HowTo:Clone a dinosaur

Warning! Cloning Dinosaurs can be very dangerous, make sure you have a cattle prod, or Chuck Norris around. You will need one of them later. As a side note, based on previous experiments, we recommend that you do not try to clone a Tyrannosaurus Rex. The Tyrannosaurus is an extinct carnivorous dinosaur that lived in Late Cretaceous. The average T. rex looked like your mom, except skinnier (To give you an idea, T. rex is estimated to be around 8-9 tons). Just trust us on this one.

A possible outcome of cloning a Dinosaur.

Creating the Dinosaur

Starting up

First you must acquire a DNA sample, this may be very tricky. An easier solution is asking the Flying Spaghetti Monster for a chicken. You must first beat him in a thumb-war match. After winning the chicken, rip all the feathers off it so it is naked. Gather DNA from all the feathers and place it in a petrie dish, or a bowl. Next you need one of the dinosaur's closest living relatives, the hamster. Carefully remove the hamster's brain, as you'll use this later.

Creating the Actual Dinosaur

Get a fossil (preferably a velociraptor or t-rex bone) and extract the DNA fragments from that. Carefully fuse the fragments with the chicken DNA. Then, inject it into the brainless hamster and wait for two days. During this time period you must dance the Chaccaron Maccaron, while observing the small hamster. Now carefully place the chicken-from-earlier's brain inside. After this time period, your "dinohamster" celebrates his birthday. Make sure you give it a large birthday meal, or it will go on a rampage, as shown above. If this happens, it's time to break out out that cattle prod, or Chuck Norris. In some serious cases, you may need to learn how to Shoop Da Whoop. You can read more about this in the next paragraph. If this does not happen, you can go on with your day. Your "dinohamster" will soon mutate into a true dinosaur.

Dealing With your Dino

Here is how you can take care of your new-dino problems.

Feeding

Feed your dino food. Feed it every hour. If it eats meat, feed it meat. If it eats plants (which is very unlikely), feed it plants. If it eats food (which is very likely), feed it food.

Rampages

If you do not feed your dinosaur every hour, it will turn into a cybernetic Dino and rampage the city.

Here is one way to take care of your rampaging problems.

If your dino is not fed every hour, it will rampage. The same thing happens when you do not celebrate it's birthday. If your dino rampages, stay calm and try not to bathe in steak sauce. Weaker underlings may need a teddy bear for this process. First, grab Chuck Norris or the cattle prod and start hacking away at that stupid giant lizard. If this does not stop your dino you will need to learn how to Shoop da Whoop. If Shoop da Whooping doesn't work you will have to take drastic actions. This requires the hamster brain from earlier. Create a giant killer robot, arm it with lasers,put the hamster brain inside the head, release it near the dinosaur, and watch the magic happen. This is a last resort, only do this as a last resort, ok? All of these should stop your dino.

Rebellion

Raptors are prone to rebelling.

Your dinosaur may rebel sometimes. You will have to do everything said above over and over, in order, until your dino will listen to you. However, if this does not work... RUN AND SCREAM WHILE YOU WATCH YOUR DINO DESTROY EVERYTHING!!! If this does not work, try to negotiate with your dinosaur. This may take some time. And if that dosen't work shoot it with a gun.