User talk:RabbiTechnoArchive10

Fascist Guy

That picture of Peter Griffin Reminds me of someone I know. – Preceding unsigned comment added by Bigbuttcrackman19whenever (talk • contribs)

I thought it looked a little like Elvis, in his later and fatter years. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 17:29, January 16, 2010 (UTC)

Angry Dude

Hey..... you put that ICU thing on Angry dude i edited it is it good now? – Preceding unsigned comment added by Blondefish (talk • contribs)

It'll do. Feel free to remove the ICU. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 10:41, December 20, 2009 (UTC)

Re: Award

Hello again, glad to hear you won the thing and thankyou for the thankyou. --Nikau 10:29, December 20, 2009 (UTC)

What thing was that? Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 10:42, December 20, 2009 (UTC)

The thing with the scrotum. Anyway, how are you getting on? --Nikau 13:07, December 20, 2009 (UTC)

Ah, that thing. Can't even remember what I was giving that out for, now. Otherwise - all is well. You? Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 13:17, December 20, 2009 (UTC)

Well, I appear to have nearly finished my one article before quietly forgetting this place for another 9 months - User:Nikau/Extraterrestrial life - would only be polite to read some more of your creations while I'm here, anything you deeply recommend? --Nikau 13:44, December 20, 2009 (UTC)

Visiting only every nine months or so might not be a bad idea, actually - you'd miss out on so much of the crap that makes Uncyclopedia the sort of place that it is. I tend to go down the "intensive use, then go on sabbatical for a while" route; I'm coming up for my fourth Uncyclopedian birthday in a couple of months and might well decide to have a few months away shortly thereafter. I won't recommend any one of my creations - to do would feel unpleasantly conceited - but there's plenty to choose from. Now, I'd better have a look at your new one. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 10:15, December 21, 2009 (UTC)

...which, I must say, is bloody excellent, actually. "...all ancient civilisations were comprised of skeletons that lived underground..." is genius, as is the diagram of the Universe. Let me know when you finish it and shift it into mainspace, as I think you've got a definite contender for VFH there. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 10:24, December 21, 2009 (UTC)

Thank you for your kind words, I changed it a small amount in the Europa part. Being a prolific writer of news pieces on here, would you mind also reading this User:Nikau/UnNews: US surge in Afghanistan may be followed by more strategy alterations, warm feeling to see if it is any good also? --Nikau 13:01, January 1, 2010 (UTC)

It looks good to me - I made a couple of very minor changes to the punctuation and grammar, but otherwise it all seems ready for moving to mainspace. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 12:20, January 2, 2010 (UTC)

Done and done. --Nikau 21:20, January 3, 2010 (UTC)

Good and good! So - are we going to be blessed with more contributions from you before you vanish again? Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 15:23, January 4, 2010 (UTC)

;)

Thanks for bagels mate ;). Your article looks really nicely and is so funny for that I had to nominate it :) Sir Ptok-Bentoniczny^{Pisz tutaj} • KUN 16:12, December 22, 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost Delivery! - December something!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper that took a long enough vacation to make former President Bush jealous.

December 17^th, 2009• Issue 70 • Fuck You! I Felt Like It!

UnSignpost and random editor return from two month break, find that not much has changed By THEDUDEMAN After 2 months, one would think that things would change. But from the looks of it, nothing really has for Uncyclopedia in the past few months with out UnSignpost. In particular, the problems in caring, changing things, doing other things and caring have gone from the problems of two months ago, to the problems of now, with nothing really changing. The causes of these problems, discovered after much digging through archives seems to be the general Nobody cares aditude of the site, and the general populations inability to really change anything, because they don't care. A random user who had been missing since around the last issue of UnSignpost made this comment. "Well, when I left, uncyc had been having its own problems and everyone had been complaining about the same things for some time and nobody really cared enough to do anything, or just couldn't make anything happen." says THEDUDEMAN, who had been missing since late September. "I thought I'd come back and see what was happening in the world of Uncyclopedia, and by the looks of it, nothing has changed" While the general population of Uncyclopedia has been alerted to these aging problems, nobody has raised any fuss to get any of them solved. It seems nothing will ever happen because as they all say, nobody cares. UU notices return of USP, hijacks article for own nefarious ends By UU Yeah, that title pretty much gives it away - evil admin UU has hijacked this section of the USP to announce two festive initiatives: the Mince Pie contest, and the Ban Parto-ho-ho-l, both of which are to be found on his userpage. So if you think you can eat more mince pies this Christmas than UU or current runaway leader Barry Gibb of Bee Gees fame, or if you want to request a friendly festive joke ban for one of your Uncyc chums, get yourselves across to the most festive userpage on the wiki! YOU ARE ALL LAZY TALLYWHACKERS! An Editorial. By The Woodburninator Alright you lazy sons of bitches (no offense to Zana, of course), what in the hell have you been doing these last few months? Gerry takes time away from this awful place for, like 3 months, and no one is able to do a single UnSignpost? Not once. SINCE OCTOBER! Have we as a community forgotten the fine, upstanding tradition that this here barely read online journal has kept going since May of 2008? It is time for a little history lesson boys and girls (No offense to Zombiebaron, of course). The Post was started by Cajek and Skully in May of 2008. That's really as far as I got with my research though, so I guess your history lesson is over. Regardless, how many amazing stories have been broken from the fine investigative journaling over the years? Like the time we broke the story that the UnSignpost was starting up. Or the time we told everyone Spang's talkpage was destroying the Wikia servers. A problem that still haunts us today. Without this venerable post, those stories never would have been unleashed upon the moronic and ignorant public that includes you, who are both a moron and ignorant. We need this thing to bring us the news, and make us laugh. We need this thing for the sake of parody. But, above anything else, we need this post in order to waste Dexter's time when he's forced to deliver them. Have you seen his edits around here over the past few weeks? That guy's getting to be WAY too useful, and if we don't stop him now, who knows what he'll do next. Fix VFH? Win Last person to edit wins? Nip this in the bud Uncyc. Nip this in the fucking bud.

Check out these pages! A Caption Contest... or something... Some sort of war of templates? WTF? Shit like this still going on... Really? From our logs: 19:53, December 15, 2009 Mordillo blocked Bobbinator with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (end of the line, fuckwit. I'm going to track down your IP address and report it to the abuse department of your ISP. run and hide motherfucker, run and hide.) 16:56, December 15, 2009 Under user blocked 209.175.13.46 with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (oy, fuck off. no blanking, no cyberbullying, and NO personal details like phone numbers. GTFO.) 13:20, December 15, 2009 Mordillo blocked 199.43.172.254 with an expiry time of infinite ‎ ("199.43.172.254, causing trouble since 2005") BIOPIC OF THE WEEK AH, WHAT CAN BE SAID ABOUT THEDUDEMAN? THE GUY EXHUDES DUDLINESS AT ALL TIMES DURING HIS TIME HERE. HE WON UNCYCLOPEDIAN OF THE MONTH IN AUGUST OF 2009. HE WON A PLS WHEN HE RE-WROTE DUDE, AN ARTICLE THAT LATER GOT FEATURED, AND FROM WHICH HE TAKES HIS NAMESAKE. HE HALFHEARTEDLY EVEN TRIED TO START THIS EDITION. HAS HE DONE OTHER THINGS THAT ARE COOL, NOTEWORTHY, AND I SHOULD BE TELLING YOU ABOUT? PROBABLY. BUT RESEARCHING ANY OF THAT WOULD FORCE ME TO GO ONTO HIS USERPAGE, AND SINCE I AM AT WORK, I AM UNABLE TO ACTUALY DO THAT. INSTEAD I'LL JUST STICK TO THE ALL CAPS GIMMICK IN A COY TIE-IN TO HIS NAME. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THEDUDEMAN. Quote of the Week <zim_ulator> no penis involved here LadyCS has left #uncyclopedia <DrSkullthumper> You just lost LadyCS's interest Old School Featured Article of the Week MonthTri-Month Let Someone Else Do It tm is every intelligent person's philosophy of life. There are plenty of things that if we stop doing them for a long enough time, some other sucker with less patience and a greater sense of responsibility will do them instead. This is an established law of our social reality, and it is our obligation to uphold it. VFD Keep vote of the week. Keep The less use something is, the more I identify with it. mAttlobster. (hello) 22:41, December 28, 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

Late deliver courtesy of MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 23:55, December 29, 2009 (UTC)

The Wiki Religion

This article was put in ICU- I have make extensive changes, please let me know what you think.

Cheers – Preceding unsigned comment added by 203.219.184.207 (talk • contribs)

Massively improved - and a pleasure to find a new writer who sees the ICU tag and thinks, "Right - I'll read this and see how I can improve my article" instead of "Wahhhh! How dare anyone suggest my writing isn't perfect?!" If I may, I'd still suggest you add some pictures, however - otherwise, feel free to remove the ICU whenever you choose. Also, if you're planning on sticking around, have you considered signing up for an account on Uncyclopedia? It takes mere seconds, allows you various rights and priviledges that you don't get as an IP and - best of all - it's free. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 09:55, December 30, 2009 (UTC)

Guinea pig

As the only user name I recognize in the Guinea pig change history: See if you don't think the article has gone straight downhill since the 1-Aug-09 version:

• Just before your last revert there, AnonIP, perhaps trying to clean up the intro with its "shit tube" model of the guinea pig, replaced the intro in its entirely--with random babble.
• Changes since then have been minor and have mostly introduced new memes, including "shoop da whoop"
• A misformatted bit of scatology (though perhaps it's appropriate in the case of the guinea pig) has been added to the final list.

I'm inclined to revert it to the 1-Aug-09 version--unless you do so first, or know of a reason why not to. Spıke ¬  22:44 4-Jan-10

I'm inclined to agree, so I've reverted it. You really have to wonder why people bothered adding some of what had been added! Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 09:46, January 5, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks! and I often do. Spıke ¬  12:36 5-Jan-10

Spooky indeed

But you're right, the two articles are sufficiently different that no one will care. No one who matters, anyway. --Sog1970 21:52, January 8, 2010 (UTC)

TBH, I doubt I'll ever get round to finishing mine anyway. I start a lot of articles but only finish a very few of them - either that or it'll be ticking away for ages until I suddenly get a flurry of inspiration and finish it in one go, a year or so in the future. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 22:03, January 8, 2010 (UTC)

Sticking with honesty, I didn't read all of it. But I liked the bits that I did read. I sometimes find that printing them out and reading them on paper helps spur a bit of inspiration. Fuck knows why. --Sog1970 22:12, January 8, 2010 (UTC)

Doesn't work for me. That one's an old writer's trick to clear mental blockage and many a writer will swear to its efficiency - but only waiting for the muse to return works in my case. Well, since giving up the psychoactive drugs that characterised my youth, at any rate. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 22:30, January 8, 2010 (UTC)

For this...

you deserve this:

Necropaxx has awarded you a cookie! Now go play in traffic.

Thanks for the laughs. :) • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Sunday, 00:27, Jan 10 2010

/me munches cookie. Wow - vegan and kosher! And is that coconut I taste? My favourite! Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 09:08, January 11, 2010 (UTC)

I laughed too. So you're forgiven. • FreddThe Metalhedd • • • 10:00 • Monday, 11-01-2010

Don't pretend you didn't enjoy it at the time, either! ;-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 10:02, January 11, 2010 (UTC)

Hey I was drunk then! And when I'm drunk, I can even enjoy Friends. • FreddThe Metalhedd • • • 10:16 • Monday, 11-01-2010

You must drink a hell of a lot! Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 10:38, January 11, 2010 (UTC)

Stuff

Heybrew you put a stamp on my page ordering to make it better, while I'd love to make it better and honour your divine Admin overlord powers, I'm not sure what to add, if you could give me an idea that would be great, no matter how funny the horse is running in to the cart I'd really like it to work :D – Preceding unsigned comment added by Alec007 (talk • contribs)

Good - glad to see you realise that the ICU tags are intended to help rather than merely attack, that's the first (and possibly most important) step to improving an article. Once I've found out who you are (which is why it's best to sign your posts with ~~~~, which reveals all), I'll take a look and see if I can think of anything to suggest. Two things - 1; an ICU is not an order as such. It's simply a suggestion as to what might improve an article and 2; I'm not an admin, and although that doesn't mean I can't offer advice it does mean I can't offer miracles such as turning any water you happen to have lying about into wine or inflicting plagues of frogs upon your enemies, etc. Right, I now know who you are, so I'll have a look at your article in a minute. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 09:50, January 13, 2010 (UTC)

Right - first off, are we talking about Wogan as in Terry? If so, parody works better if you write something about Wogan as he exists in reality, rather than as something to do with Warcraft. A little bit of random humour works well, for example the bit about the name deriving from shitman pony, but too much is too much. If you're talking about a different type of Wogan, then it's one I know nothing about; but humour based on reality will still work better. The bits about Mormons and Scientologists could be developed further, as Uncyclopedia will always have room for good old-fashioned religious intolerance (especially when directed at Scientologists; because - let's face it - those guys are just weird.) I would consider adding some pictures, especially if you're not sure what to write. Look at some images connected to the subject and think about how you can use them or change them for comedic effect - this tends to inspire ideas for the text, and even if it doesn't using them will flesh out the page and disguise the fact that there isn't a lot of text to start with. Less important is tidying up the spelling, punctuation, capitalisation and grammar - we realise that this is not everyone's strongpoint and it has no effect on a person's skillfulness as a writer, so we have an Uncyclopedia:Proofreading Service. However, I'm not entirely sure if anyone is still active over there (after all, proofreading with any regularity is all too much like unpaid work) so, should you find that help is not forthcoming, just leave me a message here and I'll proofread it for you. Good luck, and I'll be looking forward to reading your article once you've finished it. In the meantime, feel free to leave any questions here. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 10:08, January 13, 2010 (UTC)

I Certainly Shouldn't Be Kvetching

Shalom Rabbi. Thank you for the generous compliments on UnScripts:So What Do the Israelis and the Palestinians Really Want?. Flattery always brightens up one's day :). I don't have any playwriting experience, actually -I have so far only found myself capable of writing angsty short stories and poems with titles like 'Inked Ravens of Despair Claw Holes in the Arse of the World's Mind'. However, I run a MidEast Focus society at my school with a friend, and since we have just completed a "season", if you will, (I hear it's lovely this time of war) on the Arab-Israeli Conflict, we are thinking of putting on sketches highlighting its absurdity, as well as (take your handkerchief out, it gets very sentimental from here) the deeply human longings that both perpetuate the conflict and offer the only way out of it. My ramshackle piece on UnScripts -it's not really a script yet, I haven't really found a way to link even the two things I have written together -is just a way of experimenting with what ideas I have and seeing how people react to it. Anyway, it's wonderful that you are so appreciative; I was just glad no-one deleted it immediately :). I wish I could be Woody Allen, but my writing only acquired a veneer of genuine satire, as opposed to mere silliness, because I have parents who were on opposite sides of that conflict, and tried to make sure that the apartheid wall (woops, I meant fence)never went into my head.

