World War II
| World War II | |||||||||
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| Belligerents | |||||||||
 Poland ( The Allied Boss, and as any boss just use the mind ... (see the section Poland's Role ).
|  The Third Reich (wanted to steal polish beer ended up making a huge cock up of things in Europe)
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| Commanders and leaders | |||||||||
 Harold Straddlebeamer
| Really Angry German Guy
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| Strength | |||||||||
| Nobody bothered to count | Do you even lift, bro? | ||||||||
| Casualties and losses | |||||||||
Military dead:
Civilian dead:
3 Pikachus (Jihad)
Total dead: | Military dead:
Civilian dead:
Some other minorities nobody really cares about
Other Casualties:
Total dead
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World War II (WWII or WW2), also known as the World War 2: Hitler Boogaloo or Hitler's Jihad (or the '41–'45 War as it's known in the Steaks; or Great Patriotic War in the Onion; or Rambo's breeding ground, if you're quite the cinephile; or if you're George H. W. Bush, then World War '42) proved to be one of the most successful and high-budget movies ever made, even becoming more popular than its predecessor World War I (rookie filmmaker Gavrilo Princip’s only hit, so well-received in the film industry that he was executed). The film, which racked up billions of dollars in British debt, was widely praised for its visual effects but has been criticized by others for the number of on-set deaths (estimated at 72,000,000), despite being animated, including movie stars Franklin Roosevelt and Adolf Hitler.
The film is famous for a scene in which the British, unable to push Germany's advance back since neither army can walk on water like Jesus, are aided slightly by defectors, Russia, late-as-usual America, and French farmers. The British population, who single-handedly stopped the advance of the Nazis though the use of the most technologically advanced defensive feature of the day: the English channel, quite rightly say that the "yanks are stupid to think that Germany would not attack them." Actually, the yanks knew that Germany had it in for the world but was waiting to see who the winner was going to be so that they could jump in and heroically help them kick the loser when he was down, and then try and take all the credit.
England along with a lot of help from the English channel (without whom they would have lost the entire war and Germany would rule the world) bravely tried to push back the most powerful army in the world on their own, of course Britain got its ass kicked, but lucky for them they could play their usual trick and retreat back to England borrowing civilians' boats to flee. The French, of course, wasn't quite as lucky as they didn't have an English channel to hide behind. Out of Germany's hydrophobia, Hitler called off the invasion of Britain to attack the Mother Russia.
In a cowardly sucker punch, only a year after the European war began, Japan, tired of trying to taunt America into the ring by stealing all its pacific oil supplies, only for America to pretend nothing happened, punched America in the face in the form of Pearl Harbor, now America had to get into the ring because all her friends were watching, plus the fact that Russia was bigger than Germany, and proceeded to get her large butt unceremoniously kicked around by the Japanese midget until Einstein and some other scientists threw her a gun and she shot Japan, who only got angrier until she shot him again in the Nagasaki.
There are several supposed reasons why Hitler declared war on the rest of the world. The most widely accepted accounts agree that the Angry Austrian Man with the tiny mustache was enraged over the poor quality of bagels and lox in Germany. He then blamed all Jews worldwide for being unable to properly manage their own cuisine (and ruining his breakfast), and insisted they be eliminated even though it was France that caused Germany's loss of good bagels and lox after World War 1. Another proposed reason is that Hitler, upset with his micropenis, decided to compensate by becoming the biggest dick in history. Unfortunately for him, dead people can't get any bitches.
Background[edit | edit source]
The ending of the previous anime, World War 1, was received negatively by numerous people, particularly the Germans and Japanese. In addition, critics said that the producers should elaborate more on the plot twist involving Russia being seized by so-called "communists", and that the storyline was far too dark, with too much (im)moral ambiguity.
Based on events in the 1930s, people increasingly began to think the producer of the film, History Inc. was planning a spiritual successor series to address those complaints ...
Course of the war[edit | edit source]
EPISODE I: THE ITALIAN MENACE[edit | edit source]
The Second World War was started due to Hitler's ever growing hate for Adam Sandler. Adam, being Jewish, was a very big influence in Germany and a one-time porn mate of Adolf, decided to move to America. To blow some steam (No pun intended), Hitler decided to take a walk into Poland with a few 100,000 troops. The Polish (who had it coming) got fucked. Hitler loving the pleasure of more slaves decided to do the same to the French.
