UnNews:Help Uncyclopedia Buy Weird Al

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Tuesday, February 11, 2025

ALBUQUERQUEFICATION -- Have you ever listened to a fictional Weird Al album and thought, "You know what UnTunes needs? More professional singers, Bermudas, and Jack Black music videos." Well, we have a once-in-two-lifetimes opportunity to make that album a reality.

Let's buy Weird Al from Elon Musk!

Yes, you heard that right.

Weird Al could be ours, and we need your help to make it happen.

Why Weird Al?

• Eardrum Friendliness: Let's face it, Uncyclopedia's vocalists are ... Well, let's just say they're Billy Corgan. Al has a wider range than Mariah Carey.
• Kanye: Expanding our Kanye repertoire by 2? Yes, please.
• Roger Waters: Multiplying our Waters repertoire by 9,000? Why the hell not.

Why Musk might sell

Let's be honest – Musk is less sexy than Larry David's last girlfriend discussing sex musk. Also, he just failed buying regular AI for $100 billion, so it might get easier with the weird one.

And hey, we're even throwing in a nice Al-promoting UnNews to sweeten the deal.

As for the will of Al? Well, let's face it – when has that ever stopped him? If Elon wants to get weird with Al, he'll get weird with Al.

The tremendous plan

• Crowdfunding Goal of $100 quadrillion (give or take a few trillion). That's just $200 billion from every Uncyclopedian worldwide.
• Kakun will send you a free Palestinian for every donation of $200 billion.
• We will physically return Al safely to his physical family after the album has been physically released, perhaps with some physical hummus marks.
• Uncyclopedian Values: Each Al fan will finally learn that hummus does not equal Hamas. Hummus is a food that pretends to be mayo, but not all brands are as good as Heinz. Hamas is a terrorist organization that pretends to be a political party AND hummus. It has two brands, a Palestinian one and an Israeli one, both are run by Benjamin Netanyahu.

Perks for donors

• $2

• A personalized thank-you note from Zombiebaron (okay, maybe just a ninjastar).

• $200

• A virtual Aloha from Mr. Garrison on his social network, EclairWood.

• $2,000,000

• A lifetime supply of Kakun-written parodies (Roger Waters not included).

• $2 billion

• Your name on the credits of Alected, unless your name is Roger Waters.

• $200 billion

• Your own private Palestinian from Palestine (terms and conditions apply).

Quotes

“I may not be an active Uncyclopedian, but my Tethered brother Kakun sure is. Let’s bring a little Middle-Eastern magic to Lynwood and make it New Alestine! Because Stine means Jewish!”

~ Jordan Peele

“Make Al Israeli for the first time.”

~ Ofra Haza

From Jerusalem to Albuquerque – let's make Al Israeli!

So, what do you say, Uncyclopedia?

Let's make history and buy Weird Al. Together, we can bring a little bit of Sophia magic to Good Ol' Lynwood – and maybe even teach them how to not spread terrorists on bread.

Sign now, and let's make some sex musk for Roger!

Sources

• HANS CHRISTIAN ANDERSEN (11 February 2025). "Denmarkification". DreamWorks.

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