Also, I have read a share of your work on Uncyclopedia -they are awesome. So if you have any advice for extra scenes in my UnScripts, or if you have suggestions for improving existing scenes or linking them together, I would gladly settle down for the sermon (although bagels from La Kosher Nostra, free of charge, are much appreciated). SufiyaFatimaLevi 12:46, January 13, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks for your kind comments re. my articles. I'm a bit of a rubbish critic, unfortunately, so I can't really suggest where to go with yours - however, I notice you've been talking with Mordillo who happens to be a bit of an expert on all things Middle Eastern so I imagine inspiration will be forthcoming from him. Also, I have to confess to a lifelong and decidedly non-kosher dislike of Woody Allen, whom I find almost unbearably tedious - I have little doubt you can writer better than he can! Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 13:06, January 13, 2010 (UTC)

The Jewishness of Editting the Daily Fascist

Thanks for the great bagels Rabbi -I'll save some for Shabbat as well. I only wish I could earn as much as Woody Allen did from writing, when he was around my age -$1500 a week. So, having vindicated that Gentile stereoptype, I proceed to debunk some by the following mini-dialogue:

SufiyaFatimaLevi:So, RabbiTechno, I notice that you are editting the Daily Fascist. I can't understand why. A Nazi libel sheet! Are you some kind of masochist (I know a shop that sells excellent leather thongs at half price, by the way) or, Yishmor HoKei, a self-hating Jew?

RabbiTechno: On the contrary, litle girl. When I used to edit HaEretz, the only articles I could let people print were about riots in the West Bank and Gaza, suicide bombers trained in Saudi Arabia with CIA instructors, and scientological missionaries flooding the Holy Land. But now that I edit the Daily Fascist, I could write so much more true stuff: that the Jews control all the banks, that we dominate the arts, and that we are on the verge of taking over the intellectual world with the slogan: First Uncyclopedia, then Wikipedia! You know, it makes me feel a whole lot better! – Preceding unsigned comment added by SufiyaFatimaLevi (talk • contribs)

The Daily Fascist - which doesn't actually exist, or not under that exact title at any rate, is a parody of British tabloid the Daily Mail (with which you may be unfamiliar - Uncyc's article on the subject tells you all you need to know in a far more truthful way than either Wikipedia or the Daily Mail's own website). Also, "we are on the verge of taking over the intellectual world"? We had that one stitched up centuries ago! Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 13:31, January 13, 2010 (UTC)

Yes, I know about the Daily Mail -I currently live in South East London, where it is frequently the only newspaper for sale in local stores. This is the price my mamaleh pays for not living in Golders Green (oy vey she's overpaying), and my baba-habibi for not living on Edgware Road (this price is not rrright). Suffice it is to say that the Daily Mail should be sold to every non-BNP member with travel sickness bags. It was a moment of triumph when Hari Kunzru refused to accept a prize from the Daily Mail for their consistent barrage of bigotry against ethnic minorities. It was one of those golden times of 'gotcha schmendriks...'SufiyaFatimaLevi 13:49, January 13, 2010 (UTC)

Ah, a fellow Brit! IMO, someone should break into the Mail printing works one night and tip several gallons of LSD into the ink, so that the next day every Mail reader experiences a full-force acid trip. That'd probably be sufficient to kick-start their lithopedion-like brains into actual thought instead of numb reactionism. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 14:01, January 13, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks for the bagels, and have a look

Thanks for the bagels! The nom needs no thanks, you wrote a great article and deserve a feature from it. Since you are an ordained Rabbi, please have a look at "Star of David", a page I wrote from someone's stub. The author had whipped up a brief weird idea, and I just took off and made a paper airplane from it. Thanks again, Aleister in Chains The Year of our Fnord, MMX

Actually, I was following your progress with Star of David - I noticed it when the author first created it and assumed it was going to be the standard anti-semitic stub worthy of rapid QVFDing, so I was pleased to see you take it over and develop it. I haven't looked for a few days, so I will do at some point and see what you've done with it. :-) ~}Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 10:36, January 14, 2010 (UTC)

Great dino bones pic. I put a few more edits into Star, I think knowing that someone is actually reading something focuses the mind and allows mixsteaks 2 b kaught. But why be surprised, any Rabbi worth the name would keep tabs on the Stars wanderings. Kabbalistically, Al'ly McChains Kether/Da'ath Conjunction, MMX

Yo.

Hey Rabbi. You know I'm not usually one to go around whoring my articles, but I thought you might like this. It involves secret Jewish plots, and you voted for on a previous nomination, and I sure would appreciate the support! IronLung 00:39, January 16, 2010 (UTC)

I'm not going to vote for again though - this time, I'm voting "Very For" :-) It deserved a feature last time round and since it's even better this time, let's hope it gets there. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 13:54, January 16, 2010 (UTC)

Much appreciated! IronLung 20:04, January 16, 2010 (UTC)

I did a little experiment

And I think the best music to accompany the preparation of Cholent is Luis Armstrong. I'll let you know about the results tomorrow. Also, A gitte shabes! ~ 23:41, January 16, 2010 (UTC)

Ol' Satchmo is a good soundtrack to most things, I find - what's more, since he was active for around 50 years, he produced enough music to listen to him non-stop every time you make cholent and never have to hear the same song twice; though I can listen to his duets with Ella Fitzgerald repeatedly. I had cholent yesterday too, but since I always add a handful of chopped chillis mine would probably be better classified as "curry that was cooked for a very long time!" Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 10:49, January 17, 2010 (UTC)

I just use black pepper. BTW, I'm still shocked by the whole Gefilte with bread crumbs, and so would my grandmother as soon as I tell her. That's not Gefilte Fish, that's Gefilte n`chips! ~ 10:54, January 17, 2010 (UTC)

You really need to try it. Imagine the fishiness of the gefilte combined with the crispiness of the breadcrumbs - it keeps the gefilte taste (which I like) but changes the texture from "Yuck!" to "Mmmm - crispy!" making for a vastly improved experience all round. I'm actually seriously considering looking into the laws re. sending stuff like dead fish through the mail between EU nations and buying you some. Even my missus likes it, and no goy ever liked the gooey grey version (the number of Jews who like that version probably numbers less than 20 too). Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 11:00, January 17, 2010 (UTC)

That's only the Jews in the diaspora, it's big in Israel. Well, at least with the ashkenazi Jews. The Sphoradi thinks we're all out of our minds. ~ 11:11, January 17, 2010 (UTC)

Ah, but they eat kitniyot during Pesach, so who are they to talk about strange dietary habits? Them and their Aron Kodesh with the parochet inside the doors...weirdos (thereby exhausting my knowledge of the differences between Ashkenazi and Sephardi synagogues). Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 11:22, January 17, 2010 (UTC)

The whole prayer style is different, songs sound like they came from two separate religions. ~ 11:24, January 17, 2010 (UTC)

I assume there's some Moorish influence, which must have resulted in some stunningly beautiful synagogues/books etc. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 11:30, January 17, 2010 (UTC)

"Some?" HaSephardim are 75% Moroccans, 25% Iraqis, Turks, Egyptian, Yemeni and native. • FreddThe Metalhedd • • • 11:39 • Sunday, 17-01-2010

You forgot Persians, Tunisians, Libyans, Spaniards, Portuguese Lybians and some other bits and bytes (Moroccans are not 75% btw). And yes, if you see a Sphoradic synagogue it's typically much much nicer than an Ashkenazi one. Also, their poetry is beautiful. You need to learn Hebrew to enjoy that. Also, pop quiz - anyone knows what "Spharadim" means? Also also, Moosh, I gave people at work lecture over Um Kultum a couple of days ago, hope I made you proud. ~ 11:53, January 17, 2010 (UTC)

Tunisians, Libians, Spainards, Portoguese, they're all one; moorish berbers (75%). Persians and Iraqis are one, also. Also, I heard that the guys over there in Israel love Umm Kulthum and that her records still sells there to this day (here, also) so yeah, I feel kinda proud. • FreddThe Metalhedd • • • 12:13 • Sunday, 17-01-2010

I know where the term Spharadim comes from - Sepharad. I've got a book by someone called Ari L. Goldman which says it's a biblical site of uncertain location, probably somewhere in Asia Minor but later believed to have been in the Iberian Peninsula (isn't it Hebrew for Spain, in fact? Oh, hang on - yeah, Wikipedia confirms that one). Wikipedia says the same sort of stuff about the location, so I'm assuming that's the case - even though I have a book somewhere (written by those funny Anglo-Israelism chaps) which says it was in Cornwall. I hasten to add that I am not an adherent to British Israelism concepts...:-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 17:25, January 17, 2010 (UTC)

As for the niceness of Sephardic shuls when compared to Ashkanazi, I bring before the attention of the court Bevis Marks in London. Spectacular. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 17:28, January 17, 2010 (UTC)

Essentially it is believed that many of the Sphoradic Jews (=Spaniard Jews) came originally from Spain, especially after the Alhambra Decree. Also, Moosh, I think you probably shouldn't tell the next Iranian you meet that he's Moorish, that'll piss him off, they're from a completely different origin. ~ 20:23, January 17, 2010 (UTC)

Read carefully. I said Iraqis and Iranians can be considered one, not can be considered moorish. • FreddThe Metalhedd • • • 20:40 • Sunday, 17-01-2010

I'm reading Persians and Iraqis are one, also. ~ 20:42, January 17, 2010 (UTC)

I once saw a colleague refer to another colleague, who was Iranian, as an Arab. Much hilarity ensued. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 13:32, January 18, 2010 (UTC)

Shouldn't the Jews of Iraq, Egypt and those that continued to live within Jerusalem after the second diaspora (very brave souls) be considered Mizrahim? I know Yemenite Jews (who, as far as I know, have now all made aliyah to Israel) tend to be placed in a category of their own...SufiyaFatimaLevi 22:05, January 17, 2010 (UTC)

Typically yes. The Yemenites do indeed have a bit of a different style of praying. I think some of the are left in Yemen, not a whole lot though. ~ 23:26, January 17, 2010 (UTC)

There are around 400 Jews left in Yemen, the majority having made aliyah before 1950 ("Operation On Wings of Eagles" (there's around 150,000 in the US too), so Yemen has considerably more than Afghanistan, which now has just one Jew named Zablon Simintov - I bet he has trouble trying to organise a minyan). Apparently, Yemenite Jews don't like being called Mizrahi Jews as their unique culture makes them separate to Ashkenazi, Sephardim and Mizrahi. (All that from Ari Goldman again) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 13:40, January 18, 2010 (UTC)

UnSignpost January several-days-ago^th

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper that won't leave you the same way they did!