In 1918, the winners of World War I (who liked George's idea for "The Merry Wives of Saxe-Coburg and Gotha" better), decided that Germany would be paying for their round of drinks and mindless slaughter, and so has been left skint (there was quite a lot of it).
However, something is rotten in the state of Denmark ... er, I mean Italy. Europe's Boot came out of the war in a complete mess. Looking at the situation, a midget(and also a rap god) named Benito Mussolini rises up. He and his men go around, beat the crap out of anyone who disagrees with his domestic policy, and eventually seize power. Mussolini, or Il Duce (El Douche to many), doesn't do much aside from print bad propaganda posters, but he lays out the groundwork and legitimacy for Fascism. Besides getting train conductors to sync their watches he gets a certain angry austro man – then a nobody in the Weimar Republic – to abandon his career in painting and re-enact the "I promise I won't get all political" meme in a Bavarian beer hall. Having been tossed in the Mayberry jail to sober up he writes an edgy book about his struggle attracting a significant other like the lowlife emo he is.
While Europe is slowly burning Japan invades Manchuria to try and be like the cool European kids with their empires and war crimes and invades China to kill a bunch of innocent civilians, but no one cares about the ching chong men duking it out with each other for 10 years, until the Japanese people attack white people.
Meanwhile, in 1929, Wall Street is shocked to hear that money, in fact, does not grow on trees as their botanists had reassured them. The resulting Great Depression smashes down on the financial world, reducing stock traders to stock clerks. (If they were lucky) However, it was even worse in Germany. They had already been suffering from hyperinflation so bad that their money was more valuable for wiping their asses than as money.
Now, in 1933, our ol' chap Tiny Mustache Man steps up in Germany, promising to solve their problems by killin' der Juden! 30% of the people shrug and elect the "NAZI" party (a bunch of stupid leftist, socialist shills) because "I want those guys in Berlin to know I'm mad." Next thing they know Von Hindenburg up and dies and Hitler proclaims himself "Dictator For Life".
EPISODE II: ATTACK OF THE CHING CHONG MEN[edit | edit source]
The year is 1939. In a move to secure its place as a superpower, Japan has raped the Ching Chong land of China and reinforced the point by brutally slaughtering Jews and sending a select few to work as spies in popular investment banks. The world, however, is busy elsewhere, and continues to be, so the Imperial Japanese forces repeat the same processes on every single island in the Pacific. Along the way, they invent the first-generation Toyota Corolla by forcing Australian POW's to weave pieces of bamboo together and attach it to a set of four tennis balls.
Meanwhile, in Europe, an angry Austrian named Adolf Hitler seizes control of Germany and declares everyone else inferior to his German-ness. Building a massive army to execute his vision of a super party with only the super race invited, or world domination, he seizes Austria. France, thinking that the Maginot Line was perfect, hands him Czechoslovakia as a free sample. With this, Hitler allies himself with his long-time enemy Joseph Stalin of the Soviet Union and sets his sights on Antarctica and Canada, with the assumption that the territories captured can be used for the leisure of all Aryans. Skiing and sledding were always very important to Hitler.
EPISODE III: REVENGE OF THE NAZIS[edit | edit source]
As Germany invaded France, the French bravely tried to fight the Beer men with their baguette rifles, but this proved ineffective so they bravely retreated to fight another day. Except they forgot to fight another day, and bravely decided to go to a picnic instead, where they bravely got their asses kicked (disregarding the South of the country which bravely went over to the other side and bravely fought for Germany and bravely defended their colonies and bravely delivered many of its Jews to the concentration camps). The rest of the French empire bravely followed Vichy's example and bravely capitulated. Meanwhile, Britain, having had its ass kicked after Hitler barfed stukas all over them at Dunkirk, (Think Halo Reach) and noting the fact that it was the last fucking democracy left in Europe, began camping like a COD:MW2 NOOB and spitting Fires all over the stukas Hitler barfed out, as it was the sole period the British were ever good at rapping (thanks to their African colonies). But one must never forget those brave French men who bravely retreated like pussies bravely fought whilst the English hid behind the English channel and the Americans slept in late. Again.
EPISODE IV: A NEW TEAM[edit | edit source]
At this dark point in the timeline, the head of the Nazi's Luftwaffe, an obese morphine addict (No, seriously) named Herman Goering, begins to barf stukas and bf-109s at Britain to smash their puny aeroplanes. He has estimated that England would be crushed in days, but to his surprise, the RAF fighterplanes make it clear they will not comply with such a short deadline and beat the Luftwaffe back thanks entirely to the actions of all-british aces in their spitballs and hurry-canes, no foriegner involvement whatsoever.
