User talk:Sycamore/Archive 13

Defiled again

It's an evil deed. You should hunt down the culprit or something. --UU - natter 14:53, May 15

I'll let it slide, and let time slowly erode the culprit until the stage where he can bitterly weep his wangs inability to defile...--Sycamore (Talk) 14:55, 15 May 2009 (UTC)

It's funny. Robert Mugabe is the opposite of those things. He was an asshole. It's a lie. It adds to the lies and good portrayal. Stop reverting it. It isn't Irony and that's what the page is. Zimbabwe editor who you reverted today

UnSignpost May 14th

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Better sign it.

May 14th, 2009 • Issue 47 • And you will know our name is the UnSignpost when we lay our news upon you!

Wales Speaks Exclusively to UnSignpost! by UU It's the big one folks, the interview they all wanted, but we got: shy, retiring Wikimedia mogul Jimbo Wales has spoken exclusively to your UnSignpost. Wales (pictured right in happier times) took time out from his busy schedule of inserting further Liberal bias into Wikipedia to share with us his thoughts on the credit crunch, the Obama administration, the Pope's visit to the Middle East, and the future of Uncyclopedia, and the insight is literally devastating in its incisiveness. When pressed on these vital issues, Jimbo confided to us: "You kids get offa my pipe! Now, where's my lawn?" These are words that every user will interpret in their own special way - Jimbo, like all great orators, has the ability to make profound pronouncements that each and every listener will put their own unique spin on, so that it seems he is talking to them alone. Whatever pearl of wisdom you find in this oracular utterance, we are sure it is exactly what you were intended to find. Crowning Acheevement by UU UnSignpost co-editor, Imperial Colonization lynchpin and all-round star user Gerrycheevers has made Uncyclopedian history by becoming the first user ever to win all of the major monthly awards on the wiki: WotM, UotM, NotM, FPotM, and PotM. Plus RotM, although that's not really considered "major". This astonishing fact was pointed out by RAHB, proving quite conclusively that he must have no life whatsoever. When asked for comment, Gerry exclusively told us: "Well, I don't know what to say, really. I suppose my well-roundedness speaks volumes about my excessive amount of free time. My next objective will be to obtain a microphone and continue my quixotic quest to collect all of the awards". Rules < Funny: The Essay by UU Loveable Uncyc pyromaniac The Woodburninator, long known for his views on how "rules" and "funny" should relate to each other, has, in an alcohol-induced "moment of clarity", composed an essay on the subject. He encourages you to read it, and exclusively told us he questions the sexuality of everyone who doesn't. As a completely neutral wiki newspaper, the UnSignpost of course neither endorses nor doesn't endorse any of the views contained within the essay. It just agrees with some of them. Is it a Usergroup if there are no Users Grouped in it? by Joe9320 It has been about a year and a half since Uncyclopedia's once shining usergroup network stopped operating and became extinct. As ever in such circumstances, conspiracy theories have quickly sprung up to explain how this could have happened. Some say that when Chronarion left Uncyclopedia to focus on another project, he left it to the Wikia staff to do all the patrolling, which caused Uncyclopedia's domain name to be changed in October 2008, and the user groups were left to rot with no activity, like the Hittites did when they destroyed their own city and left. Others say that UNSOC killed off every other usergroup, from the Grue Army to UNATO, and had a monopoly on the usergroups. Whether the theories are true or not, the usergroups appear to have all but died. In January 2009, archaeologists from the Philippines dug through the ruins of the usergroups and found compelling evidence that there is still a small amount of activity in the UNSOC group, whose interim leader Necropaxx was heard to observe "UNSOC has about 3 or so active users right now; we just keep that gigantic list to inflate our numbers". The non-existent Cabal have not made any comment about this being a dastardly plan of theirs to ensure the "golden Age" of Uncyclopedia 2005-2007 remains sacrosanct. Because they don't exist, obviously.

Check out these pages! Rewriters, assemble! Confessions of a parody parodist Who needs publicity? From our logs: 18:42, 27 April 2009 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked I AM GOD (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎(Zeus called. He wants his title back. Something about missing having an excuse for incest.) 21:58, 13 May 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 75.47.141.62 (Talk) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎(seek the definition of life in the dictionary. Hint: it does not include so called venegance against humor wikis. Also, seek the definition of vengance. Creating wiki pages does not constitue as such.) 12:49, 14 May 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 82.41.56.104 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (don't blank pages, it's proof you have even less of a life than we do.) Biopic of the Week Colin "All your base" Heaney may possibly have the most annoying username to have to copy and paste into a Signpost biopic in all of Uncyclopedia. A mainstay in such helpful roles as VFD, Colin's accomplishments include contributions to the famed Al Gore colonization, having explosions in his sig that look rather cool when he signs a bunch of times in a row, and setting the record for most electrons used in a userpage and corresponding talk page. Go Colin! Cajek Sighting of the Week Co-founder of the UnSignpost Cajek was sighted this week in an alley behind his userpage, taking out the trash. He also updated his ban counter to a robust 117 and added electricity and magic to the iron fences surrounding the Cajek Mansion. Look for an exclusive fake interview with Cajek in next week's UnSignpost! Desperate Attention Seeker of the Week 00:55, 8 May 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 second ‎ (The) 00:55, 8 May 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 second ‎ (UnSignpost) 00:56, 8 May 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 second ‎ (Had) 00:56, 8 May 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 second ‎ (Better) 00:56, 8 May 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 second ‎ (Run) 00:56, 8 May 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 second ‎ (This) 00:56, 8 May 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 second ‎ (Series) 00:56, 8 May 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 second ‎ (of) 00:56, 8 May 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 second ‎ (Bans) 00:56, 8 May 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 second ‎ (Next) 00:56, 8 May 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 second ‎ (Week) (There were more. We got bored copy/pasting them. Find the rest yourself)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

Hand-delivered by —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 19:06, 15 May 2009 (UTC)

The IP was right

I am a whore! Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 14:12, 16 May 2009 (UTC)

Yeah, you seem to be getting a quite bit of vandalism, I'll keep an eye out if I'm around, and worry about the health effects of doing that later:)--Sycamore (Talk) 12:45, 17 May 2009 (UTC)

Nunavut

Hi, Sycamore. Was that little piece I added to Nunavut really not funny? I actually thought it was about the only thing in that article that was. Let me know, please. Clemens177 22:26, 16 May 2009 (UTC)

Hi there, I've fixed it up to include the stuff you've added and added kept all the language links etc form the older version, looks a lot better:-)--Sycamore (Talk) 12:49, 17 May 2009 (UTC)

Thanks, Sycamore! --Clemens177 18:49, 17 May 2009 (UTC)

Sycamore,

You seem to know what's what around here. If it's not too much trouble, could you click on my name, which will take you to a list of my articles, then tell me if I have any hope around here?

Thanks,

Clemens177 01:38, 18 May 2009 (UTC)

Yeah, your stuff looks good, I've come across it a few times whilst I'm around, probabaly not an idea to sign your articles, but other than that they're very nice additions to the place:-)--Sycamore (Talk) 10:11, 18 May 2009 (UTC)

Thanks! Clemens177 15:44, 18 May 2009 (UTC)

Bless'd

Thou art bless'd by Ra for thou hath voted at the sacred temple for thy Zheliel. User:Zheliel/sigz2

D User:Zheliel/sigz2 09:50, 18 May 2009 (UTC)

Thanks:)--Sycamore (Talk) 10:11, 18 May 2009 (UTC)

Newb Article: Plumage

Greetings and Salutations Sycamore! You commented on my work (added a fix tag) so I've come back for revenge for you to adopt me; maybe? I'd like some feedbacks & stuffs if you please. (Basically wanted to know what you thought needed to be fixed other than the low quantity of funny.) Was the page too snarky? Needing of less humour and more humor? I even made a discussion page for it here. Thanks!  ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*  (talk) (stalk) Π   ~  ~  01:19, 19 May 2009 (UTC)

I've taken the fix off, looking a lot better now, needs moar links and pics. When you're at a good stage check out our Pee Review where you can get some tips to make it better. I'm not taking on any new adoptees for a little while as I am very busy and I would not make a good adopter for a newbie at the moment. Hope this helps:)--Sycamore (Talk) 08:27, 19 May 2009 (UTC)

Hell's Yeah it helps a lot! Links are a good suggestion; I was hoping someone else would do it, but... *sigh* I CAN DO IT! *grin* I KNOW it needs more pics, but I have no idea what other than a jumble of plumage, vinyl siding and muscle cars. Maybeish a good question for Pee Reviewers? Oh, it has been said that there are too many racism links now & I agree; provided there are a lack of other categories/references to soften the blow. What do you think? 'S ok you not taking adoptables right now. My real parents might be sad; like a sad, sad clown. Thanks Again! p.s. (I'll miss "Tim" as a type of mage but I guess no article really needs a Monty Python reference ... let alone two.) ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*  (talk) (stalk) Π   ~  ~  02:23, 20 May 2009 (UTC)

Cool:-)--Sycamore (Talk) 22:15, 20 May 2009 (UTC)

Question Regarding NHL Article

Hello and thanks for the greeting you gave me a while back when I registered on Uncyclopedia. Along with some other creative users, I've been making edits to improve the NHL article. It now has a 5 star rating (and no, I definitely wasn't the only one who rated it!) and a lot of good content. However, there have been some stupid edits made to the article -- and almost all of them have been made by unregistered users (or at least users who did not log in when making the edits), because only the IP addresses are given next to those edits in the article's history. By stupid edits, I'm referring to people making completely irrelevant and unfunny remarks in the article and failing to edit images correctly so that they end up being replaced by incomplete "code" for images. Is there a way to semi-protect the article by restricting edits to registered users who have signed on? I think this will help protect the article against stupid edits. DAK4Blizzard 04:08, 19 May 2009 (UTC)

Yes, that can easily be done, but I lack the awesomeness. Try Under user or Mordillo and they should be able to help you with that:)--Sycamore (Talk) 08:27, 19 May 2009 (UTC)

Pages can easily be protected in that fashion, but we generally only do it in the case of persistent vandalism. What you mention isn't really vandalism, it's more good faith edits by people who don't really know what they're doing, or who haven't got up to speed with "funny" properly. So I'm inclined not to semi-protect it right now. If the IP edits get worse and become a serious problem, let me know, I'll be happy to protect it in a jiffy, but right now I'm not seeing enough reason to. Fair? --UU - natter 10:04, May 19

If life was fair, I'd be wreaking Trica Helfer, instead I'm stuck in a small room the no windows editing.--Sycamore (Talk) 10:19, 19 May 2009 (UTC)

All life is 6/4 against. --UU - natter 10:23, May 19

Good thing I'm lucky--Sycamore (Talk) 11:13, 19 May 2009 (UTC)

Okay, thanks for taking a look at the issue, Sycamore and UU. I really appreciate the quick response. DAK4Blizzard 05:54, 20 May 2009 (UTC)

Ha! My SLA is shorter by twenty minutes. I also give stickers and lollipops. But that's fine, stick with the cheap admin. See if I care. ~ 06:31, 20 May 2009 (UTC)

whats an SLA? Also, lets eat hummus. UU, sycamore, and that polite guy are invited too. And no, it wont slip rat poison or viagra or anything in anybody's hummus :) Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 06:43, May, 20 '09

You have the hummus, I'll have a nice paté, and we can all be happy. --UU - natter 10:48, May 20

yeah, then we do acid and be really happy :) Also, what is an SLA? Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 10:53, May, 20 '09

/me gets ready for some Hasid House--Sycamore (Talk) 10:55, 20 May 2009 (UTC)

SLA. --UU - natter 10:58, May 20

tl;dr Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 11:02, May, 20 '09

The intro line tells you all you need to know. Honestly, you kids and your ADD. --UU - natter 11:04, May 20

whats an ADD? :p Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 11:12, May, 20 '09

Someone who has too much energy, and not enough oulets. I like to open my outlets often. I also like to paddle Modusoperandi's scrotum, but thats another matter entirely.--Sycamore (Talk) 11:16, 20 May 2009 (UTC)

thats ok. I like to kiss my own ass too Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 11:18, May, 20 '09

I can only imagine that must be as satisfying as kissing your own elbow--Sycamore (Talk) 22:16, 20 May 2009 (UTC)

actually, no. Kissing your elbow is physically impossible unless you are gay, which you arent. On the other hand (the left one) kissing one's ass is very common and highly satisfactory. Wikipedia says so Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 22:29, May, 20 '09

You've got some shit to shuffle.

