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Rex "Grossman," the league's premier Zombied Quarterback.

Welcome to Uncyclopedia, your Supper Bowl headquarters

sponsored by Chunky Soup.
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Today's Featured Advert

Peyton Manning.jpg

Walter Peyton "Place" Manning is the second-greatest quarterback in NFL history, and the older brother of the greatest QB in NFL history, Eli Messiah. He hasn't won a championship because his teammates suck royally. His entire career is exactly like his father's, promising but ultimately insufficient, and it's all his teammates' faults.

Manning is also noted for throwing an NFL record 78 touchdown passes during Madden NFL 2004, barely surpassing Dan Marino's 76 TDs during Tecmo Super Bowl in 1991.

Manning is a good teammate, and as such, hasn't said anything, but his entire team sucks except for him.

So far he has nothing to say about coaches and management. Some people say this is because he is white enough to not anger the people who sign the checks and call the plays that he then waves off with five seconds on the clock, but they're a bunch of racists. He's not like Terrell Owens, ok? And don't say Owens isn't white enough to be as ignorant as Manning and get away with it, ok. You don't understand NFL politics at all. (more...)

Recently featured: Vietnam War Hoax - Uncyclopedia for Dummies - HowTo:Run away from home - Blackbeard Catering Company - Really Big Tree


Yesterday's Featured Advert

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Harvard Einstein (known professionally as Harvey Weinstein) is an American filmmaker, feminist, philanthropist, political activist, and ladies' man who has produced many breathtaking films. Weinstein is perhaps best known for producing the intellectually deep and dramatic romantic comedy Shakespeare in Love (1998), for which he won an Academy Award. As a member of New York's high society, Weinstein has also won seven Tony Awards.

Weinstein has been active on social issues such as women's rights, mainly helping victims of workplace sexual harassment. Weinstein has also been a longtime supporter and donor to the Democratic Party, including the campaigns of Barack Obama, John Kerry, Hillary Clinton, Kamala Harris, and especially John Edwards. (Full article...)

Did you know...

*... that sarcasm is totally the highest form of wit?
  • ... Jared Leto fucked your bf and he totally enjoyed it?
  • ... that sarcasm is totally the highest form of wit?
  • ... Jared Leto fucked your bf and he totally enjoyed it?
  • ... that sarcasm is totally the highest form of wit?

In the news

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YANKEES SUCK!

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Stranger Things 5 and Spaceballs 2 • Russia-Ukraine "peace talks" • ICE raids • Trump and Elon's couples therapy • Jerry Jones screwing the Dallas CowboysThe Andrew Formerly Known as PrinceRich New Yorkers fleeing MamdanistanLarry Sanger's war on Wikipedia • the New England Patriots suddenly being good again

Recent deaths: YouTube player's old design • Nick MangoldJamaicaDonna GodchauxDiane LaddDick Cheney • U.S. Government shutdown (finally!) • Tatsuya NakadaiSally Kirkland • The pennyUdo KierJimmy Cliff

Upcoming deaths: Eurovision Song ContestDEIIran's nuclear program • Diddy's bank account • MSNBCDonald TrumpNYC's economy • Chiefs Kingdom's livers and kidneys after realizing they might actually miss the playoffs • Weed

On this day...

'Till the going down of the sun...

November 25: Feel Vague Anxiety Whilst Examining A Tattoo You Got On A Drunken Impulse Day

  • 1622 - The toasted sandwich is invented in a joint venture by the Earl of Sandwich and the Duke of Toast.
  • 1901 - Ernst Schrödinger, inventor of the Uncertainty Principle, was born on this day. Or was he?
  • 1997 - Princess Diana dies in car crash after driver is distracted by the 'I love Charlie' on her right buttock.
  • 2006 - Europeans give thanks for the farsighted move of kicking Ayn Rand off their continent.
  • 2006 - Rush Limbaugh suffers great embarrassment after an assistant leaks information about his secret tattoo depicting two men engaging in immoral acts.

Today's featured picture

The Last Supper
Something seems to be missing, but everyone is too stoned to care.

Image credit: Volte
View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images

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Writer and Noob of the Month

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Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.


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Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!


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Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.


Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

You only have 5 (five!) more days to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month! Get voting!

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