Today's featured propaganda
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Uncyclopedia is proud to present an exclusive, never before published column by Chuck Norris.
Recently a debate aired on ABC's Nightline pitting popular theists, Ray Comfort and Kirk Cameron, against two reviled atheists from the "Rational" Response Squad, which is also reviled. This testifies to the growing number (30 million people) of fools who profess there is no God. Add to that what I believe is possibly three times that number of functional atheists, those who believe in a God but don't show it (as True Christians® do, by voting Republican, wearing little American flag pins and putting Jesus fish on the tailgates of their pickup trucks), and patriotic Americans in America are facing a new religious horizon in which atheism is becoming a formidable foe.
Shockingly, although the majority of Americans continue to claim to be Christians, a Gallup poll discovered that forty-five percent of the population would support an atheist for President. Such a survey is a clear indication that the secularization of our Christian nation is alive and well. Secularization, if you are not aware, will signal the end of America as we know it. For example, soon the secular government, blinded by their lack of common Christian decency, will (as they did with public schools) banish the Bible from the White House, before banning it in church and eventually outlawing it in your very own home! Will real Americans continue to stand for this outrage? I pray to the Lord, no. (Full article...)
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Did you know...
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- ... that there is no other word for thesaurus?
- ... that pillow fighting is a violent trend among the world's pillow population, and must be stopped?
- ... that people who "have their cake and eat it too" are 10 times more likely to die of obesity than people who only "have their cake"?
- ... that since haste makes waste, and slow and steady wins the race, it follows that everybody who loses a race must therefore be charged with littering?
- ... Jared Leto fucked your bf and he totally enjoyed it?
- ... that Deus ex machina is Latin for "cop out"?
- ... that a bird in the hand is better than crabs in your bush?
- ... that "crack" is the hood's most effective diet pill? (Pictured)
- ... that the phrase "¡Ay Chihuahua!" can be used to mean both "no, I don't have any bathtub cheese" and "yes, I have a great deal of bathtub cheese"?
- ... that the packets of silica gel that say "DO NOT EAT" are actually delicious?
- ... that individuals born under the sign of Gemini are often flammable and vulnerable to bear attacks?
- ...Funkytown was a Scientology commune in the 60s?
- ... Altaïr has excelled in the tactics of fooling the mentally challenged?
- ... that the Japanese have a saying: "A man cannot read the same Wikipedia page twice"? The pages are constantly being edited, and the act of reading it will make you a different person. Therefore, when a man goes back to re-read it, both the text and the man have been changed.
- ... that over 30 million Chinese peasants died in the Great Leap Forwards due to inadequate long-jump scores?
 - ... that there is no other word for thesaurus?
- ... that pillow fighting is a violent trend among the world's pillow population, and must be stopped?
- ... that people who "have their cake and eat it too" are 10 times more likely to die of obesity than people who only "have their cake"?
- ... that since haste makes waste, and slow and steady wins the race, it follows that everybody who loses a race must therefore be charged with littering?
- ... Jared Leto fucked your bf and he totally enjoyed it?
- ... that Deus ex machina is Latin for "cop out"?
- ... that a bird in the hand is better than crabs in your bush?
- ... that "crack" is the hood's most effective diet pill? (Pictured)
- ... that the phrase "¡Ay Chihuahua!" can be used to mean both "no, I don't have any bathtub cheese" and "yes, I have a great deal of bathtub cheese"?
- ... that the packets of silica gel that say "DO NOT EAT" are actually delicious?
- ... that individuals born under the sign of Gemini are often flammable and vulnerable to bear attacks?
- ...Funkytown was a Scientology commune in the 60s?
- ... Altaïr has excelled in the tactics of fooling the mentally challenged?
- ... that the Japanese have a saying: "A man cannot read the same Wikipedia page twice"? The pages are constantly being edited, and the act of reading it will make you a different person. Therefore, when a man goes back to re-read it, both the text and the man have been changed.
- ... that over 30 million Chinese peasants died in the Great Leap Forwards due to inadequate long-jump scores?
- ... that there is no other word for thesaurus?
- ... that pillow fighting is a violent trend among the world's pillow population, and must be stopped?
- ... that people who "have their cake and eat it too" are 10 times more likely to die of obesity than people who only "have their cake"?
- ... that since haste makes waste, and slow and steady wins the race, it follows that everybody who loses a race must therefore be charged with littering?
- ... Jared Leto fucked your bf and he totally enjoyed it?
- ... that Deus ex machina is Latin for "cop out"?
- ... that a bird in the hand is better than crabs in your bush?
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To whom it may concern: I am writing to you today regarding Mr. Nydas, who I understand is applying for a position at your institution. Mr. Nydas is one of the most inspiring students I have ever had the p LOLOLOLOL PENNIS THE MENACE IS MY FAVORITE ACTION FIGURE SHITTY SHITTY BANG BANG LOL LOL WHOAAAAA THEEEEESE IZ KOOL, Y'ALLS leasure to instruct; though deaf, blind, mute and crippled from birth, he has managed to overcome his circumstances and express himself eloquently through his writing. His essays and stories are for him an adventure, an escape from the terribly unfortunate and hopeless reality of his life. Though he knows he is unlikely to survive the next four years, he remains irrepressibly cheerful and determined to become a famous author of children's books. You and I know this will never happen, but when he turns to you with his empty eyes, his face tragically wasted by leprosy, one cannot but root for him in his battle with the cruel, cruel world.
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