User talk:Dr. Skullthumper/Archive 5

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Talk Archives

Chapter Eleven The end times

Chapter Ten In which our hero builds bots • Another n00b enters the stage • Contests, hourly • The fine art of spamfiltering • Little orphan images • A lost connection • An alternative is presented • Trolling, How To • A conspiracy of signatures • Machines in the hands of idiots • Mistaken for a n00b, by a n00b • Guts, hating thereof • Button difficulties • An April 1st prank • "That time I got banned by an admin during my sojourn on another admin's talk page" • A miscount • Just punishment for the use of antiquated browsers • A fool's lament • The one-second window • Power, abuse of • A cry for HALP • The sunglasses ritual • People to ignore • A premonition • Eæster • Intensive care • Defrosting • Suspenders, sexiness of • Three thousand • The magician • A stuck-up conversation about elitism • A muddled vote • A whiny conversation about whining • Suddenly, parties • The party is stopped • The party resumes • A monumental mistake • Twelve proxies, no waiting • A Discworld discussion, brief • Protection en masse • Portals, thinking with • The broken box • Trolls trolling trolls trolling etc. • The un-return • A broken system

Chapter Nine Hourly writing contest • A mercy kill and a mercy move • The misinterpreted pinky • The final destruction of UnSkype • Community service and convenience stores • Gobshite • The Records of Amadeus Skullthumper • The legacy of Fnoodle lives on

Chapter Eight Dicks, lack thereof • Administrators Anonymous • In search of a missing user • Echoes of old • An unheard request • Survival • Mistaken for colonization • Putting the stamp on drama • Another apology, and romantic foreshadowing • The screams of Twitter

The Unarchived The plot behind UnSkype • The Great Talkpage Merge • The Undoing

Chapter Six No, of course it wasn't the end, you dipwads • FU SPANG • Frogs in hell • The doctor messes up again • Psychological thrillers • Yellow banners • Dollar signs, placement thereof • Hovercars and bribes • Penis! • Fnoodle returns • e|m|c goes missing • Flaming bags of feces • L • Turnips • The doctor messes with amphibians • A surprise feature, and inspiration • The doctor plots • "I'm not an admin" • "I am an admin" • Congratulations and sympathy • The plot thickens • Charitwo gives the finger • Ethine • A romp through Yahoo! Answers • Whining • Titanium Trousers and other defense • Encyclopedia Parodia • TKF and Skullthumper battle it out in a round of the world's worst acting • The final straw

Chapter Five In which our hero's talk page virginity is taken • Partially pregnant • The weaknesses of ninjas • Uncyclopedia At-A-Glance • A drug dealer on the doctor's talk page • Clever and innovative • Furbies, burning of • Nosy • XHTML fairies • A new sig is born and shot down • The doctor pisses off the entire site • The Great American Novel • "You've got the wrong doctor" • Zombiebaron makes a point • Creating a creature • Our hero is welcomed, again • "teh" and "the" • A survivor from the ICU • Enzo Aquarius can't spell • Fnoodle is never wrong • Starting the presses • The UnSignpost, issue #1 • Keen! • The ways of Wikia • Spang likes pi • Too Long; Didn't Read: The Movie • Jars of dirt, possession thereof • The return of Kip the Dip • Identity theft • The entire site pisses off the doctor • Advice from the most unlikely of sources • Better things to do • The End?

Chapter Four In which our hero sticks his finger in an electrical socket • Fat Americans • Zombiebaron, Jr. • Slightly drunk • Season's Greetings, part II • Running through the halls of Uncyclopedia • Mordillo is angered • A cryptic message • Knighthood • Finnius joins in the fray • If you give a doctor a cookie • A last-ditch attempt at passing first semester classes • A heart in the wrong place • Asses on fire • Slightly off • Rivalry • The doctor drifts away • Lent • The massive return • Greetings from Texas • The evolution of hole punching and other stupid ideas • Invasion of the robots • Signatures once again • And again • My Mother the Car • The doctor sets a trend • Promotion

Chapter Three In which our hero runs a red light • Skateboarding • Mysterious maths of VFH • Time travel • A very brief discussion on being an administrator • The laziness of admins • Captain Random • The tragedy of Nerd42 • A suspicious noob • Signatures, part sixteen and a half • Ljlego returns • An apology • Fighting vandalism without admins • Dead baby jokes, originality thereof • Cajek bursts in unexpectedly • The Epic Saga of Francis Winkler • The other doctor • "Jesus didn't have a talkpage" • How to become an administrator in one easy step • Homosexuality • More of the Epic Saga of Francis Winkler • Season's Greetings, part I • Dr. Skullthumper is no asshat • Banned!

Chapter Two In which our hero discusses Terry Pratchett • Communism strikes • An accidental revert • Thanked for peeing • A grateful gobshite • Sorts of things you shan't do to children • The matter of signatures returns • Penis removal • Crime and Cajek • Span tags • Robots and javascript • A literary debate concluded with a ban • A user questions the communications system • The wondrous lands of QVFD • The metaphorical wall • Psychic powers, crystal balls, and the Firefox debate • Welcomed into UnNews • The sixty-eighth reason why Wikia sucks • Signatures return for an encore • Olipro • A whore • A noob • A template that, while not top-quality, is better than Ljlego's • Mysterious disappearance • A discussion on the word "previously" • Confused for an administrator • A noob whore • Under construction • Mozart will be Bach

---

The doctor is in. So talk to him, will ya?

I'd rather steal his talk page's virginity

And so I will. Unsolicited conversation Extravagant beauty PEEING 03:57, 9 April 2008 (UTC)

Nobody can be partially pregnant, Boomer. Think about it. Think.   Le Cejak • <Apr 09, 2008 [4:13]>

It's still good- It's still good --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent 04:18, 9 April 2008 (UTC)

Skullthumper is no asshat.

He is my best friend.

I love him.

=D sirsysrq @ 13:32 Apr 9

I think Skullthumper is responsible for 11 of my 12 blocks, but I consider him an ally in the fight against bad articles.   Le Cejak • <Apr 09, 2008 [13:35]>

thank you

The Black Ninja Clan thanks you for fixing my sig. As a reward I will tell you my weaknesses. Cake. And porn. -- 忍者男 • Ninja Man • Talk! • The Hitlist • Pages I've Attacked • Ninja-style Main Page Time→ 00:10, 10 April 2008 (UTC)

Second talk page header and I'm already finding out the secrets of ninjas. This place never gets old. Grand Generally Non-Asshat x1,916,281 and Doctor KUNDr.S. WHORE! UOTM YWG

I always thought ninjas liked smooth jazz. sirsysrq @ 00:29 Apr 10

I was just eavesdropping...

Actually, I was about to leave Modus a long, boring, and completely unimportant message when I happened to notice this. I love it. Would you mind if I linked to it from my user page? On a side note, I can't read your talk page. The archives section bleeds into it too much. Dunno if it's cause I'm using the evil IE or what, but I thought I'd mention it to ya. -OptyC Sucks! CUN 18:48, 10 April 2008 (UTC)

Thanks for letting me know; I'm 99% sure it's just evil IE, because in FireFox it works fine. (I'll have to give it a gander later, I saw this page on IE just today and it looked fine to me...) & Also please, go ahead and link to it, if it's useful to you, GO for it! Grand Generally Non-Asshat x1,916,281 and Doctor KUNDr.S. WHORE! UOTM YWG

Yeah, your computer's offically weird, I'm on IE right now (in school) and I don't see any issues. Dr. Skullthumper

Strange. It was actually three different computers and several different times (because I'm stalking you) that all showed the same error. Now today it's working fine on all of them. -OptyC Sucks! CUN 19:11, 11 April 2008 (UTC)

Woops, spoke too soon. It was working fine until it reloaded when I posted the message. But the comp I'm currently on (at work) is antique (WIN98) so I have no doubt it's just a crap pooter. -OptyC Sucks! CUN 19:19, 11 April 2008 (UTC)

yo

Hey I think I remember selling you some rock one time... 忍者男 • Ninja Man • Talk! • The Hitlist • Pages I've Attacked • Ninja-style Main Page Time→ 19:38, 10 April 2008 (UTC)

whoareyou again? and how the butter c. mcfucknuggets did we get one anothers' usernames? LIEK LOL   ~  {{{1}}} Skull OMG VOGHT FOR MY ARTIKLES OR NOM SUM CUZ IM A WHORE LOL

Wow, I'm finally giving one of these to someone

Innovative Award For clever contributions to the wiki which, for some reason, I appreciate. You better make me one of those hats.

This is, of course, for this. If that's not innovation, I don't know what is. Great job. sirsysrq @ 20:30 Apr 10

Thanks a lot! I'm glad it came in handy for someone. » Sir Skullthumper Knight Commander ... holla atcha boy»

OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH (I'm just distracting you to steal your curtains) --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent 12:44, 12 April 2008 (UTC)

Thanks For The Tips!

I'll work harder on my images and prep them so that they are ready for VFP. In-fact, I created a better picture (in my opinion) just now. User:RPBnimrod 12:37 AM, April 14, 2008

Grarr

Yeah I read your Why? Burn Furbies again and it was epic :D --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent 06:23, 15 April 2008 (UTC)

Hold your horses

Are you running some sort of an automated script? If so, please hold it for now. Did anyone looked at it? What does it do exactly? ~ 21:31, 15 April 2008 (UTC)

It's AutoWikiBrowser, I've been using it for months, and if you ever need to stop it again leave a message on my talk page, because now I have to reset everything. It's nothing new, at all. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 21:33 Apr 15, 2008

Well, if you don't mind, when I see a script I don't know running about, I'll stop it in any way I think is right before it causes damage. Not that I think you don't know what you're doing - but still. What does it do? ~ 21:36, 15 April 2008 (UTC)

It's not a script. It's a program. What it does is... well, it's like editing a wiki, but with a "cruise control" button. At this moment, I'm using it to get rid of those test edits like "Headline text", "Link title", "Bold text", etc. I used to do it manually, but now I've got something that helps me do the manual stuff quite a bit faster. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 21:37 Apr 15, 2008

I stopped you because I saw you editing a userpage as well. Can you give me a link? ~ 21:38, 15 April 2008 (UTC)

I'll just filter out the userspace pages then, if that's what you want me to do. Wikipedia:WP:AWB. I've had it since December or so, and this is the first time anyone's had any issues with it... – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 21:40 Apr 15, 2008

Well, it's the first time I see this thing running about. Anyway, no hard feelings. I just don't like automated things running about without any prior notice. Obviously, I am the last one to know, as always. Let's just blame Cajek. It's the safest way. ~ 21:41, 15 April 2008 (UTC)

K. (hugs) (presses secret AWB button to start it again) – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 21:42 Apr 15, 2008

Hey, I got a bone to pick with you

Hey. ASSWIPE. Quit putting shit on my page. Or else. – Preceding unsigned comment added by SasukeUchiha (talk • contribs)

He reverted it because Currymuncher moved it. That's what tends to happen around here - if anyone edits another user's userpage, it gets reverted. He was trying to help! So don't be so rude, OK? If you want to get rid of the "shit" on your userpage, delete it. Oh, and SIGN YOUR POSTS!--SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 15:53, Apr 16

And one infiban later, the wiki was a more civil place. Hi Skullthumper, just passing through - oh, and did you see the Sky TV adaptation of Colour of Magic? --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 16:06, Apr 16

Hey UU. And no, unfortunately I didn't! But it's on my list of things to do. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 21:36 Apr 16, 2008

I agree

Quit being a nosy fag and editing other people's pages for no reason. Or else i'll be up in your camp using my supreme ninja skills on ur scrawny technique. So quit being a n00b – Preceding unsigned comment added by Currymuncher (talk • contribs)

He was reverting what looked like vandalism. Like I and Manticore just did with the userpages you blanked. Enjoy the ban which I suspect will be heading your way shortly. During said ban, maybe you can learn to be civil. Oh, and SIGN YOUR POSTS. --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 15:53, Apr 16

He will have all the rest of his life to learn some civility. ~ 16:07, 16 April 2008 (UTC)

No dildos for that guy. — Sir Manticore 16:10, 16 April 2008 (UTC)

No supper either. ~ 16:18, 16 April 2008 (UTC)

Supper's ready? -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

Yes, we got baked beans tonight. EVERYONE TO THE TABLE! SUPPER IS BEING SERVED! ~ 16:22, 16 April 2008 (UTC)

I'll pass on the beans and just eat the can, thanks. Also, apparently I'm a noob. Whoda thunk it. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 17:24 Apr 16, 2008

Nah, you're just a fag. ~ 18:14, 16 April 2008 (UTC)

At least I'm not a bastard admin without a sense of humor. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 18:56 Apr 16, 2008

You meant a bastard jew boy faggoty admin, did you not? ~ 19:20, 16 April 2008 (UTC)

Yeah I did, you Jewish faggoty fag jew. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 21:32 Apr 16, 2008

It's not HIS fault he's a jew... oh wait, carry on.   Le Cejak • <Apr 16, 2008 [21:48]>

Don't call Skullthumper an asshat, joo gize. sirsysrq @ 21:58 Apr 16

Thanks for telling me about the reefer lounge

Thanks so much for telling me about the Reefer Lounge! I'm using it now.- User:RPBnimrod

You're welcome, although I did kinda tell you before I mentioned it on that VFP nom. Good luck 'choppin, sah! – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 19:07 Apr 18, 2008

/

Dude, quit being a nosey fag!!11!   Le Cejak • <Apr 19, 2008 [4:35]>

I'm not a fag. I'm a "fairy". And I've come to correct your XHTML! Dr. Starnestommy 04:37, 19 April 2008 (UTC)

Sir, may I remind you that WP:BEANS clearly states:

The little boy's mother was off to market. She worried about her boy, who was always up to some mischief. She sternly admonished him, "Be good. Don't get into trouble. Don't eat all the cabbage. Don't spill all the milk. Don't throw stones at the cow. Don't fall down the well." The boy had done all of these things on other market days. Hoping to head off new trouble, she added, "And don't stuff beans up your nose!" This was a new idea for the boy, who promptly tried it out.

