User talk:Necropaxx/archive 5
 | This page is an archive. The contents have been moved from another page for reference purposes only, and should be preserved in their current form. Discussion or voting on this page is not current. Any additions you make will probably not be read. The current version of this page can be found at User talk:Necropaxx. |
Here Thou Mayest Either Praise or Curse, Whichever Doth Suit Thee.
who do you think you are?
who do you think you are telling me what i can and cant edit? ill edit whatever i wanna edit!
UnNews is looking good
tell me when its finished. --Docile hippopotamus 22:02, 4 May 2009 (UTC)
Yet another useless award
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Rabbi Techno awards you this lovely Mechanical Thing because you voted for something I wrote to be featured. Cheers! |
Unsoc
In a nutshell, tell me about UNSOC; who we are, what we do, what I am supposed to do and anything else that I should know. I noticed that I was induced as an officer, not a prole which is.. a good sign, I guess? Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 
15:16, 5 May '09
- Ok, UNSOC is an unofficial commie-themed usergroup that is dedicated (yeah, right) to doing good deeds on the wiki, such as reporting bad articles to VFD, reporting idiots to Ban Patrol, and
brainwashingpersuading new users into joining. (For a full list of accepted activities, see the "Request Zhongshan Suit" heading on the UNSOC main page.) Doing these good deeds will earn you credits, which can be used toward getting a higher rank. You can keep track of your credits in your userspace, like so: User:Mahm00shA/UNSOC credits.
- UNSOC was once really popular, but enthusiasm has since settled down. If you're OK with that, UNSOC is a fun place to get some recognition for little things you do. We hope you enjoy. Comrade out. • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} 15:28, May 5
- I see. I need moar details about keeping tracks of my own contribs and points, though. Also, yes, I noticed that UNSOC is dead, which makes me think, can it be revitalized, sorta like what SysRq did with IC? You know, with a mainpage declaration, a change in the style, in the system, anything, you know. Can we do that? Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool
15:39, 5 May '09
- That sounds like work! Also, the mainspace thing isn't going to happen. UNSOC is a usergroup, and as such it is banned from mainspace. :/
- I see. I need moar details about keeping tracks of my own contribs and points, though. Also, yes, I noticed that UNSOC is dead, which makes me think, can it be revitalized, sorta like what SysRq did with IC? You know, with a mainpage declaration, a change in the style, in the system, anything, you know. Can we do that? Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool
- For the credits thingie, you may want to take a look-see over here. It's not fancy or nothin', but it gets the job done. • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} 15:44, May 5
- mainspace? Who said mainspace? I said an ad-like declaration on mainpage.. Or better. On the NEXT unsignpost edition; the
so calledmind-blowing anniversary edition!!oneone!!! UNSOC IS BACK FROM THE DEAD WITH A NEW STYLE of sort. Just tell Gerry or something. Come on, man, dont be such a lazy defeatist bastard, get to it! Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 15:55, 5 May '09
- mainspace? Who said mainspace? I said an ad-like declaration on mainpage.. Or better. On the NEXT unsignpost edition; the
- For the credits thingie, you may want to take a look-see over here. It's not fancy or nothin', but it gets the job done. • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} 15:44, May 5
- But really, what "new style?" would we be talking about? UNSOC is Uncyclopedian Socialism, The Uncyclopedia Worker's Party, and always will be, or it wouldn't be UNSOC. Also, I didn't create it, so I'd have to run any ideas by our glorious (inactive) leader, Premier Jocke Pirat. And if that's not enough, I'm pretty sure the latest UnSignpost is burstin' at the seams already. • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} 16:02, May 5
- whatever, bro. Whatever. Now, go add socky Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 16:08, 5 May '09
- Yes! I'm in! But why SOAUU? —Sir Socky
(talk) (stalk)
GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 16:28, 5 May 2009 (UTC)
- Also, do previous edits count for gaining credits? —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 16:58, 5 May 2009 (UTC)
- Yes! I'm in! But why SOAUU? —Sir Socky
- whatever, bro. Whatever. Now, go add socky Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool
- But really, what "new style?" would we be talking about? UNSOC is Uncyclopedian Socialism, The Uncyclopedia Worker's Party, and always will be, or it wouldn't be UNSOC. Also, I didn't create it, so I'd have to run any ideas by our glorious (inactive) leader, Premier Jocke Pirat. And if that's not enough, I'm pretty sure the latest UnSignpost is burstin' at the seams already. • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} 16:02, May 5
Promotion
Last time I counted, I had 131 credits. Can I promote myself or is there some other policy? —Sir Socky
(talk) (stalk)
GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 15:23, 7 May 2009 (UTC)
- oh, I dont count, myself Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 15:25, 7 May '09
Phanks!
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"Joshy, what do you say to all the nice boys and girls...?" Uh… Oh yeah thanks! Mrs Peterson said that I had to thank you all for voting on my story, even if you do all have stupid names. Daddy read it too and then he told me that he lied about the sharks as well as his hands being tied up! Mummy gave him a row though so it’s ok now. But now I want to know what the men and women who fight the boy-eating sharks do! Dandelion thinks they’re bankers. |
Glad you liked it! :D Also, wow, what a compliment dude! Anybody'd think you were flirting. ;) ~Orian57~ 
~Talk~ 
22:26 6 May 2009
Hey
It's that time again! YAY WHORING!!!--
Whore cHeDDaR 
01:15,7May,2009
Free Stuff
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While I was over at the Googleplex researching History of Google I managed to grab a load of these promotional t-shirts. Here's one for you because you voted for the article on VFH! Model not included. Thankyou from Rabbi Techno |
The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost is proud to present its 1st Anniversary Special
You'd be crazy not to listen!
