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Jesus has always been a touchy subject. Not many people want to talk about our Lord and Savior. Some even go so far as to consider it awkward when Jesus is brought up in polite conversation. Due to this inclination to believe that Jesus kills a conversation, many people don't get to know how truly amazing the man who died for our sins really is.

Sure, we all know that Jesus was white, had long flowing hair, a perfectly trimmed beard, and a Californian complexion. That much is obvious from any photograph or painting of Jesus. But what about the smaller details about Jesus that people just ignore nowadays? Maybe if people weren't so quick to slam the door in the face of a religious scholar they would know more facts about Jesus. For instance... (Full article...)

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Did you know...

... that "crack" is the hood's most effective diet pill? (Pictured)

... that there's only one way to party? (Pictured)

... that the concept of Hell dates back to ancient Egyptians' fear of sand burning your feet?
... that in a world where movie trailers are crucial to a film's success... one man will provide his voice in innumerable trailers?
... the muffin man?
... that you have schizophrenia and we're talking about you right now?
... that bestiality just got 15 percent more legal?
... that male vampires are delighted when the female vampire goes on her period?
... that 100% of people who are rushed to the hospital will die?

... that in another time and place Rod Serling existed as a discarded cardboard cutout on the set of the Twilight Zone? (Pictured)

... that being safe with guns is- *BANG*
... that anyone who dies at Disneyland receives a free lifetime pass?
... that air is a fictional substance that was once believed to fill the space above the surface of the Earth? While this "air theory" was once used to explain various phenomena, air theory, at last refuted, has joined the gene, the atom, Antarctica, and the free lunch in a long list of scientific red herrings.
... that Witch-Hunting For Fun and Profit has mostly turned into Witch-Hunting For Fun in this modern era of cheaply produced Chinese assembly line witches?
... that half of all American schoolchildren graduate in the bottom 50% of their class?
... that my girlfriend has herpes? Neither did I.
... that when a grizzly bear becomes excited sexually it is known as a jizzly bear?

... that What's-his-name off that thing (Pictured) was in that film with that other dude?

... that the entire world rightfully belongs to Albania?
... that Martin Van Buren is a total dick and nobody likes him?
... that no true Scotsman sugars his porridge, while every true Irishman does?
... that you've just lost the game?
... that if you die in Canada, you die in real life?
... that I am Batman?
... that the keyboard you have been using has more germs than your toilet seat?

... that Gerry Adams IS the Lord of the Dance? (Pictured)

... that the concept of Hell dates back to ancient Egyptians' fear of sand burning your feet?
... that Uncyclopedia admins are such lazy bums, they ask their users to think of DYK submissions?
... that many diseases can be prevented by washing your hands before eating, after eating, during eating, and another couple of times just in case?
... that, because of Anonymous' credibility, he has become a frequent source of information for news articles?
... that Earth is the best planet in the world?
... that the Rorschach inkblots all look kinda like my Aunt Gladys giving head to Satan?
... that 'wax-on, wax-off' doesn't help teach kids karate, but just gets your cars waxed, free of charge?

... that there's only one word in the vocabulary of a customer service representative? (Pictured)

... that no true Scotsman sugars his porridge, while every true Irishman does?
... that the White House is really off-white?
... that you can get great deals on Vietnamese clothing imports if you buy now?
... that the packets of silica gel that say "DO NOT EAT" are actually delicious?
... that making a band usually involves frantically begging family and strangers to join?
... that the butler did it?
... that two wrongs don't make a right, but two Wrights make an airplane?

... that Albert Einstein's likeness has been used to sell pornography? (Pictured)

... that Uncyclopedia is riddled with subliminal messages? DRINK COCA COLA
... that the dolphin is the only animal other than man that laughs at its own farts?
... that the Kingfisher does not dine exclusively on kings, but also hunts queens, emperors, princes, dukes, viceroys and any other high-ranking members of the nobility?
... that Former President Bush prefers his Tuskegee airmen with a side of risotto and mushrooms?
... Nautical knots are not knots that can be knotted into knots (most likely not)?
... that, because of Anonymous' credibility, he has become a frequent source of information for news articles?
... that many children in third world countries don't have enough to eat, but most have access to the Food Network?

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In the news
Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize (Pictured) Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Donald Trump *still really, really* wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • ~~War~~ Special Combat Operation in Iran • Winter Paralympics • Saturn Awards • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed Recent deaths: Warner Bros. bidding war • Neil Sedaka • Ali Khamenei • Team Italy sled hockey • Miami Dolphins, twice • That guy from Boston. The band, not the city. But isn't the band from the city? Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • Weed • Dancin' Maduro • Iran • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons UnNews – Radio Free Lunch**
On this day...
March 19: Peanut Allergy Awareness Day (U.S.) 1649 - Bengal Death cultists breed a strain of peanut that is fatal to a tiny percentage of the population, for they believe the souls of those who die by the peanut are raised again to fight for their goddess Kali. 1877 - The first child to die of a peanut allergy is called a giant pussy by teachers and school staff instead of getting medical attention. 1931 - Gambling is legalized in Nevada, first casino game is like Russian Roulette, except the gun shoots peanut powder, and rat poison. 1962 - Bob Dylan releases his first album, Nutmeg. The cover actually smells like peanuts and not nutmeg. 1994 - Congress passes the Allergy Awareness Act, which legally puts the onus of responsibility on You to cater to everyone's allergy problems. Sort your fridge asshole. 2008 - Vince from Slap Chop accidentally gets his testicles trapped in the butterfly mechanism of his Slap Chop. 2018 - Parents protest animated movie Peter Rabbit after the titular character chokeslams the allergic antagonist into an industrial vat of peanut butter. View tomorrow – More anniversaries...

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Writer and Noob of the Month

Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.

Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!

Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.

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