Today's featured propaganda
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Orchids are a special family of temptress flowers that bloom around June, totally unlike conservative flowers with upstanding morals and family values. They have delicate bodies, slim stems, and deep orifices, with small follicles emanating from their lower inner region that open up once every 28 days or so to emit a rather fishy yet surprisingly fragrant scent in order to attract insects, which will invade their insides to help pollinate them.
Orchids are considered to be some of the most scrumptious flowers in the plant kingdom, and they are also utterly insatiable. No amount of pollination is enough. Whereas almost all other flowers would be satisfied with one insect pollinator per day, for Orchids, no amount of frequent diverse visitors is enough. They are so good at seduction, bumble bees are known to fight one another to the death in their attempt to mount the stamens of orchids and destroy their tall slender legs in the process. Only the strongest bees with the most cunning, deceptive, and charismatic qualities are able to beat other bees during the frenzied orchid mating season. (Full article...)
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Did you know...
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- ... that 100% of divorces start with marriage?
- ... that in order to complete the video game World of Warcraft, over one cubic mile of animals must be clicked?
- ... that 90% of all video game high scores are set by one guy called "AAA"?
- ... that contrary to popular belief, the emoticon ":3" is a depiction of someone with a scrotum for a mouth?
- ... that Robert Shaw won the Northeast Regional Dogfishing Open in 1974, the first sporting event to be broadcast on the new ESPN network?
- ... that contrary to popular belief, she never actually sold seashells by the seashore?
- ... that the French Revolution was just a rip-off of the American Revolution?
 - ... that in Baltimore, Maryland, it is a violation of statute to dress up as a clown and to make fun balloon animals to give to children and molest them with?
- ... that the phrase "¡Ay Chihuahua!" can be used to mean both "no, I don't have any bathtub cheese" and "yes, I have a great deal of bathtub cheese"?
- ... that it's probably not the weekend (The chance is 5/7)?
- ... that in 2007 the Department of Homeland Security released a series of informative pamphlets on surviving a terrorist attack?
- ... that gender is a scam invented in 1825 to sell more bathrooms?
- ... that The Oldest Trick in the Book was first chronicled in cuneiform by the Ancient Sumerians, who lived on the windswept steppes of Mesopotamia?
- ... that your boss is behind you watching you waste time?
 - ... that 100% of divorces start with marriage?
- ... that in order to complete the video game World of Warcraft, over one cubic mile of animals must be clicked?
- ... that 90% of all video game high scores are set by one guy called "AAA"?
- ... that contrary to popular belief, the emoticon ":3" is a depiction of someone with a scrotum for a mouth?
- ... that Robert Shaw won the Northeast Regional Dogfishing Open in 1974, the first sporting event to be broadcast on the new ESPN network?
- ... that contrary to popular belief, she never actually sold seashells by the seashore?
- ... that the French Revolution was just a rip-off of the American Revolution?
- ... that in Baltimore, Maryland, it is a violation of statute to dress up as a clown and to make fun balloon animals to give to children and molest them with?
- ... that the phrase "¡Ay Chihuahua!" can be used to mean both "no, I don't have any bathtub cheese" and "yes, I have a great deal of bathtub cheese"?
- ... that it's probably not the weekend (The chance is 5/7)?
- ... that in 2007 the Department of Homeland Security released a series of informative pamphlets on surviving a terrorist attack?
- ... that gender is a scam invented in 1825 to sell more bathrooms?
- ... that The Oldest Trick in the Book was first chronicled in cuneiform by the Ancient Sumerians, who lived on the windswept steppes of Mesopotamia?
- ... that your boss is behind you watching you waste time?
- ... that 100% of divorces start with marriage?
- ... that in order to complete the video game World of Warcraft, over one cubic mile of animals must be clicked?
- ... that 90% of all video game high scores are set by one guy called "AAA"?
- ... that contrary to popular belief, the emoticon ":3" is a depiction of someone with a scrotum for a mouth?
- ... that Robert Shaw won the Northeast Regional Dogfishing Open in 1974, the first sporting event to be broadcast on the new ESPN network?
- ... that contrary to popular belief, she never actually sold seashells by the seashore?
- ... that the French Revolution was just a rip-off of the American Revolution?
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In the news
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On this day...
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March 26: Fast Food Day (U.S.)
- 1845 - Fast food, then called fasting from food, is invented in Ireland: millions starve due to new trend.
- 1940 - First McDonald's restaurant opens in San Bernardino, California, life expectancy drops to levels unseen since the Civil War.
- 1965 - Fox in Socks, the first depiction of a modern-day rap battle, is published by Dr. Seuss.
- 1994 - After complaints from vegans, McDonald's switches from beef fat to vegetable oil for their fries, vegans celebrate, give money to company that kills millions of cows.
- 1997 - Someone orders an iced coffee from Starbucks, destroys the economies of three South American countries.
- 2011 - McDonald's attempts to make Happy Meals healthier, billions of apple slices rot inside their teeny plastic bags.
- 2016 - New FCC regulations on misleading advertising forces Carl's Jr. to release new 30 second ad of a fat man crying, alone.
- 2018 - Wendy's delivers epic clapback against dumb bitch on twitter with sesame seed allergy.
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To whom it may concern: I am writing to you today regarding Mr. Nydas, who I understand is applying for a position at your institution. Mr. Nydas is one of the most inspiring students I have ever had the p LOLOLOLOL PENNIS THE MENACE IS MY FAVORITE ACTION FIGURE SHITTY SHITTY BANG BANG LOL LOL WHOAAAAA THEEEEESE IZ KOOL, Y'ALLS leasure to instruct; though deaf, blind, mute and crippled from birth, he has managed to overcome his circumstances and express himself eloquently through his writing. His essays and stories are for him an adventure, an escape from the terribly unfortunate and hopeless reality of his life. Though he knows he is unlikely to survive the next four years, he remains irrepressibly cheerful and determined to become a famous author of children's books. You and I know this will never happen, but when he turns to you with his empty eyes, his face tragically wasted by leprosy, one cannot but root for him in his battle with the cruel, cruel world.
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