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Today's featured propaganda

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MIAMI, Florida — Late Doors singer Jim Morrison surprised everyone but himself when he appeared in person as the Florida Board of Executive Clemency voted unanimously to posthumously pardon him four decades after he was convicted of open exposure and indecent profanity.

Outgoing Florida Gov. Charlie Crist – an admitted Doors fan and recent Senatorial loser to a conservative no-name – proposed the official pardon of the late singer, who was convicted for a disputed incident during a Miami, Florida, concert. When directly asked about the Board's hearing, Morrison told the stunned but admiring media, "Hey! Fuck you! I wouldn’t miss this goddamn case for shit!" He then exposed himself.

Morrison's widow, Patricia Kennealy Morrison, opposed the pardon and begged the Clemency Board to increase the charges against her late husband, who was sitting behind her exposing himself in the first row. She said she was not surprised at the outcome, given that the fans and a few hundred of Morrison's surviving groupies were supporting it. But she admitted she was highly surprised to see her late husband back in action. "He won’t even speak to me, the stuck-up bastard!" Kennealy lamented to CNN. "And since the original charges and trial were a publicity stunt to begin with, it doesn't surprise me that the pardon should attract even more publicity. My husband did not deserve a pardon and his record – in fact all his records – shouldn’t have been expunged, and he is mocking us as I speak." (Full article...)

Did you know...

*... that the Canadian government plans to convert the entire city of Vancouver into a giant marijuana farm by 2050?
  • ... that the handgun is one of the most pitiful guns you can find, seeing as it's part of your hand?
  • ... that the Canadian government plans to convert the entire city of Vancouver into a giant marijuana farm by 2050?
  • ... that the handgun is one of the most pitiful guns you can find, seeing as it's part of your hand?
  • ... that the Canadian government plans to convert the entire city of Vancouver into a giant marijuana farm by 2050?

In the news

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"He ah-no give me ah-good coverage!"

Ongoing: Eurovision Song ContestRussian InvasionIsrael-Hamas conflictUnited States presidential election aftermathNBA and NHL seasons • Athletes doing the "Trump Dance" • Bill Belichick going insane
Recent deaths: Brian Thompson (United Healthcare CEO)Democrat partyDiddy's careerThe Eras TourAlabama football's championship bidThe white guy from The Mod Squad
Upcoming deaths: Vladimir PutinBashar al-AssadDiddy's freedomBenjamin NetanyahuJay-Z's career and freedomKate MiddletonAaron Rodgers' career

On this day...

Obocop, get it?

December 16: Fun With Typos Day

Today's featured picture

Pontius Pilot
The Pontius Pilot is infamous for some functionality issues. One typical complaint is that the Microsoft Crucifixion program often crucified incorrect and important data, such as the Messiah. Thankfully for its users, the file would miraculously reappear two days later after descending to the Recycle Bin, not three as some mathematically illiterate biblical scholars would tell you.

Image credit: Savethemooses
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More recent articles | Most wanted pages | Requested rewrites | Add to stubs | Lonely pages | Pee Review | Try writing about...

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WANTED
Name: Bradaphraser (sometimes uses aliases "Bradley" or "Bradafag")
Crimes: hatred of the white peoples of the world, denial of free speech to said peoples, rogue punchlines, and your mother is a whore
Reward for information regarding the accused: Cherry Cake
Contact: prussianblue@yahoo.com


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To whom it may concern: I am writing to you today regarding Mr. Nydas, who I understand is applying for a position at your institution. Mr. Nydas is one of the most inspiring students I have ever had the p LOLOLOLOL PENNIS THE MENACE IS MY FAVORITE ACTION FIGURE SHITTY SHITTY BANG BANG LOL LOL WHOAAAAA THEEEEESE IZ KOOL, Y'ALLS leasure to instruct; though deaf, blind, mute and crippled from birth, he has managed to overcome his circumstances and express himself eloquently through his writing. His essays and stories are for him an adventure, an escape from the terribly unfortunate and hopeless reality of his life. Though he knows he is unlikely to survive the next four years, he remains irrepressibly cheerful and determined to become a famous author of children's books. You and I know this will never happen, but when he turns to you with his empty eyes, his face tragically wasted by leprosy, one cannot but root for him in his battle with the cruel, cruel world.


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