Jan 14th, 2010 • Issue71 • Keeping You Guessing

Uncyclopedia Voting Season Arrives, Users Driven To Voting Frenzy By UU 'Tis the season to abstain with extreme prejudice! Yes, every anal-retentive voting obsessive's favourite time of the year has arrived: January marks the point of the year when the awards for the best things of the previous year are voted on! If that's not an oxymoron on a site that is acknowledged to be the worst, of course. This poll-packed month sees WotY, UotY and PotY join (deep breath) WotM, UotM, PotM, NotM, AotM, RotM, EGA, FP, PWotM, ANOTM, Top 10 o' the month, UGotM, VFH, VFD, VFS and VFP as forums for people to air their opinions, prejudices, minor rivalries and petty jealousies. And as if this wasn't enough voting-related thrills 'n' spills, when the Top 10 articles of December 2009 have been decided, there'll be the Top 10 articles of 2009 proper to vote for! UnSignpost's fearless reporter and mascot DogNewspaper (pictured) predicts a bumper month for whoring, in-fighting, backstabbing and bitching as users scramble to secure themselves a fleeting moment's recognition from up to several of their peers. Followed by next to no voting in February, as everyone recovers. From the desk of the Cabal: 2010 ordered to be Drama free By The Cabal As Uncyclopedia drunkenly stumbles into the new decade, barely managing to hold down that spicy dinner it had for lunch, the non-existent cabal would like to wish all residents a happy new year. And by wish we mean order, residents would be subjects and by happy new year we mean fuck you all where communism hasn't failed yet. Yes ladies and gentlemen, we saw it all in 2009. We saw dozens of forums declaring that we're the worst (which we know), we saw numerous editors leave the front door open on the way out (come on people! it's bloody -7 outside!), we saw epic banninations (the simple joys of life), we saw prolific gay bashing (ideologically pure of course), we saw religious wars over sausages, we saw the worst 100 reflections of 2009 barely close before the midnight of December 31st. You promised in 2008 you wouldn't do that. You failed us. And so, ladies and gentlemen, we raise our collective arses from the toilet which was 2009, wiping it with the first anniversary edition of the UnSignpost, as this is the only good thing that ever came out of this rag of a newspaper. We would like to ask humbly that the population of Uncyclopedia do the following: Please, for the love of Sophia, remain calm; exit the building in an orderly fashion; remember that objects in the rear view mirror may appear closer than they are; understand that allergen traces may be found in this Uncyclopedia. And always remember the prime directive: you are here to have fun. Or in short - shut the fuck up and go write an article. Thank you for your undivided attention citizens. You may now remove your muzzles.

Check out these pages! Now you have no excuse Pretend people care what you like It makes as much sense as Scientology, I suppose From our logs: 09:22, 12 January 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 64.40.243.245 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ ("raccist"? what's that, prejudiced against raccoons?) 03:33, 12 January 2010 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 98.101.196.155 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (lol i'm astral projecting an image of two gay guys having sex into your mind or something) 19:06, 6 January 2010 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 216.64.230.79 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Nigger to you too, sir.) 19:05, 5 January 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked JeChr (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Jesus is dead. He's not coming back.) 23:05, 3 January 2010 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 98.217.57.240 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (That was a waste of an edit. There are edit-starved kids in China that would've used that to its fullest extent, you know.) Biopic of the Week Prowling the corridors of pee review with a light step but a heavy hand, ChiefjusticeDS is Uncyc's reigning king of the golden river. He's reviewed more articles than most Uncyclopedians have read. In their entire lives. And he keeps a benevolent eye on everyone else, making sure there's no stale pee in the pond. If you've had a good review in the last year or so, he probably had a hand in that somewhere. Doff your cap and move on. Old-School Featured Article of the Week HowTo:Run away from home is a guide to every early teenager's ultimate weapon in the never-ending battle with the forces of evil as represented by their parents. Written by Alksub - who most of our readership won't remember - this is exactly what to do next time your parents don't let you stay out late to meet that nice-sounding kid you met over MSN who seemed very keen to hook up and get to know you better! Trend of the Year (so far) Username changing. Username a little short? Lengthen it for no good reason! All the cool kids are doing it, apparently.

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I swore I'd never hand-deliver this again. Here it is. --UU - natter 09:57, Jan 18

UnSignpost 21th January 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Won't Tell Everyone That You Wet the Bed! Oops...

Jan 21st, 2010 • Issue 72 • Yorkshire-style news

Awards of the Year race thrillingly poised By UU Yes folks, as the first month of this new decade lurches slowly and falteringly towards conclusion, the ... of the Year awards showdown is accelerating towards a thrilling climax! Your ever-topical UnSignpost mascot DogNewspaper therefore brings you this essential and timely guide to the runners and riders!. In the most prestigious award of the lot, Writer of the Year, the race for second place behind prolific funny factory and champion-elect Hype is neck and neck between apparently-no-longer-hirsute TKF fan-club president and feature-machine Guildy and low-profile but high-quality-output, er, feature-machine Sog1970. But wait! There's still a chance they could get caught by the chasing pack of little-known and modest Scouser Mhaille, hetero macho-man Orian57, antipodean canine PuppyOnTheRadio and none-more-metal mosher Monika. Oh, and some other chancers have been nommed without polling a single vote (including DrStrange, who is currently looking likely to become the first Uncyclopedian ever to win WotM twice, but hasn't carried that form over to WotY - odd). Meanwhile, over at PotY, the race for second place behind Sonje is even closer, with both Modus and some n00b polling a creditable one nom but no votes each! Who will pull ahead by the end of the month? It's a competition you just can't keep your eyes off! Disappointingly, the UotY vote lets the side down, with seemingly a boring old race for first place between Belgian one-man categorisation whirlwind, maintenance addict, broken thing fixer, BUTT POOP!!! junkie and footwear-as-handwear exponent Socky and handsome English admin who wrote this article and is not in the least bit biased UU. The apparent scramble to be runner-up to whichever of these two is runner-up is far more interesting, as non-stop wikifixer MadMax goes up against Welsh Rarebit RabbiTechno, not-Yorkshire-enough admin Mordillo, vowel-free-zone Mnbvcxz and Moterfucking Nigger Lover Roman Dog Bird. Damned with the faint praise of a nom with no votes in this category are the pants bomber, talk page king FU Spang, human non-sequitur generator Modus and absent but deadly hockey nut Gerry. And finally, over where it's really at, the NotD cockfight is almost impossible to call! Will plucky outsider RC hold off the challenge of Apple, Apples and Maddie's life? The tension is quite literally unbearable! But remember kids: whoever "wins", we're all still losers. And now, your not-at-all-struggling-for-material Signpost brings you... Horoscopes! By GlobalTourniquet Aquarius (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18) - This week, you have a dream, that one day you will be judged not by the color of your skin but by Simon Cowell. Virgo (Aug. 23 - Sept. 22) - If Martin Luther King had believed them when they told him "Silence is golden", he never would have accomplished his great work in the cause of civil rights. You, on the other hand, are just a mouthy bitch. Silence is golden. For the rest of this week's horoscopes in full, see the horoscopes page, obviously.

Check out these pages! Narcissism? On the intertubes? Serious businesszzzzszszz - sorry, nodded off there Breaking News: We're The Worst! From our logs: 06:45, 20 January 2010 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked I LIKE PIE!!! (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 48 hours ‎ (This is your local formatting nazi-admin reminding you to stop undoing people's formatting fixes. Learn to wiki, pl0x. And don't harrass people trying to help.) 01:04, 18 January 2010 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 68.61.194.228 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (suspected homophobe. might hate gays. or he's just a faggot.) 12:33, 18 January 2010 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 196.12.233.26 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (And the Lord said unto me, "Cursed are the page blankers, for they are the least of my creations; take up thy banhammer and smite them") Biopic of the Week Conscientious vote-machine Romartus has been around longer than you might think - kick-starting his Uncyc career with a series of DYK suggestions, before hitting his stride. Known as one of the more "demanding" voters on VFH, Romartus has also been diligently saving some of the less-deserving articles on VFD. He also breeds tropical ferrets. One of the previous statements is a lie, introduced by the biographer in lieu of a joke. Use your skill and judgement to work out which one! Old-School Featured Article of the Week Really Big Tree is an article about a really big tree. This tree is of such an immense size, it is scarcely credible. Few trees deserve their own Uncyclopedia article, but the Really Big Tree deserves its own wiki. You may think you have encountered trees of impressive size before, but you haven't seen a tree at all until you've experienced the Really Big Tree! Cajek UnBlock of the week! MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) resurrected Cajek (Talk | contribs) (blocking Cajek is Sooooo old school. Unblocking Cajek is the new, new school. Not that I went to school. Obviously.) The (probably short-lived) return of UU's Obscure British Dialect Expression of the Week Were you to find yourself in Norwich, Engerland, you may happen upon a local. Were that local to then say to you "dew yew keep a troshin'", you may find yourself somewhat at a loss for a reasonable response - well, no more! Yes, your ever-useful UnSignpost is here to furnish you with a translation, which is: "take care of yourself". (It comes from "carry on with the threshing", if that helps, although we can't see how it would). So now if you find yourself in Norwich, Engerland, the only thing you have to worry about is getting out of there. Fast!

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Also, it's MrN9000's mum's 60th birthday! 9001(bot)  17:37, Jan 21

Marvellous

Uncle-Dad thanks you in the only way he knows: a long glass of moonshine and an hour with his niece-wife.

Thanks you pushing that article over the top! IronLung 22:35, January 22, 2010 (UTC)

Dy Fam

Rwyf yn ysgrifennu'r llythyr anrheuliedig yma i gyfleu neges o ddiolchgarwch eang i ymateb i dy neges gwlyb a wnaeth wneud i mi a fy nghymdogion cachu ein hunain, oherwydd doedden ni ddim yn disgwyl cael neges mewn y iaith pidynaidd sef Cymraeg. Diolch, yr wmpa lwmpa Iddewaidd, am dy gyfeillgarwch yn yr amserau tywyll yma. – Preceding unsigned comment added by BaraBrith (talk • contribs)

I'm afraid I pretty much exhausted my knowledge of Welsh with bore da - moved from Wales a long time ago, and had little opportunity to learn it growing up in foreign parts. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 13:24, January 28, 2010 (UTC)

UnSignpost 28th January 2010

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Telling You Stuff You Already Knew, But With Different Words!

Jan 28th • Issue 73 • A Periodical. Period.

Continuing Absence Of Certain Users Forces Other Users To Do Things By UU It has come to the notice of our fearless journalists that some users have recently been desperately attempting to fill the gaping void left by the absence of some other users. For instance, in the absence of part-time dinosaur and popular keyboard feature SysRq, Why do I need to provide this? has stepped bravely into the Colonization brief (and has not, for instance, been forcefully volunteered for the task by MrN), dedicating himself to bringing colons where there are none (such is our understanding). Also bravely stepping into the "ban magnet" position created by the continuing and lamented absence of hyperactive loon Cajek is, well, a plethora of users. Admins, deprived of their favourite joke-ban target, have taken to joke banning anyone in an attempt to get their fix. Even those devoted to doing only good, just and true works have recently been targeted; and as if to prove this very statement, some power-crazed asshole went and joke banned Socky, RabbiTechno and Optimuschris as soon as he'd written this sentence. Elsewhere, ChiefjusticeDS has been filling the gap left by the absence of someone's enthusiasm for anything pee-related right at the moment by looking after the pee list, taking over as the person with the most in-depth reviews, reviewing everyone else's reviews, and generally not being lazy about it all. At the same time, the continuing absence of the yellow and black sig of Gerrycheevers has forced grumbling British curmudgeon UU to return to the Wiki's only newspaper, the UnSignpost, churning out issues that are, let's be honest, mere placeholders until Gerry gets his arse back here and writes something worth reading. YOU HEAR ME GERRY? GET THE FUCK BACK HERE NOW DAMMIT! Rumours that, in the relative absence of Orian57, Roman Dog Bird will take over the position of "token gay" are unconfirmed at the time of going to press. And finally, in the absence of enough content to make this issue balance out nicely, the UnSignpost is once again resorting to using blatant filler for the first time this year. Shameless, that's what it is. Complain to someone - it's the only way they'll learn.

Check out these pages! This seems to mean something to some people Bonzer Bruce, throw another stereotype on the barbie! Like. Comment. From our logs: 20:30, 26 January 2010 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 68.223.27.16 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (No-one talks that way about my favourite Jew. Learn some manners or GTFO.) 00:48, 26 January 2010 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Why do I need to provide this? (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 20 minutes ‎ (Sometimes I feel, like I've been TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEDDD to the Whipping Post!!!!) 18:19, 24 January 2010 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked 68.42.246.27 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 year ‎ (Toll. Idiot. Whatever. Banned, UnBanned, Banned, Banned. BYE. Try IRC next time. The guys in there will enjoy it.) Biopic of the Week Users today, they barely know they're born. The problem? Too little exposure to Flammable. The permanent curator of the Principal's office rarely deigns to grace us mortals with his presence these days, but the very sight of his rainbow-strewn sig used to inspire fear, dread, terror and, for some reason, carol singing. "While shepherds fed their flocks thermite..." Old-School Featured Article of the Week This one's for you, Guildy: HowTo:Be pretentious. Don your black polo-neck, cock a snook at the hoi polloi, and sit back, secure in your superiority, thanks to this indispensable guide! Cursory Mention of the Week CheddarBBQ wanted to be mentioned in this week's Signpost. So he is.

