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Onward.jpg

Everyone is Hitler.

The undeniable and terrible truth of the universe. Look within yourself, Christopher, you know it to be true.

But it can't possibly be true can it? Please God, this can't be true. This can't be the way the world is; please I want to have faith in humanity.

But no. There is no use pleading, no use denying. The sooner you accept the truth the sooner the real work can begin. Only a weak man denies the plain and evident truth or lets his feelings distract him from the path of destiny. (Full article...)

Did you know...

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  • ... that a rose by any other name would be called something else?
  • ... that while Pong! the Movie followed suit with the wildly popular video game genre, such as The Super Mario Brothers movie and Resident Evil, it did not play out as well in the box offices?
  • ...the IRS is asking what's love got to do with your taxes?
  • ... that condoms prevent many sexually transmitted diseases, and at least one erection? Sorry Candace...
  • ... that Stan Lee originally conceived the X-Men as a group of post-op transgenders?
  • ... that sarcasm is totally the highest form of wit?

In the news

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"It's for the children's own good!"

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Silksong, TAWOG, Stranger Things 5, and Spaceballs 2 • Russian InvasionGaza WarTrump and Elon's feud.. make up.. no one knows anymore • Superman and Super Dog's movie doing surprisingly well • Israel/Iran and Russia/Ukraine "peace talks" • Pittsburgh Steelers adding old players way past their prime • Rock drummer exodus (not to be confused with Tom Hunting or Zbigniew Fyk)

Recent deaths: Diddy's freedom for only 20 years • Michael MadsenBill Cosby's TV sonBryan Kohberger's freedom • Ozzy OsbourneChuck MangioneHulk HoganResident AlienDown syndromeTom LehrerThe systemFUBAR

Upcoming deaths: DEIPittsburgh Steelers' locker room • R. Kelly • Iran's nuclear program • Oil prices • Diddy's bank account after incoming lawsuits • The asshats who spoiled Squid GameMAGAJoe Biden's credibility • The flowers you bring Alan Bergman • Bryan Kohberger, at the hands of his fellow inmates

On this day...

One can argue that the third Matrix movie was the best of the franchise, a daring yet clever subversion and synthesis of the Matrix's themes, a meditation on what it truly means for humanity to be free, when we have molded ourselves into machines far better than any robotic overlord could. Also, if you couldn't understand the Architect's speech on your first listen, you are a literal ingrate, and should perhaps read a book closer to your mental capacity, like "The Hungry Little Caterpillar" or "Everybody Poops."

August 7: Anniversary of the Day The Matrix Stopped Being Cool

  • 2003 - An adolescent who, for no reason at all, starts mimicking the slow-motion bullet dodge from the first Matrix film on a bus, is appalled to discover that his fellow passengers are not immediately breaking out in applause and high-fives, as is usual whenever any reference to The Matrix is made by anyone at any time.
  • 2004 - A suburban family, watching a toothpaste advertisement featuring characters in black leather doing kung-fu, lets out a bored sigh in complete unison.
  • 2005 - A stand-up comedian, beginning a joke with the words "You take the blue pill", is booed off-stage and has his car tires slashed.
  • 2006 - A man is kicked to death for saying "whoa" in a Keanu-esque fashion.
  • 2008 - Robert Mugabe becomes 44th President of the USA, announces that the Matrix "is totally not cool" and that people caught watching it "will be shot."
  • 2014 - The Matrix finally becomes cool again, for about three weeks until everyone gets to the third movie on their rewatch.
  • 2021 - They make a fourth Matrix movie, under the mistaken belief some of the love for John Wick will rub off on the movie by association.

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Today's featured picture

Vitruvian Man
Even as a child, Leonardo da Vinci showed a gift for art and anatomy.

Image credit: Rei
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Recent Articles

More recent articles | Most wanted pages | Requested rewrites | Add to stubs | Lonely pages | Pee Review | Try writing about... | Stuck articles needing a push | Great ideas

Writer and Noob of the Month

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Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.


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Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!


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Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.


Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners


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