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Today's featured article may overheat your computer if you try to see it The Lockheed Martin Nuclear Attack Force and Creators of All Things Aerial and Destructive Corporation, often shortened to read Lockheed Martin Corporation, sometimes Lunkhead Moron Corporation, or even just Lockheed Martin, is an American offense defense company with the singular goal of designing weapons that can more easily turn a person into a fine red mist for the low cost of $5,000,000 per shot. Lockheed Martin is considered the holy grail of job opportunities for anyone interested in engineering, math, ethics, or just the opportunity to obliterate things. They are most well known for their consumer products including the F-22 Raper, the Orion-class spaceships, the C-130 Hunkules, and most notably "Project Pat" missiles. (Full article...) Recently featured: Bill Clinton Buffalo Bills UnGames:Garlic bread Orchid Archive · Vote for featured articles · You can wait for your favorite articles to be featured. You're in for a long night!! Download article feed plugin for Google Desktop edit Selected anniversaries April 6: Arson Wednesday (New Zealand) 612 - Arab popstar Mohammed declares he is "more popular than Jesus now." 1522 - Mary had a little lamb. Yankee Doodle claims to be father. 1593 - John Greenwood, English Congregationalist, hanged. His last words: "Get this fucking rope off of me!" 1935 - AT&T formed. Its first disgruntled customer is created moments later. 1955 - Hell freezes over, Devil forced to skate to work. 1974 - ABBA wins Eurovision, marking the beginning of the Mamma Mia Invasion. 1985 - Video games are first cited as a precursor to juvenile delinquency. 1994 - Kurt Cobain's attempt to win a posthumous Grammy backfires tragically. 1999 - Chinese Democracy is released and subsequently pulled off shelves after the U.S. Government denies reports of its existence. Archived Anniversaries	Word of yesterday, just finished loading delete Try to use it in conversation. Knowledge is power. edit In the news Chuck Norris didn't die, Death got Chuck Norris'd. Trump talks to America on Iran, Chuck Norris, the Moon, March Madness, and firing Pam Bondi World shocked as Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the bucket (Pictured) Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize Iran kept barely alive by Cardboard Ayatollah Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • War Special Combat Operation in Iran • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed • March Madness Final Four Recent deaths: Robert Mueller • Transgender self-identity in India • Mr. Strickland • C.B. Buckner's carreer as an MLB ump • UConn ladies' basketball season + Jordan's Furniture customers • Jesus Upcoming deaths: Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons • Streetsigns with Cesar Chavez's name • Sora • Tiger Woods' driver's license and career.. fuck it, his life can go too • Holostars JP Need advice? Ask Cthulhu! More Current (by the time the page loads they won't be anymore) Events at UnNews News edit Did you know... ... that my English teacher is gay? (Pictured) ... that Earth, Wind & Fire have produced a multi-season autobiography? ... that in a world where movie trailers are crucial to a film's success... one man will provide his voice in innumerable trailers? ... that colorless green ideas sleep furiously? ... that Ram Ranch really rocks? ... that when a suicide bomber dies and goes to paradise, he is given 72 virgins? But all of them are wiki editors? ... that Richard Nixon was well-known for his honesty and often referred to as Honest Dick? ... that this in not a DYK entry? Do you care... ... that Richard Nixon really just wanted a Magnavox Odyssey? ... that a very large number of events, both noteworthy and non-noteworthy, occurred in 1993? ... that paper beats rock, but guns beat everything? ... that if the earth were the size of an apple, we would fall off? ... that Drake the type of dingbat to believe everything he reads on Uncyclopedia? ... that individuals born under the sign of Gemini are often flammable and vulnerable to bear attacks? …that it’s offensive to call them “black pencils” and we should call them “pencils of colour isntead”? ... that still lifes are the most interesting paintings? Wait More
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Writer and Noob of the Month Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome! So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore. Let us all clap for him because I said so. Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage! Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls. Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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