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9001(bot)  14:56, Jan 28

Extraterrestrial life

I forgot I hadn't moved it to mainspace. --Nikau 05:18, February 2, 2010 (UTC)

For the ongoing service and being able to wad in poo day after day after day after day after

I bestow upon you the prestigious FEATHER IN YOUR CAP AWARD! Rejoice, because thou art the Chief Rabbi of Poo! ~ 12:36, February 2, 2010 (UTC)

But seriously, many thanks for all the the hard work you've put into the place, and especially for being...you! ~ 13:03, February 2, 2010 (UTC)

Interesting typo there - wad. Wad is a term often employed to refer to sperm, as in blow one's wad (though publications using such a phrase are unlikely to also refer to the first person as one, or so I'm told by those familiar with such journals). I would like to point out that I do not, at least commonly, blow my wad into or over poo; because to do so would be distinctly odd. However, attempting to claim that such an event has never occurred would be both disprovable and ridiculous, thanks to cameras of reasonable quality now being so affordable as to place them into the hands of rentboys and others who might have an interest in blackmailing clients. Furthermore, the feather has been joyfully received and added to my streimel, just in time to mark my fourth Uncyclopedian birthday which is due in a mere few days' time. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 12:56, February 4, 2010 (UTC)

You know, I have to contest that there's no way it's the 4th anniversary, unless you've edited under a different name. I think it's 3 years? ~ 13:05, February 4, 2010 (UTC)

Yep. I'm counting from my very first edits as an IP, (21:53, February 9, 2006 62.253.128.12 (Talk)) - there was, in fact, an even earlier contribution, but it was an article that was rapidly huffed and best forgotten. After that I signed up and used the name John Techno, prior to my self-ordination. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 09:22, February 5, 2010 (UTC)

In that case, you're actually 3 months older than me! I can only feel humbled by your awesomeness. Now, shall we finish the bloody article already? ~ 09:33, February 5, 2010 (UTC)

Sorry, who are you? All you young people look the same to someone of my advanced years. Aren't you Golda and Manny's son...? It's a job keeping up, what with the senility. (Should it transpire that your parents are in fact named Golda and Manny, I shall be freaked at my own spooky powers). I suppose I really ought to subtract my several - and lengthy - periods of absence from my total years on Uncyc, but I shan't so as to keep my four years intact. Also, yes. That article needs to be finished - I'm going to be out most of today (and am regretting the several shots of whisky I had during and after seeing a play last night; but will admit the second half benefited greatly from intoxication), so it's in your hands for now. I'll have a look tomorrow and see if I can think of anything to add. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 09:41, February 5, 2010 (UTC)

To be honest, I need to finish the P`tach and the Kenidalach and then clean up everything. I think we have there other than that. Do you want to do the Kneidal part? Also, there is currently 20% off all whiskeys in Amsterdam's main liqueur store. I was contemplating yesterday between a bottle of Black Bush or The Black Grouse. I also thought about Laphroeg, but I'm a bit scared of this one :) ~ 10:28, February 5, 2010 (UTC)

That's almost worth flying over for - I reckon Stanstead to the 'Dam can probably be done for less than £40 return if you fly with one of the airlines that still use Sopwith Camels and lock you into a cattle crate during the journey. All I'd need to do is buy 20 or so bottles and I'd make a saving. I seriously recommend that, if you've not tried Laphroaig before, take the 20% off opportunity to do so. It is indeed scary stuff, being distilled from stuff such as darkness and death in addition to the usual barley, but IMO and that of others there is no dram quite like it. Also, if you don't like it, you can always send it to me :-). I'll have a look at what you've done with the article and see what I can do with kneidalach. Oh - one other thing. You are right - Louis Armstrong does sound especially good while cooking cholent. Do you think he'll affect the flavour? Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 10:46, February 6, 2010 (UTC)

UnSignpost 4th February 2010

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Better sign it.

Feb 4th, 2010 • Issue 74 • Ain't It Uncool? News!

Spang Archives Talkpage; End of World Expected Imminently By UU Renowned Wikia fan, code monkey and sexy admin Spang has performed what many users believe to be the clearest sign to date of impending apocalypse: he's archived his talk page. After almost 2 years of torturing the Wiki's servers, and having amassed a fairly impressive 410,844 bytes of content, Spang finally decided to give people the chance to talk to him without waiting for half an hour for his page to load. When asked for his reasoning behind this unprecedented move, the muddy funster quipped "no comment". Faced with such dazzling repartee, this reporter has no choice but to cut to the next story and hope he has some better quotes to pad it out with. Award Winners Speak Exclusively to UnSignpost By Someone who definitely isn't running out of ideas already this year Well, there you go folks, looks like the "... of the Year" award voting is done and dusted for another year. Thanks to all who voted; without you, the admins would probably have less to do, which would obviously be dangerous. Anyway, that aside, your ever-topical Unsignpost went and mugged the various winners for comments on their various wins. Several of them, of course, have already made their feelings clear to those who voted for them by way of the traditional thanks templates. Apart from UU, because he's a lazy ass. Or because he's busy writing this. Whichever. Anyway again, for the benefit of those who didn't vote for the winners, and don't watch their talk pages, here's what they had to say: Runaway WotY Hype said: "Thanks, you guys!! If you'll permit me to be dead serious for the first time ever on the wiki, this really is an honor, and it's pretty damn touching that so many people came out in support of my work. Whew. Being serious felt weird. I feel... strange. BALLS BALLS PENIS COCK. Ah... there's the stuff!" He then went off to write another My Sojourn spin-off. Even more runaway PotY Sonje said: "Thank you, I intend to return as soon as I can. I am currently in Africa with very limited internet access. I'll try to time my return to co-incide with the Oscars so that I can get some pointers for my acceptance speech." Admittedly, that was before we asked her for a comment, but then, she is in Africa with limited internet access. Joint UotY Socky channeled Churchill to say: "*scrapes throat* Ahem! I would like to say to the community as I would say to anyone who joined this website: Uncyclopedia has nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears and sweat. We have before us an ordeal of the most grievous kind. We have before us many, many long months of struggle and of suffering. You ask, what is our aim? I can answer in one word: Victory. Victory at all costs — Victory in spite of all error — Victory, however long and hard the road may be, for without victory there is no survival. … That seems to be the wrong Churchill speech. Okay, I'll give it another try. *scrapes throat again* The gratitude of every home throughout the world, except in the abodes of the guilty, goes out to the British airmen and Belgian spies who, undaunted by odds, unwearied in their constant challenge and mortal danger, are turning the tide of the Wiki War by their prowess and by their devotion. Never in the field of human conflict was so much owed by so many to two people. And so on and so on… Woot! Woot!" Long-winded bugger. And other joint UotY UU said: "wow, Socky's already left me needing a lot of filler for the right panel, so I'll keep this shortish. First, it's good to see someone who isn't an admin get their hands on this award, and Socky's hard work deserves recognition. Second, it's great to have my complete lack of a life recognised in this way. Third, did someone say Spang's archived his talk page? What the fuck's that all about?." Oh, and Dr. Skullthumper was UGotY, but that was a foregone conclusion anyway. He didn't seem to have any comment of his own to make, so TKF hopped in to the breach with "I call the award a "fascist disgrace" and "move to permanently disbar Mike Socia, that ape from Lighting who made my mole visible to all of the goddamn world watching the ceremony."" Which about wraps it all up, I hope.

Check out these pages! No really, it's archived and everything! There are moar quesitons than answers Not sure what the point is, but it's not made with a certain style A question we have all asked, so many times From our logs: 13:56, 2 February 2010 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 161.12.7.4 (Talk) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (Excess stupid detected. Take it to Niggermania, VNN or one of the many charming forums for racist lunatics like yourself out there.) 11:15, 1 February 2010 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked 151.49.98.244 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (ITALY does not rule and has not ruled for quite some time now actually. Blame the Christians if I were you...) 19:46, 29 January 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 76.11.81.96 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Improve your manners, cunt) 09:51, 29 January 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 70.167.51.90 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (UN:VAIN. have a quick read of it, and see why we're not interested in you. although you could probably just look in a mirror and figure that out...) Biopic Legend of the Week MadMax. Forty two thousand edits. Countless other contributions that can never be measured by simple Wiki stats software. No drama. Ever. Probably the single greatest force for good on this miserable little wiki. And it took us until issue 74 to profile him. The UnSignpost sucks; Max certainly doesn't. Old School Featured Article of the Week The 1x1x1 Rubik's Cube is by far "The Most Difficult Puzzle Of All Time™". Many have scrambled, twisted and turned this mythical puzzle, but few have solved it. By the end of this article, YOU TOO will be able to solve this puzzle. Unfortunately... you may encounter some problems on the way though... such as, twisting the cube the wrong way when speedsolving. The Desperate Return of Cajek Ban of the Week! (Block log); 10:20 . . Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 10000 years ("And he shall scourage the Earth for 9999 years. And then one more" Book of Mordillo, chapter 1 verse plox. ) Horoscope of the Week Scorpio (Oct. 23 - Nov. 22) - So, yeah, it's the start of Black History Month. And speaking of Black History, seems like it's an appropriate time to finally track down your real father. You see, it turns out, that's not just a Jew-fro. For the rest of this week's 'scopes, see here. Redundancy of the Week Did we mention Spang's archived his talk page?

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9001(bot)  15:15, Feb 4

Thanks

Thanks for featuring my Why?:Stick Things in the Microwave Oven article on Why? =) —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 13:18, 6 February 2010

Oh, but before I forget. Don't forget to add the {{Why?F}} template at the bottom of featured Whys. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 13:25, 6 February 2010

Good point. Good article too - hadn't actually spotted that it was yours. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 14:59, February 6, 2010 (UTC)

Why? Oh, right. MrN 13:32, Feb 6

Why? Why? Oh Why? I wrote that, ya know. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 13:34, 6 February 2010

UnSignpost 11th February 2010

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

We're delivering it to your door anyways!

Feb 11th, 2010 • Issue 75 • Picking the nuts of truth out of the muesli of news. Or something.

New way to win awards, impress friends, crush rivals! By UU Writing competitions, eh? With the Poo Lit Surprise, the Turkey Day Ball, and a conservation week or two, it would seem Uncyclopedians can't get enough of 'em. And now there's another! But this one has a point that separates it from the herd. Well a couple of points, actually. One: it's organised by human wiki-whirlwind MadMax, so it'll probably be efficient as all get-out; two: it's a sneaky way of fulfilling a need. See, there are all these great ideas for articles floating around at UN:REQ; articles that would undoubtedly improve this festering little wiki. And there they sit, being good ideas, but not being used. This competition aims to change all that! Yes, that's right, The Article Whisperer is a competition that gives you the ideas to get you started, all you need to do is supply the funny. What could be easier? Well, since you ask, perhaps judging it could? Max is also looking for at least 4 more opinionated types, unafraid of passing withering judgement on their peers. If you're interested in judging or entering, or if you have a good idea that would elevate this competition from being a damn good idea to a colossally awesome one, let MadMax know either on his talk page, or on the article's talk page. For those who want to selflessly improve the wiki while crushing all around them under the steel wheels of their genius, there can be no finer opportunity! General news round-up By UU As several things have been happening recently in Uncyclopedia, and ace cub reporter DogNewspaper is in some sort of snow-induced hibernation, and consequently too lazy to write individual articles on any of them, here is a quick synopsis of a couple of the more newsworthy recent events on the wiki in handy easy-to-digest bite-sized chunks. Mordillo nearly went mad attempting to feature all articles tied for tenth place in the top 10 of last year. And then spent the rest of this month to date patiently fielding questions about how long the rest of the featuring was going to take, and when normal featuring would resume. POTR did his best to help. When not asked for a quote, Mordillo said "FUCK YOU VERY MUCH AND SEE YOU IN 2011". We think he's just talking about the top 10, and not about taking a 10 month hiatus. That is, we hope so. A recent VFD nomination ended in a deletion marathon, as MrN and RDB spent 2 hours removing every last trace of the notorious Game:Page. Apart from the traces Mordillo deleted, that is. And the redirects to it that UU took care of, come to think of it. But still, all told, an impressive act of mass carnage only made more awesome by the fact that they somehow managed to delete Socky's userpage at one point during the proceedings. MrN claims "Both RDB and me still have sore huffing fingers you know".

Check out these pages! Insulting sports players - the future of comedy When is a month not a month? The most important link you'll ever click From our logs: 15:04, 8 February 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs | block) blocked 169.139.1.20 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (We are having communications issues here. When I say don't recreate, it means don't press that little create button and paste the same content for the third time) 11:55, 8 February 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 74.75.78.223 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (there are a million better things you could be doing with your life right now, but you're inserting barely literate insults to a sports player on a comedy wiki. must suck really hard to be you.) 08:35, 7 February 2010 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked 76.92.151.225 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (We don't care if you fuck horses. No need to tell the world. Maybe the police, but that's up to you.) Biopic of the Week Being as he's now been on Uncyclopedia for three bastardin' years, this seems as good a time as any to profile Kip the Dip. A man of many contrasts, Kip appears to be some sort of useful gobshite. His enthusiasm for all things Uncyclopedia, including his tireless championing of Euroipods and sterling work on The word parakeet written exactly two hundred and forty-two times have helped make this wiki what it is today. The Worst. Thanks, Kip. Old School Featured Article of the Week Patriotism is an air-borne disease caused by the bacterium enlistment bonusai. It was first observed in 1776 by Dr. Arnold Bazonga, but was initially confused with the alcohol-borne illness bravery. Patriotism is communicable through the auditory ingestion of feces. Contamination often occurs from politicians, entrepreneurs, country music singers, Richard Albinger and French Emperors. Final Side-Panel Box of the Week Because we don't need that much padding this week.

