Rodent
Rodents (Latin rod ere, to gnaw) are mammals of the order Rodentia, recognized as the small animals who make nests out of your garbage. The shelf life of rodents is 2–3 (hours). For best results, store your rodent in a cool, dark place and be sure to feed it a healthy diet of hobos regularly.
Mechanism of action[edit | edit source]
Being that rodents are three-legged creatures, they are known to be prime-legged. These creatures are rare, and are coveted by the Federal Communications Commission (FCC). Contrary to popular belief that rodents are actually four-legged creatures, they actually have three legs and one tail. This tail is often confused for a fourth leg. The tail is considered a delicacy in certain third-world countries.
History[edit | edit source]
Early history[edit | edit source]
Rodents managed to kill half the World's population back in 555 AD. Amazingly Canada wasn't affected due to the high maple syrup intake. Obviously, this means they're smarter than us. See also Jesus.
Mice, rats and other pests[edit | edit source]
Rodents traveled from the Old World to the New World with Christopher Columbus when he began directing those adorable Harry Potter movies. Once Columbus docked, the first rodent sprang from his flesh and began to multiply.
Diseases carried by rodents include the Black Plague, AIDS, and the need of small children everywhere to bother their parents about procuring a hamster which they will later use for deviant sexual practices.
Efforts have been made to eradicate rodents from the earth, including the Great Rat Purge of 1977, but scientists insist that they need these wretched vectors of sin for their "research work".
Certain of the more sadistic workers of the Centre of Science and Industry in Columbus, Georgia, have actually managed to train rodents to play basketball, presumably by electrocuting the tiny beasts every time they missed a basket.
Australian folklore[edit | edit source]
There is a wild creature in Australia called the The Giant Black Albino Australian Three-headed Man-eating Fire-breathing Winged Rodent. It is a giant fierce beast which has since been dormant for the past five hundred years. It lives a big giant cave. In the old times the wild beast would kidnap people and cover them in sticky purple goo and turn them into evil zombies. It has been caught by the Australian Beast Research Committee (ABRC) and has been reclassified as the Australian Black Albino Winged Rodent. It also has one head and nine tentacles.