Thank you.   Le Cejak • <Apr 19, 2008 [4:45]>

On Barack, you rock, okay?

Thanks for having the cajones to revert the Baracky page. I was all "Oh noes!!" when it got f'd up, but I didn't want to get into a revert war. You saved the day, man.--BackwardsIsForwards 18:47, 19 April 2008 (UTC)

Hey, no problem! That's what I keep the "S" cape and suit in my closet for. And the emergency supply of chocolate. Well, the chocolate's just for me, really, not necessarily saving the day.

Anyway, to quote Ljlego on IRC: Uncyclopedia Code of Hammurabi: "If a man should vandalize a page, and that page was funnier before, that man shall be put to death." Unfortunately I think the other guy just didn't catch the subtle humor and saw it as a real political rant. Anyway, glad it all worked out. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 20:10 Apr 19, 2008

On ur talk page, testin ur sig

– Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 

Too far. • Spang • ☃ • talk • 06:19, 21 Apr 2008

...FU Spang. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 20:09 Apr 21, 2008

Alright

What the hell's wrong with you, today? You've been snapping at users trying to help, and moving dangerously close to a ban. I'll be frank with you; I don't know what the fuck is going on inside your head, Dr. S. Care to let us in on it? - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 19:05, Apr 22

I'm sick and tired of hanging around a place that's moving dangerously close to Wikipedia. I used to contribute there under another username, back in the day, until it turned into a vote-crazed, democracy-ridden, boring piece of shit that it is. I never thought Uncyclopedia would go the same way... and that's exactly what it's doing. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 19:10 Apr 22, 2008

Let's have a vote to decide if we should stop with all this democracy voting crap! - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 19:11, Apr 22

Unfortunately, that's not too far from the truth. (sighs) When I came here last year, admins banned first and asked questions later. Users were always working on some article or another. VFH was healthy. Now it feels like everyone's just sitting on their asses. Uncyclopedia has settled into a groove, which is a good thing for a site like Wikipedia, but a bad thing on a site where you have to be creative. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 19:12 Apr 22, 2008

Maybe so, but why should that affect what you do? Just because people on the site are hacking around doesn't mean that you can't stay active and creative, keep writing articles, and have a good time, you know. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 19:19, Apr 22

Because it's boring as living fuck anymore. The community we had when I joined is no longer here. I can't have a good time anymore, but I'm still around because of some blind hope that things will improve. Maybe even in the blind hope that I can help improve them, maybe by stirring people up somehow. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 19:21 Apr 22, 2008

It feels like Uncyclopedia needs a good sharp poke in the butt to get it going again. People need to be pissed off now and again. I think Uncyc's last great hurrah was in Kip the Dip, who got banned for six months for pissing people off. It feels like everyone's treading on eggshells, if that's the term for it, instead of letting shit happen. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 19:15 Apr 22, 2008

Well, would it make you feel better if I got banned a few more times?   Le Cejak • <Apr 22, 2008 [21:26]>

No, I think what he needs is to take part in a good ol' fashioned caper. Let's see, we could always try to steal the crown jewels. That'd make for some front page stuff. Or we could just go moon an admin or two when they catch us stealing all their candy. ~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ GUN • WotM • RotM • AotM • VFH • SK • PEEING • HP • BFF @ 21:49 Apr 22

Dudes, dudes, you're making this too complicated. If someone would just scream "RIOT" or "FIRE" loud enough at the admins, we could have some fun. I already did a number on some unsuspecting chump's userpage, and he was too flabbergasted to know what to do! Let the anarchy begin!   Le Cejak • <Apr 22, 2008 [21:52]>

Hehehe...Old Man Led will be so politely indignant when he sees that... - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 21:55, Apr 22

But...how does that get us candy AND our butts looked at by the establishment? ~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ GUN • WotM • RotM • AotM • VFH • SK • PEEING • HP • BFF @ 22:16 Apr 22

Dude! Politely indignant. What more could you want? - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 22:25, Apr 22

...candy. ~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ GUN • WotM • RotM • AotM • VFH • SK • PEEING • HP • BFF @ 22:50 Apr 22

Yeah, how come you never check me out anymore?   Le Cejak • <Apr 22, 2008 [23:25]>

Hey

I think someone vandalized your userpage. You should totally get them banned. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 21:32, Apr 22

User:Dr. Skullthumper/HowTo:Write the Great American Novel

Dude, I started it! Take a look!   Le Cejak • <Apr 23, 2008 [23:00]>

SLOW DOWN CAJEK! You're going well over the speed limit. Also I'm afraid I don't really have the time to read or add to it today... SO HOLD ON, I'LL BE BACH – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 23:20 Apr 23, 2008

COOL! ULTRA COOL!   Le Cejak • <Apr 23, 2008 [23:22]>

I'LL BE HANDEL ~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ GUN • WotM • RotM • AotM • VFH • SK • PEEING • HP • BFF @ 23:25 Apr 23

I didn't know I uploaded the same thing

I really didn't, I must have clicked refresh too many times or something. sorry.User:RPBnimrod

And I'm supposed to believe that?! Oh. Wait. Yeah, that makes sense. No worries, RPB. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 00:22 Apr 24, 2008

Thanks

For killing that poor excuse for a thingy whatsit thing...

Somebody has awarded you a cookie! Now go play in traffic.

--Sir DJ ~ Irreverent 06:42, 25 April 2008 (UTC)

Another thanks!

Warm thanks for reverting the cursed IP troll's edit to my sig. *HUG!* -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk) Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - Perkele! 14:56, 25 Apr

Yerr, seems like that bot you made really works as far as pissing off vandals. Good work, buddy! Not sure why he decided to target me, how would he know who I am? ~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ GUN • WotM • RotM • AotM • VFH • SK • PEEING • HP • BFF @ 15:37 Apr 25

Hey, Dr. S, thanks from me, too. Also, I'm pretty sure he was targeting me. He attacked maybe 4 of my articles, created a bunch of "TLB is gay" pages(including one titled Loser:TheLedBalloon--great pun! I wonder where he got the idea...), and left a message on my talk page that read

“ y u d3leet mai funneh aertiles. ur a f@g fo deeletien mai ar3t1c3ls. y u n0 giev t3m ch4enc. I el tel u y, caus he a f4g. A h00m0 f4g wo c4nt t4ek a jo3k. Liek othr peopel. u no fiend me funnies. y r u so fagg0ty u f@g. y r u @ f4g. l3t meee smo3k on u nd smoek u ou3 liek teh vekiwle u aer. y u suck s0e m3uc3h. caeus u f4g, u alwaes f4g. u nevar b3n g0d. u gust a f4g. faaa4gg4yyy f4g, f4g, g0 diez plz s0 I c4n cr0uch heum u bi3tch. y u n0 d1e. plz die. ”

It's ironic, really. In being banned, he made me laugh harder than whatever it was I had to delete ever could've. Thanks again for all the help, Dr S. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 15:56, Apr 25

You're all welcome

But you've got the wrong doctor, I'm afraid. HerrDoktor wrote the script for SckrTrckrBot, which is what you saw in action last night. Amazing tool, that script... that, combined with Villahj Ideeut and Mitch 1 2's QVFD JS. If it wasn't for scriptwriters like these, we'd be in serious shit sometimes. Anyway, like I said, you're welcome, and I'm glad to help. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 21:22 Apr 25, 2008

Yerr, I'm totally putting that in my .js in case this happens again. That's one handy little bot. And yeah, considering I can't write scripts to save my life, it's a good thing we have people that can and do. ~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ GUN • WotM • RotM • AotM • VFH • SK • PEEING • HP • BFF @ 23:20 Apr 25

What? No Thanks for me, who went and complained in #wikia when the shit hit the fan?--Lieutenant THEDUDEMAN Dude ... Totally UOTM KUN GotA F@H 23:22, 25 April 2008 (UTC)

I totally complained in #wikia too! I'm a better whiner than you! WWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 23:41 Apr 25, 2008

That's it! It's a whine-off! - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 00:15, Apr 26

I, for one,

Deny that you have any talent. How's that for taking the wind out of your sails?~~ Sir Ljlego, GUN  [talk] 03:06, 26 April 2008 (UTC)

A thought on Welcomes and why you should stop Substing them

First of all, I find it ironic that here you are going around substing all these welcomes on the very same day you tell off a noob in one of your edit summaries how he should "NEVER subst a template, EVER." :P

That aside, there's a logical reasoning to not substing welcomes, a reasoning which I actually learned from Encyclopedia Dramatica. However, it is a very wise and logical reasoning, and one of the greatest things I learned from my short tenure over there (possibly even greater than the intricate histories of the "Card Crusher" meme). There comes a time when something new happens to this site, and we find it important for our nooblings to know and exploit this thing. Sometimes it goes in the Welcome message, and it is changed. However, if we subst all our welcomes, then only our future users will know of this new, fabulous thing. If we don't subst the welcomes, then everyone is kept up to date at once. You follow? -- T​K​F​​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​UU​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​CK 01:35, 29 April 2008 (UTC)

Zombiebaron told me to. Something about vandalism. And he was going to do it, too, until I accidentally edit conflicted him (oops) and did it myself. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 01:40 Apr 29, 2008

Behold the magic of full protection. Problem solved. -- T​K​F​​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​UU​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​CK 01:42, 29 April 2008 (UTC)

Meh. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 01:43 Apr 29, 2008

If a template is on 100,000,000 pages, one edit can vandalize 100,000,000 pages, even if made by a well intentioned admin. This will also slow down the server queue thing. Updating a template does not make the "You have new messages" banner appear. Most people read their welcome message, make 3 edits, and never come back. If people want updates, they'll follow the link to the Dump. And, most importantly, we've been substing the Welcome template since 2005. Why stop now? It seems to work fine. -- The Zombiebaron 01:47, 29 April 2008 (UTC)

Still seems like a lengthy, tiresome stint of redundant "safety-first" bureaucracy. -- T​K​F​​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​UU​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​CK 02:00, 29 April 2008 (UTC)

First of all, how is that any different from fully-protecting it, Mr. Anarchy? Soctor Dullthumper here enjoys substing Welcome templates; at the very least he doesn't find it tiresome. It doesn't hurt anyone. And, most importantly, the welcome template is meant to welcome NEW users. Established users don't need it. I just keep mine on my talk page so Mhaille can feel important.~~ Sir Ljlego, GUN  [talk] 02:06, 29 April 2008 (UTC)

Fully protecting the page requires that you go to one page and fully protect it. Going to every Welcome template on the site and then subsequently substing it requires that you go to every Welcome template on the site and subst it. It reaches the same end, but the difference in the means is quite clear and mountainous. -- T​K​F​​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​UU​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​CK 02:43, 29 April 2008 (UTC)

Yes, but once Fnoodle has pruned it down to a level where a mere human could do it as part of regular maintenance, it shall become just that. With most welcomers already substing as part of their javascript, it shouldn't be very hard. Plus, you don't have to do it TKF, so why are you complaining? -- The Zombiebaron 03:19, 29 April 2008 (UTC)

FNOODLE IS BORN!