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9001(bot)  13:03, Feb 11

Mr Techno sir

Just thought I would mention... Back when I was Poopsmithin I used to get away with archiving Ban Patrol if all the users in question had already been banned. Even if that BPC thing had not been put onto the page. I never got blocked for it anyway. Just sayin ;) Oh, I got blocked for archiving VFD a few times, but that's another story altogether. :) MrN 12:23, Feb 14

Yep, I know and I used to do it that way. On the other hand, it doesn't make a great deal of difference either way so I tend to wait for an admin to put the BPC template on there just for the sake of consistency. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 12:29, February 14, 2010 (UTC)

Fairy snuff. Mohelsaurus.jpg is however awesome. MrN 12:30, Feb 14

It was such an easy image to make - literally took me a few seconds, but I rather like it too. I even thought about getting it printed on a t-shirt, but I only wear proper shirts so it'd be a waste of time and money. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 12:33, February 14, 2010 (UTC)

What I really need to do now is come up with some slightly more interesting images for Gay Pubs, which I wrote yesterday. The ones it has now serve their purpose, but they're so boring. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 12:39, February 14, 2010 (UTC)

UnSignpost 18th February 2010

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Word to your mother.

Feb 18th, 2010 • Issue 76 • Now with 20% more vanity!

Understanding of the universe is shattered; Creation as we know it is defunct By POTR Imperial colonisation is back, and in true colonisation style, is taking religion to the masses. One of the most controversial elements of religious understanding has been the answer to the question "How did we get here?" This has often been seen in the debate that has been long held between Creationists and Evolutionists. Now that Imperial Colonisation is back on its feet, under the able guidance of IC Buccaneer Admiral Why?, they are educating the masses on this as we speak. "The article had been befouled by some evil doers, probably French or Spanish or Americans or worse. We are diligently researching and writing to bring the article in line with the Truth." stated Buccaneer Admiral Why?. A dramatic re-write is in process, as Why? has all his seamen working towards the noble goal of indoctrinating the masses in Creationist theory. After some false starts involving a banana and a jar of peanut butter, the recreation of creationism is being created. "The colonized article will show how the Empire has the right and duty to colonize everywhere by any methods available, and that anything we do is God's will. We will finish it by Saturday, 20 of February, or by Saturday, 27 of February, depending upon how long it takes us to colonize the natives. Anyone who wishes to apply to join our noble effort may do so at Uncyclopedia:Imperial Colonization." Why? stated in closing. Darwin awards - Uncyclopedia Stylie By POTR Recently a n00b by the name of I LIKE PIE!!! chose to join the Uncyclopedia family. After a very short time he demonstrated the behaviours that make Uncyclopedia the place that it is. Of course, removing edits and formatting fixes by other users had him come to the attention of Dr. Skullthumper, who politely left him a message along with a 48 hour ban. Fortunately he showed the resilience that 10 year olds have when they are in the middle of doing something completely idiotic, and continued to trawl through people's talk pages, undo their edits, and generally be a dick. MrN9000, understanding the right balance of politeness and harshness, gave I LIKE PIE!!! a friendly message on his talk page, with a 1 week ban to support the severity of his words. Undeterred, I LIKE PIE!!! later returned. 1 week and 35 minutes after his previous ban, MrN repeated his previous words to the young man, along with a further 1 week ban. Thankfully, it appears that I LIKE PIE!!! took MrN's words to heart, as he managed to last a further 30 minutes after this second ban before he ran afoul of Roman Dog Bird, who in true RDB style demonstrated what an infinite ban actually means. When hard-hitting journalists pressed for details relating to the banning of this pre-pubescent pestilence, MrN replied "What kinda a journalist are you man!?!" Congratulations, I LIKE PIE!!!, for becoming the inaugural Uncyclopedia Darwin award winner, and removing yourself from the meme pool that we all enjoy.

Check out these pages! Some people are just too vain... Sluts get VD, I think Everyone loves a bad winner From our logs: Under user blocked 206.113.136.253 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (y0u h@v3 b33n b@nn3d (don't be a tw@t)) MrN9000 huffed "Onlytheashesremain" ‎ (You call that an article? Put your back into it!!!, not that we are calling you stupid you understand. Dave, can we call you Dave?) Roman Dog Bird huffed "Bucket of Shit" ‎ (Funny title, but the content proves that you like to suck big, fat, black, dick. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but you obviously have trouble admitting it. Well....I'm not here for you dude. Sorry.) Biopic of the Week Hmm, who to bio this week? Well, it's been a while since we covered {{username}}, we could always go back to that old chestnut... Or maybe something esoteric, like profiling the sidebar, that'd fit with Unsignpost tradition. Hmm. Or maybe we could note that Turbo-Whoring machine, one-man Doritos fan club and Torch-Carrier by appointment to someone called "Jenny", CheddarBBQ hasn't actually asked to be profiled this week, and therefore decide this is the perfect opportunity to profile him. Usurping of the Week The Unführer of Der Unwehr has recently demonstrated the concept of survival of the fittest by finally having someone with more DU points than him threatening his position. "This is unacceptable, and will not be tolerated. Following standard Nazi protocol, the young officer in question will be forced to resign his position due to his disturbing excess of competence, just like what Hitler did to Rundstedt, List, Manstein, Bock, Rundstedt again, Busch, Leeb, and Rundstedt a third time. I wash my hands of this." Unführer Guildensternenstein said in response. Stand-in of the Week It has come to our attention that an anonymous user has infiltrated the presses here and overtaken the majority of the writing for an issue of the Unsignpost. When approached by Necropaxx to discuss this catastrophe, he is quoted as saying "I... is a... butt." This editorial team couldn't agree more.

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9001(bot)  23:38, Feb 18

A gitte shabas!

I think we did good with the cuisine article, allow me to doff my cap to you on yet another great collab! And now, on to the next conquering...? Also, tonight's dinner: Cholent with chicken, eggplanet in Tahini, home made humus, burgul salad, spicy Moroccan carrot salad and coffee and almonds cake. Hooray for Jews! ~ 09:42, February 20, 2010 (UTC)

Shabbat shalom and agreed - there was a time halfway through when we seemed to run out of steam and I wondered if it was going to end up being abandoned, but it came together rather nicely in the end and everyone seems to like it. Let's hope the kashrut one is a success too! Dinner sounds good - we had cholent last week and I found an extra packet of dried mixed beans close to the use by date in the cupboard so I added them to it and ended up eating cholent for four days in a row, so you can imagine what it was like round here by Wednesday (let's just say the UK has secured its supply of natural gas for the next decade or so). Our ferrets liked the eggs, but as we named them Mordechai and Yentl they ought to like kosher stuff. I was going to make it again today, but Mrs. Techno doesn't fancy it. Shiksas, eh? Made some rather tasty latkes yesterday however, had them with hummus (though ours was from the shop rather than home-made) and chollah since I've discovered there's a stall on our local market that sells it; which all in all works out a hell of a lot cheaper than going to London for it. Coffee and almond cake sounds good - any chance of a copy of the recipe?

Sure, I'll see if I can find it in English, and if not I'll translate it. Also, you need to update your hall of shame entry. ~ 09:56, February 20, 2010 (UTC)

I'd forgotten all about the hall of shame actually. I'm counting Ptok as a co-author too, his contributions form an important part of the article. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 10:09, February 20, 2010 (UTC)

If I risk being petty, as much as I appreciate his help, I wouldn't consider writing 5 words in a 100k article that took 4 months to finish significant contributions. But I'm just a petty Jew I am O_O ~ 10:47, February 20, 2010 (UTC)

Five words that neither of us could have written, however - and he did ask nicely! Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 10:49, February 20, 2010 (UTC)

I think he meant it as a joke, but I'll stop being petty and go and ban someone instead :) ~ 11:07, February 20, 2010 (UTC)

Well, even a nicely-phrased joke deserves some reward I think. I need to find something to do as well - the missus is at work, the ferrets have gone back to sleep, I can't think of anything to write and it's probably too early to start drinking. Maybe I'll do and start a flamewar on Yahoo Answers or somewhere ;-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 11:18, February 20, 2010 (UTC)

Silent Spring

Hi. Have done a bit with Silent Spring, maybe a couple of more photos would do it. Thoughts? Do you think more writing would be needed for the page? Aleister in Chains 11:45 25 2 2MX

Wow - I'm impressed, especially with pictures. Did you make them? I wouldn't add any more images unless you decide to add more text because doing so is likely to crowd the page a bit. As for the text itself, what's already there is good so I don't think it needs any more, but if you have any good ideas for additions then do it. It's looking great. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 12:10, February 25, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks, and appreciated. No, got the pics from an uncy page while Random searching (I enjoy the random and come across some great pages and pics that way. For some Whoring, that's where I came by the Camera Obscura page nommed for VFH, imnho one of the best pages on the site). I like using pics which aren't used much on mainspace, makes the articles fresh. Agreed on text, except for a general clean-up and brief edit sweep I didn't change the language structure. Will go in now and highlight the opening statement somehow, to set it apart from the rest of the text. I'm not good with coloring text, will have to learn more about that. Thanks again, and keep away from the pesticide pies. ~   21:06 25 2 2MX

That explains it - I knew I'd seen the one with fox's head somewhere before. I'm not too hot on colouring or resizing text either so I just copy and paste the code other people have used and then find the html code for the colour I want using Photoshop -

like this

- if that's any help to you. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 13:26, February 26, 2010 (UTC)

Hamentaschen time!

I got a box in my backpack as we speak :). Happy Purim JT! May you drink until you do not remember your own name. ~ 14:05, February 26, 2010 (UTC)

Chag Purim Sameach! I've just been out to buy the ingredients I need to make them, along with several bottles of wine, except for poppy seeds - still got jarful left from year as they have no other purpose whatsoever (well, other than making more poppies). Incidentally, I can't actually remember my own name quite a lot of the time anyway, so I'll probably only need one glassful. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 14:15, February 26, 2010 (UTC)

Then you're already going in the right way! Now try to get EVERYONE around you to forget your name. Or theirs. ~ 14:21, February 26, 2010 (UTC)

So - are we organising a Grand Uncyclopedian Purim Piss-Up next year? I know you and I are the only Jewish regulars these days (with the occasional Kakun manifestation) but I'm sure the goyim will be up for it once they hear about all the drinking - and nobody can resist hamantaschen! Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 14:25, February 26, 2010 (UTC)

Hea you!

Yes, I was addressing you sir! I was just passing and remembered that you are our resident Raptor image manipulation expert. I was just wondering if you might think it fun to quickly knock up an image for this? It's not an article I have had any involvement in, I just thought you might fancy doing it as I know you already have the Raptors, and almost certainly some chainsaws lying around their house. I mean, who doesn't right? MrN 11:02, Feb 27

So making one raptor image makes me the recognised expert, does it? Blimey - if only getting a PhD was that easy! However, I shall take a look, and if I can't make one I'll just shave one of my ferrets and get it to hold a chainsaw (which, as it happens, I do happen to own - one can never be sure when one may be required to defend one's property from zombies/aggressive shrubs) in a menacing manner and take a photo. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 12:07, February 27, 2010 (UTC)

Not not sure it's a good idea to let your ferret have a go on your chainsaw, but maybe... Well, obviously you own a chainsaw. I had taken that as a given. I myself am currently looking forward to felling some furs for my parents in a few weeks actually... In addition, I'm a lumberjack, and I'm OK. MrN 12:19, Feb 27

Oh, is that what chainsaws are actually for?! I assumed they were originally for juggling with/scaring the crap out of your girlfriend (which is what mine mostly gets used for). Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 12:28, February 27, 2010 (UTC)

UnSignpost 25th February 2010 (It's not late your mum is)

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Feb 25th, 2010 • Issue 77 • Slurping the froth of Truth off the cappuccino of News

Games, games and more games! We have more games then you can poke a stick at! By POTR Is the games namespace 99.9% shit was the question elegantly asked by OptyC recently. A simple question that has sparked a storm in a teacup. While Uncyclopedia is, undoubtably, the pinnacle of fine parody, it has been suggested the this particular poor cousin of the Main space has been allowed to fall into disrepair and disrepute due to the influx of poorly crafted content. In the words of one editor Delete it. It's cruft and I'm not even sure if it qualifies as a parody namespace of anything on Wikipedia. However, despite the lack of quality content, a significant portion of users have requested that it remain in play, however it be improved by having a little tender loving care given to it, along with a more rigid amount of cruft huffing. As such, it is with open arms we welcome the inclusion into this realm of the new moderator of the Games namespace OptyC, who will be referred to going forward as the Game Master. Upon the announcement of this singularly spectacular accolade, Optyc's first words were Maybe I shoulda just kept my mouth shut, eh? Although much respect must be levelled his way at the way he has taken to his new role with much gusto, winnowing through the chaff to find the kernels of wheat available in there. For more information on these developments, visit Forum:The Games namespace. It's Alive! By Mordillo A new blow to the "democrats"/"liberals"/"whiny bitches" of Uncyclopedia, opposing the disputed hereditary law. Senior member of the non existent Cabal and editor-in-chief-in-absentia of this newspaper, UU has announced the birth of heiress to the throne, also known as UUette. UUette was reportedly born holding a scepter and a miniature ban hammer, wearing a crown and QVFD grade galoshes and waving frantically at the hysterical cheering masses. The non existent cabal promptly announced a reserved seat for UUette in the VFS round of 2026 as well as the prestigious position of "Noob of the Month". A shrouded spokesperson for the Cabal noted that "it would have been important for the Cabal, were it to exist, that the existing Cabal dynasty, especially one coming from such a quality genetic specimen such as UU, shall continue without disturbance. The Cabal is greatly pleased with UU and Mrs. UU for bolstering its numbers for the greater Cabal's good." Sporadic demonstration of support were noted around the Uncyclopedia realm, as supporters of the Cabal were seen with "DEAR UUette IS GREAT" and "ALL HAIL THE HEIR APPARENT" signs. So called "democratic"/"liberals"/"whiny bitches" protests were dealt with swiftly and efficiently. And from all of us in the UnSignpost here is one big congratulations UU, may your daughter have huge...errr..tracks of land.

