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Rex "Grossman," the league's premier Zombied Quarterback.

Welcome to Uncyclopedia, your Supper Bowl headquarters

sponsored by Chunky Soup.
40,184 articles about sissy Rugby with pads Football

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Today's Featured Advert

Peyton Manning.jpg

Walter Peyton "Place" Manning is the second-greatest quarterback in NFL history, and the older brother of the greatest QB in NFL history, Eli Messiah. He hasn't won a championship because his teammates suck royally. His entire career is exactly like his father's, promising but ultimately insufficient, and it's all his teammates' faults.

Manning is also noted for throwing an NFL record 78 touchdown passes during Madden NFL 2004, barely surpassing Dan Marino's 76 TDs during Tecmo Super Bowl in 1991.

Manning is a good teammate, and as such, hasn't said anything, but his entire team sucks except for him.

So far he has nothing to say about coaches and management. Some people say this is because he is white enough to not anger the people who sign the checks and call the plays that he then waves off with five seconds on the clock, but they're a bunch of racists. He's not like Terrell Owens, ok? And don't say Owens isn't white enough to be as ignorant as Manning and get away with it, ok. You don't understand NFL politics at all. (more...)

Recently featured: Vietnam War Hoax - Uncyclopedia for Dummies - HowTo:Run away from home - Blackbeard Catering Company - Really Big Tree


Yesterday's Featured Advert

Sperm today.jpg

Rounded head, stretched tail, as white as silk, they are alive, yet they hold the most magical history humankind could ever find. Sperm usually come in groups of two or three million sperm cells. They support each other, all the while fighting their way to individualism to reach the so-called egg cell. Sperms are like hippies: they all stink, all of them are the same, but we can't just have enough of them.

Most sperm cells can live up to five days, although this lifespan may vary greatly. Some people, usually aged 15 to 22 have sperm cells aged only a day, sometimes two, and when these sperms die, they need to "ejaculate" them out, literally. Others, however, can hold their sperm up to two weeks, while old people can hold theirs up to a year, possibly two. This data may seem interesting and convincing, but it does not represent the demographics of people who play World Of Warcraft and Second Life.

During the production and delivery, until penetration, a sperm cell will explore many different worlds that no one could ever possibly venture to. Different colours, different atmospheres, different tastes and different pressures; they will feel all of that. A chronicle of a sperm cell. It is so cool that the word "story" was replaced by "chronicle". (Full article...)

Did you know...

*... that a bomb shelter is the safest place to hide explosives?
  • ... that the average human male between the ages of 18 and 42 has thought about sex with Brad Pitt at least once?
  • ... that a bomb shelter is the safest place to hide explosives?
  • ... that the average human male between the ages of 18 and 42 has thought about sex with Brad Pitt at least once?
  • ... that a bomb shelter is the safest place to hide explosives?

In the news

Taco (5076902674) (2).jpg

Ongoing: Eurovision • The wait for GTA VI, Silksong, TAWOG and Stranger Things 5 • Russian InvasionIsrael-Palestine conflictTrump and Xi's tariff games • The IRS hunting late tax payers • NBA finals and Stanley Cup

Recent deaths: George Wendt • Updates for Mortal Kombat 1Rick DerringerCarolina Hurricanes' choke job in the playoffs • New York Knicks' surprisingly kickass season and coach's tenure • Fear Street: Prom QueenJohn Redcorn

Upcoming deaths: DEIGoogle's ad monopoly • Cleveland Browns' locker room • LeBron James' career • Diddy's and Chris Brown's chances at freedom • Tom Cruise's career of sprinting on-screenNew York Knicks' future success

On this day...

Nosferatu!

June 5: Vampire Appreciation Day

  • 1879 - Politics invented, price of shit skyrockets due to high demand.
  • 1956 - Walt Disney is frozen and his head incinerated in a series of funny mishaps.
  • 1973 - Henry Kissinger mistakenly orders the CIA to overthrow the government of Chile, Kissinger later says "oops" to media.
  • 1989 - The people of Germany celebrate the fall of the Berlin Wall, are later disappointed to learn the Capitalists won.
  • 2001 - God sues Google over Google Earth due to breaching copyright.
  • 2002 - Nosferatu flickers the lights at a local burger joint, to the relief of the workers therein. (Pictured)
  • 2009 - Twilight movie is released, vampires protest at gross misrepresentation and are subsequently annihilated by the sunlight.

Today's featured picture

Angry God
God is pissed.

Image credit: Tripod2282
View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images


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Writer and Noob of the Month

Writer of the month.png

Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.


BePrepared.png

Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!


Noobaward.png

Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.


Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners


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