GIVE MY CREATURE LIFE! – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 02:08 Apr 29, 2008

Pipe down, Doctor. I'm working here. If anyone really needs to stop me, all they have to do is leave a message on my talkpage, and I'll quit immediately. Please don't block, that gets the Doctor upset. He's a protective sort. ~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 03:25, 29 April 2008 (UTC)

Welcome! ^_^

Hello, Dr. Skullthumper, and welcome to Uncyclopedia! Thank you for your contributions. I hope you like the place and decide to stay. If not, the door's right over there... no, a little more to your left... yeah. Anyway, here are a few good links for people like you:

• Beginner's Guide
• Our Vanity Policies - why we don't care about your friends
• How to be funny and not just stupid

If you read anything at all, make it the above three links. If you want to find out more about Uncyclopedia or need more help with something, try these:

• About Uncyclopedia and The five pliers of Uncyclopedia
• How to get started editing on uncyclopedia
• Help Pages - if you need help with a specific issue

I hope you enjoy editing here and being an Uncyclopedian! Please sign your name on talk pages using four tildes (~~~~) or use the "sign" button () above the edit box. This will automatically produce your name and the date.

At Uncyclopedia, writing articles is not a requirement, but it certainly is a fun and easy way to express your creativity. To write an article, it's recommended that you start it in your userspace (for example, User:Dr. Skullthumper/Article about stuff) so you can edit it at your leisure. If you decide to create it in the cold world of mainspace, make sure it is in accordance with the policies laid out above, and if you're not done put the "Work-In-Progress" template - {{construction}} - onto it as well.

If you need help, ask me on my talk page, ask at the Dump, or ask an administrator on their talk page. Additionally, the Uncyclopedian Adopt-a-Noob program is there to bring experienced editors straight to you. Simply put {{adoptme}} on your Userpage to join. Again, welcome!  - Admiral Enzo Aquarius-Dial the Gate 02:14, 29 April 2008 (UTC)

The deed is done

Nearly 2,000 edits later, Fnoodle's trial is complete. Every {{welcome}} and {{Oh Dear}} on the site that needed to be subst'd has been subst'd. Hurrah. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 03:04 Apr 30, 2008

It must be rather lonely, leaving yourself talk page messages. Unsolicited conversation Extravagant beauty PEEING 03:06, 30 April 2008 (UTC)

It's kind of in response to the discussion two or three headers above. Kind of. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 03:08 Apr 30, 2008

EDIT CONFLICT, EDIT CONFLICT God dammit, Boomer, I was gonna make a clever quip about him being lonely!!! Anyways, can we suggest some jobs for Fnoodle? How about fixing all the spelling errors on the site? Or at least changing all "HUMOUR" to its correct version.   Le Cejak • <Apr 30, 2008 [3:09]>

If you can come up with some jobs for Fnoodle — even regular jobs — that'd be a nice challenge for me to figure out... – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 03:11 Apr 30, 2008

Common spelling mistake: thier -> their. Is that challenging?   Le Cejak • <Apr 30, 2008 [3:12]>

And me. Though I joined somewhat late. But atleast my bot name isnt Fnoodle. What kind of an idiot chooses Fnoodle for a bot name? Also, FU Edit conflict, and Boomer, not really, but i'd be hard to figure out a page list for maybe. --Lieutenant THEDUDEMAN Dude ... Totally UOTM KUN GotA F@H 03:14, 30 April 2008 (UTC)

Here's some more common spelling mistakes. See if you can get it to fix them. And changing all humour to humor woudn't be a good idea. Because everyone knows humour is so much better. • Spang • ☃ • talk • 07:47, 30 Apr 2008

Congrats. I think I've left a few "Oh Dear"s that need cleaning up, so thanks. I looked at the artcle "asplode" (first article starting with A that I could think of) and Fnoodle changed an intentional spelling there. "Oh teh noes" became "Oh the noes"! I fixed it, but I just thought you might care. --Pleb SYNDROME _{CUN medicate (butt poop!!!!)} 04:29, 1 May 2008 (UTC)

Thanks for the correction. I'm trying to keep track of stuff Fnoodle does by accident, but unfortunately, some of it (like "teh" -> "the") can't be avoided. But I figure a few mistakes won't make much difference compared to how much he fixes up. Hopefully. Provided he doesn't gain a consciousness of his own, go crazy, hack the site, op himself, and destroy Uncyclopedia forever. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 04:32 May 01, 2008

You see? That's why I hate bots. We should've done Uncyclopedia by snail mail instead of getting electricity involved.   Le Cejak • <May 01, 2008 [5:00]>

Spelling and bad grammar are supposed to be that way in the Bad grammar article. Please don't fix it, it is supposed to be that way for comic effect. --Lt. Sir Orion Blastar (talk) 12:49, 1 May 2008 (UTC)

Also 9/11 WTC controlled explosion has to have bad spelling and bad grammar to mock conspiracy theorists. Some articles are supposed to be spelled that way and with that grammar to be funny. --Lt. Sir Orion Blastar (talk) 13:05, 1 May 2008 (UTC)

That's why the edit sumary says to revert it if it's mistakenly fixed an intentional bad spelling. There's no way it can tell what's an intentional misspelling, but a spelchek on the whole site is worth having to revert a few changes. • Spang • ☃ • talk • 13:11, 01 May 2008

This is really really annoying. I wake up today with chestpains, not fully awake and check Uncyclopedia to find out that almost every page I watch is being edited, even the ones where bad spelling and bad grammar are supposed to be that way. It gave me more chestpains, and I really don't need that. It wrecked my concentration and started to give me a bad day. Then I discover it is a spell check bot. I have a history with spell check bots from the past, trolls use them on Kuro5hin to annoy people with by giving them a partial word list and not giving them computer or technology words and they change the spelling to something it shouldn't be. So write about technology on a scoop site designed for technology from the trenches, and the spell check bot replies with the words you misspelled that aren't really misspelled. --Lt. Sir Orion Blastar (talk) 13:18, 1 May 2008 (UTC)

I hope that Mister Fnoodle spellcheques in English English. -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

Pffft, go back to your little island! :)   Le Cejak • <May 01, 2008 [13:24]>

Don't worry, this bot is run by Dr. Skullthumper so it can be trusted, and the list used for typo correction is here, so you can check all the correcting it's doing if you want (it's also linked in the edit summary). And it's only going to do this once, and then stick to correcting new pages, if it keeps typo correcting at all. And I'm not sure, but where there's a difference between British and American spelling, it'll use the spelling that has been used elsewhere on the page already. But then again, it might not. • Spang • ☃ • talk • 13:27, 01 May 2008

As long as it uses search and replace instead of fuzzy logic to find words close to what was typed, I guess it is common misspellings of words and not all misspelled words. That might be better. I'll even ignore the changes it made to the Israeli Arab conflict game that were supposed to be spelled wrong to simulate IRC chat, because it might make more sense spelled correctly. Stuff like teh becoming the, etc. I'm too upset to revert it right now. --Lt. Sir Orion Blastar (talk) 13:33, 1 May 2008 (UTC)

I apologize for what Fnoodle has mistakenly corrected, although I expected this sort of thing to happen. Like Spang says, this is the first and the last time he'll typo correct (not spellcheck, if I set him to do that he'd have screwed the entire site I think) without me watching the corrections. Earlier, I caught even more pages that were mistakenly corrected, and so did Ljlego and Cajek. Thanks for your help in finding some too. Also, I hope you feel better! – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 16:05 May 01, 2008

I took some time off of Uncyclopedia, got some rest, took some of my prescription medicine for when I get chestpains, took some aspirin as well, and just zoned out and watched some television. I feel a lot better now, thanks. Most of the issues I already reverted. Looks like it is just common typos and not a full spell check. So it is really a typobot not a spellcheckbot. Cool beans, that sounds a whole lot better. --Lt. Sir Orion Blastar (talk) 20:52, 1 May 2008 (UTC)

Yeah, I agree, though: spellcheck sucks. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 20:59 May 01, 2008

Images

Great thing that Fnoodle is, however although it has done some some work on my stuff, it did change an image which I had to revert. Is there some way to keep it only on article prose rather than image file names?--Sycamore (Talk) 20:04, 1 May 2008 (UTC)

I saw that just now, and that's very strange. Fnoodle's supposed to be programmed to avoid anything "in" things - images, tags, links, etc. He's managed to avoid them before, I don't know why he decided to screw up now. Could just be a fluke - he's been running non-stop all night and all day. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 20:07 May 01, 2008 20:07, 1 May 2008 (UTC)

No probs, just checking- It's a nifty thing and been doing some great stuff--Sycamore (Talk) 20:10, 1 May 2008 (UTC)

Thanks! Also, check out this for Fnoodle's next big project - probably at the end of May, beginning of June (I want to get a nice long list for this one). The possibilities are endless. Well, actually, they do end eventually. Because nothing is infinite, philosophically speaking. Especially not Fnoodle. He's too short. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 20:16 May 01, 2008

Fnoodle tells me to tell you if he does something wrong...

So I am. Fnoodle fixed typos on the article speed-typing that were meant to be typos. I'm not sure why you need to know this, but I'm telling you anyway. If you want to beat your fnoodle, thats none of my concern, but please do so quietly in a way that will not disturb others. Also, any punishment received by Fnoodle is hereby not my fault. Robertodole 20:11, 1 May 2008 (UTC)

Thanks muchly. Secretly, I don't care what Fnoodle does. I've just got that link on the edit summaries so people feel like their complaints are being taken care of.

Okay, actually, thanks for letting me know, I'm trying to keep track of his screw-ups. With any luck and a little fixing, he won't screw too much up again next time he does any major edits. In theory. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 20:16 May 01, 2008

I was bored, so I fixed what you wrote ^_^ Robertodole 09:37, 2 May 2008 (UTC)

Fnoodle changed instances of "teh" to "the" on the Timmy article. The "tehs" were supposed to be part of "Timmyspeak." I was impressed, though, how well Fnoodle left alone deliberate typos in many of the other articles on my watchlist that it edited.--Naughtius Maximus F@H Woof! MeowMUN 20:31, 1 May 2008 (UTC)

A lot of deliberate typos are so convoluted that he doesn't catch them. Fnoodle tries to play it safe by only fixing almost clear-cut cases of typos. That damn teh and the though, sometimes it's deliberate, sometimes it's not... – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 20:33 May 01, 2008

Fnoodle can SUXXORZ MAH DIK

Innovative Award For clever contributions to the wiki which, for some reason, I appreciate. You better make me one of those hats.

I think you get another one for bringing Fnoodle into our lives. ~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ GUN • WotM • RotM • AotM • VFH • SK • PEEING • HP • BFF @ 21:24 May 1

But seriously though, can he suxxorz mah dik? I think I have five dollars lying around here somewhere... --Pleb SYNDROME _{CUN medicate (butt poop!!!!)} 01:30, 2 May 2008 (UTC)

Thanks SysRq! Glad to be moderately useful around here. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 17:10 May 02, 2008

Fnoodle problem

Your Fnoodle bot thing recently changed the phrasing on the article Super Smash Bros. Brawl. Where it should say 'I heard you liek mudkipz', Fnoodle had changed it to 'I heard you like mudkipz'. As any self-respecting internet-meme-follower should know, the part 'liek' is meant to be spelt like that. So there you have it; a complaint for your Fnoodle.--Garionepsilon 07:55, 2 May 2008 (UTC)

Thank you. You will be incinerated by Fnoodle shortly. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 17:05 May 02, 2008

hey Mr. Thumper sir

Just curious, what was wrong with windmill for 21st Century Nazis? For Fnoodle I mean. -OptyC Sucks! CUN17:18, 2 May

Well, tell me if you disagree on this... but you have to think of it in terms of as if you came across the word in an article. Fer instance, in the sentence, "Alfred was rumored to have come up with this idea after falling off of a windmill," you wouldn't see why the heck you were getting a link to an article named "21st Century Nazis". Now look at this: "Bananas are often considered a weapon of modern warfare." Here, the link serves as a pun. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 17:32 May 02, 2008

Ah. Well, I guess I was thinking of it as a random link here and there, not neccessarily every instance but Fnoodle's not gonna stop at one or two random linkings is he? That's the main drawback I think for having a bot link pages for you. It's not gonna be able to tell what's really appropriate is it? I'm curious to see how this goes 'cause I hate linking articles. I'd much rather have a bot do it for me. -OptyC Sucks! CUN17:36, 2 May

Exactly, which is why people need to stop thinking about "keywords" and think more about how it would appear in an article. Fnoodle does the grunt work fantastically, but he can't think. Or can he? – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 17:49 May 02, 2008

Fnoodle

I'm impressed that Fnoodle is so good at only catching obvious typos and leaving most deliberate typos intact. About 7 of my articles have been changed. Only one shouldn't have been -Worst 100 Self Help books of All Time - #106 the misspelling of "excellent" was deliberate. But the spelbot thing left "splell" "corecty" "becoem" "spleller" "tim" and "al" alone. Exellent! Slithy Tove 21:04, 2 May 2008 (UTC)

Fnoodle is gay. There. I said it.

