UnNews:A-bombs dropped on Japan awarded Nobel Peace Prize
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
16 March 2010
WASHINGTON DC -- It has been a long time coming, but atomic bombs Fat Man and Little Boy have finally received a little of the honor due them as peacemakers when they were posthumously awarded the Nobel Peace Prize.
For thousands of years the Japanese were deranged, violent, samurai-hacking lunatics who did nothing but fight, using every possible means – ranging from Ninjutsu to Karate to Kamikaze pilots – and they lopped off the heads and gouged out the eyes of everyone in sight. When there was no one left to kill, and just to satisfy their blood lust, they would commit harikari, an ancient form of ritual suicide. But Fat Man and Little Boy changed all that for good.
Ever since Fat Man and Little Boy paid them a visit in 1945 on a mission of peace, intent on teaching the war-like Japanese how to be pacifists, the entire Japanese Emperordom has completely transformed into a land of peaceniks who don't have a military anymore. Now we can no longer speak of the nation's traditional and honorable weapon, the sword, because even toothpicks are illegal in Japan.
So effective and persuasive were these two with their message of non-violence that the Japanese race transformed, overnight, after only one visit apiece from the two great ambassadors. "Never before in recorded history have American emissaries been so effective in their mission to convince belligerent combatants to become pacifists!" bragged retired Colonel Roger Mason, formerly of the Los Alamos Manhattan Project, the group who trained the peacemakers in the art of tactful diplomacy.
"If we could have sent these diplomats to visit Hitler before he invaded Poland, then the entire Second World War would have been avoided," Mason continued. "Hell, these two ambassadors of peace were so convincing that Hitler would have become president of the Mahatma Gandhi Fan Club rather than kill thirty million people!"
The Award Ceremony was held at the White House where President Obama, on behalf of the World and the Nobel Committee, presented the honors to relatives of the great pacifists. The President told the World, "The entire human race should be proud of these two great peace negotiators. They not only ended World War II in a flash, but they also martyred themselves in the process."
"How many people today, apart from Sunni Muslims, are prepared to sacrifice their very lives to bring peace to mankind?" Obama asked the press, while pondering the ludicrous nature of total hogwash.
Family members and descendants of the heroes, such as H-bombs, N-bombs and F-bombs stood by tearfully during the ceremony. "This is indeed a long overdue honor to the greatest suicide bombers of all time," Obama smirked.
