User talk:Zombiebaron/archive22

UnSignpost: August 14th, 2008

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Because Uncyclopedia is no laughing matter.

August 14^th, 2008 • Fifteenth Issue • May contain traces of humor

Uncyclopedia kidnapped! By Gerrycheevers In a shocking development, a brazen individual absconded with Uncyclopedia just over a week ago. Users were shocked when their attempts to access the site between 18:33 and 20:07 UTC on August 4th resulted in a sinister message being displayed, promising the swift return of the wiki should the kidnapper's demands be met. Panic ensued, with several Uncyclopedians wandering off to places unknown, never to return. Once the site was restored and the intertubes reconnected, the identity of the culprit was obvious: Orian57 had made the last edit before the ninety-minute gap, with the ominous and puzzling edit summary of "I AM STEALING UNCYCLOPEDIA!!!" The site itself seemed to be mostly fine after its harrowing ordeal, with the exception of VFP, which turned all of Zombiebaron's against votes into ten for votes during the first few hours back. This reporter caught up to Orian57, and had the opportunity to talk with him at some length about the reasons for the abduction. After consulting with his lawyer, Orian agreed to comment on the situation. On why he stole the wiki, he said, "my motivation for this cyber-terrorism wasn't something trite like 'because I could' or 'it wasn't me'. No. It was because nobody was paying me any attention!" It seems that Orian, in a desperate bid for attention, locked the Uncyclopedia server in a basement, and attempted to edit it so that all content referred to him. Perhaps his subconcious got the better of him, or perhaps the spirit of Sophia came to Uncyclopedia's rescue. In any case, Orian claims he heard a female voice speaking to him, which convinced him to return the server and allow "uncyclopedians around the world to stop masturbating and return to peeling potatoes or whatever they do." Some sort of competition finishes By UU So as you may have noticed, recently a contest of titanic proportions has been gripping the world like no other event. Palms have been sweaty, nails have been chewed, bribes, threats, and allegations of stimulant abuse have been rife. But now, the latest incarnation of the Poo Lit Surprise has drawn to a close, and so our attention can drift to that bunch of steroid-enhanced nutters at the Olympics. Finally, the questions on everyone's lips have been answered. Providing they were related to the Poo Lit Surprise, and who was going to win. Other questions, unfortunately, remain unanswered. However, if you do want to know who won, and haven't found out already, you can find out here. We could just tell you here, but where's the fun in that? We should, however, point out that if you haven't seen all of the articles yet, there are some real crackers amongst them, and not just the winners either - which probably reflects well on the Uncyclopedia Community as a whole, although it may just hint that everyone saved their best articles for this one small period of time and now has nothing else to offer for another 6 months. We'll see, but in the meantime, have a look at all the entries - there should be chuckles on offer whatever your sense of humo(u)r!

Check out these pages! WHAT'S with THE caps SITUATION? Out with the old... ...and in with the legends? From our logs: 13:06, 8 August 2008, Manticore (Talk | contribs) blocked 60.54.79.28 (Talk) (expires 13:06, 9 August 2008, anon. only, account creation blocked) (Blanker: You disappoint Vishnu.) 19:45, 11 August 2008 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked Dxbn (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (You're a boob. Not the good kind, either. If you were, you'd have a nipple right 'there'. Just the thought of you being the good kind of boob makes me a little hard.) 19:51, 11 August 2008, Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked 82.40.99.2 (Talk) (expires 19:51, 11 November 2008, anon. only, account creation blocked) (blanking is the lowest form of wit. Even lower than Steve Martin.) Biopic of the Week RadicalX ~ Since the dawn of Uncyclopedia, users have had the need for images. And RadX, himself created with Adobe Photoshop, has obliged. Even a quick look at his image gallery should cause you to drop to your knees and weep. He also is an extremely talented writer, and spends his time spreading the light of The Church of T with his prophet, Bradaphraser. Old-school featured article of the week Ever been knocked in the nards so badly that you saw stars, but never figured out who the culprit was? Well, it was probably midget cockpunching terrorists. These cheeky buggers have been assaulting the most sensitive area of such well-known figures as Frank Sinatra and Ronald Reagan for decades. This Week's Horoscopes GUARANTEED TO BE ACCURATE Aquarius (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18) - This week you should be self-centered in all your endeavors, except for grenade-tossing practice. see more horoscopes Shamless space-filler of the week Whose cruel idea was it for the word 'lisp' to have an 's' in it?

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Fired out of a newspaper cannon by: SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 17:57, 16 August 2008 (UTC)

Thank thee for thy kind act of Faith

Prettiestpretty thanks thee for finding her image of Image:Thelastbachelorparty.jpg to be just right for Featured Photo Status Fondly, PP

Dame GUN PotY WotM 2xPotM 17xVFH VFP Poo PMS •YAP• 17:43, 15 August 2008 (UTC)

UnMeta

Hi Zombiebaron, We (D. G. Neree, Assyrius, Kohl and I) have captured UnMeta Uncyclomedia, and try to make it Intercyclopedia (Maybe you've heard about that project). Now we tried to register an irc channel: #unmeta , but it seems you've registered it. So could you maybe drop it for us, if you don't use it? Thanks for reading this. Greets, VSOTVEP_-TALK-I'm^Dutch 19:11, 14 August 2008 (UTC)

I'm not really sure what the four of you think you're doing. I tried to find out, but then I realized that it looks far to complicated. Which means I'm probably not interested. However. I don't think UnMeta is the place to do it. You should probably just make a separate wiki. As I just stated on UnMeta, I would appreciate it if all the people who used to be admins were reinstated in the position. The fact that the English Uncyclopedia seems to be completely unrepresented (other than Carlb, of course, who is a rather inactive member of the English Uncyclopedia community) seems to be rather odd, seeing as how the English Uncyclopedia is the largest Uncyclopedia. Also, there is the fact that one of the two beaurocrats is an infinitely banned user on the English Uncyclopedia. Basically, what I'm saying, is no. #unmeta is used for discussions pertaining to UnMeta, not Intercyclopedia. If you need a channel for Intercyclopedia, I suggest you register #intercyclopedia. -- The Zombiebaron 20:39, 14 August 2008 (UTC)

