Today's Featured Advert
|
|
Walter Peyton "Place" Manning is the second-greatest quarterback in NFL history, and the older brother of the greatest QB in NFL history, Eli Messiah. He hasn't won a championship because his teammates suck royally. His entire career is exactly like his father's, promising but ultimately insufficient, and it's all his teammates' faults.
Manning is also noted for throwing an NFL record 78 touchdown passes during Madden NFL 2004, barely surpassing Dan Marino's 76 TDs during Tecmo Super Bowl in 1991.
Manning is a good teammate, and as such, hasn't said anything, but his entire team sucks except for him.
So far he has nothing to say about coaches and management. Some people say this is because he is white enough to not anger the people who sign the checks and call the plays that he then waves off with five seconds on the clock, but they're a bunch of racists. He's not like Terrell Owens, ok? And don't say Owens isn't white enough to be as ignorant as Manning and get away with it, ok. You don't understand NFL politics at all.
(more...)
Recently featured: Vietnam War Hoax - Uncyclopedia for Dummies - HowTo:Run away from home - Blackbeard Catering Company - Really Big Tree
Yesterday's Featured Advert
Ahhh. Long day of work over. Time to grab that big-ass bowl of vegetable beef barley soup in the fridge.
Bill, you better not have touched my soup again! Like that time you got so drunk you took a whiz in it. Twice. Come to think of it, it was shitty soup. That probably improved it. Not like this one.
Let's see, cake, milk, horse semen, ketchup, monkey, hair roller thingy, soup! Yes! My life is whole again!
Hold on...
Why is my hair roller in here?
Wait...
This horse semen tastes funny. Did you put your semen in here again, Bill?
Don't ask how I know what yours tastes like. We were drunk. Not my fault.
Just a minute...
WHY IS THERE A MONKEY IN MY FUCKING FRIDGE?!? (Full article...)
|
Did you know...
|
- ... that 10 minutes of Super Bowl XLIII was mysteriously interrupted? (Pictured)
- ... that Uranus is a gas giant?
- ... that the sport of Water Polo can be greatly improved with the addition of sharks?
- ... that Africa's space program has had several successful launches to altitudes over 11 feet?
- ... that 'wax-on, wax-off' doesn't help teach kids karate, but just gets your cars waxed, free of charge?
- ... that virgins are actually alien beings with zero sex organs, and reproduce via telekinesis?
- ... that at some point, hanging in there just makes you look like an even bigger loser?
- ... that there's more to the 9/11 attacks than the conspiracy theorists would have you believe? Like, way more?
 - ... that a very large number of events, both noteworthy and non-noteworthy, occurred in 1993?
- ... that Flying Spaghetti Monsterism is the world's most intelligent and fastest-growing religion?
- ... that the amount of cats in the area is directly proportionate to the distance from the Hot Dog factory?
- ... that the brainrot is taking oveBRR BRR PATAPIM, IL MIO CAPPELO E PIENO DI SLIM! TUNG TUNG TUNG TUNG TUNG SAHUR! BOMBARDINO CROCODILO!
- ... that it is important to tune your Air Guitar constantly, as any dust particles that stick to the complicated arrangement of air will completely deform it?
- ... that if you die in Canada, you die in real life?
- ... that the apostrophe is a small animal which has infected millions of books?
- ... that 10 minutes of Super Bowl XLIII was mysteriously interrupted? (Pictured)
- ... that Uranus is a gas giant?
- ... that the sport of Water Polo can be greatly improved with the addition of sharks?
- ... that Africa's space program has had several successful launches to altitudes over 11 feet?
- ... that 'wax-on, wax-off' doesn't help teach kids karate, but just gets your cars waxed, free of charge?
- ... that virgins are actually alien beings with zero sex organs, and reproduce via telekinesis?
- ... that at some point, hanging in there just makes you look like an even bigger loser?
- ... that there's more to the 9/11 attacks than the conspiracy theorists would have you believe? Like, way more?
- ... that a very large number of events, both noteworthy and non-noteworthy, occurred in 1993?
- ... that Flying Spaghetti Monsterism is the world's most intelligent and fastest-growing religion?
- ... that the amount of cats in the area is directly proportionate to the distance from the Hot Dog factory?
- ... that the brainrot is taking oveBRR BRR PATAPIM, IL MIO CAPPELO E PIENO DI SLIM! TUNG TUNG TUNG TUNG TUNG SAHUR! BOMBARDINO CROCODILO!
- ... that it is important to tune your Air Guitar constantly, as any dust particles that stick to the complicated arrangement of air will completely deform it?
- ... that if you die in Canada, you die in real life?
- ... that the apostrophe is a small animal which has infected millions of books?
- ... that 10 minutes of Super Bowl XLIII was mysteriously interrupted? (Pictured)
- ... that Uranus is a gas giant?
- ... that the sport of Water Polo can be greatly improved with the addition of sharks?
- ... that Africa's space program has had several successful launches to altitudes over 11 feet?
- ... that 'wax-on, wax-off' doesn't help teach kids karate, but just gets your cars waxed, free of charge?
- ... that virgins are actually alien beings with zero sex organs, and reproduce via telekinesis?
- ... that at some point, hanging in there just makes you look like an even bigger loser?
- ... that there's more to the 9/11 attacks than the conspiracy theorists would have you believe? Like, way more?
|
|
|