Modus has gone on a VFD spree. Just thought ya' should know. Saberwolf116 01:13, 20 May 2009 (UTC)

Family Guy

No, you don't. You don't have ANY feelings toward your fellow Uncyclopedians. Because (once again) you overprotect the article and leave only the stuff that YOU think is funny, not what everyone thinks is. Many funny references could've been made, if it wasn't for your uniformity of humour. And this has already been discussed, Sycamore. I'm not walking down the same plank again with you. Revert, if you wish... ...to be an asshole in someone's eyes. Sincerely, Shadiac 22:07, 21 May 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost May 21st

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

STOP... SIGNPOST TIME!!

May 21st, 2009 • Issue 48 • I've seen news you... people wouldn't believe

Glorious Cajek return story By Socky Something known as a "Cajek" apparently made some sort of return recently. According to eyewitnesses, he updated his ban counter, wrote a few articles, got some of his old articles deleted, did some nominating and voting stuff at VFH, and made several comments on user talk pages. This, seemingly, is about what he used to do, although few of our readers are old enough to remember his previous contributions to Uncyclopedia. Cajek exclusively told us the following: "Gotta go bye see ya". People disappearing, people reappearing, people with little time on their hands, bots unavailable By Socky & UU What happened to users like MrN9000, Dexter111344, GlobalTourniquet and DrStrange? Were they run over by a train? Did they suffer from a heart attack? Are they running from the law? Or are we just getting too worked up after a couple of weeks' absence? Whatever be the case, we here at the UnSignpost hope they are all right and will be returning to us in the near future. More recently, it has come to our notice that Gerrycheevers, Sonje and RabbiTechno have been missing for at least a couple of days. Perhaps there is a serial killer stalking and brutally murdering bright Uncyc talents? (Are we getting good at this whole "wild press speculation and fear-mongering" thing yet or what?) In the mean time, fortunately, several other users have made glorious returns to Uncyclopedia. As documented elsewhere, a Cajek is apparently back and doing stuff. MNM5150 has been doing some things around places, mostly the forums. Readmesoon has been spotted at VFH and a few talkpages. Yettie has been sporadically active. And Todd Lyons has been doing more stuff recently than he was doing less recently. A lot of users seem to be unable to contribute as their work/school requires them to spend their time on "useful" things. The more young adult users/little kids seem to be struggling with certain "finals", like Mahm00shA for instance. SysRq appears to be working on his graduation. Statistics show that Hyperbole's activity has been rather low, but recently increased dramatically. For how long this trend will continue is uncertain. UU has been here intermittently, but keeps proclaiming himself to be "busy". He commented "I don't have time. In fact, I may not even have time for banning and deleting today, things are going fucking nuts! [...] I have teetering mounds of work, and nowhere near enough time! Arrrrrgh! (I almost feel a second exclamation mark coming on, but nothing's that bad...)" He then proved himself to be a big fat liar by editing this story and various other bits of the UnSignpost. Additionally, while Wikipedia is being overrun by bots, they seem to have gone completely extinct on Uncyclopedia. This has led to our beloved Socky becoming partly mechanized in order to fill the role of paperbot. However, he is currently planning to get his bot operational so he won't have to tire his arse off every week. Porn! Porn! Pr0n! By Socky There has been somewhat of a controversy as of lately about the existence of supposed pornographic images on Uncyclopedia. Some support the view "Only if it's funny.", while others say "Meh." The controversy led Orian57 to put all his gay porn on QVFD. Optimuschris was quoted saying "I don't know what the fuss is all about, there's no porn on Uncyclopedia!" The discussion seems to have concluded in something like "If it's really bothering you and isn't funny in any way, delete it!" Mnbvcxz might also want to add that pictures showing prominent nudity could give rise to some legal issues, though he wasn't actually available for comment, so we can't really be sure. Usergroups! Usergroups! Usergroups! By Socky War is raging in usergroup land. IC, suffering major losses, has been grinded to a halt and was forced into defensive strategy, regressing to trench warfare. But UNSOC, with masses of new recruits, has declared an all out war against any potential competition. Meanwhile, a new powerful group has arisen, Der Unwehr, and they have established themselves as a force to be reckoned with. The Goa Tse Clan has gone into hiding and remains a mystery to most Uncyclopedians. "The End" is being foretold once more By Socky Since this UnSignpost issue almost didn't make it to the press, it was inevitable that there would be foretellings of "The End" and it being "near". On Forum:Count to a million, Orian57 was found stating "we could all die [...] then how stupid would we look?" A lot of users made somewhat eccentric speculations on how several issues were related to this "impending doom". Multiliteralist, Cajek and Optimuschris posted the following "articles" in response to a request to write something for the UnSignpost. Porn and the impending doom By Multiliteralist As we all know, the impending doom to all good things is caused by porn. This vile practice of drawing pictures of naked women has spread so wide among our young men that it is almost impossible to get them to do anything else. User groups and the impending doom By Cajek No wai, the impending doom is caused by user groups! Impending doom and porn By Optimuschris Our porn! The usergroups are coming, and with them...impending doom! Treasure these last few mumble with your porn for the end is nigh! First person article about porn and impending doom By Multiliteralist I was in a usergroup, watching porn. Suddenly I understood watching porn in a usergroup would do nothing against the impending doom. I got rather stuck, and forgot the reason. Later, I forgot about the impending doom as well. That's what watching porn in a usergroup will do to you. Suddenly I understood: if you are the first person in a usergroup, nobody can make you watch porn. My advice if you are in a usergroup and someone tries to make you watch some porn, avert your eyes! if you see porn, remember that the doom is impending. The perfect solution to problems with porn, usergroups, and the impending doom Form your own usergroup and make others watch porn!

Check out these pages! A "clever" forum topic? Has the world gone completely insane? What in the name of Sophia is a "clan"? Voting to close voting on a votey type thing? From our logs MOTHERFUCKING NIGGER LOVER SPECIAL: 21:34, 14 May 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) protected "Nevada" [edit=autoconfirmed] (expires 21:34, 14 May 2010 (UTC)) [move=autoconfirmed] (expires 21:34, 14 May 2010 (UTC)) ‎ (Why is the fucking nigger vandal back? I figured he would have killed himself by now, the little waste of sperm......) 01:38, 16 May 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) protected "ROMAN DOG BIRD IS A NIGGER FAGGOT WHO SUCKS MY COCK" [create=sysop] (indefinite) ‎ (Anybody else here a nigger faggot? Oh, wait, we all probably are. *goes back to eating his god damn fried chicken w/ Colt 45 on the side*) 05:49, 16 May 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 89.212.236.6 (Talk) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (Fucking one trick pony. And stop accusing all of us of being black, you worthless little prick. You do realise how gay that makes you sound when you tell us to suck your dick, right?) 05:55, 16 May 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) protected "UNDER USER IS A NIGGER FAGGOT WHO SUCKS MY COCK 24/7" [create=sysop] (indefinite) ‎ (Oh, you're a clever little cookie, aren't you? I can't WAIT for you to do this me. Too bad I might not be up at the time...oh well.) 06:08, 16 May 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) protected "ROMAN DOG BIRD IS A NIGGER FAGGOT WHO SUCKS MY COCK 24/7" [create=sysop] (indefinite) ‎ (Oh, fuck it, I want to see what this little mongoloid can come up with instead, if anything. But seriously folks, in all seriousness, I'm as black as they get. A friend of mine told me this once.) 18:09, 16 May 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) protected "Joseph Stalin" [edit=autoconfirmed] (indefinite) [move=autoconfirmed] (indefinite) ‎ (Yeah, Bill Cosby pounded me up my gay nigger ass last night. It was HOTT.) 20:27, 16 May 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 89.46.52.10 (Talk) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (Please end your life right now. Go take one od your father's guns, load it, put it in your mouth, and pull the trigger.) 20:30, 16 May 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) huffed "UNCYCLOPEDIA SUCKS!!!!!!!" ‎ (Oh God, first the nigger vandal returns, and then you're ugly ass shows up again to "torment" us with your worthless crap. You need to kill yourself as well.) 20:31, 16 May 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) huffed "Talk:UNCYCLOPEDIA SUCKS!!!!!!!" ‎ (No, really. Tie a noose, put it around your head, hang yourself. Simple.) 20:32, 16 May 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) protected "UNCYCLOPEDIA SUCKS!!!!!!!" [create=sysop] (indefinite) ‎ (Yeah, yeah, we know already, you little crybaby. What did we ever do to you? Oh, wait, all you can do is cry and moan and make pages with periods and then blank them. Speech is beyond you, I guess.) 20:33, 16 May 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) protected "Talk:UNCYCLOPEDIA SUCKS!!!!!!!" [create=sysop] (indefinite) ‎ (And I've never been more serious about this whole suicide thing. I've been reluctant to tell you people to do so in the past, but I really don't care anymore. It's not like you're really going to do it. I'm sure you're having a blast doing this every day.) 20:37, 16 May 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) huffed "Talk:UNNEWS SUCKS!" ‎ (I'm sure you're not as much of a lower life form as I think you are. You just love doing this, knowing how much it irritates us. Me especially, as I'm the only one willing to type out messages this long in response.) 20:40, 16 May 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) huffed "UNCYCLOPEDIA SUCKS!!!!!!!!" ‎ (I wonder what else you'll come up with. Are you just going to keep adding exclamation points? You must be one of the angriest people on the planet or something. You're worse than Idi Amin and God combined.) 20:40, 16 May 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) huffed "Talk:UNCYCLOPEDIA SUCKS!!!!!!!!" ‎ (And I'm sure shit like this has been done before. Originality certainly is dead. I mean, can you get any lamer?) 20:42, 16 May 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) huffed "UNCYCLOPEDIA SUCKS!!!!!!!!!" ‎ (But really now, what if nobody deleted this shit? What if we let you and the nigger vandal just do what you always do? Would you assimilate the website so it's all the same shit? OH! What if you two got into a conflict?! That would be comedy bronze!) 20:43, 16 May 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) huffed "Talk:UNCYCLOPEDIA SUCKS!!!!!!!!!" ‎ (God, just imagine you two going at it, two little twats who think they're the rebellious type going at it, with.....with......oh man....) 20:50, 16 May 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 212.96.165.178 (Talk) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (Yes it does. You're a real rebel aren't you? I bet you've murdered many blacks before and beaten up various others. I am TERRIFIED of you.) 20:51, 16 May 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) protected "Kentuckistan" [edit=sysop] (indefinite) [move=sysop] (indefinite) ‎ (You're talking about how we're nigger faggots like it's a bad thing. Well, if you keep talking about putting your dick in my mouth, that clearly makes you gay. Don't try to tell me you like women. You haven't said anything to prove this.) 22:19, 16 May 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) protected "Ohio" [edit=sysop] (indefinite) [move=sysop] (indefinite) ‎ (Oh, so it's a domination thing, right? You can't possibly be gay since you're making me suck your cock, but I'm the one enjoying it since I'm a gay nigger, which is the type of person you hate. Right, okay, but do you like women? Y'know, with the vaginer?) 15:50, 17 May 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked ZooZoo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (Your mother is a nigger. You are what you hate.) 17:43, 17 May 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 85.94.198.122 (Talk) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (TYLER LIONS!!! YOU KEEP GETTING BETTER AND BETTER!!!!! AND MORDILLO IS A JEW, MY NIGGER!!!!!!!) 17:50, 17 May 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) protected "Maryland" [edit=autoconfirmed] (expires 17:50, 17 May 2010 (UTC)) [move=autoconfirmed] (expires 17:50, 17 May 2010 (UTC)) ‎ (Tyler Lions? Never heard a more niggerish name then that! Let's lynch 'em!!!!!!) 20:27, 17 May 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) protected "Louisiana" [edit=autoconfirmed] (expires 20:27, 17 May 2010 (UTC)) [move=autoconfirmed] (expires 20:27, 17 May 2010 (UTC)) ‎ (Well, you're finally listening to me! But Hitler's been long dead! How the fuck is he going to take out Mordildo? Don't talk for my nigguh hitler, man.) 15:42, 18 May 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) protected "Work" [edit=sysop] (expires 15:42, 18 May 2010 (UTC)) [move=sysop] (expires 15:42, 18 May 2010 (UTC)) ‎ (Yo nigga, imma gonna break free from deese chains and fill yo cracka ass up wit mah dick, honkey bitch) Biopic of the Week MOTERFUCKING NIGGER BITCH LOVER is the token black admin. Known for his rampant homosexuality and love of sucking the cocks of racist vandals, he's forever spoiling the fun of innocent, hardworking vandals by deleting their masterpieces about their friends, and then adds insult to injury by banning them with excitable and lengthy comments. Bastard. He'll probably get lynched by the KKK before too long. Cajek Notice of the Week He was banned a couple times. No, seriously. See for yourself.

