Comecon Awards

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You thought the Oscars statue was heavy, check out this sexy piece of... sorry, I forgot what I was saying.

The Comecon Awards, formerly known as The Soviet Awards for Film and Television, and otherwise known as The Commies, were a collection of awards presented to various members of the Academy of Motion Pictures and Sciences, but for Cool and Cultured People for their accomplishments in reaching the pinnacle of anti-capitalism and tangible artistic worth. While initially founded on those beliefs in 1922, the Comecon Awards had a change of venture upon being visited by a time machine from the year 1945, insisting that they invest in awards ceremonies after the monumental success of World War II.

And so they did, now look where we are.

Silly Rules[edit | edit source]

As is often the case, many filmmakers try their hardest to appeal to the Communist judges panel on the Academy, Fortunately for them, they don't need to try that hard, as the academy only discriminates against those who discriminate. Many as a result have criticized the Commies for their discrimination of those being discriminated against when it came to discriminatory content from within the academy's own panel of judges.

In general, for a film to be eligible for a Commie, it must:

  • Have mildly-realistic anti-capitalistic themes.
  • Have at least two straight minutes of genocide against civilians.
  • Have at least three locations set in a communist country.
  • Have at least five communists persons commit both a heroic act and a war crime.

Award for Most Anti-Climactic Ending to a Conflict Ever[edit | edit source]

Although it has existed since 1922, the Award for Most Anti-Climactic Ending to a Conflict Ever has only ever been given out to three films: World War II, The Korean War, and The Cuban Missile Crisis. However, it has been belatedly given to films such as World War I and Captain Lincoln: Civil War.

Award for Most Capitalistic Pig[edit | edit source]

The Academy is much more picky when it comes to deciding their Award for Most Capitalistic Pig, as it usually ends up becoming the Soviet Union's new target of hate for that fiscal year. One of the major recipients and the most well-known was John F. Kennedy, receiving the award for his work in The Cuban Missile Crisis. The other major recipient was Ronald Reagan for his work as President in Mr. Gorbachev, This Wall Ain't Tall Enough.

Award for Worst American[edit | edit source]

Uhh, yeah. Unsurprisingly, both kennedy and Reagan are the only recipients of this award. Yep...

Award for Best Communism Scene[edit | edit source]

Currently unawarded as of today.

Award for Best United Nations-Friendly War Scene[edit | edit source]

Currently unawarded as of forever.