Frustrated with this defeat, Adolf Hitler does what any logical military strategist would have done: He invades his "ally" Russia. At first, the attack goes well. Vodka man had killed most of his more competent officers in a fit of rage known as the "great purge". (Post-war analysis showed that he had somehow heard Rebecca Black's Friday, infuriating him.) However, as the Russians begin to retreat less often and the snow begins to fall more often, it occurs to the Germans that they left all the warm coats in Hamburg...
Meanwhile, Japan, irritated by the evil eye America is giving it, finally snaps. In what is one of the worst strategic defeats for the Axis ever, the God Emperor's (Note: He was actually just a midget with glasses.) forces bomb Pearl Harbor, destroying both the port, a bunch of useless old boats and America's desire to remain out of the war. Importantly, they came dangerously close to touching the oil stored on the port. Who knows what raging American horrors would have been released on the world if the naval fuel stock had been hit.
So, the rather pissed off Stalin and Roosevelt go up to Churchill and propose that they should get together and gang rape Hitler and Hirohito. Churchill likes the idea, and so the grand Alliance is formed in the name of freedom, democracy, and/or totalitarian communism. "They're not mutually exclusive!" said the optimistic socialists- "Yes they are." said everyone else.
Between Russian and America, it takes the Axis some time before they realized what the fuck they had done.
EPISODE V: THE AXIS (tries to) STRIKE BACK![edit | edit source]
Cut to 1942–1943. Things are not going so well for the Axis: The Africa Corps had by then become the Africa Corpses, those stupid Commies had stopped the German attack, and the Yankee-Doodle men attacked the main Japanese battlefleet right as the slant-eyes were hauling around explosive fuel tanks and ammo crates to refuel and resupply their fighters. (There was a lot of pretty fireworks that day.) Italy, seeing where this is going thanks to their recent Allied capture of the Mafia, tells Mussolini to fuck off and defects to the Allies.
While Hitler is preoccupied with the Vodka men to the East, the Western Allies do a dirty sneak-attack and land a whole bunch of boats on the coast of the baguette men while the Beer men aren't looking. This is also aided by the fact that Hitler had decided to sleep in late that day. At this point, it dawns on some of the less unreasonable Nazis that Hitler is in fact batshit insane so they go full on Allahu Akbar mode, and they tried to bomb the fucker but fail because they aren't Muslim enough. Hitler responds by successfully trying to kill them via piano wire strangulation.
Meanwhile, the Japanese come up with a brilliant strategy for fighting the American pigdogs: Shout Banzaii!!!! and charge straight into the American machine-gun fire like complete low IQ retards. While it leaves some stuff to be desired in effectiveness, it does an excellent job at "saving face", so the Japanese decide to make this brilliant new plan a standard tactic throughout their Empire. Needless to say, the war tips further in favor of the Americans.
EPISODE VI: RETURN OF THE BOMBER[edit | edit source]
By now, things are REALLY not going well for the Axis: Their not-so-presentable death camps have been exposed on LiveLeak, most of the land they took over has been liberated, and their leaders hadn't even gotten around to making badass supervillain capes for themselves.
As Stalin's steely soldiers storm the streets of Berlin and of course do what big burly slavic men do best when they achieve a great victory, rape people, it finally occurs to Hitler that he is, in fact, not winning the war. Shocked and devastated by this revelation, Hitler orders one last batch of Jews to be killed, shouts "FEGELEIN, FEGELEIN!!!", enthusiastically rapes his dog like a furfag, and blows his diabolical brains out with James Bond's gun right as a Vodka man knocks on his bunker's door.
On the other side of the world, Roosevelt quietly checks on the progress of a group of scrawny nerds banging hammers against an odd device and asks about "Manhattan". The nerds tell him that the project is on track, and the US won't have to invade the mainland and get murdered by the die-hard fanatics who literally worship their head of state. Satisfied, because he didn't know how to force the Americans into Japan anyway, Roosevelt rolls his wheelchair out of the room ... and suddenly realizes "If GOD had wanted ME to LIVE, he would not have created A HEART ATTACK!!!".
As everyone mourns the "World's Favorite Cripple", a new guy named Truman assumes office. Truman takes the "devices", from the nerds mentioned earlier, rides a metal bird over ching chong land, and makes it lay its metal egg on the Japanese city of Hiroshima. The locals are puzzled and ask Truman what the strange device is. Truman explains he prefers to show, not tell people things, and right at that moment the metal egg cracks into a fiery yolk which incinerates the city.