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Brought to you by —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 22:49, 21 May 2009 (UTC)

UnBooks:Diary of a washed up hack

Nice looking book. The writing style fits well, although it could use more pointless references to old memes and Wilde. Perfect choice of picture. Have some cheese --Concernedresident 15:28, 22 May 2009 (UTC)

Thanks:-)--Sycamore (Talk) 15:29, 22 May 2009 (UTC)

High School Girl

Hey, I've been here much longer than you have, don't tell me how the site works, also, I happen to have written that article, so I would like to maintain it being not shit. If you see the current version, you will undoubtedly notice many useless asides, such as an entire paragraph talking about boots. No satire, no jokes, just about boots. Completely unacceptable. So instead of doggedly undoing a GOOD ARTICLE, why not actually reading it first and see which is better and more coherent. Also, the list of quotes is fun. It stays.

(User since Jan. 2006)

--Kanaku kun 17:44, 22 May 2009 (UTC)

My mistake, as you were...--Sycamore (Talk) 17:46, 22 May 2009 (UTC)

Sorry if that came off harsh, but I just wanted the problem resolved in a speedy manner. I understand that you were probably looking for a malicious edit, lol.

Sure yeah, pub lunch always gets me tipsy, paticulalry later in the day:-)--Sycamore (Talk) 17:56, 22 May 2009 (UTC)

Syc, you should place a sign on your userpage: EST. 2007. ~ 18:02, 22 May 2009 (UTC)

I don't get it.--Sycamore (Talk) 18:06, 22 May 2009 (UTC)

Famous Sycamore's, Established 2007. This is me using a metaphor of you being a pub and murdering the joke dead. Oh well. ~ 18:08, 22 May 2009 (UTC)

Oh yeah I see that. That's almost quite funny;)--Sycamore (Talk) 18:10, 22 May 2009 (UTC)

Peanuts and beer don't count as a pub lunch, at least not in this messed-up world. Damn the future! --Concernedresident 23:13, 22 May 2009 (UTC)

Damned Admins

• (If I was an admin I would add a check template to a single report, just to annoy an over zealous anal poopsmith.)

Just saving my place, seeing as Uncyc is just one of a number of things I'm doing today. And honestly, ranked by importance, it's dead last.  :) --T. (talk) 15:28, 23 May 2009 (UTC)

Don't try and pretend you're 'too cool' for uncyc, I've seen you about;)--Sycamore (Talk) 15:58, 23 May 2009 (UTC)

Heh. I have kids, so coolness has little to do with it.  :) But I suppose I'm pretty anal myself, having to bite my knuckles while watching you write Diary of a washed up hack in exasperated, sputtering degrees. My inner poopsmith desperately wanted to school you in the use of the preview button, and the minor edit checkbox. ;) --T. (talk) 16:25, 23 May 2009 (UTC)

Yeah I know my methods can be questionable, but the results speak for themselves...--Sycamore (Talk) 16:31, 23 May 2009 (UTC)

For certain. :) You wouldn't be in the Hall of Shame otherwise. I was really just amused by the candor and self-awareness of your comment, and wanted to respond. We're wired alike in some respects. Hopefully this is good for mutual understanding, rather than just driving each other nuts. ^_^ --T. (talk) 17:03, 23 May 2009 (UTC)

I drive everyone nuts, it's contagious so soon no one will be able to tell the difference. I'm glad you like that little one, I hopefully captured the whole ego of the feeling and it reminds me not to take myself too seriously:)--Sycamore (Talk) 11:27, 24 May 2009 (UTC)

Dearest Sycamore:

Upon remembering that you requested that I, your most loyal servant, read a page of yours and lend my humble hand should it be required, I did so. In addition I plan to do so more should, should the opportunity arise at my place of work. Forgive this scribe if he should incorrectly recall any of the details of the book and film in question, as it has been many years since he has seen either.
Your mumblingest mumblings,
Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 04:09, 24 May 2009 (UTC)

You seem to have found it, though you have failed to find the 'clitoris of doom'. Also is it true that you only sleep one hour a night and have facial reconstructive surgery every two years?--Sycamore (Talk) 11:27, 24 May 2009 (UTC)

I've only just started messing it up, and it's two years a night and every one hour. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 11:31, 24 May 2009 (UTC)

Guestbook

You signed it some time ago and I've finally made a template =D

Well, you signed my guestbook! You deserve a beautifully made ugly template dedicated in your honour.

User:Zheliel/sigz2 04:59, 24 May 2009 (UTC)

Thanks there:)--Sycamore (Talk) 11:29, 24 May 2009 (UTC)

Sciencenews1

Umm... what do you mean, it needs to be expanded? It links to Portal:Science (sorry it doesn't but something links to it), and will be expanded when scientific news become available, and/or when I/someone else digs them up somewhere and twists them. It's mostly a dump for the newspieces that don't fit on the portal page. Will be, to be exact. Now it has part of what the Portal page has. By the way, the Hack article looked good, I had a look when I spotted reference to it in Mordillo's talk page. -- Style  Guide 12:33, 26 May 2009 (UTC)

Cool, sorry I did not realize it was part of that, if you could add categories to all the subpages of these it would be helpful. I can create one for you, with any title you like. Thanks I'm glad you like my hack article, I felt that if I wrote about being a hack, it could not follow that I was one. I now realize how wrong I was;)--Sycamore (Talk) 12:37, 26 May 2009 (UTC)

-if you could add categories to all the subpages of these it would be helpful <- you lost me with that one.

• You must be one of the 5 people here I haven't asked about co-writing. I'll ask now. How about it? I have about 17 ideas and 17.500 half-finished articles, but I can just as easily work on someone else's ideas. For me, it's somehow far more fun to work with others - I do a lot of stuff alone so it's change for me. Also, I've always made my best stuff with others. It's the instant feedback. Also also, it's the quickest way to get to see how others think, which is interesting. -- Style  Guide 18:10, 27 May 2009 (UTC)

First bit: articles like this for your portals come up: Portal:Science/Promotion. It's helpful for all articles to be categorized at some level. Having pages sorted tends to improve content and keeps topics defined and hopefully a larger scale of imprvement can being as opposed to pockets of good stuff. It is also helpful in many other ways in catching vandals (though much less so now as there are many more active admins). I would be gratful if you and the whole portal project could help with this.

For collab, I like it. I'll be on holiday for a week from Saterday, but I think any stuff could be looked at now if you like:-)--Sycamore (Talk) 21:28, 27 May 2009 (UTC)

OK, I got that - I did earlier but I thought you meant something else. Is it OK to have templates as just Template:thisandthat? they're not often hit randomly I think.

On collab, OK, let's start. I would like chat first because it's so quick for feedback. Did a few with Mhaille, with good results. What's your time zone? Mine's CET +2 I think - anyway, Helsinki, Riga, Tallinn - and it's now 10:35 here. I'll check chat, say, on every two hours today, on the hour, starting at 11:00. Is your username the same there? -- Style  Guide 07:37, 28 May 2009 (UTC)

I'm on British time, I tend to come onto the IRC later in the day, I've a few articles in the pipeline whcih I don't want to get blown off. I was thinking this one could be quite a nice collab: User:Sycamore/L’Étranger? when I've dusted off the one I'm doing with Modus (if he stops being a lazy arse). What do you think?--Sycamore (Talk) 12:36, 28 May 2009 (UTC)

Its been long since I read The Stranger. I might be able to provide something but how about we write a nonsense biography of Camus? I think parts of the book work better as excerpts in these Uncyc articles. Let's twist this about in chat later, I'll be in there during evening.-- Style  Guide 14:09, 28 May 2009 (UTC)

VFP

Erm, as your adoptee, I would just like to ask a question. How do I get my hands of VFP? I just can't resist not nominating some images like Ruboko.jpg Wiki.png etc. Help? (P.S. I don't want to be like Kakun. User:Zheliel/sigz2 11:23, 28 May 2009 (UTC)

Well I would not nominate stuff that nobody (sensible) is going to vote for, and only nominate something you actually believe could be a successful nomination. I think this answers your question?:)--Sycamore (Talk) 12:29, 28 May 2009 (UTC)

Yep, thanks User:Zheliel/sigz2 10:37, 2 June 2009 (UTC)

a question mark

there is a whole article about " how to beat your wife" so why do you not accept that i write a part 

about beating jennifer love hewitt in the article about her ?Www 13:18, 28 May 2009 (UTC)

Maybe have a read of this, HTBFANJS.--Sycamore (Talk) 14:20, 28 May 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost! May 28th, 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Gets Its News Solely From Vandalism Johnny Is Teh FAGXORZ!!111 SHUT UP DOUCHEBAG!!11

May 28th, 2009 • Issue 49 • The kind of news your momma warned you about

Going Portal by UU Under conditions of great secrecy, a select group of talented volunteers has been slaving away at the wiki-coalface, dedicating themselves to the selfless task of bringing Uncyclopedia a dedicated selection of portal pages. And now their tireless efforts are starting to bear fruit, with the first few being linked on the Main Page by noted twirly star of David, Mordillo. He proudly flagged them up as "new!", until Bradaphraser, more accurately understanding the IQ of the average Uncyclopedian, flagged then as "newd!" instead. What, some of you may ask, are portal pages? Well, rather than have us explain it laboriously for you (because that sounds like, you know, effort), why not take a look at the following highly sexy portals: Politics; Games; Science; History and Art. And with more to come including the intriguing concept of a Quaint portal from Cajek, one thing's for sure: there has recently been an increase in the number of portals on Uncyclopedia. What? Nile and Nile related articles invade Uncyclopedia! by Docile hippopotamus Actually, Nile and Nile related articles are not invading Uncyclopedia - we merely wanted to say that to see if you, the reader, were gullible enough to believe it. And you were. More like, "Nile and Nile related articles invade Uncyclopedia hoax!" Let's find out what Sir Edward Mahm00shA, professor of Egyptian history and archaeology at Oxford university exclusively had to say about this: "It is a lie. And Ra saw it was no good. And the band is with me. And they hath uttered not a word about invading Uncyclopedia. Verily! Ra hacketh off the phallus of he who lieth". See now? Undeniable proof from Sir Edward Mahm00shA that the band is chilling with him and have not even mentioned invading Uncyclopedia. We also asked the wealthy Egyptian and Babylonian antique collector Mr. Great Lung Sphincter of Nebuchadnezzar the 1st to comment and he exclusively replied: "Nile doesn't have any power. Now the Tigris-Euphrates, that's a different story". Not only does this tell us that the Tigris-Euphrates conspiracy theorists are cooler than Nile conspiracists, but that Nile could not invade Uncyclopedia even if they wanted to, and you should be afraid of the Tigris-Euphrates conspiracy theorists - very afraid. To sum it up, there is no Nile and Nile related articles invasion of Uncyclopedia, just as there is no cabal.