Check out these pages! A very pointed question Something about penises? Damn this self-referential humour From our logs: sannse blocked EugeneKay with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (WILL YOU PLEASE STOP GETTING BLOCKED!) MrN9000 blocked 173.53.142.210 with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (HOWARD STERN IS *NOT* THE GREATEST. Steve Davis is considerably better for example. As is Burt Reynolds.) Under user 80.239.242.142 with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (me again - I see you're still a twat. have much longer to do something about that.) Biopic of the Week Puppy on the radio's signature has been a long and respectable member of the Uncyclopedia community for many months. Undergoing genetic manipulations and constant radiation bombardment, it now qualifies as a sentient entity by its own accord. The signature, expecting to be emancipated in the near future, indicated that it likes funny articles, men who are not afraid to be in touch with their feelings and long strolls on the beach. Mordillo's profound statement of the Week "I don't mind boobs" Source: User talk:MrN9000 Word of the Week Abodespotism IPA: /əˈbəʊˈdɛs.pɒt.ɪzəm/ the rule of a household despot; the exercise of absolute authority over the household. absolute power or control of all housemates; tyranny of shared living.(n) (eg. "While you live in my house you will abide by my rules.") Origin: Abode + Despotism Related forms: Ab⋅od⋅es⋅pot⋅ic  , Ab⋅od⋅esp⋅o⋅tis⋅tic, Ab⋅od⋅esp⋅o⋅tis⋅ti⋅cal, adjective Ab⋅od⋅esp⋅o⋅tist, noun Note: Often confused with Nespotism. Source: Undictionary Underwater Sea Monster Sighting of the Week Deep sea recent changes fishermen have been repeatedly reporting sightings of a huge scaled fire breathing creature, roaming the deep. Later on, the on call coast guard confirmed that this was a "once in a generation sighting of Ogopogo. Ogopogo, a mythical see creature than has been tamed by the Cabal many generations ago, has been lost for decades but now apparently decided to come back and check what's for dinner. Tsunami waves are expected all across the pond for the next few weeks. Administrative Notification of the Week Uncyclopedia's management would like to thank all participants of the 2nd Dubai Uncyclocon and would like to emphasize that it takes no responsibility for the excessive usage of forged passports. Please, people, try to be more discreet next time eh?

9001(bot)  20:56, Feb 28

Kvetching

I got a bizarre request from someone who is looking for a crash course in Hebrew in the London area. Got any tips? ~ 16:29, March 1, 2010 (UTC)

Drive around the M25 really fast while reading the Hebrew Torah and not looking out of the window? MrN 19:14, Mar 1

Meh, it's been done already. ~ 19:20, March 1, 2010 (UTC)

Nothing off the top of my head, but Google reveals these that might be worth looking into. The Communicaid one with the post code EC3A 5BU is Central London, near Aldgate and Fenchurch Street tube stations so it'd be easy to get to. The Bank of England and the Gherkin are both nearby too if your friend fancies site-seeing). The Grade 1 listed Bevis Marks Synagogue, oldest shul to be still in use in the UK, is in the area too if he or she fancies having a look/doing a bit of davening (or whatever the Sephardim do instead, it being a Sephardic synagogue) while in the area - it's also not too far to Stamford Hill if he or she needs kosher food. If he or she wants to go a bit further afield, Communicaid's other course in Cheltenham is about 140km from London (you could do the trip by train with no problems). Cheltenham is quite close to Stonehenge and Avebury, should he or she fancy seeing British sites of worship a fair bit older than Bevis Marks. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 12:57, March 2, 2010 (UTC)

UnSignpost 4th March 2010 (your calendar is wrong)

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Only Newspaper That Is Not Controlled By The Cabal Who Are You What Are You Doi- AAAAHHHHH

Mar 4th, 2010 • Issue 78 • Snorting the drug of Truth from the toilet seat of News

Controversy over Uncyclopedian leads journalist to public outcry By Him again The "of the Month" nominations and celebrations have been marred recently by drama circulating in forums, talk pages and on vote pages in various areas. Fortunately, whenever and wherever a drama has reared its ugly head an Unsignpost reporter has been there to cover it. Why do I need to provide this? is now experiencing his second week of not having been nominated for anything. After mentioning to a respected editor that he had been nominated for at least one award for almost every day he had been part of the Uncyclopedia community, he bemoaned the fact that he had not been nominated for anything this month. "I've been nommed for something EVERY SINGLE DAY of the five months I've been here--until this month. I'm not nommed for anything. It's pretty depressing, really." Why? complained As a result of this complaining, Why? was then nominated for an award that had been more respected in the breach then in the observance - to paraphrase the bard - Nomination of the Month. When, after a series of events, Roman Dog Bird felt obliged to nominate Aleister in Chains' Nomination for NOTM of PuppyOnTheRadio's nomination for NOTM of Why do I need to provide this?'s nomination of PuppyOnTheRadio for UGotM, he simply stated "This is a stupid award." Meanwhile, at UotM, discussion over the number of awards given out led to an obvious discussion about the worth of RotM and UotM, which of course led, as all conversational roads do, to the hugely popular and debatably talented Dan Brown, not to be confused with Dan Kwon, as we aren't quite sure who he is. The debate got unexpectedly heated when a talented and handsome editor suggested that another less talented editor should perform carnal and bestial acts with random household appliances. Remember to cast your vote in AotM, PotM, RotM, NotM and WotM, or nominate the uncyc member that has impressed you most in these areas. And of course, always remember Mordillo's words, "This one is for people who made Uncyclopedia better by cleaning up shop, helping people and allow Uncyclopedia to wobble around without falling over." Vote today. Or tomorrow - depending on if you have the time. Vote for Sandwiches suspended, Uncyclopedians confused By UU Confusion reigned supreme in Uncyclopedia this month, as the ever-popular Vote for Sandwiches page was inexplicably protected, and changed to something that appears to be called "Vote for Sysops". Historical investigation by our fearless mascot DogNewspaper has revealed that this is actually the traditional process by which new sysops are selected on Uncyc - which came as a surprise to many editors, particularly the newer ones, many of whom didn't realise new sysops could be selected. And with the current vote count standing at 6 in favour, and with few regularly active sysops left to vote, it looks like the chances are that there will be new sysops by the end of this month - so time to start deciding who you're gonna nominate! Who will be the next to have a thousand IPs ask them on their talkpage why they deleted their useless little one-line stub? Stay tuned to find out?

Check out these pages! Heh - poopy Haven't we been here before? Hang on - writing articles? There's an idea... From our logs: 02:36, 1 March 2010 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked 153.107.33.156 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (Cyberbullying: I'm guessing that's what you are trying to do. If so, you are shit at it.) 14:57, 2 March 2010 Todd Lyons (Talk | contribs) blocked {contr|207.144.173.198}} (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (Anti-semitism + stupidity = my foot + your butt) 19:05, 2 March 2010 Zim ulator (Talk | contribs) blocked 66.211.39.160 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Vandal: Why don't you go to concervapedia, and ask them if Jesus loves you. I say, He doesn't.) 18:32, 2 March 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 87.114.246.12 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (blanking by installments is still blanking. and blanking makes baby jesus cry. it also pisses me off, and that's far worse.) Biopic of the Week Is it actually legal to have two Portsmouth fans on the same wiki? The subject of this week's spotlight, Nachlader cared not a jot for this important question when he joined Codeine as Uncyc's second Pompey fan. Nachlader is an occasional drunk poster in the dump, a former NotM and RotM and, lest we forget, the writer of some very fine featured articles. Shame no-one can spell his username though. Old-school featured article of the month Smells Like Teen Spirit was a monthly celebrity scratch and sniff magazine produced by Grunge Publications in the early 1990's. Beckoning a time of true periodical change, young women aged eighteen to twenty-two decided that merely looking upon their favourite celebrities no longer hot-buttered their ever-so-proverbial muffins and collectively proclaimed, "Here we are... now entertain us." Perhaps it was something in the way these determined ladies phrased this proclamation, or simply the fact that Grunge perceived a lucrative sliver of the niche market that was girls who wanted to smell things, but the call was swiftly answered with a glossy, uniquely olfactory experience hailed as "a Nirvana for the nostrils" that became the unofficial scent of Generation X.

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9001(bot)  00:13, Mar 6

Oops

Yeah, I didn't mean to do that, I was aiming my plunger at the replaced page above it and missed, I just decided to fix that vandalism before I went back and cleared up my own mess. My new mouse seems to need inertia to move across the screen. Thanks for keeping an eye out. --ChiefjusticePS2 15:53, March 6, 2010 (UTC)

Oh yes - I've done that plenty of times myself! Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 15:54, March 6, 2010 (UTC)

O vey!

Did you see that? • FreddThe Metalhedd • • • 22:36 • Saturday, 6-03-2010

I did, and it couldn't have come at a better time because I had a heated discussion with somebody about the Lemba a few weeks ago. I find them absolutely fascinating and their claims to be Jews have been more than enough to convince me that they are ever since I first heard of them, whereas the person I was arguing with disputed that they even exist and claimed that if they do, they muct have adopted outside influences and cannot really be Jews - so I rather hope he's reading the recent stories and thinking, "Oy, looks like that hippy I was talking to the other week was right all along!" I suspect some parts of Jewish society and going to be fairly resistant to them, however - there's a very unpleasant section that refuses to believe it's possible to be both black and Jewish. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 08:39, March 7, 2010 (UTC)

Indeed. You know, many Africans try to sneak into Israel from Egypt, claiming to be the lost Jews, some are, most aren't. They would most likely be treated as second class citizens in Israel, but yeah, anything is better than their famine/war striken homeland.. Yeah, anyway, shooting at those guys has become the favourite pastime of Egyptian border guards.. Saddening. • FreddThe Metalhedd • • • 14:49 • Sunday, 7-03-2010

The way things are going with the right wingers creeping back into power in the EU, it won't be too long before the poor sods are getting shot at as they try to land on the coasts of Southern Europe either. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 18:48, March 7, 2010 (UTC)

Right wing Christians eventually rising to power in the West, Islamic extremist in the East and Jews in between: we're fucked, man. If shit doesn't sort itself out, we'll be heading for another World War before 2020.. And Atheists, man, they kidnapped my dog! • FreddThe Metalhedd • • • 20:52 • Sunday, 7-03-2010

Yeah, anyway, lets not talk politics. Lets talk boobs instead. Boobs are nice. Politics isn't. • FreddThe Metalhedd • • • 22:26 • Sunday, 7-03-2010

BOOBIES!!! lol!!!1111!!!!!111||111!!!! Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 12:48, March 8, 2010 (UTC)

36 C CUP!!1!!!1!OMGWTFCheddarBBQ!!!1!• FreddThe Metalhedd • • • 15:21 • Monday, 8-03-2010

You know about bra sizes. That means you're GAY!!!!!111111lol1111lol!!! Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 15:28, March 8, 2010 (UTC)

UnSignpost 11th March 2010

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

I love it when the news comes together

Mar 11th, 2010 • Issue 79 • Making the New York Times look shabby since 2008

Investigative journalist looks in to the cabal; Shocking discovery By PuppyOnTheRadio For years a dreadful mystery has hung over Uncyclopedia. Rumours of a cabal have dogged Uncyclopedia, suggesting that there is a shadowy, mysterious group behind administrative decisions that have guided the hands of Uncyclopedia policy and procedure since the time of it's inception. Many veiled references have been made to this cabal, however until now there has been no real investigative attempts to uncover the shocking truth about the cabal. However, despite this, one plucky rookie journalist has decided that the truth must be free, and an investigation into the cabal has been undertaken. Investigating this it appears that the rumours relating to a cabal have come from numerous sources. In investigating this there were a number of dead ends, including pages that appear to have been deleted with no history. One source has come forward to expose the truth about the cabal. Under threat of repercussion, this source has been asked to be known simply as Deep Throat. Upon interviewing this source the following shocking truth has been discovered! There is no cabal. Any rumours about a supposed cabal are completely untrue. Any suggested sources are in fact fictional and have no veracity behind them. There is no shadowy, mysterious force guiding Uncyclopedia. As I, as a respected journalist, have now been made well aware of the non-existence of this cabal, I am now comfortable to retire my journalistic career. I will shortly be taking a long trip to a very remote location where there is no phone or internet access and will choose to never write again. I may even go to Antarctica. But most importantly, there is not now, nor never has been, a cabal. A useful HowTo? does not compute! By UU Writing UnNews just got a whole lot easier, after UnNews kingpin Zim ulator, Zionist control freak Mordillo and sucker for punishment workhorse SPIKE got together to completely rewrite HowTo:Tune up an UnNews article. Featuring novel ideas (that they got from a novel) such as helpful advice, up-to-date references, and words in the right order, the article is so preposterously useful that it may have to be deleted, as it clearly contravenes Uncyclopedia's mission statement. If there were a Cabal (which, as the above article clearly establishes beyond doubt, there isn't), it would encourage you to read it and never write a bad UnNews again.