Truman then decides to call this metal egg "a tomb bomb" because it kills people dead into graves, and then drops another one on Nagasaki just for shits and giggles.
And so, the Allies win the war, and the Axis ... well, lose. The Allied nations all get drunk to celebrate, put several bad bad bad bad no good very bad men on trial, hand the Jews a definitely nice peaceful place to stay in the Middle East, and then go back to arguing with each other, just like in the good ole' days.
Heated debate is still raging over whether the atom bomb caused neurological disorders that cause the victim to have a sudden attraction to anime.
A seventh episode, in which Germany returns and rises again after a long hiatus, is rumored but unconfirmed. There are tons of them. Watch it!
Britain's role[edit | edit source]
Making a cut in the history; with Machiavelli Churchill brilliantly on command, British "just":
- Hid behind English Channel knowing Hitler didn't want to get his little tootsies wet.
- Saved the US from the German Luftwaffels (U/S is naval terminology for unserviceable btw)
- Raped most Naval forces that got in their way (Royal Navy was the largest in the world at the time, the Royal Canadian Navy the 3rd largest)
- Lost a cripe ton of convoy boats to the U-boots (The Royal Canadian Navy sucked at stopping em and got their ass kicked by German boot)
- scorned the Yankees for not saving the lives of US and Philippine forces on Corregidor Island, Stupid General Douglas MacArthur
- Managed Africans, Indians, Ghurkas, Australians, New Zealanders, Canadians and some country that we won't mention further ...
- Singlehandedly trounced Italy but then let the Germans trounce the northern half once they took their own piece.
Godzilla's role[edit | edit source]
Godzilla had an influential role in the attacks led by Japan. Since he was already employed as an actor by the film business in Japan, he decided to take the governments role as the giant lizard that the Japanese army desperately needed. Godzilla was involved largely in the battles of Iwo Jima, and Okinawa. It wasn't until in 1945 with the bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki by the kitty kat federation of planet Hilter land, which had recently invaded and taken all of planet Hilter land, did Godizilla realize that he was fighting for the wrong side of the war. He instead began his attacks on Japan to help out whoever he was supposed to be helping(probably planet Hitler land, ruled by kitty kat federation). He continued his insane, fire breathing attacks on Tokyo until King Kong attacked him and they had a great battle. Luke Jay Skywalker, his father, robot Dino-Jesus, and a zombie army helped Godzilla and King Kong was aided by the communists, Hitler (who was still in spite because he got kicked out of his own planet), Nazis, and an army of flying dolphin-whales. The battle was so epic that it began to break the sound barrier, and then created an awesome flash that kept the whole world from seeing what happened. The result of the battle of 'Zilla v. Kong was the lessening of king KONG to only a dog toy, now commonly known as a Kong. Also, Godzilla pwned to the point where a new definition of power was created. it was to be called the united states marines. Because it was decided that Godzilla was to powerful to use in only one place, his powers were split later on in his life to become the several million Americans that now serve in the Marines.
Criticism[edit | edit source]
Of course, World War II received criticism for its excessive violence and the cameo of Sylvester Stallone as Rambo.
Many racists and anti-Semites protested that the Holocaust sequence was so inhumane that it had obviously been faked by the Jew-controlled media, while even more protested it was too good to be true (see Holocaust denial, Holocaust affirmation, Holocaust denial denial and the therementioned further articles).
Others were skeptical of the Rape of Nanking because of the extreme difficulty of even consensual fornication with a city (after obtaining the proper permit to do so, of course), much less the fact that the decapitation of all locals is not typically a part of intercourse. (It turns out that Godzilla was the guy that raped Nanking.) The city of Nanking even responded with a statement that spellcheck does not recognize its name, and therefore they does not exist, after which it proceeded to prove itself correct by vaporizing a moment later.
Six million Jews and other Europeans found the movie so inhumane they buried themselves in mass graves. When some researchers went to Poland to investigate the possibility of its residents being killed indiscriminately, they found that the country had been uninhabited since 1945. They disappeared shortly afterward.
However, the movie's idea of ethnic cleansing – be it retail ("by the inch") or wholesale ("get 'er done") – is still extremely popular amongst Serbian, Israel and some young African nations, while other, more civilized nations took the trend of indiscriminate killing which is evil to everyone equally.