UnMeta was dead at the time we visited it. There were lots of spammers, wich we stopped. It is a good place to start Intercyclopedia because it isn't used and every **cyclopedia knows unmeta. If the original admins still were admin there, it would have been a spammed pedia. But you're right, i'll register #intercyclopedia, or something like that. VSOTVEP_-TALK-I'm^Dutch 23:45, 14 August 2008 (UTC)

Um Yeah

You huffed an article by me. Me! I should have created it in my userspace I suppose, but I was hoping for collaboration. That obviously didn't arrive. Now Europe is lost to Napoleon. But still. Not cool.--Sir Shandon (Talk) (Trophy Room) 03:09, 14 August 2008 (UTC)

If you link me, I can recreate it. But its not like I check the history of every page that I delete just to make sure that it wasn't written by an idiot. So there! -- The Zombiebaron 03:34, 14 August 2008 (UTC)

Penis Baron

That is all.     EugeneKay wuz here (whine thank)   08:34, Wednesday 13 August 2008  

hahahaha......oh dear.... -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

I agree with Mhaille. -- The Zombiebaron 14:35, 13 August 2008 (UTC)

UnSignpost: August 7th, 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Openly Admits Its Liberal And Conservative Biases!

August 7^th, 2008 • Fourteenth Issue • Just like Grandma used to make!

Uncyclopedia Forum set to consume the Internet By An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays Top scientists at the Uncycloversity this week predicted that a Village Dump topic, started in June by prominent Uncylopedian and alchemist Spang, will one day consume the entire internet. According to the university's top expert, Dr. Skullthumper, Ph.D.: "This is one of those things that could go on forever. I mean, at least counting to a million has a definite ending. With this, there is no end, since everyone wants to be the last person to edit." Wikia staff member and Uncyclopedian Sannse predicts that the forum topic will take up all of Wikia's hardware by late 2009 and will then begin to "consume all around it, like I did that time I tried marijuana." She went on to add, "nothing will be safe – not even Wikipedia," before blessing herself and staring reverently at a statue of Jimmy Wales. Others, however, are more optimistic. According to Modusoperandi, "eventually someone will invent some sort of robot or hobgoblin to automatically edit the topic, and then it will have to be locked. Either that, or someone will figure out that there is no prize, rendering the whole thing pointless. And then I shall be the winner!" Spang was unavailable for comment because, according to his spokesperson, "he is busy in his cave dreaming up more crazy schemes to destroy the internet." Admins everywhere! By Gerrycheevers If you're a wiki-troll, cyberbullying vandal or extremely crappy article, you'd better start watching your behind. Three new deputies were voted in by the Uncyclopedia Sheriff's Department: Dr. Skullthumper, RAHB, and Roman Dog Bird. The trio were bestowed this great honor last Friday by Codeine. This brings the total amount of active authority figures who could wallop you over the head with a banhammer to 29. The reason for the unusally high number of new sysops is that a clear consensus could not be reached, and also that all three of these individuals are "awesome". The new admins were extremely pleased and greatly honored by their new title. None of them wasted any time in executing their first sysop move (RAHB and Dr. Skullthumper banned Cajek; Roman Dog Bird deleted one hundred articles, then banned Cajek). The prescence of these new neighborhood patrollers was evident immediately, with QVFD being renamed "Skull and RAHB's House of Huffing", and placing {{VFD}} in an article now automatically classifying it as "Roman Dog Bird's bitch". The reactions from the new sysops were similar, with all three pledging to delete bad articles, ban unworthy knuckleheads, continue plans for world domination, and "try not to muck up the site too much". RAHB has set himself lofty goals, including "keeping it cool" and some wiki-related nonsense that this reporter didn't understand. Roman Dog Bird wished the readers of the Signpost to know that he said "something", and went on to add that he will continue to "clean crap up...only now with more power." Dr. Skullthumper is thankful that no one has caught on to the trio of new ops and expresses his optimism as far as not being immediately de-opped, but also listed several early accomplishments as well as future goals. With these three brave new souls now patrolling the corridors of this silly wiki, it is truly a dark time for terrible articles, merciless vandals, and Cajek.

Check out these pages! Against againsts? Census time Is it, in fact, Hammer Time? Skullthumper revealed! From our logs: 01:57, 1 August 2008 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Okay, that's enough Uncyclopedia. Bye.) 02:05, 1 August 2008 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) unblocked Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) ‎ (ARGH NOOOO I CAN'T ESCAPE) 20:14, 3 August 2008 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Orian57 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 15 minutes ‎ (Admins do not abuse their powers. On the contrary, Oceania has always been at war with Eastasia) 14:21, 6 August 2008 RAHB (Talk | contribs) huffed "EQ" ‎ (Thanks for the Psychology course refresher. Don't worry, I paid attention in that class, I don't really need it.) 15:54, 7 August 2008, Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 142.106.53.68 (Talk) (expires 15:54, 8 August 2008, anon. only, account creation blocked) (I don't know what the Somali is for "Don't do that". But don't do that.) Biopic of the Week SysRq ~ Not just a button on your keyboard anymore (well, half a button, really), SysRq has become quite the Uncyclopedian in his time here. Spending his time writing awesome stuff, utilizing his platinum urinal, and coming up with stuff on the fly, he has earned a spot among the elite that Uncyc has to offer. (And this seems to be a bit of a recurring theme, but again, don't scroll all the way down to the bottom of his userpage.) Old-school featured article of the week Check out Battle of Gettysburg, a harrowing documentary of one of the bloodiest battles in the American Civil War, and one man's fight to get through it. This Week's Horoscopes GUARANTEED TO BE ACCURATE Gemini (May 21 - June 21) - Help! I am being held hostage in the horoscope editing room! see more horoscopes

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Painstakingly hand-delivered by: SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 16:30, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

What would ya think?