May 5th, 2009 • First Anniversary Issue! • Disdaining news in favour of blatant self-promotion
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Self-Proclaimed Greatest Newspaper on the Wiki Reaches First Birthday
  The early issues were churned out at a great rate by the founding editors, and Cajek was so enthused by the project that he suggested to Skullthumper that they should move to a twice-weekly release - fortunately, this suggestion was shot down in flames by the doc, or the paper may never have celebrated a second month, let alone a full year! Skullthumper was first to leave the Signpost behind for pastures new, perhaps feeling his work was already done. Looking back nostalgically now at those heady early days, Skull exclusively observed: "Well! Working on the UnSignpost in the beginning was a really fun experience, not gonna lie. Cajek and I were both super excited about it. I'm glad it existed through to today, entirely by the help of other people. The setup was seriously the most fun part. We had NO clue what we were doing, we were experimenting with formatting, content, and a bot that only worked half the time. To summarize: It kicked ass. I had no idea it was about a year ago that it started."  With only Cajek powering it, the Signpost forged onwards, but was beginning to run into troubled waters - even Cajek's legendary enthusiasm was beginning to founder, and when he began to struggle for time, he asked DJ Irreverent to take the helm. We asked Cajek for a nostalgic comment about the Signpost, but he was unavailable, so instead here's a random line from one of his articles: "Also, don't be surprised if you go to jail for what society deems "gross", "horrible", and "Satanic": it's all part of being an ant keeper... and an ant "watcher"". The DJ managed to steady the ship (how long can we sustain this metaphor?), but struggled to handle the torch he'd been passed by his adopter (looks like we didn't sustain it very long - never mind!). Asked to comment on this turbulent period, the DJ exclusively remarked: "I dropped said torch like a ton of bricks as a good child should always do. I could not take on the family business, I needed to dance. Anyway, I wrote about 2 articles".  So the pattern of users taking over the paper, only to burn out and abandon it again was becoming well established. Next in the editor's chair was UU, who lasted about 6 issues, before becoming so overwhelmed by the pressures of the paper that he went and got married in order to have a good excuse to get away from it for a few weeks. Recalling those halcyon days, UU told us exclusively: "I love the Signpost, and have had a great time working on it. It does get in the way of writing real articles though, as some users might testify, and it can be a pain to come up with stories each week - hopefully this issue might spark a few people to put some more ideas in the press room".  Fortunately, UU had taken the foresighted step of questioning the staying power of one Gerrycheevers in a previous issue's "comeback of the week" box, and Gerry was so determined to prove he had what it took, that he took over the paper while UU swanned off around the world. Cheevers's time at the helm brought such classic issues as the all-kitten issue, and his exclusive dewy-eyed remembrances run thusly: "I'm proud for having successfully stolen this periodical from Cajek and Skull, and I look forward to many more years of turning forums into news stories, dredging up old features that nobody cares about, and of course making tedious Cajek ban jokes. I also demand a raise and Cajek's office!"  Unfortunately, Cheevers's staying power lived up to UU's expectations, and Gerry took another small break. UU returned to the paper, and frantically enlisted contributions from the likes of Orian57 and Heerenveen to keep the wheels of news turning smoothly. Asked for comment on his input, Orian exclusively told us: "It's a been a great help in bonding together this community. And it's made things more interesting, what with everyone trying to do news worthy things just to get their names in the paper. Or something, I can't manufacture funny under pressure and this is pressure because you're gonna put this in the paper just to humiliate me now, aren't you?". Hv, meanwhile, exclusively commented: "It's amazing that our wonderful newspaper has lasted for so long, especially when you figure Gerrycheevers has been fully back on board since early this year, UU is still hanging around in between banning people and huffing stuff, and with other contributors still pitching in, plus a plentiful supply of Cajek bans to use as padding (see next story), it looks like the immediate future of the paper is in Wish we'd gotten a quote from Cajek though. Bastard. Cajek 100 Ban Extravaganza During the very same week that Uncyclopedia's most well-known journalism source (suck it, UnNews!) celebrates its first birthday with much cake and punch, one of its co-founders achieved his own personal milestone by being banned for the one hundredth time. Rumors of making Cajek an admin when he reached the milestone have thus far not proven to be true, although he may have magically gained sysop powers upon entering triple-digit territory and we just won't know it until he comes back from wherever he's hiding in a hailstorm of admin-related activity (whatever it is that they do). The milestone was reached largely thanks to users such as Sockpuppet of an unregistered user, who took to the streets in a grassroots effort to raise awareness, and Gerrycheevers, who went directly to certain sysops with demonstrably active bansticks pleading for a "Cajek-whooping." The landmark 100th ban was achieved yesterday, with the good Dr. Skullthumper blocking Cajek with an expiry time of "a milestone". The UnSignpost would like to congratulate Cajek, and also plead for his return. Cajek was unavailable for comment, and this reporter was once again chased off of the grounds of the Cajek Mansion, this time by the abstract philosophical concept of existentialism. From the desk of the Cabal Special
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Hand-delivered by —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 18:36, 7 May 2009 (UTC)
WE WANNA TALK!
GoaTseMail- Your number one webmail in the Filipino Empire and Wikiland!
Dear Necropaxx,
We want to merge the Goa Tse Temple with Unsoc. How about that. You can have all the shit you want, for nothing. Either that you merge Unsoc with us, or you can simply continue with you evil mastermind plans to brainwash people and we will expose it. We don't mind which.
If you accept or deny the offer, please contact us.
Yours sincerely,
|Si Plebius Dato' Joe ang Kyurem CUN|IC Kill 
| 11:17, 8 May 2009 (UTC)
Head Priest of Goa Tse Temple, Karanakhston, Kanto.
P.S. Haven't had anyone on my user group for weeks. I definately needed a merge.
- With all due respect, Joe, I don't think a merge would benefit either of us. If you want to "expose" us, go right ahead, we need the publicity. If you're looking for people on your usergroup, don't look at UNSOC. Right now, I'd wager we have about 3 active users, myself included. Plus, I don't own UNSOC (I just run it.). UNSOC belongs to Jocke Pirat and as such all requests must go by him. (He's inactive.)
Bgaaaah!
Thank you for supporting my recently featured article.
And no, I have no intention of changing this template any time soon.
—Sir Guildensternenstein
Hey
I reviewed Antbortion, and i'm also seriously hoping that you rewrite it-I love the title. Hope you fine it helpful! Saber for ROTM Saberwolf116 22:03, 12 May 2009 (UTC)
A MEESAGE FROM THE FILIPINO EMPIRE
From GoaTseMail- your number one webmail in the Glorious Motherland of the Filipino Empire!
Dear Necropaxx,
Goa Tse Clan is good, along with the Filipino Empire (FilEmp). Anyway, here's the International in Chinese. The English one will be sent soon. Would you use this in UNSOC?
Here it is:
From your Benevolent Majesty of the Filipino Empire,
|Si Plebius Dato' Joe ang Kyurem CUN|IC Kill | 08:06, 14 May 2009 (UTC)
- YouTube is blocked from the computers I use. Plus, why am I on GoaTseMail? • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} 15:09, May 14
UnSignpost May 14th
Th-the m-m-most con-confident new-Newspaper in a wh-while
May 14th, 2009 • Issue 47 • And you will know our name is the UnSignpost when we lay our news upon you!
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Wales Speaks Exclusively to UnSignpost!
 When pressed on these vital issues, Jimbo confided to us: "You kids get offa my pipe! Now, where's my lawn?" These are words that every user will interpret in their own special way - Jimbo, like all great orators, has the ability to make profound pronouncements that each and every listener will put their own unique spin on, so that it seems he is talking to them alone. Whatever pearl of wisdom you find in this oracular utterance, we are sure it is exactly what you were intended to find. Crowning Acheevement
Rules < Funny: The Essay
 Is it a Usergroup if there are no Users Grouped in it?
