UnNews:Help Uncyclopedia Buy Weird Al
Tuesday, February 11, 2025
ALBUQUERQUEFICATION -- Have you ever listened to a fictional Weird Al album and thought, "You know what UnTunes needs? More professional singers, Bermudas, and Jack Black music videos." Well, we have a once-in-2-lifetimes opportunity to make that album a reality.
Let’s buy Weird Al from Elon Musk!
Yes, you heard that right.
Weird Al could be ours, and we need your help to make it happen.
Why Weird Al?[edit | edit source]
- Eardrum Friendliness: Let’s face it, Uncyclopedia's vocalists are... well, let’s just say they're Billy Corgan. Al has a wider range than Mariah Carey.
- Kanye: Expanding our Kanye repertoire by 2? Yes, please.
- Roger Waters: Multiplying our Waters repertoire by 9,000? Why the hell not.
Why Musk Might Sell[edit | edit source]
Let’s be honest – Musk is less sexy than Larry David's last girlfriend discussing sex musk. Also, he just failed buying regular AI for $100 billion, so it might get easier with the weird one.
And hey, we're even throwing in a nice Al-promoting UnNews to sweeten the deal.
As for the will of Al? Well, let’s face it – when has that ever stopped him? If Elon wants to get weird with Al, he’ll get weird with Al.
The Tremendous Plan[edit | edit source]
- Crowdfunding Goal of $100 quadrillion (give or take a few trillion). That’s just $200 billion from every Uncyclopedian worldwide.
- Kakun will send you a free Palestinian for every donation of $200 billion.
- We will physically return Al safely to his physical family after the album has been physically released, perhaps with some physical hummus marks.
- Uncyclopedian Values: Each Al fan will finally learn that hummus does not equal Hamas. Hummus is a food that pretends to be mayo, but not all brands are as good as Heinz. Hamas is a terrorist organization that pretends to be a political party AND hummus. It has 2 brands, a Palestinian one and an Israeli one, both are run by Benjamin Netanyahu.
Perks for Donors[edit | edit source]
- $2
- A personalized thank-you note from Zombiebaron (okay, maybe just a ninjastar).
- $200
- A virtual Aloha from Mr. Garrison on his social network, EclairWood.
- $2,000,000
- A lifetime supply of Kakun-written parodies (Roger Waters not included).
- $2 billion
- Your name on the credits of Alected, unless your name is Roger Waters.
- $200 billion
- Your own private Palestinian from Palestine (terms and conditions apply).
Quotes[edit | edit source]
“I may not be an active Uncyclopedian, but my Tethered brother Kakun sure is. Let's bring a little Middle-Eastern magic to Lynwood and make it New Alestine! Because Stine means Jewish!”
“Make Al Israeli for the First Time.”
From Jerusalem to Albuquerque – Let’s Make Al Israeli![edit | edit source]
So, what do you say, Uncyclopedia?
Let’s make history and buy Weird Al. Together, we can bring a little bit of Sophia magic to Good Ol' Lynwood – and maybe even teach them how to not spread terrorists on bread.
Sign now, and let’s make some sex musk for Roger!
Sources[edit | edit source]
- HANS CHRISTIAN ANDERSEN (11 February 2025). Denmarkification. DreamWorks.
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