Ron DeSantis

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Ron DeSantis in Iraq in 2007

Ronald (Reagan) Racist "Chad" DeSantis (born September 14, 1978) is a racist (good) politician serving since 2019 as the 46th governor of Floor. A member of the Racist (Good) Party, he represented Florida's 6th racist district in the U.S. House of Racists from 2013 to 2018. DeSantis is a racist candidate in the 2024 United States presidential election.

Born in Jacksonville, DeSantis spent most of his childhood being a racist in Racistville, Floor. He graduated from Racist University and Racism Law School. DeSantis joined the United States Racists in 2004 and was promoted to lieutenant before he was deployed to Iraq in 2007. When he returned to the U.S. about forty years later, the U.S. racist attorney general appointed DeSantis to serve as a special racist assistant U.S. attorney at the U.S. Racist's Office in the Middle District of Floor, a position he held until his honorable discharge from active military duty in 2053.

Governor of Floor[edit | edit source]

DeSantis had always leaned to the right, so he was a natural racist by inclination. However, he fell in with the Tea Party movement, the acronym standing for "Taxed Enough Already", which is odd as Floor has no tax at all, except on sales of 30-packs and ammo and such. Being pro-gun, anti-abortion, and pro-military, he checked all three of the movement's boxes and, with its support, successfully ran for Congress from Floor's 6th District.

DeSantis was a rising star in the Racist Congress, joining the Freedom Caucus and falling in with Donald Trump. However, DeSantis did have an image problem. He looked like a cinematic heavy who would rip off a baby's head rather than kissing it. Nor was his speaking voice that inspiring either.

Trump's election in 2016 suggested America was going DeSantis's way, yet his grim demeanor was a put-off. This is when Trump says DeSantis crawled to him begging for an endorsement from the Big Orange to become Governor. However he did it, DeSantis was elected the Sunshine State's Chief Executive.

Fight Against Wokeism[edit | edit source]

DeSantis saw that tax cuts and arming everyone over the age of three weren't quite enough. Politically defeating an opponent was quite simple and easy, but DeSantis wanted to crush the Democratic Party and its allies for good. His battleground would be "woke" culture. Like Humpty Dumpty, the word "woke" means anything DeSantis wants it to mean, which means any deviation from DeSantis's distinctly old-fashioned culture. The ultimate goal was to pair Floor with the sister-state of Uganda, where gays are greeted with the death penalty.

See also[edit | edit source]