 In January 2009, archaeologists from the Philippines dug through the ruins of the usergroups and found compelling evidence that there is still a small amount of activity in the UNSOC group, whose interim leader Necropaxx was heard to observe "UNSOC has about 3 or so active users right now; we just keep that gigantic list to inflate our numbers". The non-existent Cabal have not made any comment about this being a dastardly plan of theirs to ensure the "golden Age" of Uncyclopedia 2005-2007 remains sacrosanct. Because they don't exist, obviously. |
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Hand-delivered by —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 18:50, 15 May 2009 (UTC)
Der Unwehr
Check this out, and join if you really want to: User:Guildensternenstein/Der Unwehr —Sir Guildensternenstein 21:25, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
Thanks!
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The doctor will see you now Oh, by the way, before we begin todays session, I'd like to thank you for supporting my recent featured article. |
Cheers
Just to say thanks for voting for my article, which was featured! Woo! I don't have a template to say Thanks or anything like that, maybe you could just imagine the one above again. Except this time from me. --Nameable 20:08, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
UnSignpost May 21st
The Newspaper With Love In Every Paragraph!
May 21st, 2009 • Issue 48 • I've seen news you... people wouldn't believe
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Glorious Cajek return story
 People disappearing, people reappearing, people with little time on their hands, bots unavailable  In the mean time, fortunately, several other users have made glorious returns to Uncyclopedia. As documented elsewhere, a Cajek is apparently back and doing stuff. MNM5150 has been doing some things around places, mostly the forums. Readmesoon has been spotted at VFH and a few talkpages. Yettie has been sporadically active. And Todd Lyons has been doing more stuff recently than he was doing less recently.  A lot of users seem to be unable to contribute as their work/school requires them to spend their time on "useful" things. The more young adult users/little kids seem to be struggling with certain "finals", like Mahm00shA for instance. SysRq appears to be working on his graduation. Statistics show that Hyperbole's activity has been rather low, but recently increased dramatically. For how long this trend will continue is uncertain. UU has been here intermittently, but keeps proclaiming himself to be "busy". He commented "I don't have time. In fact, I may not even have time for banning and deleting today, things are going fucking nuts! [...] I have teetering mounds of work, and nowhere near enough time! Arrrrrgh! (I almost feel a second exclamation mark coming on, but nothing's that bad...)" He then proved himself to be a big fat liar by editing this story and various other bits of the UnSignpost.  Additionally, while Wikipedia is being overrun by bots, they seem to have gone completely extinct on Uncyclopedia. This has led to our beloved Socky becoming partly mechanized in order to fill the role of paperbot. However, he is currently planning to get his bot operational so he won't have to tire his arse off every week. Porn! Porn! Pr0n!
 There has been somewhat of a controversy as of lately about the existence of supposed pornographic images on Uncyclopedia. Some support the view "Only if it's funny.", while others say "Meh." The controversy led Orian57 to put all his gay porn on QVFD. Optimuschris was quoted saying "I don't know what the fuss is all about, there's no porn on Uncyclopedia!" The discussion seems to have concluded in something like "If it's really bothering you and isn't funny in any way, delete it!" Mnbvcxz might also want to add that pictures showing prominent nudity could give rise to some legal issues, though he wasn't actually available for comment, so we can't really be sure. Usergroups! Usergroups! Usergroups!
 War is raging in usergroup land. IC, suffering major losses, has been grinded to a halt and was forced into defensive strategy, regressing to trench warfare. But UNSOC, with masses of new recruits, has declared an all out war against any potential competition. Meanwhile, a new powerful group has arisen, Der Unwehr, and they have established themselves as a force to be reckoned with. The Goa Tse Clan has gone into hiding and remains a mystery to most Uncyclopedians. "The End" is being foretold once more
Since this UnSignpost issue almost didn't make it to the press, it was inevitable that there would be foretellings of "The End" and it being "near". On Forum:Count to a million, Orian57 was found stating "we could all die [...] then how stupid would we look?" A lot of users made somewhat eccentric speculations on how several issues were related to this "impending doom". Multiliteralist, Cajek and Optimuschris posted the following "articles" in response to a request to write something for the UnSignpost. Porn and the impending doom As we all know, the impending doom to all good things is caused by porn. This vile practice of drawing pictures of naked women has spread so wide among our young men that it is almost impossible to get them to do anything else. User groups and the impending doom
No wai, the impending doom is caused by user groups! Impending doom and porn
Our porn! The usergroups are coming, and with them...impending doom! Treasure these last few mumble with your porn for the end is nigh! First person article about porn and impending doom I was in a usergroup, watching porn. Suddenly I understood watching porn in a usergroup would do nothing against the impending doom. I got rather stuck, and forgot the reason. Later, I forgot about the impending doom as well. That's what watching porn in a usergroup will do to you. Suddenly I understood: if you are the first person in a usergroup, nobody can make you watch porn. My advice
The perfect solution to problems with porn, usergroups, and the impending doom Form your own usergroup and make others watch porn! |
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Brought to you by —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 22:31, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
Thanks
Thank you for supporting Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater.
To show my appreciation, I'd like to eat your snake.
—Guildensternenstein
(template courtesy of CheddarBBQ) —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 15:54, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
VFH
You voted against my HowTo:Become a king on VFH. Please change your vote, for God's sake, Ive been here for 4 months now, I havent pulled a single fucking feature yet, and Im still a fucking MUN. Please, reconsider and vote for.. I know the article may be lame, but I need a fucking feature.. Thanks :( Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 10:24 May 26 '09
- please? Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 23:04 May 26 '09
Dude, face it. This wasn't your best writing. I've voted for your other stuff purely on their merits. And you ain't seen nothin'. I joined in April and didn't get my first feature until September. So suck it up and write good stuff. • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} 15:04, May 27
- December 07 is when I joined, d idn't get a feature until July. And then four this month. Just thought I'd say. ~Orian57~
~Talk~ 
20:35 27 May 2009
- oh well. Im happy to know that I am not the only fail here :) Also, hi onion69! Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 21:10 May 27 '09
- oh well. Im happy to know that I am not the only fail here :) Also, hi onion69! Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool
- December 07 is when I joined, d idn't get a feature until July. And then four this month. Just thought I'd say. ~Orian57~
Advice Needed
Hey there. I was just getting my scrapbook in order, saving the vote history for Middle-Aged Suburban White Guy Rap, when I noticed your comment about UnTunes:I Like Cats (The Other White Meat). Do you think it's still featureable? UnTunes is kind of dying, and I'd like to spark some interest in it, but I don't have the time to record anything new (even UnNews Audio is iffy most days). I know the song is being played out in the wild (tracked via my last.fm account), but I wonder if other Uncyclopedians would enjoy it? --T. (talk) 13:37, 28 May 2009 (UTC)
- Well, I don't know for certain, but I like it and would love to see it featured. I've got the song on my MP3 and can never stop laughing when Clem starts garbling. I'll nom it now, and we'll see how it goes, shall we? • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} 15:04, May 28
- Hey Todd (loins loins loins!!!)! I've been looking to write another UnTune (first one being here with Sissy on vocals) Got any ideas for songs worthy/deserving of parody (doubt if I could write from scratch as I know nothing about music). ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 15:32 28 May 2009
- Thanks Necropaxx. :) As far as song parody ideas Orion, I have none at the moment. Most of my song parodies are originals. (Of course, when I say 'most' I mean 2 of the 3 I've uploaded.) But the one I covered by John Denver was just a freak impulse to corrupt something romantic into something just the opposite. And I haven't had one of those since. :) And when I'm someplace more quiet, I've got to hear that song of yours... --T. (talk) 15:53, 28 May 2009 (UTC)
UnSignpost! May 28th, 2009
Better sign it.
