Today's Featured Advert
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Walter Peyton "Place" Manning is the second-greatest quarterback in NFL history, and the older brother of the greatest QB in NFL history, Eli Messiah. He hasn't won a championship because his teammates suck royally. His entire career is exactly like his father's, promising but ultimately insufficient, and it's all his teammates' faults.
Manning is also noted for throwing an NFL record 78 touchdown passes during Madden NFL 2004, barely surpassing Dan Marino's 76 TDs during Tecmo Super Bowl in 1991.
Manning is a good teammate, and as such, hasn't said anything, but his entire team sucks except for him.
So far he has nothing to say about coaches and management. Some people say this is because he is white enough to not anger the people who sign the checks and call the plays that he then waves off with five seconds on the clock, but they're a bunch of racists. He's not like Terrell Owens, ok? And don't say Owens isn't white enough to be as ignorant as Manning and get away with it, ok. You don't understand NFL politics at all.
(more...)
Recently featured: Vietnam War Hoax - Uncyclopedia for Dummies - HowTo:Run away from home - Blackbeard Catering Company - Really Big Tree
Yesterday's Featured Advert
Uncyclopedia is proud to present an exclusive, never before published column by Chuck Norris.
Recently a debate aired on ABC's Nightline pitting popular theists, Ray Comfort and Kirk Cameron, against two reviled atheists from the "Rational" Response Squad, which is also reviled. This testifies to the growing number (30 million people) of fools who profess there is no God. Add to that what I believe is possibly three times that number of functional atheists, those who believe in a God but don't show it (as True Christians® do, by voting Republican, wearing little American flag pins and putting Jesus fish on the tailgates of their pickup trucks), and patriotic Americans in America are facing a new religious horizon in which atheism is becoming a formidable foe.
Shockingly, although the majority of Americans continue to claim to be Christians, a Gallup poll discovered that forty-five percent of the population would support an atheist for President. Such a survey is a clear indication that the secularization of our Christian nation is alive and well. Secularization, if you are not aware, will signal the end of America as we know it. For example, soon the secular government, blinded by their lack of common Christian decency, will (as they did with public schools) banish the Bible from the White House, before banning it in church and eventually outlawing it in your very own home! Will real Americans continue to stand for this outrage? I pray to the Lord, no. (Full article...)
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Did you know...
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- ... that life is a sexually transmitted disease with a 100% fatality rate?
- ... that bipolar bears are not to be messed with, more-so than polar bears?
- ... that at some point, hanging in there just makes you look like an even bigger loser?
- ... that I let the dogs out, and you can't do a goddamn thing about it?
- ... that forgetting to carry the one is the leading cause of disaster for world domination plans?
- ... that air is a fictional substance that was once believed to fill the space above the surface of the Earth? While this "air theory" was once used to explain various phenomena, air theory, at last refuted, has joined the gene, the atom, Antarctica, and the free lunch in a long list of scientific red herrings.
- ... that women get periods, but men get commas?
 - ... that if you poke a whale in the tummy it will giggle like a schoolgirl?
- ... that the sound of a kitten falling into a wood chipper is still more pleasant than listening to Kidz Bop?
- ... that not all πr². There are also many π that r rounded?
- ... that I am inside your walls?
- ... that making drugs explode in your stomach is not a good way to make yourself smarter?
- ... that my dad reproduces asexually, thus making me impervious to yo momma jokes?
- ... that Alexander isn't really that Great?
 - ... that life is a sexually transmitted disease with a 100% fatality rate?
- ... that bipolar bears are not to be messed with, more-so than polar bears?
- ... that at some point, hanging in there just makes you look like an even bigger loser?
- ... that I let the dogs out, and you can't do a goddamn thing about it?
- ... that forgetting to carry the one is the leading cause of disaster for world domination plans?
- ... that air is a fictional substance that was once believed to fill the space above the surface of the Earth? While this "air theory" was once used to explain various phenomena, air theory, at last refuted, has joined the gene, the atom, Antarctica, and the free lunch in a long list of scientific red herrings.
- ... that women get periods, but men get commas?
- ... that if you poke a whale in the tummy it will giggle like a schoolgirl?
- ... that the sound of a kitten falling into a wood chipper is still more pleasant than listening to Kidz Bop?
- ... that not all πr². There are also many π that r rounded?
- ... that I am inside your walls?
- ... that making drugs explode in your stomach is not a good way to make yourself smarter?
- ... that my dad reproduces asexually, thus making me impervious to yo momma jokes?
- ... that Alexander isn't really that Great?
- ... that life is a sexually transmitted disease with a 100% fatality rate?
- ... that bipolar bears are not to be messed with, more-so than polar bears?
- ... that at some point, hanging in there just makes you look like an even bigger loser?
- ... that I let the dogs out, and you can't do a goddamn thing about it?
- ... that forgetting to carry the one is the leading cause of disaster for world domination plans?
- ... that air is a fictional substance that was once believed to fill the space above the surface of the Earth? While this "air theory" was once used to explain various phenomena, air theory, at last refuted, has joined the gene, the atom, Antarctica, and the free lunch in a long list of scientific red herrings.
- ... that women get periods, but men get commas?
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