Check out these pages! A true Uncyc legend returns! Promise to make a vote, the whole vote and nothing but the vote Big audio dynamite From our logs: 19:47, 25 May 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 88.208.208.132 (Talk) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (Yep, you're really trying, I see. Great, keep the laughs coming, Mr. Funny Man.) 09:37, 25 May 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 209.146.77.35 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (You meant "make love to me, she dog") 20:43, 24 May 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 41.154.2.5 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Vandalizing articles, smearing dog shit all over Todd Lyons's car, etc.) 10:48, 23 May 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 210.211.138.192 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (don't blank, I'm running out of insulting ban reasons.) Biopic of the Week Todd Lyons has been on Uncyclopedia forever. No, seriously, he started editing in 2005 - and he's still here! He cut his article writing teeth on Dwight Schultz, and went on to write a further 98 of the buggers, while nailing his first feature with Fecal E.Coli, which started a run of 18.5 front page appearances up to the recent Kinsey Report No. 3: Sexual Behavior in Hamsters. He's been an admin longer than most of our readership have been users. Put together. And he still has all his own teeth, he tells us! Blatant Filler of the Week This box here, which is blatant padding so the formatting of this issue looks about right. Cajek ban of the Week 22:16, 26 May 2009 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (Unacceptable username: ...too few recent bans for my liking....)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

The only newspaper to be delivered by MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 19:38, 28 May 2009 (UTC)

This wiki is wonderful!

You guys are too funny. You have too much time on your hands (which means I want to play too but may not be funny enough).

Thanks:-)--Sycamore (Talk) 15:49, 29 May 2009 (UTC)

Thanks!

I just came by to thank all you. Because you did something I like to see in this newer generation, and that's appreciating those of us on the wrong side of 50. These days, getting featured isn't as easy as it used to be. Why, back in my day any ol' whippersnapper could throw something together and put it on the front page. Not anymore, not anymore at all. So I am glad to see myself on the front page of the good ol' wiki before I die. I guess its nothing big, but oh well. Anyways, I got to get back to helping Elmo now, so I better get going (he thinks his dresser is trying to kill him again.)

   Tagstit    talk    contribs    awards   17:49, 31 May 2009 (UTC)

Hey, question

How did you become a poopsmith? And if I wanted to become one, what would you recommend? Saberwolf116 00:43, 2 June 2009 (UTC)

Hi there, forgive the late reply... well... ummm... I think maybe you are asking a question that would be out of my place to answer. With admins, poopsmiths etc, I would always personally favour candidates that are highly active contributors in terms of high quality articles (RabbiTechno, Gerrycheevers), as this affects attitude and performance in such roles. I was chosen by Mordillo, after UU and MrN9000 were opped. To be frank it's just a glorified archiving job, and it's not really anything special. As a bit of wisdom, I would avoid this aspect of the site, the sorts who contribute a lot to these pages can often be misleading as to what this place is about, and VFD has become more of a hindrance as it (in my view) puts people off as it sets up a scenario that is progressively prohibitive to new creative article contributors. If you value my opinion I would stick to writing articles and avoid trying to be a 'maintenance user' - it's just a cheap front for people to say that they don't come to a wiki to write articles and they can win award templates. The way to look at it is that if you are unhappy with your current efforts, you've got everything to play for. As you go along and win some of the awards the pressure for your work to be gold goes up, and to some extent stops contributors from writing as much. Although discouraging of your current aims, I hope this helps - also congrats on RoTM:-)--Sycamore (Talk) 10:25, 7 June 2009 (UTC)

Essentially what I said, only in much better wording. ~ 10:29, 7 June 2009 (UTC)

I can be eloquent in the same way I can be course, as above, so below. Also after going on Uncyc facebook group I saw many of the contributors... all I will say is a certain 1970s detective beginning with K;)--Sycamore (Talk) 10:43, 7 June 2009 (UTC)

Good old Talli. A shame he died really. I was fond of him O_O ~ 13:06, 7 June 2009 (UTC)

He can't die, mark my words, he's just on a sabbatical from his life. Also bought final season of Galactica! Woo!--Sycamore (Talk) 14:45, 7 June 2009 (UTC)

Thanks for the advice, Syc. I appreciate it, but I think my problem is that I simply cannot write good articles. I like reviewing them, as it's sort of practice to be a film/game critic when i'm an adult, but I don't have much talent for creating them. So I think i'll stick to dominating PR, and forget the whole poopsmith thing. And seeing as how we're never gonna have another VFS, i'll forget that too. Appreciate the help, Syc. Saberwolf116 17:29, 7 June 2009 (UTC)

Saber, if you never try you'll never write! Now stop being a pussy and write something! ~ 19:09, 8 June 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost June 4th, 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Telling You Stuff You Already Knew, But With Different Words!

June 4th, 2009 • Issue 50 • I love the smell of news in the morning!

Todd not Lionised by all? By UU Uncyclopedia's long-cherished status as the worst was given a massive fillip this week with the discovery that genial admin Todd Lyons has his own Facebook hate group. This considerable accomplishment has to be considered among the highest praise ever bestowed on an admin of this wiki. Kosher kvetcher Mordillo even opined that it makes him the #1 admin on the wiki, as "even Mhaille doesn't have a hate group!" Lyons himself was deeply touched by the tribute, exclusively telling the USP: "I'm a bit surprised (though not touched, like the WotM nomination this month), because I generally shy away from the snappy/nasty ban summaries that would guarantee me a spot in the UnSignpost. Really, RDB is my #1 pick for this, and richly deserves to have a hate group on Facebook (if not several dozen by now). :) Second, if I had any insecurities that I'd lost my touch with the ban hammer after being on hiatus, they're gone. The arm's feeling great. The surgery seems to have been a 100% success. I'm feeling good that I'll be able to finish out the season and hopefully garner some interest as a bureaucrat when I become a free agent this fall." The group's creator was unavailable for comment, probably due to being banned. Comings and Goings By Gerrycheevers As you may or may not have noticed, there recently seems to be a flurry of returns and hiatuses (hiati?) on this silly wiki that some of us like to call Uncyclopedia. This could be due to a number of things: the end of the school year and thus the end of studying and finals; the summer season causing new and strange emotions in internet comedy writers; the revolving door recently installed at the Uncyclopedia headquarters. Regardless of the reason, those returning have been 'welcomed', and those leaving have been warned that their userpages will be mercilessly vandalized should their vacation extend overly long. Popular aquatic creature user Finnius claims to have returned. His contributions since returning have thus far been limited to announcing his return in the forum (as required by Uncyclopedia Bylaw #435), but the Unsignpost is confident of a return laced with quality pee and other, less pungent useful contributions. The elusive Cajek, a mythical creature once thought to exist only in the surreal dreams of squirrels, has returned gloriously upon the back of a giant squirrel. So at least some part of the myth was true. Take that, science! Other returns include Dexter111344 after a brief hiatus and Gouncyclopedia!, who evaded a years-long block to announce his return in the forums (UB435 again). Perhaps the most noted of all, faithful new dog Dognewspaper returns from a one-month hiatus to appear in this story. Other users have seen a decline or all-out drop-off in their contribution level. SysRq remains on an indefinite hiatus. Gerrycheevers has seen his number of edits dwindle as of late. MrN9000 is still among the missing. Codeine is apparently gone as well, and Necropaxx will be losing his precious internet. We bid these users to hurry back, lest their userpages and works be smited with the hammer of pointless vandalism.

Check out these pages! Image spam Another one bites the dust Admin competence? From our logs: 01:08, 3 June 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 24.8.59.236 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (So far you've edited the pages 'your mom' and 'school'. Want me to try and guess your age?) 07:46, 2 June 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 203.17.189.150 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (bored fuckes should go fuck boards. It's too early in the morning and I can't think of anything smart to say) 20:04, 30 May 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 174.117.160.23 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Cyberbullying: we don't want to hear about people you know and why you want to suck their dick. I know that's not quite what you said, but something about what you said implied it) 20:38, 29 May 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked Da Wizard Of Oz (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (PLEASE MASSUH WHIP ME, OH MAH GOD, I'M GETTIN' SO HOT, I'LL SUCK YO DICK!!!!!!) Biopic of the Week The very Reverend Zim ulator is the undisputed, acknowledged, and slightly puce master of UnNews. As such, reporting about him in a newspaper may be an act of such metaphysical self-referentialism that it creates a negative feedback loop, destroying the universe, or at least this wiki. But, in the name of bringing Zim's name to our readership, that's a risk we're willing to take. We'd normally link to a bunch of stuff he's done at this point, but just take a look at UnNews - as we mentioned, he's basically the guy who keeps it all tickin'. Rats off to ya, Zim! Old School Featured Article of the Week In a week when Obama is trying to reach out to the Muslim community, perhaps it is an apt time to consider how far he is going to have to reach. Will he ever be able to bridge the gap all the way to the readership of American Fundie Magazine? "The magazine for "True Christians™", was formed to cater to the needs of the modern biblical fundamentalist", and is just as relevant today as it was way back in 2006. VFD kept article of the week Plan 11 from Outer Space has been referred to as "amusing", "pretty funny" and "hilarious". Go see why people thought it worth having around.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

Delievered by Saberwolf116 02:01, 5 June 2009 (UTC)

Heteros?

Here's the link: User:Multiliteralist/The_only_true_heteros. I have been thinking about Albert Camus but I have trouble coming up with anything funny about a real person, barring nonsense. I think satire works easier if the angle is shifted a bit more. If you have other ideas you want to co-write, I'll participate. -- Style  Guide 11:43, 7 June 2009 (UTC)

I've started on the only true hetros one - obviously anything that you don't like, just change or remove. i'm hunting down an image or two, looks like it might by quite a tidy little aritcle we could have.--Sycamore (Talk) 14:43, 7 June 2009 (UTC)

I read it through - what if we used more scientific language instead of "buggery" and so forth? Otherwise looks good, the start is complicated enough to throw the reader off track a bit, and then the punchline just lands out of nowhere. Could be slightly more coherent but let's not force that, vague is quite OK too. I couldn't yet find a good link for the Dr. Beverley reference - I guess we'll just have to leave it for the reader to remember. I have the DVD, if I have the guts I'll watch it some day and find out which song it is where he delivers his immortal wisdom. He's such a sorry sight that the video is not very amusing though. -- Style  Guide 18:54, 7 June 2009 (UTC)

Also what would be funny in this kind of thing: let's write the bit I started with in Sir Humphrey Appleby style: first with really long, complex sentences etc. and then in ordinary language. -- Style  Guide 19:13, 7 June 2009 (UTC)

I came up with stuff, I put it on the talk page. Tell me what you think before we go there, it's a slight twist of direction. -- Style  Guide 05:31, 8 June 2009 (UTC)

Footnotes could be the vehicle if done right - check the talk page again when you have time. -- Style  Guide 15:02, 8 June 2009 (UTC)

May I ask why?

Forest Whitaker's Lazy Eye. It has had a Pee Review on it, then fixed up and made better. Got a decent enough score on it as well. Can you help me understand why you placed a fix-up tag on it? Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 17:31, 8 June 2009 (UTC)

I added it on the basis that it seemed to be below par, it does not really parody or make fun of Forest Whitaker, it just a mentally challenged splurge about his eye. I'm sure you can put more effort into your work than this. Uncyclopedia is funny and not just stupid. I hope there can be mutual agreement on this, and I'm sure you'll agree this material would fit better on a wiki whose intention was to be solely random or defamatory. In answer to your first question yes you may, and I hope I have made my reasons clear.--Sycamore (Talk) 21:33, 8 June 2009 (UTC)

Yes, your reasons are clear. I do, however, disagree. I find this piece quite funny. It is nothing that I would expect to get VFH'd. It is, as you put it, too random for that. I do, however, find it as a perfectly good, comedic piece on this site. However, I will do my best to answer your qualms.

