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Reformed Orthodox Rabbi William "Bill" Clinton (born August 19, 1946) is an American politician, former childcare worker, former amateur saxophonist, and swingin' bachelor. As the 42nd President of the United States, and the horniest man to hold that position since JFK, he led America through the economic golden age of the '90s.
Clinton is famous for being the first president to institute the Opposite Presidential Term, in which everything he said during his second term is the exact opposite of what he said in his first term. In his first term, he was a Liberal, but in his second term, he was a Neocon; that was his way of bringing about change.
Clinton's term in office was marred by economic and political reform. The most serious was some bitch named Hillary, who kept insisting she was his wife and had actually slept with him. This was widely ignored by everyone until it was revealed that Bill had been secretly cheating on the First Lady with Hillary, in a perverse affair that culminated in a media frenzy. (Full article...)
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DID U KNOE...
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- ... You can do anything with creativity, determination, and the exploitation of the working class?
- ... that if you fold your arms and try to touch your feet you look like a complete fucking fool?
- ... that the average human male between the ages of 18 and 42 has thought about sex with Brad Pitt at least once?
- ... that Ann Coulter is a highly successful parody of right-wing political rhetoric?
- ... that Santa sees you while you're sleeping, and he knows when you're awake?
- ... that the Kingfisher does not dine exclusively on kings, but also hunts queens, emperors, princes, dukes, viceroys and any other high-ranking members of the nobility?
- ... that Wikipedia features DYKs about mosaic floors that were discovered between 1932 and 1939?
- ... that Pope Francis (Pictured) played football for Argentina?
- ... that, because of Anonymous' credibility, he has become a frequent source of information for news articles?
- ... that more people have been inside Paris Hilton, than in the Hilton in Paris?
- ... that there's more to the 9/11 attacks than the conspiracy theorists would have you believe? Like, way more?
- ... that NASA will one day send sharks to space?
- ... that Heaven has met its quota, and your dead granny has just been waitlisted?
- ... that the bird is equal to or greater than the word?
- ... that the Russian Reversal is the common English term for the phenomenon during which a person descended from Russia is spontaneously turned around?
 - ... no, you didn't! Stop lying!
- ... that you actually didn't know?
- ... that Mercury is not a miracle substance and does not cure AIDS?
- ... that your car is rolling down the driveway right now?
- ... that Flying Spaghetti Monsterism is the world's most intelligent and fastest-growing religion?
- ... that sarcasm is totally the highest form of wit?
- ... that in 2001 George W. Bush passed the No Child Left Behind Act, which forbids soldiers in Iraq from leaving their children behind?
 - ... that when a grizzly bear becomes excited sexually it is known as a jizzly bear?
- ... that Deus ex machina is Latin for "cop out"?
- ... that your boss is behind you watching you waste time?
- ... that Michael Jackson should have had more apples to keep his doctor away?
- ... that paper beats rock, but guns beat everything?
- ... that to the untrained ear, John Aglethorpe's Ode to the Monotony of Life may simply sound like one continuous, monotonous tone, but the song is actually composed mostly of alterations between the A sharp and B flat notes tied together?
- ... that if I had to describe myself in three words, I would say "not very good at maths"?
 - ... that Africa's space program has had several successful launches to altitudes over 11 feet?
- ... that in some parts of Europe, glory holes are preferred to bidets?
- ... that you... you should have gone for my head? Oh Snap!
- ... that Michael Jackson should have had more apples to keep his doctor away?
- ... that the lawman/outlaw Wild Bill Hickok had one of the most celebrated mustaches in the Wild West?
- ... that a bird in the hand is better than crabs in your bush?
- ... that if you fold your arms and try to touch your feet you look like a complete fucking fool?
- ... that the classic fairy tale Hansel and Gretel was blamed for hundreds of accidental deaths involving elderly women being pushed into ovens by children? (Pictured)
- ... that gender is a scam invented in 1825 to sell more bathrooms?
- ... that the dolphin is the only animal other than man that laughs at its own farts?
- ... that two wrongs don't make a right, but two Wrights make an airplane?
- ... that I like cats, but could never eat a whole one?
- ... that Hitler killed himself out of fear of Soviet capture and torture, not because he saw the gas bill?
- ... that on average, humans have less than 2 legs?
- ... that applause was invented to mock the deaf?
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In the news
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Chuck Norris didn't die, Death got Chuck Norris'd.
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ON DIS DAI...
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April 1: April Fools' Day
- 1926 - April Emily Fools is born to Herb and Emma Fools in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.
- 1938 - At the age of twelve, Fools first shows an interest in baking when she helps her grandmother bake cookies.
- 1944 - Fools lands her first job, working at a tank tread manufacturing plant in downtown Milwaukee.
- 1949 - After a lengthy engagement, April marries Albert Cranston in Madison, Wisconsin.
- 1952 - Upon the suggestion of a friend, April begins a small baked goods business from her own kitchen.
- 1955 - April and Albert welcome their first child into the world: Richard Cranston, named after his paternal grandfather.
- 1957 - The Cranston family welcomes their second child, Judy.
- 1971 - April enjoys what she would later describe as "the rush of a lifetime" after appearing on a local television program instructing children how to bake brownies.
- 1978 - Albert and April become grandparents to Henry Cranston.
- 1994 - April Emily Fools-Cranston passes away in her hometown of Milwaukee, Wisconsin. The Milwaukee Herald declares her birthday a national holiday.
- 2022 - In honor of April, Morbius is released, raking in morbillions at the box office and boosting her family's trust to guarantee the continued support of the April Fools Baking Institute for years to come.
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| COLONIZASHUN OV TEH WEEK
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For the glory of her majesty
HALP US CLEAR TEH IVY OV CRAP,
AN PLANT TEH SEEDZ OV HUMOR.
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