About me giving Category:Rewrite a bit of a spring clean? I think there are way too many articles with a re-write tag on them, many of which are "not really that important" articles. I'm thinking of adding some pages from Special:Mostpopulararticles and maybe Special:Mostlinked. I think there should not really be more than say 30 or 40 articles in the category at a given time... Those articles which are in the category should be popular articles which are viewed a lot, and so are worth the effort of re-writing... Any thoughts? Good idea? MrN 23:50, Aug 6

Well, my only quibble with the idea would be that the articles that are currently rewrite tagged would drop off the radar completely. Therefore, I recommend that as you remove a {{rewrite}} you consider the articles overall qualities, and consider replacing the {{rewrite}} with a {{ugly}}, {{fix}}, {{idea}}, {{vfd}}, or {{vanity2}}. So, as long as your making certain that bad articles are still dealt with in some way, I've got no problem with you doing whatever it is you'd like to do. -- The Zombiebaron 15:34, 7 August 2008 (UTC)

YTTE already served his time, I thought

04:13, 1 August 2008 RAHB (Talk | contribs | block) blocked YesTimeToEdit (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 10 minutes ‎ (your IP's unbanned, but you still get a time out) (unblock)
16:00, 30 July 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs | block) blocked YesTimeToEdit (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 11 minutes ‎ (Sig stealing bastard...) (unblock)

He's not a bad guy, he just made a joke forum? – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 19:07 Aug 05, 2008

YesTimeToEdit, like a diligent user (so, bonus points, I guess) has emailed me on the subject. If he is indeed to be given a reprieve from this ban (which has - shall we say - "mysteriously been shortened") entirely, I'm sure him and I will come to that decision. -- The Zombiebaron 00:21, 6 August 2008 (UTC)

That's not all that's been "mysteriously shortened". – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 00:25 Aug 06, 2008

I wasn't aware that it was good manners to comment on another man's haircut, but since you brought it up, nice haircut. -- The Zombiebaron 00:43, 6 August 2008 (UTC)

Thanks! I cut it myself with some safety scissors. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 01:00 Aug 06, 2008

I can tell. -- The Zombiebaron 01:12, 6 August 2008 (UTC)

Thanks. :-D - [14:26 6 August] Sir FSt Don Yettie

UnSignpost: July 31st, 2008

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All your readers are belong to us

July 31^st, 2008 • Lucky Thirteenth Issue • Now with 20% more ninjas!

The biggest little whorehouse on the internet By Gerrycheevers Oftentimes, Uncyclopedians choose to create something on their userpages, safe from the prying eyes and hungry 'delete' buttons of admins. These entities can range from the ridiculously complex to the awesomely cartoonish. The newest user creation on this silly wiki is that of a charming gentle-bot by the name of MrN9000. At 'The Whorehouse', writers can bathe in the attention they so desperately seek. A sort of hands-on Pee Review, the Whorehouse encourages other users to edit, trim, improve, rub up against, and generally increase the quality of the articles of others. Authors suffering from mental blocks (or physical blocks) can turn to this dimly lit establishment for inspiration. While considered a 'smashing' idea by some, the brothel has drawn its share of criticism. It may have even caused a site-wide questioning of the rules of VFH, guidelines of Pee Review, and the vailidity of the Committee That Selects Zombiebaron's Daily Banstick. The main concern seems to be articles getting 'mucked up' by having too many contributors. Opponents to this opinion have pointed out that this is a wiki, and, in theory, an infinite number of contributors contributing to an infinite number of articles for an infinite amount of time were eventually destined to create the Whorehouse, anyway. Some users, such as Ljlego, have taken advantage of the open space to hold some sort of charity-scamming orgy. Whatever the destiny of the Whorehouse, it is sure to catch every Uncyclopedian's attention for at the least five minutes immediately following the reading of this article. Virus exposes user vulnerability to death By Regret Tenenbaum Yes, it's true. Death is inevitable for all users who have logged in recently. Apparently, a rouge admin created a computer virus so potent you actually contract testicular cancer. Real cancer. Like, In real life. Seriously. And how does one contract the virus? Users are warned that that the simple act of logging in to Uncyclopedia will cause one to contract the fatal disease. "Yes, I know cancer isn't a disease nor a virus" said one doctor "but still, it sucks. I mean - it's cancer - IN YOUR BALLS. Come on." So how exactly does on know when they have cancer? Symptoms may include one or more of the following: a lump in one testis or a hardening of one of the testicles The testicle should normally feel smooth to the touch. Ridges may be felt because of enlarged blood vessels or tumor growth. Additionally the entire testicle may feel hard and bumpy to the touch. Abnormal sensitivity (either numbness or pain) loss of sexual activity sexual withdrawal build-up of fluid in the scrotum a dull ache in the lower abdomen or groin an increase, or significant decrease, in the size of one testis blood in semen General weak and tired feeling The testicle with a tumor may be severely enlarged, as much as 3 times the original size. Simultaneously the other testicle may be shrunken in size, due to the tumor taking up the majority of the blood supply to the scrotum. Other nasty stuff. Make sure to constantly check your testicles by feeling them for irregularities with your fingers. ... That's right. ... Just feel 'em up ... nice ... Ahem! Uh... Simple vigilance is a big help. The best time to check is after a hot shower, when the scrotum is looser. And what of the female users? No, not even the three of them are safe. It has been proven that even female users can contract testicular cancer. How, you ask? Well, by a miracle of God, the female will grow testicles, that will then become "cancerfied" (or "cancer-ific", if you prefer.) The only users who are safe from this horrible plague are IP addresses, as they lack testes and the ability to grow any. Remember kids, no matter how much Dr. Health, Esq. tells you cancer is great, don't believe him. Oh? ... What's that? ... I said something about dying? ... Oh. ... Well, if one of your testicles was three times bigger than the other and your semen was filled with blood, would you not kill yourself? That's right...