1. "it does not really parody or make fun of Forest Whitaker, it just a mentally challenged splurge about his eye."

   Somehow, I doubt you could get past the first section of this article if you truly think this piece is just about the eye. The piece is meant to be a parody of two things. One: Old school uncyc, with its penchant for vandalism and saying very very stupid stuff about something, in this case Mr. Whitaker's eye, which, as I mention in the piece, is actually a genetic condition. Second, it is a parody of Whitaker and actors in general. The Forest that I created for this piece is well spoken and down to earth, which stands in stark contrast to the idiots from section 1, but at the same time a little cocky and self-important. However, it would seem that when he wrote this, his knowledge of the site goes far enough as to link to his real page. Here, he sees a problem. There is not an actual page on this site for "Forest Whitaker". (Herein lies another joke. Whitaker is very very self-important and assured of his importance, then sees that this website doesn't even have an article on him, and that his lazy eye is more famous around here. This does come as a shock to him. For someone who thinks that they are so important, but finds out that they are not really important at all, this would be ironic.) Finally, as Gerry said in his review of the article, which can be found on the talk page, this article is "punchline article". The "Suck it douche bags" line is a parody of Whitaker's earlier lines, which are so eloquent and well spoken. His line instead falls into the idiotic ramblings of those found in section one, which it seems that he himself crossed out. This, too, I feel is ironic. Whether or not the piece is, as you put it, "mentally challenged", I do not know nor care. I would, however, ask of you to think twice before again telling a person that their writing is, to paraphrase, retarded. You see, because someone could take offense to this one day, and to them I would place no blame.

2. "I'm sure you can put more effort into your work than this."

   About this, I could not disagree with you more. I have worked on this piece. The effort was put forward. As I hope I helped you understand the comedy that I find in this piece explains, there is more to the piece than meets the eye upon the first glance. This was all quite purposeful, and did not happen overnight. I worked on the piece, crafted it to a point, and put it up for pee review while it was still in my userspace to help me understand if the comedy was understood (and my writing sound) and if people understood it for what it was as a parody piece. Here, as I said earlier, I got a review from Gerry. (as a side note, I was afraid that whomever reviewed my article would review it as just an idiot piece, but I cannot give enough credit to Gerry for his review. I know it was not any easy one to do, and I still am impressed. If nothing else is understood from this message, please let it be what a fantastic reviewer Gerry is.) Using his help, I fixed and shaped it more, before finally being pleased with the shape it was in, and placing it where it is now. I beg of you to please not question the effort I put into any of my articles again. Though some of them may be seemingly random, or not as well-worded as others, I promise you that none of them leave my userspace without my crafting and until I am pleased with the outcome, or if I start them in mainspace, the {{WIP}} template does not come off until I am satisfied with where the article is at, and can be proud of it.

3. "Uncyclopedia is funny and not just stupid. I hope there can be mutual agreement on this..."

   Yes. I agree. But I feel that your wording is important here. "Uncyclopedia is funny and not just stupid." Just. Simple word, but because of that word, I agree with you. If this article were purely about stupid, than of course it would make no sense to stay. But according to your words, it would only be wrong if it were simply "just stupid" and had no "funny" behind it. Therefore, I take from it that an article can be stupid, so long as it is funny too. I, too, believe that this article has comedy in it. As explained in the section about parody, I hope you understand where this comedy stems from, and why one may find it funny. Where in our many many rules does it say that an article must be high-brow, and cannot be stupid? Though stupid humor is often looked down upon, it is no less an adequate form of comedy than high-brow. However, I do not consider this article "stupid humor." Perhaps not high-brow, but it does not fall perfectly into the "stupid humor" sub domain. The first section obviously does, but it does not stay there.

4. "...and I'm sure you'll agree this material would fit better on a wiki whose intention was to be solely random or defamatory."

   No. And, here, I may ask then if you understood the article at all. The intent here was never to be defamatory. The first section may be construed that way, but it is meant to be from the hands of vandals and idiots, and sets the stage for the second and third section. There is a reason why section one is crossed out. The last two sections I do not see as defamatory at all, and have a hard time understanding how one could.

I hope I have helped you understand the jokes and the reasoning behind all of my decisions regarding the article. I therefor ask, here and now, that you take a second look. Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 23:05, 8 June 2009 (UTC)

I'll think about it.--Sycamore (Talk) 07:31, 9 June 2009 (UTC)

Jumping in, I wouldn't put a Fix tag on an article by a well established writer, even if you don't like it. I read the article, it's a bit bizarre but I wouldn't classify it as "...and I'm sure you'll agree this material would fit better on a wiki whose intention was to be solely random or defamatory." I'm going to remove the tag. ~ 07:55, 9 June 2009 (UTC)

I'd rather not have any drama, remove it - I'm sure it's great work.--Sycamore (Talk) 08:01, 9 June 2009 (UTC)

umm....

why did ya remove the "kifflom" and "kimchi" categories from my article? sure it is completely unused and stuff..but still. I don't get it. ~ルーミア Rumia チルノ Cirno 05:32, 9 June 2009 (UTC)

Fucked with a knife

I'm hardcore Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 14:32 June 9 '09

Yay! My first real rape!! Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 14:33 June 9 '09

You should treasure this moment. And clean the knife and put it back in the drawer.--Sycamore (Talk) 14:36, 9 June 2009 (UTC)

and you should call an ambulance Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 14:41 June 9 '09

Seriously, It's ok, I can put it all back in (I can be very gross, continue baiting me at your own peril);)--Sycamore (Talk) 14:44, 9 June 2009 (UTC)

Man, one's first rape is a very special moment. Also, you sure you dont need an ambulance? :) Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 14:46 June 9 '09

Yes it is special, you can tell your grandchildren about it. As far as the ambulance is concerned a series of plasters and straps will suffice for the anal cunt. Plus I'll use give myself a transfusion from the blood samples Olipro sends me in a creepy fashion with flowers. I can only hope I don't get Aids, or worse, become a Tory.--Sycamore (Talk) 15:51, 9 June 2009 (UTC)

dude, I think it should be anal cut not anal cunt :) Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 16:12 June 9 '09

Award

Rabbi Techno would like to honour you with the coveted

BLUE SCROTUM AWARD
Which is given to those who have demonstrated remarkably excellent judgement,
impeccable good taste and faultless, all-encompassing wisdom
(by doing something like voting for ME to win WotM).
Well done and thankyou, from Rabbi Techno.

---

No probs, you should have got it ages ago:-)--Sycamore (Talk) 08:03, 11 June 2009 (UTC)

Yech

I don't know if it's been done but my footnotes are almost at the foaming stage already. "Buttocks" seems to be the keyword. -- Style  Guide 18:22, 11 June 2009 (UTC)

Articel starts looking good to me. If you want to add/adjust something, do so, and otherwise if you want to, move it to main space. UnNews might be the best spot since it's on front page. Title? I cannot come up with anything right now. I'm off for a vacation trip for a week or so now, see you later. The mainspacing can just as well wait until then by me. -- Style  Guide 08:40, 15 June 2009 (UTC)

Yeah sure, I'll keep at it, I'll see if I can come up with a good title idea, See you in a week or so:-)--Sycamore (Talk) 08:48, 15 June 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost June 11th/12th/whatever

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Wonders What Happened To You. You Used To Be Cool.

June 11th, 2009 • Issue 51 • Also available in convenient suppository form!

"Uncyclopedia Worst, Boys Smelly" Declares User By Gerrycheevers In a move that shocked the Uncyclopedia community, female user Kamikazewatermelon09 this week posted a topic in the lovable Pancake House of Benson. The shocking part of the incident was that an actual girl visited Uncyclopedia. Hooray! Our numerous virgin users can now cross off 'make contact with a woman (without giving a credit card number) over the internet, phone, or via smoke signal' from the list of steps towards achieving manhood. Though we can't help you with that face-to-face stuff...we hear that genre of contact is terrifying. The content of the post was too lengthy and riddled with cooties for the male, attention span deficient UnSignpost editors to actually read. Furthermore, the UnSignpost Executive Board refuses to add cootie insurance to the UnSignpost employee health plan. However, resident awesome potatochopper and known girl Sonje was recruited to read the message and react as if she had been asked a clever question by a hypothetical handsome UnSignpost reporter. From her exclusive comments, it seems that the topic poster was disappointed in the vulgarity and immaturity displayed by many of our gentlemen users. "I find the crassness rather endearing," Sonje responded, "in moderation." So, the moral of the story is: the users who really count will forgive us our occasional desire to cuss a blue streak or upload some boob-related images. So...go nuts! Cabal Criticism of the Week By: Gerrycheevers This week, lead Cabalist Mordillo blocked The Wizard Of Oz with an expiry time of Judgement Day, and did not provide a reason for the epic pwning. We here at the UnSignpost would like to call out Mordillo on this lack of explanation. Not as a courtesy to the user, which he certainly did not earn through his insertions of a weird version of a California article into several unseeming places. No, we would like to know why Mordillo did not take advantage of an opportunity that was ripe with comedic potential. Surely this poor soul's username could have resulted in a ban reason referencing shiny red shoes or flying monkeys? A statement concerning the location of the user being a place that is not Kansas? We would have settled for a measly 'looking for a brain' line. But instead, you left us hanging, Mordillo. We'd like to officially call you on it, and we take comfort in knowing that though you can ban the editors, and you can ban our freedom, you can never ban the UnSignpost. Though, on second thought, you could delete it.

Check out these pages! Invisible Forum! Happy Birthday Sonic80! Happy Birthday Woody! Happy Birthday Modusoperandi! FREAKING LIAR! From our logs: 15:19, 7 June 2009 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked 94.192.116.120 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎(How To: Fuck off for 3 months) 17:49, 7 June 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 92.1.87.74 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎(one two fuck you!) 10:00, 8 June 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 203.190.33.94 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎(comedy website. all football clubs get equal treatment here - ie a merciless slagging. mind you, chelsea really do suck.) Biopic of the Week Of all of the writers enshrined in the Uncyclopedia Hall of Shame, Electrified mocha chinchilla has the highest number of featured articles without having ever been profiled in the UnSignpost. Whoops, not anymore. Anyway, his list of works reads like a what's-what of awesomeness. The entity known as e|m|c also organized and ran several Poo Lit Surprise competitions. Worshipful notes and pie can be sent to his talk page. Retraction of the Week In last week's exceedingly humorous edition of the UnSignpost, we referred to Uncyclopedia Bylaw #435 was requiring all returning users to announce themselves in the forums. This is actually Bylaw #453. We apologize for the mistake, and also from the confusion resulting from the real Bylaw #435, which states that every 94 days a user's dog must be sacrificed to the Rancor. Sorry Led, and get well Fluffy! This Week in Uncyc, 1215 The Magna Carta was signed by King John of England, granting certain rights to serfs, peasants, slaves, farmers, and servants. This was immediately parodied in Ye Olde Signeposte, Uncyclopedia's bi-weekly periodical of the time. It was depicted as a document that forced King John to admit he had the power to tax servants, control every aspect of farmer's lives, and shoot serfs in his Royal Preserves for sport.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

I think I'm going crazy. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 13:58, 12 June 2009 (UTC)

Folding@home?

Wha? What's that? User:Zheliel/sigz2 10:12, 17 June 2009 (UTC)

It's an online project where some of your computer's CPU is used by a university to solve the worlds problems, to my understanding. It has some stuff on the page. A lot of people seem to be doing it, so if you fancy I'm sure its an alright thing to get involved with:)--Sycamore (Talk) 19:58, 17 June 2009 (UTC)

Ooh, okay. User:Zheliel/sigz2 07:15, 18 June 2009 (UTC)

A For! A real For!