May 28th, 2009 • Issue 49 • The kind of news your momma warned you about
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Going Portal
 What, some of you may ask, are portal pages? Well, rather than have us explain it laboriously for you (because that sounds like, you know, effort), why not take a look at the following highly sexy portals: Politics; Games; Science; History and Art. And with more to come including the intriguing concept of a Quaint portal from Cajek, one thing's for sure: there has recently been an increase in the number of portals on Uncyclopedia. What? Nile and Nile related articles invade Uncyclopedia!  We also asked the wealthy Egyptian and Babylonian antique collector Mr. Great Lung Sphincter of Nebuchadnezzar the 1st to comment and he exclusively replied: "Nile doesn't have any power. Now the Tigris-Euphrates, that's a different story". Not only does this tell us that the Tigris-Euphrates conspiracy theorists are cooler than Nile conspiracists, but that Nile could not invade Uncyclopedia even if they wanted to, and you should be afraid of the Tigris-Euphrates conspiracy theorists - very afraid. To sum it up, there is no Nile and Nile related articles invasion of Uncyclopedia, just as there is no cabal. |
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The only newspaper to be delivered by MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 19:38, 28 May 2009 (UTC)
I hereby...
...award you 2 Points for your Antbortion rewrite. Keep in mind you can just edit the chart yourself--certainly makes my life a lot easier. You are now a Leutnant. Have a good day. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 04:55, 29 May 2009 (UTC)
A desperate plea
Look, I know you're a Mormon, but could you push the envelope a little more, please? Writing about swarms of insects eating babies in the womb and making fun of 9/11 are a little... 1954 if you know what I mean. (Great article!) • <2:17 May 30, 2009>
Special Points
Yes, I did give them those Points. I would like to preface everything by saying that Der Unwehr is about improving the site in general, not simply rewriting articles. I recently upped the number of Points for writing/rewriting articles per a suggestion from Cheddar, of all people (the comment can be found on my talkpage, and the new point tabualation can found on Der Unwehr page). Considering that writing/rewriting an article is now 2 Points, and that 12 Points is the new maximum one can get for one article (should it make a Top 10 of the Year), I think 5 Points is a perfectly reasonable reward for creating, running, and maintaining a portal for one's entire Uncyclopedia career, especially considering that it's a very major aspect of improving the site, which is the whole purpose of Der Unwehr. Plus, it's not like I'm just giving these things out willy-nilly--only for things that improve the site. Socky's going to win UotM by a landslide, and I wasn't planning on giving him any Special Points reward, because it has nothing to do with site improvement. If it weren't for this whole portal thing--which will soon be over--this whole "Special Points" thing wouldn't be an issue, because I probably wouldn't have given out any (except to CheddarBBQ, who made all of Der Unwehr's templates, and did a pretty fucking good job if I do say so). If you're peeved about this whole "Special Points" thing, I'm sorry, but keep in mind that Der Unwehr is mostly (though not entirely) about writing/rewriting articles, and that the seeming absurd number of "Special Points" I've been giving out is due entirely to A) the portals, and B) Cheddar making the templates. Seeing as both are either through or on their way to being through very soon, look for the number of Special Points I give out to all but cease. I hope this answers your question. Message me if it didn't. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 02:54, 30 May 2009 (UTC)
- And--if it's any further consolation--your Antbortion article's really good. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 03:02, 30 May 2009 (UTC)
Thanks!
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I just came by to thank all you. Because you did something I like to see in this newer generation, and that's appreciating those of us on the wrong side of 50. These days, getting featured isn't as easy as it used to be. Why, back in my day any ol' whippersnapper could throw something together and put it on the front page. Not anymore, not anymore at all. So I am glad to see myself on the front page of the good ol' wiki before I die. I guess its nothing big, but oh well. Anyways, I got to get back to helping Elmo now, so I better get going (he thinks his dresser is trying to kill him again.) |
Tagstit talk contribs awards 17:50, 31 May 2009 (UTC)
Thanks!
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Thanks for voting Socky Uncyclopedian of the Month | 
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| Mere words cannot express my gratitude, so I'm giving you this beautiful sock star as well. |
—Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 11:07, 1 June 2009 (UTC)
Hey, mate!
Thanks for the "Massive for" at reviewer of the month. I really appreciate how you compared me to the greatest of reviewing. It makes me feel like I am doing really well! Thanks for the vote of confidence. Staircase CUNt 06:06, 3 June 2009 (UTC)
- No thanks needed, just keep up those amazingly in-depth reviews! • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} 15:19, Jun 3
- Alright. It actually isn't that hard to go that in=depth, you just need to read all of it a few times to make sure noticed everything and have thought of good ways they could improve the bad things. Staircase CUNt 20:28, 3 June 2009 (UTC)
At last
You gived your voice to make za interfiew on za front page. So I want to say sank you... Want to see my brobelor? I also take you to za byramids and show you good time, and for you only 10 American dollars. No, wait! Come back! I want money! What do I tell to little Ahmad when he says ya baba, get food?...
21:49 June 3 '09
UnSignpost June 4th, 2009
Telling You Stuff You Already Knew, But With Different Words!
June 4th, 2009 • Issue 50 • I love the smell of news in the morning!
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Todd not Lionised by all?
