Today's featured propaganda
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WASHINGTON DC - Over a week after the historic health care bill was passed, President Barack Obama gave his seven hundredth speech on health care reform today in front of the United States Congress. Addressing the nation in the most serious expression and tone, the President said:
"My fellow Americans: April Fools!"
This left a cold silence in the house, broken only by the President's own hysterical laughter. After calming down and catching his breath, President Obama explained the joke to the confused masses:
You're probably wondering what's so funny. I'll tell you what's funny: The health care bill! The entire thing. It's one big, fat joke!
Think about it: Forcing everyone to buy insurance in order to lower premium costs? That's preposterous! It completely defies the law of supply and demand! Just saying it out loud reveals it's absurdity! And let's not forget the new regulations on insurance companies and added taxation. You'd think I was actually trying to keep prices up! Rest assured, though, if by chance you won't be able to afford health insurance after these policies take effect, you'll still receive quality, free health care once you're thrown into prison!
Many out there are not worried about the economic details, but more concerned about the coverage they already have. You remember I said, "If you're satisfied with your insurance, you can keep it." Well, I want to make it completely clear once again: The government will do absolutely nothing to interfere with your current insurance policy. However, your cheapskate Scrooge of a boss has every right to dump your sorry behind on the government plan if he wants to save a few dollars! Of course, seniors want to know my solution to the upcoming Medicare deficit. In a nutshell, we're basically going to expand it to everyone!
Seriously, people, Fascism wasn't this back-asswards! Oh my God, if only you could see your faces America! (Full article...)
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Did you know...
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- ... there's a ninja behind you but it left when you turned around?
- ... that sheep shrink when it rains?
- ... that sovereign citizens have all the rights of U.S citizens, without having to follow any of the laws?
- ... that reading this DYK suggestion just wasted 10 seconds of your life?
- ... that Alaska's principle exports include snow, ice, frozen water, and permafrost?
- ... that I like cats, but could never eat a whole one?
- ... that 69% percent of statistics contain sexual innuendo?
 - ... that anyone who dies at Disneyland receives a free lifetime pass?
- ... that the Red Baron, in addition to being the deadliest ace fighter pilot of World War I, traveled through time?
- ... that Bill Cosby and Bing Crosby are the same person?
- ... that Former President Bush prefers his Tuskegee airmen with a side of risotto and mushrooms?
- ... that if Abraham Lincoln was alive today, he would be clawing desperately at the lid of his coffin and screaming for help?
- ... that if you fold your arms and try to touch your feet you look like a complete fucking fool?
- ... that the process of dying and coming back to life as a cow is known as reincownation?
 - ... there's a ninja behind you but it left when you turned around?
- ... that sheep shrink when it rains?
- ... that sovereign citizens have all the rights of U.S citizens, without having to follow any of the laws?
- ... that reading this DYK suggestion just wasted 10 seconds of your life?
- ... that Alaska's principle exports include snow, ice, frozen water, and permafrost?
- ... that I like cats, but could never eat a whole one?
- ... that 69% percent of statistics contain sexual innuendo?
- ... that anyone who dies at Disneyland receives a free lifetime pass?
- ... that the Red Baron, in addition to being the deadliest ace fighter pilot of World War I, traveled through time?
- ... that Bill Cosby and Bing Crosby are the same person?
- ... that Former President Bush prefers his Tuskegee airmen with a side of risotto and mushrooms?
- ... that if Abraham Lincoln was alive today, he would be clawing desperately at the lid of his coffin and screaming for help?
- ... that if you fold your arms and try to touch your feet you look like a complete fucking fool?
- ... that the process of dying and coming back to life as a cow is known as reincownation?
- ... there's a ninja behind you but it left when you turned around?
- ... that sheep shrink when it rains?
- ... that sovereign citizens have all the rights of U.S citizens, without having to follow any of the laws?
- ... that reading this DYK suggestion just wasted 10 seconds of your life?
- ... that Alaska's principle exports include snow, ice, frozen water, and permafrost?
- ... that I like cats, but could never eat a whole one?
- ... that 69% percent of statistics contain sexual innuendo?
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To whom it may concern: I am writing to you today regarding Mr. Nydas, who I understand is applying for a position at your institution. Mr. Nydas is one of the most inspiring students I have ever had the p LOLOLOLOL PENNIS THE MENACE IS MY FAVORITE ACTION FIGURE SHITTY SHITTY BANG BANG LOL LOL WHOAAAAA THEEEEESE IZ KOOL, Y'ALLS leasure to instruct; though deaf, blind, mute and crippled from birth, he has managed to overcome his circumstances and express himself eloquently through his writing. His essays and stories are for him an adventure, an escape from the terribly unfortunate and hopeless reality of his life. Though he knows he is unlikely to survive the next four years, he remains irrepressibly cheerful and determined to become a famous author of children's books. You and I know this will never happen, but when he turns to you with his empty eyes, his face tragically wasted by leprosy, one cannot but root for him in his battle with the cruel, cruel world.
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