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In the news Latest photo from the alleged adulterer's Instagram profile. Mummy Pig's pregnancy sparks paternity drama (Pictured) Heinz Doofenshmirtz finally takes full control over the Tri-State Area UnNews remembers Michelle Trachtenberg Cinema ceiling makes dramatic entrance during Captain America screening UnSports update for February! USA and Canada take their trade war to the ice hockey rink. Literally. Philadelphia Eagles ruin Super Bowl "3‑peat" dreams for Kansas City Chiefs, Taylor Swift And more! DOGE implements micromanaging P. Diddy's lawyer quits, says Diddy did it Microsoft publicly announces Quantum Cocaine, with the aim of speeding up both Windows 11 devices and reality Trump ought to create Nazi tanks, with the help of Elon Musk Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI • Eurovision Song Contest • Russian Invasion • Israel‑Hamas conflict • ICE rounding up illegal immigrants • Taylor Swift's very unlucky, no good year • DOGE firings and budget cuts • The Oscars • Hackman investigation Recent deaths: The Department of Justice • Michelle Trachtenberg • Gene Hackman, wife and dog, too • Skype • Kingda Ka • David Johansen, The New York Dolls, and Buster Poindexter • Amiright/Inthe00s • UnSpoiler and BeGone extensions • Space Ghost • Everyone's assumption that Millie Bobby Brown is her real name • Tesla's stock • Bob Rivers Upcoming deaths: Yoon Suk Yeol's presidency and freedom • Law and order in Philadelphia • Jay‑Z's career and freedom • Luigi Mangione • Kate Middleton • Your New Year's resolutions • Los Angeles • Laura Palmer • DEI, for better or for worse • Pope Francis On this day... March 14: American π Day 27 AD - Greeks fight valiantly against Russell Crowe in a vast gladiatorial event to define π as the ratio of the circumference of a circle divided by its radius. 435 AD - Pope Sixtus III denouces π, claiming it to be the work of Satan, as a number which never ends seems too cruel for a loving God to have made. 1603 - "American" Apple pie actually invented by the Aztecs, used as aphrodisiac. 1707 - The Physics Act of 1707 defines π to be 22/7, which scientists of the era proclaim as close enough. 1891 - The pie chart is first invented, sadly, the original prototype has long since been eaten. Future pie charts are now inedible. 2004 - The day Krabs fries 2005 - The Kansas Board of Education restores pi to its traditional value of three and a bit, stating, "Certain features of the universe are best explained by an intelligent cause, not an undirected process such as mathematics." 2020 - A resident of New York City passes away after contracting the π virus.

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