Thanks for the nod on WotM, and for your kind words. I won't mind losing this month. Not a bit.  :) --T. (talk) 15:52, 18 June 2009 (UTC)

I think you deserve a second nod - some cracking articles:)--Sycamore (Talk) 18:22, 18 June 2009 (UTC)

Tyson

I did the same as you - was going to revert, then changed my mind to see where he was going with it. Anyway - he's just been on irc asking us to have a look at his rewrite, so I assume he believes himself done with it - what d'you reckon? Give it a bit more time or revert? Over to you... Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 07:44, 19 June 2009 (UTC)

I've done things, if he's still about on irc, tell him he can go crazy with it. Also good morning:)--Sycamore (Talk) 08:27, 19 June 2009 (UTC)

Good good. Don't know what happened on irc, as mah ISP she is made of fail. And a very good morning to yourself. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 09:02, 19 June 2009 (UTC)

Tea anyone? ~ 09:05, 19 June 2009 (UTC)

Sure, could we invent the "Irish Tea" today though?--Sycamore (Talk) 09:13, 19 June 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost! June 18th/19th!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

83.54% more reliable than The Daily Mail

June 18th, 2009 • Issue 52 • Thinly sliced news, between two slices of humor, with lettuce and hollandaise sauce

Votes for Sandwiches Officially Opens By Gerrycheevers This week, Votes for Sandwiches was established by Uncyclopedia Internetist and Lead Executive of Sandwiches, Spang. Previously some sort of secret cabal hazing page, lead cabalists have thrown the doors of VFS open to reveal thinly sliced meats on a variety of breads. Or they would have, if the cabal existed, which it doesn't. Official Cabal Spokesman Mordillo exclusively explained the new feature best: "The cabal, as part of its never-ending efforts to assert its all-consuming control over the citizenry, has now introduced voting for sandwiches. Each editor will be required to eat the elected sandwiches for the entire following month. Members of the cabal will closely observe voter's decisions to make sure that no vile sandwiches, such as BAKED BEANS ON TOAST WITH MELTED CHEESE, will be chosen. That's just vile. Editors will not be allowed to protest over the "democratically" "chosen" "sandwich". We're not Iran." Reactions to the new voting page were mixed. Some users were excited for the opportunity to express their fondness towards various lunches, provided that those lunches are a sandwich. "I'm glad that sandwiches, a comedy staple due to their low-priced nature and assembly so simple that even a writer can construct one, are finally getting their due on Uncyclopedia," said resident criminology term Modusoperandi. Others were not so supportive of the move, and point to recent disturbing trends since the introduction of VFS, the most disturbing being the raiding of the fridge in the Uncyclopedia break room and the subsequent theft of all sandwiches. Well, maybe not all sandwiches, but one specifically marked "gerry's. do not eat." So far no group has claimed responsibility for this act of sandwich-related terrorism. I will find you, you little punk! And when I do, you're making me another sandwich! Comebacks! Only $19.95! Call Now! By: Saberwolf116 Following a month and a half hiatus, resident VFD overlord and prince of pants MrN9000 is alleged to have returned to the wiki. According to reliable sources, MrN was spotted responding to his talk page and maintaining QVFD, among various other tasks. What other things he may do remains to be seen. We do know, however, that he has been welcomed warmly by the community, with Mordillo giving him the brand new nickname "fucker" and various users bestowing an award of reliability on him. BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE! Call Now And Get 2 for the Price Of 1! By: Gerrycheevers Following in MrN's robotically symmetrical footsteps was noted keyboard component SysRq. After many weeks of inactivity, Sys has returned to once again putter the Imperial Colonization ship around Uncyclopedia Harbor. He has described his goals as "re-assimilate as best I can" and "Go to hell, Dex". We would like to welcome both of these users back to the loving Uncyclopedia family, and urge them to GET BACK TO WORK!! Things Brewing In IRC By Sockpuppet of an unregistered user People are yelling at each other, stalking each other, and randomly talking to one another. What I am talking about is, of course, IRC, the highly controversial melting pot of Uncyclopedia, where users of all stands, races, and levels of activity can talk about unimportant issues. It has recently come to our attention that ruthless battles were being fought on the fields of IRC. Our correspondent decided to check things out for himself. He was confronted with gay dinosaurs, Star Wars references and general dickery. Though this one time visit cannot render a clear view of the complex nature of IRC, it might give us a glimpse into the mind of the common IRCer. The dark, mysterious character of IRC remains.

Check out these pages! Release personal details here. Overractions! Slander! Hot Republican Chicks with Guns! Death To Our Enemies, or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love Illogicopedia. From our logs: 14:37, 11 June 2009 Cs1987 (Talk | contribs) blocked Cs1987 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a nice stroll in the park ‎(The only edit I can make on this website right now is blocking myself. Woohoo!) 15:42, 12 June 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) changed block settings for The Wizard Of Oz (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day (account creation disabled, e-mail blocked) ‎(Follow the yellow brick road to oblivion! Put on your red shoes and dance! dance! Ackowledge that you're no longer in Kansas, Toto. And yes I am the wicked witch of the west. I have a wart to prove it) 12:11, 16 June 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 94.101.164.1 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎(vandullism - and your cheese looks old and stale anyway. bring me something fresher. and a red onion chutney - let's do this properly) Biopic of the Week Sonje ~ Bursting onto the Uncyclpedia scene in March 2009, this spunky female user already has quite the impressive resume. Her six featured images speak of her monumental potatochopping abilities, and she won consecutive Potatochopper of the Month awards. Yeah, that's right. Consecutive. We look forward to many more expertly manipulated images and other general awesomery from Sonje in the months to come. Old School Featured Article of the Week Continuing in the vaguely sandwich-related theme, Sausage Butty Batter Nuggets are a staple of English cuisine. With a complicated recipe that often leads to dangerous and/or hilarious consequences, this food is nevertheless a highly desirable meal for any self-respecting gentleman or lady in England, and is often served at croquet competitions and monocle-wearing contests. Pictured at right is the extra-crunchy West Country variety. This Week in Uncyc, 3500 BC The Great Pyramids of Giza, one of the greatest technological and engineering feats in human history, was parodied in the monthly Uncyclopedia newsletter Bird, Bird, Crocodile, Man With Dog Face, Bird, which was painstakingly written on papyrus reeds by dozens of slaves. In the periodical, the Pyramids were described as "just okay", and were depicted as a stepping stone to grander projects such as Great Cubes and perhaps even a Great Octagonal Prism. Reason to Leave Uncyclopedia of the Week #12: Space issues. With so many users returning, and Cajek refusing to grant access to the Cajek Mansion (which takes up over 60% of all Uncyclopedia's property), there just isn't enough room for us all.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

You'd think I'd learn that this isn't fun to do... Oh well. MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 19:43, 19 June 2009 (UTC)

Sex, sex, sex. Is it all we ever think about? Consciously, yes.

I think the article is just about ready. Isn't it "damning blow" though? I made a couple really minor adjustments to language. Uh. The header? I haven't any ideas as yet, do you? -- Style  Guide 12:45, 21 June 2009 (UTC)

Yeah, looks good, I'd say the footnotes aren't right for an unnews - A title has not come to me either. Anyhoo, I've got to run:)--Sycamore (Talk) 06:54, 22 June 2009 (UTC)

It works as a "normal" article as well. How about something half-abstract for title, like Study XE385(2) about who we are and who we should be? -- Style  Guide 18:23, 22 June 2009 (UTC)

Took...

You long enough! --81.153.238.192 00:48, 22 June 2009 (UTC)

Why do you desire this attention? Go outside and get some attention if you're THAT great. This place sucks. -- Roman Dog Bird 00:53, 22 June 2009 (UTC)

I'll have you know I get plenty of attention "outside" RDB. It's just nice to come down here for a laugh every now and then, even if it is at your expense. --86.155.62.130 17:08, 22 June 2009 (UTC)

Okay, perhaps I went a little too far. Sorry. I have nothing left to say on this subject. Do as you please, it ain't my problem. -- Roman Dog Bird 17:13, 22 June 2009 (UTC)

Pee'd Fight Club for ya

Just thought you should know. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 01:29, 26 June 2009 (UTC)

Thanks, I'll take a look at that shortly:)--Sycamore (Talk) 20:16, 19 July 2009 (UTC)

Unsignpost! June 25th or 30th

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Reading This Is The Mysterious Second Step To Getting Profit From Stealing Childrens' Underwear!

June 25th, 2009 • Issue 53 • The newspaper that steals other newspapers' lunch money

Users Campaign to Delete Vast Portions of Uncyclopedia By Gerrycheevers Several users have recently begun campaigns to rid Uncyclopedia of some of its oldest, cruftiest, stalest content, or so they would have you believe. We at the UnSignpost aren't here to report anything other than the facts, including but not limited to: opinions, speculation, and pictures of cats with funny captions. First on the chopping block was the Timeline series. This group of articles apparently chronicles the made-up version of history as recorded by people who aren't very funny. Dr. Skullthumper has taken the lead in the crusade against this unholy document, and reactions on the wiki were, as usual, mixed. Some users supported the good doctor, while others appreciated his sentiment but enjoyed the crisp, fresh smell of proper procedure much better. Noted deletionist Gwax made an appearance in order to streamline the effort to remove all of the unfunniness from the timeline, and he has been joined by several other users seeking to improve rather than delete the entire project. Next in line for the guillotine was Uncyclopedia's longest-running and only soap opera, The Young and the Uncyclopedians. At the head of this movement is prominent murderous amphibian Thekillerfroggy, who made such bold claims as "Vanity, sir!" and "Words words words!" As this project is not merely a page but an entire slew of pages, it was rejected by the Uncyclopedia Deletion Tribunal, but further actions may be in the works. When reached for comment about the situation, Uncyclopedia founder Chronarion responded, "AAAAAAAA!!!!" Usefulness of IP Contributions Called Into Question...Again By Gerrycheevers The question of whether or not we should allow IPs to edit our precious humor wiki has been raised yet again, this time by plucky Der Unwehr founder Guildensternenstein. UnSignpost reporters were baffled by the concept of what an IP was, until it was explained that it is some sort of automatic vandalism robot designed to troll websites, post vanity, and ensure all articles make the proper amount of references to Chuck Norris. The debate raged fiercely, with many users falling on either side of the so-called "IP line". One camp decided that the contributions from these entities did more harm than good to the community and its collection of humor. The opposing faction took up the opposite view: that IP editors were harmless and at worst an annoyance. Modusoperandi, the lead counsel for the IP defense team, made several compelling arguments, most notably the case that IPs are adorable and thus harmless. In the end, it was decided that IP editing is something we must live with, mostly because Conservapedia doesn't allow it, and we don't want to be any more like them than we already are. When reached for comment about the situation, Uncyclopedia founder Chronarion responded, "AAAAAAAA!!!!"

Check out these pages! Ledddy calls for more reminiscence The counting goes horribly, horribly wrong THIS JUST IN THIS JUST OUT From our logs: 01:41, 24 June 2009 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs | block) blocked 66.109.20.52 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (Dex is all like BAN HIM and I'm like OKAY DEX) 00:18, 21 June 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs | block) blocked Mr. Niceguy (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (Do you see my penis? Here, I'll pull it out! LOOK AT IT DANGLE, FAGGOT!) 00:17, 21 June 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs | block) resurrected Mr. Niceguy (Talk | contribs) ‎ (wrng "a"gn) 00:16, 21 June 2009 Todd Lyons (Talk | contribs | block) blocked Mr. Niceguy (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (NO MORE MR. NICEGUY) Biopic of the Week "How has the UnSignpost never run a biopic on So So?", you might ask. "I mean, his userpage is somewhere between confusing and disturbing, but the guy's a comedic genius! His writings are classic!", you might continue. You might even mention that he was nommed for WotM for about half a year in 2007 before finally winning the thing. Well, you might be interested in reading this week's UnSignpost, and then you might look into shutting up. Old School FA of the Week The Double Ristretto Venti Half-Soy Nonfat Decaf Organic Chocolate Brownie Iced Vanilla Double-Shot Gingerbread Frappuccino Extra Hot With Foam Whipped Cream Upside Down Double Blended, One Sweet'N Low and One Nutrasweet, and Ice is the longest possible order you could order at Starbucks. It was ordered only once (in the late 1990's), and it singlehandedly destroyed the economy of South America. It is now illegal in both American Continents, Africa, Asia, Europe, and Antarctica. In fact, it's now illegal everywhere save for a select few unclaimed square inches in the Southern Pacific Ocean and Belgium (but nobody gives a crap about Belgium.) The United Nations is working on this problem even as you read this.