Other sequences, such as the Battle of Stalingrad seemed to be blatant fakes. Because of a budget cut, actors had to steal prop rifles, often onscreen, from other soldiers who were pretending to be dead, while some stole rifles from troops who were shooting at the enemy. Many also questioned the possibility of unsheltered soldiers freezing to death in Russia during one of the worst winters ever recorded, declaring this to be totally not feasible at all.
Russian Reviewers were insulted since it depicted the Russian army as a sober fighting force, when in reality, they were drunker than an Australian after four hours at a pub. Negative criticism was pointed at how Russians had one rifle per ten people, whilst in reality it was one per fifty.
According to critics, the war with the Japanese was just an excuse to film some jungle scenes (which Spielberg got to do anyway with his next movie, Vietnam), and the entire Pacific plotline was called a "convoluted mess" because, with twelve billion islands, there were simply too many to keep track of. Some islands seemed to even have been made-up, like Midway, Guadalcanal, the Philippines, and Hawaii. To more criticism, the portrayal of the Enola Gay (Latin for "butt-humping gay") seemed to imply that the U.S. was a bunch of fruity homosexuals about to make Japan its bitch. Although that did, in fact, happen twelve seconds later, critics retaliated by saying that "Enola" backwards is "alonE", and then asserting that "Anal alone" makes absolutely no sense whatsoever, even if done backwards or utilizing Portal tech.
French reviewers stormed out through the beginning of the film during the scene where it is revealed French Tanks had 16 gears in reverse, and the fact that French uniforms were white, guns white, tanks white, which also faced criticism from some Black reviewers. In response to another scene depicting the whole French army trying to escape into Britains vagina, 25 french viewers shot themselves in the temple.
Other people criticized the movie's invention of Fascism, saying that no one would be dumb enough to fall for such an idea.
More criticism arose over the Allies' attitude towards the Jews throughout the movie. Many found it silly that the Allies formed blockades around their countries to prevent Jews from entering, and shipped the Jews who were already in their country to Germany. Some found it more ridiculous that Allied bombing raids on the Nazi death camps always seemed to miss the crematoriums in favor of an unsuspecting Jew, or, more often, an entire Jewish bunkhouse, which were typically miles away from any other part of the camp. To add on to confusion as to which side the Allies were really on, they awarded the entire land of Palestine to the ten remaining Jews and kicked out all the Palestinians. The Palestinians then declared eternal Holy War against the Jews and started to bomb them. Arabs, however, found it totally absurd and absolutely unheard of that any of them would declare a Holy War against anything and then begin blowing themselves up. In protest of this representation, they declared a Jihad against Hollywood and began exploding themselves in random movie theaters.
Spielberg responded to all this criticism by criticizing it, which soon brought the criticizers retaliating with even more criticism of the criticism of their criticism. Before long, the entire argument became a huge, incoherent mess akin to the movie.
In accordance with all this criticism, the movie was given six stars out of five, two thumbs, and the toe of Roger Ebert, and swept the Oscars, Emmys, Pulitzers, and even won a Nobel Peace Prize for setting an example for many aspiring peace activists such as Pol Pot and Slobodan Milosevic, and ensuring that such inhumanities would never ever occur.
It is well known that the S.W.A. won the second world war, however in an elaborate coverup the government suppressed this knowledge because the SWA is too PWN4G3 for the |\|00|3z0r5
Awards and Reception[edit | edit source]
Upon its release, World War II received tremendous critical acclaim and was praised for its special effects, acting, sound design, editing, and lighting. It was so adored by critics and wider audiences alike that, when it received the Comecon Award for Most Anti-Climactic Ending to a Conflict Ever at the 26th Commies in 1945, the crowd gave a standing ovation that lasted for 87 days, which is longer than the entire age of the Earth up to that point.
A minor actor in the film, John F. Kennedy, would later target the film as his "big break," in acting, as he was told to brace for impact and watch his back around set as to not retain any head injuries. Later shooting it as a "mind-blowing experience," that "hasn't been seen since the days of Robert E. Lee, and we all know that guys whose names have 'Lee' in them will do great things." Kennedy would later receive the Comecon Award for Most Capitalistic Pig and Worst Lead American at the 41st Commies in 1962 for his work on The Cuban Missile Crisis.
Related articles[edit | edit source]
- Battle of Normandy
- Population bomb
- Catch-22
- Woodrow Wilson (responsible for single-handedly causing the movie)
- Second World War Two
- Adolf Hitler
- Benito Swagolini
- World War III (unreleased)
- WWII
- Wii
- Video games
- The North American War
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