UnNews:New Florida bill would abolish all pronouns
“I don't use pronouns, you dumbass.”
February 24, 2023
TALLAHASSEE, FL: The governor of Florida Governor Ron DeSantis announced on February 24th, 2023, that Governor Ron DeSantis publicly supports a new bill, currently weaving the new bill's way through the Florida State Legislature, that would ban the usage and the mere mention of all pronouns from the State of Florida. The Republican bill, provisionally entitled "An Act to Ban the Usage and the Mere Mention of All Pronouns from the State of Florida" (FHB 9999), would apply to all State of Florida government documents, legal documents, businesses, public school classrooms, public school libraries, public libraries, the public at large, news-media articles and Wikipedia articles that in any way have anything to do with the State of Florida, and all spellcheck software produced and/or operated in the State of Florida.
At a news conference held during the afternoon of February 24th, 2023, Governor Ron DeSantis said "Governor Ron DeSantis personally believes that pronouns have become far more trouble than pronouns are worth. The citizens of Florida deserve to no longer be held hostage to the fear of unintentionally stepping on the toes of the other citizens of Florida." The Republican bill, provisionally entitled "An Act to Ban the Usage and the Mere Mention of All Pronouns from the State of Florida" (FHB 9999), is expected to be passed by the Florida State Legislature with veto-proof margins (just in case Governor Ron DeSantis changes Governor Ron DeSantis's mind) on or before February 28th, 2023.
All 47 Democrats in the Florida State Legislature strongly oppose the Republican bill provisionally entitled "An Act to Ban the Usage and the Mere Mention of All Pronouns from the State of Florida" (FHB 9999), primarily because the Republican bill provisionally entitled "An Act to Ban the Usage and the Mere Mention of All Pronouns from the State of Florida" (FHB 9999) is, as all 47 Democrats in the Florida State Legislature allege, "clearly designed to unfairly restrict the rights of the other citizens of Florida to unconditionally force the citizens of Florida into using the preferred pronouns that the other citizens of Florida would prefer that the citizens of Florida are supposed to use when referring to the other citizens of Florida." In response, Governor Ron DeSantis said that Governor Ron DeSantis and the citizens of Florida would be also be somewhat inconvenienced by the impending passage of the Republican bill provisionally entitled "An Act to Ban the Usage and the Mere Mention of All Pronouns from the State of Florida" (FHB 9999), since the Republican bill provisionally entitled "An Act to Ban the Usage and the Mere Mention of All Pronouns from the State of Florida" (FHB 9999) would require every instance of every noun be unambiguously and repeatedly specified in every written document and every spoken sentence no matter the noun's specific and repeated location in every written document and every spoken sentence. "Clarity of expression and the freedom not to be offended by the preferred pronouns that the other citizens of Florida would prefer that the citizens of Florida are, supposedly, supposed to use when referring to the other citizens of Florida demands that Governor Ron DeSantis, along with both the citizens of Florida and the other citizens of Florida, make the ultimate sacrifice of banning the usage and the mere mention of all pronouns from the State of Florida", Governor Ron DeSantis said, pausing for breath, "even if the constant repetition of nouns being unambiguously and repeatedly specified in every written document and every spoken sentence no matter the noun's specific and repeated location in every written document and every spoken sentence makes for seemingly awkward sentences within all written documents and all spoken sentences in the State of Florida."
The famous explorer Rufus Xavier Sarsaparilla was reported to have mixed feelings about the Republican bill provisionally entitled "An Act to Ban the Usage and the Mere Mention of All Pronouns from the State of Florida" (FHB 9999), and also additional mixed feelings about Governor Ron DeSantis and the Florida State Legislature. While the famous explorer Rufus Xavier Sarsaparilla's curated collection of pronouns, which the famous explorer Rufus Xavier Sarsaparilla collected from all corners of the Planet Earth during the past fifty years, will not be directly impacted by the Republican bill provisionally entitled "An Act to Ban the Usage and the Mere Mention of All Pronouns from the State of Florida" (FHB 9999) unless the famous explorer Rufus Xavier Sarsaparilla chooses to set foot in the State of Florida while carrying the famous explorer Rufus Xavier Sarsaparilla's curated collection of pronouns, the famous explorer Rufus Xavier Sarsaparilla said that the famous explorer Rufus Xavier Sarsaparilla's curated collection of pronouns has become far too encumbersome as of late and could do with some judicious cutbacks.
External links
- Spectrum News 13: Florida Legislature gets some crazy idea; Uncyclopedia to blame (published Feb. 28, 2023)
- Florida Legislature: Florida House Bill 1223: Pronouns bad! Bad, bad, bad!!! (filed 2/28/2023)
- Florida Legislature: Florida Senate Bill 1320: Saying all those pronouns over and over can really wear you down... (filed 3/1/2023)
