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Welcome to The House of Pomegranates, the collection of short stories that is intended neither for the British child nor the British public.


Oscar Wilde has inspired us to work on 36,148 stories and plays since opening in January 2005.

Before modifying any of Wilde's works, please read the snooty writing guidelines and homo-acceptance manual.

Browse:

Stories | Delightful People | Famous Quotes | Abnormal People | Quite Quaint | Coherent
Oscar's Picks | Straight Index | Works in other Genres...


Another Oscar Wilde picture. From:

wilde.jpg

Chastity is a calling higher than marriage, and spiritually more profitable.

Oscar's Chosen Article

Ted Cruz booger.gif

Saturday, October 3, 2020

The Center for Disease Control released a statement this week recommending that Americans eat their own boogers to curb the spread of coronavirus. A months-long study shows eating boogers to be the most effective strategy in the battle against COVID-19; much more effective than social distancing, washing hands or coughing into a condom. The science behind booger-eating is that the virus typical gets trapped in mucus, which crusts over and encloses the virus. Before the virus can escape, you have to eat it and let it be destroyed by your stomach acids. In addition to destroying the virus at the source, further studies show that booger consumption builds the immune system, and thus keeps you protected against COVID and other diseases. A person who regularly commits to a steady diet of boogers is essentially impervious to death. (Full article...)

You can suggest articles for Oscar to read.

More of Oscar's picks


Why was I born with such contemporaries?

If discovered reading a D&D manual, most players failed their saving throw vs. merciless teasing.

October 23: D&D Empowerment Day, a day to let go of your guilt and shame for having played Dungeons & Dragons as a child (or still), and instead reflect upon how it's changed you for the better; National Whack-a-Mole Day (US and Japan).

“It says: With this strength or lower I can only be a Magic User. Re-roll!”
~ Oscar Wilde

  • 33 - Jesus creates D&D, the Romans crucify him for this and buries the game where it is found 1900 years later.
  • 1966 - International Federation of the Friendless is formed by Gary Gygax and other near-do-wells.
  • 1969 - While others are busy engaged in the Summer of Love, Gary Gygax and Friends are busy making their own chainmail armour out of plastic plumbing washers.
  • 1970 - Dave Arneson creates a scenario involving an adventure through a castle sewer, in quest of the legendary change room of maidens in waiting. Later arrested for being a peeping tom. Judge was unmoved by his plea that he was doing important game research.
  • 1971 - Gary Gygax and Dave Arneson team up to create "The Fantasy Game." Monsters are substituted for maidens, and mountains of loose change for changerooms.
  • 1974 - TSR publishes the now-renamed Dungeons & Dragons® game by slapping homemade labels over used cereal boxes. In one year, the entire hand-assembled print run of 1,000 games sells out.
  • 1979 - Ozzy Osbourne is chosen as official spokesman, eventually appearing in a commercial where he bites the head off of a Basilisk.
  • 1984 - You realise with horror that the phrase "Uncursed +1/+1 Dark Dwarven Mithril Battle-Axe of Nuking" no longer sounds completely ridiculous to you.
  • 1985 - Everyone starts referring to bottles of water as "Potions of Thirst Obviation" and dictionaries as "Tomes of Acquired Word Definition."
  • 2003 - The first woman to play D&D is later discovered to be a shemale .
  • 2005 - You catch your wife in bed with another man, but later discover she was just earning 50 experience points with a Helmet of Protection +6.
  • 2584 - First D&D player in history gets laid thanks to the lucky roll of a natural 20.
  • 3000 - Roughly 500 years after the first D&D player got laid his great, great, great, great grandson becomes Supream Dungeon Master of earth.
  • 5000 - the world's first jock plays D&D and becomes D&D master of the universe and all that are contained inside it after beating up Supream Dungeon Master of earth

The history of the United Kingdom

The one duty we owe to history is to rewrite it.


Face masks are 5G conspiracy by Silver Shamrock Novelties
Donald, you should've worn a mask.


Today in London


It is a very sad thing that nowadays there is so little useless information, so did you know...

From Uncyclopedia's playwrights:


Read on

Recent witticisms


Recently published | Requested | Lacking | The brevity of wit | Lost scribblings | Consult your peers

This Month's Wit

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Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.


BePrepared.png

Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!


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Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.


Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners


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For Oscar-related chatter, see this room to talk about Oscar.

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