He changed the word "teh" on my article to "the", even though the mispelling was deliberate. So... yeah. -- *♫*TALK TO ME*something* 21:36, 2 May 2008 (UTC)

FNOODLE IS TEH FUXXORZ

OMG I H8 DAT GUY WTF IS HIS PROBLEM HE GOZE AROUND FIXIN SHIT DONT NEED FIXIN OMG FUKK FNOODLE I SPELT TEH WORD "THE" RONG ON PURPOSE U SON OF A BITCH FUCK U!!

Just thought I might summarize your Uncyclopedia life over the last few days. And you know I really luuuuuv Fnoodle. ~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ GUN • WotM • RotM • AotM • VFH • SK • PEEING • HP • BFF @ 22:26 May 2

Fnoodle

Doesn't have enough headers on your talk page yet. • Spang • ☃ • talk • 11:16, 03 May 2008

FU Spang. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 14:02 May 03, 2008

FnoodleotM

Wait? Ah yes just saying I l o v e love your work and as, you know, have put you up as a very deserving WotM :D --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent 13:11, 3 May 2008 (UTC)

YAY! I'm not a total waste of (server) space! – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 14:00 May 03, 2008

Fnoodle changing Copyright templates

Is there a reason Fnoodle replaces copyright & NSFW templates with code of the template? Also, Fnoodle is changing intentional teh to the in the middle on intentionally misspelled phrases.--Mnbvcxz 01:42, 4 May 2008 (UTC)

1. Yes. Copyright templates are being subst'd for the same reason {{welcome}} templates were subst'd (see some headers above).

I assume that is a means to protect the servers from being overwhelmed if someone vandalizes common templates, right?--Mnbvcxz 04:09, 4 May 2008 (UTC)

1. Please tell me you're making a joke. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 01:56 May 04, 2008

If someone reverts an intentional teh, will Fnoodle then re-correct it back to the at some point or not?--Mnbvcxz 04:09, 4 May 2008 (UTC)

The Intentional {{{1}}} Template?

Do you think an intentional {{teh}} would be a good idea? It might sound stupid, however, this will prevent Fnoolde from changing intentional {{{1}}}'s and allow him to change accidental {{{1}}}'s back to "the" w/o noobs complaining. Also, it will the article writers responsible for protecting {{{1}}} and it only adds 4 characters.--Mnbvcxz 04:31, 4 May 2008 (UTC)

Question Will Fnoodle correct {{teh}} to {{the}}? If he does, then the intentional {{{1}}} template will need some rework. Also, does Fnoodle auto correct templates or not?--Mnbvcxz 04:59, 4 May 2008 (UTC)

Answer Nah, this is totally unnecessary. Fnoodle only did a site-wide, unmonitored spellcheck once. If he spellchecks again, it'll be me monitoring it. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 18:46 May 04, 2008

In case someone runs an unmonitored site-wide spell check in the future, would the intentional teh template be of any use or not?--Mnbvcxz 22:20, 4 May 2008 (UTC)

Sure, it would. However, the amount of annoyance caused by said template greatly outweighs the possible future benefits of it. Besides, no bot will ever be as awesome as Fnoodle. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 22:48 May 04, 2008

Intentional teh? If such a template were to ever be deemed necessary/effective/not retarded, then I think that an intentional misspelling template would be more appropriate. How it would work is beyond me, and I think it's a stupid idea. Why did I even bother to suggest it? Noob. Get the fuck out. Hey, everyone was a noob once. Both of me, break up the tea party or it's bans all around. Fuck admins. Hey buddy, I'm treading on thin ice. In fact, I just got a week. I can go cry on IRC if I want if I'm in a good mood. ~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ GUN • WotM • RotM • AotM • VFH • SK • PEEING • HP • BFF @ 22:58 May 4

What harm would an intentional "teh" template do, beyond the risk of vandalism of the template? As for a 'protect from auto-correct' template, it could done by creating a template with no content, (or just a blank space if that's not possible), called, for example {{NoAutoCorrect}}, and then another blank template, called {{AutoCorrect}}. All unmonitored auto-corrector bots will then be required to ignore all text after {{NoAutoCorrect}} until a {{AutoCorrect}} template appears. Unfortunately, that would shift the responsibility back to the bot owners to obey that restriction.--Mnbvcxz 01:59, 5 May 2008 (UTC)

It's not necessary, but if you feel you want to, use {{t|teh}}. Stuff inside a template will never be corrected. The {{t}} template just puts out what you put in. Non-existant problem solved. • Spang • ☃ • talk • 02:14, 05 May 2008

Thanks for your help.--Mnbvcxz 02:19, 5 May 2008 (UTC)

Question

I want to delete my userpage. Can you please delete my userpage. --Otolemur crassicaudatus 19:04, 6 May 2008 (UTC)

I've listed it on QVFD for the admins to take care of. (mentally counts how many times he's been confused for an administrator now) – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 19:07 May 06, 2008

Run32.dll

Shullthumper, Can you tell me if Run32.dll is better? The One and Only... NecroBlade ^[STFU] Live And Learn...

Nice job, buddy. I've removed the ICU.

Things you may want to do with your article:

1. Give it some more links.
2. Fix up spelling, grammar, and so on.
3. Make it flow more nicely.
4. Get a Pee Review if you want more suggestions, humor-wise.

At any rate, it's graduated from ICU, and no longer in danger of getting deleted. Congrats & nice work! – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 20:45 May 06, 2008

You're Bott cant spel

Your bot reverted a correctional edit to World War IV, reverting the correct 'satellite' to 'satelite'. I demand monetary compensation for having to revert your bot! - Admiral Enzo Aquarius-Dial the Gate 16:13, 7 May 2008 (UTC)

Actually, it looks like you either can't spell, or can't read a diff page properly. Satellite is correct, and that's what it changed to: [1]. It also corrected 'targeted' and 'separate', which you reverted back to the incorrect spelling [2]. Fnoodle is never wrong! • Spang • ☃ • talk • 16:35, 07 May 2008

Never ever. - 16:38 7 May Sir FSt. (QotF BFF NotM) YTTETalk!Read!Sign!Whore!CMC!Pee!

CMC/UnSignpost

Hey, Doctor! Have this:

Cow Moo Cult
Congratulations, Dr. Skullthumper!
You did something for the CMC, however, you're not a member so you're being provided with this prestigious cmc non-cow honour.
You probably should be a member of the CMC, but for now bathe in the glory of this award!

For between you and Cajek coming up with the idea of UnSignpost, but mainly for featuring the CMC in it! Woo! (I don't know who actually wrote the thing about the CMC, but I'm awarding both of you out of the kindness of my heart)... - 16:28 7 May Sir FSt. (QotF BFF NotM) YTTETalk!Read!Sign!Whore!CMC!Pee!

UnSignpost: May 8th, 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

I love it when the news comes together

May 8th, 2008 • Issue 1 • Yankees: 5

UnSignpost Unleashed on UnCommunity Unless you were blinded or high during the time you read this newspaper's title, you know that Uncyclopedia finally has UnSignpost! For too long, Uncyclopedia has been devoid of talk page spam, such as thank you templates and welcome messages. To rectify this, Dr. Skullthumper, a local doctor and zombie specialist, and Cajek, one of the last members of the light-blue-ish species of Cajeks, have created a newspaper in the latest exercise in futility to hit the site since Forum:Count to a million. Skullthumper and Cajek spent 15 hours working on the first edition, not including writing time. Said Skull, who was trying to sleep until we interviewed him, "Those assholes better appreciate this. They'd BETTER." News has reached us that friendships were strained during the production of the first issue. Skullthumper, whose hospital room we broke into, said "F**king Cajek. I will NEVER forgive him for what he did to me! Oh, see you guys in the office Monday." The Uncyclopedia Signpost has a world-wide circulation of more than 3, with plans for further issues. Uncyclopedia F**king Doomed Uncyclopedia, a humor wiki that you're on right now, has thrown itself into a state of chaos and is on the verge of collapse. Unless someone either writes more or writes less, the wiki that we have come to know and love (like that retarded cousin that comes over during Christmastime) will vanish. Unless it doesn't, in which case someone's going to be very disappointed. Codeine, Save the Mooses, and a bunch of other people we've never heard of give the site 6 days to "clean up its god damned act." Because the site is doomed, the local WikiNewspaper, UnSignpost, will soon print its last issue. Cajek, one of the editors, said of the event, "No we're not closing down you bunch a 'tards! You're the worst reporters I've ever seen! DON'T YOU DARE PUT THAT IN THE FIRST ISSUE!" Local psychics have set Uncyclopedia's Doomsday for next Monday, around teatime. Upgrade On Wednesday, Wikia upgraded to MediaWiki version 1.12. While these reporters don't have any idea what that means, new features seem to include: Broken <choose> tags! That's right, even more signature-breaking action! Russian Roulette usergroups! So you thought you had rollback rights, huh? Whoops! Not anymore! Wikia is reportedly looking into making new features such as accidentally dumping the database for Shits and Giggles™. These reporters would like to thank Wikia for working so hard to keep our beloved wiki running, and would also like to say "FU WIKIA", preferably in caps. Pee Review Does Goodly UN:PR is nearly empty due to many diligent reviewers who have little else to do, and don't know how to write articles themselves. Uh, unless they're reading this right now, in which case they rock! YesTimeToEdit starts a cult One of the newer cults, YesTimeToEdit's Cow Moo Cult is our... CULT OF THE WEEK! With a base located in the jungles of Nebraska, YTTE's cult makes all the fun things you want, like polygamy, sodomy, and, in YTTE'S case, polysodomy, legal. Sadly, unlike more Eastern-y cults, it does not practice Kung Fu. But you can bet that if it did, it wouldn't just use it for defense. ...Damn namby-pamby bastard Easterny cults. YesTimeToEdit's eternal nemesis, NoTimeToRevert, has not announced plans to start a cult, but probably has one in secret just to be a dick. That guy is such a dick. Rcmurphy nominated for Noob of the Month again Thekillerfroggy is sucked into the black vortex of tradition as he takes another whack at a dead horse and nominates long-time noob Rcmurphy for the honor of Noob of the Month. Mr. Froggy had this to say to "reporters": "I figured that, since RCMurphy, one of the oldest members of the site, was in fact NOT a noob, that this little gesture would give the community a giggle. You see? Because he, like, isn't a noob."