Check out these pages! Ever get interrupted on the loo? Is PEEING taking the piss? Drama! From our logs: 21:17, 23 July 2008 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 62.88.33.191 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Try to suck less. You're sucking too much. I didn't say "stop"! Take your time. Yeah, that's the stuff. Now gently squeeze my balls.) 17:24, 24 July 2008 Sannse (Talk | contribs) (blocked SIR TOM CRUISE! with an expiry time of 3 months (no dear, Baha'i is the Truth, or Judaism, I can never remember) 02:34, 28 July 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 4096.256.16.1 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Dammit, stop being a sockpuppet!) 14:41, 28 July 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) unblocked 4096.256.16.1 (Talk | contribs) ‎ (Oh, I bet you think you're all crafty n' shit, don'tcha? DON'TCHA! Well guess what: I can see through your ruse now, you sockpuppet-impersonating iIdunnowhat!) 21:04, 29 July 2008 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 86.196.62.163 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Wanker: Take a day off. Take some deep breaths. It's only France) Biopic of the Week The Woodburninator ~ What should thou doest upon sighting The Woodburninator? Run away, apparently. Unless you're looking to read some high quality articles. Last month's NotM has made quite an impression on Uncyclopedia in his short time here, despite claims that he is about as useful as the 5-star rating system. Don't be fooled! WB is on track to contribute far more than the ratings system (especially since the average UnSignpost rating is about 1.2), and then some. Just don't scroll all the way down to the bottom of his userpage... Old-school featured article of the week Check out Moon hoax. Ever been told by one of your know-it all friends that we never landed on the moon, and it was all staged on a set in the desert? Well, after reading this article, you should be prepared to thoroughly debunk your narrow-minded chum. Just be sure that you wager heavily on 'we went to the moon' before you start explaining. This Week's Horoscopes NOW UPDATED FOR WEEK OF 7/28/08 Taurus (April 20 - May 20) - You will learn the true meaning of Christmas after much embarrassment and the intervention of a friend with a dictionary. see more horoscopes Foreign Uncyc Page of the Week: Russian Hyper Text Coffee Pot Control Protocol and the Crappy Translation. Quotes of the Week <DrSkullthumper> Goatse is work safe if you're a proctologist <AAA^> "Muslim Porn: Women revealing their hair"

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THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 08:02, 5 August 2008 (UTC)

The Prophecy of the Chicken Sandwich

Is was not a poor abandonned WIP. I had finished what the page and everything I wante don it and didnt not know how to move it out of WIP mode. I have asked for help with it and nobody replied.--Kole92 02:32, 2 August 2008 (UTC)

Perhaps you could link me. -- The Zombiebaron 12:01, 5 August 2008 (UTC)

Link you?...osrry I have no-idea what that means. I suck at terms.--Kole92 11:32, 8 August 2008 (UTC)

Well, on a wiki, one creates links like this: [[User:Zombiebaron]], which will produce: User:Zombiebaron. You can link to any page like that, not just my userpage. -- The Zombiebaron 13:42, 8 August 2008 (UTC)

Command & Conquer TV

Hi. I've been busy and away for quite a while and when I came back to realised my C&CTV article has been huffed. Mind helping to post in a userpage so I can reimprove on it?--ASHPD 04:45, 1 August 2008 (UTC)

Yes. -- The Zombiebaron 16:24, 2 August 2008 (UTC)

Poo Lit Problem

On the main PLS page, there is a picture of a bag (presumably of feces) on fire. This presents a fire hazard. Can you take care of it before we all burn up and die a miserably hot death? – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 00:09 Jul 29, 2008

I would, but it appears that only sysops are allowed to edit that page. Perhaps you should go bother a medical professional about the problem. -- The Zombiebaron 00:13, 29 July 2008 (UTC)

Here you go! AwesomeGuy 00:22, 29 July 2008 (UTC)

Butbut now it's the Poo Extinguished Surprise and that just isn't as punny. LordWolf 03:16, 29 July 2008 (UTC)

Poo Lit Not locked

My Poo Lit Noob entry User:ShuaDaddy/Sweatshop (humanitarian institution) didn't get locked for some reason. I won't make changes, but it seems unfair to the other contestants that everyone is locked but me. ShuaDaddy 10:46 a.m.

Thank you very much. I guess I must have missed your article. -- The Zombiebaron 00:06, 29 July 2008 (UTC)

Poo lit entry move and still unlocked

Could you possibly move my entry from Noobie to the Mainpage space? I didn't make it clear in my comments that that was what I'd like to happen if I wasn't eligable for Noobie. Sorry. LordWolf 23:59, 28 July 2008 (UTC) User:LordWofl

I have done so. -- The Zombiebaron 00:03, 29 July 2008 (UTC)

Thank You. LordWolf 00:12, 29 July 2008 (UTC)

Sorry to bother you but I notice my entry page User:LordWolf/What is a moot point is still unlocked, shouldn't it be locked for editing now? LordWolf 03:12, 29 July 2008 (UTC)

Poo Lit (Sequel)

Don't we still have 30 minutes to add to our article? I was just adding a final section when you locked my entry. :P - Admiral Enzo Aquarius-Dial the Gate 23:31, 28 July 2008 (UTC)

No. In fact, the time was up 31 minutes before your comment. -- The Zombiebaron 23:33, 28 July 2008 (UTC)

Seems I'm wrong again. Link me to your article and I'll unprotect it so that you can add the section... -- The Zombiebaron 23:36, 28 July 2008 (UTC)

Heh, I hate time zones. :P User:Enzo Aquarius/Wikipedia Transit Authority. - Admiral Enzo Aquarius-Dial the Gate 23:38, 28 July 2008 (UTC)

Oh no. I was right. e|m|c obviously meant BST, as that is the time currently being observed in Greenwich. Sorry Enzo, looks like there will be no late final sections. -- The Zombiebaron 23:41, 28 July 2008 (UTC)