 Lyons himself was deeply touched by the tribute, exclusively telling the USP: "I'm a bit surprised (though not touched, like the WotM nomination this month), because I generally shy away from the snappy/nasty ban summaries that would guarantee me a spot in the UnSignpost. Really, RDB is my #1 pick for this, and richly deserves to have a hate group on Facebook (if not several dozen by now). :) Second, if I had any insecurities that I'd lost my touch with the ban hammer after being on hiatus, they're gone. The arm's feeling great. The surgery seems to have been a 100% success. I'm feeling good that I'll be able to finish out the season and hopefully garner some interest as a bureaucrat when I become a free agent this fall." The group's creator was unavailable for comment, probably due to being banned. Comings and Goings As you may or may not have noticed, there recently seems to be a flurry of returns and hiatuses (hiati?) on this silly wiki that some of us like to call Uncyclopedia. This could be due to a number of things: the end of the school year and thus the end of studying and finals; the summer season causing new and strange emotions in internet comedy writers; the revolving door recently installed at the Uncyclopedia headquarters. Regardless of the reason, those returning have been 'welcomed', and those leaving have been warned that their userpages will be mercilessly vandalized should their vacation extend overly long. Popular aquatic creature user Finnius claims to have returned. His contributions since returning have thus far been limited to announcing his return in the forum (as required by Uncyclopedia Bylaw #435), but the Unsignpost is confident of a return laced with quality pee and other, less pungent useful contributions. The elusive Cajek, a mythical creature once thought to exist only in the surreal dreams of squirrels, has returned gloriously upon the back of a giant squirrel. So at least some part of the myth was true. Take that, science! Other returns include Dexter111344 after a brief hiatus and Gouncyclopedia!, who evaded a years-long block to announce his return in the forums (UB435 again). Perhaps the most noted of all, faithful new dog Dognewspaper returns from a one-month hiatus to appear in this story. Other users have seen a decline or all-out drop-off in their contribution level. SysRq remains on an indefinite hiatus. Gerrycheevers has seen his number of edits dwindle as of late. MrN9000 is still among the missing. Codeine is apparently gone as well, and Necropaxx will be losing his precious internet. We bid these users to hurry back, lest their userpages and works be smited with the hammer of pointless vandalism. |
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Delievered by Saberwolf116 01:47, 5 June 2009 (UTC)
Ooh look! A template has appeared!
CHEERS!
Why, thank you for voting for my recently featured article. It's nice to know that you also enjoy laughing at gullible people getting their comeuppance. You're obviously as funny in the head as me!
(Not that you're funny in the head or anything.
Well, you are a bit. But in a good way, I promise!)
Nameable 16:12, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
=) Nameable ((mumble)) 09:05, 6 June 2009 (UTC)
Award
BLUE SCROTUM AWARD
Which is given to those who have demonstrated remarkably excellent judgement,
impeccable good taste and faultless, all-encompassing wisdom
(by doing something like voting for ME to win WotM).
Well done and thankyou, from Rabbi Techno.
Preemptive Thanks
Thank you for supporting my recently featured article.
(Though it hasn’t actually been featured yet.)
—Guildy
UnSignpost June 11th/12th/whatever
The Newspaper Not Secretly Controlled By Mordillo, We Swear!
June 11th, 2009 • Issue 51 • Also available in convenient suppository form!
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"Uncyclopedia Worst, Boys Smelly" Declares User  In a move that shocked the Uncyclopedia community, female user Kamikazewatermelon09 this week posted a topic in the lovable Pancake House of Benson. The shocking part of the incident was that an actual girl visited Uncyclopedia. Hooray! Our numerous virgin users can now cross off 'make contact with a woman (without giving a credit card number) over the internet, phone, or via smoke signal' from the list of steps towards achieving manhood. Though we can't help you with that face-to-face stuff...we hear that genre of contact is terrifying. The content of the post was too lengthy and riddled with cooties for the male, attention span deficient UnSignpost editors to actually read. Furthermore, the UnSignpost Executive Board refuses to add cootie insurance to the UnSignpost employee health plan. However, resident awesome potatochopper and known girl Sonje was recruited to read the message and react as if she had been asked a clever question by a hypothetical handsome UnSignpost reporter. From her exclusive comments, it seems that the topic poster was disappointed in the vulgarity and immaturity displayed by many of our gentlemen users. "I find the crassness rather endearing," Sonje responded, "in moderation." So, the moral of the story is: the users who really count will forgive us our occasional desire to cuss a blue streak or upload some boob-related images. So...go nuts! Cabal Criticism of the Week
 This week, lead Cabalist Mordillo blocked The Wizard Of Oz with an expiry time of Judgement Day, and did not provide a reason for the epic pwning. We here at the UnSignpost would like to call out Mordillo on this lack of explanation. Not as a courtesy to the user, which he certainly did not earn through his insertions of a weird version of a California article into several unseeming places. No, we would like to know why Mordillo did not take advantage of an opportunity that was ripe with comedic potential. Surely this poor soul's username could have resulted in a ban reason referencing shiny red shoes or flying monkeys? A statement concerning the location of the user being a place that is not Kansas? We would have settled for a measly 'looking for a brain' line. But instead, you left us hanging, Mordillo. We'd like to officially call you on it, and we take comfort in knowing that though you can ban the editors, and you can ban our freedom, you can never ban the UnSignpost. Though, on second thought, you could delete it. |
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I think I'm going crazy. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 13:04, 12 June 2009 (UTC)
Much Appreciated
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YOU ARE LOVED! And in appreciation for your donation to The Billy Graham Evangelistic Association I am sending a sign of my personal love for you — your very own polyester prayer handkerchief, suitable for wiping the tears of joyous revelation. ~ B. G. |
Hello, My Former Adopter!
Hi there! I am currently rewriting Small Vietnamese restaurants, which is similar in tone to your article on toasters. Would you be interested in collaboration?--You know what the music means... Our time is up. 01:56, 15 June 2009 (UTC)
- Thanks for thinking of me, Music, but I don't know anything about the subject matter. :/ Seriously. I've never been to one of those. But I think you could make it good. So don't let me hold you back. Do your own thing. • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} 21:48, Jun 17
Thanks thank tank (again-again!)
Orian57 Talk 
00:29 16 June 2009
UnSignpost! June 18th/19th!
Telling You Stuff You Already Knew, But With Different Words!