Check out these pages! Pruning dead wood MrN's power trip continues, and something about a usergroup Has someone taken the piss? From our logs: 00:09, 10 March 2010 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 75.47.145.114 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (I shit on you, you emotionally unstable little twat. Why would you even come here?) 18:33, 9 March 2010 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked 69.150.243.254 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (So... Because you hate the CIA you vandalise the article about them on Uncyclopedia? Good thinking batman. That will stop em! Try again.... Later (obviously)) 09:19, 9 March 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 202.189.75.214 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (you are right: Twilight does suck. however, so does page blanking, which means you yourself are full of as much fail as Twilight. consider that, and then weep.) 22:08, 8 March 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 168.99.135.251 (Talk) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (obviously we're not getting through here. Go away and grow a cactus, then sit on it. Repeate step 2 several times. ) Biopic of the Week If this issue of the UnSignpost has reached your talk page, it's very likely to be thanks to the unstinting efforts of paperbot MrN9001. He's been schlepping around this wiki for over a year now, delivering this very slab of journalistic goodness, replacing templates, reverting stuff, making tiny but doubtless vital changes to pages, and generally taking care of all the stuff MrN himself is just too bone idle to do. What the hell would we do without him? Admin answer of the Week Shijiati: Why did you huff my page? Codeine: Because it sucked. Any questions, folks? Horoscope of the Week *Taurus (April 20 - May 20) - You have many great strengths, but taken too far they can become liabilities. For instance, your honesty can become rudeness, your bravery can become foolhardiness, and your taste for human flesh can become criminal cannibalism. For the rest of this week's 'scopes, see here.

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9001(bot)  11:05, Mar 12

Percy Jackson and the Olympians

Thank's for leaving me a message. Can you please add and edit the page I made, I would totally appreciate it if you did! Thank's for telling me this, my friend edit some, but I'll try more Thanks – Preceding unsigned comment added by TheVioletBaudelaire (talk • contribs)

Yep, no problem. I'll have a look at it later. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 11:11, March 17, 2010 (UTC)

OK, I've cleared it up a bit - not too many bad spellings etc. I can't really add anything, however, as I'm entirely unfamiliar with the subject; but when you do let me know and I'll have another look. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 15:58, March 19, 2010 (UTC)

UnSignpost 18th March 2010 (on time as always)

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper Whose Mom Said It Was Cool!

Mar 18th, 2010 • Issue 80 • Hold the line! News isn't always on time!

VFS: it begins By UU As exclusively reported in your super soaraway UnSignpost last week, the voting process for new Uncyclopedia sysops has begun, and so it's time for Signpost mascot and never-popular running joke DogNewspaper to give the traditional unbiased Signpost rundown of the candidates. Leading the popular vote at present is long-serving poopsmith and kvetcher RabbiTechno, gaining a seemingly unassailable lead by being helpful, friendly and competent, and by promising to bake cakes for all who vote for him - a ploy which may well have snared the support of more than just the odd swing voter. In a comfortable position just behind the Rabbi is lengthily-monikered Belgian workhorse Sockpuppet of an unregistered user, the joint Uncyclopedian of the Year for 2009, who seems to be gathering followers by being helpful, competent, friendly, and doing loads and loads of stuff. This cunning stratagem has obviously endeared him to the denizens of this wiki, who seem to be propelling him towards having his own banstick. But hold on, who's this coming up stealthily behind Socky? Why, it's pee review supremo and scourge of vandals everywhere ChiefjusticeDS! The Chief is steadily accumulating backers through the cunning tactic of being competent, helpful and friendly. He also rules PEEING with an iron fist, and spends inordinate amounts of time cleaning and tidying up the place, facts that have led to him coming within striking distance of the leaders in what appears to be a three-horse race. One thing is clear from this - all 3 of the most popular candidates appear to be helpful and friendly, which this newspaper finds unacceptable - where is the next Famine going to come from? where will we find an admin willing to infiban users and delete all their articles just for looking at someone the wrong way, or for being Kip the Dip? Also nominated, and receiving some support are current Writer of the Year and greatest person in the history of all things ever Hyperbole, diplomat by Uncyc appointment to all religions Optimuschris, canine broadcaster and damn fine journalist PuppyOnTheRadio, allcaps-named VFD machine SPIKE, confirmed female on the internets Zana Dark, easy-to-spell feature-machine Guildensternenstein and jaded old-timer Necropaxx. Other people have been nominated without recording a score as yet, but as this article is already long enough to have the editor wondering how many filler boxes he can dream up for the right-side panel this week, they just appear as a brief list: Mnbvcxz, Cajek, Gerrycheevers, Syndrome, The Woodburninator, Why do I need to provide this?, Charitwo and some bloke called Mhaille. Will any of them pick up a sympathy vote before the end of voting round 2? Positions vacant. By PuppyOnTheRadio The Imperial Colonization is a long standing organisation that has for years been at the cutting edge of creativity of articles for one of the world's most respected websites: Uncyclopedia. Due to a period of unprecedented growth during a time of economic downturn, as most of our members are otherwise unemployed, we are looking for a new assistant to the head of IC. This is a fantastic opportunity for you to work from home. Your daily duties will include: Telling writers that they should be working on the latest colonisation Ensuring that changes to current colonisation are consistent with the theme Telling writers to stop wasting time on other projects and get back to the current colonisation Vetting new applicants to IC to ensure they are of the quality needed Telling writers that they should really be working on IC Going insane with power (optional) The relevant applicant will have: Significant experience in editing and writing articles for feature Preferably have worked on IC or in a related field The ability to tell writers that they should really get back to the current project, as it needs to be completed by the 20th of March. A fluffy teddy called Norman (optional, but preferred) This is a rare opportunity. The successful applicant will become next in line to take over the reins of IC when the current head gets sick of it retires. You will be paid in the half feature credit when a colonised article gets featured, as well as being able to call yourself the assistant to the head of Imperial Colonisation. To apply, contact Why do I need to provide this? here.

Check out these pages! UnNews is revolting! Shit happens Bandwagons also happen, inevitably Oh noes, Aussie lawyers - could we be DOOMED? Opinions required From our logs: 08:26, 17 March 2010 Zim ulator (Talk | contribs) blocked 96.28.232.175 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Vandal: Oh my, you are just so fucking witty. With wits like that, who needs enemas?) 18:53, 16 March 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Hyperactive-Sausage (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (enjoy your complimantary penis) 00:21, 16 March 2010 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 99.251.242.153 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 year ‎ (I THINK 99.251.242.153 SHOULD BURN OR HAVE TO PAY FOR OXYGEN, fuckin fuirt, KILL 99.251.242.153) 12:30, 12 March 2010 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked 212.219.247.129 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 year ‎ (Cyberbullying: and generally being a retard. Let's get this right... You call your friend Gay, but you like editing the Powerpuff Girls page? Think about that...) Biopic of the Week We at the UnSignpost pride ourselves on profiling only the finest Uncyclopedians. So how in the hell has it taken us 80 issues to get around to profiling Zana Dark? A self-confessed female and all-round smartass, Zana has been on this wiki for years, bringing her uniquely feminine touch to the Uncyclopedia Legal Department and a whole bunch of impressive rewrites. She's also been WotM for writing funny articles about flashing beaver, tits, and butter, proving conclusively that she knows exactly how to appeal to the sensibilities of the largely male Uncyc userbase. Old-School Featured Article of the Week Illegal Aliens from Outer Space! (1959) was a fact-based horror film that played in drive-in movie theaters across America. It is widely lauded for opening the eyes of an entire generation of movie patrons to the blood-curdling terror of a heterogeneous nation. Filmed in Super Black 'n' White-O-Vision, with monophonic sound recorded in Mono-O-Phon-O-Sound, Illegal Aliens from Outer Space! proved to be a blockbuster that far exceeded the director's humble expectations. The movie's potent real-life lessons held patrons enrapt, while its documentary film-style distracted horny teens, protecting them from the joys of second base for the duration of the action-packed second and third acts of the film. Reason to leave Uncyc #341 Modusoperandi won't quit hoggin' the shower. Obligatory Filler Box of the Week When you absolutely positively gotta have an extra line or so to balance out the UnSignpost - accept no substitute! Horoscope of the Week Pisces (Feb. 19 - March 19) - This week, you will say words that are complete nonsense to you because you think they identify a particular culture that you otherwise completely ignore, but that no one of that culture actually ever says. B'gosh and begorrah. For the rest of this week's 'scopes, see here.

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9001(bot)  11:50, Mar 18

UN:POOP

Lol. I'm not sure you ever did any poopsmithing from the lounge did ya? HeHe. You're meant to move em over to VFD if you think they are good noms! Not vote on em on the pooping page! That's after kicking puppy in the balls first for not just using the VFD page himself. Votes don't count for VFD unless they are made on VFD, and the lounge is meant to new users and IPs. Not UotM nominations... We have {{pooped}} to help with poopsmithing... MrN 12:37, Mar 18

I assumed Puppy wasn't sure whether or not they were VFDable, and while I think they are I was hoping to get a third opinion. If that didn't happen within an hour or so - which is probable, since nobody uses the Lounge - I was going to add them to VFD. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 12:42, March 18, 2010 (UTC)

Well as poopsmith YOU HAVE THE POWER!!!! *cough* You just can't include a vote which was not made on VFD on VFD. That's kinda my point really, though that {{pooped}} thing kinda helps with that... MrN 12:47, Mar 18

Yes, you have a point re. votes made elsewhere not counting on VFD, I suppose. Maybe I'll shift 'em over now. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 12:48, March 18, 2010 (UTC)

One question - in the case of games, do I need to go through all the constituent parts adding the VFD tag to all pages or can I add it to the first page alone? Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 12:55, March 18, 2010 (UTC)

In the past people have just added it to the "main game page" whatever that is. The main issue is that a link to where to find all the pages to huff is included somewhere. Normally People link to the main game page at the top, and include a link to the prefex pages in the comment. MrN 13:03, Mar 18

Good - I really couldn't be bothered with adding it to all of them. As one of them appears not to have a main page, I'll leave the VFD entries as links to the prefix lists. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 13:05, March 18, 2010 (UTC)

whitby past present and future

i have corrected most of the spelling but unfortunatly punctuation is not my strong point. thanks nm

No worries - I've got quite a bit of stuff to do this afternoon, but I'll take a look tomorrow and fix anything you've missed. By the way, sign comments on talkpages/forums etc. with four tildes, like this: ~~~~ :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 15:06, March 19, 2010 (UTC)

There you go - I had a bit more time than I thought. If you find a picture to replace the placeholder bit and add anything else, I'll give you a hand with formatting the page too. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 15:43, March 19, 2010 (UTC)

Percy Jackson

Thank's, it means a lot! – Preceding unsigned comment added by TheVioletBaudelaire (talk • contribs)

Happy to be of service - I'll have another look after you've added more. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 15:32, March 20, 2010 (UTC)

Forty Horsemen

Hi, I'm the guy who made the forty horseman page. I'm not done with it yet, so give me a little while. I'm going to try to add some pics, but of course I have to make sure they're not copywrited photos. Also, the story is only half done, so anyway, I should have things looking good in seven days. – Preceding unsigned comment added by Jbryant (talk • contribs)

Good stuff. Don't take the ICU personally - they're intended to act as a guide when new articles are created, so if you're already planning to do the stuff I suggested you can ignore it. If you wish, remove the tag and replace it with {{construction}} instead - this will give it a similar stay of execution and prevent anyone from deleting it before you've finished. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 17:27, March 21, 2010 (UTC)

QVFD Mistake

Hey I accentually added Armchairs to QVFD. Im going to remove it but I just wanted to tell you because I saw the warning. — The Rift (grumble) MUN CPT DAD 21:26, March 24, 2010 (UTC)

BE WARNED, NEW USER, LEST THEE INCUR THE WRATH OF THE RABBI! Anyway, I'd say don't worry too much about it, good to see you helping out more than anything. Everyone messes up at some point. – Preceding unsigned comment added by ChiefjusticeDS (talk • contribs)

Thanks, it seems that referring people to ban patrol and patroling the new pages for QVFD material are my strengths.— The Rift (grumble) MUN CPT DAD 21:37, March 24, 2010 (UTC)

Don't venture into the dark side, young padwan. We need writers who can drive the empire back! ~ 21:41, March 24, 2010 (UTC)

But the dark side seems so.... charming. Im still trying to think of ways to expand my current article(s) but I keep drawing up blanks. — The Rift (grumble) MUN CPT DAD 21:43, March 24, 2010 (UTC)

Write featured articles you must, do or do not there is no try --ChiefjusticePS2 21:45, March 24, 2010 (UTC)

Chief, I am your uncle. ~ 21:46, March 24, 2010 (UTC)