Speaking as the person who's supposedly running the thing, even though I have no say, power, or money whatsoever as a result of this, uh, I think Uncyclopedia runs on the GMT time zone, if you lookit the feature queue. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 23:44 Jul 28, 2008

...which gives people 13 more minutes. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 23:47, 28 July 2008 (UTC)

...which is all some people need to finish an article that they understood would be locked at midnight GMT. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 23:49 Jul 28, 2008

...well I'm ever so sorry for just spending 20 minutes locking pages which I locked and unlocked last night already. Perhaps if I was paid to be their little robot, I'd care a bit more. -- The Zombiebaron 23:52, 28 July 2008 (UTC)

...and the mistake was your fault in the first place, as I recall correctly... – Preceding unsigned comment added by Dr. Skullthumper (talk • contribs)

Sure. Any and all legitimate grievancies that I have caused will be dealt with. By me. I'm aware that I miscalculated the time. -- The Zombiebaron 00:01, 29 July 2008 (UTC)

For the record, uncyclopedia runs on UTC time, which doesn't have summer time. You can tell by the way it says UTC over there (if this was someone else's sig) --> • Spang • ☃ • talk • 00:19, 29 Jul 2008

You guys really need to get the time zone issue worked out then. I just came home from work with an idea and couldn't get it done as I thought we were working under GMT ("all times are to be measured by GMT, and all phases of the contest end at midnight on the specified day; entries may be accepted late under certain conditions"). Definitely needs to get worked out. :S - Admiral Enzo Aquarius-Dial the Gate 23:46, 28 July 2008 (UTC)

You've got about 29 minutes. -- The Zombiebaron 23:52, 28 July 2008 (UTC)

That's all I needed, heh. It's all said and done, sorry to have caused any issue, just don't want any problems occuring in the future due to time zone confusion. Did I mention I absolute HATE time zones? - Admiral Enzo Aquarius-Dial the Gate 23:53, 28 July 2008 (UTC)

You do realize that "Hey ZB, do you mind blanking my PLS entry?" would have been much easier, and wouldn't have involved me feeling like I'd somehow mowed down your creative train of thought, right? -- The Zombiebaron 23:56, 28 July 2008 (UTC)

Shortcut this. Also, we love you, Zb, despite your method of measuring time. You've got a Hammer time clock, don't you? Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 00:01, 29 July 2008 (UTC)

Aww, I'll give you some virtual cookies when the PLS is over, ZB. ^_^ - Admiral Enzo Aquarius-Dial the Gate 00:08, 29 July 2008 (UTC)

Poo Lit

Since "July 13th ― July 28th, entries will be accepted." and "From July 29th ― August 12th, entries will be locked and judged.", shouldn't the contest close at the end of the 28rd? If you close it now, there's a whole day where nothing happens. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 23:32, 27 July 2008 (UTC)

"n.b.: all times are to be measured by GMT, and all phases of the contest end at midnight on the specified day; entries may be accepted late under certain conditions". Thus, since it is currently 12:35AM July 29th 2008 GMT, the contest is right on schedule. -- The Zombiebaron 23:35, 27 July 2008 (UTC)

Um... /me looks at my watch... It's Monday 28th at 00:40 chaps. MrN 23:38, Jul 27

Very good point. Very good point indeed. -- The Zombiebaron 23:39, 27 July 2008 (UTC)

UnSignpost: July 24th, 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

I love it when the news comes together

July 24^th, 2008 • Twelfth Issue • Now On Time?

Count to a million By Gerrycheevers This week Uncyclopedians continued on their quixotic attempt to "count to a million." Started by Uncyclopedia Wiki-master and Chamber of Commerce Secretary Spang in early March of this year, the project seeks to eventually reach the number one million (1,000,000) through the ancient art of counting. Any person who is capable of taking a number, adding one to it, and expressing the result has been invited to join the massive undertaking, which has seen dozens of contributors come and go. As is always the case here at Uncyc, the project has spawned controversy, criticism, and a spin-off starring Tony Shalhoub as Olipro. The forum is an unprecedented pool of knowledge. As each number is reached, it is discussed in-depth by several Uncyclopedians. Insights such as "114 That's my age + 100 lololol" and "616 fucks fucking fucker's shitty crap" are a testament to the intellecually stimulating conversation that occurs each day. Oftentimes, relevant images are posted; the variety of these pictures can be seen by looking here, here, here, and here. However, not everyone is so optimistic about the project. Some have expressed concern that the entire thing has some kind of sinister purpose. When asked for a comment on the harmless-appearing but diabolically-undertoned project, TheLedBalloon said, "although the project appears harmless, there are definitely diabolical undertones." Another anonymous user stated, "that forum is most surely not pants." Spang himself has expressed his desire to leave behind a legacy, but he has also left open the possibility that "the entire thing is just an urban myth, and doesn't really exist." Regardless of its true meaning or intentions, Uncyclopedians continue to trudge on in their epic quest, reaching 0.075% of their goal this Monday. Editors come and go, the pace quickens and slackens, but someone is always there to figure out the next number in the sequence. At its current rate, the project will reach one million on August 19th, 2526. Until that glorious day, Uncyclopedians can only dream... Cheevers Fires Back! By An unbiased journalist After some light-hearted slights in last week's issue, Gerry Cheevers - Uncyclopedia's resident headcase and #2 hockey authority - has taken exception with the editors of this fine periodical. An ugly scene erupted in the USP press room after Gerry barged in, demanding some sort of justice. Luckily, some quick thinking by our tea-boy and current stand-in editor caused Mr. Cheevers to be distracted by a shiny object long enough to avoid any damage to our delicate newspapering equipment. After it was pointed out that he had in fact come and gone from Uncyclopedia like some sort of cow that grazes on witty satire and coherent parody, Gerry calmed down enough give a brief interview and let some of our junior reporters scratch him behind the ears. When asked about the reasons for his return, Gerry cited many things. Prominent among them were a desire to have humor play a larger role in his life once again, the thrill of writing articles, the subsequent crushing defeat after said articles have been hacked to pieces mercilessly, and his heterosexual man-crush on Mhaille. The one-time WotM nominee fell on hard times in mid-March, and went on sabbatical when his computer decided that it was not long for this world and took its own life. After that, Gerry resorted to breaking into libraries after-hours to cast VFH votes on city-owned, porn-riddled, abysmally slow dial-up computers. Luckily he landed a job in late May and has spent a majority of his time at said job slacking off and editing Uncyclopedia. Mr. Cheevers looks forward to getting back to what he is known for: mediocre writing, scathing Pee Reviews, and keeping Manforman locked up in the Uncyc dungeons. Several prominent Uncyclopedians share his optimism for a permanent return, including noted reviewing robot MrN9000, who stated that he was "willing to bet everything Cajek owns to that effect," and heavy zeppelin Don Leddy, who expressed his delight at seeing Gerry, exclaiming "gimme back my twenty dollars!"