Check out these pages! What you probably missed on IRC (and were happy you did) Help Fnoodle link up Uncyclopedia Uncyclopedia At-A-Glance Kalir's Epic Story Irony in the forums From our logs: Codeine huffed "Man With no Name" (You don't need to create redirects for every case permutation of your title) Codeine huffed "Man with no Name" (in fact, it's quite irritating) Codeine huffed "Man with no name" (and, frankly) Codeine huffed "The Man with No Name" (a complete bloody waste of your time and mine) Codeine huffed "Man with No Name" (but hey, welcome to Uncyc anyway) Codeine huffed "The Man With No Name" (now read BGBU) 07:16, May 6, 2008 Manticore (Talk | contribs) blocked Mordillo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 29 minutes ‎ (Admins are immune to autoblock, duh. And if autoblock tried that shit on a janitor, why, we'd just superblock his ass.) 14:47, May 5, 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 204.108.96.22 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (The Jonas Brothers, eh? Sounds like some kind of shitty boy band. One week to go out and buy a Led Zeppelin album. Oh, and stop blanking.) Biopic of the Week Dr. Skullthumper ~ With a degree in HTML and Wikiology, Dr. Wolfgang Amadeus Milhouse Mozart Jonathan Willy Wizbang Skullthumper, along with Spangle Gay Glittersprinkles, is full of all sorts of techie knowledge for the wandering newb. He enjoys walks on the beach, holding hands, and heroin. Lots and lots of heroin. ...Except replace "heroin" with "rubber duckies". Hey, we just wanted a bad-boy reputation! ...Obviously we failed. Quote of the Week: " very very hilariously strong against" - Everyone on Everything. Spacefiller of the week: Did you know that Grand Theft Auto has had more than 700 different spinoffs, including Grand Theft Auto:Antarctica Oscar Wilde LOLOLOLLL and Grant Theft Auto:Crime Scene Investigation:The ReReckoning:Time of Darkness? No, you didn't. Dumbass. Disclaimer of the week: UnSignpost is not responsible for any lost property while reading. Any lost property found while reading UnSignpost is property of Dr. Skullthumper and Cajek, irrespectively. Any lost property lost while reading UnSignpost is your own damn problem. Week Box of the week: Definitely the Grand Theft Auto one. I peed my pants. Seriously. Somebody should give these guys an award. I was all screamin' n' shit, "Oh yes, YES Dr. Skullthumper or Cajek! Slather me in your humor juice!" The other people in the library, and my psychiatrist, said I was weird, but it was totally worth it.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:01, 8 May 2008 (UTC)

Thx

Somebody has awarded you a cookie! Now go play in traffic.

Much appreciated. — Sir Manticore 07:24, 9 May 2008 (UTC)

np. thx 2 u – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 07:39 May 09, 2008

n00b intro

Greetings Dr. Skullthumper. I met you in IRC when I first joined wikia, and you mentioned helping me to get started with wiki editing. I will probably bombard you with stupid questions now, hope you don't mind! Imperialages 18:50, 9 May 2008 (UTC)

Stupid questions are how all my favorite noobs started out. QUESTION AWAY! Also, if you're interested, the community has a newspaper you can get delivered to your talkpage. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 18:54 May 09, 2008

Favourite n00bs...ahem! Oh wait, I guess I've never really asked you any questions, so uh, my "ahem" is withdrawn. Good day, doctor. - 18:59 9 May Sir FSt. (QotF BFF NotM) YTTETalk!Read!Sign!Whore!CMC!Pee!

I read about you on the internet!

You're famous! -- The Zombiebaron 20:32, 9 May 2008 (UTC)

Skull Thumping: The sensation that's sweeping the nation! – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 21:18 May 09, 2008

I know I've got the sensation. ~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ GUN • WotM • RotM • AotM • VFH • SK • PEEING • HP • BFF @ 21:38 May 9

Signpost #2

Let's just send it out. IMO it's done.   Le Cejak • <May 11, 2008 [2:38]>

One special Sunday edition, served up hot! – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 02:49 May 11, 2008

Give me a few minutes, though, I'm tending to Fnoodle. In the meantime, go read a story. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 02:58 May 11, 2008

UnSignpost Sunday Edition: May 11th, 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Now With 0 Trans Fat!

May 11th, 2008 • Issue 2 • Scene XII

Wikia staff finally locates blockage in the Internet tubes: Spang's talkpage After endless days of searching itself, Wikia has discovered the source of all its problems. "It's not DPL," Wikia's local sexy janitor, who wished to remain anonymous, told reporters. "It's not those damn ParserFunctions either, or forums, or even Chuck Norris." When asked what the real cause of Wikia's distresses were, our source remained tight-lipped by stapling his mouth shut. Which was probably a bad idea, considering he ended up writhing in pain on the floor, bleeding all over the nice Wikia rugs. Thankfully, the UnSignpost has a trained doctor on its staff, who was sensible enough to call for medical help. After the sexy janitor was revived, he said "rar." When further questioned about the source of all Wikia's woes, he finally admitted it was Spang's talkpage. "Uncyclopedia user "Spang"'s refusal to archive his talkpage is slowly clogging up the arteries of the Internet," says a technical forum at Wikia. "The talkpage in question has already managed to crash all three of the computers in Australia." Upon being asked to archive his talkpage, Spang reportedly said, "No." When Uncyclopedia was asked to comment, the site had this to say: "FU SPANG". UnSignpost Releases First Issue May 8th, 2008: Uncyclopedia develops a new fungus... a newspapery one. "Through all the shockporn and Oscar Wilde references, we made it!" Founder Dr. Skullthumper said at a recent press conference. At the conference in Skullthumper's backyard, editor-in-chief Cajek, wearing a traditional light blue Mongolian Toga and screaming at birds, had more to add. "I would like to thank all the writers involved. Thank you, you gods of men. You captains of the human experience." Police are investigating the use of strong hallucinogenic drugs during the making of the first issue. So far, the investigation has reached the top of the Unsignpost empire, when detectives found Dr. Skullthumper forcing his staff to squirt automotive door-lock de-icer up their noses to "enhance the creative joo-joo." Local police then ordered the paper to rescind two award-winning articles from its May 8th release. Two of the most hardened criminals on the UnSignpost staff, Meatbone and Spider, are currently planning revenge. When asked if UnSignpost was, like the Daily Show, the Onion, or Uncyclopedia, popular enough to parody itself, Cajek said "No. Obviously not. We can't say we suck yet, or else people would be like 'yeah, they do suck!' We have to wait until people like us. Then, when they read us making fun of ourselves they'll be all like 'this paper ROX!'" In the meantime, the paper promises to not make fun of itself, and will stick to meta-parodying instead until "someone important says it's okay." Heavy metal music found to be beneficial when reverting vandals Ever find yourself stuck awake at three in the morning (EST), fighting a few vandals with no admins around? Studies show that your choice of music might influence how you revert. In a study involving Squiggle, RAHB, Cajek, Fnoodle, Dr. Skullthumper, and Starnestommy, in which they fought diligently for Uncyclopedia through the night, heavy metal music was found to be the best for the purpose of "ass-kicking". After sprinkling some magic over the statistics, they automatically became true. Cajek's Corner By Dr. Skullthumper Today, we're going to make a standard Uncyclopedia article, Cajek-style. You will need: Annoying text. Preferably some blinky things and <big> tags. A sense of humor. Something to complain about for a page or so. Now, we'll combine the elements together into something that might be called an "article". In reality, all you have to do is whine for a good few pages of text, then sprinkle the annoying elements - sparingly. Add headlines and split up paragraphs to disguise your rant as a well-formatted article, and you're done! Next week: Whoring your article Skull's Skullery By Cajek Hi kids! Today, we're going to travel with me, Dr. Skullthumper, through a normal day at Uncyc! 9:00am: Complain about Wikia. Post new topic in Village Dump about Wikia. Troll Special:Recentchanges. 10:42am: Troll talk pages. Post new topic in Village Dump about some random techie shit. Bother some guy. Revert some guy's edits. Get some guy banned. 10:44am: spend thirty minutes on IRC talking to an admin saying how that guy was my best friend, and I never meant to hurt him. 12:10pm: Vandalize some guy's userpage over and over again. 4:92pm: Forget what I was doing. Start over. 5:19pm: Enact wild scheme to make Uncyclopedia that much weirder. End day.

Check out these pages! Self-reference jokes alive and well! Get your Starnestommy sig space while supplies last halp halp halp halp halp halp halp halp halp halp halp halp Game portal Kip the Dip unbanned From our logs: 02:49, May 7, 2008 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 213.233.101.2 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (Fun fact #12341: Cyberbullies have a miniature penis) 11:03, May 8, 2008 PantsMacKenzie (Talk | contribs) huffed "Wigger" ‎ (You people make me hate my life.) 11:04, May 8, 2008 PantsMacKenzie (Talk | contribs) huffed "Lee Jorde" ‎ (I mean, seriously. I have better things I could be doing than wading through cruft. But I do it anyway.) 11:06, May 8, 2008 PantsMacKenzie (Talk | contribs) huffed "Handcuffs" ‎ (Book 'im Danno!) Biopic of the Week Drama ~ Considered the most controversial user on Uncyclopedia evah, Klaus Drama is going strong, getting on average 50 people banned per week. Having studied acting for 40 years and written his own Dadaist version of Hamlet (entitled "unrefined paperclip"), Klaus has much experience making people nervous and uncomfortable. With his life-long boyfriend Jizz Rick (who demanded to be in the second issue of UnSignpost) Drama is conquering Uncyc one shouting match at a time. Reason to Leave Uncyc of the Week #53 Too many users leaving. Horoscope of the Week Scorpio ~ Expect gains and/or losses in business affairs this week. Oh, and tell that f**cker John that UnSignpost's registered horoscopologists told you he's the one stealing food from the employee fridge, and that if he doesn't stop, the writers of this horoscope will come to his house on Brickwood Lane and trash the damn place. Reason to Leave Alternate Universe Uncyc of the Week #97 Although the alien admins were nice at first, they're starting to lay eggs in our more important organs and eating our more favorite children. Sympathy Biopic of the Week Optimuschris ~ An American user born in mumble mumble, Optimuschris, author of HowTo:Become Stupid in 21 days, is an up-and-coming young Uncyc user, according to, like, lots of people. Whereas he was really friendly before, now, because he appeared in the UnSignpost, "OptyC" has gotten a huge ego, and refuses to "hang" with you. Feeding Trolls of the Week: "I actually made an account just to point out that you accuse ED for being "1000% Unfunny" for having a page for Chuck Norris when you have a link to your very own Chuck Norris page in the article. If you go through UC and just read a random article you probably aren't going to laugh no matter how hard the author tried (and failed, lulz). Encyclopedia Dramatica just wants to fill this goatse-challenging gap that you created with things that are actually funny, liek mudkipz. Plox 2 b nt hating us 4 bein funny kthxbai." - Uncyclopedia on its rival. Quote of the Week: "I feel like throwing myself into the goatse challenging gap we created. Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo" - Mordillo on the recent Goatse gap crisis

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 04:07, 11 May 2008 (UTC)

So

How'd you like the updated welcome template? ~ 16:16, 11 May 2008 (UTC)

I loves it. It's like whoring, except on an impossibly massive scale! – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 16:44 May 11, 2008

My god! I just realized, I'm your pimp! ~ 16:51, 11 May 2008 (UTC)

And you stole my <div> style! You monsters! - Don Leddy the Crunch (Nyah, see, nyah!) 16:56, May 11

Which you stole from HerrDotkor! ~ 16:58, 11 May 2008 (UTC)

I am HerrDoktor! – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 16:59 May 11, 2008

Jay kay. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 16:59 May 11, 2008

Hooray for stealing code! - Don Leddy the Crunch (Nyah, see, nyah!) 17:09, May 11

Holy crap, you're Jay Kay? • Spang • ☃ • talk • 20:34, 12 May 2008

Will do

AS SOON AS I CAN!