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We're not late you're just high!    Orian57    Talk   14:31 30 June 2009

UnSignpost: July 2nd, 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper Made Entirely From Recycled Internet Memes

July 2nd, 2009 • Issue 54 • The newspaper with the name that's an anagram of "stop using n"

The Young and The Uncyclopedians Cancelled By Gerrycheevers After enjoying a long-running career and several writer changes, Uncyclopedia's fabled soap opera The Young and the Uncyclopedians was cancelled this week. And by "cancelled" we mean totally owned by Thekillerfroggy. It seems TKF finally had enough, and spent nearly an hour systematically deleting the entire series, which previously contained over 60% of all content in the UnScripts namespace. The newly freed electrons, no longer required for TYATU, can now be used for other Uncyclopedia-related tasks, such as boron smelting, and they may even be used to form a sort of crude bot that can edit The count to a million project automatically. Not content with merely obliterating the entire series, Thekillerfroggy apparently became bored halfway through his holy crusade, and decided to get creative in the deletion summaries. As can be seen in a memorial erected by what is presumed to be a jilted fan of the show, TKF nostalgized and ranted, remembered and forgot, loved and lost, all while expressing his inner thoughts through the medium of deletion summaries. An example can be seen at the very end of his effort, where Thekillerfroggy writes: "Sigh./Well here's the home stretch/It's been real/We've had some good times/some bad times/But in the end/All we are is dust in the wind/So goodnight, sweet prince/Farewell TYATU/Fin." Reactions on the wiki were, as usual, mixed. Some users held a candlelight vigil in userspace, where some of the episodes have been resurrected in a zombie-like form. Entertainment editor DogNewspaper (pictured) wagged his tail, perhaps expressing hope that one day a new soap opera, sitcom, or crime investigation show featuring Uncyclopedia editors would once again grace this site. We can only dream... Main Page Suffers Spasms of Dickery By Gerrycheevers If you logged onto the Main Page sometime on July 2nd between 2:00 and 3:00 GMT (and if you can't figure out what time that is where you live, then don't expect us to provide it for you, we're not a bloody watch!), you may have noticed some subtle changes. Instead of the usual Wikipedia-like format, with carefully organized features, news stories, anniversaries, and vital information, you may or may not have found...something else. You may or may not have found an intruiging offer to reffer freinds to take some sort of mp3-player related actions. You may or may not have found some sort of story with a vague theme of respecting one's elders, and everything about those elders, and we do mean everything. You may or may not have found some sort of strange mix of the two that left you with conflicting feelings. These feelings may or may not have included, but not been limited to: fear, anger, jealousy, confusion, fear again, and a vague sensation of falling. The admins responsible for this will not be named here, due to their next probable course of action in the case in which we did mention them, which would most likely be something along the lines of turning every UnSignpost issue into a Euroipod, whatever that is. The only thing we can report on is that the shenanigans ended just over an hour after they began, with the Main Page being restored to its previous false information-rich state. However, this episode shows us that it will never be safe from the hijinks of that group of admins, who, again, will not be named.

Check out these pages! HowTo: Get Banned for a Day Serious, on-topic discussion More voting for things! From our logs: 12:34, 26 June 2009 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked Gotlegginh (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎(please enjoy our complimentary fuck the hell off) 21:18, 26 June 2009 Todd Lyons (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 8 seconds ‎(Non-kosher edits to Woody's meatpage) 08:35, 29 June 2009 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked 24.78.127.159 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎(I is an 8 year old from the UK with super admin powerz, fuck you) 11:49, 1 July 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 222.153.106.69 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎(I think you'll find it is you who fail. and not even epically either - just with a bit of a whimper.) Biopic of the Week Lovable Wikia dictator Sannse has settled in rather well in the Uncyclopedia Community. She is a double Hall of Shame member, and she recently took home the coveted Uncyclopedian of the Month award for her work in making things behind the scenes to run smoothly, which we take it means that she is very good at regulating the caffeine intake of the hamsters that run on the wheels that power Uncyclopedia. Her typical reaction to watermelon jokes is summed up on the right. Old-School Featured Article of the Week HowTo:Cheat At Scrabble is an informative guide to consistently winning via questionable means that most enjoyable of letter-arranging games, Scrabble. Fake dictionaries, fake online dictionaries, fake tiles, and octopi are just a few of the diverse methods one can utilize in order to gain a distinctly unfair advantage while playing the game. This Week in Uncyc, 1776 While the American colonies and the British Empire were not quite getting along, the corresponding members of Uncyclopedia were also having a bit of a flamewar. Prominent British users subtly edited the article on America to include a fictional fourteenth colony called West Wankerton, and American admins reacted by banning the drinking of any tea-related beverages in the Uncyclopedia break room. In the end, both sides agreed to a truce due to the massively impressive fireworks show, which was a Fourth of July tradition. The truce basically entailed both entities cooperation in the vandalism of the article on France.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 19:37, 3 July 2009 (UTC)

Spun

Hi Syc, thanks for the latest, and see my forum on SPIN. I don't know if such organizing is your thing but you'll certainly have loose ideas it could use. -- Style  Guide 06:54, 8 July 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost 9th July 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Telling You Stuff You Already Knew, But With Different Words!

July 9th, 2009 • Issue 55• Help! I'm trapped in a newspaper printer!

Survivor returns to Uncyclopedia after almost two years By THEDUDEMAN, with additional reporting by An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays In late 2007, a man by the name of Leoispotter had the idea to bring his favorite reality show to Uncyclopedia. Thus, the first season of UnSurvivor was created. After five thrilling rounds of voting, Mr. Briggs Inc. managed to win against the other finalist, Thekillerfroggy, by a mere two votes. Flash forward almost two years. Kingkitty, a competitor in the first UnSurvivor, decides it's time for another go-around, and season 2 is born. In an exclusive interview with Mr. Kitty, he had this to say: "Well, I was bored ("and crazy", says one passing by civilian) and I thought: 'perhaps the community could do something fun, and stop with all this writing bullshit.'" When later asked what he thought about this current season, he said, "It's showing to be bigger and better than last season, with more betrayals, more violence, more whining, and more betrayals. Lots of betrayals. Mostly of me." Currently, UnSurvivor Season 2 is in its final round of voting, where the voted-off members of the game get to vote on the finalist they want to win. The finalists this season are: after last seasons defeat, Thekillerfroggy, and newcomers to the show, THEDUDEMAN and An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays. Voting is set to take place over 72 hours instead of the usual 24, and the winner will be announced sometime Friday July 10th. After this, according to Mr. Kitty, there "probably" will be a season 3, and it will be bigger and better than anything ever before. Uncyclopedians pay crass tasteless tribute to Michael Jackson By An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays Michael Jackson, the legendary King of Pop, touched many lives, and the news of his untimely demise has left a deep void in the lives of his millions of fans and victims. Fans all over Uncyclopedia, stricken by grief, flocked by the dozens to mourn their departed hero in the only way they knew how: through the medium of humour. They ranged from perfunctory to crude to mediocre, but each expressed a deeply profound sadness that the weird plastic rapist was no more. (Yeah, "weird plastic rapist". That's what you wanted to hear, isn't it? Ha ha ha.) Tributes continue to pour in despite the fact that it is no longer funny or clever. With the stage set for a long, protracted battle over his kids and estate, Uncyclopedia expects that unfunny people will continue to get mileage out of this story for many weeks to come. Uncyclopedia admins plan to send a selection of the best "tributes" to the Jackson family, along with the number of a company that recycles plastics. (That's what you wanted to hear, isn't it? Ha ha ha.) Editors emerge from woodwork, contribute to UnSignpost By Gerrycheevers This week, when UnSignpost Active Editor Gerrycheevers brought up the Uncyclopedia page containing the currently in-progress UnSignpost, he suffered a minor heart attack upon finding that two stories had already been added to the paper. It seems both An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays and THEDUDEMAN, both newly given the title "Consulting Editor", took exception to being named "Consulting Editor" and took it upon themselves to blanket the UnSignpost with awesomeness. Unsignpost Payroll Manager DogNewspaper (pictured) bared his teeth at this development, indicating his frustration at having to re-issue new timecards to both editors. Gerrycheevers is expected to make a full recovery; flowers can be sent to the Uncyclopedia Infirmary and Shooting Range.

Check out these pages! The second round of the Uncyclopedia Music Awards! 4.252.99.182 HAS BEEN FOUND! Uncyclopedians trying to workout From our logs: 23:02, 7 July 2009 Rcmurphy (Talk | contribs) blocked Spang (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 500 days ‎(testing, I haven't done this in a while) 09:26, 7 July 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 70.178.213.53 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week (anonymous users only, account creation disabled) ‎(In fact, here is our complimentary "welcome to uncyclopedia & fuck off" package. Have a nice day.) 00:36, 6 July 2009 Cs1987 (Talk | contribs) blocked The Woodburninator (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 191 seconds ‎(You ain't no ban magnet. But I can help you become one. By banning you, that is.) Biopic of the Week Now missing for over 18 months, it's time to send the search party out for ENeGMA. If the userbox on his user page is accurate, then his 250,000+ edits mean that he has created virtually all of the content on Uncyclopedia. While that isn't quite true, he has produced some classically awesome articles, and we wish he'd come back and play. Quote of the Week <TheLedBalloon> well, my parents were like, son, we're going to make meatloaf tonight <TheLedBalloon> and I was like <TheLedBalloon> shit yeah <TheLedBalloon> you know <TheLedBalloon> I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR LOAF <Shaggy-Rogers> EVEN BLOW YOUR LOAD ON YOUR MOM'S FACE =-= Mode #uncyclopedia +o TheLedBalloon by ChanServ =-= Shaggy-Rogers was booted from #uncyclopedia by TheLedBalloon (2 dads) =-= Mode #uncyclopedia -o TheLedBalloon by TheLedBalloon Old-School Featured Article of the Week A Handgun is a non-lethal weapon that has been in use for over 150 years. As adaptable as it is safe, the Handgun can fire many different kinds of bullets, which each require different distinct noises such as "pchoo!". Advantages include an infinite amount of ammunition and the lack of a necessity to reload. Attempts at Handgun regulation have proven pointless at best. This Week in Uncyc, 658 AD With the Dark Ages in full swing, Uncyclopedia tried to lighten the mood with a contest that urged users to photoshop a humorous image involving a priest, a monk, and a nun. Since the most advanced photoshop technology at the time still consisted of using paint to draw on canvas, not a single entry was completed by the two-week deadline. However, prominent Uncyclopedian John Smith continued his work far past the deadline, and after eight months submitted an image of a waterskiing nun, which became Uncyclopedia's first featured image.

