoke?
- ... that removing the rubber bands from the claws of a Lobster can result in oh god get it off get it OFF OH GOD MY FACE!
- ... that it's been proven beyond reasonable doubt that 50% of modern marriages end in divorce because of arguments inside IKEA stores?
- ... that Barns and Nobles is the most successful medieval farming roleplaying game, played by millions of teenage nerds worldwide?
- ... that the Russian Reversal is the common English term for the phenomenon during which a person descended from Russia is spontaneously turned around?
- ... that if Mommy is willing to lie about a freaky old dude who sneaks into children's bedrooms in the middle of the night to eat your cookies and drink your milk, she'll no doubt be willing to deceive you about everything else?
- ... that Alexander isn't really that Great?
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Chuck Norris didn't die, Death got Chuck Norris'd.
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| On this day...
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April 3: Vivaldi Appreciation Day
- 1220 - Rampaging crusaders drive a trebuchet through the walls of two towers in Ancient Syria.
- 1666 - Sir Marquis Baron Vivaldi walks to the crossroad and sells his soul to Satan
- 1888 - Vivaldi composes new record "A Change of Four Seasons", inspired by regressive metal band Dream Theater.
- 1945 - Scientists discover that if you play John Cage's 4'33" backward you'll hear someone cough, but backwards.
- 1974 - Tornadoes sweep the U.S.A, inspiring the invention of the tumble drier.
- 1986 - D.J. murder rate at all-time high, blamed on the provocative lyrics of The Smiths.
- 1996 - Ted Kaczynski, the Unabomber, is arrested for crimes against tasteful nomenclature, and killing like six people.
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