June 18th, 2009 • Issue 52 • Thinly sliced news, between two slices of humor, with lettuce and hollandaise sauce
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Votes for Sandwiches Officially Opens  This week, Votes for Sandwiches was established by Uncyclopedia Internetist and Lead Executive of Sandwiches, Spang. Previously some sort of secret cabal hazing page, lead cabalists have thrown the doors of VFS open to reveal thinly sliced meats on a variety of breads. Or they would have, if the cabal existed, which it doesn't. Official Cabal Spokesman Mordillo exclusively explained the new feature best: "The cabal, as part of its never-ending efforts to assert its all-consuming control over the citizenry, has now introduced voting for sandwiches. Each editor will be required to eat the elected sandwiches for the entire following month. Members of the cabal will closely observe voter's decisions to make sure that no vile sandwiches, such as BAKED BEANS ON TOAST WITH MELTED CHEESE, will be chosen. That's just vile. Editors will not be allowed to protest over the "democratically" "chosen" "sandwich". We're not Iran." Reactions to the new voting page were mixed. Some users were excited for the opportunity to express their fondness towards various lunches, provided that those lunches are a sandwich. "I'm glad that sandwiches, a comedy staple due to their low-priced nature and assembly so simple that even a writer can construct one, are finally getting their due on Uncyclopedia," said resident criminology term Modusoperandi. Others were not so supportive of the move, and point to recent disturbing trends since the introduction of VFS, the most disturbing being the raiding of the fridge in the Uncyclopedia break room and the subsequent theft of all sandwiches. Well, maybe not all sandwiches, but one specifically marked "gerry's. do not eat." So far no group has claimed responsibility for this act of sandwich-related terrorism. I will find you, you little punk! And when I do, you're making me another sandwich! Comebacks! Only $19.95! Call Now! 
Following a month and a half hiatus, resident VFD overlord and prince of pants MrN9000 is alleged to have returned to the wiki. According to reliable sources, MrN was spotted responding to his talk page and maintaining QVFD, among various other tasks. What other things he may do remains to be seen. We do know, however, that he has been welcomed warmly by the community, with Mordillo giving him the brand new nickname "fucker" and various users bestowing an award of reliability on him. BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE! Call Now And Get 2 for the Price Of 1! 
Following in MrN's robotically symmetrical footsteps was noted keyboard component SysRq. After many weeks of inactivity, Sys has returned to once again putter the Imperial Colonization ship around Uncyclopedia Harbor. He has described his goals as "re-assimilate as best I can" and "Go to hell, Dex". We would like to welcome both of these users back to the loving Uncyclopedia family, and urge them to GET BACK TO WORK!! Things Brewing In IRC People are yelling at each other, stalking each other, and randomly talking to one another. What I am talking about is, of course, IRC, the highly controversial melting pot of Uncyclopedia, where users of all stands, races, and levels of activity can talk about unimportant issues. It has recently come to our attention that ruthless battles were being fought on the fields of IRC. Our correspondent decided to check things out for himself. He was confronted with gay dinosaurs, Star Wars references and general dickery. Though this one time visit cannot render a clear view of the complex nature of IRC, it might give us a glimpse into the mind of the common IRCer. The dark, mysterious character of IRC remains. |
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You'd think I'd learn that this isn't fun to do... Oh well. MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 19:39, 19 June 2009 (UTC)
Moar Feature Thankies
Orian57 Talk 13:03 22 June 2009
FU
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on behaf of the FU gradjewating class of 2009 we the stewdents of the Fackulty of Agrickulchur awnors program wish to xpres our sinsear appreesheashun for yer suporting a desent edjewcashun for peepul like us hoo mite haf utherwize ended up in jail for growin pot or sumthin which we wood of like only did just for medical use cuz we herd that Flin Flon, Manitoba needed help cuz they coodnt keep up with deman anymor ~ Ricky, Bubbles & Julian |
Party Member
I nominated you! —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 14:13, 27 June 2009 (UTC)
Unsignpost! June 25th or 30th
Now Delivered Trendily Late!
June 25th, 2009 • Issue 53 • The newspaper that steals other newspapers' lunch money
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Users Campaign to Delete Vast Portions of Uncyclopedia  Several users have recently begun campaigns to rid Uncyclopedia of some of its oldest, cruftiest, stalest content, or so they would have you believe. We at the UnSignpost aren't here to report anything other than the facts, including but not limited to: opinions, speculation, and pictures of cats with funny captions. First on the chopping block was the Timeline series. This group of articles apparently chronicles the made-up version of history as recorded by people who aren't very funny. Dr. Skullthumper has taken the lead in the crusade against this unholy document, and reactions on the wiki were, as usual, mixed. Some users supported the good doctor, while others appreciated his sentiment but enjoyed the crisp, fresh smell of proper procedure much better. Noted deletionist Gwax made an appearance in order to streamline the effort to remove all of the unfunniness from the timeline, and he has been joined by several other users seeking to improve rather than delete the entire project. Next in line for the guillotine was Uncyclopedia's longest-running and only soap opera, The Young and the Uncyclopedians. At the head of this movement is prominent murderous amphibian Thekillerfroggy, who made such bold claims as "Vanity, sir!" and "Words words words!" As this project is not merely a page but an entire slew of pages, it was rejected by the Uncyclopedia Deletion Tribunal, but further actions may be in the works. When reached for comment about the situation, Uncyclopedia founder Chronarion responded, "AAAAAAAA!!!!" Usefulness of IP Contributions Called Into Question...Again The question of whether or not we should allow IPs to edit our precious humor wiki has been raised yet again, this time by plucky Der Unwehr founder Guildensternenstein. UnSignpost reporters were baffled by the concept of what an IP was, until it was explained that it is some sort of automatic vandalism robot designed to troll websites, post vanity, and ensure all articles make the proper amount of references to Chuck Norris. The debate raged fiercely, with many users falling on either side of the so-called "IP line". One camp decided that the contributions from these entities did more harm than good to the community and its collection of humor. The opposing faction took up the opposite view: that IP editors were harmless and at worst an annoyance. Modusoperandi, the lead counsel for the IP defense team, made several compelling arguments, most notably the case that IPs are adorable and thus harmless. In the end, it was decided that IP editing is something we must live with, mostly because Conservapedia doesn't allow it, and we don't want to be any more like them than we already are. When reached for comment about the situation, Uncyclopedia founder Chronarion responded, "AAAAAAAA!!!!" |
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We're not late you're just high! Orian57 Talk 14:16 30 June 2009
Ta!
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I, Orian57, extend my grattitude for (of?) your vote on WotM! No but seriously, guys. Thanks, it means something to me, more than it should probably. |
Also I never thanked you properly for nomming Left 4 Dead. I'm glad you liked it but like teh against comments and the review it's a bit shit. I may work on it sometime if I get a rainy day but I'm just glad it's better than the total cruft that was there before. :) Orian57 Talk 12:24 1 July 2009
UnSignpost: July 2nd, 2009
Because Uncyclopedia is no laughing matter.