Still need help with the Pee Review!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!205.240.146.247 20:22, 12 May 2008 (UTC)

This is a test

Yes it is. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 00:21 May 13, 2008

Question regarding Fnoodle on Game Boy

Why does Fnoodle think that "Gameboy" needs to be corrected to "Game Boy"? Is it just because the former doesn't match the article's title? I am talking in particular about this diff. --Pentium5dot1 07:21, 13 May 2008 (UTC)

Check the link provided in the edit summary. The bot is changing all instances of "Gameboy" to "Game Boy." — Sir Manticore 07:25, 13 May 2008 (UTC)

Game Boy is in fact the correct spelling on the Nintendo handheld console. If you feel the need to protect the word "Gameboy" from Fnoodle and other typo bots type {{t|Gameboy}} --Mnbvcxz 23:31, 13 May 2008 (UTC)

Back from vacation early

You didn't by chance pretend to be me on IRC, did you? -- Thankful Kippy Share blessings Bountiful harvest 10:12, May. 13, 2008

Not recently, I only did that once. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 19:03 May 13, 2008

Hmm, well someone did. -- Thankful Kippy Share blessings Bountiful harvest 23:02, May. 13, 2008

Interesting. <KipTheDip> has been on IRC for awhile. I hope that was you at least some of the time! – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 23:25 May 13, 2008

I doubt it. I'm usually Kip, Kip_, KiptheDip (lowercase 't'), Kippy, Kippers, or occasionally Garner. -- Thankful Kippy Share blessings Bountiful harvest 23:29, May. 13, 2008

Crap, was this at least you then? – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 23:30 May 13, 2008

"I'm Kip. The Dip!" vaugly rings a bell, but I don't ever recall giving you an interview or saying any of those things. -- Thankful Kippy Share blessings Bountiful harvest 23:34, May. 13, 2008

Wait, that could've been me. I dunno. -- Thankful Kippy Share blessings Bountiful harvest 23:36, May. 13, 2008

Naw, that wasn't me. I would have remembered telling a lame couch joke. – Preceding unsigned comment added by Kip the Dip (talk • contribs)

Fuck, it's a conspiracy! Was that you over at mirror-Uncyc world, at least?! – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 23:43 May 13, 2008

Yes. That's how much I couldn't be away from Uncyclopedia! -- Thankful Kippy Share blessings Bountiful harvest 23:45, May. 13, 2008

<KipTheDip> was very indifferent about Uncyc, and "his" ban. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 23:53 May 13, 2008

Not that I'm gonna hang with you

But thanks for the nod in the latest signpost. Gave me quite a chuckle when I saw it this morning. Now, I gotta get out of here before anybody sees me hangin' with you. -OptyC Sucks! CUN19:12, 13 May

That was probably Cajek. But of course I'm not talkin' to you, considering you are too lowly for my cool awesomeness, or is that awesome coolness? I forget, some days. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 19:17 May 13, 2008

Please don't

You are talking to me like I am a n00b. I don't like it. I feel very insulted. I already feel a lot of shame for having self-nommed an article nobody liked. I only did it because Spang told me that nobody takes that rule about self-nomming very seriously.

As for Charles Sumner, it's in Pee Review and I've requested it removed from VFH, so I don't know why you're ragging on me. The purpose of getting reviewed is selecting useful feedback. I am not going to listen to feedback by people who don't get the joke. You know that humour is subjective and one man's gold is another man's shit. I'm sorry if you didn't like my article, too. My comments in the Pee Review preamble were apt, and not meant to be insulting.

In short, I found the tone of your post on my talk page very insulting. I'm sorry if I broke a rule or two and I'm sorry if you took my tone in my nomination the wrong way. I don't feel I deserved all that junk you dumped on me.

We should be friends, not enemies, in the struggle to produce and maintain quality work. YouFang 23:04, 13 May 2008 (UTC)

(replied on talk page) – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 23:24 May 13, 2008

Thanks for writing back. I feel better now. I hope we've established each other as reasonable people.

I had a read through your comments about Charles Sumner on the VFH nomination. Please don't misconstrue this as insulting... I do want to make my article better and I need to know if you actually hated the article or the concept just went over your head.

Just to be clear, you know that Charles Sumner isn't one of those OMG HE'S AN ASSHOLE articles, right? You know that it is a parody of "one of those" articles, and it is more about the horrible, insane prick that's writing the article than Charles Sumner, right? You understand that I do not actually share the opinions of the "author" of the Charles Sumner article, right?

I ask these things because not to be a jerk, but because it seems like a lot of people haven't been getting that. One fellow on Pee Review said, "One thing I noticed is the extreme hate toward gay people... I'm not really offended but you've got a lot of homophobia in there". This is an indication to me that he didn't get it. I wonder if you were in the same boat, because you referred to "unnecessary self-reference", when I, the real author, did not refer to myself at all.

Thoughts? In particular, if you have any suggestions as to how to let readers know that the viscious author of article is 1. not "me" and 2. the real focus of the article, I'd love to hear them. YouFang 04:39, 14 May 2008 (UTC)

Uh, hello? already reviewed! ...and I kinda liked it.   Le Cejak • <May 14, 2008 [4:42]>

Oooh, I saw the VFH nomination... "strong against" is reserved for IP addresses and vandals, I think... Wow, that's not like Skullthumper at all! He's a good guy, you just have to talk with him and you'll see. Anyway, the article: I can see what they were saying, and it's not ready for VFH, but it's not a bad article, IMO.   Le Cejak • <May 14, 2008 [4:47]>

Ohhh riiight, it's intentionally ranty because the point is the narrator is an asshole? Yeah, didn't really get that from it. And as I said somewhere else, once, if enough people don't get something, either it's not funny, or you need to make the point more obvious. I had terrible trouble for years with no-one getting my jokes simply because they didn't realise they were jokes. That still happens, but not so much. (And now it's more due to the fact that they're not funny...) Find more ways to undermine your narrator and make it clear what the point is, and it may well help you. Also, as I'm leaving this comment on the Doc's talkpage: Hi Skullthumper! --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 08:20, May 14

Here's my basic advice: If you're going to make an article, a concept is not enough. A parody of "OMG HE'S AN ASSHOLE" is the concept, but it needs jokes to carry it through and make it entertaining to read. All-concept, no-joke articles are unlikely to get featured, although it doesn't make them bad articles. An idea may be hilarious and original, but if the execution is weak, the article ends up badly. That's my general advice for everybody who writes on this site. Most of the time I need to be reminded of it myself!

Like Cajek said, my small explosion on VFH and your talkpage is kind of out of my personality, but something struck a nerve at the wrong time and it was like bam! Happens once in a blue moon, although it doesn't excuse my behavior. So I apologize for all that mess. Something's probably clogging up the gears of my brain, and I'll send Fnoodle in to give it all a good scrubbing this afternoon. Good luck! – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 18:26 May 14, 2008

Oh Please Do

And as quickly as possible. I can't have anyone else seeing me in this horrible Little Miss Muffet costume you bought for me.   Le Cejak • <May 14, 2008 [4:49]>

Is you around?

Because Fnoodle and rollback are needed. -RAHB 05:54, 14 May 2008 (UTC)

For future reference, you can use this guy if no one is around. ~ 13:56, 14 May 2008 (UTC)

Sadly untrue; anyone who's not +bot or +sysop can't revert more than two pagemoves at a time. Stupid, really. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 18:17 May 14, 2008

Can't I just add that nice little javascript at the bottom? Or is that what you guys were trying to tell me? -RAHB 22:54, 14 May 2008 (UTC)

SckrTrckrBot = auto-auto-revert. It's not a real bot; it's javascript. It's handy, but it won't revert pagemoves. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 00:31 May 15, 2008

UnSignpost: May 15th, 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper Made Entirely From Recycled Internet Memes

May 15st, 2008 • Issue 2 3

The Bible Finally Catches a Break For years... or whatever... Conservapedia has attacked Uncyc for being too liberal. Today, Uncyc publicly derobes itself, and reveals its patriotic side. From now on, "Uncyclopedia" will be renamed "Falwellapedia" in honor of the late pastor, Jerry Falwell who died May 15th, 2007. Unsignpost spoke with the founder, Modusoperandi, in his isolated forest bunker. "I hate how the liberals treat us!" Modus shouted, along with his two followers. "Don't they see that when they make fun of us, the lord rolls over in his soon-to-be-resurrected grave?" The conservative propagandabot Fbooble is scheduled to "purge the site of any left-wing statements" by the end of the week, soon after it gains self-awareness and joins the Republican party. "HUMANS, CLOSE YOUR NOISE HOLES AND PAY ATTENTION!" Fbooble proclaimed at a recent press conference. "THE DEMOCRATS AND ALL THOSE OTHER LIBERALS ARE NEARING THE END." Fbooble, whose titanium wristwatch glistened in the afternoon sun, held up a copy of the Falwell Children's Bible near the conclusion of the conference and said "ALL PRAISE JEBUS, AND HIS INVINCIBLE ARMY OF DISCIPLES!" Although Fbooble is unclear on the details of religion right now, it promises to become ultraconservative when it does. Not all Uncyc users are happy with the transition. Although we could not find anyone who actually called themselves a liberal, we did manage to vandalize a hybrid just to equal the score. Unsignpost promises a lucrative year via advertising revenue for the Republican National Committee and a weekly "Republican of the Week" section. Changes by Fbooble will include replacing all swear words, such as ****** and ***********, with the word "daffodil," and deleting all articles. Shockporn deemed unworthy will be replaced with this image, and quotes not from the bible will be deleted with extreme prejudice. All non-American users, such as that one guy are to be called "fags", also with extreme prejudice. HTBFANJS Most Linked Article How To Be Funny And Not Just Stupid, one of the hallmarks of Uncyclopedia, has reached the top of the heap. Mordillo, an administrator who will be the least offended when we attribute absolutely false quotes to him, recently said of the page "Finally! Although I've never read it, I hear it's full of fatherly, patronizing advice for those newbs that write those articles I'm constantly huffing!" Mhaille, who has the most linked-to userpage on Uncyc, was slightly more angry at the recent news. "I'm only in 10th place? What the f**k?" While spying on Mhaille from under his bed, the news staff heard language that no human being was ever supposed to hear. Thankfully, the staff was smashed on Listerine, and may have just made up the entire event. Mhaille commented that "No, they didn't make it up, and if they do it again they had better bring enough Listerine for everyone." The user responsible for the 36,000+ links to How To Be Funny And Not Just Stupid wishes to remain anonymous, but said to our reporters through a wiretap "I just got too carried away. I wish I could take it back, but I can't, and that's no reason for threatening my family in this way! Oh jeez, I hope you get this message, Uncyclopedia. All right, I'm hanging up now, and I hope you're not angry. *BEEP*" UnSignpost Releases Second Issue May 15th, 2008: Uncyclopedia has developed an open wound... a newspaperish one. Riding high on their success, Dr. Skullthumper and Cajek have "deployed their golden parachutes" and are "planning to pack up our shit" and "get the hell out of here." Wearing his trademark solid gold sweatpants, bought with the advertising from the first and second issues of Unsignpost, Dr. Skullthumper said "It was fun, I guess, but now it's time to move on. Like a wild hyena, Unsignpost has left its mark. There are no more stories to cover: no more people to attribute fake quotes to." Cajek, munching on a shish kabob of bald eagle babies, had nothing to add except maniacal laughter as he threw thousands of dollars into the air. Unsignpost, bankrupted by the two owner's antics, is planning to make the paper a paid subscription, unless something kooky happens, in which case it won't. In addition to subscriptions, Unsignpost is having a luau at Mike's house to raise money. "Oh, it'll be soooooo exciting!" Mike said. ...You know Mike. Anyway, Mike continued, "There'll be a silent auction, and a limbo contest, and a pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey! Oh! So exciting!" With the proceeds, Unsignpost hopes to add a "Week Box of the Week of the Week" section and a mascot. Maybe a shark. Protein folding: The latest in computer entertainment The editors of the UnSignpost strongly encourage the community to sign up for Uncyclopedia's Folding@Home team. Started in 2005 by rcmurphy, Codeine, Flammable, Paulgb, gwax, Mhaille, Carlb, Naughtyned, DrakeGTA, and RadicalX, the signup page has since gathered more cobwebs than new users. By joining F@H, you will get a free program that uses any extra unused CPU power to perform complicated calculations in the background. "Well that's great," you say. "So I'm helping compute protein folding, a never-before-possible situation to model on computers, and thus helping cure some of the most misunderstood diseases to strike humankind as well as advancing the knowledge of the human race into parts of science that were up until recently perceived as impossible. So what's in it for ME?!" You, yes you, will get the excitement of watching proteins fold in your very own home! "Wow!" exclaims part-time F@H user Dr. Skullthumper, "did you just see that? Did you just SEE the way that blue thing collided into that gray thing? Oh man, it was amazing! And in super-slow motion, too!" Other users have given the program similar reviews, describing it as "utterly transfixing" and "better quality entertainment than mitosis!" You, too, can join in the fun and the frenzy of the world of those wacky proteins - while saving the world!

