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Today's featured article Orchids are a special family of temptress flowers that bloom around June, totally unlike conservative flowers with upstanding morals and family values. They have delicate bodies, slim stems, and deep orifices, with small follicles emanating from their lower inner region that open up once every 28 days or so to emit a rather fishy yet surprisingly fragrant scent in order to attract insects, which will invade their insides to help pollinate them. Orchids are considered to be some of the most scrumptious flowers in the plant kingdom, and they are also utterly insatiable. No amount of pollination is enough. Whereas almost all other flowers would be satisfied with one insect pollinator per day, for Orchids, no amount of frequent diverse visitors is enough. They are so good at seduction, bumble bees are known to fight one another to the death in their attempt to mount the stamens of orchids and destroy their tall slender legs in the process. Only the strongest bees with the most cunning, deceptive, and charismatic qualities are able to beat other bees during the frenzied orchid mating season. (Full article...) Recently featured: UnGames:Garlic bread Orchid HowTo:Rearrange the deckchairs on the Titanic Biffy Clyro Archive · Vote for featured articles · You can vote for your favorite articles to be featured. More of the best of Uncyclopedia Download article feed plugin for Google Desktop edit Selected anniversaries March 25: International Moose Preservation Day 26 AD - The Pontius Pilot is released in Rome, now Roman citizens can plan their Crucifixions from the comfort of their own villas. 1763 - The oboe is created in France, right before it drowns to the underworld being the only last remnant of France existant. 1847 - The Slate industry in Wales suffers a sharp decline after import tariffs on seriously why are you still reading this sentence go to bed. 1929 - The stock market crashes, putting an end to the Roaring 20's, and ushering the Squeaking 30's. 1950 - The Spanish Inquisition, the television adaptation based on the historical event, makes its debut on Fox quite unexpectedly. 1990 - The case of Pot v. Kettle goes to the Mississippi Court of Appeals. 2003 - Black & Decker begin preliminary research into self-toasting bread, but their prototypes end up incinerating the stomachs of consumers. 2005 - Moose preservation is celebrated on the internet for the first time. Archived Anniversaries	suggest Word of the day rotary engine Try to use it in conversation. Knowledge is power. edit In the news World shocked as Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the bucket (Pictured) Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize Iran kept barely alive by Cardboard Ayatollah Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • War Special Combat Operation in Iran • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed • Impossibly long lines at American airports Recent deaths: Miami Dolphins, twice • That guy from Boston, not the city, but the band, from the city • Chuck Norris doesn't die, he goes to Hell to regroup • Buffy • Xander Harris • Robert Mueller Upcoming deaths: Iran • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons • Streetsigns with Cesar Chavez's name • TSA agents' bank accounts and sanity • Sora More Current Events at UnNews News edit Did you know... ... that Bill Cowher isn't actually that fireman that saved you, ma'am? ... that 45% of Japan's electrical and nuclear power is produced by manual labor? (Pictured) ... that neither cows nor foxes can run for governor in Wisconsin? ... that sovereign citizens have all the rights of U.S citizens, without having to follow any of the laws? ... that paper beats rock, but guns beat everything? ... that Stan Lee originally conceived the X-Men as a group of post-op transgenders? ... that there is one imposter among us? ... that sarcasm is a higher form of wit than the Russian Reversal? ... that Earth is the best planet in the world? Do you care... ... that Peyton Manning knows Terrell Owens is the REAL reason he's not playing Today? ... that hand transplant patients (Pictured) celebrate by masturbating? ... that the sound of a kitten falling into a wood chipper is still more pleasant than listening to Kidz Bop? ... that sarcasm is a higher form of wit than the Russian Reversal? ... that reading this section is a severe waste of time? ... that in an experiment known as Monty Hall problem, if you never make up your mind about which door to choose, the goat behind the door will grow tired and burst out? ... that solid, liquid, and gas all come out your ass? ... that midget cockpunching terrorists are a threat to the US and her allies? ... that the average human male between the ages of 18 and 42 has thought about sex with Brad Pitt at least once? Read More
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