July 2nd, 2009 • Issue 54 • The newspaper with the name that's an anagram of "stop using n"
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The Young and The Uncyclopedians Cancelled After enjoying a long-running career and several writer changes, Uncyclopedia's fabled soap opera The Young and the Uncyclopedians was cancelled this week. And by "cancelled" we mean totally owned by Thekillerfroggy. It seems TKF finally had enough, and spent nearly an hour systematically deleting the entire series, which previously contained over 60% of all content in the UnScripts namespace. The newly freed electrons, no longer required for TYATU, can now be used for other Uncyclopedia-related tasks, such as boron smelting, and they may even be used to form a sort of crude bot that can edit The count to a million project automatically. Not content with merely obliterating the entire series, Thekillerfroggy apparently became bored halfway through his holy crusade, and decided to get creative in the deletion summaries. As can be seen in a memorial erected by what is presumed to be a jilted fan of the show, TKF nostalgized and ranted, remembered and forgot, loved and lost, all while expressing his inner thoughts through the medium of deletion summaries. An example can be seen at the very end of his effort, where Thekillerfroggy writes: "Sigh./Well here's the home stretch/It's been real/We've had some good times/some bad times/But in the end/All we are is dust in the wind/So goodnight, sweet prince/Farewell TYATU/Fin." Reactions on the wiki were, as usual, mixed. Some users held a candlelight vigil in userspace, where some of the episodes have been resurrected in a zombie-like form. Entertainment editor DogNewspaper (pictured) wagged his tail, perhaps expressing hope that one day a new soap opera, sitcom, or crime investigation show featuring Uncyclopedia editors would once again grace this site. We can only dream... Main Page Suffers Spasms of Dickery  If you logged onto the Main Page sometime on July 2nd between 2:00 and 3:00 GMT (and if you can't figure out what time that is where you live, then don't expect us to provide it for you, we're not a bloody watch!), you may have noticed some subtle changes. Instead of the usual Wikipedia-like format, with carefully organized features, news stories, anniversaries, and vital information, you may or may not have found...something else. You may or may not have found an intruiging offer to reffer freinds to take some sort of mp3-player related actions. You may or may not have found some sort of story with a vague theme of respecting one's elders, and everything about those elders, and we do mean everything. You may or may not have found some sort of strange mix of the two that left you with conflicting feelings. These feelings may or may not have included, but not been limited to: fear, anger, jealousy, confusion, fear again, and a vague sensation of falling. The admins responsible for this will not be named here, due to their next probable course of action in the case in which we did mention them, which would most likely be something along the lines of turning every UnSignpost issue into a Euroipod, whatever that is. The only thing we can report on is that the shenanigans ended just over an hour after they began, with the Main Page being restored to its previous false information-rich state. However, this episode shows us that it will never be safe from the hijinks of that group of admins, who, again, will not be named. |
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Thanks
Thank you for supporting my recently featured article.
Your support is greatly appreciated.
—Guildy
UnSignpost 9th July 2009
The Newspaper the Whole Family Must Enjoy!
July 9th, 2009 • Issue 55• Help! I'm trapped in a newspaper printer!
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Survivor returns to Uncyclopedia after almost two years
In late 2007, a man by the name of Leoispotter had the idea to bring his favorite reality show to Uncyclopedia. Thus, the first season of UnSurvivor was created. After five thrilling rounds of voting, Mr. Briggs Inc. managed to win against the other finalist, Thekillerfroggy, by a mere two votes. Flash forward almost two years. Kingkitty, a competitor in the first UnSurvivor, decides it's time for another go-around, and season 2 is born. In an exclusive interview with Mr. Kitty, he had this to say: "Well, I was bored ("and crazy", says one passing by civilian) and I thought: 'perhaps the community could do something fun, and stop with all this writing bullshit.'" When later asked what he thought about this current season, he said, "It's showing to be bigger and better than last season, with more betrayals, more violence, more whining, and more betrayals. Lots of betrayals. Mostly of me." Currently, UnSurvivor Season 2 is in its final round of voting, where the voted-off members of the game get to vote on the finalist they want to win. The finalists this season are: after last seasons defeat, Thekillerfroggy, and newcomers to the show, THEDUDEMAN and An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays. Voting is set to take place over 72 hours instead of the usual 24, and the winner will be announced sometime Friday July 10th. After this, according to Mr. Kitty, there "probably" will be a season 3, and it will be bigger and better than anything ever before.
Uncyclopedians pay crass tasteless tribute to Michael Jackson  Michael Jackson, the legendary King of Pop, touched many lives, and the news of his untimely demise has left a deep void in the lives of his millions of fans and victims. Fans all over Uncyclopedia, stricken by grief, flocked by the dozens to mourn their departed hero in the only way they knew how: through the medium of humour. They ranged from perfunctory to crude to mediocre, but each expressed a deeply profound sadness that the weird plastic rapist was no more. (Yeah, "weird plastic rapist". That's what you wanted to hear, isn't it? Ha ha ha.) Tributes continue to pour in despite the fact that it is no longer funny or clever. With the stage set for a long, protracted battle over his kids and estate, Uncyclopedia expects that unfunny people will continue to get mileage out of this story for many weeks to come. Uncyclopedia admins plan to send a selection of the best "tributes" to the Jackson family, along with the number of a company that recycles plastics. (That's what you wanted to hear, isn't it? Ha ha ha.) Editors emerge from woodwork, contribute to UnSignpost This week, when UnSignpost Active Editor Gerrycheevers brought up the Uncyclopedia page containing the currently in-progress UnSignpost, he suffered a minor heart attack upon finding that two stories had already been added to the paper. It seems both An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays and THEDUDEMAN, both newly given the title "Consulting Editor", took exception to being named "Consulting Editor" and took it upon themselves to blanket the UnSignpost with awesomeness. Unsignpost Payroll Manager DogNewspaper (pictured) bared his teeth at this development, indicating his frustration at having to re-issue new timecards to both editors. Gerrycheevers is expected to make a full recovery; flowers can be sent to the Uncyclopedia Infirmary and Shooting Range. |
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Here Comes Another Thanks
CHEERS!
Thanks for voting for this. Cat appreciates it too. Or I think she does, because she's chewing the carpet quite happily.
Hang on a second, that doesn't look like the carpet. No! She wouldn't! Not the cabbages...!!!
Nameable • mumble? • (UnScr:PWotM) 11:08, 11 July 2009 (UTC)
=) Nameable • mumble? • (UnScr:PWotM) 11:36, 11 July 2009 (UTC)
Arr! There be a Thanksplate at Thiry Noughts!
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Martin would like to thank you! For helping him stay afloat during his time with Marline and until his rescue/untimely death. |
To answer your question I bassically don't know. In my head her accent kept slipping wildely between German and West Country, both of which I assiciate (probably wrongly) with useing the word "yah". So now you know, Yah!? Orian57 Talk 14:59 16 July 2009
UnSignpost: July 16nd, 2009
The Newspaper With Love In Every Paragraph!