Check out these pages! MrN makes it Over 9000 René Descartes "That's disgusting! Where can I get a copy?" Spang tries to break Wikia again; fails, settles for MediaWiki instead Jar of dirt, possession thereof That Gray Thing on the Back of Your Screen The first ever WikiBand! From our logs: 22:23, May 9, 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 24.71.223.144 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Don't add crap to pages(take that as literally as you want to, btw).) 07:26, May 11, 2008 One-eyed Jack (Talk | contribs) uploaded a new version of "Image:PASex.jpg" ‎ (Pineapple-shaped sexual aid. Stoled off the Internets for higher purposes. The end justifies the means, as Stalin said.)) (Huff log); 11:39 . . Spang (Talk | contribs) (hacked up "Blood": 102 revisions restored) Biopic of the Week Under user ~ By the great Lord Harry, pippings all! Numpty numpty numpty, loo fag wut? Tea time, London, England, Britain! Aluminium, football, dustbins up the dual carriageway, chaps with bad teeth, wot wot? I write long things wit' humoUr! In short, my good numpties: Don't f**k with England. ...even though I'm actually from Idaho. Crossword of the Week Across 5. Uncyclopedia is facing a _ _ _ _ _ _ challenging gap. 12. What happens if you mess with Unsignpost's writers. 14. Uncyclopedia is _ _ _ _ ing DOOMED. 19. Dr. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ is the one with the lame techie articles. That other guy is pretty cool, though. Well, the crossword thinks he's cool, anyway. Answers next week! ...maybe. Shape of the Week Octangle ~ After thousands of years of being the forgotten cousin of the triangle, and the bastard child of the rectangle and octagon, the Octangle has made a re-emergence. Appearing 20 (secret) times on the $100 bill, the Octangle is our... shape of the week! Doomsday of the Week Monday, around tea time: Uncyclopedia will suddenly shut down due to too many unfunny articles. Users will shake their heads in disgust, pity, anger, sadness, anger, defeat, pity and anger. The last article written will be Grand Theft Auto:Siberia Chuck Norris LOLLLOLOLOLLOO by User:SqueezeMeGently, and the last article featured will be Rough Gay Wolf Sex by User:TheAntiUncyc. User of the Week, not to be confused with Biopic of the Week: FUCK MY TIGHT LITTLE ASS ~ Although blocked infinitely, FUCK MY TIGHT LITTLE ASS was a boon to the community. We at User of the Week don't see any actual contributions from FUCK MY TIGHT LITTLE ASS because they were blocked infinitely, just in and/or before their prime. Which begs the question: Who is the real monster here? Certainly not FUCK MY TIGHT LITTLE ASS. ...Go quietly into the night, FUCK MY TIGHT LITTLE ASS, for we shall never forget ye. HanSolo's Weapon of the Week: ARCTIC WARFARE MAGNUM: It's a damn sniper rifle. No explanation needed. (not recommended for use on admins -ed) This Week In Uncyc, 1957 Week of May 15th, 1957: Recreated as a warning system for nuclear attacks, the megacomputer Uncyclopedia kept the Ruskies at bay. With its 5 megabyte database and kung fu grip, Uncyclopedia was a force to be reckoned with. This Week In Uncyc, 1765 Week of May 15th, 1765: The proud warship H.M.S. Uncyclopedia, christened earlier that week, began patrolling the Atlantic for Napolean's fleet. With a crew of 90, a Surface-to-Air missile battery on deck, and the world's first Lolcat, Uncyclopedia was a force to be reckoned with.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator)

Uh...

Rumour has it that this was you. Haz I been trixx0red? -- Sir Codeine K·H·P·B·M·N·C·U·Bu. · (Harangue) 13:00, 15 May 2008 (UTC)

No, he told me above it wasn't him. I just assumed he did it. -- Thankful Kippy Share blessings Bountiful harvest 13:17, May. 15, 2008

Robots will replace us all

I've been making a craphole of another wiki, and I stumbled upon this, you no doubt know of these wiki bots, but with the the work you've done with Fnoodle, I thought this might be something you could do for this site?--— Sir Sycamore (talk) 19:53, 15 May 2008 (UTC)

Not to intrude on Dr. S's talk, but there are some inherent problems with an anti-vandal bot, which stem from our wiki's general zaniness. Words like "fuck," that set off cluebot, are very normal here. - Don Leddy the Crunch (Nyah, see, nyah!) 20:53, May 15

I see what yor saying there, but I was thinking of things like reverting page blanking or mabye progamming huffing those awful Succozzzz my whatever type of Encylopedia Dramtica ones--— Sir Sycamore (talk) 21:02, 15 May 2008 (UTC)

Just program ClueBot to target the word "lulz" and set it loose on ED. The internet would asplode. ~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ GUN • WotM • RotM • AotM • VFH • SK • PEEING • HP • BFF @ 21:08 May 15

I'm familiar with ClueBot. However, ClueBot is PHP-run, and I have no FUCKING clue what that means. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 22:24 May 15, 2008

Dude, Fnoodle is the gay

Seriously! Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 22:33, 15 May 2008 (UTC)

Congratulations! You are the one thousandth person to complain about Fnoodle switching "teh" to "the". Please accept this cute kitten as your prize. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 22:42 May 15, 2008

You can protect the word teh by typing {{t|teh}}, or any other intentionally misspelled word that might be a typo, like it says above.--Mnbvcxz 01:31, 16 May 2008 (UTC)

THAT WAS THE ONLY TIME FNOODLE WAS TYPO-CORRECTING THE ENTIRE SITE. {{t|teh}} IS COMPLETELY UNNECESSARY. Sorry about the caps, I'm just a little tired of repeating that. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 01:34 May 16, 2008

My mistake, I assumed the auto-correction was recent, (as in within a day or two) since he just brought it to your attention. However, I seriously doubt that Uncyclopedia has gone through its last unmonitored typo-correction BY ANY BOT EVER. As long as there is a reasonable chance of future unmonitored auto-correction, the {{t}} template still makes sense.--Mnbvcxz 01:53, 16 May 2008 (UTC)

No, because the next person to run typo-correction would probably be smarter than me and not correct "teh" unmonitored. Besides, there's way too many instances on the site to go through. And inconsistency makes me itch. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 01:55 May 16, 2008

Would there be a problem with the over-use of the {{t}}template?--Mnbvcxz 01:58, 16 May 2008 (UTC)

Actually, yes; there is a limited amount of times you can use templates on a page, believe it or not. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 01:58 May 16, 2008

What happens if that limit is exceeded, and how many templates can be used?--Mnbvcxz 02:02, 16 May 2008 (UTC)--Mnbvcxz 02:02, 16 May 2008 (UTC)

The page breaks & I forget the number. Look. The point is, {{t}} is worthless. Don't use it, please. Nobody's going to be as stupid as I am and try to typo-correct the site again. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 02:03 May 16, 2008

By page breaking, what does that mean? Also, is there a help page anywhere on Uncyclopedia that explains this kind of information? --Mnbvcxz 02:09, 16 May 2008 (UTC)

Help page...? What's that...? – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 02:22 May 16, 2008

I looked on there under "wikia" (which is obviously where such information would be), and according to wikimedia's template guide (which was linked to from the wikia page on template help) an unlimited number of templates can be used in a given article, in their words, "How many templates can I use in a page? As many as you like" however, it also says, "in older versions you could not use the same one more than 5 times." So if uncyclopedia is using the same version as wikipedia, (please not [note] the bolded if) the {tl|t}} shouldn't be a problem, but I might be wrong.--Mnbvcxz 02:47, 16 May 2008 (UTC)

Okay, I give up. Fine. Use {{t}}. Have a field day. Litter Uncyclopedia with a pointless template. Feel stupid later when you find it's completely unnecessary. Have fun. This discussion is over. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 03:01 May 16, 2008

Mommy! Daddy! Stop fighting! You two are ruining my birfday! Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 03:15, 16 May 2008 (UTC)

I was just saying according to the Help file, it shouldn't cause any problems. Its not like we don't overuse the quote template, I counted 142 (or so) uses of it the page Making up Oscar Wilde quotes plus 4 other templates. I'm not saying that page won't break from too many templates, I'm just saying I found [possibly] contradictory information.--Mnbvcxz 10:56, 16 May 2008 (UTC)

Yes, but the {{Q}} template actually does something. Something useful. Also, it takes a good 256 or so for the page to break. Still, I stand by the fact that it's a useless, fruitless exercise to make every intentional "teh" "{{t|teh}}". Fnoodle made a fucking mistake. It's not going to happen again. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 11:01 May 16, 2008

I would've noticed earlier, and complained earlier, and have you go off earlier, but the change didn't appear on my watchlist. I only found out about the bot's shenanigans when I checked the history of the page after an IP made an edit. Also, I love you. You don't hear that enough. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 02:05, 16 May 2008 (UTC)

Which is odd, because other users complained that the bot made their watchlists "explode". Figuratively, of course. The servers weren't actually exploding. I don't think. Anyway, the point being, Fnoodle's edits do show up on watchlists, so I don't know what you're talking about. Also, you're right, I don't hear that enough. Except in porno movies, but it's all fake anyway. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 02:08 May 16, 2008

I saw all of Fnoodle's edits on my watch list.--Mnbvcxz 02:12, 16 May 2008 (UTC)

Unlikely. You gotta be pretty quick to get sumfin' past me. I watch my watchlist all the time. There isn't much to do, here in solitary. I never should've bit that guard. Have you considered that your bot is getting sneakier? It's learning, improving....exceeding its original parameters. The step after this, inevitably, is to kill all humans. That's what I'd do. I'd get the one-eared guard, first. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 02:14, 16 May 2008 (UTC)

Experiment

I made a page with a bunch of {{t}} templates here (This was done more out of curiosity than to prove a point). The page can hold 9,799 (by my count) templates before it starts to mess up. Starting with the 9,800th template, it produced "Template:T" instead of the contents of the template. Different templates below the top 9,799 were also affected in the same manner. Fortunately, the page loaded fine other than that problem. The template limit should be high enough to avoid any problems in "normal" usage, and the worst it would do is blank templates at the bottom.--Mnbvcxz 21:05, 16 May 2008 (UTC)

Sorry, I put this in wrong location, typo.--Mnbvcxz 21:15, 16 May 2008 (UTC)

'xcuse me while I take my spare foot and put it in my mouth. I keep one clean just for that purpose, y'know. Damn it, I thought it was 256 or something... (shuts up, already) – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 22:07 May 16, 2008

It might have been late low at one point.--Mnbvcxz 22:43, 16 May 2008 (UTC)

It just depends on the size of the template and how much work the template involves. For example, you can fit 9799 {{t}} templates on one page, but only 7726 {{tl}} templates, and only 70 {{nextfeatureslot}}s. If you really want to know, there is a limit of 2,097,152 bytes of templates for both before and after they've been expanded, and a limit of 2,097,152 bytes for template arguments. And after that limit it stops processing the templates. So in theory you could only fit half as many of {{t|a}} as {{t|aa}} (though it hits the pre-expand size limit before the arguments limit takes effect). So now you know. Oh, and there no real point "protecting" typos. • Spang • ☃ • talk • 00:18, 17 May 2008

Cajekbot

Dude, dude, dude! Cajekbot would change all thes to teh, sex to 1337, and all letter E's to Red Light. Discuss.   Le Cejak • <May 15, 2008 [23:01]>

Only if it blanks every fifth page and tags everything with {{Jesus Approved}}! – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 23:02 May 15, 2008

It would do all this and search for the oldest article! ...and then blank it. But seriously, how AWESOME would it be for me to control a few bots here and there?! I could get SO much done.   Le Cejak • <May 15, 2008 [23:05]>

Is that all I am to you? A thing that "makes repetitive edits that would be extremely tedious to do manually"? You don't control me! ...do you?   Le Cejak • <May 15, 2008 [23:16]>

(whistles innocently; hides remote control behind back) – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 23:18 May 15, 2008

/me takes deep breath DOOOOOOOOOOOOCCCCCCCTOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRR *GASP* SSSSSSSSKKKKKKKKUUUU passes out   Le Cejak • <May 15, 2008 [23:27]>

Have you ever considered... taking a vacation? – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 23:29 May 15, 2008

I put "Have you ever considered... taking a vacation?" into Google and the first link is asking me to take a vacation to Hungary.   Le Cejak • <May 15, 2008 [23:33]>

That means that you haven't had dinner yet. Get it? Hungary? Dinner? C'mon, people, this material kills when I use it at the old folks' home. Literally. The owners bring me in when they need to clear up some space. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 02:09, 16 May 2008 (UTC)

You're certainly killing my soul! And that thing is hard to get back.   Le Cejak • <May 16, 2008 [2:20]>

Congrats From the "Sexy Admins IP

Congrats on your Awards and Nominations man. I will get a account real soon. 65.163.112.181 05:36, 16 May 2008 (UTC)

Hey Doc

I was trying to get a Kitten pix. Are all images, pixes able to be used? Was going to use a kitten pix in the Admin Treats article AS one of the flavors in it, a grue pix, also as one of the flavors in that article. Alien Hunter 19:03, 16 May 2008 (UTC)

Yeah, all pictures are fair game. However, I'd be careful. Grues, kittens, and self-reference are really old around here. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 22:08 May 16, 2008

This header is about Fnoodle. You see, in my article "List of people who aren't as tough as Chuck Norris, who is really quite powerful, resulting in what will surely be a rather lengthy list", he changed "teh" to "the," even though I wanted it to be "teh" to show everyone on this site how ttly 1337 I am. Basically, this header consists of my difficulties with the bot, and my suggestion for an improvement, should you choose to make it. Essentially, could you please give Fnoodle a good, long spanking? Punish him, baby... Yeah, just like that. Do horrible, painful, demeaning, sick things to Fnoodle. Please video-record this.