Check out these pages! Yay! Woo! We all fail! Who judges the judges? (Apart from Zombiebaron, of course) Rock the vote? From our logs: 23:16, 19 July 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 71.254.51.48 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Wow! I was gonna go the rest of my life hating Metallica, but you've opened my eyes to their true greatness! You, sir, are an hero! An hero!) 23:56, 20 July 2008 Olipro (Talk | contribs) blocked Swampgas (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (congratulations, now you can add us to your list of sites you got banned from for being a bellend) 21:53, 22 July 2008 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) huffed "Slappy's Angels" ‎ (VFD - I throw in anotherv invisible vote to put these at -4/-5 (YEAH I'M TOO LAZY TO EDIT)) Biopic of the Week Sycamore ~ One of Uncyc's noteworthy Caledonian correspondents, Sycamore claims his prowess at writing stems from a hearty diet of haggis, neeps and tatties, washed down wi' a whisky, a can of Irn-Bru, and a gratuitous stereotype. He's managed to stay sober long enough to write quality articles on Battleship Potemkin, David Bowie and Tony Visconti, and doubtless celebrated in true Scottish fashion - with a couple of cans of Tennent's and a fight! Page of the Week (straight version) User:Optimuschris/Super Secret Girlie Page! - no explanation needed. Page of the Week (gay version) User:Orian57/Under my matress - the yin to OptyC's yang. So to speak. You have been warned. This Week's Horoscopes GUARANTEED TO BE ACCURATE Pisces (Feb. 19 - March. 19) - The position of Mars renders you the likely victim of pirate attacks this week. Carefully guard any grog, wenches, and booty you may have accumulated. see more horoscopes Foreign Uncyc Page of the Week: Italian Linux and the Crappy Translation Really Old Image Request of the Week For an UnTune. Seriously, this one has been around for ages, and no-one seems to be able to sort it out. Any takers? A certain psychotic frog will doubtless shower any helpful soul with gratitude. Or a template. Or something.

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THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 16:50, 24 July 2008 (UTC)

               

*BURP*
Sorry for the BIG burp. A have a task for you, zombie.
Since you are a undead zombie, being mindless,
rottining, feed on brains & doubleplusgoodwise,
(and hate p0rn) can
you put {{Template:No P0rn!!!}} in every porn page? Thanks.--Journey to the Lost Isle-er's Sockpuppet 02:23, 22 July 2008 (UTC) 『J』『a』『c』『o』『b』『2』『-』『2』

• Nope. -- The Zombiebaron 01:45, 23 July 2008 (UTC)

UnSignpost: July 17th, 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Openly Admits Its Liberal And Conservative Biases!

July 17^th, 2008 • Eleventh Issue • This issue isn't late, your calendar is fast.

It's The Poo Lit. Surprised? By UU Uncyclopedia's twice annual writing competition, the Poo Lit Surprise starts this week. In typical Uncyclopedia style, it seems to have come as a surprise to many, not least EMC, who was supposed to be running it, but who has disappeared without trace. Horrified by what was happening to their beloved and prestigious competition, the Uncyclopedia community rushed into action as soon as it noticed (a day or so late), and promptly agreed someone needed to do something. This was followed by some of the community running around in small circles, flapping their hands wildly and panicking a bit, before cuddly authority figure Zombiebaron decisively stepped in and selflessly told Dr. Skullthumper to sort it out and get the fuck on with it. At the time of going to press, both Skullthumper and Zombiebaron may have been available for comment for all we know, but we couldn't be bothered to ask them. VFS: The Race Hots Up For The Second Month Running By UU In an unprecedented turn of events, and due to namby-pamby unclear rules that have since been firmed up and given a healthy gay colour makeover, Uncyclopedia is voting for further candidates to be admitted to the non-existent cabal. The race is turning out to be quite a close one between several of the frontrunners, so the ever-impartial UnSignpost (founded by Cajek and Dr. Skullthumper) brings you pen pics of the current favourites. Heerenveen - Uncyclopedia's Tank. Doesn't sleep, eat, dream or pet fluffy animals. Does nothing, in fact, but patrol Special:Recentchanges, rolling over cyberbullying, shooting down crap, smoking out vandals and reverting their stuff, and other tank-like activities. What to expect: extreme diligence, and a bigger gun, apparently. MrN9000 - Profiled in the Unsignpost only last week, MrN has still found time to become even more awesome than he was then, and mends, mentors and poopsmiths his way around the site with matchless dedication. What to expect: zero tolerance for anything pants. Roman Dog Bird - Frankie is another tireless worker in the name of making crap stuff less crap, good stuff betterer, and shite stuff deleted. Wherever there is a thankless task to be done on the wiki, you shall find him. Which is a good job, because we have no intention of thanking him. What to expect: him to be ready from day one (hmm, that's a catchy slogan...) Dr. Skullthumper - A true legend of Uncyclopedia: handsome, talented, possessed of unprecedented levels of awesome, and a genius towards whom this newspaper (that he co-founded) is not in the least bit biased. Oh no. And can he give the editorial staff their teddies back now, please? What to expect: benevolent dictatorship with an iron fist. In a good way. RAHB - What comes to mind when you hear the name RAHB? Is it VFD? QVFD? QTVFD? RecentChanges? All those answers are correct and more when you get the new and improved RAHB this month! RAHB is an Uncyclopedia policy wonk with all the credentials of Al Gore, except for that Vice-President thing. What to expect: former audio superstar turned into a big, friendly admin. In a good way! Who will win? All may be reported in future editions of the UnSignpost. If we remember. And if we can be bothered.

