Today's Featured Advert
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Walter Peyton "Place" Manning is the second-greatest quarterback in NFL history, and the older brother of the greatest QB in NFL history, Eli Messiah. He hasn't won a championship because his teammates suck royally. His entire career is exactly like his father's, promising but ultimately insufficient, and it's all his teammates' faults.
Manning is also noted for throwing an NFL record 78 touchdown passes during Madden NFL 2004, barely surpassing Dan Marino's 76 TDs during Tecmo Super Bowl in 1991.
Manning is a good teammate, and as such, hasn't said anything, but his entire team sucks except for him.
So far he has nothing to say about coaches and management. Some people say this is because he is white enough to not anger the people who sign the checks and call the plays that he then waves off with five seconds on the clock, but they're a bunch of racists. He's not like Terrell Owens, ok? And don't say Owens isn't white enough to be as ignorant as Manning and get away with it, ok. You don't understand NFL politics at all.
(more...)
Recently featured: Vietnam War Hoax - Uncyclopedia for Dummies - HowTo:Run away from home - Blackbeard Catering Company - Really Big Tree
Yesterday's Featured Advert
Dead Dicks, besides being the enduring legacy of mythomaniacal former U.S. Presidents, Lyndon Baines Johnson and "Tricky Dick" Nixon, are also a numerical unit of one in Vietnam War "grunt-speak." The term was first used to describe a war stiff reported by the Vietnamese and American governments during the "body count" game. "Body-count" was a ghastly, albeit highly rated televised sport notorious for being imposed on the citizens of Vietnam and America by the captains of both teams. Essentially a dead dick is the complete opposite of a live dick, also known in Vietnam as a "Swinging Dick." From the onset both sides of the conflict agreed via negotiations that "the only good dick is a dead one." Accordingly the scoring system came into play and the game was once again a-foot. (Full article...)
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Did you know...
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- ... that Elon Musk plots to monetarily obtain Madagascar for the industrialization of Tesla manufacturing plants, alongside having it renamed "Mada-electric-car"?
- ... that, despite the invention of the doorbell, knock-knock jokes have yet to be replaced by ding-dong jokes?
- ... that 'wax-on, wax-off' doesn't help teach kids karate, but just gets your cars waxed, free of charge?
- ... that every time you shoot yourself in the head, someone somewhere in the world dies?
- ... that food is probably the most addictive substance known to man? Withdrawal symptoms include nausea, hallucinations and possibly death?
- ... that your baby boy would one day walk on water?
- ... that it takes a great amount of sexual commitment to get a computer turned on, but once your computer is properly aroused, it can offer you some of the greatest sexual thrills you may ever experience?
 - ... that cutting off your hands, nose, and head reduces the spread of germs by 100%?
- ... that a rose by any other name would be called something else?
- ... that making a band usually involves frantically begging family and strangers to join?
- ... that in the Mesozoic Era, toasters ruled the earth?
- ... that if Abraham Lincoln was alive today, he would be clawing desperately at the lid of his coffin and screaming for help?
- ... that women are more likely to have a vagina than men?
- ... that the Canadian government plans to convert the entire city of Vancouver into a giant marijuana farm by 2050?
 - ... that Elon Musk plots to monetarily obtain Madagascar for the industrialization of Tesla manufacturing plants, alongside having it renamed "Mada-electric-car"?
- ... that, despite the invention of the doorbell, knock-knock jokes have yet to be replaced by ding-dong jokes?
- ... that 'wax-on, wax-off' doesn't help teach kids karate, but just gets your cars waxed, free of charge?
- ... that every time you shoot yourself in the head, someone somewhere in the world dies?
- ... that food is probably the most addictive substance known to man? Withdrawal symptoms include nausea, hallucinations and possibly death?
- ... that your baby boy would one day walk on water?
- ... that it takes a great amount of sexual commitment to get a computer turned on, but once your computer is properly aroused, it can offer you some of the greatest sexual thrills you may ever experience?
- ... that cutting off your hands, nose, and head reduces the spread of germs by 100%?
- ... that a rose by any other name would be called something else?
- ... that making a band usually involves frantically begging family and strangers to join?
- ... that in the Mesozoic Era, toasters ruled the earth?
- ... that if Abraham Lincoln was alive today, he would be clawing desperately at the lid of his coffin and screaming for help?
- ... that women are more likely to have a vagina than men?
- ... that the Canadian government plans to convert the entire city of Vancouver into a giant marijuana farm by 2050?
- ... that Elon Musk plots to monetarily obtain Madagascar for the industrialization of Tesla manufacturing plants, alongside having it renamed "Mada-electric-car"?
- ... that, despite the invention of the doorbell, knock-knock jokes have yet to be replaced by ding-dong jokes?
- ... that 'wax-on, wax-off' doesn't help teach kids karate, but just gets your cars waxed, free of charge?
- ... that every time you shoot yourself in the head, someone somewhere in the world dies?
- ... that food is probably the most addictive substance known to man? Withdrawal symptoms include nausea, hallucinations and possibly death?
- ... that your baby boy would one day walk on water?
- ... that it takes a great amount of sexual commitment to get a computer turned on, but once your computer is properly aroused, it can offer you some of the greatest sexual thrills you may ever experience?
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In the news
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On this day...
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March 7: Talk Like Caveman Day
- 11,000 BC - Grog think very hard and make up number coming after two, called like "tree" but dumb: Grog pummeled with many rock for wasting everybody's time.
- 9800 BC - All the mammoths are burned to death by Grog, his friends pelt him with poop since they have no food, but now there is no poop to eat either.
- 2580 BC - Grog's best friend Enkidu seduced by city-slicker propaganda, play dress up as civilized instead of sucking on rocks and eating bugs like good old days.
- 2500 BC - Grog sandboards down the slope of the Pyramids, is detained and put on cave arrest.
- 1309 AD - Grog is happy and healthy in cave, while stupid civilized people die of Cholera and Plague, at least until Grog eat juicy rat.
- 1995 - Unabomber say modern gizmos bad for soul of humanity, but Grog have smelly green leg and must punch antelope to death everyday for breakfast so what does he know.
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