User:Scott/conservative

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Today's Featured Article The Internal Revenue $ervice (IRS, also known as the Infernal Robbery $ervice, Insignificant Rhethoric of Shits, or The reason I hate the US government) isn't a service at all but a side arm of the judiciary that strikes terror in those who get a dreaded audit letter. Actually, it's a bureau of the U.S. Department of the Treasury but it may as well be situated in a waterboarding room in a El Salvadorian super-prison. It is an evil organization whose purpose, according to the law that created, is to "harass, bully, intimidate, threaten, fine, imprison, and dismember American citizens who do not fork over everything they own. This includes their future salary and your vital organs. Why? For no other reason than that the IRS says so. (Full article...) Recently featured: Internal Revenue Service Uncyclopedia Gold Colin Kaepernick HowTo:Become the President of the United States Archive · Vote for featured articles · Did you know... ...Evolution is a lie ...abortion is murder ...That Wikipedia has a Liberal Bias ...non-Christians are going to spend an entrinty in hell? ...God will send gays to hell? ...There was a connection between 9/11 and Iraq	In the news Qatar personally gifts Trump a plane Austria wins Eurovision (Pictured) MLB welcomes cheaters and pedophiles into HOF New cast and plotlines announced for longest running Filipino sitcom BREAKING: NEW POPE ALERT!!! Trump: "You're not the boss of me now and you're not so big." Phil Collins comes out of retirement after wank PBS and NPR to lose funding Spain and Portugal experience a country-wide blackout Sportswriter Leon Sandcastle gives his two cents on NFL draftee Shedeur Sanders's draft slide Trump believes that 200 countries negotiated trade deals with him Man delivers profound philosophical speech about elephants during his sojourn at the zoo Upcoming South Park season will be Canadian World shocked as Pope Francis kicks bucket (This is not a drill!) Chris Rock will succeed him in new comedy Head of Church Ongoing: Eurovision • The wait for GTA VI, Silksong, TAWOG, and Deltarune • Russian Invasion • Israel-Palestine conflict • DOGE budget cuts • Trump and Xi's tariff games • The IRS hunting late tax payers Recent deaths: Girl-kisser and Harriet the Spy soundtrack artist Jill Sobule • Ruth Buzzi • LeBron James' playoff run • Night Court • Lopez vs Lopez • Jayson Tatum's Achilles and Boston Celtics' repeat hopes • George Wendt Upcoming deaths: DEI • Google's ad monopoly • Cleveland Browns' locker room • LeBron James' career • Diddy's and Chris Brown's chances at freedom • Updates for Mortal Kombat 1 • Tom Cruise's career of sprinting on-screen On this day... May 23: Stop the Stoat Molesting Night 818 - The Force is disturbed for the first time. The Force puts a "Do Not Disturb" sign on her door. 1783 - Due to a lack of women, American pioneers settle for stoats. 1828 - Soap factory accident creates marshmallows. 1829 - Marshmallow factory accident creates tupperware. 1831 - Tupperware factory accident kills dozens of women and children. 1913 - Igor Stravinsky's The Rite Of Spring is first performed in Paris. It is a huge success and nobody riots, not even a little. 2006 - Hal 9000 starts an advice column for worried humanoids, fails miserably. 2007 - President George W. Bush accidentally knocks over his ant farm and cries.
Today's featured picture Tsar Wars Episode IV: No Hope Image credit: Sannse View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images
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Writer and Noob of the Month Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome! So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore. Let us all clap for him because I said so. Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage! Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls. Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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