Check out these pages! Some sort of prize thingy limps off the starting line No news is... Led news? Blog whoring FTW! From our logs: 17:49, 11 July 2008 Olipro (Talk | contribs) blocked 70.173.54.200 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (This is a penis, this is you) 18:29, 11 July 2008 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 156.34.72.222 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (This ban is approved by the society of Chuck Norris followers. Chuck, for a better world ) 23:37, 13 July 2008 Spang (Talk | contribs) blocked Jimbo spends foundation money in russian prostitutes (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (IN them?) 08:31, 17 July 2008 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 69.73.10.118 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (If there something I really detest is IPs with small penii trying to act like big honchos on a wiki web site. I'd like to meet you one day, Mr. IP, and send you over the IP hospital) Biopic of the Week Hyperbole ~ Hype is awesome! Hype has been on Uncyc for just a short time, and yet has already written some of the greatest articles ever composed by human beings! Hype is easily the greatest author ever to have graced this humble wiki, and it is surely only a matter of time before he sails past Ljlego's record of 76 features with consummate ease. And despite not having either the Democrat or Republican nomination, Hype is also the surest bet in this year's Presidential elections! Is there anything this guy can't do? Apart from that thing with the rosary and the 3 Mexican children? Comeback of the Week Gerrycheevers ~ For the third or fourth time this year, Uncyc's comeback kid has again popped through his revolving catflap to grace us with his presence after a period of absence! The UnSignpost staff are accepting bets as to how long this comeback will last. Any takers? Plea of the Week Hey you! Yes you! You're reading this, so you must have some free time you don't know what to do with, so why not write an article for the UnSignpost! As you can tell from reading this very issue, actual writing talent is not required, just spout some gubbins about something that's happened on the wiki during the last week, and as long as it's not too likely to start drama, we'll probably stick it in! How can you refuse? Go on, be your friend?

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THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 06:11, 20 July 2008 (UTC)

possible thingy

Dear Cajek and Zombiebaron (listed in alphabetical order),

At first this seemed like a real swell idea but after working on it a little bit it started to, uh, yeah, started to look pretty VFD. Anyway, as two aficionados of random humor I thought I'd welcome you two first to edit it and help make it into something mainspace-able. Only if you feel like it. Some time.

Anyone else that happens to be reading this message is welcome too, I guess.

I put this same message on Cajek's talk page. --So So 06:53, 13 July 2008 (UTC)

I'm glad you would think of me, So So. However, I'm not entirely sure how much help I will be able to be. I will, nonetheless, try my best to edit it at least once. -- The Zombiebaron 17:46, 13 July 2008 (UTC)

Great, no pressure though. As far as I'm concerned the piece is pretty much DOA, so if you do add anything don't think you have to produce comedy gold. --So So 23:59, 13 July 2008 (UTC)

Don't worry. I never worry about that. -- The Zombiebaron 02:11, 14 July 2008 (UTC)

T'anks

Hey, thanks for fixing my Shoryuken image. I don't know if you could tell, but I drew the arrows in MS Paint, and there's only so much attention you can give details in Paint (unless you're this guy). The joystick version is far superior. --Pleb SYNDROME _{CUN medicate (butt poop!!!!)} 22:10, 12 July 2008 (UTC)

Oh, no problem. I was busy scouring the new images list in search of images for VFP (which has, increasingly, become an impossible and rather sobering mission) when your image caught my eye. It just needed a bit of a fix-up. I'm still considering if people on VFP would find it funny though, but I did. -- The Zombiebaron 17:43, 13 July 2008 (UTC)

UnSignpost: Jewlie 3rd/10th, 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Because Uncyclopedia is no laughing matter.

July 10^th, 2008 • Tenth Issue Spectacular!

Uncyclopedia running out of interesting stuff, UnSignpost starts up shitty telethon! By DJ Irreverent Look at you, sitting there all high and mighty with your Chuck Norris facts and Oscar Wilde quotes, well during this season of laziness and sitting round jacking off, please donate the gift of humor (or humour, we bend that way to no matter how much we are chased out of church) to a poor Uncyclopedian run newspaper near you. Take this poor little article for example; Canadian Tire Money or Canny as no-one calls him, just 8 minutes old and he is already roaming the streets. Illiterate and doing incoherency, long lines of lists and e before i (especially after c), it is only a matter of time before he turns to gay jokes to fund his addictions. Please help this little article achieve its potential as an Injoke by donating the gift of laughter, stupidity... or even just simple bad taste. Successes AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA[complete success]! ~ Annoying Article Fuck not this again... ~ Captain Obvious Free publicity in exchange for; 1) Shitty memes 2) Dragging up shitty memes ~ Euroipods There's more you can do... Call you're nearest admin and start a discussion about just how much humor you can donate (read: swearing and shock-porn), or start the 2717231278th forum topic concerning how we all must strive to remove the scourge of shitty articles. In the immortally misattributed words of our founding fathers, stillwaters and Chronarion "Fuck were we high" er... or words of respected member TheLedBalloon "Also, in the ass or the mouth?" oh dear... or even words of respected member 81.101.207.62 "Hey look a donut". Amen. Our lines are open to your pledges 25/7. Please help Save Cats from Degrading Captions- wait... - Save the Porn onto my Hard-drive- uh... I remember! Save UnSignpost from falling into a pit of lame memes and boring articles, here is a parting word from a little one in need of YOUR help. Ry4N IS TEh GH3Y n00b whO SUX b4lls!!1 ~ Ryan kella Makes you think don't it? We will be taking your calls now. Or now. Not now. Ok, now. Modusoperandi OP'ed!? By: THEDUDEMAN This past month of June, the Uncyclopedia community got its first chance at VFS since February, and one new op was decided upon. While there were many great and very capable candidates, one in particular got the most attention and the most votes. Modusoperandi. This long time Uncyclopedian has been to VFS almost every time it gets opened as far as we can trace, and always misses it in the final round by a slim number of votes. However, this month turned out to be a winner for him, so congratulations Modus. MO likes to spend his time writing things and 'chopping some images, but also finds time to goof off in the forums, and relieve the everyday pressure of his fellow colleagues with his off topic sense of humor, which he rarely hides. Modus has a total of 19.5 featured articles as well as 10 featured images. We at UnSignpost congratulate Modus on his winnings, and are willing to put $10 on him becoming the next STM. UnSignpost Takes A Wikibreak By: UU Yeah, the UnSignpost, the newspaper that Uncyclopedia would totally fall apart without, took a wikibreak last week. They seem to be fashionable, so we thought we'd find out what they were all about. They seem to involve time spent not hunched over a keyboard in a darkened room. The UnSignpost reminds you that such activities are hazardous to your health, and should be avoided at all costs. (Note: this is absolutely true - in no way did the UnSignpost just miss a week because no-one could be bothered to edit it, or anything)