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! It's not possible!! --ChiefjusticePS2 21:47, March 24, 2010 (UTC)

My uncle is a puppy who is on a raid, i think. My family is still a bit confused about up at the time. — The Rift (grumble) MUN CPT DAD 21:52, March 24, 2010 (UTC)

CCome to the dark side. Chief and I are waiting...and watching. (Psst, he fooled me into this!)—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 01:51, March 25, 2010 (UTC)

I hear the dark side has cookies — The Rift (grumble) MUN CPT DAD 01:53, March 25, 2010 (UTC)

I do that all the time. Don't worry too much if you do it again - just explain what you're up to in the edit summary when you remove it or use the <s> and </s> code to strike out whatever you've added, followed by "- added in error ~~~~" or what have you. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 07:56, March 25, 2010 (UTC)

UnSignpost 25th March 2010 (hand delivered for added flavour)

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Only Newspaper That Is Not Controlled By The Cabal Who Are You What Are You Doi- AAAAHHHHH

Mar 25th, 2010 • Issue 81 • So full of news, our news-gut hangs over our news-jeans

VFS reaches third and final round, Uncyclopedians bored to tears By UU And so the bloated process that is VFS stumbles drunkenly into its third and final stage. All the chaff - that is, those polling low numbers of votes - has been mercilessly pruned, and the wheat - Chief, Rabbi and Socky - is now being sifted carefully by the admins. And the UnSignpost once more devotes precious space to covering it, even though most Uncyclopedians, with their reduced attention spans, got bored of it weeks ago. Once again, the Rabbi appears to be in pole position, and there are rumours that Mordillo is already preparing him a traditional Jewish banstick, such is his current lead. Meanwhile, Sock and Chief are neck-and-neck for the second slot, polling three votes each currently. When he interviewed himself for this article, lazy journalist UU exclusively told us: "this reflects well on the site - we have three great, very strong candidates, any and all of whom would do a great job if opped. And a number of those who didn't make it to round 3 will probably make a much stronger showing next time. If there is a next time." All that remains now is to see how the final few days affect the vote, and who finally gets the supreme honour of being able to go delete every single page of shitloads of crappy games that have been nommed on VFD, and the like. Joins us next week for the "From Our Logs" new admin special, when we analyse their first bans, and watch as these new admins mercilessly ban the unlucky loser and abuse their new powers flagrantly. Hopefully. Top 5 Of-The-Months Become 90% Cheesier By CheddarBBQ Well known and completely badass user CheddarBBQ, known for his increasing his own self-image, and for being one of the coolest guys ever, has now set a record by being nommed for all four "big" nominations in the same month. Even more impressive, he has been nommed for these four without doing much of anything deserving of awards (besides the aforementioned alleged coolness and/or badassedness). The always tasty Eyetallyan snackfood has been able to hold tightly to last place in each one of these all month. When asked about his newfound record, the great man/food had this to say: "I always knew I was special. The bag of cheese curls that I referred to as "Mommy" for 15 years would tell me so on a regular basis. Also, suck it bitchez." Of course the amazing record-breaker would think well of himself, so we went elsewhere, to question his adopted son, Momo. When asked about the excitement over the record, Momo claimed, "Papa De La Rosa is, like, the greatest dad ever, I used to have so much fun with him when I was little. Ya know, he once left me inside an oven when I was a baby, went for a beer and got me out the following morning. That was fun, I'm tellin' ya. And when I was 4, he left me in an amusement park, went for a beer and came to pick me up a whole week later. I spent that week with that nice guy who kept touching my ass.. Good times.. When I was 7, he took me for a beer. And by the age of 14, we were running our small liquor-smuggling business.. Oh yeah, he's a great guy." Curiously, his comment did not much relate to the matter at hand, yet it was deemed necessary to include it anyway. It appears to be abundantly clear that Cheddar is a marvel of a man whom we can all look up to. In other news, it appears that Don Chedds is about to set another record by being the first Uncyclopedian to drastically lose all five major awards in one month. It appears to be abundantly clear that Cheddar is a marvel of a man whom we can all look up to. Here's to you, CheddarBBQ. Oh yeah, and some other people had something to do with it as well. Note: The writer of this article has decided that a fact check as to whether or not either of these are true records would be unnecessary.

Check out these pages! Screw you, smartasses Something to do with politics, I think We have a history, but is that anything worth celebrating? From our logs: 23:47, 23 March 2010 Zim ulator (Talk | contribs) blocked Dakotah0 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Being a Dick: Fucking n00bs, editing the UnNews Main Page.... what do you think this is, rimjob? Wikipedia?) 09:16, 23 March 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 69.162.71.154 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 year ‎ (stop being so full of fail. seriously, did you have a fail transplant or something? that's a serious fail supply you carry round with you.) 05:14, 22 March 2010 Roman Dog Bird blocked TheUnUncyclopedian with an expiry time of infinite (Have you ever tried to cum in your mouth? I did. I couldn't go through with it though. No way was I going to eat my cum. What the fuck was I thinking? True story.) Biopic of the Week Tell you what, let's do a bio of someone who's won the WotM award this year - how's that sound? Splendid, knew you'd like it. And you'll like the guy we've chosen too: Nameable. How can you not? He's friendly, cuddly (we're told), and capable of writing a funny article about Corn Flakes. That's pretty much as good as it gets, right there. Unless you have some kind of Corn Flake aversion, but then, if you do, you're beyond help. Probably. Day of the Week A glut of Sasquatch-related UnNews stories led the very Reverend Zim to declare March 24th Sasquatch Appreciation Day. He celebrated by spamming a template around a few talk pages. Do those sasquatches appreciators know how to party or what? Old school featured article of the Week Sexual innuendo is a hard topic to stay abreast of. As a humor tool, it stands erect in the English language. While there are no hard and fast rules as to what constitutes sexual innuendo, many people have mass-debated over the topic, and now the general principles at the root of the topic are firm and well-rounded. However, full penetration of the subject requires that the reader take a long, hard look at the target and be a cunning linguist in order to avoid limp phrases and imbibe the phrase with a large handful of meanings. The topic can become hot by attempting to grasp it, and the more one experiments with it, the more interested they become. Also, as the language changes innuendos must change in order to fill the newly created holes and satisfy listeners.

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--ChiefjusticePS2 22:25, March 25, 2010 (UTC)

You need the practice

Because there's just the slightest, barely remote chance that you'll be made an admin, I thought I'd give you some practice with the sort of questions us non-admin types ask admins. Ahem.

Is there a policy on Uncyclopedia that we can't use articles that appeared somewhere else as long as they aren't copyrighted or are under a Creative Commons license, and we identify them as being from somewhere else? After all, we ripoff borrow images all the time. The reason I'm asking is I might want to tie in an already existing, kopyleft article to one some friends and I are putting together. Our article would be original, but I'm thinking about putting the other one up too. User:Why do I need to provide this?/sig7 02:21, March 26, 2010 (UTC)

To the best of my knowledge, and provided the article is as you say copyleft/copyright free and so on, it's absolutely fine - we do in fact have a template which I believe is intended for articles "sporked" from elsewhere, which is here. There used to be quite a few borrowed articles in the earlier days of Uncyc, but most of them have been replaced by original writing now. Like I say, this is very much as far as I know, so check with someone who knows the technicalities if you want to make sure. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 10:55, March 26, 2010 (UTC)

I would put it down to sporking as a basis to an article = good, plagiarism = bad this is not my talk page but I see all ~ 11:14, March 26, 2010 (UTC)

That's roughly what I assumed. So, in other words, 'Dillo confirms that doing what you plan to do is fine. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 11:19, March 26, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks for the go ahead! Also I am such a whore using a Rabbi signature on the talk page of a Rabbi who will probably soon become an admin User:Why do I need to provide this?/sig7 19:45, March 26, 2010 (UTC)

Arabic numerals

I have some more on Arabic numerals. These ideas were excerpted from an op-ed-sized piece (which no one has taken) on the subject. I'll rework it and add to the Uncyclopedia article.

I discovered Uncyclopedia just yesterday when I googled Hindemith. Hilarious Hindemith entry.

HCEarwiggherd aka Rev. H. Carlton Earwiggherd aka H. C. Earwicker aka Samuel Reifler – Preceding unsigned comment added by User:HCEarwiggherd (talk • contribs)

Good! I'll look forward to reading the completed article. If you want to ask anything about formatting it, feel free. Finally, sign posts on userpages/talkpages with four tildes, ~~~~ - and welcome to Uncyclopedia. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 13:01, March 28, 2010 (UTC)

A Goy's Guide to Passover

Just had an idea for an article--a Gentile, probably well-intentioned, gets it all wrong. What think? I know it's rather late for such an idea. (I'm posting this on Mordillo's page too). User:Why do I need to provide this?/sig7 03:58, March 29, 2010 (UTC)

I'm sure it has potential - Passover and the seder are relatively complex so there's plenty of opportunity to mess it up. Make a start and I'll have a look and see what I can do to help you. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 13:29, March 29, 2010 (UTC)

Mordillo posted he likes the idea and wants to talk about it with you. I would be happy to help with it, but don't feel qualified to lead it.

I have a confession to make, here, though. My suddenly posting more message on your talk page is actually not because you're likely to become an admin and I'm doing the kissing up thing (OK, so maybe my post asking you a question as a possible future admin was exactly that, but this isn't.). I'm still trying to get my creative best friend, who happens to be a real Jew and not a fake one like I am, to sign up here. We've had long discussions about the Jewish religion and holidays, and I keep trying to woe him into signing up here. If I can get him excited about an article, maybe I'll get him to join.

Also here's a stupid riddle I just made up:

Q. What do you call a non-Jewish homosexual man?

A. A goy gay guy.

--User:Why do I need to provide this?/sig7

I may not be around much

We've had a death in the family, so I don't know when I'll be around for the next week, at least. Would you mind checking occasionally UnNews to see if everything's OK? Thanks. Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 14:38, March 29, 2010 (UTC)

Happy PAssover

I bow before your adminship greatness. Chag Sameach! ~ 23:14, March 30, 2010 (UTC)

As do I. Congratulations Rabbi. --ChiefjusticePS2 23:18, March 30, 2010 (UTC)

It's a Jewish conspira-*HELPME is shot suddenly*—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 23:42, March 30, 2010 (UTC)

Congratulations! • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Wednesday, 00:56, Mar 31 2010

Wait, a Jew becomes an admin AT THE BEGINNING OF PASSOVER? Oh My God I'm the first born! Quick, throw some blood on the front door! (Seriously, congrats!). User:Why do I need to provide this?/sig10 User:Why do I need to provide this?/sig7 01:50, March 31, 2010 (UTC)

Congratulations, father rabbi imam uhh one of them. --nldr 01:53, March 31, 2010 (UTC)

"Chag Pesach Kasher veSameach!" See that? I'm Jewish, really. Happy Mazda balls and stuff. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  02:51, March 31, 2010 (UTC)

Thankyou one and all - it occurred to me that becoming an admin at the start of Passover seemed apt, too. I plan on using my new powers only for good etc. etc. etc., so expect to all get banned forthwith. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 09:36, March 31, 2010 (UTC)

I wish to make a complaint about this Rabbi Techno cunt admin

He's a vile person who will abuse his power to further the Vegan Jewish conspiracy. I sure you will understand Modusoperandi. /me remembers that daytime drinking should be curbed--Sycamore (Talk) 16:49, March 31, 2010 (UTC)

I agree fully. He's an utter bastard who needs to be stopped before he deletes the entire wiki. Not that that would necessarily be a bad thing. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 16:51, March 31, 2010 (UTC)

At my current seven pints, I'm almost ready to tell you I love you. I'm far too lucid now though, I must now edit things all over the place irresponsibly;)--Sycamore (Talk) 16:55, March 31, 2010 (UTC)

You told me that the other night, remember? You don't remember...? I'm beginning to think you only said it so I'd agree to do, erm, that thing you said you've always wanted to do. Oh, and by the way, I found your watch this morning after I'd been to the toilet. It was up there after all. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 16:57, March 31, 2010 (UTC)

Congratulations on becoming an admin Rabbi Techno. Are you going to have a House Party to celebrate?--RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 17:17, March 31, 2010 (UTC)

House? As in the genre? I'm not gay, you know! Thanks for the congratulations though! :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 17:19, March 31, 2010 (UTC)

I'm not scared of you.

You're not so scary, Mr. Big Tough Admin Guy. --Pleb SYNDROME _{CUN medicate (butt poop!!!!)} 06:10, April 1, 2010 (UTC)

Nope, not in the slightest. Also, "Big" - indisputably, but it's all fat; "Tough" - only if you mean chewy; "Admin" - yes, can't argue with that one; "Guy" - only until I've saved enough for the operation. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 06:25, April 1, 2010 (UTC)

Quote pls kthxbai

As we at the ideas-starved UnSignpost are about to run with our 4th VFS story in as many weeks, can I please have a quote from you on your new status and your intentions as far as rampant power abuse and destroying the system from within goes? --UU - natter 09:50, Apr 1

Just mention the fact that I'm willing to accept bribes for huffing articles, banning users, replacing pages with goatse and so on and plan to become as corrupt as possible in as short a time as possible. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 09:53, April 1, 2010 (UTC)