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Today's featured article Rough Gay Wolf Sex is the most popular form of hazing used by high-school and collegiate sports teams and fraternities in the continental United States. A prospective inductee must mount and copulate with a fully grown alpha-male wolf at the peak of its sexual heat to prove that they are worthy of gently tossing a ball around every Saturday morning or coughing up a mouthful of mid-strength lager drunk straight from a communal keg. The ritual was established to initiate young soldiers into military life, as a serviceman was very unlikely to leave the force out of fear for what the brass would make him do after having him penetrate a wolf for merely joining. The extremely dangerous, overtly sexual and psychologically damaging nature of the ritual made it a perfect male bonding activity, and it has entered into most parts of popular culture where men who walk around in gym shorts and call themselves "coach" can be found pushing youth to the limits of ability and legality. (Full article...) Recently featured: Shoutbox Clairvoyance among dinosaurs Reddit Obscurantism Archive · Vote for featured articles · Did you know... *... that the packets of silica gel that say "DO NOT EAT" are actually delicious? ... that if Mommy is willing to lie about a freaky old dude who sneaks into children's bedrooms in the middle of the night to eat your cookies and drink your milk, she'll no doubt be willing to deceive you about everything else?

Word of the Day [[ curb]] Try to use it in conversation. Knowledge is power. Recent News Sly Stallone (1946-Present) Netanyahu and Khamenei get it on Elon Musk breaks up with Trump Trump sends condolences to "Sly Stallone" (Pictured) Trump celebrates TACO Wednesday by reversing course on long-held campaign promise THE ROCKIES HAVE WON A SERIES! Hit videogame Deltarune about to be released tomorrow!!! New York Knicks throw tantrum, fire head coach for barely missing the NBA Finals Elevation Worship's Chris Brown filling in for mainstream Chris Brown until further notice Taylor Swift buys back her masters "Real" Timothee Chalamet at 2024 look-alike contest actually Finn Wolfhard Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Silksong, TAWOG, Stranger Things 5, and Spaceballs 2 • Russian Invasion • Gaza War, now with Iran! • Trump and Elon's feud.. make up.. no one knows anymore • NBA finals • Aaron Rodgers finally signing with a team • Animal-related live-action remakes kicking Snow White's ass Recent deaths: Updates for Mortal Kombat 1 • Rick Derringer • New York Knicks' surprisingly kickass season and coach's tenure • Fear Street: Prom Queen • John Redcorn • Brian Grazer's career and livelihood, and anyone's respect for him • Sly Stallone Stone • Brian Wilson • Nonna Grande • Canadian team's bid to win the Stanley Cup, again Upcoming deaths: DEI • Diddy's and Chris Brown's chances at freedom • Tom Cruise's career of sprinting on-screen • New York Knicks' future success and ego • Pittsburgh Steelers' locker room • Greta Thunberg? • R. Kelly • Iran's leadership On this day... June 19: Synthetic Cheese Product Day (Netherlands) 1269 - Louis IX of France orders all Jews in his domain to take jobs in banking, law and finance. 1770 - Christians hope for Jesus to come soon, 'cus they have to meet with their friends at the mall in the afternoon. 1776 - After the American Revolution is declared, George Washington proclaims: "I've made a huge mistake." 1865 - After slavery is banned in U.S., businessmen unveil new mode of labor called internships. 1953 - Julius and Ethel Rosenberg sell state secrets to Soviet Union for a barrel of Utz Cheese Balls and four labor vouchers. (Pictured) 1980 - Freddy Mercury spies a little silhouetto of a man, disappointed to find a group of horny women. 2012 - Wikileaks founder Julian Assange leaks his ex-wife's grocery list, because the people demand to know.

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Writer and Noob of the Month Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome! So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore. Let us all clap for him because I said so. Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage! Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls. Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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