User:Bradaphraser/SupperBowl

Rex "Grossman," the league's premier Zombied Quarterback.

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Today's Featured Advert Walter Peyton "Place" Manning is the second-greatest quarterback in NFL history, and the older brother of the greatest QB in NFL history, Eli Messiah. He hasn't won a championship because his teammates suck royally. His entire career is exactly like his father's, promising but ultimately insufficient, and it's all his teammates' faults. Manning is also noted for throwing an NFL record 78 touchdown passes during Madden NFL 2004, barely surpassing Dan Marino's 76 TDs during Tecmo Super Bowl in 1991. Manning is a good teammate, and as such, hasn't said anything, but his entire team sucks except for him. So far he has nothing to say about coaches and management. Some people say this is because he is white enough to not anger the people who sign the checks and call the plays that he then waves off with five seconds on the clock, but they're a bunch of racists. He's not like Terrell Owens, ok? And don't say Owens isn't white enough to be as ignorant as Manning and get away with it, ok. You don't understand NFL politics at all. (more...) Recently featured: Vietnam War Hoax - Uncyclopedia for Dummies - HowTo:Run away from home - Blackbeard Catering Company - Really Big Tree Yesterday's Featured Advert Orchids are a special family of temptress flowers that bloom around June, totally unlike conservative flowers with upstanding morals and family values. They have delicate bodies, slim stems, and deep orifices, with small follicles emanating from their lower inner region that open up once every 28 days or so to emit a rather fishy yet surprisingly fragrant scent in order to attract insects, which will invade their insides to help pollinate them. Orchids are considered to be some of the most scrumptious flowers in the plant kingdom, and they are also utterly insatiable. No amount of pollination is enough. Whereas almost all other flowers would be satisfied with one insect pollinator per day, for Orchids, no amount of frequent diverse visitors is enough. They are so good at seduction, bumble bees are known to fight one another to the death in their attempt to mount the stamens of orchids and destroy their tall slender legs in the process. Only the strongest bees with the most cunning, deceptive, and charismatic qualities are able to beat other bees during the frenzied orchid mating season. (Full article...) Recently featured: UnGames:Garlic bread Orchid HowTo:Rearrange the deckchairs on the Titanic Biffy Clyro Archive · Vote for featured articles · Did you know... ... that all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy? (Pictured) ... that contrary to popular belief, popular belief isn't all that popular? ... that the universe is made up of protons, electrons, neutrons and morons? ... that you've just lost the game? ... that the average human male between the ages of 18 and 42 has thought about sex with Brad Pitt at least once? ... that Drake the type of dingbat to believe everything he reads on Uncyclopedia? ... that if you put an ear up to a person's leg you can hear them say, "What the fuck are you doing?" ... that the bird is equal to or greater than the word? ... that Angelina Jolie took method acting to the extreme to play the role of Slim in A Bug's Life? (Pictured) ... that Santa sees you while you're sleeping, and he knows when you're awake? ... that Afghanistan is known for its lush dirt farms, where dirt and dust are cultivated by villagers to enhance the scenic emptiness for which the region is known? ... that the White House is really off-white? ... that a bomb shelter is the safest place to hide explosives? ... that Bill Cosby and Bing Crosby are the same person? ... that Stupendous Tropical Meningitis Vaccination A, the sister drug to Stupendous Tropical Meningitis Vaccination B, is very effective against Stupendous Tropical Meningitis? ... that over 30 million Chinese peasants died in the Great Leap Forwards due to inadequate long-jump scores? ... that all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy? (Pictured) ... that contrary to popular belief, popular belief isn't all that popular? ... that the universe is made up of protons, electrons, neutrons and morons? ... that you've just lost the game? ... that the average human male between the ages of 18 and 42 has thought about sex with Brad Pitt at least once? ... that Drake the type of dingbat to believe everything he reads on Uncyclopedia? ... that if you put an ear up to a person's leg you can hear them say, "What the fuck are you doing?" ... that the bird is equal to or greater than the word? ... that Angelina Jolie took method acting to the extreme to play the role of Slim in A Bug's Life? (Pictured) ... that Santa sees you while you're sleeping, and he knows when you're awake? ... that Afghanistan is known for its lush dirt farms, where dirt and dust are cultivated by villagers to enhance the scenic emptiness for which the region is known? ... that the White House is really off-white? ... that a bomb shelter is the safest place to hide explosives? ... that Bill Cosby and Bing Crosby are the same person? ... that Stupendous Tropical Meningitis Vaccination A, the sister drug to Stupendous Tropical Meningitis Vaccination B, is very effective against Stupendous Tropical Meningitis? ... that over 30 million Chinese peasants died in the Great Leap Forwards due to inadequate long-jump scores? ... that all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy? (Pictured) ... that contrary to popular belief, popular belief isn't all that popular? ... that the universe is made up of protons, electrons, neutrons and morons? ... that you've just lost the game? ... that the average human male between the ages of 18 and 42 has thought about sex with Brad Pitt at least once? ... that Drake the type of dingbat to believe everything he reads on Uncyclopedia? ... that if you put an ear up to a person's leg you can hear them say, "What the fuck are you doing?" ... that the bird is equal to or greater than the word?	In the news World shocked as Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the bucket (Pictured) Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize Iran kept barely alive by Cardboard Ayatollah Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • War Special Combat Operation in Iran • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed • Impossibly long lines at American airports Recent deaths: That guy from Boston, not the city, but the band, from the city • Chuck Norris doesn't die, he goes to Hell to regroup • Buffy • Xander Harris • Robert Mueller • Transgender self-identity in India Upcoming deaths: Iran • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons • Streetsigns with Cesar Chavez's name • TSA agents' bank accounts and sanity • Sora On this day... March 26: Fast Food Day (U.S.) 1845 - Fast food, then called fasting from food, is invented in Ireland: millions starve due to new trend. 1940 - First McDonald's restaurant opens in San Bernardino, California, life expectancy drops to levels unseen since the Civil War. 1965 - Fox in Socks, the first depiction of a modern-day rap battle, is published by Dr. Seuss. 1994 - After complaints from vegans, McDonald's switches from beef fat to vegetable oil for their fries, vegans celebrate, give money to company that kills millions of cows. 1997 - Someone orders an iced coffee from Starbucks, destroys the economies of three South American countries. 2011 - McDonald's attempts to make Happy Meals healthier, billions of apple slices rot inside their teeny plastic bags. 2016 - New FCC regulations on misleading advertising forces Carl's Jr. to release new 30 second ad of a fat man crying, alone. 2018 - Wendy's delivers epic clapback against dumb bitch on twitter with sesame seed allergy.
Today's featured picture NEW! Individual wrappings prevent Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Image credit: MoneySign View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images
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Writer and Noob of the Month Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome! So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore. Let us all clap for him because I said so. Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage! Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls. Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners You only have 5 (five!) more days to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month! Get voting!

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