User:Bradaphraser/SupperBowl

Rex "Grossman," the league's premier Zombied Quarterback.

Welcome to Uncyclopedia, your Supper Bowl headquarters sponsored by Chunky Soup. 40,299 articles about sissy Rugby with pads Football

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Today's Featured Advert Walter Peyton "Place" Manning is the second-greatest quarterback in NFL history, and the older brother of the greatest QB in NFL history, Eli Messiah. He hasn't won a championship because his teammates suck royally. His entire career is exactly like his father's, promising but ultimately insufficient, and it's all his teammates' faults. Manning is also noted for throwing an NFL record 78 touchdown passes during Madden NFL 2004, barely surpassing Dan Marino's 76 TDs during Tecmo Super Bowl in 1991. Manning is a good teammate, and as such, hasn't said anything, but his entire team sucks except for him. So far he has nothing to say about coaches and management. Some people say this is because he is white enough to not anger the people who sign the checks and call the plays that he then waves off with five seconds on the clock, but they're a bunch of racists. He's not like Terrell Owens, ok? And don't say Owens isn't white enough to be as ignorant as Manning and get away with it, ok. You don't understand NFL politics at all. (more...) Recently featured: Vietnam War Hoax - Uncyclopedia for Dummies - HowTo:Run away from home - Blackbeard Catering Company - Really Big Tree Yesterday's Featured Advert I looked up at the sky and saw the sun trying to squeeze through the grey clouds. Fantastic. The weather stays like this Emily won’t want to go to the park and I can have a wank in the shower. Should really do something with this shitty garden as well. Look like a fucking tink – that old fridge really has to go. I was just about to open the door when Emily ran out with her skipping rope. “Hiya Daddy!” she said as she ran past and began to skip. “Hey Ems, what have you been up to recently?” ‘What have you been up to recently?’ she’s not a second-cousin and you only saw her this morning, she’s not going to have written a fucking thesis or anything of any significance – oh shit, now I missed what she said. “That’s great honey. I’m just gonna go inside and see what Charley’s been up to, recently.” Might as well be consistently moronic. “Charley went out. He said he had to get some gear from his friend who was at the shops. I told him that we need milk too.” (Full article...) Recently featured: Metalheads 9-11 Shoutbox Clairvoyance among dinosaurs Archive · Vote for featured articles · Did you know... *... that genocide is a perfectly healthy response to any personal problems you may have? ... that the Uncyclopedia Discord link contains a virus called which infects your computer with the Uncyclopedia Discord? ... that genocide is a perfectly healthy response to any personal problems you may have? ... that the Uncyclopedia Discord link contains a virus called which infects your computer with the Uncyclopedia Discord? ... that genocide is a perfectly healthy response to any personal problems you may have?	In the news Boxer shorts, like a real man. And Bruce Lee black pants. Obama to Democrats: "toughen up, you fucking pussies!" (Pictured) Trump sends condolences to tough-guy actor "Mikey Madison" Clint Eastwood announces plans to live forever Trumpman introduces Trumpmobile Diddy gets off easy, possibly due to bribing jury Musk establishes "Porky Pig Party" to combat Trump's "Big Beautiful Bill" United Nations Secretary General gives up on world peace, World War Three begins Netanyahu and Khamenei get it on Trump joins in for threesome, blows load Khamenei fails to follow up after dirty talk, taps out Elon Musk breaks up with Trump Trump sends condolences to "Sly Stallone" Trump celebrates TACO Wednesday by reversing course on long-held campaign promise THE ROCKIES HAVE WON A SERIES! Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Silksong, TAWOG, Stranger Things 5, and Spaceballs 2 • Russian Invasion • Gaza War • Trump and Elon's feud.. make up.. no one knows anymore • Animal-related live-action remakes kicking Snow White's ass • Jaws 50th anniversary • Colorado Rockies game replacing Jaws airing • Israel/Iran "peace talks" • Pittsburgh Steelers adding old players way past their prime • Rock drummer exodus (not to be confused with Tom Hunting or Zbigniew Fyk) Recent deaths: Ariana Grande's Nonna • Canadian team's bid to win the Stanley Cup, again • PF4Eva's headphone cable • Jimmy Swaggart • Diddy's freedom for only 20 years • Michael Madsen • Diogo Jota • Texas flood victims • LA ICE raids Upcoming deaths: DEI • Tom Cruise's career of sprinting on-screen • Pittsburgh Steelers' locker room • Greta Thunberg? • R. Kelly • Iran's nuclear program • Oil prices • Dumbasses with fireworks in their backyards • Diddy's bank account after incoming lawsuits • The asshats who spoiled Squid Game • MAGA On this day... July 15: Throw Your Controller at the Screen Day 1982 - Atari releases E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial for the Atari 2600, and is met with rave reviews and general praise from gamers and critics alike. 1986 - Dragon Warrior (Pictured) is released for the Nintendo Entertainment System, paving the way for role-playing video games. 1987 - The most angry singer in the world was born in Las Vegas, Nevada. First thing he did in his life was to throw his NES controller in the TV. 1988 - The first adult-oriented video game is released for the Nintendo Entertainment System, but the inadequate processors and primitive graphics of the time render the game more confusing than erotic. 1997 - GoldenEye 007 is released for the Nintendo 64, panned by critics due to lack of achievements and customizable hats. 2002 - Playing off the massive success of The Lord of the Rings franchise, a videogame based on The Silmarillion is developed, where you play the role of someone trying to read The Silmarillion.
Today's featured picture El cazador que hace trofeos de los hombres—The demon who makes trophies of men. Image credit: Mhaille View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images
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Writer and Noob of the Month Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome! So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore. Let us all clap for him because I said so. Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage! Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls. Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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