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9001(bot)  22:46, Jul 9

Princess Di

Ive just put the Diana article in for Pee review. I thoguht since you made some helpful edits during my rewrite you might like to look at it and see what you think. Calindreams 10:11, 13 July 2009 (UTC)

I'll have look, if I can, I think full review would be an idea at UN:PEE though:)--Sycamore (Talk) 20:16, 19 July 2009 (UTC)

OK, this has stopped being funny

What? You're planning the next Scottish revolt? Is Orian in as well? Where the fuck are you? ~ 16:03, 16 July 2009 (UTC)

I don't want independance! It's a stupid idea! I don't know why but theres just something that tells me Great Britain wouldn't be great if Scotland wasn't part of it. And Scotland would be worse off it was on it's own. I don't want to have to get a passport to leave! It's just ridiculiuse. And if not plain by now that I don't what I'm talking about then... I don't know.    Orian57    Talk   16:07 16 July 2009

If you being gone has absolutely anything to do with me being a complete and total dickbag (a mix between dick, and douche bag) to you a little while back, then stop it. I was the dickbag. I think I never said sorry for that. I appologise. I disagreed with you putting that template on that page, but there were SO MANY better ways of going about it then how I did. Again, I'm sorry. I really don't have any excuses for how I acted. I hope you forgive me. Also, come back. Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 16:13, 16 July 2009 (UTC)

I'm not dead, just very busy these days, I should be back a bit more, but work etc is taking up my time a little. Hope to see you guys about more soon:)--Sycamore (Talk) 20:16, 19 July 2009 (UTC)

Long live the Scottish Revolution! ~ 20:31, 19 July 2009 (UTC)

You're fast, I just wrote that, and I've only just managed to call MrN9000 a tit...--Sycamore (Talk) 20:33, 19 July 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost: July 16nd, 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The edition that's black and white and dead all over

July 16th, 2009 • Issue 56 • This is a Pathetic Joke

User Return Causes Widespread Panic By Gerrycheevers This week noted user An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays returned to the wiki, and immediately rendered that return "triumphant". However, other users are beginning to feel the effects of the presence of this primate whose quantum mechanical properties dictate that he be only during certain periods of the week. This incident left onlookers shocked, and worrying if something similar could happen to them. Not since the return of a scantily-clad Olipro has this website seen such a display of sheer terror mixed with complete confusion (and in the case of Olipro, a bit of curious arousal mixed in). The aforementioned incident involved one user who had AATOEOT embedded in his dreams. Most curiously, this episode seems to have happened on a Friday night, a time period when an An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays should decidedly not exist. Nearly a week has passed without further disruptions, although that may be partially due to Ape's ban after being kicked off of the Uncyclopedia island during a rousing game of Uncyclopedia Survivor. Regardless of the reasons behind the strange occurrences, users should be sure to keep an eye out for strange occurrences on and off the wiki...particularly on Thursdays. Flood of Crap Nearly Overflows VFD By Gerrycheevers For the last few days, an explosion of nominations has inundated Uncyclopedia's waste removal system, Votes for Deletion. After a period of low activity, where there would typically be just a few to several nominations, things picked up last week. In the last few days, the situation has accelerated into what is being called by experts a "shit-ton" of undesirable content festering in the dark, unvisited corners of the wiki. Said undesirable content is currently being read, discussed, and dealt with accordingly, as is the usual procedure at the highly efficient VFD. Circumstances have escalated to the point of rattling a few relaxed admins. One such incident involved a user getting the customary one-day ban for increasing the active nomination count past twenty, when the user in question had, in fact, only increased the number of active noms to twenty. Owing to the normal tendency of the article count of VFD to stay in the low single digits lately, the lapse is certainly forgiveable, and was quickly corrected. Afterwards the two parties exchanged pleasantries and shared a S'Mores which was roasted over the open bonfire of newly deleted articles. Former poopsmith MrN9000 commented on the situation, saying, "Well you know I fancy the standards at VFD have improved significantly in recent times. Not so long ago it would often just be a quick "Short and Shit" vote from UU, and the latest stub was on for a huffing. These days we are spending more time voting on closer votes and are deleting much better articles than we used to! Something VFD is really proud of." In a final display of VFD patriotism, MrN added, "CHECK THE PAGE HISTORY BEFORE NOMINATING YOU BUGGERS!" Orian57 On Fire By Gerrycheevers Noted rainbow-colored user Orian57 has recently enjoyed a remarkable string of success (pictured on right). He has scored an unprecedented natural hat trick of features, with UnBooks:Daddy, There's a Zombie in the Garden, LazyTown, and UnScripts:Trapped at Sea reaching the front page on consecutive days. Not since the time of such legends as Savethemooses and The Thinker have such lofty VFH records been broken. Although in the case of STM, there were probably mitigating factors involved, like wooden articles rather than aluminum, or something. Or aluminium, that strange substance only found in England by mining thousands of millions of other strange occurences, such as referring to the trunk of a car as a "boot". This god-like spasm of awesomeness is fresh on the heels of Orian's Writer of the Month win in June of this year. Since the beginning of that month, he has seen six of his works grace the front page, and he shows no signs of slowing down. When reached for comment, he explained, "Well I suppose it's down to being fantastic. And unemployed. But mostly being fantastic." The UnSignpost would like to congratulate Orian on his recent spat of win, and express hopes he will continue the pattern well into the future.

Check out these pages! Some guy is trying to update Images... Hey look, a new game to play! Or is this business? UnBusiness!? Proof that Wikia hates us! From our logs: 09:27, 9 July 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Mordillo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a bouncer from Flintoff ‎(pre-emptive ban before you ban me for pickiness. your English > my Hebrew etc etc...) 20:38, 14 July 2009 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked Luvvy (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎(Impersonating a girl. Perv.) 14:03, 16 July 2009 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked 124.186.81.136 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎(you know Euthanasia might just be the thing you are looking for....) Biopic of the Week Known as the man of many signatures (most of them garish and spinning in some fashion), Mahm00shA has made quite the impression on Uncyclopedia since joining in February. His transcription of an interview with a cab driver in his native Egypt has earned him recognition as a writer, and his other useful qualities have earned him an Uncyclopedian of the Month nomination. Go 'moosh! Quote of the week [16:41] <Tayor> we're going to need a base to work from. [16:43] <Tayor> by 'we' I meann 'I' [16:43] <Tayor> and by 'are' I mean 'am' [16:43] <Tayor> and by 'work' I mean 'give blow jobs' In honour of The Ashes, it's: UU's classic cricket commentary of the week! "There's Tony Greig standing at second slip — legs wide apart, bending over, waiting for a tickle" - Brian Johnston. Of course, this simple piece of commentary should require no clarification, but any Americans, other foreigners, or chavs who don't understand the finer points of cricket can pop over to UU's talk page for a patronising explanation. Old-School Featured Article of the Week Martin Van Buren was the eighth President of the United States, a key figure in U.S. political development during the nineteenth century, and a total dick. While other legislators were busy dueling or being awesome in general, Van Buren spent his time practicing his douchebag skills and smelling of old people. He always argues about the stupidest things, and he refuses to ever admit he's wrong. And I'm never letting him borrow my car again. Panicky Last-Minute Box of the Week The UnSignpost editors regret to announce the introduction of a new device, the "Panicky Last-Minute Box of the Week". This box will be used to take up space on the right-hand side of the UnSignpost, an example of which you are currently experiencing. Look for this box to appear when a larger than usual number of stories on the left side of the UnSignpost and an impending end of the work day force the editors to make something up on the fly. This also offers opportunities to sneak trusted mascot DogNewspaper into the issue.

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THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 22:22, 16 July 2009 (UTC)

Oh there you are

Good to see your tartan presence, however busy you may be! --UU - natter 10:13, Jul 20

UU, Morning there, nice to see you kicking ass and stopping the place from falling apart:-)--Sycamore (Talk) 10:17, 20 July 2009 (UTC)

Nice to see you writing as well. I look forward to reading it on completion. --UU - natter 10:26, Jul 20

UnSignpost: July 23rd, 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Gets Its News Solely From Vandalism Johnny Is Teh FAGXORZ!!111 SHUT UP DOUCHEBAG!!11

July 23rd, 2009 • Issue 57 • The Newspaper That Won't Tell Everyone That You Wet the Bed! Oops...

Uncyclopedia Users Form Fantasy Football League By Gerrycheevers This week, several Uncyclopedians banded together under the leadership of one Guildensternenstein to form some sort of "Fantasy Football" organization. What exactly this entails is unclear, but it appears that the football- and soccer-related fantasies of the participating members will be carried out in the semi-private confines of the forums. Reactions were mixed to this development, with some users expressing emotions ranging from apathy to indifference. Others voiced concern about children, decency, and lewd public conduct. "My little boy came home today saying something about going to another boy's house to perform football fantasies!" said one outraged and confused mother. Regardless of the small amount of negative feedback, participants are eager to begin fantasizing about their favorite football players, such as David Beckham. Bradaphraser had this to say: "The Fantasy Football League is a chance for Uncyclopedians to get away from the hustle and bustle of everyday Uncyclopedia work and actually have some fun for a change. While I usually am busy with the administrating task of sitting on my lazy ass and doing nothing, this gives users a chance to see me in a more relaxed state." "I fully expect that this venture will be just as successful as my recent run for the Presidency," continued Brad, "which I lost to Bradford Lyttle of the Pacifist party by a mere 110 votes. I fully expect to win one or possibly even two games in this upcoming season, assuming of course that a draft is eventually held." Said draft is scheduled to begin immediately, and assuming only a small portion of footballers flee to Canada to evade this draft, the Uncyclopedia Fantasy Football League will be ready to hold its first game by opening day. Village Dump Suffers From Rash of Inactivity By Gerrycheevers In a startling development, activity on Uncyclopedia's main gathering place, the Village Dump, has all but ceased. With The UnIdiot registering the sole comment in the last three full days, the normal flow of important, relevant conversation in the Forums appears to have dried up. While an excess of users can usually be found loitering aimlessly in the halls of the Dump, it appeared all but deserted as of press time. Several theories have been raised, ranging from the intriguingly possible (July weather causes Uncyclopedians to go outside) to the exceedingly headache-inducing (Uncyclopedians are being abducted by giant space cabbages). However, one of the more interesting theories comes from our lead scientist and nature correspondant, DogNewspaper (unavailable for picture). He claims that while the Village Dump itself along with associated forums such as the Ministry of Love and the Help forum has seen a decline in activity, the so-called Benson's House of Pancakes has seen a shocking upswing in activity. In the same time frame that only a single edit was made in the Village Dump, sixteen different topics were edited in Benson's Breakfast Domicile. DogNewspaper, that earlier mentioned nature correspondant, calls this a migration. "Woof," he claimed, elaborating that many users were unable to adapt to conditions found in the normal Village Dump, and were forced to relocate to the more hospitable Benson-related location. It is here, in the BHOP, that users are free to create topics concerning their own birthdays, the anniversaries of their birth, and memorials commemorating the day they were born. Whether the mass exodus is complete or not has yet to be seen.

Check out these pages! US vs UK, the showdown... almost Picture Wars: Forum Edition Still counting to a million From our logs: 03:45, 23 July 2009 Under user blocked Mi$ter Bigg (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (insert Cosby catchphrase here. or not - I don't really give two fucks) 00:48, 20 July 2009 TheLedBalloon blocked 71.195.100.104 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (In the words of Abraham Lincoln, suck my presidential cock, bitch!) 06:30, 18 July 2009 Mordillo blocked Speroxenos (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (your hard on does not impress me) Biopic of the Week Arguably the most prominent sub-primate whose existance status varies depending on the day of the week on the entire wiki, An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays has recently made a return to Uncyclopedia. His track record speaks for itself: awesome articles abound in Ape's presence, his handling of breaking news situations is praiseworthy, and his information guides are useful and informative. Welcome back, Ape! Old School Featured Article of the Week Toilet Door Communication, or TDC, is considered by many to be the forerunner of the modern internet. This fascinating form of conversation is complete with its own exceedingly dense jargon and wide spectrum of users. Washing your hands after use is strongly recommended. Quote of the Week <Bonner> A while later we also completely wrapped the scooter in cling film <Bonner> I still have the photos, he was really pissed about that one <e|m|c> You mean saran wrap. <e|m|c> Fucking English. <Bonner> Cling flim <e|m|c> Uhh. Saran wrap. <Bonner> cling film <Bonner> :) <e|m|c> Cling film <Bonner> Saran wrap <e|m|c> Correct. This Week in Uncyc, 1901 Uncyclopedia users celebrated their first of many week-long tributes to Oscar Wilde, unable to wait the originally planned year after his death. The entire main page was dedicated to Wilde-related issues, and the first instance of mass Wilde quoting ensued. Reader Poll of the Week The editors need your help; please weigh in here on the important, non-boring issue of UnSignpost formatting.

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This edition is on time, and anyone who tells you differently is lying! THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 03:01, 25 July 2009 (UTC)