July 16th, 2009 • Issue 56 • This is a Pathetic Joke
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User Return Causes Widespread Panic  This week noted user An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays returned to the wiki, and immediately rendered that return "triumphant". However, other users are beginning to feel the effects of the presence of this primate whose quantum mechanical properties dictate that he be only during certain periods of the week. This incident left onlookers shocked, and worrying if something similar could happen to them. Not since the return of a scantily-clad Olipro has this website seen such a display of sheer terror mixed with complete confusion (and in the case of Olipro, a bit of curious arousal mixed in). The aforementioned incident involved one user who had AATOEOT embedded in his dreams. Most curiously, this episode seems to have happened on a Friday night, a time period when an An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays should decidedly not exist. Nearly a week has passed without further disruptions, although that may be partially due to Ape's ban after being kicked off of the Uncyclopedia island during a rousing game of Uncyclopedia Survivor. Regardless of the reasons behind the strange occurrences, users should be sure to keep an eye out for strange occurrences on and off the wiki...particularly on Thursdays. Flood of Crap Nearly Overflows VFD For the last few days, an explosion of nominations has inundated Uncyclopedia's waste removal system, Votes for Deletion. After a period of low activity, where there would typically be just a few to several nominations, things picked up last week. In the last few days, the situation has accelerated into what is being called by experts a "shit-ton" of undesirable content festering in the dark, unvisited corners of the wiki. Said undesirable content is currently being read, discussed, and dealt with accordingly, as is the usual procedure at the highly efficient VFD. Circumstances have escalated to the point of rattling a few relaxed admins. One such incident involved a user getting the customary one-day ban for increasing the active nomination count past twenty, when the user in question had, in fact, only increased the number of active noms to twenty. Owing to the normal tendency of the article count of VFD to stay in the low single digits lately, the lapse is certainly forgiveable, and was quickly corrected. Afterwards the two parties exchanged pleasantries and shared a S'Mores which was roasted over the open bonfire of newly deleted articles. Former poopsmith MrN9000 commented on the situation, saying, "Well you know I fancy the standards at VFD have improved significantly in recent times. Not so long ago it would often just be a quick "Short and Shit" vote from UU, and the latest stub was on for a huffing. These days we are spending more time voting on closer votes and are deleting much better articles than we used to! Something VFD is really proud of." In a final display of VFD patriotism, MrN added, "CHECK THE PAGE HISTORY BEFORE NOMINATING YOU BUGGERS!" Orian57 On Fire  Noted rainbow-colored user Orian57 has recently enjoyed a remarkable string of success (pictured on right). He has scored an unprecedented natural hat trick of features, with UnBooks:Daddy, There's a Zombie in the Garden, LazyTown, and UnScripts:Trapped at Sea reaching the front page on consecutive days. Not since the time of such legends as Savethemooses and The Thinker have such lofty VFH records been broken. Although in the case of STM, there were probably mitigating factors involved, like wooden articles rather than aluminum, or something. Or aluminium, that strange substance only found in England by mining thousands of millions of other strange occurences, such as referring to the trunk of a car as a "boot". This god-like spasm of awesomeness is fresh on the heels of Orian's Writer of the Month win in June of this year. Since the beginning of that month, he has seen six of his works grace the front page, and he shows no signs of slowing down. When reached for comment, he explained, "Well I suppose it's down to being fantastic. And unemployed. But mostly being fantastic." The UnSignpost would like to congratulate Orian on his recent spat of win, and express hopes he will continue the pattern well into the future. |
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UnSignpost: July 23rd, 2009
Telling You Stuff You Already Knew, But With Different Words!
July 23rd, 2009 • Issue 57 • The Newspaper That Won't Tell Everyone That You Wet the Bed! Oops...
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Uncyclopedia Users Form Fantasy Football League  This week, several Uncyclopedians banded together under the leadership of one Guildensternenstein to form some sort of "Fantasy Football" organization. What exactly this entails is unclear, but it appears that the football- and soccer-related fantasies of the participating members will be carried out in the semi-private confines of the forums. Reactions were mixed to this development, with some users expressing emotions ranging from apathy to indifference. Others voiced concern about children, decency, and lewd public conduct. "My little boy came home today saying something about going to another boy's house to perform football fantasies!" said one outraged and confused mother. Regardless of the small amount of negative feedback, participants are eager to begin fantasizing about their favorite football players, such as David Beckham. Bradaphraser had this to say: "The Fantasy Football League is a chance for Uncyclopedians to get away from the hustle and bustle of everyday Uncyclopedia work and actually have some fun for a change. While I usually am busy with the administrating task of sitting on my lazy ass and doing nothing, this gives users a chance to see me in a more relaxed state." "I fully expect that this venture will be just as successful as my recent run for the Presidency," continued Brad, "which I lost to Bradford Lyttle of the Pacifist party by a mere 110 votes. I fully expect to win one or possibly even two games in this upcoming season, assuming of course that a draft is eventually held." Said draft is scheduled to begin immediately, and assuming only a small portion of footballers flee to Canada to evade this draft, the Uncyclopedia Fantasy Football League will be ready to hold its first game by opening day. Village Dump Suffers From Rash of Inactivity  In a startling development, activity on Uncyclopedia's main gathering place, the Village Dump, has all but ceased. With The UnIdiot registering the sole comment in the last three full days, the normal flow of important, relevant conversation in the Forums appears to have dried up. While an excess of users can usually be found loitering aimlessly in the halls of the Dump, it appeared all but deserted as of press time. Several theories have been raised, ranging from the intriguingly possible (July weather causes Uncyclopedians to go outside) to the exceedingly headache-inducing (Uncyclopedians are being abducted by giant space cabbages). However, one of the more interesting theories comes from our lead scientist and nature correspondant, DogNewspaper (unavailable for picture). He claims that while the Village Dump itself along with associated forums such as the Ministry of Love and the Help forum has seen a decline in activity, the so-called Benson's House of Pancakes has seen a shocking upswing in activity. In the same time frame that only a single edit was made in the Village Dump, sixteen different topics were edited in Benson's Breakfast Domicile. DogNewspaper, that earlier mentioned nature correspondant, calls this a migration. "Woof," he claimed, elaborating that many users were unable to adapt to conditions found in the normal Village Dump, and were forced to relocate to the more hospitable Benson-related location. It is here, in the BHOP, that users are free to create topics concerning their own birthdays, the anniversaries of their birth, and memorials commemorating the day they were born. Whether the mass exodus is complete or not has yet to be seen. |
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Thanks
Thank you for supporting my recently featured article.
Your support is greatly appreciated.
—Guildy