Check out these pages! Colonization? CMC? Is that some new kind of drug? Rollback: Privilege or Curse? Dimwits beware Cajek launches attempt to kill Wikia servers? From our logs: 19:56, 30 June 2008 Olipro (Talk | contribs) blocked Codeine (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a sloppy wet blowjob ‎ 19:42, 30 June 2008 Codeine (Talk | contribs) changed group membership for Modusoperandi from (none) to sysop ‎ (I asked on IRC for a funny reason tto put here, and no-one could come up with one. Losers.) 22:39, 30 June 2008 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 80.42.211.35 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Blanking articles will not compensate for your small penis)) (Block log); 18:54 . . Codeine (Talk | contribs) (blocked 71.231.38.117 with an expiry time of 1 week: No, Pete Doherty is a talentless junkie cunt. Deal with it.) (Huff log); 18:21 . . Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) (huffed "Hate Crew official fan club": Shock to the page/and you're to blame/baby, you give stubs/a bad name) (Huff log); 20:12 . . Mordillo (Talk | contribs) (huffed "Cabal/Cabal9": content was: 'there is a cabal' (and the only contributor was located and executed by the cabal. There is no cabal) (Block log); 22:30 . . Mhaille (Talk | contribs) (blocked User:Revel4tion with an expiry time of infinite: and on the eight day he fucked off) 10:58, 8 July 2008 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 72.95.139.248 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (You partly piss me off. The rest of me is in love. I'm torn. Come back later. I hate you. I love you!) Biopic of the Week MrN9000 ~ One of the more "seasoned" users on Uncyc, at a sprightly 360 years old, MrN was bitten by a pair of radioactive Y-fronts in his youth, bestowing upon him the awesome power of pants. Fortunately for us here at Uncyc, he decided to use those powers for good, and he is now our reigning king of poop, featured author and amateur tap dancer (hea, a man can have more than one hobby!) Quote of the Week <Codeine> here's a thought <Codeine> If you download music, supposedly you're damaging the music industry <Codeine> but <Codeine> if you download childporn, you're *supporting* the childporn industry <Codeine> I'M GETTING MIXED SIGNALS <Ljlego> moral of the story: <Ljlego> childporn is the way to go <zombieninja> XD <Run-DLL> thanks for the moral go-ahead Crappy deleted Stub of the Week "this chocolate is blue. and it has a BIG GREEN PENIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#" - From Blue chocolate Reason to take a Wikibreak of the Week (Admin Special) "You dream that you're being deopped after being called "The Bloody Admin" (as in that one whose hands are drenched in user's blood). Yes. Yes." - Mordillo

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 06:38, 12 July 2008 (UTC)

skintown

Ahahahaha! I need to sleep! Or get banned! Enjoy having this picture twice on your talk page!   Le Cejak • <3:23, 10 Jul 2008>

On a far more serious note, could I get registered as a bot like Fnoodle or THEDUDEBOT? I just want to be different.   Le Cejak • <3:23, 10 Jul 2008>

Only staff members can make people into bots, apparently. And I've been asking sannse to make me a bot for well over a year. So, good luck. -- The Zombiebaron 15:47, 10 July 2008 (UTC)

Woaaaah, far out!

This is a haiku Thanking you for voting For On this article

Cheers for the nom too. ;) -RAHB 23:06, 7 July 2008 (UTC)

No problem. It was a pleasure to read, and nominate, the article. -- The Zombiebaron 01:38, 8 July 2008 (UTC)

Input

Since we have butted heads in the past I am asking for your constructive criticism on Goldilocks and the Three Bears. If something is broken and needs fixed, let me know. The page did resonably well on Pee-Review, and if it passes your test then I might whore it out for VFH. Dame GUN PotY WotM 2xPotM 17xVFH VFP Poo PMS •YAP• 13:07, 7 July 2008 (UTC)

I've saved you the trouble: Uncyclopedia:VFH/Goldilocks and the Three Bears. Its a great article. I also "fixed" two things that I think were errors, but they might not have been, so you should check. -- The Zombiebaron 15:09, 7 July 2008 (UTC)

You are a Prince. My brother recommended that I move the Bozo image, so I did. (He fed me the material, including Bozo, which he felt works well as a potential warning, of sorts. Thanks for the nom, too ;-) Dame GUN PotY WotM 2xPotM 17xVFH VFP Poo PMS •YAP• 15:14, 7 July 2008 (UTC)