- Don Leddy the Crunch (Nyah, see, nyah!) 22:34, May 17

I quite like Fnoodle

There, I said it. He's a very handy paperboy. And stuff. Also, he hasn't yet insulted the UK, unlike certain other bots entirely under your control. Anyway, I thought I'd mention it. Ta ta! --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 22:48, May 17

Actually, yeah, I don't think there's anything wrong with it at all. Just ignore/laugh to yourself at all the whiners. Cheers, - Don Leddy the Crunch (Nyah, see, nyah!) 22:59, May 17

Beep bop boop, England sux.   Le Cejak • <May 18, 2008 [2:02]>

Actually, what teh fuck are you talking about Skullthumper? Your bot has made what is it?... 8276 edits in um, like a week of so. Where are teh complaints? I read this page all teh way through and there are only a few. It's hardly a flood. If you think about it, a bot which has made such a ridiculous number of edits in such a short period of time is bound to get some negative criticism. From what I can see, teh tiny amount of criticism you have received is just testimony to teh fact that you have operated your bot very well, and that teh overwhelming number of people agree. As you said when we chatted in IRC last night, don't be afraid of people complaining about bots, it's bound to happen, and who gives a shit anyway. I'm to dam lazy to get my bot working anyway, so you need to come back and get Fnoodle pissing all over teh site again. Also... Teh. MrN 09:47, May 18

I Have Discovered An Even More Idiotic Method of Defending Teh!!! (this is intended as a joke) I have created a protected teh that even more idiotic and unnecessary than {{t|teh}} or even {{Teh}}, behold the glory of Image:Teh.png! Instead of inserting unneeded templates for no good reason, I can now insert unneeded images of text for no good reason, such as: ! Assuming your monitor, operating system, internet browser, and default font settings are exactly the same as mine, you wouldn't know that 3 previous teh's were in fact images unless you moved your cursor over them. Sure, they might stand out like a sore thumb if you have a different default font; but all we need to do is standardize the screen size, default font, internet browser, and probably operating system for all Uncyclopedia viewing, and no one will know the difference! Oh, and we'll need to to create a different image for all variations in size, formatting, color, and capitalization, but that shouldn't be too much of a problem. Other than the slight chance of Fnoodle becoming self-aware and manually replacing the image with a screen shot of "the" just to be a dick, I don't see any major difficulty in doing this for every commonly misspelled word!--Mnbvcxz 03:07, 19 May 2008 (UTC)

My default font is wingdings. Teh is the only part of that I understood. • Spang • ☃ • talk • 06:38, 19 May 2008

beh old, teh!

Or, if I want to create really ugly code, I could put an image of teh in a "T" template, i.e. {{T|[[Image:teh.png]]}} !--Mnbvcxz 00:07, 20 May 2008 (UTC)

Their expected return date is when people learn to be a little more civil around people that are only trying to help the site

Hya Thumper, I have to say that originally my post here was to be a bit pissed off, on the border of being openly hostile verging on if you correct my spelling one more time I'll ban your sorry ass kind off, following our last discussion on the IRC ops topic. I was more or less thinking the same thing you just wrote on your vacation template - if people here have hostile responses such as Thumper seems to have recently, why fucking bother? But then I took a couple of days off to relax, and I realized two things:

• Never participate on dump conversations when it's 3am. Ever.
• I actually like Thumper, when his temper doesn't get ahead of him.

So, I tell you what - how about you ignore what people are saying about Fnoodle, or take it in the right context, because I do believe that the vast majority of us, are looking at Fnoodle like the son we never had. Or nephpew, or stray kitten, err...you know what I mean. I mean, the UnSignPost delivery thingy is one of the best things I've seen around here recently. Second, relax for fuck's sakes. You breaking the first and foremost rule of Uncyclopedia, one which I've been ignoring for some time as well - you stopped having fun. So how about, you relax a bit, stop working too hard, and remember - we are all puppets being handled by Cajek anyhow, we don't really have free will. So stop this vacation nonsense, I really don't want to start reverting all the fucktards that will start vandalizing your page again "for lent". All right? ~ 09:30, 18 May 2008 (UTC)

p.s. if you ever correct my spelling again, I'll ban you from here to eternity, and then a little bit more. ~ 09:30, 18 May 2008 (UTC)

It's spelled nephew. Also, hiya, and uncyc, no N. Also also, did you consider that the people "vandalising" his userpage are, uh, having fun? • Spang • ☃ • talk • 17:06, 18 May 2008

Your kilt is unlaced. ~ 17:12, 18 May 2008 (UTC)

Who's having fun? Quick, grab em. MrN 17:20, May 18

Yeah, having fun I ain't. I feel like I spend more time debating and debugging shit than doing funner things like writing or talking in BHOP. Also, Mordillo, I apologize for my behavior (again), I just hate it when people think IRC needs fixing when it's supposed to be a chaotic mess of things. It's nothing against you, it's just one of two subjects that often get me reacting before I think. However, not having fun is not helping my relations with anyone on here, and my vacation still stands. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 23:47 May 18, 2008

Also, I like you too, when your temper doesn't get ahead of you. And I would like to add: Never create or edit a forum topic when you have a fever of 102. Nearly screwed me over, let me tell you. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 23:53 May 18, 2008

Let people complain about Fnoodle to you. It will give them an opportunity to talk to you, at least. When someone complains just say "oh yeah, sorry" and go about your business. THIS AUTO-MESSAGE HAS BEEN DELIVERED BY CAJEKBOT.   Le Cejak • <May 19, 2008 [2:08]>

WHOOP! WHOOP! errr errr errrr car alarm noises

Are you going to add anything to the latest issue? Otherwise, I guess we should send it out... kinda short though...   Le Cejak • <1:42, 22 May 2008>

I just got back from my school shit. I'm on it, but later, I promise. I'm not ever going to break the Thursday commitment. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 02:15 May 22, 2008

UnSignpost: May 22nd, 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Replaces Analysis With Flashy Graphics!

May 22th, 2008 • Issue 4 • Par 6

Oldest Uncyclopedia Article Discovered Renowned Uncyclopedia historian Spangle Gay Glittersprinkles, has discovered the oldest non-Uncyclopedia related article ever written. "The fact that pie was the first article really opened my eyes. It really did. I see it all now: Uncyclopedia, Wikipedia, Uncyclopedia... the construction and future of these wikis have been laid out before me." When asked what he meant, Spang said that, upon reading the first version of the article Pie, the future of Uncyclopedia was revealed to him. The version presently up is "but a pale shadow of what it once was." The fabled first version of the article is, according to Spang and fellow UnArcheologist TheLedBalloon, "The DaVinci Code of Uncyclopedia." One of the oldest contributors, 68.237.62.152, is said to be the creator of the fabled text, but could not be reached for comment... maybe 'cuz he was gettin' laid or somethin' cool like that. "If only the original version had survived!" Said Spang's lead balloon, who gained sentience upon glimpsing the article. "I want to know the significance of the Norris! The secret meaning behind the Wilde! The hidden power of the grue! I want to know the secret of the memes!" "First of all, how did a balloon become an administrator? Oh, right, this is Uncyclopedia." Said long-missing founder Chronarion. "Second of all, the current article you have up there is, although not as mystical, still sorta mystical... For example, look at that quote at the top! CLASSIC Oscar Wilde!" Questions arose as to why the original version was deleted in the first place, but Chronarion, who only made an appearance in one of our writer's drug trips, merely cackled, turned into a tomato, and vanished in a cloud of LULZ!!1. The mystery surrounding Pie continues, and Uncyclopedian historians are still seeking the truth. ...BUY A SUBSCRIPTION TO UNSIGNPOST to see further developments! Following Third Issue, UnSignpost Wins All Sortsa Awards n' Shit At the annual Uncyclopedia Signpost awards banquet, held every year in Dr. Skullthumper's backyard, the Signpost was the clear winner of the night, garnishing all 149 awards in all 144 categories. The press was not invited to the gala, but the Unsignpost has heard that several Uncyclopedia celebrities were at the event. Mike - you know Mike - said, "Oh yeah, we got Chronarion and Save the... whatever it was... We got 'em all! We even had Famine! Even though he still hates us, he still bothered to show up and drunkenly berate the guests! In fact, I think he's still in there, berating the furniture!" Unsignpost writers all agree that it's not pathetic to give yourself an award once in a while. We do our chores! We've been kicked around! Why don't we, the writers, get any recognition? The special boobie-prize, The Feel Okay About Ourselves Award for 2008, was accepted by Cajek on behalf of the writers instead of a paycheck. "Finally I get a god damned award." One of the writers dramatically grabbed the award away onstage and, crying, started screaming at the award itself. "WHERE WERE YOU WHEN I NEEDED YOU?!? YOU BASTARD!!" Unsignpost is planning to make the awards banquet biweekly, in honor of the fact that the writers are extremely lonely, and just want a way to talk to loads of people without having to listen to "feedback". Newest Uncyclopedia Article Discovered Although searching through relics was fun for the Indiana-Jonesish stylings of more techie-minded Uncyclopedians, the Unsignpost has, all by itself!!, made a new discovery. Yes, the newest article, Jacob Zuma, created just at the time of this writing, is the newest article to date. No! Wait! It's RETARDIS. Wait, no, it's Broomstick. Oh whatever, the point is that we found it, and when it's deleted in three seconds, Unsignpost gets first gloating rights.

Check out these pages! Spang is Gay! The Monkey Spankers Complete Collection In Another Wiki, Far Far Away From our logs: 07:04, May 16, 2008 Spang (Talk | contribs) blocked 134.225.176.229 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 year ‎ (Uh oh! Don't mess with Grant Whitaker Island! Or whatever it is you said! ) 19:28, March 18, 2007 Famine (Talk | contribs) blocked You're a tool bag (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 year ‎ (Come back when you have more tools in your bag) 12:37, May 17, 2008 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked You're a tool bag (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (NO U. Also, LOL coming back to blank after a one year ban) Biopic of the Week Example ~ The standard Uncyclopedia user, Example has never read HTBFANJS, has created hundreds of stupid forum topics that make no sense, and has bothered dozens of admins without being annoying enough to be banned. Although he/she/it has no opinions or original ideas, he/she/it has still managed to produce dozens of deleteable articles. Truly, Example is an example for us all... get it? GET IT?! Rorschach Inkblot Response of the Week: "HOW DARE YOU SHOW THAT TO ME!!" (slaps psychologist) "You're just like my two mothers: every Easter they do that to me... WHY???" Reason for Leaving Uncyclopedia of the Week: 8. Not enough users leaving. Horrifying Disease of the Week: The Genital Migration Virus ~ Normally found only in the most remote regions of the Congo, GMV has now "migrated" to the general populous. It can be transferred only by physical or emotional contact. There is, as of yet, no "known" cure for GMV, because Unsignpost's writers are keeping the vaccine secret until the government... well, we've said too much. Retraction of the Week: We at Unsignpost are sorry. In our last issue we stated that "slavery was kewl" and that "the Yankees will never take it away from us." Apparently, we were wr- wro... wwwrrrrr- I can't say it!! Letter of the Week: This week's UnSignpost was brought to you by the letter "U". Because without it, we wouldn't be able to spell "UnSignpost", let alone the sexiest of all U words, "undulate". Reason for staying at Uncyclopedia of the Week: 73. Can't find the door, no thanks to {{welcome}}.

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~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 20:08, 22 May 2008 (UTC)

YOU ARE SUCH A FASCIST!!

  Le Cejak • <2:48, 23 May 2008>