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Rex "Grossman," the league's premier Zombied Quarterback.

Welcome to Uncyclopedia, your Supper Bowl headquarters

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Today's Featured Advert

Peyton Manning.jpg

Walter Peyton "Place" Manning is the second-greatest quarterback in NFL history, and the older brother of the greatest QB in NFL history, Eli Messiah. He hasn't won a championship because his teammates suck royally. His entire career is exactly like his father's, promising but ultimately insufficient, and it's all his teammates' faults.

Manning is also noted for throwing an NFL record 78 touchdown passes during Madden NFL 2004, barely surpassing Dan Marino's 76 TDs during Tecmo Super Bowl in 1991.

Manning is a good teammate, and as such, hasn't said anything, but his entire team sucks except for him.

So far he has nothing to say about coaches and management. Some people say this is because he is white enough to not anger the people who sign the checks and call the plays that he then waves off with five seconds on the clock, but they're a bunch of racists. He's not like Terrell Owens, ok? And don't say Owens isn't white enough to be as ignorant as Manning and get away with it, ok. You don't understand NFL politics at all. (more...)

Recently featured: Vietnam War Hoax - Uncyclopedia for Dummies - HowTo:Run away from home - Blackbeard Catering Company - Really Big Tree


Yesterday's Featured Advert

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Charlie Kirk was a right-wing political activist, master(de)bater, possessor of the world's largest non-equine set of gums, and penitent God-fearer. He was best known for being a follower of Christ, having a perfectly proportioned smile, and for founding Turning Point USA, a conservative advocacy group which sought to bridge the political divide wrecking our nation by browbeating and clip-farming America's most retarded liberals for social media clout. His viral debate clips garnered tens of millions of views, and his staunch defense of pro-life, pro-gun, and pro-America viewpoints earned him comparisons to the inimitable William F. Buckley Jr., minus the part where he was a closeted homosexual. An ardent supporter of President Donald Trump, he dedicated his life to spreading the Judeo-Christian values of free expression, America First, and branded hat salesmanship. (Full article...)

Did you know...

*... that in order to complete the video game World of Warcraft, over one cubic mile of animals must be clicked?
  • ... that you have schizophrenia and we're talking about you right now?
  • ... that in order to complete the video game World of Warcraft, over one cubic mile of animals must be clicked?
  • ... that you have schizophrenia and we're talking about you right now?
  • ... that in order to complete the video game World of Warcraft, over one cubic mile of animals must be clicked?

In the news

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One simply cannot piss until he scans this.

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Stranger Things 5 and Spaceballs 2 • Russia-Ukraine "peace talks" • ICE/Antifa clashes • Trump and Elon couples therapy • Jerry Jones screwing the Dallas Cowboys • Pregnant moms taking Tylenol to give their babies "autism powers" • Democrats and Republicans throwing hissy fits in D.C.

Recent deaths: Terence StampThe Devil's Rejects Unrated 4K Director's Cut • Trump's pet slothJoe Burrow's toe • Robert RedfordBaltimore Ravens' morale • U.S. Federal GovernmentJane GoodallThe Yankees' World Series dreams • Diane KeatonGaza WarDrew StruzanWindows 10D'Angelo

Upcoming deaths: DEIR. Kelly and Bryan KohbergerIran's nuclear program • Diddy's bank account • Cowboys', Bengals' and Ravens' season • MSNBCLil Nas XDonald Trump • Aforementioned Tylenol moms • Mark Butt-fumble's career and freedom

On this day...

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October 15: Opening Day of Hunting Season for Mimes (United States)

  • 1804 - The first mime turns up in France.
  • 1914 - Mime hunting season initiated to control the number of mimes.
  • 1976 - Massacres and bloodbaths occur on the streets of France. Mimes nearly go extinct. The world rejoices.
  • 2003 - PETA argues that the mime problem should be solved humanely, by imprisoning them in invisible boxes.
  • 2004 - A disgruntled mime uses a magnum to "remove" any extra mimes in the area, he is promptly arrested. Apparently the mime wasn't using a silencer.
  • 2006 - Vice President Dick Cheney shoots a mime in the face in a hunting "accident."

Today's featured picture

Hello Kitty
Hello Kitty getting her groove on.

Image credit: IMBJR
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Writer and Noob of the Month

Writer of the month.png

Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.


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Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!


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Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.


Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners


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